Lets tone that back a bit(Worm/Fallout) SI

[gavinjon]

I'm going to be honest and tell u that the multiple cape persona thing you're doing isn't fooling anyone. It feels like you got bored of your main character and made a new one on the spot for fun to spice up your writing.

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I don't agree at all. I think it's really unique and he's doing it well. I really like it!

 

[Tembu]

To

I don't agree at all. I think it's really unique and he's doing it well. I really like it!

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To each his own I guess but I've seen this style tens of times. The persona's get 'caught' then forgotten. That's why I feel their pointless . Theyre just 2d images of the main character without personality,allies and responsibilities. Just a drunken night out in my view

 

[TotallyNotEvil]

You bleed for Ug-Qualtoth's pleasure. Rip!tear!kill!

I blinked and felt warm liquid dripping on my arms and legs, my eyes darted to the sun and I heard muffled whimpering to my side. My eyes fell to what I was clenching in my hands. Red, red and pale white shards dripped in my grasp, soaking though the holes in the power armor frame. Red, Red, Red, Red, torn scraps of black metal laid in either hand dripping with Red. My gaze went down to my feet. Red, Red, standing in red and torn flesh. Shreds of red cloth mixed with spreading Red. My hands unclenched and the remains of Victors breastplate fell onto the left half of his body. Not comprehending, my head turned and saw a prone Othala with her chest a gory mess, bone torn out the front like something had broken out of her.

The whimpering noise broke train of thought, and I turned to see a chunk of shattered concrete next to a robed Rune. Her legs were bent at odd angles and her arms had too many joints. I lifted my leg with a sucking noise and took a step towards her, *Sluurp* *Drip* *Slomp*. She stopped making noise and I paused to see her arms twitching to pull herself away from me, millimeter by millimeter, the grinding of bones made me shiver, with either fear of pleasure, I did not know. My hands raised into my vision and the Red, Red, Red, dripped, dripped, dripped. Fear his cultist.

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So he is randomly possessed by some mystical horror of the Chuuni dimension?

I liked the cool toys, and a disabled tinker is a nice concept- hell, that's Tony Stark right there.

But the writing is very weak: there's no sense of time passing whatsoever, dialogue is wooden, characters don't have any real characterization, almost nothing to set the scenes physically or emotionally, no real goal or objective as of yet, the fake robot thing is cringey, and the protag just makes weird decisions, like keeping slaving away for 8.50 an hour deep in ABB territory after things have already gone wrong.

And then, this.