Mystia's Cooking Academia (Touhou: Mystia's Izakaya/Shokugeki No Soma)

[Spectrum]

"Ethics?" Senzaemon joked. In their younger years, when they had been suppressing the various Noir organizations throughout Japan, traveling had led to idle chat, conversations that had begun the foundations of what would become their vision fo Tootsuki. Despite how philosophical their talks would become, it was a common joke to deride how useless ethics was.

Click to shrink...

of

Also, lol Ethics. Does it really exist in a shounen setting?

 

[Philosophysics]

Chapter 6: A Night Sparrow Aids an Ordinary Chef

Edited by: Kumiho

Where the fuck was he?

Cuttlefish jerky was tasty and all, but Sōma may unironically die of dehydration if he kept eating his secret snack stash. He needed the energy that eating gave him, but holy fuck was it walty. Sōma really hoped he found this dorm place soon cause was getting dark out. he was legit going to fucking die of thirst if he didn't get something to drink soon.

He should've brought a bottle of water. He thought he'd been safe, setting out without a clear direction, but he forgot how stupidly huge Tōtsuki Academy was. Like, no joke, it felt like he went through seven different continents with how many showy buildings there were. There was a pagoda, a japanese-styled manor, a western castle, an alcázar, there were so many types of architecture and buildings and none of it was the Polar Star Dorm.

Why the hell did this place need more building styles than freaking Disneyland!? It was a cooking school, damn it.

Wobbling towards a bench, Sōma sat down and wheezed. Why the hell should there be hiking involved just to find a stupid dorm? Stupid academy being so stupidly huge. Stupid old man for sending him here. Stupid himself for going along with it.

It'd be cold, but it was still warm enough that it… probably wouldn't kill him to go hobo-sleeping on the bench, right? Sōma was so fucking tired at this point. He just wanted to find the stupid dorm.

If only there was a guide or something. Somebody who knew where it was.

"Sōma-chan? Is that you?"

…No way. Or maybe, yes way. Miss Lorelei was a weird lady of some sort of spookiness, right? She was definitely some sort of magic kind gal, so it'd make sense she'd show up right as things were getting all supernatural right in his time of need. That's just how the old stories went. Straightening up all casual-like, Sōma waved a two-finger salute in greeting.

"Sup, Miss Lorelei."

"It is you!" she smiled, wings flapping in glee, "Oh, I actually wanted to ask you something, but then the class ended and you had to leave for the next and I had to go off and prep for tonight's opening, so it's really quite good that I found you!"

"Good to see you too, Miss Lorelei," Sōma nodded, chin leaning on his arm splayed across the bench's head, "But I've gotta ask ya something real important first."

"Oh?" Miss Lorelei tilted her head.

"You got anything to drink?" Sōma rasped, lifting his cuttlefish jerky, "I've been lost for like… hours now. I've been snacking on this to keep me going, but it's salty as fu— it's salty and I'm super-parched." Can't swear around the weird not-teacher lady. Wouldn't be polite.

"Oh, dear. That does sound dreadful. Don't you worry, I've got something for you!" Mystia sighed, fluttering up and over the bench to sit down quietly. Sōma wondered why she didn't just walk around, but he supposed that if he had wings and could fly, he'd do that every chance he could get too.

Miss Lorelei sure was weird. Popping up with working wings that nobody seemed to notice. Was she… She was probably a youkai, but she seemed like a good cook, so Sōma wasn't too worried. Heh, maybe he could learn a thing or two from her?

"Here!" Miss Lorelei's excited shout pulled Sōma from his musings. Looking down, Sōma saw that she held a blue drink that had… were those eyeballs on the outside of the glass? They were blinking, so… yup. Definitely eyeballs. Sōma briefly wondered where she had gotten the drink since Miss Lorelei had no bags or anything, but then the drink's eyes blinked and yeah. The question about where she got the drink didn't seem that important compared to whether the drink was alive or not.

Taking the drink, he sniffed the top cautiously. Sweet and lemon-y. Sōma lifted the glass up to stare into the void-white eyes. Licking his lips, he asked, "This ain't alive, right?"

"Oh, shouldn't be," Miss Lorelei chuckled, "It's just a melted Cubic Kedama and some lemonade."

Kedama. Hairball. Why would a hairball be cubic? Why was it blue? Why did the eyes blink?

…Eh, Sōma had eaten—had made worse. Drinking from the straw, he sighed in satisfaction as the liquid quenched his thirst. Refreshing, bubbly, the lemon wicked away the salt that had accumulated in his mouth and damn, that felt good. He drank half of it before letting go with a pop. Wouldn't be good to drink it all at once; better to pace himself now.

Slumping in satisfaction, Sōma sighed, "Thanks, Miss Lorelei. You're a lifesaver."

"Oh, surely, that's an exaggeration."

"No, you don't understand," Sōma sighed, launching into a rant, "This campus is stupid huge. I've been walking for hours trying to find this stupid dorm. Feels like I went to China and then Europe and then back to Japan with how much sh— crap I've seen. Castles, palaces, feels like all I need next is a pyramid and I"ll have traveled the world. It's just too much, am I right?"

"The campus sure does broaden your view, doesn't it?" Miss Lorelei agreed, sighing fondly.

For some reason, Sōma fell silent, feeling a strange sense of… melancholy wafting from the bird-lady.

"It's quite exciting to be here, you know?" Miss Lorelei smiled sadly. "I never thought a simple night sparrow like me would ever get to see anywhere outside of Gen-- my hometown, but now I'm here and I'm smaller than ever before."

"What do you mean?" Sōma asked, sipping at his drink.

"My hometown's all I've ever known." Miss Lorelei kicked her legs softly, reminiscing, "I was born there and I expected to never leave there. Things were… steady. Nothing really changed even if there were a few big fights every now and then. Biggest thing I did for myself was run a grilled lamprey stand and that was enough for the tengu to chat about for half a decade!"

Miss Lorelei had a pretty voice, but more than that, she had a rhythm to her speaking, one that drew you into her flow.

"Recently though, things got exciting. New folk moved in, new ideas came out, the kappa started building things that stretched high up above the forestline, the oni came back and you could visit old hell, and more things changed in five years than half a century, but I still didn't think things would change if you get what I mean." she smiled brightly if sadly, "But things did and I did too. It's a bit scary going into things where you don't know anything, but you can gain so much, chasing the unknown. Even if there's folks threatening to break your kneecaps if you fail."

Sōma was silent. That was a lot to process, but he had a hard time focusing on anything of what Miss Lorelei had actually said because there was this… sentiment that was wriggling into his mind.

Reaching over and patting his knee, Miss Lorelei murmured, "Young ones like you shouldn't complain so much about walking or traveling too far. Not when there's so much to explore, so much to learn. I'd say leave that for us older folk, but even a silly sparrow like me wants to learn more."

Sipping his drink until it gurgled empty, Sōma leaned back and looked up at the starry night sky. Miss Lorelei sure had a way with words. "Yeah, you're right. Kinda stupid for me to complain about having too much to try, eh?"

Was this why the old man had sent him here? Sōma had always thought he'd just chill at a normal high school, get a normal education, and then just take over the diner, but… Dang. If he thought of each building he'd seen on his walk here as a style of cooking to learn, well… Shit, that's a lot of nothing he knew crap about.

…Dang, he was actually getting kinda excited now. Fucking, shitty Old Man. Sōma was never going to admit that his pops had the right idea, sending him to Tōtsuki.

"Indeed," Miss Lorelei chirped, clapping her hands, "Though we can leave the wandering for another night. I'm a bit busy prepping for an impromptu party, but I'm sure I can help you find wherever you're going."

"Oh, right, yeah!" Sōma leaned in, "Do you know where the Polar Star Dorm is?"

"Oh, it's right over that way," Mystia smiled, pointing at… a dense patch of forest. "Just up and over the trees, not even a half-hours flight."

Cool to know that those wings were functional, but Sōma had to correct her assumption.

"Miss Lorelei, I can't fly."

"You can't?" Miss Lorelei frowned. She then blinked. Her frown shifted to a grimace as she sighed, "Oh, darn it, you're human, aren't you? And I was doing so well, hiding my wings!"

"A bit," Sōma shrugged. He didn't think she had tried at all, but again. Maybe it was magic bullshit that kept everybody else from noticing. Now that he thought about it, didn't Megumi see the wings too?

"You're not scared? Not even a little bit?" Miss Lorelei asked, flaring her wings out that much more, making herself bigger.

"You saved me from dying," Sōma raised a glass with a smirk, "Besides, you're Megumi's teacher. You can't be that bad."

Strangely enough, his reassurance only caused Miss Lorelei to deflate in depression, muttering, "So this is what Kogasa-chan feels like…"

Sōma let her stew in sadness for a bit before asking, "So could you fly me over then?"

Shaking her head as if to shake off defeat, Miss Lorelei chirped, "I could actually show you how to walk there from the ground. I have to pick up a few more ingredients for tonight's ope—" She clapped her cheeks. "Oh, yes! My question!" —She then leaned in excitedly— "Do I have permission to use your beef bourguignon for my izakaya tonight? It's a fascinating menu item and I wish to show Chapelle-san my take on the dish."

There was a lot to ask here. Why his beef bourguignon? She had an izakaya on campus? Who would dine at a random izakaya here?

Sōma never was the kind of guy to ask silly questions like that though. He was more of an action guy and right now, he saw a way to compete with Miss Lorelei again.

"Only if you let me help!"

Without hesitation, Miss Lorelei answered with a chirp.

"Sure!"

=====

Not even half-an-hour's flight from here, Tadokoro Megumi felt a chill crawl up her spine as she cooked dinner for herself. She put it out of mind though. Her sense for danger had been broken long ago and her anxiety was constant and forever. At this point, Megumi was slowly ascending into a state of acceptance just 5th-dimensionally south and under enlightenment.

Whatever it was, she'd survive it. Or not. Who cares? Life would certainly be easier if everything just ended, right?

It should be noted that having a class with her old sensei had not only frayed Megumi's nerves, it had burnt them to a crisp that could only be described as numb.

It should also be noted that she could still feel regret as she would find later when becoming the taste-tester to a certain newcomer's [Strange] recipes.

=====

AN:

Getting sick. Sorry.

Anyways, I've got two more chapters of this lined up. Going to try and publish the "Anime is Real" Story today too.

Still working on the third and final original pilot idea.

Goign to aim for a weekly wednesday release now.

I think that's all.


Anyways, I think that's all the updates for now. Here's and thank you for reading this story and supporting me on my literary journeys!
If you want more of this, suggest it in the polls on my patreon and I'll pencil it in for people to vote on!
To all my patrons, thank you. It really helps.
If you want to help support my writings, here's a remind that I have a Patreon! Feel free to help out there! It gets you big thankies and also previews and sneak peeks to finished chapters. You'll get episodes a week ahead, but you'll also possibly get to comment on completed scenes. You also get discord roles. It's just for things. There's also a Discord!
Now onto the comments! Likes and follows are all well and good, but comments are what really make me feel as if a work is meaningful or doing well. Gives me energy and interaction to keep on writing!
But ah. Uh... No flame wars please.

 

[verycoolname]

I'm loving the 'Oh… She really is a youkai huh?' reactions, but I kinda want to see someone find out the truth and properly panic for a bit.

 

[vanhilm]

I'm loving the 'Oh… She really is a youkai huh?' reactions, but I kinda want to see someone find out the truth and properly panic for a bit.

Click to shrink...

I think the one who will panic the most will be Erina, especially when she eat the food as the process and the finished product will not match her knowledge or taste, you with the god tongue and all that

 

[ecs05norway]

I'm really loving this so far. Lots of fun.

 

[Philosophysics]

Chapter 7: The Guests Arrive for the First Opening of the Night Sparrow Izakaya in the Outside World

Edited by: Kumiho

Chapelle didn't wheeze. He was in-shape, fit, and had done the Marathon du Médoc multiple times with Senzaemon, the most recent being just last year. He was, however, quite annoyed. Just because he could traverse long distances did not mean he enjoyed doing so without warning.

Worse yet, there wouldn't even be break stations with wine and cheese like the Marathon du Médoc.

"This izakaya of yours best be good, Senzaemon," Chapelle grunted, fixing his overcoat.

"It'll certainly be an experience," was the annoying answer of his friend. Dressed in, of all things, a jogging outfit, he was jogging in place like a madman to keep his heartrate up whilst keeping pace with Chapelle's more sedate walk.

Chapelle trusted Senzaemon. They had been through thick and thin together; they had taught one another various cuisines and had fought one another in the kitchen. That's why Chapelle had intense worry at the description of 'it'll be an experience'.

Vegas had been an experience. Dubai had been an experience. That one cruise ship off the coast of Greece had been an experience. To say that something would be an experience was not reassuring.

"Are we at least close?" Chapelle grumbled, wishing that he was back at home. He could've been at home, showing some brats what-for in Call of Duty, but no. Had to go out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere to try out some lass's food.

This wasn't the first time he thought this nor would it be the last, but for God's sake, why the hell did this campus have to be so stupidly huge? Why couldn't there at least be a rail system? If this place was going to rival Disneyland in size, at least have the decency to put in a metro.

"We've just arrived actually," Senzaemon answered, his jogging slowing to an eventual stop, "But it appears that we're a bit early."

Taking his cue to stop, Chapelle didn't hunch over on his knees and wheeze. He was an experienced marathoner and so stayed upright, keeping his breaths controlled. That he did not immediately speak only helped his annoyance simmer.

"...Nakiri," Chapelle declared the name as if it was an accusation.

"Yes?" Senzaemon spoke as if he did not know what he was accused of.

"This is the backyard of the Polar Star Dorm."

"Indeed, it is."

So it was going to be like that, you fucking goliath of an imbecile.

"Why are we in the backyard of the Polar Star dorm?" Chapelle asked

"Because that's where the Izakaya is!"

"Does Fumio know about this?" Chapelle grumbled, taking a seat at the table.

"Sure do, Roland! Who do ya think set this up?" a familiarly brusque voice cackled, "Let me tell 'ya. It was a bitch getting this all prepped last minute!"

"Foul-mouthed as always," Chapelle sighed, turning around to face another old friend, "How have you—"

Chapelle had been attempting to ask how Fumio had been, but where he thought he had heard Fumio, there was, instead, a beautiful young lady. Hair as white as freshly-fallen snow, a body and bearing as large and as strong as a mountain, the youthful woman wore an all-too familiar apron and red headband even as she clutched a large cleaver in one hand.

Placing the large cleaver against her hip, the beauty flipped her long hair, flowing like spring river slush, over her shoulder and cocked a grin, "Cat got your tongue, Chapelle?"

Instinctively, he knew who this mystery woman was, but Chapelle's mind refused to acknowledge the contrast between the beast of a woman he knew and this beauty in front of him.

"You're as beautiful as always, Fumio-san!" Senzaemon waved in greeting.

Smirk fading to a disinterested glare, left eyebrow tucked up in annoyance, Fumio brandished her cleaver in warning, "Don't think a few compliments get ya off the hook, buster. I want you to tell Kageura and his goon-squad to stop with the 'surprise checks' for 'contraband' and 'alcohol'. The kiddos make juice. Only juice here, ya hear me? I know enough about 'juice' to make sure they don't kill themselves, 'kay!"

"Only if you send me a few bottles of the better 'juices'," Senzaemon nodded, holding out a hand.

Grinning, Fumio returned the handshake. "Pleasure doing business with ya!"

And, of course, Senzaemon would allow an illegal moonshine operation run by students here. And, of course, Fumio would encourage this.

Any other day, any other night, he'd scold both of them, but he had a much more important question.

"Who are you?" Chapelle asked, less out of confusion and more to have some form of confirmation.

"Dang, get your reading glasses on." Fumio stomped forward, eyes glittering with a glee that betrayed her facade of fury. "I'm Fumio. Fu-mi-o!"

"How are you… Why are you younger?" Chapelle stammered, dumbfounded at the youth of Fumio.

"New diet, new workout routine," Fumio cackled, chest pressing against his, and damnation, he should not be feeling this way to a colleague. "You're in for a treat tonight." Twirling the cleaver with dexterity, she thrust it towards Senzaemon, "You're paying for me too, right?"

"Naturally," Senzaemon nodded.

"Nice," she cackled, pivoting on heel to walk towards the dorms, "I've gotta go make sure the kiddies are nice and tucked in, but I'll join ya later!"

"Sounds good," Senzaemon called back. "By the way, did you see Sōma?"

"Sōma? What's a--" Halting, Fumio turned around and marched back in. She began aggressively poking Senzaemon in the chest, "Did ya seriously add another kid to the dorms!?"

"You have plenty of space!"

Face contorting into a familiar snarl, Fumio stomped a semicircle to the house, "Gah! Ya gotta tell me ahead of time! Rassafrassing galumphs with their last minute fancy-schmancy plans and shite."

"Don't tell her this," Senzaemon whispered to Chapelle, "But I did send her an email about Sōma. She just never checks it. She's a bit shy about… not being good with computers."

Chapelle looked at his friend with silent judgment. The technological literacy of Fumio was not the biggest concern he had.

"What happened to Fumio?"

"Mystia-chan." Senzaemon chirped. Chapelle never wanted to hear him do that again. It was… disgusting seeing an old man seeing his friend chirp as if he was some… some… gyaru girl. When Mystia did it, it was adorable. When Senzaemon did it, Chapelle wanted to choke him.

Crossing his arms, Chapelle remained silent, intensifying his glare. The French chef was not in the mood for Senzaemon's little games.

With a dramatic sigh, the Demon Lord of the Academy pouted like a small child as he explained, "As you know, the Polar Star Dorm has an initiation test where the applicant presents one dish. Evidently, even adults are not safe from this, so Mystia made a dish she called Power Soup."

Sensing that there would be a pause for dramatic silence, Chapelle estranged it in the cradle, motioned with one hand, "Get on with it."

"Fumio ate the dish, felt the power, and this is where it gets fuzzy." Senzaemon scratched his chin, "Alcohol was apparently involved, so Fumio went a bit wild with her newfound youth."

"Okay?"

"I don't know if you saw the light show, but apparently, Mystia had to subdue Fumio with something called Danmaku."

Chapelle's mouth did not drop. He was a Frenchman, such displays of surprise were for idiots and the young. What he did instead was pinch his brow and sigh. SIgh deeply. Sigh as if the world was nonsense because it was fucking nonsense.

"...You know what?" Chapelle looked up "Not even going to ask. Is what happened replicable?"

"Sadly, no," Senzaemon sighed, "If only. Imagine us in our youth once more!"

While Chapelle was touched that he was included in Senzaemon's fantasy of a second chance, he still had to ask, "So why did Fumio become younger?"

"Apparently, she was on the cusp of becoming a youkai," Senzaemon chuckled, a deep, brass one that was definitely out of place considering the fact that one of his employees had undergone a transformation into a monster of lore, "Mystia thinks that Fumio has become a yamanba. Makes sense with all the rumors of her haunting the dorms, eh!?"

"Youkai, yes, wonderful," Chapelle nodded, pinching his brow again,"Aren't yamanba usually man-eaters, old witch women who hung about mountains and forests being dreadful and shit? Like Baba Yaga or something?"

"Well, yes," Senzaemon agreed easily, "But the old tales also have them raising lost and wayward children to heroes of myth and legend."

"Been studying up on them, haven't you?"

"I have!" Senzaemon nodded with a detestably easy grin, "You're taking this awfully well."

"Not half as well as you." Chapelle mentally groaned at the now very distinct and real possibility of his old friend's epithet of "Demon Lord" becoming quite literal. If there was a God, please never let that happen. Senzaemon would be insufferably smug.

"So… we have what is maybe, probably a witch. An actual, literal witch here," Chapelle pinched his forehead harder, "And if I'm guessing correctly, you want to see if she can teach the magic."

"Night Sparrow actually," Senzaemon corrected with a content smile, "Though she has learned a few recipes from witches."

"Oh, yes, like that's much better."

Chapelle noticed that Senzaemon did not deny the desire to teach… freaking magic. Fucking hell. Damn the Brits, and fuck Harry Potter.

"The more important question, my friend," Senzaemon leaned in, "Would you like to dine here tonight?"

Looking around, Chapelle couldn't help but notice a distinctly supernatural line of lights crowding around the perimeter of the Polar Star Dormitory. And it was getting dark. Dark far earlier than it should be. This was shaping up to be like the stories his Nan told him about when to get out of dodge in a dark forest.

And Senzaemon wanted… Chapelle… to dine here. Dine. Here. At the… magical bullshit diner?

Finding a seat, Chapelle didn't sit so much as he collapsed into a seat. Looking at the remarkably tight backside of Fumio, looking back at the smug face of Senzaemon, Chapelle buried his face in his hands and sighed.

This was the sorta shit that got fuckers burned at the stake.

And fuck him nine ways to Sunday, Chapelle did want to try the food.

=====

AN:

Yes. I went there. It's probs goign to be controversial, but... eh. I've always been a fan of slow ripples out though this one seems to be more of a splash. On this point, I'll be ignoring criticism because A. I just like the idea of contact with a Gensokyo resident and logic being catalyst for nascent youkai and B. MILF!Fumio.

There's a far-off distant idea that I want to sort of approach where Gensokyo reunites or at the very least starts up communications with the Outside World; something similar to Eternal Shrine Maiden by Beiyang, the MCU/Touhou crossover. The idea of having that sort of two worlds meeting being initiated by a little Night Sparrow Cook is... there's something tasty about that in my head.

SO yeah. That's why Fumio is a yamanba. Is it crack? Yes. Am I goign to be treating it seriously?

I have never once been able to let crack ideas rest without trying to come up with a decent story, reasonable explanation, and several fun scenes that I genuinely want to write.

So, yes. THere's a plan.

That being said, do feel free to suggest scenes and interactions or ask me questions about my plans! THat is fun! Just please don't try and convince me to retcon or erase it like the Quicktime Cooking or the swearing.

Anyways, updates. Finished the latest chapter of AGT. Should be coming out on Patreon later today and it'll be out in a week. "Anime is Real" has one more chapter incoming, but that one will not be a patreon-preview because I do not want to deal with that BSery of RoosterTeeth.

Anyways, I think that's all the updates for now. Here's and thank you for reading this story and supporting me on my literary journeys!
If you want more of this, suggest it in the polls on my patreon and I'll pencil it in for people to vote on!
To all my patrons, thank you. It really helps.
If you want to help support my writings, here's a remind that I have a Patreon! Feel free to help out there! It gets you big thankies and also previews and sneak peeks to finished chapters. You'll get episodes a week ahead, but you'll also possibly get to comment on completed scenes. You also get discord roles. It's just for things. There's also a Discord!
Now onto the comments! Likes and follows are all well and good, but comments are what really make me feel as if a work is meaningful or doing well. Gives me energy and interaction to keep on writing!
But ah. Uh... No flame wars please.

 

[Blaflaix]

And, of course, Senzaemon would allow an illegal moonshine operation run by students here. And, of course, Fumio would encourage this.

Click to shrink...

"We're a culinary school, not a speakeasy school! They should be making wine!"

 

[Spectrum]

This was the sorta shit that got fuckers burned at the stake.

Click to shrink...

Well, no, executions of that sort tended to be politically or socially motivated, rather than having any actual merit. ;X

"We're a culinary school, not a speakeasy school! They should be making wine!"

Click to shrink...

Getting the right kind and quality of grapes for wine is probably a bit tougher than the number of miscellenaous grains that can be turned into moonshine.

 

[Philosophysics]

Chapter 7: Diner is Prepping, Please Wait Warmly…

Edited by: Kumiho

This was so exciting! Mystia didn't even bother keeping her wings from fluttering; she was so excited to have her first proper opening in moons!

The elderly matron of the Polar Star Dormitory, Fumio-chan, was wonderful and had been so helpful in creating this space for Mystia. She had organized everything, setting up tables and the signboards and the lights, and then she had graciously allowed Mystia to use the dormitory's kitchen. It'd be a bit strange having to cook from a spot where she couldn't immediately see everything, but Mystia would make it work.

No standardized placements for utensils, but Mystia had long gotten used to the strange Outside World system. Instead of having to pre-select her Kitchenwares] for the night, Mystia could select a [Burner], select the proper [Kitchenware], and then just… cook! What a brilliant idea!

Wondrous night, this was almost like being back at home. There were lanterns hung up; none of those fancy-schmancy electric ones, but good ol' fire ones. And there were tables too! Twelve of them! Imagine that!

Lord Senzaemon and Chapelle-san had already claimed one of the tables, but goodness, dearie, this was exciting! A proper opening! And it was at a stage beyond Level 3! Tables and benches where more than two guests could sit! If Mystia ever got home, she'd have to ask Chen to fix up the tables to accommodate more guests. Still a bit strange to have to use an indoor kitchen for outside dining, but that's just how things were.

This had been all very last minute, no thanks to Lord Senzaemon whimsically deciding but three hours ago that he'd like to have a drinking party, but Fumio sure knew how to set things up right quick.

Senzaemon was at least magnanimous enough to allow her to advertise her Grand First Opening in the Outside World. She had made posters! Cute ones with sparrows and lanterns and music notes. Fumio had been nice enough to help print out a stack of flyers, and she'd flown around campus and drizzled them down.

And it worked! Already, a ghostly, spectral line of spirits and youkai were forming on the perimeter of the house. There'd be a bit of mayhem since Outside beings seemed to be awfully impolite, but a little danmaku would get rid of any miscreants.

…It was a bit selfish of Mystia to put the Polar Star Dorm in danger like this, but… she was hoping that if rumors of the Night Sparrow Izakaya spread far enough, some would eventually slip past the Hakurei Barrier and back home to Gensokyo. Then, somebody could finally come get her!

No matter! Mystia may be a small fry, but she was a small fry that could still fight! Even a rabbit cornered knows how to bite. Though Tewi seemed more like the kind to trick you into debt and force you to buy something and give you bad luck to the point where it started snowing in the middle of summer and—

No. Nope. Eenope. Tewi was a dear… Tewi was a trusted… Tewi was a… somewhat-maybe helpful friend now and there would be no bad feelings or grudges. Even if 90 yen for carrots was bullshit.

Making a menu had been fun though! Bit hard to make a proper one without knowing the locals, so she had kept tonight's selection simple and small. Naturally, [Grilled Lamprey] was on as her signature. [Pork and Trout Kebab] for those youkai with a hankering for meat, and [Miso Tofu] for the vegetarians currently practicing. [Peach and Shrimp Salad] for the elegant and [Sakura Pudding] for those with a sweet tooth. The priciest one would be [Golden Ribs Soup].

[Beverages] were a bit harder. Mystia had placed her selection of teas; [Green Tea], [Scarlet Tea], and [Jade Dew Tea], but not much else. Apparently, alcohol was illegal to serve on school grounds, nor could students be allowed to serve alcohol. She herself wasn't supposed to be without a license, but Mystia wasn't too worried about that. Senzaemon would surely have that cover, or failing that, do… something. What that something was, this little Night Sparrow knew better than to ask.

Naturally, she'd be serving Lord Senzaemon and his guest drinks from the top shelf, but anything else would be risky.

"Miss Lorelei?" Sōma knocked, jolting Mystia out of her musing, "The menus have been hung and everything's ready now. When we starting?"

Looking at the clock, Mystia pursed her lips in thought. It was a bit early, but…

"Start making a few of the dishes I showed you earlier and put it on the side to start a backlog," Mystia ordered. She tapped her chin. "Make three each and then stand by. I'm going to go catch up with them."

Sōma was such a dear and such a go-getter. Mystia had been planning on assigning him as a Waiter, but he'd protested and offered to shift as needed, being a Waiter, Drink Server, and even Cook as the situation called for it. Mystia never had a Partner who had offered to do that, so quite exciting. If Sōma did well, Mystia was planning on giving 10% of today's revenue as pay.

But matters of pay were for later. For now, the [Rare Guests] desires should be met.

Walking out, surreptitiously humming a small spell of silence to keep her approach unnoticed, Mystia bowed, full hostess persona on and ready, "Greetings, honored guests. Welcome to the Night-Sparrow Izakaya."

Whilst Lord Senzaemon and Fumio-chan barely flinched, it was gratifying to see Chapelle-san jolt in surprise. A much better reaction than Soma's earlier nonchalance. He was a bit twitchy, so Senzaemon must have informed the human what her true nature was, but his scowl remained present.

"Greetings, Mystia," Lord Senzaemon nodded his head.

"Hah!" Fumio cackled, "You almost got me that time."

"Whatever could you mean?" Mystia chirped, tilting her head just so to pretend at ignorance.

Fumio only chuckled.

Smiling indulgently, Mystia turned from the matron in favor of addressing Chapelle. Bowing once more, she smiled, "Thank you for the lesson earlier, Chapelle-san. If it's not too much, may I serve you my rendition beef bourguignon in exchange for your opinion?"

Admirably, Chapelle-san hesitated only slightly before steeling himself. Scowl lightening into something that half-approached neutral, he nodded, "I look forward to your take then. Just make sure it's a good dish please."

"I'll make sure to go easy on the salt then!" Mystia chirped, the sound sharp like a knife, and the night sparrow took a tiny bit of malicious pleasure at the chef's wince. Petty of her? Yes. Was it rude of Chapelle-san to doubt her skill? Also, yes.

"So I see you got a pet kiddo in the back." Fumio leaned back on her chair to peep through the open, balancing on two legs. "What's that about?"

"Oh, yes!" Mystia resisted the urge to clap her hands. She was being professional. Pro-fess-ion-al. She bowed her head, "Sōma was kind enough to volunteer as an assistant this evening."

"Ah, it's good that young Yukihira found his way here." Senzaemon stroked his chin.

"Oh, shit. That's the kid that's supposed to dorm here, right? Fuck… Hmm…" Fumio scratched her head in thought before sighing, "Normally, I'd make the kid do the Initiation Test, but I'm already going to be stuffed eating ya food…" She tilted her head side to side and then nodded once decisively,, "All right! Mystia-chan!"

Mystia squeaked, jumping up in fright; a perfectly natural reaction to having a cleaver shoved into her face. Fluttering her descent down, she coughed twice as she regathered her composure before speaking. "Yes, Fumio-chan?"

"If you say the kid does good, he's in," Fumio snapped her fingers twice, "If ya can, have him make a random dish for me, but if he can't, I'mma trust what you say."

"A break from tradition? Why? Has the Iron Matron grown soft?" Senzaemon leaned in, voice teasing.

"More a twist, ya big menace!" Fumio slapped Senzaemon's back in what she thought was a joking manner and what Senzaemon must have felt was near-lethal. "'Sides, I'd feel bad for making the kid sleep outside after working all night!"

Chapelle grunted with a sly smirk, "So the old crone has a heart."

"I like hardworking kids! I'm not going soft, okay?" Fumio growled, cheeks blushing at the insinuation. Before either man could continue teasing, she slammed her fist into the table in a clear indication that the topic was… executed. Mystia noted that it was a good thing that it wasn't her table because that was definitely going to leave a mark. Cheek on fist, Fumio waved a hand as she ordered, "Anyways, I'm hungry! Get me something that goes well with the drinks! And something cold! It's hot as fuck these days!"

Something [Chillable] then. Fumio had quite enjoyed the [ZUN Beer] too, so that would do for the [Beverage]. As for the dish… [Misery Cheese Sticks]. That would work as something that was [Good with Alcohol].

"It is near time to open," Senzaemon nodded, stroking his beard. He held up two fingers, "Get me something with age to drink and a dish with a story behind it."
Hm, so a [Vintage] Beverage and a… [Legendary]? [Dreamy]? Mystia noted that Senzaemon seemed fascinated by the more show-y cuisines, so she'd find something for that.

"You're already doing the beef bourguignon, so surprise me with the drink," Chapelle said, "Though do try something that pairs well with beef."

Mystia smiled to hide her annoyance. 'Pairs well with beef'. What kind of hint was that!? 'Pairs well with beef'? …Wait, was that something one had to pay attention to? Mystia always thought that people drank [Beverages] and ordered [Cuisines] without thought of how they paired? Did they pair? Was that something important to pay attention to?

Gah, something to think about then. For now, Mystia had to return to the kitchen to cook.

"I'll endeavor to find a pleasing accompaniment then. Have a lovely night, all of you." Hands clasped over her front, Mystia bowed once more and turned to leave.

As she walked back, Mystia planned on what she would bring out.

Fumio, she already knew what to get, but as for the others…

Senzaemon wasn't… tricky per say, but he was certainly demanding. He had a predilection for dishes that were grandiose, ones with a story behind them; the man's aura was almost mythical so he desired dishes from myth. Imitation Shirikodama would be good then. An excellent alcohol snack whilst also holding a tale that he would enjoy. Senzaemon did so enjoy listening to Mystia talk about the old tales, and Mystia was more than happy to oblige.

…[Imitation Shirikodama] would do nicely as the dish and… a [Qilin]. It came in a fancy Chinese cup, so that would probably please a grandiose oni such as Senzaemon, right?

Chapelle was… definitely the hardest. Mystia had nothing to work off of, but she did enjoy reading Agatha Q. Christie's mysteries, so what was this but another puzzle to solve? Chapelle seemed to take pride in his cuisine style, so he'd probably enjoy dishes from his homeland. [Beef Wellington] or a [Salmon Steak] seemed [Western] enough, but apparently, there were variations to Western Cuisine? French, German, Russian, and more apparently, and Mystia would hate to serve the wrong type of Western Cuisine to Chapelle.

Though she needn't worry about that now. After all, Mystia had already agreed to do her newest dish of [Beef Bourguignon]. Best of all, she would get his proper opinion on the dish! Ooh, and she'd do Sōma's variation too, [Honey Beef Bourguignon]!

…Again though, what did 'good with beef' mean!? Ugh, Mystia would just treat the French like Remilia and give him wine, specifically [Cassia Wine]. [Western] folk liked wine, right?

Plan all set, Mystia returned to the kitchen to find that Sōma had all the dishes made and plated. Excellent. Even though the Izakaya hadn't officially opened yet, there was already a line forming outside. Small spirits and ghosts, a few tsukumogami, and a few fairies, the clientele was nostalgic but distinctly youthful.

They probably did not have much to spend, but Mystia wasn't doing this for money. She was doing this to have the rumors spread, and it was a bit heady to know that her reputation had preceded her in the Outside World.

Wasting no time, Mystia took over three empty [Burners] and selected a [Steamer] and two [Boiling Pots] before using her magic to begin cooking.

Mystia was no magician, no scholar. All she knew how to do was what she was born with innately and what she had scavenged and scrounged and mashed together. Humans often said cooking held a magic unto themselves, but they didn't believe it, didn't breathe it, didn't live it like Mystia did.

Cooking was magic. The divine act of taking disparate things and fusing them together with careful and controlled deconstruction and division to create something more than the sum of the parts. The first time for any recipe was a hard one; a process where Mystia struggled and fought to understand the purpose, the intent, and the end result.

But once Mystia had internalized that recipe, recreating it was cinch and with a bit of magic, things could be sped up. Don't ask her how though. That was more the job for actual smart folk and magicians; folk like Madame Pachouli, Alice, and… maybe Marisa.

All Mystia knew was that to start the magic of cooking, she had to pull from the innate wellspring of sorcery that was song; a miracle instinctive to a night sparrow such as herself. Using the rhythm to accentuate her movements, using the notes to guide the motions of each recipe, Mystia began to cook.

[Cheese] and two [Ginkgo Nuts] went into the [Steamer]. [Venison], [Truffle], and [Cicada Slough] went into a [Boiling Pot], and [Beef], [Honey], [Onion], and [Mushroom] went into another. Through means mystical and actions subconscious, the three dishes began to cook themselves with the aid of Mystia's memory of creating the dishes.

Each [Kitchenware] was its own small world, own subroutine that executed itself perfectly as Mystia sang a soft tune to serenade the start of each [Cuisine]. Meats were cut and tenderized to wistful greatness. The vegetables were peeled and cut to nostalgic perfection. The dressings and the sides were added in a maudlin fashion to tie all the separate parts together into perfection.

Mystia's magic wasn't very strong. She took pride in her danmaku, don't get her wrong, but compared to the feats of magicians, the miracles of the miko, or the simple and indisputable power of the youkai at the top and in charge… Well, cooking and singing magic wasn't very flashy.

But it was useful, it was hers, and Mystia took pride.

As she waited for the dishes to finish cooking, Mystia noticed that Sōma had drawn closer. "Do you need something, Sōma?"

"Why were you asking them questions, Miss Lorelei? I thought you made tonight's menu already." he asked, looking with awe at the [Kitchenwares] merrily humming and whistling to completion, "You're making something way different than what's on the menu."

"You answered your own question, silly!" Mystia twittered, playfully slapping Soma's shoulder, "Still, to answer your question, I asked to figure out what they want and need, of course!" At Soma's questioning hum, Mystia shook her head in mock frustration, "Some guests have dietary needs and restrictions. Most times, they know well enough to order for themselves, but a certain few are… prideful and like having their tastes being personally catered to." Such as Cirno, Yuugi-san, and, may she never learn of Mystia's actual opinion, Reimu.

"Ah," Sōma nodded, hand stroking his chin in thought, "Makes sense."

"And some folks are just picky," Mystia cut in, half-cackling at Sōma's choked laugh, "It's true! It's true, I tell ya!"

"Nah. I know what ya mean. Got a few busybodies try to shut down my Pop's diner a few weeks ago. Some folks be real prissy and preachy about what they want, right!"

"Indeed! Indeed!" Mystia nodded, taking the [Steamer] off and plating the [Misery Cheese Sticks]. "So I make a few dishes off-menu or change a few ingredients just for them."

"Really?"

"It's easier that way," Mystia nodded, going back to humming as she began cooking another set of [Misery Cheese Sticks]. Fumio always wanted more than one, so best get ahead of that train. "Sometimes folks order things that they don't like or can't eat and then complain, complain, complain." She shuddered at the memories of Cirno freezing half her kitchen in a tantrum and of Reimu literally blowing up her menu. "Try having half your kitchen frozen in ice because an ice fairy decided that she was STRONG enough to handle the spiciest, hottest curry in Former Hell!" Just remembering the shee stubbornness of the Ice Fairy had Mystia's wings fluffing up in anger. "Let me tell you something, Sōma-chan. The customer may always be right, but sometimes they're also stupid. You have to see past what they say they want and fulfill what they actually want."

It was gratifying to see Sōma's utter focus on her words. Did a Night Sparrow's ego good to have such an attentive listener. "What do you mean?"

"Hm… I think a story's easier to explain," Mystia tapped her chin as she ladled out the three [Imitation Shirikodama] from the [Boiling Pot]. She could start another set, but Lord Senzaemon seemed the sort to enjoy a variety of dishes. She'd ask what he'd like to try next. Besides, she still had a story to tell. "Remember that ice fairy? She melted while eating spicy and hot curry because of course she did. She's an ice fairy and I got the recipe from Former Hell! The place legendary for fire and flames! You'd think she'd learn the first time she melted, but no! Cirno-chan ordered the [CAUTION!!! Hellish Spice!] three more times because she wanted to 'win' against the 'strongest' dish." At the time, Mystia had stressed out, but now the memory of Cirno's tomato-red face only brought giggles. "Don't tell her I did this, but I added extra [Cheese] and a few drops of [Dew] to the last dish to make it sweeter and milder. Also cut the chilis down to a third of the original."

"...You lied to her?"

"I helped her fulfill her desire." Mystia corrected. "She didn't want to eat the dish; she wanted to win against the dish. To be frank, I was a bit tired of having to mop up her remains every night she fought the curry and I was tired of wasting ingredients on a [Cuisine] she wasn't even enjoying. An easy modification not only placated her ego, but also gave me a new dish in [Cirno's Hell Curry]!"

Mystia was quite proud of that last trick. Cirno had naturally quickly discovered the deception, but offering to name the dish after Cirno had made the Ice Fairy pleased as punch. The Ice Fairy had declared that [CAUTION!!! Hellish Spice!] had been a [Cuisine] that cheated in their fights, whatever that meant, and that the [Cirno's Hell Curry] was the true worthy foe and that Cirno had won!

Whatever logic that was, Mystia did not nor wish to understand. What mattered was that Cirno stopped melting at the table and that she herself had found a new dish. Truly a masterstroke of genius on her part.

"Still seems… wrong," Sōma grumbled, rubbing her chin. "I get it, but… seems wrong."

Lifting the [Boiling Pot] with a grunt, Mystia tipped the [Honey Beef Bourguignon] into a bowl. As she set it back down, she sighed before beginning to explain.

"Food is food, Sōma-chan. Pride is all well and good, but we serve food first and foremost. Hunger is the enemy; delight is our ally. When we cook, we have our own vision, our own tastes, and that's all fine and dandy and even good, but when we serve, we should strive to meet the desires and needs of our customers first. We're not fighting with our guests; this ain't danmaku. Food is for connection and joy. Like a song, we should seek harmony in our every note, our every action, our every decision. Cooking isn't a battle where one side wins and the other loses. It's a gathering where people rest after a long day."

Mystia sighed fondly as she thought about that first night in the Human Village, running her little stand in the midst of all those scary and judging stares. She shuddered at the memory of the fear, but her spine straightened as she remembered those stares becoming alight with glee as the humans got used to and even excited for her little Izakaya. Maybe it was a bit dramatic, but… her restaurant, her Izakaya had done great things. Not just save Gensokyo from Lady Yuyuko's apocalyptic appetite, but… In connecting people. Youkai and humans were meant to always be enemies, but… to see storied enemies dine in peace, laugh in joy, drink together under a strange night? And to know that it was her restaurant that brought the impossible sight of enemies together?

Thinking of the agest past where youkai hungered for humans and humans hunted for youkai, Mystia's voice took on a melancholy tune as she hummed thoughtfully. Maybe she had been hanging around Myouren Temple too much, but…

"Hunger is an inescapable pain all beings know and have," Mystia mused softly, continuing her impromptu lecture. "But so too is the joy of having a full stomach. To consume is the most basic reaction to that eternal emptiness; to aid another in the alleviation of that pain is our dharma, our duty as chefs. Feeding physical hunger is but one aspect of an omakase. The mind, the spirit, their needs should be met too; their fatigue eased, their weight lessened with each bite. In other words, food should be fun!"

There was a silence, a thoughtful silence that was peaceful. Not one to waste a moment, Mystia turned off the [Burners] for safety and began shifting through the [Beverage Rack] for the right drinks.

"...Is it alright if I call you sensei?" Sōma suddenly asked.

It was a good thing Mystia had already taken out the [Beverages] because she'd have hit her head on the top in her surprise. "Huh? What!? Why!?"

Rolling his head with a shrug, Sōma answered plainly. "You're super wise, Teach. You've said a lot of what I always thought but… poetic-like."

"I'd hate to consider what you see stupid then!" Mystia's voice trilled a pitch higher as she tried to cover her embarrassment with a facade of annoyance. This was like Megumi-chan all over again. She liked helping, but a night sparrow was not a hakutaku, were or not. Mystia wasn't anything like Keine-sensei at all. She had trouble reading kanji! At Sōma's forlorn gaze though, Mystia couldn't find the strength to deny the request. She sighed. "I suppose don't mind showing off a few tricks and recipes I've picked up over the years, but we can do that after we finish feeding everyone." Sōma's glee was both endearing and annoying, so Mystia shoved the three dishes onto a tray and shoved it into his arms, "Now get to work on serving those dishes."

Looking down, Sōma noted with surprise. "Is this the Beef Bourguignon?"

"[Honey Beef Bourguignon], but yes. I did ask if I could use your rendition earlier," Mystia reminded, "Chapelle-san was a bit too busy to give a verdict on my take today, so I want to see if I got it right now."

"Is this a pride thing? What happened to fulfilling the desires of the guest!?"

"I never said not to have any pride!" Mystia twittered before waving a hand, "Relax. I'll figure out a proper dish for him later. The [Imitation Shirikodama] is for Lord Senzaemon, and these [Misery Cheese Steaks] are for Fumio-chan." Which reminded Mystia to take off the second set of [Misery Cheese Sticks] off the [Steamer]

"Shirikodama?" Sōma's eyes widened with delight, "Like the—"

Goodness, and here she thought only the kappa could enjoy the garishly morbid dish. They were tasty enough, but the thought of eating a human's tailbone, even if it was an imitation, was… ugh. Not that Mystia didn't want to eat humans. She was a youkai through and through. It was just a bit awkward since many of her friends were humans. Felt wrong and dirty. Also, why the tailbone? That was near the buttocks. Seemed unsanitary, but something like the kappa and their craziness would enjoy.

"It's not a true shirikodama; could you imagine the trouble I'd be in for butchering a human!? Reimu would have my wings for breakfast." Mystia shook her head. "No. It's only a facsimile, but I got the recipe from Nitori, so I can only assume that it's accurate." And Mystia studiously avoided the thought of how the taste was made accurate.

Instead of being horrified as he rightfully should be, Sōma's eyes glittered with glee, "Yo, do you think you can--"

What a peculiar child, this Sōma was. Awe instead of horror, joy when there should be terror. She had the distinct feeling that he'd fit in almost too well in Gensokyo with his lax and lazed demeanor to life's little surprises. He almost reminded her of… Marisa. The intense, immense curiosity, the willingness to try anything once; all that Sōma was missing was that mad experimenter's desire and… Sōma did have the right mixture of curiosity and courage to have no qualms and no sense about trying even the most offensive dishes in life.

Mystia decided there and then that she'd try her best to not let the Ordinary Witch and Ordinary Chef meet.

"FIne, yes, I'll teach you how to make one later," Mystia placated, hoping to distract Sōma from other things. She placed her hands on her hips and sighed dramatically, "Goodness, you sure are curious. Quick now, go along. I'll follow right behind with the drinks."

Sliding the dishes onto the try, Sōma said, "I can take those too, Teach."

Oh, what a good boy. So helpful. Sadly, Mystia had to refuse.

"Quite good of you to offer, but I've been informed that minors cannot serve alcohol in the Outside World, so no," Mystia sighed, remembering explaining that pickle to Lord Senzaemon a few days ago. Goodness, no wonder the youth were so out of control. Imagine not having alcohol to soothe the hurts from a good fight! "Again, Reimu would have my wings for breakfast. Now git. We're going to have more customers later."

"Gotcha!" Sōma nodded, "Wait, what do you mean more customers?"

Oh, dearie her, she had forgotten how blind humans from the Outside World were. Megumi had been much the same back at the Ryokan around the time of Omagatoki, but good thing, Mystia knew a trick to fix this. Gargling a bit, Mystia spat into Sōma's eyes.

Flinching and flailing, Sōma yelled, "Gah, that's nasty! Why' ya do that, teach!?"

"Sorry," Mystia giggled apologetically, using her sleeve to wipe away the residue on his face. "Picked up that trick from a western hobgoblin I met. You should be able to see them now."

"See—" Sōma trailed off as he looked at the line forming up, "Whoa. That's a lotta folks."

"Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty big deal back home. Word musta spread." Mystia slapped Sōma's back. "Opening night's gonna be hard, so pucker up! I might need ya help for cooking too!"

Looking at the line, then at the food, Sōma smiled brightly before stepping out with confidence. "Gotcha, boss!" Good boy, that one.

Though… boss. Nobody ever called her boss. Mystia decided she quite liked the sound of that.

=====

AN:

All right!

How'd you like that? Finally! A bit of teaching by our Night Sparrow Chef! Nothing close to a formal class, but that'll come with time.

I hope you enjoyed the ltitle diatribe. I had to do a bit of work editing out Yamanba!Fumio, but if I missed any, let me know. I hope you liked the babbling of philosophy I did at the end.

For now, the next arc we'll be taking will have a small leave to go on a flashback sequence.

Is this what you think it is? If you're thinking it's of a flashback sequence to Mystia's first days in the Outside World and how she and Megumi met, then eeyup! It is!

There'll be circles! There'll be Noir Chefs! There'll be a failed exorcism and a strange summoning! THERE WILL BE FOOD!

There may also be a small bit of danmaku, but this isn't a battle manga.
*Remembers competitive cooking who's rating is measured by magical stripping*
...It's not a battle manga, but it is defintiely something else!

At least that's the plan. Full disclosure, having a bit of trouble writing the chapter that'll set up the reason why we have the flashback sequence.

SO it might take a while...

Which is why I'm probs goign to have an ADHD moment, try and write this, and then start writing something else.

What that is, I'll confess I do not know, so don't judge me. Don't judge me. Don't look at me. I'm embarassed about my lack of ability to focus at times!

Oh, yeah. A Gensokyo Transmission gets a new update next week.

And I'm planning on having the next few weeks after that be the publishing of my one shots/pilot chapters of my 3 original novels. All the art is done as is the concept art. Will talk about that later.

Anyways, I finished the last of the one shots. Bit awkward, but I want to mention it again because I"m excited. I also have the concept art because I'm excited. Expect the three pilot episodes soonish.

...Because I'm very excited to show off what I've been working on.

For now, here are the summaries. Also, a poll!

Spoiler: Wing It, Karasu Dancer

Head filled with two very different sets of lives, both half-lived and half-remembered, to say that Sakai Miu had problems was a good start to the mess that was her new life. Knowledge of the sciences and humanities clashing with memories of magic and martial arts, an identity crisis constantly threatening to evolve into an existential crisis, just about the only thing Miu was looking forward to doing was remembering/re-learning how to fly with her old/new pair of wings.

That's not to mention the stupid clan politics playing out while Miu's struggling with all of this. Why did she have to sit through so many omiai with creepy old men!? Why can't any of them be cute girls!?

Spoiler: Run No More, Rabbit

After a decade of wandering through the other realms of myth and lore, making friends and enemies and learning all that she could in her search for home, Hapa was simply relieved to have finally returned to the mundane world of humans. She thought that being a bunny girl in the real world would be the biggest problem she'd have to tackle, but Earth had apparently changed quite a bit while she was gone with superheroes and monsters now being a part of the daily news cycle. Through no fault of hers, she ended up on said daily news cycle and… may or may not be in trouble with the authorities of the world. Hapa had never thought once that she could hide from her problems, but she figured she sure as hell could damn well run.

…What do you mean they're asking for help!?

Spoiler: Reject [System], Become Monkey

Mandate of Heaven. Will of God. Karma. Fate. Destiny. The idea of a cosmic set of rules, a divine order to be followed has been a part of humanity for as long as instinct has governed decision. The [System] should then therefore theoretically come naturally to all who encounter it. Unfortunately for everybody involved, including and especially herself, Wren Xiao Liang took a few too many philosophy classes to accept such a system without question.

I'm curious. Based on the summaries, which story seems most interesting?

Stories Based On Summary - StrawPoll

What is your opinion? Vote now: Wing It, Karasu Dancer, Run No More, Rabbit, Reject [System], Become Monkey

strawpoll.com

I also have CONCEPT ART! Click the patreon link to see the art I did by my friend, the amazing TMO88!

Based on the Art, Which Story Seems Most interesting? | Philosophysic's Philosophical Pieces

Get more from Philosophysic's Philosophical Pieces on Patreon

www.patreon.com

Anyways, I think that's all the updates for now. Here's and thank you for reading this story and supporting me on my literary journeys!
If you want more of this, suggest it in the polls on my patreon and I'll pencil it in for people to vote on!
To all my patrons, thank you. It really helps.
If you want to help support my writings, here's a remind that I have a Patreon! Feel free to help out there! It gets you big thankies and also previews and sneak peeks to finished chapters. You'll get episodes a week ahead, but you'll also possibly get to comment on completed scenes. You also get discord roles. It's just for things. There's also a Discord!
Now onto the comments! Likes and follows are all well and good, but comments are what really make me feel as if a work is meaningful or doing well. Gives me energy and interaction to keep on writing!
But ah. Uh... No flame wars please.

 

[taovkool]

How'd you like that? Finally! A bit of teaching by our Night Sparrow Chef! Nothing close to a formal class, but that'll come with time.

Click to shrink...

I like it very, very much.

Seconds, please.

 

[Spectrum]

…It was a bit selfish of Mystia to put the Polar Star Dorm in danger like this, but… she was hoping that if rumors of the Night Sparrow Izakaya spread far enough, some would eventually slip past the Hakurei Barrier and back home to Gensokyo. Then, somebody could finally come get her!

No matter! Mystia may be a small fry, but she was a small fry that could still fight! Even a rabbit cornered knows how to bite. Though Tewi seemed more like the kind to trick you into debt and force you to buy something and give you bad luck to the point where it started snowing in the middle of summer and—

Click to shrink...

Oh dear. Yeah, she better be able to throw down, because I can't imagine all of the Youkai will be polite even after eating to not want to go for a midnight snack.

 

[Kumiho]

I sure did edit this. Knowing me, I probably missed something.

 

[verycoolname]

I freaking love this. I never would have thought a crossover like this would work so well, but it does.

 

[Xomniac]

Oh dear. Yeah, she better be able to throw down, because I can't imagine all of the Youkai will be polite even after eating to not want to go for a midnight snack.

Click to shrink...

Considering how I imagine that most all Outside World youkai have been slumming it up until now, living between the cracks of humanity and civilization, this is likely to be the first 'modern' food most of them have been able to have free and clear for awhile, if ever. Soooo yeah, she's gonna get some positive reviews and satisfied, not to mention repeat, customers.

 

[vanhilm]

I'm loving this, it's a crossover that I never thought about but it works great

 

[Cubbyhb1]

I hope you enjoyed the ltitle diatribe. I had to do a bit of work editing out Yamanba!Fumio, but if I missed any, let me know. I hope you liked the babbling of philosophy I did at the end.

Click to shrink...

Wait, why did you edit that out?

 

[frog142]

I did indeed like the babbling of philosophy you did at the end. Also the way you are interpreting the game mechanics to "real life" is neat.
Mystia being surprised with chapelle asking for a drink that pairs with the food makes sense as thats not something you have to worry about in the game and it shows how much mystia still doesn't know about cooking. which i actually like because it makes mystias relationship with the school a two way thing. she can teach and also be taught. ive been struggling to write this for like thirty minutes but i think what im trying to say is that you have taken the themes/vibes of the game and expanded and translated them to a written story.
TLDR; this is good and im exited for more! : )

 

[ecs05norway]

This story has been sheer fun so far. I'm loving it.

And of the three you proposed, I rather like the Karasu most. It looks like lots of fun.

 

[Philosophysics]

Chapter 8: Fear and Curiosity Go Hand In Hand More Often Than You'd Like

Cupping a steaming mug of tea, Megumi smiled sleepily as she felt the warmth seep into her hands. A nice afternoon nap had been enough to wash away all the stress of this afternoon. She had been feeling a bit thirsty, so she had gone down to the kitchen to make a spot of green tea. Miss Fumio was a little scary, but she made sure to keep the kitchen well-stocked with the best ingredients.

Megumi had been very careful to not look up what type of green tea she was drinking. Everything in Tootsuki was so much fancier and expensive that Megumi feared just knowing how out of place she was would immediately make her explode.

So she sipped and enjoyed the tea as she quietly marched up the stairs back to her dorm. She had assignments to finish up and her theoretical work was the only thing keeping the practical assignments from incinerating her alive.

As she walked past the hallway, she noticed a door ajar. Wasn't that Zenji's room? Were they gathering for a party or something? That was strange. Isshiki-sempai hadn't kidnapped her which meant there wasn't a gathering tonight, so why was everybody gathering in Zenji's room? Taking another sip of her tea, Megumi walked in to see what all the fuss was about, "Eveni—"

Megumi found herself confused when she was suddenly in a headlock. She then found herself miffed to find that somebody had covered her mouth with their palm. The short blond hair and glowering blue eyes showed that, yes, it was her friend, Yuki Yoshino.

"Shhh!" Yuki hissed into her ear. "You don't want the ghosts to see you!"

It was quite lucky that Megumi was a nice girl and feeling very nice and relaxed after her nap. Otherwise… Otherwise… Otherwise, she might do something not so nice to Yokino, friendship be damned. Something like… Something like… Like hiding the left shoe.

…No. That'd be too mean. Uh, maybe Megumi would pinc— poke Yuki. Yeah. Megumi would poke Yuki. Not once, but twice.

"You're being too loud," Ryoko Sakaki whispered,. Anxiously wringing her long scarlet hair, "You'll draw attention to us."

"What's going on?" Megumi asked, shifting out of Yuki's grip to stand up. She wanted to see what everybody was looking at. At the terrified hisses, she ceased standing straight up to sink to a crouch that allowed her to just barely peer over the windowsill. "No, seriously, what's going on?"

"Just look, dudete." a blond thug pointed. "But not too obvious. Running a hand through his hair and holding a cross to his chest, Shoji murmured a soft prayer. "Gotta keep your soul safe."

"Obviously, she's looking bro," a black-haired thug snapped, hands fiddling with a Buddhist prayer necklace. Chanting softly, Daigo clasped his palms in Buddhist prayer. "We might need more salt. Gotta keep the barrier up."

TUrning around and blinking twice, Megumi noted that they were, indeed, surrounded by a circle of salt. A circle of salt that was being stoically filled by Shun Ibusaki. Eyes shadowed by his fringe, all Megumi could do was freeze as the smoke-specialized chef silently did his duty.

Megumi decided to return to trying to look out the window. After a moment, she gave up. She still couldn't see anything because everybody else had already taken all the good peeping spots. Sighing, she sipped her tea moodily and quietly shuffled off to the other window to join Zenji Marui.

"Evening, Megumi," Zenji scowled, pushing his glasses up. "Come to join the sane side?"

"I just want to see what's going on outside."

"Oh, naturally, naturally," Zenji nodded, bland smile on his face, "It only makes sense for you to come to my window then in my room. Yes. Yes. Not like you couldn't go stand out in the hallway."

"Safety in numbers bro!"

"Yeah! First rule of horror. Don't split the party, dude!"

"Well, don't split the party somewhere else!"

As Zenji started the usual argument about people using any room but his room, Megumi took the opportunity to peer through the open window. She barely withheld a gasp, a happy gasp at what she saw.

It was the Lorelei-sensei. Lorelei-sensei cooking. Lantern lights floated above the tables, unattached to anything. Tables and chairs were filled with patrons of every shape and size and tale, ghostly guests lwaited politely in a spectral line, and dish and drink flew through the air to land perfectly on the table as Lorelei-sensei performed her particular style of waitressing. At the center of focus was a table of three, of the Dean of Tootsuki Academy, the harshest teacher of cooking, and Miss Fumio. Megumi determinedly decided to not look at that strange sight and focus on the familiar one of spirits and ghosts enjoying good cooking and company.

Looking askance at her friends, Megumi found that they were still wrapped in an argument about personal boundaries. Seeing opportunity, she opened up the window and found herself smiling in nostalgia as the sound and smell of her master leaked past the 'safety' of the salt circle. A fae song twinkled in and the bickering grew silent as Megumi fell into habit and sang in tune with her sensei's song.

Even if it had only been a short while, even if it had only been a few times, Megumi found her spirits bolstered at her memories of helping out at the Izakaya. The ryokan may have technically had an izakaya but it wasn't Mystia's Izakaya, wasn't her senseis. There was… something special about being caught in the flow of things and Megumi was just about ready to head down and join Lorelei-sensei.

…Wait. Who was that helping her? Was that… Was that Yukihira!? Why did Yukihira get—

"You have a really nice voice," Ryoko whispered, causing Megumi to jolt. "You should sing more often."

"Uh, thank you?" Megumi replied, wondering when exactly had everyone had surrounded her."

"Is that the Dean?" Yuki whispered anxiously, squishing her cheek to Megumi's. "I see the Dean."

"Is he really a Demon Lord then!?" Ryoko whispered harshly.

"I thought it was just a metaphor!"

"What does that make Chapelle-sensei then!? A western devil!?" Shoji grumbled. "Because he's sitting right there next to the Dean."

"Wait, that laugh. I hear Miss Fumio!" Diago shouted.

"Is she a youkai too!?" Megumi asked, more curious than scared, "...Never knew."

"Probably a Yamanba." Shun supplied.

"Makes sense. Makes sense," Yuki nodded, stroking her chin and, oddly, calming down. "Aren't there lots of folktales about those raising kids?"

"Aren't there a lot about them eating kids?"

"We're cooks, so we just have to appease her appetite with good food." Yuki waved off that concern before sprinting to another one. "I'm worried about Chapelle-sensei! He could take our souls! Or expel us."

"Who's that chef?" Ryoko pointed, "The one with the wings!? She's serving Chapelle-sensei right now!"

"I'm sure you're all just overreacting," Zenji scowled, pushing his glasses up his face. "That's just a lady doing cosplay. The floating lights are just for decoration, and there's nothing weird happening. We are not haunted"

"How can you be sure!? This isn't normal!"

Megumi frowned in confusion before widening them. RIght, yes. It wasn't normal to be so calm with so many ghosts. NO wonder everybody else had been panicking. THis was weird to them. No, wait, it should be weird to herself. Was Megumi's common sense weird!? It shouldn't be. Megumi was normal. Normal and she was going to keep it that way.

Zenji sniffed. "I'll admit that it is anomalous for the Dean of the Academy to visit an impromptu Izakaya, but nothing supernatural like what you're saying."

The Dean's clothes suddenly exploded off him, a heavenly light shining down to give detail and focus ot the elder's magnificent muscles. All the onlookers gave polite applause.

At his friend's expectant looks, Zenji pinched his brow. "That is simply the Nakiri's family bloodline. The chef is talented; the dish delicious. Again, nothing supernatural."

[Demon Lord's Command: Feast Most Festive Tonight[ The Dean bellowed, a sound that came deep from his stomach. THe light shone down brighter, and Senzaemon sparkled. While everybody else in the room panicked, Megumi leaned forward, curious as to what the effect would be.

"He is simply posing!" Zenji refuted, pushing his glasses up once more as he tried his best to deny the supernatural happening.

"WITH NIPPLE LIGHTS!?" Yuki shouted

"His body is trained, his muscles are tight, his physique is beyond mortal comprehension. This is the power of the Nakiri!" Zenji shouted, pushing his glasses up more and more to glint yet more menacingly, "Muscle Men simply sparkle when flexing! Do not remind me of what I shall never have!"

Megumi could only blink at that. She did not know how to respond to that

Nobody else did either, and Zenji was blushing heavily at the admittanceso they all resumed peeking out the window at the ongoings. Sipping her tea, Megumi found that the already cheerful ambience of the place became that much more festive after Senzaemon's commanding [Spell Card]. Megumi made a mental note on the effect and then had a minor mental panic at the thought of helping Lorelei-sensei serve the Dean.

Why did she already take it as a foregone conclusion that she would be helping Lorelei-sensei in her Izakaya on campus!? How'd Lorelei-sensei even get permission to do so!?

Taking a bracing sip of her tea, Megumi almost spilled it when the next [Spell Card] activated.

[Aides of the Polar Star: Oni Brother Come Forth]

"OI! SHOJI! DAiGO!" Miss Fumio screeched, waving an empty mug to and fro. "I SEE YOU UP THERE! COME DOWNSTAIRS AND HELP MYSTIA! SHE'S GOT A RUSH GOING!"

The two boys in question pointed to themselves and then looked around for help. They found nothing. Everybody else had already hidden away, abandoning them to their fate much to their ire. Despite their rivalry, the two huddled together to whisper out a plan.

"Dude. I don't want to go," Shoji shook his head. "There's like… ghosts and shit down there!"

Daigo clasped his rival's back. "Bro, Fumio's got that voice. She's not pissed, but we don't go, we'll be in trouble, bro."

"Is it worth getting cursed, though!?" Shoji clenched his friend's shoulders. "I don't want to be curse, man! My pop's a pastor! He'd kill me!"

"...You're right. You're right. We'll just man up and tank the extra chores then."

Miss Fumio shouted again, "I'LL GET CHAPELLE TO GIVE YOU EXTRA CREDIT IF YOU COME DOWN AND HELP!!"

"But you know," Daigo shrugged, "they also say you can get some pretty neat stuff from spirits, right?"

Shoji nodded in agreement. "Yeah, dude. Besides, never turn down extra credit."

As the two headed downstairs after giving their supposed friends angry glare, those remaining once again turned to Zenji expectantly.

The boy pushed his glasses up once more with irritation, "Again. Not supernatural. That was simply Miss Fumio being a busybody."

Then a voice that played narrator in many of Megumi's dreams sang, "[Magnifique Plat: Les Bénédictions de Dieu Sur Cette Langue]"

Everybody sprinted to the window to see Chappelle-sensei stand on his seat, one foot on the table. Hand on chest and one hand springing out, the old French man sang a trill. A low and powerful baritone, the heavens seemed to weep light as a beam shone down on the singer.

Despite the risk of drawing attention, Megumi and her friends all clapped in unison with the patrons and guest down below. As Chapelle-sensei sat down, ruefully rubbing the back of his head, everybody turned to Zenji once more.

Slumping in his seat, Zenji sigh in defeat, "...Okay, that? That I have no explanation for."

"The way I see it, the center of all of this is the bird lady," Yuki slammed a fist into her palm. "All we have to do is get rid of her and everything goes to normal! Her and that dopey looking assistant!" The huntress chuckled darkly. "Don't worry. I know all about getting rid of birds…"

Why was Yuki's first instinct to immediately go hunting!?

Feeling the need to divert disaster, Megumi spoke up, "Lorelei-sensei isn't the cause of this!"

Near immediately, Megumi wished she hadn't said a word because everybody looked at her.

"Oh," Zenji pushed his glasses up, eyes glinting menacingly. "And how do you know this?"

There was a distinct feeling of being trapped now. She was intensely aware of how many people were surrounding her, immensely wary of all the stares levied at her, and keenly and dearly wished to be anywhere but here.

It wasn't that she didn't trust any of her friends. SHe did; she really did. She just did not believe they had any form of impulse control.

Against her will, Megumi sighed as she answered honestly in the softest voice she could whisper in. "She's my sensei."

Despite her best efforts, they heard her and their response was… overwhelming.

"SHE'S YOUR WHAT!?"

Their shouting chorus caused Megumi to spill her tea all over herself, and the Polar Star Dorm learned that night that despite her meek nature, Tadokoro Megumi had indeed been raised in a port town with all that entailed as indicated by the ensuing storm of swears.

=====

AN:
It's been a while, but I"m back. I actually tossed out the original chapter 8, but if there's interest in that, I'll show it up as an apocrypha of what could've been.

Originally, Megumi was goign to be exorcised! I'll do a bigger AN later, but I'm a bit tired now.

For now, here's some of the owkring plans of what the spellcards do.

Senzaemon's Spellcard
[Demon Lord's Banquet: Feast Bountifully And Drink Without Restraint]
Boost satisfaction level and tipping of all [Legendary] Foods.

Fumio's Spellcard]
[Aid of the Polar Star]
CALLS TWO RANDOM MEMBERS OF THE POLAR STAR DORM TO COME DOWN TO HELP.
This one is still being workshopped, but basically, different helpers would have different effects. Some would give simple meals/ingredients/drinks, some would act as extra cooks or servers, and some just give bonuses.

Chappelle's Spellcard
[Magnifique Plat: Les Bénédictions de Dieu Sur Cette Langue]
All [Western] Dishes gain 15% approval.

Anyways, I think that's all the updates for now. Here's and thank you for reading this story and supporting me on my literary journeys!
If you want to help support my writings, here's a remind that I have a Patreon! Feel free to help out there! It gets you big thankies and also previews and sneak peeks to finished chapters. You'll get episodes a week ahead, but you'll also possibly get to comment on completed scenes. You also get discord roles. It's just for things. There's also a Discord!
Now onto the comments! Likes and follows are all well and good, but comments are what really make me feel as if a work is meaningful or doing well. Gives me energy and interaction to keep on writing!
But ah. Uh... No flame wars please.

 

[Lepidoptera]

Glad to see this story still making its way! There isn't a drought of Touhou on this site, but there's not a massive amount either, and this story concept is just so unique that I couldn't bear not seeing it continue. Keep up the good work!

 

[verycoolname]

Megumi going 'Oh right, people don't normally deal with youkai.' and panicking about whether she's weird or not was absolutely hilarious.

 

[Spectrum]

Slumping in his seat, Zenji sigh in defeat, "...Okay, that? That I have no explanation for."

Click to shrink...

Bro tried, but his level of cope wasn't even close to dealing with this, especially after that self destruction.

(C'mon Megumi, show some initiative and go down there and pitch in of your own accord!)

 

[GallalameBlook]

First rule of horror. Don't split the party

Click to shrink...

That's actually statistically false as long as the group is aware of the threat. Splitting up is actually beneficial (more things are getting done), because whatever killer is out there is either vulnerable to mundane attacks in which case you need a weapon and/or a trap (see Jack Torrance), not strength in numbers, or it's far above human level in which case 1 or 10 makes no difference
« I'll be right back » is still a death sentence tho

I'm surprised that everyone can see Mystia's less physical clients. Like, how can she still think she's fooling anyone after THAT ?
Megumi swearing like a sailor was a funny thought

 

[verycoolname]

I'm surprised that everyone can see Mystia's less physical clients. Like, how can she still think she's fooling anyone after THAT ?

Click to shrink...

Considering Zenji's reaction, Mystia may believe that it's the humans' responsibility to hide the existence of the supernatural. Which, considering that Youkai gain power from belief and fear, is an understandable attitude.