This is a pattern that recurs throughout social history. When, among men, no women can be found, sometimes some boy has to put on a dress (more or less metaphorical) and be a substitute, often with the tacit, if not explicit, permission of his peers. Famous examples range from the use of crossdressed actors when women were not permitted on theater stages, through the justifications for the homosexual cultures in highly homosocial environments such as boarding schools, all the way to the popularity of drag shows put on by the US Navy servicemen during the Second World War.
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The catgirl as a cultural figure holds a strong association with what came to be variously known as the "geek" or "nerd" culture. In fact, the linkage is so close that the image of the catgirl – presumed immature, oversexualized, and very clearly a male fantasy – is often wielded like a blunt weapon by those seeking to ridicule what they perceive to be common psychosexual hangups of the putatively masculine geek world.
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No, we assemble our genders from the materials at our disposal; we make do with the potentials made available to us. And this implies that maybe there really is something about nerd culture which makes it easier to become trans in it, or through it. Furthermore, I'd like to propose, pace Sarah Z, that this something has not necessarily translated to the ascendant geek culture, that it rather belongs to its refuse, to the nerd's basement – misogyny and all.
[...]
What potential did they have for living a trans life?
I'm going to set aside (some of) my stylistic and methodological misgivings and try to engage with this essay. Or, a part of it, because my brain only deals in mostly linear lines of argument. In particular I want to focus on the potentiality, and in particular the potentiality of online spaces.
1. II I Warned You About The Tractatus, Bro. I Told You Dawg.
It seems to me that one of the most obvious reasons for online spaces to have a greater (or greater visible, depending on your ontology) trans populations is that in some ways being trans is easier online. Not just in the sense that you can find an accepting community, though that's of course true for some people, or in the sense that you can find a disconnected community as opposed to having a difficult conversation with your parents and old friends and employer, though that is of course true too, and some people find it easier to reveal things to people whose regard doesn't cut quite as deeply. But also that the performance of whatever gender it is you desire is more easily accessed. Your body can be ignored. Your voice can be nonexistent. Your gender becomes a matter of what you type, what profile picture and name you choose, and maybe what personal information you enter into a box. In a pseudonymous space where the latter two are generally
expected to be uncorrelated with your physical form - to the point that I genuinely double-take when I see a profile pic on SV or SB that looks like it could be a photo of the user, or a username which could be a
user's name - you can abandon flesh, which is useful because while flesh can be changed and can be framed, it does take some effort.
An aside might be made noting that, at least from where I sit, femininity in particular takes more effort. At least in the North American Anglo context, more than the bare minimum of care for one's appearance - aside, perhaps, from the fit of a suit - is indexed to femininity in and of itself. Men don't need to care about body hair or make-up. Men, in general, seem less likely to be considered
not men for failing to reach a bar of attractiveness. (There might be a suppressed expectation of violence but that's a whole other essay.) This goes double for those women who would not be granted the status of 'woman' prima facie and who might find fitting a certain mould of femininity difficult.
(of course, as my intellectual background would demand, i have to caveat that all of these observations are opinions - take this entire post as such, frankly. to be really rigorous i should be couching every statement made but i think this essay is going to run long as it is)
On the pseudonymous internet, those standards aren't applied. To an extent this makes things easier - if I wanted to experiment with living a trans life, all it would take
in principle would be changing my pronouns and informing my dear, but also distant friends on and around this web forum. The potential for a trans life, at least in this sphere, is more immanent. To speak personally, I've made the choice to not do, largely because that potentiality feels less graspable in my body and the life which still requires my body. Though this decision is not purely an internally motivated one, I don't consider myself an egg, or a trans person in the closet, even though it's entirely possible and maybe even likely that in some other world - one with fantastical magic or technology, different notions of gender, or simply a minor change to my personal history - that I would not be as I am. I live in the world as I live in it, and I think counterfactuals can only inform how I think of myself so much before they become meaningless. In some other world I would be a woman, or a man, or something else, or a tremendously lethal robot. Maybe even a catgirl. It doesn't have to matter. (Maybe it didn't matter to George Dornin, either.)
Where was I? Oh, right, the internet. The potentiality of simply asking for different pronouns is open to me, but it's fair to wonder whether that sort of a trans life - because there are many - would actually satisfy me. Personally, I think effectively
creating a closet for myself would force me to either destransition online or transition the rest of my life; I am not a person who embraces multiplicity. I'd blame the philosophy but I'm pretty sure that tendency is why I went into the field. But even just examining the online portion of my theoretical existence, I imagine my pronoun change would come with a profile picture change at the very least. This is because one thing I've long thought about gender troubles - not the Judith Butler work, but not
not the Judith Butler work - is that to an extent what some people desire is exactly what other people despise. If a gender falls in the forest, does it make a sound? ...That doesn't really make any sense. What about 'if everyone's <gender> then nobody is'? Still no. Hmm. More analytically, the very standards which some people find restrictive and unnecessary are those with others find value and meaning in possessing and achieving. My hypothetical trans and online self wouldn't be satisfied with pronouns, with femininity as her goal; the urge to be a trans tradwife comes from somewhere. But while you can change your profile pic and your bio, you can't put on a gingham dress and become a homemaker on the internet if you are still unsatisfied with your online transfemininity.
Or can you?
(i really am a hypocrite about critical theory's rhetorical flourishes)
If you wanted to perform a heightened femininity online, how would you do it? What tools are available to you? If you don't want to just be feminine in the sense that people will correct others when they call you he, the medium shapes you again, because you only have so many tools. Here, I think, is part of where the dismissal of the online trans person as immature comes from. The 'mature' trans person might be willing to bring their fleshy body visibly into it, or share their stories of living fleshily as their preferred gender, to serve as the evidence of their gender - the 'immature' trans person is unwilling, and an extended unwillingness becomes taken to be incapacity and then failure. They are judged terminally online - terminal, of course, meaning 'unto the end'. Til death art thou cringe.
Of course, none of these inferential leaps is necessarily true. They might be unwilling because they
are capable of living a trans life in the flesh, but (arguably wisely) keep it far away from their online activity, or they don't care to live (that specific) trans life in the flesh. They might be incapable in a way which has nothing to do with failure in a moral/developmental sense: a particularly hostile context or a body which will not cooperate in achieving the ideal of femininity (AFAB: first time?). Or they could, in principle want and be capable of all of that, and not manage it anyway, and then we dive into topics so thorny I'm not even going to touch them. They might not even want it, and then we hit even bigger, foundational questions of the fulfilled and mature life.
Ignoring those: regardless of reason, some trans people will be living trans lives entirely mediated by digital technologies and mostly absent their fleshy bodies, and for some of these trans people, the tactic is to... be a catgirl, or have a picrew avatar, or be really into the USSR. Or be overtly kinky on main - at least their main
trans account, if that is a distinction they maintain. The last two are arguably the more powerful tools, because - for most people - being a catgirl isn't going to show in what you say about government policy, or your review of a movie you watched, or when you're idly chatting, save that your profile picture will be next to those activities. Politics, rhetorical tactics, worldview and interests, on the other hand, can be woven into nearly anything, which makes them a compelling thing to adopt, if that adoption makes one more broadly and consistently recognized as performing ones gender. (Am I arguing that some types of cancelling are an expression of online transfemininity? Hoo boy, I hope not, that seems fraught.) This isn't to say that the trans catgirl is insincere, or that anybody, adopting the markers of any group, is not being authentic - the extent that my gut agrees with that statement, I think, is more a measure of my anxiety. Some online trans women will adopt these markers out of 'inherent' affinity, to the extent that such exists. Others will adopt it and feel no less natural in doing so for a lack of 'inherent' connection. But there are also online trans women who lack that affinity, and either adopt the markers anyway because it is the most effective way of performing their gender in their online social context, or do not, and have their gender become less visible and recognized. Or even rejected. Being ace and uncomfortable with overt kink can make pursuing trans-femininity in some online spaces difficult, for example.
Of course this is contextual for any identity marker; even subject to the structural pressures of being purely online, someone exploring trans-femininity in an unironic christian minecraft server will likely land on a very different set of markers for their gender. The online trans catgirl, absent the fleshy markers of the 'mature' transwoman, reaches for what is in the environment, which
might specifically be the environment of nerds. Anime, anime-influenced art/pornography, roleplay, custom avatars. Other parts of the identity might have been constructed through a dialectic - in opposition to the nearby markers of masculinity - or exist without much gendered association. Of course, I imagine some of it was historical coincidence, with someone or a group of someones with shared interests, habits and aesthetics simply happening to become a major node of influence as the archetype was constructed. Maybe in some nearby counterfactual universe the aesthetic for a certain brand of visible online trans-femininity is robot girls. Unfortunately I have to be consistent in saying that this doesn't have to matter.
However much I might want it to.
In conclusion - because my training demands I have actual conclusions, yes this is a subtweet - the online catgirl is a particular expression of the struggle for a trans life that lacks, for whatever reason, the fleshy markers of a gender achieved and is reaching for the available tools to express it in their absence, and that absence is taken as a marker of trans immaturity or developmental failure which it can, but does not have to be. This is not unique to trans catgirls (or any other sort of online living which is in the same boat), because the absence of these markers of 'touching grass' seems broadly judged similarly, except in the sense that performing gender - which the trans individual in this case is trying to do - is particularly loaded with an expectation of touching grass, or touching something else that rhymes, and that trans individuals might actually be particularly likely to not share their grass-touching for reasons aside from what might be judged as moral failure.
Deeper connections between particular trans modes of living and the cultures from which they spawn and those in which they remain embedded - specifically between 'nerds', who are also judged for lacking some markers of successful performance of their gender, and 'online catgirls' - requires further study, preferably quantitative and comprehensive, no don't give me the grant funding I'm a
philosopher, we're allergic to research. Give it to Gargulec under condition that whatever paper they write it needs at least five graphs and ten statistical analyses.
edit: it's worth being clear that trans catgirls are not the only way to try and achieve heightened femininity online (and isn't that applicable for most people trying for online masculinity, or online <other>, trans or otherwise) - i tried appropriately limiting my language but was poked in discord that i, of all people, managed to
not caveat enough