Mirai Nikki: Dead End

[Shinobu Oshino]

​

_____________________________
I wanted it to be a day like any other. One where I came home from school, Mom would greet me on the way in, saying she bought dinner. I'd do my homework, write in my journal, then go to bed. Mom was usually busy with work, and I understood that. I always understood that. I might get a little frustrated, but … I'm just a kid, I want to see my Mom, that isn't really a crime.

Thunder boomed and rain soon followed, drenching the road outside. Mom drove in worse conditions, so she'd probably be fine on the way home. I watched some TV to get my mind off of things.

I turned on some anime, a magical girl show. The name didn't matter since I didn't really care. Flashing lights, explosions, speeches about 'love and peace' didn't serve as the distraction I really needed. I kept stealing glances at the clock. Each passing second, each tick of the clock fed my growing anxiety.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and listened to the pitter patter of rain to drown my worries.

Don't think about it.

Then, I heard sirens. Sirens blaring off into the distance.

I leapt to the window, nearly tripping over my own feet.

No, calm down, that isn't out of the ordinary, especially for this side of town.

No, It was normal. It was definitely normal. There's nothing to worry about.

My shoulders relaxed. I dragged myself back to my seat, doubt still nipping at the back of my mind.

It's nothing.

This isn't the first time you've worried, it won't be the last. It's alright. Maybe Mom stopped for take out? Though, if she did, she'd normally call me and ask what I wanted.

Yeah, it's nothing.

Don't think about it..

Another hour had passed, then two. No call, no text, nothing.

The show I watched finished its marathon. Now there were just the usual news reports. It didn't interest me at all. I left it on since the background noise was somewhat of a comfort. I pulled out my notebook and started working on tonight's homework. It was basic math, so it wasn't too difficult for me. I'm not the brightest, but even I can do this much without Mom's help.

…

After a few problems, I stared outside. The rain hadn't stopped, and neither had the sirens.

Work. You have to work. If you don't, Mom is going to get mad. She'll be home soon.

I murmured over and over to myself, repeating those words like a mantra.

She'll be home soon. She'll be home soon. She'll be home soon.

I wanted this feeling to be gone. I wanted everything to be okay.

One call couldn't hurt. Just one. I did call her earlier in the day at work, and she didn't seem too happy. Something about a bad deadline and the Mayor's office. It went over my head, so I didn't care. As long as she was okay.

I dialed her number.

Ring.
Ring. Ring.
Ring. Ring. Ring.

Nothing. Just her voice mail.

It was unusual, but she's probably still busy.

I went back to my homework. I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't focus. The numbers on the page turned to gibberish. My hand shook. My knuckles were white with tension. My handwriting wasn't even legible. I shook my head and tucked my notebook away into my backpack.

It was 8 PM.

I didn't even notice another hour had passed.

I was so focused on Mom that I hadn't even eaten dinner yet. Not like I could eat in the shape I was in. And even then, I didn't want to eat without her.

Don't think about it…

Just then, my phone rang.

I froze. I didn't recognize the caller ID. The phone continued to ring, pounding into my ears, matching my erratic heart beat. It was almost deafening. It was screaming at me to pick it up.

Don't. Don't do it. Don't do it. If you do, then….

I picked it up.

"H-hello?" I forced out a greeting.

"Is this Vera Amatani?" I didn't recognize the voice on the other end.

"Y-yes?" I choked out my words. I knew why they were calling. There was only one reason they'd call me. I wanted to run away, I wanted to drop my phone. I wanted to scream.

"It's about your mother..."
_____________________________

I raced to the hospital as fast as I could. I ran, and ran, and ran. It was close enough that I didn't need a car. I just had to get to her. I had to get to her. I had to see her.

"Miss Amatani! Wait!"

I ignored the voice and kept running.

Then, I tripped. My arms cushioned the blow as I slid across the wet cement. Blood mixed with mud. "Mom! MOM!" I had to get up. My legs wouldn't move. Move. I wanted to move.

Everything hurt. Blood spilled from my busted kneecaps.

"Miss Amatani!" A car door closed. "Stop! Miss Amatani!" Someone grabbed my wrist.

"Let me go! LET ME GO!"

"No." The cop gently embraced me. "I won't. Please, calm down."

"Please, just let me go to where she is. Please!"

"You can't!"

I had nothing else.

Dad died.

Now Mom left me.

What did I do to deserve this? Did I do something? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so please give her back.

Please, give her back to me.
___________

Present Day -- 4/15, Friday -- Sakurami City, Funeral Home​

Mom was killed leaving work. She was just walking to her car, taking a short cut, and she was killed. It didn't feel real. Everything was listless, faint. It all felt fake, like a hazy dream.

I can't acknowledge her death, even at her funeral. This takes me back to when Dad died just two years ago. Mom cried and cried, embracing me, looking on at his pale face. It didn't hit me until the night after he was buried that he was really gone.

I expected him to pop into the house, grumbling, saying that he had another hard day at work. He never came home. It was such a simple thing, but it told me that he was never coming back.

I used to think that I had something wrong with me, something just a bit off kilter. I'm just different. Maybe I just don't want to face reality. People grieve differently, but… I don't think I've ever grieved.

The priest continues his sermon. I wasn't listening. I move to the back of the room. To be honest, I just want to leave -- but I can't do that. It was my own mother's funeral, after all.

My family isn't that large since my Mom was an only child and my Dad only had one brother. Most of the people here were family or work friends. They all showed respect to me before the funeral started, bowing as they entered the room, showing thanks to my mother and me.

I don't feel gracious, or even sad. I'm mad, frustrated -- but I don't know why. Maybe I'm mad at the cops for not finding the killer? No, that's not fair. They're doing their best.

"Miss Amatani."

The cop from that night approaches me from the side. I think his name was Nishijima? He knew my Dad, so that must be why he's acting familiar. "Yes?"

"How are you… holding up?"

That was all he had to say?

"I apologize, I'm not very good at this."

I laugh.

"Hey…" Nishijima's face burns red.

"I'd like to say I'm fine, but… " I stare at the front of the room where my Mom is. "I'd be lying."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I know that, but… I feel like there's something else I could've done. That we could have done."

"You did your best." I do my best to smile. "That's all you can really do."

"So, what are you going to do from here?" Nishijima manages to calm himself down.

"What do you mean?"

"Where are you going to stay?"

"... I don't know." My grandparents on my Dad's side were supposed to get custody of me, but my Grandpa passed away and my Grandma is in a retirement home. I may end up being put into foster care.

"I don't like the idea of just leaving you home by yourself."

[_] "I'll be fine on my own, at least for now."
[_] "What did you have in mind?"
[_] Custom

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

CHARACTERS​

Spoiler: You

Name: Vera Amatani
Age: 15
Occupation: Student
Holder #: Zero/0th
Diary: Daily Diary
A diary that tells Vera the important events of her daily life. Only gives events that have happened through out the day. Updates when the future is changed like any other diary.
Abilities:
Deja Vu
Vera's memories are clouded and mixed up, but they seem to be offering a glimpse into an alternate future, or perhaps a past that has already occurred.

Up to three times per 'episode', Vera can glimpse a history gained from one of the choices or a suggested choice to see what kind of event may play out.

The counter will be at the end of each post to know how many Deja Vu counters remain for each episode. To 'use' it, just vote with a 'O' on the choice rather than using an 'X'. The vote still has to be majority for the Deja Vu to actually take effect. A 'Deja Vu' post will give information gleaned from its use in the form of a separate narrative rather than progressing the main story itself.

Deja Vu can only be used once per post.

Spoiler: Contacts

Masumi Nishijima - A colleague of your deceased father. Seems reliable and friendly.

​

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

"What did you have in mind?"

"I, uh… I owe a lot to your Dad, so I was thinking I could take care of you. At least until things can be sorted out."

I didn't want to be alone. Who knows, what happened to Mom could happen to me. A part of me wouldn't mind that, I'd be with her, but … that'd be the same as giving up. Mom wouldn't want that from me. I had to be strong, strong for her, strong for Dad. "That doesn't sound bad."

"Really?" Nishijima tries to hide his grin. "That's great. I'll start making arrangements. My apartment isn't that large, so, uh… you'll have to bear with me."

"Thanks for offering."

The conversations died down after. I approach the front of the room as the priest finishes up his sermon. Other family members follow suit, getting up from their seat, exiting the room, making casual conversation on their way out.

Mom sleeps peacefully, eyes closed and hands clasped together. She's never going to wake up again. She'll never say my name, she'll never greet me with a 'good morning' or say bye with a 'good night'.

Mom is actually… gone.

She's gone.

Mom is gone.

My eyes blur. My hands shake, my legs quiver. "Mom." I wipe my tears and lean over the casket. "T-thank…." I stutter. I can't get it out. Dammit, just say it. Just say it. This is the only chance you're ever going to get, Vera. This is the only chance you'll ever get. "Thank you for…"

Good morning, Vera!

It was like… something broke inside me. A torrent of memories washes over me. She's there. She was just here a few days ago. She said that to me just last week.

How was school today?

She was going to say that to me the day she never came home.

Do you need help again? Really, what would you do without me?

I don't know. I don't know. I still don't know.

I love you, Vera.

"I-I love you too." I choke trying to get my words out. "P-please, be happy wherever you are."

I was alone, save for Nishijima watching from behind. So, I finally… fall to my knees, and scream.

I scream as loud as I can. I don't care who sees, I don't care who listens. But, I know a part of me wishes that it reaches Mom and Dad wherever they are. And if they do, I want them to know that I miss them. I want them to know that I want to see them… just one last time.

I want to show Dad how big I've gotten.
I want to show Mom how much she meant to me.
I want them to both know that I love them very much.
___________________________________________________

4/18, Monday -- Sakurami City, Sakurami Middle School ​

The past few days I spent moving what little I had over to Nishijima's apartment. He was right, it wasn't very spacious. He didn't even have a guest room, so I ended up spending the weekend crashing on his sofa. It was pretty comfortable when I could actually get to sleep. The only good night sleep I actually had was last night.

Nishijima said I didn't have to come to school if I didn't want to, but I wanted to get back to my daily life… or what was left of it. I haven't even written in my phone journal for the past week either. It's a habit I need to get back into.

I enter the classroom and everyone seemed like they're avoiding eye contact. Doesn't feel like they're ignoring me but… I can't shake the feeling that something is off. Whatever, it isn't my problem. I take my seat and start rummaging through my backpack for my late homework.

"Hey, Amatani."

I look up to see someone I haven't spoken to in a while. Gnarled black hair, a lost look in the eye. What was his name again? Ouji Kosaka? He's a jock, and a little obnoxious -- but that's all I can really remember about him.

"What is it?"

"I heard about, uh, your… Mom."

I remain silent.

"How you doin'? I mean, you're doing okay, right?" He scratches the back of his head. "You came to school and all, so uh..." He keeps mumbling under his breath.

[_] Say nothing, ignore him.
[_] "I don't really want to talk about it."
[_] "I'm doing fine."
[_] "Is that really the first thing you say to me?"
[_] Custom

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

Is that really the first thing he says to me? Though, I should respect the fact he's saying anything at all. Everyone else is just going about their business as normal. It takes courage. Still, it's not something that I want to speak about on my first day back to school. I came here to get my mind off of things. "I… don't really want to talk about it."

"Ah, yeah, makes sense." Kosaka's eyes dart left and right. "If you wanna talk, I'm just a few rows away. Haha!" He encourages me with a nervous grin. "Oh, hey, Shiraishi!" Kosaka yells out, going over to greet his friend, leaving me alone.

"Kosaka…" I mumble his name, hoping that just saying it would refresh my memory. Of course, things aren't that convenient. I sigh, frustrated, and go back to finishing up my homework.

No, wait, I do remember.

"Hahaha!" Kosaka laughs loud enough for the entire class to hear. "Yeah, I know, right? … Eh, I dunno about that. Maybe we can hit the place up after school?" His laugh is, for lack of a better word, obnoxious.

It isn't just that either. He's insensitive, on top of being a bit of a bully. He gave me a hard time during my first year at Sakurami Middle. The situations weren't anything major. Hiding my erasers, taking a pencil away every now and then.

I remember talking to Mom about this. She said something like 'If a boy treats you like that, he has a crush!'. I didn't believe it then, and I don't believe it now. If someone feels a certain way, they should say it rather than obscuring it with bravado.

"Hey, Yukiteru." Kosaka greets another student walking in. Yukiteru Amano. He meets Kosaka's gaze, smiles, and walks past to take his seat. Kosaka clicks his tongue, but does nothing else.

"Good morning, Yukki." Yuno Gasai passes by my desk with her arms behind her back.

"Ah, Yuno. Morning," Yukiteru says, placing his bag down.

"Is your Mom going to be home today?"

"No, I don't think so. She's working again."

"Can I, um, come over?"

"Oh, if you want to. I'm not doing anything."

Their conversation isn't any of my business. I scribble down the rest of my answers on the homework and tuck the sheet away. I relax, using my arms as pillows. Even if I got sleep last night, that didn't mean I wasn't tired. Actually, I'm half-tempted to sleep through class. Did I even have the energy to listen to Mr.Hiyama's lecture? No. I really didn't. I closed my eyes.

"Amatani."

My heart skips a beat. That was Yuno's voice, wasn't it? Wasn't she talking to Yukiteru a second ago?

"Yes?" I yawn as I meet her gaze.

I saw something.

Something I shouldn't have.

The focused eyes of a predator. She was staring at me, no, through me. What was this?

No, that didn't seem right. It must be my imagination, or my sleep-addled eyes. I don't know -- but the fear I felt was… very real. Was I in danger?

No, we were in the middle of a classroom. If it came to a fight, I could handle myself pretty well… Wait, why am I even thinking like this? I'm not going to fight Yuno. I'm just being paranoid.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask, okay?"

Yuno beams happily, but something is off about this. It's probably, again, my own paranoia.

[_] "Sure, I'll take you up on that."
[_] "I think I'll be fine."
[_] Don't say anything.
[_] "Did I do anything to offend you, Gasai?"
[_] Custom

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

"Thanks." I appreciate the gesture from Yuno, but at the same time, I'm not sure what she could do for me.

Yuno nods, satisfied, and heads back to the front of the class. I lay my head down and close my eyes. I drift off. Slowly. Slowly. My eyes flicker. I realize my mistake, pulling up as the bell rings.

But, I'm still tired. I yawn, propping an open book to hide myself. Once I get comfortable, I close my eyes again. It'll just be for a moment. Just to get my energy back.
__________________________________________

Ding. Dong.

"Amatani, hey, wake up."

"Huh?" I open my eyes to a shadow looming overhead. "What is it?"

Kosaka stands over me, a hand on his hip. "You okay? Want me to go get the nurse or somethin'?"

"No." I sit up, wiping the drool from my mouth. "I'm fine. Just a little tired." It's funny. If I was just going to sleep, I should've taken Nishijima up on the offer to stay home and sleep. I scoff, shaking my head. "Where did everyone go?"

"Well, first period is over. Thought I'd wake you up since the teacher might jump on you."

"I appreciate it." If the teacher wanted to get on my case, I imagine they would've by now. Are they being considerate, or are they just ignoring me? Either way, it works out for me. "I should be fine, though."

"Alright, in that case, I'm using the bathroom. See ya," Kosaka says, waving as he exits the classroom.

"Yeah." I give a half-hearted wave.

Sleeping helped with my fatigue, so I should be good for the rest of the day. I took a deep breath, got up from my seat, and started preparing for second period.
_____________________________________________________

The rest of the school day went by with relative ease. Yuno didn't give me any more of those 'looks', so I guess it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Kosaka didn't keep checking on me after he woke me up. I didn't want to be dismissive or mean to him, so I'm glad he took the hint.

I eye the clock just as the last bell rings. Chairs screech as everyone gets up from their desks. Yukiteru, on the other hand, remains seated, typing a text on his phone. At least, that's what I think it is.

Yuno calmly sits up and steps to the back of the room. "Yukki, are you ready to go?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry, Yuno," he says, laughing as he sits up.

Afterward the two leave the room, walking side by side.

"Tch, damn that Yukiteru," Kosaka mumbles.

"Come on, man, just leave him be," his friend laughs, placing a hand on Kosaka's shoulder.

"Whatever." He kicks the ground and walks away, shoulders slumped and his hands in his pockets.

"Oh, hey, Amatani. We need--' A boy calls out to me, but a hand goes up in front of his face. "A-ah, never mind. Sorry." He mumbles, then turns back to the group gathered in the corner of the class.

Were they going to ask me to hang out? That's what it seems like, unless they wanted something else. No sense worrying about it.
______________________________________________________

4/18, Monday -- 8:12 PM, Sakurami City, Nishijima's Apartment

Nishijima said that he was going to be working late tonight, so I had the apartment all to myself. There wasn't much in the way of homework, so I spent a lot of my time relaxing and writing in my diary.

I don't write throughout the day. I usually just write down all of the important stuff that happens. Today I didn't have much to write about.

Spoiler: 4/18/201X

4/18/201X, 8:04 PM
Finally pushed myself to go to school today. Nishijima said I didn't have to, but I went anyway. I ended up sleeping through the first period, but paid attention for the rest of the day.

Yuno gave me this really strange look. Well, I think she did. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Don't know what that was about. Sleep deprivation?

Made it back to the apartment and took a load off. Zzz

The more I write in my diary, the closer I feel to Mom. She used to keep one too. She said it was fun to keep all kinds of secrets. Mine isn't really full of secrets, though, so I don't really know how that feels.

I hug the phone close to my chest.

"Mom."

The fan spins and sways above me. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath.

ZZzsshhtt.

What was that?

I pull my phone up to see nothing but television static. It passes, and when my phone loads up again, it's back to the homescreen. "What the heck?" I sit up on the couch. I flip the screen to see… an app?

Future Diary?

What is going on?

I try to delete it, but nothing happens. I try to move it, and nothing happens. Is my phone bugging out? No, it shouldn't be, considering it's relatively new. This doesn't make any--

"Vera Amatani."

Is someone talking to me through my mind?

"Who's there?" I jump up from the couch. There's no one to my right, to my left, or above me. I'm the only one in the room. Even the balcony is clear. Where the heck are they? "Show yourself."

"You know the answer."

A white cloak blows in an unseen wind. Something is standing in front of me -- no, floating -- in front of me. 'It' looks at me. I can't make it out. Even looking at it hurts my eyes.

"No, no, I don't. Who the hell are you?!"

"A remnant."

"That doesn't answer my question, you know?"

"I apologize. I am short on time."

"Short on time? Please, just explain yourself."

"Vera Amatani. Do you want to change the future?"

"Huh?"

"If you could change the future, if you could change this world, would you?"

"What?"

"If I gifted you the future, would you fight? Would you fight to have your wish fulfilled?"

"My wish? You mean..." This 'entity' didn't have to say it. I knew what they was talking about. To have my Mom and Dad returned to me. To have my family back. My shoulders slack. Is this another delusion of mine?

"I am no delusion." The cloak holds its 'hand' out to my phone.

More static.

Spoiler: 4/19/201X

4/19/201X, 8:15 PM
Today was a lot easier than yesterday, that's for sure. No one really bothered me at school. Well, except Yuno, she was giving me that glare again. Guess I wasn't crazy after all.

After school, I went shopping at a convenience store since I was still hungry. Got a hotdog. It was pretty good. : )

After I got home, I crashed, was out like a light. Zzz

Wait, this entry is from the future? Wait, crap, I did think about going to the store earlier today, but...

"Will you take hold of the future, Vera Amatani? The road ahead is paved with blood, but will you take hold?"

Paved with blood? That means that I'll…

I shake my head.

"Will you fight, Vera Amatani?"

The strange figure begins to fade. I have to give an answer fast… Alright, I'll--

[_] "I'll fight."
[_] "I won't fight."
[_] Custom

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

"I won't fight. If having my wish granted means that others have to die." I shake my head. I want my family back, of course, who wouldn't? If given the opportunity, I would change things. I'd do something to make sure that Mom didn't die, that Dad could live.

Why should I trust this 'thing' that just appeared in front of me? It didn't make sense to just agree to whatever it was offering.

The white figure looks down at me. "To refuse the power of providence so easily." It laughs and laughs. I feel a little insulted. "A strong will and a heavy heart. Even the promise of a wish does not tempt you."

"You can see through me. The answer should've been obvious."

"I suppose even I have my failings."

"... Who are you?"

"I had many names, but you can call me Deus."

At that, the figure fizzles out. I wait a moment then look around. I don't 'feel' them in the room anymore.

Wait, the app is still on my phone? I try deleting it, and once again, no luck. Was I just being played with?

I'm just going to ignore it for now. Who knows, when I go to bed and wake up, it might not even be there.
_____________________________

4/19, Tuesday -- 8:42 AM, Sakurami City, Nishijima's Apartment

I was wrong. In fact, the app is still there. It's just hovering there. I got up, got ready for the day, and I'm staring down at it. It's tempting me. I know for a fact that it's tempting me.

So I --

[_] Ignore it.
[_] Press it.
[_] Custom

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

Ignore it. I have no interest in this. I drag the app into its own folder and lock it. But, of course, it wouldn't be that easy. The folder deletes itself and the characters spelling 'Future Diary' appear once again. I won't bother using it, regardless. I don't know what even opening it up would entail.

Regardless, I'm running late for school. I have to get moving.
_____________________________

4/19, Tuesday -- 9:28 AM, Sakurami City, Sakurami Middle School

The prediction from last night came true. No one really hounded me when I stepped in during the first period. The teacher looked up from his book, narrowed his eyes, but that was about it. I didn't miss much either. I took my seat in front of Yukiteru.

He had his eyes on his phone again. It was hard to see since he was slightly hunched over with his head angled down. I still saw it, though. The teacher probably wouldn't be able to see it from the front of the class. Is he texting someone, or is he keeping a diary?

No, I remember. Some of the other students talked about it. He keeps a diary of things going on around him. He keeps to himself, and the only person he really talks to is Yuno -- and that still isn't much. What kind of relationship do they have? I'm just a little curious, not enough to pry, of course, but I still wonder.

Is that why Yuno was staring at me like that? Because I sit in front of Yukiteru? … No, not sure that'd be it. She's going to stare at me that way again since the 'Future Diary' said so. The prediction is helpful, but there was no timestamp on it. I'm kind of left just guessing that it'll happen sometime during school today.

Mr.Hiyama instructs us to turn our textbooks open to this page and that. I only really heard half of what he said. I flip my book open and pretend to follow along.

I can't bring myself to focus. Last night is still bothering me. Not just that, but a future, a wish? Was that 'Deus' saying that I could bring Mom back to life?

Birds fly by the open window, perching on the branch outside. Large, grey clouds circle overhead, casting darkened shadows. The prediction didn't say anything about rain, so it probably won't, but that's going off the idea the prediction is credible.

If it is, then that means that Deus wasn't a figment of my imagination. Though, if that was all the proof I needed, then the unknown 'Future Diary' app on my phone should serve as proof enough.

I don't really know. All I do know is that I'm not going to fight in whatever Deus was talking about.
_____________________________

Second period ends with a ring of the bell.

With the little free time I have, I'm going to…

[_] Speak to Yuno.
[_] Speak to Kosaka.
[_] Speak to Yukiteru.
[_] Keep to myself.
[_] Custom

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

I'm going to talk to Yuno. The weird looks she was giving me must have an explanation. Just asking her isn't going to work. I can't brute force it. I just have to remain calm. Yuno's just another person, after all. Remain calm.

"Hey, Yu-" I stop myself. "Gasai."

"Hm?" She turns to me, smiling.

"Uh, I…. uh…" I'm completely at a loss.

I don't know what to say or what to do. Those pink eyes of hers. She's staring at me. She's doing it again--

No. No, she isn't. I'm seeing things. I'm just seeing things again.

"Are you okay?" Yuno stands up. "You look like you have a fever."

I catch my breath. "No, I'm fine. I'm fine, really." I definitely wasn't fine. Why was this so difficult?

"Oh, then what did you want to say?"

Why did you look at me like that? Why do I feel this way when speaking to you? We're classmates, so this doesn't make sense.

My heart is racing.
My mind is blank.
Say something. Anything.

"I actually wanted … to talk to you in private? If that's… okay?"

Why did I say that? I did think 'anything', but not that.

"Hmm…" Yuno closes her eyes, thinking. "Sure, I can make some time during lunch."

Lunch was the period after next. I didn't have much time to get my thoughts in order. First things first, though, is getting over this fear of Yuno.

"Thanks, I'll see you then."

With that, I left. Discomfort and my faltering nerves wouldn't let me keep the conversation going for any longer. She can just see right through me.

As we transitioned into the third period, I headed back to my seat. Yuno didn't look at me like I thought she would. Instead, her attention was on the boy behind me.

Sighing, I pulled out my notebook, ready for the assignments ahead.
________________________________________

4/19, Tuesday -- 12:30 PM, Sakurami City, Sakurami Middle

Lunch arrived. I managed to calm my nerves enough to actually speak to Yuno again. It wasn't easy, but I think I can do it… I think. I approach Yuno, greeting her with a wave of the hand. "Hey, Gasai."

"Oh, Amatani. What did you want to talk about earlier?"

[_] "Why did you give me 'that' look?"
[_] "It's nothing, honestly. Forget I said anything."
[_] "What's going on between you and Yukki?"
[_] "You said if I needed help, I could come to you… so here I am."
[_] Custom

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

"You said if I needed help, I could come to you… so here I am." It was difficult to say those words out loud. I stuttered a bit, but it was a relief to get them out.

Yuno nods, "What did you need help with?"

"It's less help and more… I just want to talk to someone."

"So you just want me to listen?"

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

"You worry too much." Yuno smiles. "I don't mind."

I take the empty desk next to Yuno. "I just feel like, uh…" Maybe this wasn't a good idea? Yuno is staring at me, smiling, waiting for me to finish. "Uh…" I blink, turn away, and hide my face. "Maybe this was a bad idea?"

I don't have any close friends. I keep to myself, but I can still get along with most people. I have relationships, but they're more acquaintances than actual friends. I was closer to my Mom than I was to anyone else. The fact that she's gone, the fact that I'm truly alone… never really set in until she was gone. I don't have anything else. So even doing this much is hard. Incredibly difficult, even.

Words die in my throat before even having a chance to come out.

Even after sitting in silence, Yuno doesn't rush me. She sits still, patient, waiting for me to finish.

"I just feel like I'm alone. I'm getting along fine, yeah, but I'm not sure how long I can keep this up. It feels like I'm pretending."

Yuno's mouth opens slightly, her eyes narrow, but she gently nods her head.

"No one really gets it. No one understands. I get that some people are concerned, but…" I look around the empty classroom. It's just me, Yuno, and Yukiteru. "... I'm either ignored, or I'm bothered by people bugging me. It's confusing. I don't think my head is on straight."

"Someone once said to me that 'people handle pain differently'," Yuno says, stretching her hands into the air. "Everyone has their own way of dealing with 'hurt'. I'm not a professional, but I think all you need to do is give it time."

"Time?"

"Yeah. I think you're pushing yourself too hard. You can hardly even speak."

That's true. I haven't exactly been good at hiding it. "So, just wait? That's all?"

"Just take things one step at a time." Yuno slowly tilts her head to look toward Yukiteru. "And things will definitely work out."

I lean back in the chair. Yukiteru is writing in his phone again. He's hardly even touched his lunch. "Amano, huh? Are you guys dating or something?"

"A-ahh." Yuno blinks as her face turns red. "Um, n-no. I don't know what you're talking about." She averts her eyes, but she ends up looking at Yukiteru again. "I mean, I'd like to, but… nothing like that yet."

"Hah!" I laugh. "Well, whether you are or not, I hope it works out for you."

"It will." She says that with absolute certainty. "But, oh, sorry, weren't we talking about you?"

"Heh." I laugh, scratching the back of my head. "Well, yeah, I guess. There was something else I wanted to ask you though."

"Oh?"

"Why did you… give me that 'look' yesterday?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Before you said to come to you for help, you… stared at me. Well, not like 'at' me, more like 'through' me."

Yuno blinks a few times, struggling to recall the memory. "I don't really know what you're talking about."

"You don't?"

"No. If I did, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable," Yuno says, bowing her head.

"It's… alright." Okay, this is definitely strange. The only prediction I had said she did, but that's still going off the idea it's credible. Pressing her anymore probably isn't a good idea. It doesn't feel like she's lying, either. "It was probably my imagination."

"I don't blame you, considering what you've been going through."

"Yeah."

Yuno keeps casting glances to Yukiteru. Alright, yeah, I got the hint. "Alright, thanks for the help, Yuno. I'll leave you to it."

Yuno freezes for a moment, then after a second, she blushes again. "Ah, thank you."

I force a laugh as I get up from the desk. The happy girl walks past me. But, as I turn away, my body locks up. Tension holds me in place. It's like time stopped. It was the same feeling as back then. What was it? Was it Yuno? Was it something else? I...

[_] Turn around.
[_] Keep walking.

 

[Shinobu Oshino]

Don't turn around, Vera. If it's Yuno, locking eyes with her won't accomplish anything. Hold your head high. Keep walking and don't look back. Straighten your back and keep going.

I breathe deep as I exit the room. I keep the door open so the returning students don't have to pull it open. A few students give me weird looks as they pass by. It's like they've never seen a random act of kindness before.

Don't rush things. Give myself time to settle. The pain will never go away, but I can at least think about what to do next. Though, what is there to do next? What does my future have in store?

All I know is that the sun will rise, I'll come to school, and then what? I never really had any aspirations, any dreams.

Nothing at all.

I still don't have any. I live day to day, hoping things will get better. Now nothing ever will. 'Deus' offered me a chance to fight for a future, but the truth is -- I don't have one. It's already gone. All my 'Future Diary' told me was that tomorrow will come. I don't need any kind of special power for that. Tomorrow always comes, whether you want it to or not. I could die today, and the sun would still rise the next day.

Zzzshttt.

My phone again?

"The wheel of fate turns, Vera."

"No, not again." Are you serious? Why at school? When did the hallway turn lifeless and gray? Is time stopped again?

"Whether you take heed or not, time marches forward."

"I told you I wasn't interested. Why are you bugging me? Just leave me alone."

"To preserve what little remains of this tattered tapestry."

"Speak like a normal person. I don't understand what you're talking about."

My phone spazzes out. The app from before vanishes. Am I free?

"You, who have no desire for the seat, nor a desire for the future, have a choice."

"Yes, I already told you. I said NO!" I scream. "Don't go throwing this crap on me!"

Deus laughs. "Vera Amatani. Your role is one of great importance."

"What?" I clasp my phone close to my chest. "My role is of 'great importance'? Don't make me laugh. Hahahaha." I couldn't help it. I was definitely being insulted. "Stop patronizing me. No, you just want me to be a pawn in whatever it is you're planning. I don't want a part of it."

"You misunderstand me. I will grant you the future under the designation of 'Zero'."

"Zero?"

"There are Twelve Diary Holders, each with a numbered designation."

"Wait, so this is some kind of… death game?"

What? I dodged a bullet, or I thought I did. What is this crap? "Wait, Twelve. Then what does Zero mean?"

"I believe you'd call it a 'Wild Card' or 'Joker'?" Deus laughs.

"So you're making me a diary owner even though I…"

"You cannot fight for the throne. Should you be the last one standing, there is no reward, no wish. That time has long since passed, and the future has changed to reflect it."

The future has already changed? Does that mean I was supposed to accept it? I don't get it.

"But I'll still die. That doesn't mean anything! I'm just going to get killed in the crossfire. What kind of sick monster are you?"

Deus doesn't respond.

"You are empty, Vera Amatani."

"What…?"

"With the title of 'Zero', you have a choice. To aid others to attain their future, or to simply run away with your diary in hand."

"You're not giving me a choice, are you? You really want another diary holder running around? What if I destroyed it right here?"

"Even without a future, destroying the diary means your end."

"What the...?" My hands shake as I grasp my phone. "So most of the rules still apply to me. Is that what you're saying? You sadistic fuck."

He curses me with this, but says I'm not a target. I'm a Diary Holder, but I'm not. There are Twelve others that are going to throw themselves at me til I'm dead. Or not. I can run since I'm not a priority target, but the fact I exist means someone is going to come after me at some point.

"However…"

I look up.

"I am the only one with knowledge of your existence. Should you choose, you can keep your normal life. However… that is your decision."

"You don't know the meaning of that word, you cloaked freak. 'Choice', 'fate', whatever you call it, I don't care. If that's the case, are you the one responsible for my mother's death? My father? Are you the one who took them away from me?"

Deus says nothing.

"My life is just one big joke to you, isn't it?" I clench my palms. My body shakes. My head hurts.

Everything I kept inside is coming out. A torrent of red. It clouds my vision.

This thing is telling me I can't grasp the throne.
That's fine. I don't need it.
But, for something like this to exist… It's not right.

[_] "I won't participate whether you force this on me or not."
[_] "The world doesn't need something like you."
[_] "You still didn't answer my question, Deus."
[_] Custom