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Magoose Space Opera World Building (SV I'm creating a Space Opera because of LOGH for a quest)

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Rules.
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    • Rules:

    Everyone can create as many OC's as they want because I'm going to enjoy killing them all during the course of the story. They may die heroically, they may die suddenly, they may die stupidly.

    I don't care. I'm going to be a murder factory in battle.

    If you are not ready for me to kill them at any moment, you should not create a character, because of I and going to be worse then GRRM.
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    Now: Onto the Rules

    1. Be Prepared for your OC to die. In battle, I will kill them all and there is no stopping me.

    2. Ask for Help: You are free to ask anyone (Except for me of course) for help in creating your characters. However, if you do that, do not get angry at their criticisms, or their comments, you asked, they are giving time to help. No bitching about it.

    3. Editors: Be kind. There is no place for negativity in helping others. Even if someone's OC seems stupid, pointless and a waste of time, do not say it is, because someone put time and effort into making it, and the least you can do if they ask for your help is try to help them make it better.

    4. Canon characters are decided by me, and me alone. I have the right to say they are noncanon and only give you a bonus in the thread, instead of an OC showing up.

    5. If you think you are ready tag @Magoose so that I may see all your glorious final product.

    6. When you Tag, it must be a final product! If I see errors, spelling mistakes or inappropriate pictures that are just there for the memes, I will not accept the OC.

    7. I am not god... do not assume I've read everything the moment it shows up, give me some time.

    8. This is the first time I've tried this, so this is an experiment to us all. Be Gentle.
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    Criteria for an OC!

    1. Use 125 stat and skill points. If you request more points, I must sign off on it.

    2. must be from the Federation or Empire. The Core is off-limits.

    3. A Backstory that must be 1000 words long at a minimum. If it is a member of the Pride of the Empire Crew, you must put their position in the ranks and the backstory

    4. If it is a final Draft, Ask me about a reward, a roll bonus, a trait, a stat or skill point, any of that. I will grant it if I can, but if it is too much or you don't have one, I will just give a roll bonus.

    5. For the Federation: The reason you can create them is that they are fighting too, and they need bodies to fill their mecha suits. and Rival Kun will only get more powerful on his own, so spreading out with support or allies makes him... slightly weaker.
     
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    • Well, as long as it's covered, that's the important part.

    *shoves backstory about a tiny Imperial heir who was cured of a neurodegenerative disease by AI implantation back under the rug*
     
    What is the age limit for the crew members of the ship? Can it be lower than 21 and can we make it that the OC is a servant of Cornelia that followed her into the military for the background story.
     
    Random Paul said:
    What is the age limit for the crew members of the ship?
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    The oldest member of the crew is Gunner's chief (Think the guy who runs the weapons deck) at the age of 63.

    youngest is a Stowaway trying to have an adventure who's 16, who is the Junior Deck officer of deck 12.

    Random Paul said:
    can we make it that the OC is a servant of Cornelia that followed her into the military for the background story.
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    No. Cornelia is not allowed to have a servent with her until she is a Lieutenant. Right now, she's an Ensign.
     
    Name: Shiro Rokubungi
    Age:19
    Title/Rank:Trainee (Mech Pilot Squadron Leader in about a years time)

    Previous Posting: None (Recruited into the Military)

    Mech Callsign: Black Dragon

    Stats:

    Governance:1, (You want to send a guy on a military Track to run a nation...Go fuck yourself, he dosen't want to.)

    Leadership:3 ( Shiro is a military Student, one that shows initiative on the battleground, but putting it into words is going to be a struggle until he finds his feet as a leader.)

    Personal:1 (The Military recruited you for your ability to kill people in a robot not your social skills with people...why they decided to make you a leader is beyond anyone's idea)

    Warfare:7 (You are very good at the field of war for someone with little to expiriecne with it)

    Skills:

    Administration:6 (Unironically you like doing paperwork. Its relaxing.)

    Law:2 (You understand the BASICS of the FFederation law and War Conduct, anything else would be considered a distraction)

    Diplomacy:4 (You are an officer, the basic diplomacy and rules of engagement course is suitable.)

    Subterfuge:1 (You are a forward thinking soldier...nothing more)

    Command:10 ( You were put into the comand track by proper

    Decorum:3 ( Save the occasions you clean and dress up you are not very aristocratic with your manner of dress...hell you barely follow uniform protocol.)

    Oratory:6 (You HATE talking to people but you have to do it anyway.)

    Charisma:12 ( You have a way of Drawing people too you even if your abrasiveness is annoying)

    Combat:12 (You are one of the Top hand to hand and Pilots of the Class, interestingly enough, must be all the exercising.)

    Intelligence:22 (You are one of the Federations BEST and Brightest Military thinkers in the Academy… you are hoping to customize your Mech when you are deployed.)

    Stratagy:15 ( In terms of Planning an operation, your skills are VERY noticable for a Military Officer without combat experience.)

    Operations:15 (The same can be said for your ability in planning an operational deployment and implementing said strategy.)

    Tactics:10 ( You are still working on the Tactics Trifecta of the Military operations book, but you are capable of doing the Job just fine.)


    Bio: Born on Israel II to Mech Development experts, Shiro spent his early childhood planning how to upgrade his Mech when he was going to join the Military.

    Said interest was formed after he worked as a literal test dummy for his parents Mech Development, forcing him to train and prepare himself for his eventual role as a pilot for the military.

    He did not join the normal way...in fact he broke two laws to do it. Walking into the Fair Haven Military Combat Course and defeated 3 instructors and then was promptly arrested for trespassing and "Assaulting" a member of the Military during class.

    Following a clever loophole in the System, the Dean of the Academy recruited him on as a student to both make him pay off said debt to society and to let the instructors get revenge on him, it was the best decision the man ever made.

    Skilled in war and with the mind of a genius...Shiro despite his abrasiveness and certain flaws that may or may not be a result of learning disabilities he struggled with in his youth, is a model soldier and honest officer in the making, even if he certain traits that make his men not stand him at all.

    He is a Member of the Israel II Mech Squadron, one of the lesser postings far into the Core of the Federation, far from any trouble currently availing the Nation.

    Now looking into his relations...Some of his classmates consider him a military genius that will go far...others consider him a prima donna soldier who got in without the hoops because the Head considered him an investment worth keeping.

    The Truth is he dosn't give a damn about what they think...in fact he is one of those soldiers who want to do his job to the highest avalible ability.

    He has trouble communicating with people...so he built a wall to keep himslef safe from the stress of going into war.

    Quotes:

    "If someone tells me something is impossible...they haven't attempted it right."

    "Combat is apart of the Human condition, if you arn't good at it...you arn't Human."

    "I think that War is an eventuality...best we can do is prepare for it."

    "Come on!! You think all that prep is going to help!! Most of us won't survive the first hour of combat...let alone the first day."

    A little look, give feedback it isn't done yet.
     
    What is the legality of slavery in the Empire? Is it illegal? Is it legal anywhere in the galaxy?
     
    Nenshou Yuuki said:
    What's the standard armament for the regular soldier/marine?
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    Pistols, SMG's and other large bladed weaponry. Lasers cut through the hull like butter so guns are the only thing that can really be useful for repelling boarders.

    Swords and other weapons are just personal weapons.
    Nenshou Yuuki said:
    What is armour like?
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    Most armor is kevlar with futuristic plating. Power armor is more for drop pods then ship combat. Too heavy and unwieldy to use.
     
    Magoose said:
    Pistols, SMG's and other large bladed weaponry. Lasers cut through the hull like butter so guns are the only thing that can really be useful for repelling boarders.
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    So for boarding and repelling actions, we use kinetic based weapons and planetside we use lasers?
    Magoose said:
    Swords and other weapons are just personal weapons.
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    Good to know.
    Magoose said:
    Most armor is kevlar with futuristic plating. Power armor is more for drop pods then ship combat. Too heavy and unwieldy to use.
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    So we'd be wearing stuff like this then?
     
    Right, time to get back into chargen.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Name: Shiro Rokubungi
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    Real subtle on the references.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Title/Rank:Trainee (Mech Pilot Squadron Leader in about a years time)
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    I think you can just bump it up to 'squad leader' and make his age 20. None of this trainee nonsense.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Previous Posting: None (Recruited into the Military)
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    And your love of parenthetical explanations is indulged in excess.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Leadership:3 ( Shiro is a military Student, one that shows initiative on the battleground, but putting it into words is going to be a struggle until he finds his feet as a leader.)

    Personal:1 (The Military recruited you for your ability to kill people in a robot not your social skills with people...why they decided to make you a leader is beyond anyone's idea)
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    Fluff text needs to be short and unambiguous. If you can't make your wit laconic, don't make the post even more awkward to read.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Administration:6 (Unironically you like doing paperwork. Its relaxing.)
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    And yet he's still got a penalty to do it, which means he's bad at it.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Command:10 ( You were put into the comand track by proper
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    1. Incomplete.
    2. SPAG. Get someone to SPAG your writing. Fun fact: That's how I met Magoose and started editing his stuff. So don't feel down about it, just get someone who can do what software is clearly not available to you.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Said interest was formed after he worked as a literal test dummy for his parents Mech Development
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    Uh... is the trope really applicable here? One of the things that got shot down in making the quest was one of the Core backstories being you were born and raised on your father's ship, so I think you may want to establish why his parents were allowed to basically commit a crime against humanity and gross child endangerment.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    He did not join the normal way...in fact he broke two laws to do it. Walking into the Fair Haven Military Combat Course and defeated 3 instructors and then was promptly arrested for trespassing and "Assaulting" a member of the Military during class.
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    I think, given you've shown him as having a one in intrigue, you may want to eliminate any kind of 'clever' thinking. There's smart and then there's creative and then there's being tricky. Your boy is at best the former. If he got in, it's because the moron just drove his car through the gate.

    Or, better yet, he just took his parents mech while on a test run, yeeted into the school during a demo, and just said 'my name is not!Shirou Emiya, fight me`, then started whaling on the instructors.
    Cyberphilosipher said:
    Following a clever loophole in the System, the Dean of the Academy recruited him on as a student to both make him pay off said debt to society and to let the instructors get revenge on him, it was the best decision the man ever made.

    Skilled in war and with the mind of a genius...Shiro despite his abrasiveness and certain flaws that may or may not be a result of learning disabilities he struggled with in his youth, is a model soldier and honest officer in the making, even if he certain traits that make his men not stand him at all.

    He is a Member of the Israel II Mech Squadron, one of the lesser postings far into the Core of the Federation, far from any trouble currently availing the Nation.

    Now looking into his relations...Some of his classmates consider him a military genius that will go far...others consider him a prima donna soldier who got in without the hoops because the Head considered him an investment worth keeping.

    The Truth is he dosn't give a damn about what they think...in fact he is one of those soldiers who want to do his job to the highest avalible ability.

    He has trouble communicating with people...so he built a wall to keep himslef safe from the stress of going into war.
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    You should not have this many individual sentences treated like paragraphs. You haven't elaborated on said learning disabilities. You don't weave a narrative, you just spout random sentences that barely flow. Even your phrasing is downright uncanny valley. 'do his job to the highest available ability'? Who the hell talks like that? Why did you feel the need to try and invent something other than 'best of his ability' or 'better than anyone else'? Oh, and your ellipsis usage privileges have been perpetually revoked until you have demonstrated proper usage.

    Instead, try and develop more of this tinker-soldier. You speak much of his combat, but of his ability to customize and study the principles behind a mech you say nothing. What leadership traits has he actually demonstrated, as you can't just make dickishness magically attractive. And again, get that parent and childhood explained. You fill in the test subject and learning disabilities section right, you've got half your problems fixed.
     
    @Magoose, let's rock and roll. I got your first offer right here.

    May Carla Barker
    Age: 53
    Rank: Marine, Lieutenant
    Previous Posting: Dardanelles' Siege
    Current Posting: Pride Of The Empire.
    Governance: 0
    Leadership: 15
    Personal: 10
    Warfare: 20

    Skills:
    Administration: 0
    Law: 0
    Diplomacy: 0
    Subterfuge: 0
    Command: 13
    Decorum: 12
    Oratory: 10
    Charisma: 12
    Combat: 20
    Intelligence: 0
    Strategy: 0
    Operations: 0
    Tactics: 13

    May Barker is a 53-year-old Marine serving on the Pride Of The Empire after several decades of service. Her career has taken her from boarding crews, garrison detail, bodyguard, and even drill instructor. Most think she's been in the Navy her entire life, but there was a brief point in time where she tried to get out of the service with some of her few remaining friends. It didn't last long and they all reenlisted. Her lengthy service on naval ships and cramped station has paled the tan skin of her youth, and her short-cut hair has already turned completely white. The effect puts further contrast to her dark eyes.

    Growing up on the world of New Tezcatlipoca, her parents were blue-collar workers living in the slightly better slums of the cartel-controlled Mega-cities. At age nine, she watched her father die to a stray laser during a block war. As a result of the loss of income, her mother was forced to bring her daughter to the local factory to make ends meet. Schooling became very irregular and unstandardized. When not working a ten hour shift, she could be found running small jobs for local business owners or competing in the many back-alley fight groups. As she grew into a young woman dreamed of the one universal way out of poverty and social advancement the Empire provided: Military service.

    After May's neighborhood held a collection to send her to the Officer Academy, she chose to study sports medicine. While she accredited herself as a personal trainer, the academic rigors of modern military education were too much even with significant academic help. She was caught attempting to cheat on an exam, but the instructor destroyed the evidence and arranged for her to be transferred to an infantry course. During IOT, she developed a love of helping others become the best them they can be, a trickster streak a mile wide, and a nearly unbeaten streak at hand to hand combat. In the new officer class, she made two friends who'd follow her throughout career: The stocky and energetic woman Casey Simpson and the cultured foodie that was Brett Hubbard.

    After graduating as a 2LC, May was assigned to frigates and destroyers as part of the infamous Empire raiding group Task Force Emden. Frequently decried among the Security League as pirates and mercenaries, Task Force Emden was organized as the perpetual back-line threat for the Dardanelles' Siege. This front was a key strip of space where multiple trade routes intersected, leading to one of the few naval stalemates as resupply stations to cover multiple FTL entry points were spread among both sides' front lines. The Security League's method to breaching these lines was to try and overwhelm the response forces, hit at more places than could be reasonably defended. Task Force Emden struck at the raw materials that supplied the grinder, with May commanding hundreds of boarding parties against picket ships and mass conveyers. The League's legendarily rapid and efficient automated foundries slowed to a crawl as supplied components became inconsistent and anemic. The ancient machines, never designed to handle being idled or adapt for missing parts, began to regularly fail quality checks. Ships with compromised hull plate detonated within days of departing the factory. Overworked and under-qualified maintenance personnel would crawl through every inch of a ship to find no problem where the machine said there was. And all throughout, the League's naval assets were being reassigned to more rearward defensive positions.

    During a lull in the fighting, May briefly retired from the military after fifteen years in service. The realization she could count her surviving classmates on one hand could no longer be put off, and the daily threat of a painful depressurized death in the void was pushing her stress beyond her limits. She retired to the world of Sevastapol-9 and tried to start a career as a personal trainer. She was joined by Casey and Brett, as they figured the best way to survive civilian life was to keep the tight unit feeling as intact as possible. It went fine at first. No money troubles, no PTSD they couldn't handle together. But it wasn't the same. Helping people get fit felt wonderful to May, but she couldn't shake the feeling she'd missed out on something. Eventually, they all realized the same thing. That they missed the life-or-death thrill of being Marines. So they all packed up, bid their short-lived civilian friendships farewell, and took up an automated reenlistment offer just in time for the final operation to break the back of the League's forces in the Dardanelles.

    As the Dardanelles front Core garrisons faced a general offensive by the Imperial Navy they were woefully unprepared for, an elite team was sent behind the lines one last time. Their mission: to take the foundries and shipyards that fed the insatiable maw of the Core navy before they were scuttled. A mission led by May and her two long-time friends. Taking the shipyard garrison and workers completely by surprise, the massive automated yard was taken with only minor damage done to the nearly irreplaceable technology within and moderate casualties to the Marines. With the station completely under their control, all the scuttling commands and alarm codes were never sent. The frantically retreating Core forces never stopped to check that the station was set to blow, content to leave the workers to their fate and save their own skin. The station was turned around with minimal downtime, and the new supply lines resulted in a steady stream of ships for the Empire and its new frontier. For her actions, May was awarded the Medal of Sanctuary, 2nd Class, and given a transfer to the SMS Pride of the Empire to lead its elite Marine detachment. Some say she will soon be given a title.

    In leisure activities, exercise will always remain May's true passion. But she does have other hobbies. She's known to bring pod-dramas to listen when off-duty on tour and occasionally enjoys the simple but intellectual challenge of the classic Rubix cube. On shore-leave she occasionally breaks from her spendthrift habits of cruising the officer's club and attends local theatre. She's never been seen with anybody at officer events that anyone can seriously peg down as being a solid relationship. May's claimed she's asexual in the past and that has held true all her days. Her outings with her two veteran friends Casey and Brett are either to try out parkour routes or find local hidden-gem eateries.
     
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