This list needs updating. Emma isn't on it. Though you might want a note that it only applies in certain circumstances rather than all the time like with some of the others.
Like Mother like Skitter (Worm AU-Complete)
- Thread starter LD1449
- Start date
-
- Tags
- worm daniel hebert humor
- Location
- Somewhere
- Pronouns
- He/Him
No, You can't take her.
VorpalMedia
Inter-Dimensional Techie
- Location
- Wonderland Data Nexus 472b
In this Taylor is being creepy on her own without realizing. In Starry Eyes her power involves summoning eldritch horrors from the deep abyss which have been shown to automatically be viewed as wrong/sick.
esseresse
R'lyth Power Make-up
- Location
- divorceville, state of depression
- Pronouns
- They/Her
RexHeller
Title Incoming. Please Hold.
- Location
- Somewhere else.
Finagle007
[Verified Great Old One]
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Too bad it hasn't updated since Christmas 2014...
- Location
- Russia
No, this is what S9 and Larry doing now. Mark just have therapy session from the best psychologist in planet.
- Location
- Amestris
RexHeller
Title Incoming. Please Hold.
- Location
- Somewhere else.
Best Psychologist = Jack Slash
Therapy = Taiwanese Hookers.
Finagle007
[Verified Great Old One]
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
The Fourth Monado
S U B A R A S H I I
- Location
- Away
The crack... it burns...
I need help...
I need help...
wertsir
Knower of the Unknown
- Location
- Lost in A Deep Fog
Please ask your doctor if 'likemotherlikeskitterifen' is right for you.*
Side effects may include: Burning, shortness of breath, chest pains, headaches and death. if you experience these or other symptoms please consult with Dr. Riley.
*Sigma-Novem Industries is not responsible for any injuries resulting from the use or treatment of this product, or any other.
Last edited:
Chapter 12
LD1449
To the last; Kill them all
- Location
- The other side of the labyrinth.
Well, this is the first half of a two part event. I'm not entirely satisfied with how it turned out. Don't think it was as funny as other parts but I felt thatI shouldn't leave you all waiting further when the second half was always going to be funnier and this was more a set-up piece.
Anyway, regardless, I hope you all enjoy. Sorry for the long wait
(X)(X)(X)
Chapter 12:
The Protectorate heroine, Battery, woke up this morning thinking things might actually go well.
What a stupid fucking thought that had been.
You think she would have learned her lesson after living in Brockton Bay for so long.
The natural consequences of optimism in this place is life deciding to ram its steel-toed boot hard into your general pelvic area, sometimes repeatedly, and then laughing as you tried to figure out where the day had gone so wrong.
Apparently, a great many people had woken up optimistic in the past few days or so and life decided that it, and it's steel-toed feet had neglected its old punching bag, Brockton Bay for long enough.
So now, here she was, running search and rescue through the city as bombs went off everywhere. Anything from shards of ice, to black holes, to napalm and even sticky bombs were going off.
What concerned her the most however, was that she couldn't get ahold of Ethan. Her husband had gotten a late shift last night but this morning she hadn't seen him. She figured he'd slept on base, being too tired to catch the bus to get back home or something if he missed it, so she hadn't been too concerned. But on arriving at the base and finding out he wasn't there, calling his cell-phone and not getting an answer, and checking in with her neighbors to see if he'd gotten back while she was on her way here and getting no results, and now with bombs going off everywhere- she was understandably worried.
And the problem was she couldn't even think on it or let that distract her. She had to stay focused and work on rescuing people. She had to be 'Battery' right now, not 'Puppy'.
She felt the truck come to a stop, her weight shifting from one side to the other before she and three other agents stepped out of the rear compartment.
Right into the front courtyard of Pembroke Pines old-folks home.
She blanched.
Bakuda had bombed an old folks home!?
She looked around, finding no smoke or fire alarms. It must have been one of her more exotic bombs.
"Alright," she said before looking at the two agents behind her. "Work as if you think there's another bomb somewhere in here, check your corners and use your scanners."
The two men nodded, with the taller of the two answering. "Understood ma'am. Should we remove the Parahuman from the facility quickly or proceed with more caution."
She was brought up short.
"Come again?"
The man blinked. "The...uhhh. Parahuman ma'am" We were called in for a fresh trigger."
She stared, slackjawed. "A… A Trigger… The city is blowing up and I was called in for a trigger?"
The man shrugged. "I thought it was weird too. Figured you knew something we didn't about the power that would need a Brute rated cape ma'am."
"No!" She shouted, the sound of her voice compounded by another explosion off in the distance. She pointed at the pillars of smoke "That's where I'm supposed to be!"
"Shit…" The man said. "Did you get in the wrong truck?"
"Think she got in the wrong truck" the other agent said.
"The wrong truck…" She repeated. "The wrong truck."
"Seems like it ma'am."
She let that sink in a moment.
Finally, the agent spoke.
"Well...we're already here, wanna go find out who triggered here and with what?
She shook her head. "Fine. But unless they're gonna burn down the whole damn building we leave and come back to deal with it after we've dealt with Bakuda. I'll handle the paperwork."
"Got it ma'am."
They marched into the building.
(X)(X)(X)
"You can't leave him here!" The nurse cried. "He's gonna burn down the whole building."
"It's ok." The old man, who was currently on fire from head to toe cried out from inside the flames, sitting amidst the burning ruins of his room.
The bed, the furniture, and the carpet were all on fire. Even the ceiling fan spun lazily, half melted with a tongue of flame dutifully clinging to the remains of a wooden blade as it spun about.
The only reason it hadn't spread further was because there were three nurses all of whom had a readily available supply of fire extinguishers surrounding him.
That, and the old man had been remarkably cooperative
There was another explosion off in the distance.
Battery winced at how loud it was. "Look. As you can see there's a very very big emergency. "Just...put him out in a concrete yard or something for now and we'll be back once we deal with what's happening."
"He'll scare the other patients!"
"Benny?"
Battery and the nurse had their attention drawn to the big, pane glass window on the far wall, where they saw a old black man on a motorized wheelchair. He was peering into the window with a look of confusion on his face before he smiled, raising two thumbs. "Lookin good you old bastard. You're on fire! Haha!"
Battery turned to the nurse with a deadpan stare. "Yes. Clearly."
The nurse slapped her forehead. "Look… He's on fire! That can't be healthy!"
"I feel fine!" Benny happily announced, waving before another nurse let out a quick burst from the extinguisher beside him.
"Benny." The nurse bemoaned. "You feel fine. I'm getting early grays here!" She turned to Battery, pleading with the heroine. "Look. I just got this job like a month ago. I can't afford to lose it!
"Look lady, there's an emergency! Considering the city is blowing up I'm sure your boss will understand if we can't spend the time right now- we'll come back and pick him up as soon as it's resolved!"
"But- Can't you put him in your truck and just drive?"
"I don't want to go in the truck. I want to go to the bathroom."
The nurse paled.
Battery pointed to the door, looking to solve one problem at least. "Bathroom's right there."
"He can't go alone." The nurse groaned, hand to her forehead. "A nurse usually assists him."
Battery threw up her hands. "Of course. Why in the world would one thing go right today?"
"Well it could be that this is a good thing," one of the PRT agents said behind her. "Could be he'd blow up the bathroom if he tried right now.
…
"Hah! I get it!"
Battery smacked her forehead.
Suddenly, her phone rang.
It was unprofessional, downright stupid considering Masters and Strangers and thinkers are a very real thing, but she answered it. Stepping away.
"Where have you been?" She hissed, just barely refraining from saying that she'd been worried sick. "The whole city is going to hell, are you ok so far?"
Her next question was 'Where are you' and it was riiiight on the tip of her tongue when she heard the voice on the other end answer her.
Correction slurred at her…
"Babe- Babe Babe...Babe"
…
The feeling that gripped her...was beyond description. It's something so far removed from anger, so transcendent that it doesn't even have a word in any language.
Hell, the first coherent thought she can remember having was how they would never have children together as a result of his imminent castration.
And that was the nicest thing she could remember thinking.
"Are you drunk right now?"
Her voice is calm. So eerily darkly calm that she herself doesn't recognize it.
"So help me God do not tell me that you're drunk," she implored. "I cannot be held responsible for what I do. No court will convict me. Tell me you are not drunk right now and don't you lie to me."
"I- I am I'm not shober. That forks 'ight?
"No…" She answered. "No it doesn't."
"Oh...well...Shhh don tell m puppy wife."
"I am your wife."
"Oh. Well I won't tell yu. Tha-That's ok righ?"
She was going to kill him. Kill him and not see a single day in prison. She knew how to get away with it.
"Babe...You don undershand. I love you sooooo much more righ nw, Puppy. I've been with thes guyz. Been wit the guys all night, talkin, bout stuff, and women, and wives and. Oh. I think one isn't married. But after listening about the women in their lives- I lub yu shooo much! Other women are violent… and crazy! Crazy-violent!
It'd be easy. The only one that could tell she was lying was Armsmaster, but she was sure she could sabotage that gear somewhere, or get Marquis to sell her some blackmail to shut him up.
"-you are sooooo much better! You're nicer, less crazy kinder and a lot prettier."
Maybe bury him in the back-yard. No no too close. Susan's back yard, she never liked her anyway, always making eyes at her husband.
Babe...I gotta guy. These guys need someone responsible to make sure they do stupid things. I'll talk to you latter. I luv you Puppy!
She heard the click of the phone being hung up as she contemplated the most painful possible murder weapon.
"Can I go to the bathroom now?"
…
...
Perhaps a Wood drill bit. Attached to a drill.
(X)(X)(X)
Bakuda was a bitch.
She could admit that. She could afford to be a bitch because she had more brains in her little finger than half this city put together.
But there was a world of difference between admitting to being a bitch and being accused of being a mass murderer...prematurely.
After all, her bombing spree hadn't been scheduled til next week. She hadn't even gotten her first bomb brain surgery vict-Patient!
That's right. They were patients. That's the word the books said to use in college.
So yes. Here she was, tossing bombs from a grenade launcher left and right as one of her compatriots drove a big truck through the city in an attempt to shake off the pursuit of Armsmaster, Velocity, and Miss Militia, all for something she wasn't even responsible for!
Just because she was a Tinker bomb maker, and just because she'd planted around half of these bombs around the city in preparation to actually set them off didn't make her guilty.
The nerve of these people!
She supposed it was too much to hope for that rubes would do some actual fact checking before jumping the gun. Such was the curse of short sighted stupidity.
Honestly, all they had to do was hold still long enough to get caught in a blast. Maybe the arm, or the leg, and she could calmly explain her innocence as they were writhing on the ground about to go into shock from sudden dismemberment.
Then she could go and hunt down whatever bastard had decided to set off her bombs early. If she was feeling magnanimous she might even let them help.
Sadly, they weren't cooperating.
So them helping was probably out of the question.
"Bakuda," Halbeard shouts over a loudspeaker he probably crammed up his ass to replace his voice-box. "Pull over the vehicle and surrender yourself to PRT custody, or we will be forced to take drastic action."
She thinks about shooting off another volley of grenades as an answer when a thought occurs to her.
She reaches over towards her own loudspeaker, neatly placed on the ground besides her duffle bag full of exploding toys.
Poking out of the sunroof she shouts back at him. "Has that ever actually worked?"
She laughs, ready to slink back into the car and trade out the loudspeaker for her grenade launcher again, when the man actually answered her.
"On three separate occasions."
She halts, mid movement, looks and blinks. "Seriously?"
"Yes. The recorded dates and times are-"
"No you idiot! I'm not asking you to fact check! I was commenting on the fact that you freaking answered!"
"You asked a question." Was his droll response.
"A rhetorical question!"
"That was never specified."
"IT'S OBVIOUS!" The loudspeaker actually lets out a squeal at the volume of her voice, she winces and decides that this moron doesn't deserve to even breathe the same oxygen as her!
She tosses the loudspeaker down, reaches to her feet for the grenade launcher, pulls it and begins firing off her special incendiaries!
She'd been saving them for that creepy Ward chick with the bugs. It was basically liquid fire that splattered over everything and kept spreading like containment foam. She'd like to see those swarms get through that!
Still, the bug girl wasn't here and she could always make more after she got away from these losers.
"Uhh...Boss."
She ignores the driver in favor of shooting off her grenades and watching the whole street go up in flames!
She's laughing, and almost feels like pulling herself out of the sunroof to stand on the actual roof itself but decides against it. She didn't need to show off that much.
Maybe she'll do it when she finishes making all those armor-piercing, explosive, poisonous mini-gun rounds. And buys an actual mini-gun.
"Uhhh… BOSS!"
She points at Miss Militia, who is apparently a much better driver than Armsmaster seeing as how she was closer than she'd been before, even though Armsmaster was overcompensating with that monster bike.
She's about to pull the trigger when she feels the idiot in the car tapping her leg.
"What!" She snarls rounding to look, only to see him pointing ahead. "Seriously! What the fuck is so hard about driving the goddamn-"
When she looked up, she saw the bugs.
A whole swarm of them rushing up the street, like a biblical plague.
Oh hell.
She moved to duck, struggling with the grenade launcher in her rush, she gets a faceful of bugs splattering against her gas mask for her efforts before she finally ducks in. "Close the sunroof!" She demands, even so a veritable rainforest worth of insects is swarming in the car. Nothing that seems poisonous, just highly distracting.
"Oh shit! Ohhh shit!" The driver is nearly hyperventilating.
"Calm down!" She says as the bugs begin splattering against the front of the car. "I prepared for this bitch. Now that you've closed the sunroof even jesus couldn't get her bugs in here."
"Really?" He asked. "What did you do?"
"Reinforced windshield, sealed off exterior entry-points, rehauled the air conditioning and exhaust system, reinforced the panels that protect wires and electronics to seal em off. Yup, this is the safest place to be in a Skitter storm. Took me three fucking days but I did it!"
"Oh. That's a goddamn relief!" He cried, wiping at the air with his arm, probably catching one or two more bugs.
"Keep going," She said. "She has limited range and bugs can't move at sixty miles per hour so haul a-"
The rather sudden brick wall that decided to introduce itself to their front bumper disagreed with her assessment.
The fact that she didn't have a seat-belt didn't help.
With a fantastic crash that felt as though she'd never get out of her ringing ears she lurched forward in her seat, grenade launcher between herself and the airbag as it exploded, crashing the thing into her ribs and probably dislocating her wrists.
She was launched back into her seat...in a great...great deal of pain.
Her head swam...confused and finding it hard to think.
The front windshield had shattered.
…
…
Three fucking days...Didn't even last three minutes…
Fucking bullshit…
…
Ok…
Just gotta think.
What could she do…
Incendiary, time stop, freeze, singularity, flesh eating poison, turning someone into goo, Pain grenade regular old boom, sonic grenade to destroy any ear function.
Huh…
Of course… now she seemed to get it in her head the schematics for a healing grenade…
Stupid power…
Oh...no...Wait. She'd thought of it before but discarded it because the 'Turn people into Goo' grenade was just much more fun…
Note to self...re-examine priorities…
"Boss!? Boss! Are you ok?"
Her answer was a garbled 'Phrnlgth"
What she actually wanted to say was-
"I'm gonna fuckin kill you'
"Don't worry Boss, I'll think of something."
She laughed.
It hurt her ribs.
She was gonna kill him painfully…
"Ok. Ok. Just gotta think. Just gotta think and-"
There was a knock on the driver side window.
The driver paused, turned away from her and peered outside, where, through the slit between his shoulder and the seat, she could juuuust spy the chitinous, yellow eyed wraith that was Skitter.
The 'Mannequin' disguised as a Ward, waved at them.
Then she gestured for them to open the window.
He did so, the glass pane slowly rolling down.
"Yes?" He asked.
She held up two pairs of handcuffs. "Hi. My name's Skitter. What's yours?"
"Uhhh… Jim."
Huh. So that was his name. She had a driver named Jim. It would be etched on his tombstone. Along with the words "Shitty Driver" right underneath it.
"Hi Jim, hi Bakuda, could you put these on please?"
"You're not like...going to sting us to death or something?" He asked.
"Nah. Miss Militia asked me to try talking before the stinging next ti-well… This time now that I think about it. Apparently, Armsmaster's analyzers said the last guy was trying to say he was surrendering. But I swear I didn't understand him at all! I would've accepted the surrender!"
"Maybe his lips were swollen," Jim offered.
"Huh," She hummed. "Seems obvious now that you said it. Maybe I should keep them away from the mouth. Eyes are still useful though."
Jim did a remarkable job of seeming non pulsed.
Then- "Wait...Wasn't Lung the last guy you caught?"
"Yes! Now you see why we couldn't understand him," she chirped. "Even without the stings it wasn't my fault! His voice just gets so weird after he ramps up. He was supposedly saying Surrender and all I could understand was 'Burn everything to the ground! I say it was totally legit to hit him with that many poisonous bugs."
"Didn't you like...melt his...You know?"
"Totally legit Jim."
Jim paled a bit.
"Maybe Armsmaster's voice analyzer was just malfunctioning!" Jim once more helpfully provided, probably trying to get back on her good side.
"That is a very good point! Maybe I should go and tell him that! Get him to check before he goes asking me to do other things that make catching people harder than it has to be."
If she was incarcerated, she made a mental note to spread word about how 'helpful' Jim was being. She was sure that as soon as the bites and swelling went down, plenty of inmates would have a word with him.
She didn't need to kill him, there were plenty of people to do that for her.
"Do you think if I point it out to him they'll ease up on the whole 'Announce your presence before engaging' Thing? Honestly Ambushes get the job done so much faster!"
Bakuda spied a giant wasp, or something about the size of a closed fist land on the window frame.
"Ummm… I hope not?" Jim answered.
Skitter shrugged.
A pause.
She held out the handcuffs.
Jim eyed the handcuffs.
She tried to talk but only ended up coughing.
"I think she wants to make sure we don't get stung if we surrender."
She really really wanted to scream.
Or just shoot Jim.
Note to self. Right after priorities, buy handgun.
Her one functioning arm searched around for a grenade.
"Nope! No stings. Cross my heart."
"Ahh...Well I'll take one please," Jim said. She handed it to him.
He clicked it on one wrist and moved to click it on the other when he paused, looking at Skitter. For half a second she thought the man had grown a spine.
"Just on the wrist or around the steering wheel?"
"Uhhh I'm...not really sure. I've never done this before…" She said. "So...around the steering wheel I guess."
Jim complied.
Skitter tilted her head to look around the guy and waved. "Hi Bakuda."
Her non-functioning arm was used to give her the finger, or at least she hoped so.
She sucked down a breath, finally getting her voice back. "Yeah, no." The tinker glared, hefting the one grenade she'd managed to fish out of the side of the seat. Wasn't even sure what the hell it was really. "Ya see this? It's a big old fuck you that I haven't used yet! You should have waited til I spent all these on your friends before trying to corner me! Now what's to stop me from using them on you?"
"That you'll be caught in the blast too?"
"They're my bombs! I'll live."
"I...don't think that's how it wor-"
"I'll live!" She insisted! Her babies wouldn't turn on her. It's why she walked around with a whole duffle bag full of em!
"Okay…" Skitter turned and looked. "What about Jim?"
"Who cares about Jim!" She coughed
"I care about Jim! He's a nice guy!"
"Me too! And, yes I am!"
"No one asked for your opinion!" She snapped at him.
"Skitter!?"
That was Miss Militia's voice, or so she assumed.
The bug cape turned away. "Yes?"
"What's the situation?"
And that was Halbeard.
"Bakuda's gonna blow up Jim!"
A pause.
"Who the hell is Jim?!" And Velocity made three.
"The driver," she shouted back.
"Why is Bakuda threatening to blow up her own driver!?"
Again...Bakuda wanted to scream.
If only her ribs weren't broken.
"I think she's gonna blow up myself and Skitter." Jim finally did something useful!
"And why haven't you tried to leave the car? Skitter's insects won't hurt you." Miss Militia put forward.
"I'm handcuffed to the steering wheel."
"How'd that happen?"
"Skitter asked me to handcuff myself to the steering wheel."
"Skitter! Why did you instruct the hostage to physically restrict himself in such a way that he can't remove himself from the danger area?" Armsmaster questioned.
"Uhhh...Procedure?"
…
"What?"
"Procedure!"
…
...
"Seems legit."
"Huh!?"
Bakuda was just about ready to press the button and let sweet oblivion take all three of them just to escape from these morons! Certainly heaven had to be filled with some people that were slightly above the IQ of your average three year old!
…
Fuckit.
She pressed the button.
Nothing…
She pressed it again.
Still nothing
She opened her eyes, turning her head and looking at the bomb in her outstretched hand.
The bomb currently covered entirely in spun spider silk.
Oh you fucking bitch…
She tried to let go of the bomb, only to find it glued to her hand. She tried to pull her arm down to try and use the door or something to scrape it off, only to see a thin line of silk connecting her outstretched arm to the ceiling.
She let her head fall back to the head-rest and groaned as the conversation continued around her.
…
You know…
She wasn't even sure who she wanted to kill more anymore.
Jim, Skitter, or the fucker that had set off her bombs early…
(X)(X)(X)
Meanwhile, halfway across town, the Villain(ess) known as Marquis smirked behind her mask as she took full advantage of the ensuing chaos to get several tons worth of merchandise through customs without all the hubbub and oversight of the 'legitimate' employees.
After all, who the hell would come into work when the city was blowing up around them?
"Marquis!"
Annette Hebert actually stumbled. Completely caught off guard as she turned to look.
"Brandish!?" She balked, completely slipping out of her usual vernacular for the 'eloquent' persona she wore as a cape.
"You thought we would let you get away with this?" The heroine asked.
Annette looked around.
"Alright. First off, there is no We here, apparently your sibling and respective husbands have more sense and honestly woman, the city is practically in flames! Why exactly are you bothering me?"
"I'm not gonna let you get away with whatever you're doing here! Using the bombs to distract everyone was clever but I'm not falling for it!"
Annette tilted her head.
This time, she did slip out of her usual vocabulary.
"Ok. Seriously, all joking aside, you really really need some professional medical assistance. This isn't healthy anymore Brandish"
"Enough with your jokes!"
"Didn't I establish "all joking aside" in my last statement? I am truly, imploring you as your nemesis, for everyone's sake, get medical attention. Serious medical attention. Hell. I'll pay for it if money's the issue."
"I said enou-" Brandish was brought up short as 'Marquis' turned away. "Who the hell are you calling?"
Annette ignored her, phone pressed to her ear.
"Yes, Lady Photon?"
The New Wave cape almost fell flat out of the sky. "Wh-How the hell do you have my sister's number!?"
Annette flatly ignored her. "Yes I'm calling about your sister darling… She's right here. Listen. Is everything ok at home? I'm starting to get some very serious concerns here. Oh?... Yes darling, it's Marquis….Well because I have everyone's number dear….I understand, consider it deleted…. Of course you shouldn't believe me... Anyway, the safety of your cellular phone number is inconsequential. Now. Back to the matter at han-"
Brandish blinked.
Fucking with her.
That's what this had to be.
Carol Dallon felt the most curious of juxtapositions as her brain tried to both, drive her into a murderous rage at the sight of Marquis casually talking with her sister about her non existent mental health issues, and simply shut down at the absurdity of this whole thing…
…
"Yes darling I believe a serious intervention is, at this juncture, completely necessary. I'd honestly be somewhat flattered if I wasn't so concerned for her health."
…
Marquis nodded. "Yes of course." Then, he turned towards her. "It's alright dear, your sister will be here shortly."
…
…
Apparently, Marquis saw the look in her eyes. "Yes well you might want to speed it up." He said. "I do believe she's reaching that event horizon point of no return."
A pause.
"How is Mark? I can't help but feel that something must be addressed at home. It always starts at the home they say. So something there is the root cause of this."
With a roar Brandish rushed forward!
(X)(X)(X)
Anyway, regardless, I hope you all enjoy. Sorry for the long wait
(X)(X)(X)
Chapter 12:
The Protectorate heroine, Battery, woke up this morning thinking things might actually go well.
What a stupid fucking thought that had been.
You think she would have learned her lesson after living in Brockton Bay for so long.
The natural consequences of optimism in this place is life deciding to ram its steel-toed boot hard into your general pelvic area, sometimes repeatedly, and then laughing as you tried to figure out where the day had gone so wrong.
Apparently, a great many people had woken up optimistic in the past few days or so and life decided that it, and it's steel-toed feet had neglected its old punching bag, Brockton Bay for long enough.
So now, here she was, running search and rescue through the city as bombs went off everywhere. Anything from shards of ice, to black holes, to napalm and even sticky bombs were going off.
What concerned her the most however, was that she couldn't get ahold of Ethan. Her husband had gotten a late shift last night but this morning she hadn't seen him. She figured he'd slept on base, being too tired to catch the bus to get back home or something if he missed it, so she hadn't been too concerned. But on arriving at the base and finding out he wasn't there, calling his cell-phone and not getting an answer, and checking in with her neighbors to see if he'd gotten back while she was on her way here and getting no results, and now with bombs going off everywhere- she was understandably worried.
And the problem was she couldn't even think on it or let that distract her. She had to stay focused and work on rescuing people. She had to be 'Battery' right now, not 'Puppy'.
She felt the truck come to a stop, her weight shifting from one side to the other before she and three other agents stepped out of the rear compartment.
Right into the front courtyard of Pembroke Pines old-folks home.
She blanched.
Bakuda had bombed an old folks home!?
She looked around, finding no smoke or fire alarms. It must have been one of her more exotic bombs.
"Alright," she said before looking at the two agents behind her. "Work as if you think there's another bomb somewhere in here, check your corners and use your scanners."
The two men nodded, with the taller of the two answering. "Understood ma'am. Should we remove the Parahuman from the facility quickly or proceed with more caution."
She was brought up short.
"Come again?"
The man blinked. "The...uhhh. Parahuman ma'am" We were called in for a fresh trigger."
She stared, slackjawed. "A… A Trigger… The city is blowing up and I was called in for a trigger?"
The man shrugged. "I thought it was weird too. Figured you knew something we didn't about the power that would need a Brute rated cape ma'am."
"No!" She shouted, the sound of her voice compounded by another explosion off in the distance. She pointed at the pillars of smoke "That's where I'm supposed to be!"
"Shit…" The man said. "Did you get in the wrong truck?"
"Think she got in the wrong truck" the other agent said.
"The wrong truck…" She repeated. "The wrong truck."
"Seems like it ma'am."
She let that sink in a moment.
Finally, the agent spoke.
"Well...we're already here, wanna go find out who triggered here and with what?
She shook her head. "Fine. But unless they're gonna burn down the whole damn building we leave and come back to deal with it after we've dealt with Bakuda. I'll handle the paperwork."
"Got it ma'am."
They marched into the building.
(X)(X)(X)
"You can't leave him here!" The nurse cried. "He's gonna burn down the whole building."
"It's ok." The old man, who was currently on fire from head to toe cried out from inside the flames, sitting amidst the burning ruins of his room.
The bed, the furniture, and the carpet were all on fire. Even the ceiling fan spun lazily, half melted with a tongue of flame dutifully clinging to the remains of a wooden blade as it spun about.
The only reason it hadn't spread further was because there were three nurses all of whom had a readily available supply of fire extinguishers surrounding him.
That, and the old man had been remarkably cooperative
There was another explosion off in the distance.
Battery winced at how loud it was. "Look. As you can see there's a very very big emergency. "Just...put him out in a concrete yard or something for now and we'll be back once we deal with what's happening."
"He'll scare the other patients!"
"Benny?"
Battery and the nurse had their attention drawn to the big, pane glass window on the far wall, where they saw a old black man on a motorized wheelchair. He was peering into the window with a look of confusion on his face before he smiled, raising two thumbs. "Lookin good you old bastard. You're on fire! Haha!"
Battery turned to the nurse with a deadpan stare. "Yes. Clearly."
The nurse slapped her forehead. "Look… He's on fire! That can't be healthy!"
"I feel fine!" Benny happily announced, waving before another nurse let out a quick burst from the extinguisher beside him.
"Benny." The nurse bemoaned. "You feel fine. I'm getting early grays here!" She turned to Battery, pleading with the heroine. "Look. I just got this job like a month ago. I can't afford to lose it!
"Look lady, there's an emergency! Considering the city is blowing up I'm sure your boss will understand if we can't spend the time right now- we'll come back and pick him up as soon as it's resolved!"
"But- Can't you put him in your truck and just drive?"
"I don't want to go in the truck. I want to go to the bathroom."
The nurse paled.
Battery pointed to the door, looking to solve one problem at least. "Bathroom's right there."
"He can't go alone." The nurse groaned, hand to her forehead. "A nurse usually assists him."
Battery threw up her hands. "Of course. Why in the world would one thing go right today?"
"Well it could be that this is a good thing," one of the PRT agents said behind her. "Could be he'd blow up the bathroom if he tried right now.
…
"Hah! I get it!"
Battery smacked her forehead.
Suddenly, her phone rang.
It was unprofessional, downright stupid considering Masters and Strangers and thinkers are a very real thing, but she answered it. Stepping away.
"Where have you been?" She hissed, just barely refraining from saying that she'd been worried sick. "The whole city is going to hell, are you ok so far?"
Her next question was 'Where are you' and it was riiiight on the tip of her tongue when she heard the voice on the other end answer her.
Correction slurred at her…
"Babe- Babe Babe...Babe"
…
The feeling that gripped her...was beyond description. It's something so far removed from anger, so transcendent that it doesn't even have a word in any language.
Hell, the first coherent thought she can remember having was how they would never have children together as a result of his imminent castration.
And that was the nicest thing she could remember thinking.
"Are you drunk right now?"
Her voice is calm. So eerily darkly calm that she herself doesn't recognize it.
"So help me God do not tell me that you're drunk," she implored. "I cannot be held responsible for what I do. No court will convict me. Tell me you are not drunk right now and don't you lie to me."
"I- I am I'm not shober. That forks 'ight?
"No…" She answered. "No it doesn't."
"Oh...well...Shhh don tell m puppy wife."
"I am your wife."
"Oh. Well I won't tell yu. Tha-That's ok righ?"
She was going to kill him. Kill him and not see a single day in prison. She knew how to get away with it.
"Babe...You don undershand. I love you sooooo much more righ nw, Puppy. I've been with thes guyz. Been wit the guys all night, talkin, bout stuff, and women, and wives and. Oh. I think one isn't married. But after listening about the women in their lives- I lub yu shooo much! Other women are violent… and crazy! Crazy-violent!
It'd be easy. The only one that could tell she was lying was Armsmaster, but she was sure she could sabotage that gear somewhere, or get Marquis to sell her some blackmail to shut him up.
"-you are sooooo much better! You're nicer, less crazy kinder and a lot prettier."
Maybe bury him in the back-yard. No no too close. Susan's back yard, she never liked her anyway, always making eyes at her husband.
Babe...I gotta guy. These guys need someone responsible to make sure they do stupid things. I'll talk to you latter. I luv you Puppy!
She heard the click of the phone being hung up as she contemplated the most painful possible murder weapon.
"Can I go to the bathroom now?"
…
...
Perhaps a Wood drill bit. Attached to a drill.
(X)(X)(X)
Bakuda was a bitch.
She could admit that. She could afford to be a bitch because she had more brains in her little finger than half this city put together.
But there was a world of difference between admitting to being a bitch and being accused of being a mass murderer...prematurely.
After all, her bombing spree hadn't been scheduled til next week. She hadn't even gotten her first bomb brain surgery vict-Patient!
That's right. They were patients. That's the word the books said to use in college.
So yes. Here she was, tossing bombs from a grenade launcher left and right as one of her compatriots drove a big truck through the city in an attempt to shake off the pursuit of Armsmaster, Velocity, and Miss Militia, all for something she wasn't even responsible for!
Just because she was a Tinker bomb maker, and just because she'd planted around half of these bombs around the city in preparation to actually set them off didn't make her guilty.
The nerve of these people!
She supposed it was too much to hope for that rubes would do some actual fact checking before jumping the gun. Such was the curse of short sighted stupidity.
Honestly, all they had to do was hold still long enough to get caught in a blast. Maybe the arm, or the leg, and she could calmly explain her innocence as they were writhing on the ground about to go into shock from sudden dismemberment.
Then she could go and hunt down whatever bastard had decided to set off her bombs early. If she was feeling magnanimous she might even let them help.
Sadly, they weren't cooperating.
So them helping was probably out of the question.
"Bakuda," Halbeard shouts over a loudspeaker he probably crammed up his ass to replace his voice-box. "Pull over the vehicle and surrender yourself to PRT custody, or we will be forced to take drastic action."
She thinks about shooting off another volley of grenades as an answer when a thought occurs to her.
She reaches over towards her own loudspeaker, neatly placed on the ground besides her duffle bag full of exploding toys.
Poking out of the sunroof she shouts back at him. "Has that ever actually worked?"
She laughs, ready to slink back into the car and trade out the loudspeaker for her grenade launcher again, when the man actually answered her.
"On three separate occasions."
She halts, mid movement, looks and blinks. "Seriously?"
"Yes. The recorded dates and times are-"
"No you idiot! I'm not asking you to fact check! I was commenting on the fact that you freaking answered!"
"You asked a question." Was his droll response.
"A rhetorical question!"
"That was never specified."
"IT'S OBVIOUS!" The loudspeaker actually lets out a squeal at the volume of her voice, she winces and decides that this moron doesn't deserve to even breathe the same oxygen as her!
She tosses the loudspeaker down, reaches to her feet for the grenade launcher, pulls it and begins firing off her special incendiaries!
She'd been saving them for that creepy Ward chick with the bugs. It was basically liquid fire that splattered over everything and kept spreading like containment foam. She'd like to see those swarms get through that!
Still, the bug girl wasn't here and she could always make more after she got away from these losers.
"Uhh...Boss."
She ignores the driver in favor of shooting off her grenades and watching the whole street go up in flames!
She's laughing, and almost feels like pulling herself out of the sunroof to stand on the actual roof itself but decides against it. She didn't need to show off that much.
Maybe she'll do it when she finishes making all those armor-piercing, explosive, poisonous mini-gun rounds. And buys an actual mini-gun.
"Uhhh… BOSS!"
She points at Miss Militia, who is apparently a much better driver than Armsmaster seeing as how she was closer than she'd been before, even though Armsmaster was overcompensating with that monster bike.
She's about to pull the trigger when she feels the idiot in the car tapping her leg.
"What!" She snarls rounding to look, only to see him pointing ahead. "Seriously! What the fuck is so hard about driving the goddamn-"
When she looked up, she saw the bugs.
A whole swarm of them rushing up the street, like a biblical plague.
Oh hell.
She moved to duck, struggling with the grenade launcher in her rush, she gets a faceful of bugs splattering against her gas mask for her efforts before she finally ducks in. "Close the sunroof!" She demands, even so a veritable rainforest worth of insects is swarming in the car. Nothing that seems poisonous, just highly distracting.
"Oh shit! Ohhh shit!" The driver is nearly hyperventilating.
"Calm down!" She says as the bugs begin splattering against the front of the car. "I prepared for this bitch. Now that you've closed the sunroof even jesus couldn't get her bugs in here."
"Really?" He asked. "What did you do?"
"Reinforced windshield, sealed off exterior entry-points, rehauled the air conditioning and exhaust system, reinforced the panels that protect wires and electronics to seal em off. Yup, this is the safest place to be in a Skitter storm. Took me three fucking days but I did it!"
"Oh. That's a goddamn relief!" He cried, wiping at the air with his arm, probably catching one or two more bugs.
"Keep going," She said. "She has limited range and bugs can't move at sixty miles per hour so haul a-"
The rather sudden brick wall that decided to introduce itself to their front bumper disagreed with her assessment.
The fact that she didn't have a seat-belt didn't help.
With a fantastic crash that felt as though she'd never get out of her ringing ears she lurched forward in her seat, grenade launcher between herself and the airbag as it exploded, crashing the thing into her ribs and probably dislocating her wrists.
She was launched back into her seat...in a great...great deal of pain.
Her head swam...confused and finding it hard to think.
The front windshield had shattered.
…
…
Three fucking days...Didn't even last three minutes…
Fucking bullshit…
…
Ok…
Just gotta think.
What could she do…
Incendiary, time stop, freeze, singularity, flesh eating poison, turning someone into goo, Pain grenade regular old boom, sonic grenade to destroy any ear function.
Huh…
Of course… now she seemed to get it in her head the schematics for a healing grenade…
Stupid power…
Oh...no...Wait. She'd thought of it before but discarded it because the 'Turn people into Goo' grenade was just much more fun…
Note to self...re-examine priorities…
"Boss!? Boss! Are you ok?"
Her answer was a garbled 'Phrnlgth"
What she actually wanted to say was-
"I'm gonna fuckin kill you'
"Don't worry Boss, I'll think of something."
She laughed.
It hurt her ribs.
She was gonna kill him painfully…
"Ok. Ok. Just gotta think. Just gotta think and-"
There was a knock on the driver side window.
The driver paused, turned away from her and peered outside, where, through the slit between his shoulder and the seat, she could juuuust spy the chitinous, yellow eyed wraith that was Skitter.
The 'Mannequin' disguised as a Ward, waved at them.
Then she gestured for them to open the window.
He did so, the glass pane slowly rolling down.
"Yes?" He asked.
She held up two pairs of handcuffs. "Hi. My name's Skitter. What's yours?"
"Uhhh… Jim."
Huh. So that was his name. She had a driver named Jim. It would be etched on his tombstone. Along with the words "Shitty Driver" right underneath it.
"Hi Jim, hi Bakuda, could you put these on please?"
"You're not like...going to sting us to death or something?" He asked.
"Nah. Miss Militia asked me to try talking before the stinging next ti-well… This time now that I think about it. Apparently, Armsmaster's analyzers said the last guy was trying to say he was surrendering. But I swear I didn't understand him at all! I would've accepted the surrender!"
"Maybe his lips were swollen," Jim offered.
"Huh," She hummed. "Seems obvious now that you said it. Maybe I should keep them away from the mouth. Eyes are still useful though."
Jim did a remarkable job of seeming non pulsed.
Then- "Wait...Wasn't Lung the last guy you caught?"
"Yes! Now you see why we couldn't understand him," she chirped. "Even without the stings it wasn't my fault! His voice just gets so weird after he ramps up. He was supposedly saying Surrender and all I could understand was 'Burn everything to the ground! I say it was totally legit to hit him with that many poisonous bugs."
"Didn't you like...melt his...You know?"
"Totally legit Jim."
Jim paled a bit.
"Maybe Armsmaster's voice analyzer was just malfunctioning!" Jim once more helpfully provided, probably trying to get back on her good side.
"That is a very good point! Maybe I should go and tell him that! Get him to check before he goes asking me to do other things that make catching people harder than it has to be."
If she was incarcerated, she made a mental note to spread word about how 'helpful' Jim was being. She was sure that as soon as the bites and swelling went down, plenty of inmates would have a word with him.
She didn't need to kill him, there were plenty of people to do that for her.
"Do you think if I point it out to him they'll ease up on the whole 'Announce your presence before engaging' Thing? Honestly Ambushes get the job done so much faster!"
Bakuda spied a giant wasp, or something about the size of a closed fist land on the window frame.
"Ummm… I hope not?" Jim answered.
Skitter shrugged.
A pause.
She held out the handcuffs.
Jim eyed the handcuffs.
She tried to talk but only ended up coughing.
"I think she wants to make sure we don't get stung if we surrender."
She really really wanted to scream.
Or just shoot Jim.
Note to self. Right after priorities, buy handgun.
Her one functioning arm searched around for a grenade.
"Nope! No stings. Cross my heart."
"Ahh...Well I'll take one please," Jim said. She handed it to him.
He clicked it on one wrist and moved to click it on the other when he paused, looking at Skitter. For half a second she thought the man had grown a spine.
"Just on the wrist or around the steering wheel?"
"Uhhh I'm...not really sure. I've never done this before…" She said. "So...around the steering wheel I guess."
Jim complied.
Skitter tilted her head to look around the guy and waved. "Hi Bakuda."
Her non-functioning arm was used to give her the finger, or at least she hoped so.
She sucked down a breath, finally getting her voice back. "Yeah, no." The tinker glared, hefting the one grenade she'd managed to fish out of the side of the seat. Wasn't even sure what the hell it was really. "Ya see this? It's a big old fuck you that I haven't used yet! You should have waited til I spent all these on your friends before trying to corner me! Now what's to stop me from using them on you?"
"That you'll be caught in the blast too?"
"They're my bombs! I'll live."
"I...don't think that's how it wor-"
"I'll live!" She insisted! Her babies wouldn't turn on her. It's why she walked around with a whole duffle bag full of em!
"Okay…" Skitter turned and looked. "What about Jim?"
"Who cares about Jim!" She coughed
"I care about Jim! He's a nice guy!"
"Me too! And, yes I am!"
"No one asked for your opinion!" She snapped at him.
"Skitter!?"
That was Miss Militia's voice, or so she assumed.
The bug cape turned away. "Yes?"
"What's the situation?"
And that was Halbeard.
"Bakuda's gonna blow up Jim!"
A pause.
"Who the hell is Jim?!" And Velocity made three.
"The driver," she shouted back.
"Why is Bakuda threatening to blow up her own driver!?"
Again...Bakuda wanted to scream.
If only her ribs weren't broken.
"I think she's gonna blow up myself and Skitter." Jim finally did something useful!
"And why haven't you tried to leave the car? Skitter's insects won't hurt you." Miss Militia put forward.
"I'm handcuffed to the steering wheel."
"How'd that happen?"
"Skitter asked me to handcuff myself to the steering wheel."
"Skitter! Why did you instruct the hostage to physically restrict himself in such a way that he can't remove himself from the danger area?" Armsmaster questioned.
"Uhhh...Procedure?"
…
"What?"
"Procedure!"
…
...
"Seems legit."
"Huh!?"
Bakuda was just about ready to press the button and let sweet oblivion take all three of them just to escape from these morons! Certainly heaven had to be filled with some people that were slightly above the IQ of your average three year old!
…
Fuckit.
She pressed the button.
Nothing…
She pressed it again.
Still nothing
She opened her eyes, turning her head and looking at the bomb in her outstretched hand.
The bomb currently covered entirely in spun spider silk.
Oh you fucking bitch…
She tried to let go of the bomb, only to find it glued to her hand. She tried to pull her arm down to try and use the door or something to scrape it off, only to see a thin line of silk connecting her outstretched arm to the ceiling.
She let her head fall back to the head-rest and groaned as the conversation continued around her.
…
You know…
She wasn't even sure who she wanted to kill more anymore.
Jim, Skitter, or the fucker that had set off her bombs early…
(X)(X)(X)
Meanwhile, halfway across town, the Villain(ess) known as Marquis smirked behind her mask as she took full advantage of the ensuing chaos to get several tons worth of merchandise through customs without all the hubbub and oversight of the 'legitimate' employees.
After all, who the hell would come into work when the city was blowing up around them?
"Marquis!"
Annette Hebert actually stumbled. Completely caught off guard as she turned to look.
"Brandish!?" She balked, completely slipping out of her usual vernacular for the 'eloquent' persona she wore as a cape.
"You thought we would let you get away with this?" The heroine asked.
Annette looked around.
"Alright. First off, there is no We here, apparently your sibling and respective husbands have more sense and honestly woman, the city is practically in flames! Why exactly are you bothering me?"
"I'm not gonna let you get away with whatever you're doing here! Using the bombs to distract everyone was clever but I'm not falling for it!"
Annette tilted her head.
This time, she did slip out of her usual vocabulary.
"Ok. Seriously, all joking aside, you really really need some professional medical assistance. This isn't healthy anymore Brandish"
"Enough with your jokes!"
"Didn't I establish "all joking aside" in my last statement? I am truly, imploring you as your nemesis, for everyone's sake, get medical attention. Serious medical attention. Hell. I'll pay for it if money's the issue."
"I said enou-" Brandish was brought up short as 'Marquis' turned away. "Who the hell are you calling?"
Annette ignored her, phone pressed to her ear.
"Yes, Lady Photon?"
The New Wave cape almost fell flat out of the sky. "Wh-How the hell do you have my sister's number!?"
Annette flatly ignored her. "Yes I'm calling about your sister darling… She's right here. Listen. Is everything ok at home? I'm starting to get some very serious concerns here. Oh?... Yes darling, it's Marquis….Well because I have everyone's number dear….I understand, consider it deleted…. Of course you shouldn't believe me... Anyway, the safety of your cellular phone number is inconsequential. Now. Back to the matter at han-"
Brandish blinked.
Fucking with her.
That's what this had to be.
Carol Dallon felt the most curious of juxtapositions as her brain tried to both, drive her into a murderous rage at the sight of Marquis casually talking with her sister about her non existent mental health issues, and simply shut down at the absurdity of this whole thing…
…
"Yes darling I believe a serious intervention is, at this juncture, completely necessary. I'd honestly be somewhat flattered if I wasn't so concerned for her health."
…
Marquis nodded. "Yes of course." Then, he turned towards her. "It's alright dear, your sister will be here shortly."
…
…
Apparently, Marquis saw the look in her eyes. "Yes well you might want to speed it up." He said. "I do believe she's reaching that event horizon point of no return."
A pause.
"How is Mark? I can't help but feel that something must be addressed at home. It always starts at the home they say. So something there is the root cause of this."
With a roar Brandish rushed forward!
(X)(X)(X)
webxro
Benevolent Bystander
- Location
- Where you need me
Taylor has to be faking at least parts of how innocent she is. Really even her would've noticed how terrifying and nightmare fuel-ish she can be. But still she's her mother's daughter but instead of trolling Brandish Taylor troll everybody.
Ziz would approve.
Ziz would approve.
- Location
- Kent, WA
XD Oh, God, I can't stop laughing!
IronLucario2012
<Verified Pokémon> <Licensed Mech Pilot>
- Location
- Ireland
No, it was Bakuda's Jeep that Skitter attacked. Battery's van is on the other side of town at a retirement home, remember?
Skitter was attacking Bakuda
Edit: imp'ed
Edit: imp'ed
- Location
- Provo Utah or Northwestern Idaho
Troll for you, one for you, Trolls for EVERYONE!!