Let's Read: Silver Age Superman

Opening

Mister Bad Guy

Mr Mercury to friends
Location
Bay Area
On the third Monday of May, nothing happened. In honor of nothing happening, I shall do something I've been meaning to do for a while.



So, Silver Age Superman. We all know it. We've all seen the wacky covers and the insane plot twists and the bizarrely out-of-sorts storytelling. We all know Superman's a huge, inexplicable asshole to his friends and family and also a universe-cracking deity that nothing can really feasibly challenge. We know that Kryptonite can be found in cereal boxes, that every plot involves at least three inexplicable duplicates and one case of hypnotism. What an absurd relic. Who'd bother with them?

Plenty of people, turns out. At one point, these comics were the most popular comics in the world.



According to the helpful folks at Comichron, at least one of the Superman books averaged in the top five bestselling books throughout all the 1960s - the only exception being 1963, and that's only because DC's sales data for that year is missing. In 1962, 1966, 1967, 1968, and 1969, fully seven of the top ten bestsellers were books featuring Superman. In the year of 1962, more than forty million single issues starring him were sold.

Now, it's very easy to dismiss this; they were cheap, they were aimed at kids, they had infinite inertia, they were lowest-common-denominator garbage and they could have had Superman doing his taxes and it would have broken 100k, especially in an industry far healthier than the iron-lunged quadriplegic of modern comics. Irrelevant, of course. Let us point and laugh.

Poppycock. These were the most prosperous comics of one of the most prosperous periods in comic history. If the above numbers are anything to go by, their popularity actually rose over the 60s. Anything to achieve such media penetration, even if it is garbage, must have its hooks on something interesting. And these books were not merely bought and tossed aside, if the highly active letters page is anything to go by, but read cover-to-cover and critiqued and loved, just like any other.

Furthermore, this was not an era like what had come before. This was the Silver Age.


When comics historians speak of the Silver Age, they tend to talk about Barry Allen's 1956 first appearance as the harbinger of it - and quite justly, as his debut cascaded into the debuts of a number of other characters. But Barry was not a top-selling character - top twenty, yes, top ten, never. Superman merely kept going, having been published in the 30s and trucking along without so much as a renumbering. (This has made figuring out which Superman stories are Earth-2 and which ones aren't a bit of a headache.) That was on the page, anyway. Behind the scenes, comics historians have traced the beginning of Superman's Silver Age reawakening to Mort Weisinger, who took over as editor of his books in 1957 and began taking an active role in 1958.

As it turns out, there was an active difference between what came before and what came after. It didn't just keep pumping out the same stuff. It evolved, and grew. And this evolution would be probably the most pivotal part of Superman's mythology since it was decided he could fly. These stories do carry a legitimate cultural cache, and that warrants a look.

And even if you disagree with that sentiment, please consider that this thread will feature context to every single Superdickery moment you were too afraid to ask about.

Will this be blind?
Sorta. I've only read a handful of Silver Age Superman stories, from best-of collections or random dives in the quarter bin, but I'm pretty knowledgeable about the character in general. This is the deepest I've ever gone in, though.

What parts are you going to read?
I will be starting this adventure with the thing that comes up whenever one googles "beginning of Silver Age Superman." I'm going to stick to the Superman or Superman-involved stories in Action Comics, Adventure Comics, Superman, and Superboy, maybe occasionally detouring into World's Finest, Lois Lane, or Jimmy Olsen whenever an important issue hits. I will conclude the reading at a comic I've already decided on. I won't cover reprints unless it's something important.

How often will you be posting?
I'll try to get one issue every day, perhaps every two or three days if things get particularly hectic. The first actual reading will be showing up later today.

Wouldn't reading all of Silver Age Superman produce a King in Yellow-esque insanity?
I can handle stories meant for children. How about you?
 
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Action Comics #241 - The Super-Key to Fort Superman!


Silver Age Superman covers aren't generally known for being exciting or action-packed. Wikipedia claims without citation that one of Weisinger's edicts was to mimic the feel of a picture book, and that certainly seems to be what this invokes. Nonetheless, this is still a pretty impressive cover; Superman holding a giant key to a giant door, and pondering to himself who could possibly have moved it. Weirdly, it looks nothing at all like the key that will actually be appearing in the book.

As for why this issue, written by Jerry Coleman, drawn by Wayne Boring, and inked by Stan Kaye is important, well...



Yup, it's the first appearance of the Fortress of Solitude. And what an introduction it is: Superman writing in his diary, but it is not a regular diary, but a one-story-tall stone diary with the letters being inscribed through heat vision! It's also kind of unusual that instead of showing his strength, the narration describes either "hobbies" or "experiments" as what Superman does in the Fortress.

It's one of my favorite contrast points of Superman and Batman. The Batcave is a base from which Batman launches his war on crime. The Fortress of Solitude is Superman's attic where he keeps his stuff and occasionally invites people over to play pool.

The issue opens with Clark Kent talking to Lois and Jimmy - Lois sighing at not being able to buy a necklace, Jimmy at wanting a sports car, and going "oh well, can't have it all." I'd say "but they don't know Superman's in earshot", but then I realized that this is true as long as they're on the same planet. Maybe they just muse this stuff out loud because they know that Superman pays close attention to their lives. "SURE COULD USE FIVE MILLION DOLLARS RIGHT NOW, BUT I GUESS IT'S ONLY A DREAM."

In any case, noting he has the day off, Superman ducks into an alley, removes his disguise, and sets off to get them some gifts.




After harvesting a handful of perfect pearls from a cluster of oysters (X-ray vision helps with that), Superman flies off to make a detour to a special place - with a gigantic gold key for a gigantic gold door. Apparently, the odd shape of the thing is based on airplane markers, with the idea on Superman's part being that they'll just think it's one of those.

Inside the Fortress is a whole lot of rooms, each one of which holds a wax statue of one of Superman's friends, and a gift to be given to them in the event of his death. There's a room for Lois, who gets the necklace, for Jimmy, who gets the car, for Batman, who gets a "robot detective" to help him solve crimes, and a room for Clark, in case somebody finds their way in - since Clark Kent and Superman are known to be in the same room with unusual frequency.

Aside from that, he spends his time painting a picture - A SUPER PICTURE OF THE MARTIAN LANDSCAPE USING HIS TELESCOPIC VISION TO USE MARS AS A REFERENCE - and experimenting with Kryptonite while wearing a lead suit. He then leaves the Fortress, reflecting happily on how it's not often he gets a night to himself. And luckily for him, it looks like his next job will require just that - only...



ENEMIES OF THE HEIR BEWARE

Aside from that, I think it's amazing that apparently scientists in the DCU just phone up Superman whenever they think they've got something unbreakable on their hands.

In any case, Superman immediately combs the Fortress top to bottom. He checks his trophy room, which contains various crime-based machines that he wonders about the accidental activation of, and a small intergalactic zoo, where he ponders if one of the residents was secretly superintelligent. He even grumpily stares at a pile of space crystals from Planet X, wondering if they had an alien in them or something.



Eventually, though, he gives up, and decides to wait for the intruder's next move - and to actually do the thing he was supposed to.

Very grudgingly.



Christ, Superman.

After spending the day doing hero work, and reflecting on how he'd really like to be staking out the Fortress, he returns in the evening. When you can dig through solid rock, you don't really need a door, and so he simply drills into the side (being sure to fill up the hole along the way). Unfortunately for him, when he checks on the Fortress again, he finds that the painting he was working on has been finished - not of a Martian landscape, but of something completely unfamiliar to him.

His mind now occupied, Superman plays chess against a robot (by which I mean SUPER-CHESS AGAINST A ROBOT THAT THINKS A MILLION MOVES IN ADVANCE BUT SUPERMAN THINKS FURTHER), and tests out a set of goggles he designed to allow him to see through lead. But when he looks at the lead sheet he was testing on...



This little discovery shakes Superman pretty badly. He spends the next night having nightmares, and the next day, while rescuing a cruise ship, even the people he's rescuing notice he's off his game. When he returns to the Fortress, he finds a note around the Clark Kent figure's neck reading "KENT IS SUPERMAN! I TOLD YOU I KNEW!" He combs the Fortress one last time... and this time, he finds something in the Batman room, namely, a puddle of grey and blue wax sitting next to the Batman figure. He decides to go check on the key, while a shadowy figure watches, noting that he's managed to trick Superman, and soon Superman will be in for the surprise of his life.



Yup, it was Batman the whole time! Early on in Batman's intro, it was noted that Batman is the only person Superman is comfortable sharing all his secrets with, and apparently, that includes the location of the Fortress, his secret identity, and the Kryptonian language.

Batman runs over to Superman and digs him out of the rubble, trying to explain that it was all just a practical joke to get Superman's brain going, but Superman says that they're now trapped in the rocks. Not only that, but the space is too close for Batman to move the kryptonite away, so Superman's powerless and they're both stuck. Realizing that they're probably going to die together, Superman asks Batman to explain how he did it.



As it turns out, Batman didn't lift the key himself - the key is hollow, presumably because whatever metal it's made out of is expensive, so he was able to use a blowtorch to open it up and hide inside. Once he was there, he hid inside one of the trophies (specifically, the Bad Penny shown above, which is made of lead) and melted the Batman waxwork to give Superman one more clue (taking its place and standing very still).

Considering this has been going on for at least three days and he can't leave, Batman sure is dedicated to this prank.



Yup! As it happens, turnabout is fair play; the moment Superman saw the waxwork, he grabbed some fake Kryptonite, triggered a mini-cave-in, and pretended to be dying of radiation poisoning. Nice job.



There are many amazing things about this page.
- Batman has an oven that must be the size of a trailer truck to make that cake. This isn't surprising, but I wonder what kind of crimes required it to be called into service.
- Either that image above is symbolic, or Batman was shopping for gifts in full costume.
- Batman also owns a knife that must be nine feet long. Did he prepare it for the occasion, or is it a trophy?
- Are they going to eat the cake, just the two of them? This is supposed to be in the Batcave, so it's not the sort of thing where they hand the cake out to charity, unless they're gonna do it after the party with a giant slice taken out.
- Batman's cape is both really short and constantly billowing. Even in the store.
- The cake has candles shaped like Superman and Clark Kent heads.

Continuity Notes

As mentioned, this was the first time the Fortress of Solitude made its proper debut. A similar concept had appeared before, but here's where you see a Fortress with a giant door and a giant key with a zoo and a bunch of science experiments inside of it inside a snowy landscape. Weirdly, it's implied that the Fortress is somewhere in the US, when most other places say it's in the Arctic (or Antarctic); Superman mentions a hiker might find it, and the yellow arrows the key is supposed to look like were only in America.

The Penny Crimes appear to be made-up, but it's based loosely on the giant penny in the Batcave, which Batman got in an issue of World's Finest. I'm guessing Coleman forgot that World's Finest wasn't always a teamup book, and assumed (like most people) that the giant penny came from an important villain like Joker or Two-Face rather than the Penny Plunderer.

Flashing forward, there's a number of visual homages to this issue in All-Star Superman; both the giant diary and the penny make a reappearance.

Superdickery Rating: 2/5

Batman's the real dick in this issue, so while Superman faking him out is a bit mean, can't say he didn't earn it. Still, Superman made his friends really nice presents and then didn't give them to them, so that's worth half a point or so.

Overall Review

This issue has it all - crazy imagery, alien zoos, emotional abuse, near-death experiences, and Superman being ridiculously extra. But for all its odd morals and gigantic plotholes (so did Batman just, like, leave Gotham for three days straight?), it still tells a fairly good mystery story that gives enough clues to be guessed (though it loses a point or two for making up the giant penny story or not mentioning the penny was lead). And as weird as it sounds, its characterization is honestly pretty fantastic.

When you think of Superman, you probably think "noble", "kind", "brave", all that kind of stuff. You probably don't think "loner." But when you get down to it, Kal-El is a guy who essentially constructed an entire false identity to avoid talking to people, and who refused to tell anyone in his life about it, aside from his parents and other superheroes (and even then, infrequently). The guy is terrified of letting other people in, not because he doesn't like people, but because he's worried sick about what would happen if he died or they died, and he has no interest in letting them in on that life. And what's the first thing we see in the Fortress? Him preparing things to comfort his friends in case he dies. The dude is morbid.

He's also written as a person who has a very strong sense of space. He is tied to the Fortress because it's the only place he can really be himself and express his identity how he wants to express it. Violating that space is something that shocks him deeply. On the other hand, when he realizes it was just Batman, he immediately shifts to reversing the joke. For all his lonesomeness, it seems the bonds he shares with the people who do warrant his secrets are pretty much unshakable. It all comes together to paint the portrait of a very distinct person - well-meaning but neurotic, responsibility-minded but yearning to do his own thing, and deeply, deeply afraid, a guy who can give a great gift to anyone and can't ever really receive them and so ends up craving big emotional experiences instead.

This comic is a rollercoaster. It's a tour, a mystery, a character study, and it ends with a giant birthday cake. It's exactly the sort of thing that made me want to do this reading.
 
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Can we get a major DC universe motion picture all about Ben Affleck's Batman choosing to take three straight days of his own time out of fighting crime in order to fuck with Superman? I mean Jesus, that was a rollercoaster.

And tbh I automatically assumed it was actually Superman's evil alter ego taking over Tyler Durden style to self-troll while he's asleep because he snorted some rainbow Kryptonite or some shit because apparently that's the sort of thing that happens a lot in the Silver Age.
 
And what's the first thing we see in the Fortress? Him preparing things to comfort his friends in case he dies. The dude is morbid.

To expand on this, I have to wonder if this is something he does regularly? Like, every year he gets them something new? Or does he think he'll die soon?

Or is this for when Superman "dies" and lives as Clark Kent?

Also, wow, Batman. He is a hilarious dick.
 
Silver Age stuff is at its best when it's basically 100 Proof nonsense, a sort of distilled unselfconscious mania of pure imagination. Shit like Jimmy Olson hunting for Totally Not The Loch Ness Monster I Swear with the Newsboy Legion (which casually includes a tiny soldier man) as basically a group of international super spies, fresh on the heels of him and Superman chasing Basically Dracula down to a miniature artificial planet that has been bombarded with horror films so now everything that sizes up from it is a pulpy monster.

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olson under Jack Kirby (this is part of the Fourth World saga actually!) was a trip.
 
I always found 'lol Silver age so silly' memery to be kind of whatever, but I do find it amusing in context of the comics code. Because they lost ability to write actually socially relevant and potentially left wing stories that Supes started with. Which surely left the writers in kind of a bind. I have to imagine that faced with the prospect of writing vanilla bad guy punch up stories, they decided to get completely baked out of their minds and just write whatever instead.

Writing stories about the characters just fucking with eachother for no reason is a pretty on point choice too.
 
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Adventure Comics #249 - The Stolen Superboy Cape!


Superman and Superboy weren't monthly books at the time, which means we're skipping over to Adventure Comics and its Superboy story! After yesterday's bombshell, this story, written by Otto Binder, drawn by Curt Swan, and inked by Stan Kaye, should be a bit more secure.

This is a... weird cover. You'd think there'd be more practical ways to test a fabric's durability than getting a tractor and a chain and tying it to a tree. Also, in about ten seconds, that rope is gonna snap, and then the tractor will probably flip over, handily solving the problem.



One thing that sticks out is the change in artist. Curt Swan's drawing this issue, and that's going to be a bit of a trend. Wayne Boring was the main Superman artist of the 50s, but the winds are changing, and looking between the two, it's honestly not hard to see why.

By the narrator's claims, this is apparently going to be a super sad story. I'll be the judge of that! But christ, either Jonathan and Martha are amnesiac or they hate their adopted son so much they're burning pictures of him. Also, why would you adopt your nephew? Did his parents suddenly die?

Did you orphan him, Mr. Kent?



Okay, so apparently this is the saddest story Superboy ever went through. Also, can we just appreciate the tonal dissonance of the guy tearfully calling himself as a baby "Superbaby?"

In any case, Superboy explains that he ended up taking several hours rounding up escaped circus animals, and so his dad got really angry at him, in the process saying "This is just like that time you bought all those raincoats for the store without consulting me!"



As it turned out, that was for good reason, too... but rather than let him explain, Jon recalls an incident where Superboy bossily told him to stop painting his den so they could go to a picnic... because Superboy painted the den for him already.

...Huh.

Anyway, at that point, Superboy recognizes that this is maybe a chronic thing, and the problem is less that he does this stuff and more that he repeatedly emasculates his dad, so he offers to just leave.



...Huh. Well, Otto Binder, I'll hand it to you; your dad packing your bags to kick you out of the house as a teenager because you were late is pretty sad.

Dejected, and in the years before stranger-danger, Clark immediately starts hitchhiking with a very unsuspicious-looking guy.



Superboy resolves the problem by drinking the acid until it falls below the crack, and then returns to find the car gone. He realizes that Crane drove off with his stuff, and prepares to give chase, when suddenly...



Yup, turns out the local sheriff was just waiting in the bushes for random people, and believes that this teenage nerd is probably a notorious thief. Without his money or ID, he can't confirm who he is, and he doesn't want to call his dad and have it be on the record that his adoptive son was accused of a crime. Being ridiculously lawful, he quietly goes to prison for vagrancy, and the sheriff goes to get him a prison uniform. Clark realizes that if his clothes are taken away, that'll reveal his outfit, and so punches a hole in the cell wall and hides his outfit in the other cell, which is empty.

Fortunately, the sheriff is blind and deaf, and so doesn't hear the sound of a stone wall being cracked open, the fist-sized hole in the wall, or the primary-colored costume hanging on it. He gives Clark his uniform, and in the meantime, Clark uses his telescopic vision to check on the crook, who has just found his spare costume.



Uh, Clark? If you can look at a guy while he's in another city, why couldn't you see a guy sitting next to you in the bushes?

Clark?

Stop ignoring me.

In any case, as he listens in on his parents, he hears them get call Martha's recently-widowed sister, who says that she can't support a family. They agree immediately to adopt another kid, and this leaves Clark heartbroken. Rather than let this get him down, though, he listens in on the robber, who says he's going to be auctioning off the secret of Superboy's identity in exchange for... ten thousand dollars? Dude, even with inflation, that's lowballing.

Superboy decides to tunnel out of the cell to thwart Crane.



Superboy leaps into action, but rather than humiliate his dad again, he stalls the car with superbreath, and then does, er.



This.

Unfortunately, this takes so much time that he has to be back in his cell in time for mess hall. But when he returns to the prison, his parents are there, and say that, yes, he's their son.



Pa explains that he realized the Kents were being spied on by criminals, looking for some kind of mysterious "Object X", and they have a stolen machine that can see through walls and pick up noises. Because of this, he packed up the spare costume and Superboy's various trophies, to get them out of the house as soon as possible. He then told Clark to leave the house, and when he was calling the aunt about an adoption, his finger was on the receiver.

That's right, Pa Kent covered up the idea that Clark Kent was Superboy with the idea of him having an abusive father!

This doesn't solve the problem of the robber, so Superboy flies out of the car and quickly locates the guy, doing the tests seen on the cover. They then do the last test...



Aside from the fact that these guys have a random flask of acid for no reason (possibly from the same people who made the acid that got tossed in Harvey Dent's face), this is actually a pretty sensible explanation. Superboy's costume is made from Kryptonian yarn that was unraveled from a set of blankets, which is probably not in common supply, and this is a spare costume. It being made of merely very strong material would make sense if it were just a backup.

Unfortunately, seems this wasn't sufficient as an explanation, so Superboy explains that he actually moved in at superspeed and replaced the costume with the clothes off a nearby scarecrow, which was coincidentally wearing a blue suit. Dang it, Binder.

He flies back home, and spies on the criminals and their machine, as they peer in on... a bowling ball?



Clark's dismissal of the bowling ball as an element of gay culture results in him missing that the bowling ball is actually fake, and that when exposed to room temperature, its outer layers will melt off, revealing a map. Said map leads to a treasure, and that's what the thieves are looking for. Being dumb, they thought that Clark was given the bowling ball "as a souvenir from his friend Superboy", and were going to watch it melt without ever entering the Kent house.



I'm pretty sure a TV being bombarded with X-rays wouldn't look like that, but we've established that these criminals are pretty stupid.

Superboy locates the treasure and alerts the authorities, and after Joe Crane is captured, his suitcase is returned by the police. "Home sweet home!", he happily declares.

Continuity Notes

It wasn't solidified for a good while where the hell Smallville is. In this story, it seems to be pretty close to Metropolis, if not outright neighboring it.

Superdickery Rating: 1/5

Superboy spends the whole story being almost excessively nice. It's his dad who acts like a jerk rather than explaining himself.

Overall Review

Huh. Guess the massively contrived life-endangering moral lessons did come from somewhere. This is a more standard story of the era, and that should probably say quite a lot about what the era was. Nothing overtly crazy, but it is a good establisher of the casual jerkishness and mad science involved in the Kent family. Rather than neurotic and deceptive, Superboy reads as obsequiously moral, or even a martyr, mostly because he has people who he needs and trusts, and therefore those people can betray that trust.

Hopefully, they won't use that plot too much.
 
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I always found 'lol Silver age so silly' memery to be kind of whatever, but I do find it amusing in context of the comics code. Because they lost ability to write actually socially relevant and potentially left wing stories that Supes started with. Which surely left the writers in kind of a bind. I have to imagine that faced with the prospect of writing vanilla bad guy punch up stories, they decided to get completely baked out of their minds and just write whatever instead.

Writing stories about the characters just fucking with eachother for no reason is a pretty on point choice too.
I always found the dismissal of Silver Age stories as insane nonsense to be a bit unfair. They were boundlessly creative, surprisingly emotional, hugely influential, deeply entertaining, and modern comics wouldn't exist without them. But they were indeed insane nonsense.
 
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I always found the dismissal of Silver Age stories as insane nonsense to be a bit unfair. They were boundlessly creative, surprisingly emotional, hugely influential, deeply entertaining, and modern comics wouldn't exist without them. But they were indeed insane nonsense.
This is my thought exactly.

I'm gonna be watching this, hopefully it lasts longer than most of the "let's read old comics" threads I've found myself following o'er the years.
 
While I get to work on the following issue of Superboy, enjoy this picture from one of the backups in last issue.



The fact that Topo never showed up in Brave and the Bold is the only bad thing that show ever did.
 
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The following issue of Superboy was entirely reprints, so while I get to work on the issues from July of 1958, enjoy this picture from one of the backups in last issue.



The fact that Topo never showed up in Brave and the Bold is the only bad thing that show ever did.

Enviromentalism in the DC Universe is fucking fraught.

Not least because if you pollute the ocean a six foot man who can punch through solid steel will show up and ask you to stop.
 
Superboy #65 - The Super-Weakling from Space!, Superboy's Moonlight Spell!, The Amazing Adventures of Krypto-Mouse!


Oh, come on.



Back in these days, most DC solo books had three stories in them. Usually, some of the three would be reprints, but having rechecked, seems this one's all-original, written by Jerry Coleman and drawn and inked by George Papp.

Our first story: The Super-Weakling from Space, opens with a golden spaceship landing in Smallville. As you do. One of the many humanoid aliens in the universe steps out, and introduces himself as Dworn. According to him, he's the last survivor of his race, and he swung by Earth because he heard that Superboy is also a last survivor and he figures he could help him out. When the people ask him why he owns a spaceship that looks to be made of gold, he casually explains that his people had such advanced technology that they could turn anything into gold, and then turns the guy's cigarette into exactly that.

Clark Kent, watching the whole thing, realizes that this guy is going to be a target for every single criminal out there, and turns into Superboy.



Man, that is one romantic panel. Honestly, I could roll with it.

Dworn explains that on his home planet, he was superhumanly strong, but because of gravity or something, he's so weak he can barely even lift himself unassisted. Superboy tells him that he can go crash at Clark Kent's place for a while, thanks to a pen-pal event.



Clark why didn't you just tell him

also why does he get a wig

Things get weirder when after dinner, Dworn asks if he can borrow some Kryptonite. Clark, sensibly, asks why the hell he'd want Kryptonite, but Dworn simply responds that he'll have to make some instead.

The next day, the penpal event involves everyone taking their penpals onto a big stage and signing their names. Meanwhile, a gang of local crooks who have heard the news start looking for any hideously weak teenagers. They figure the penpal event would be a natural place to hide the kid. For whatever reason, the signing is also done with a gigantic heavy pen that even the regular teenagers have a hard time writing with.



Okay, this is the second comic this month where Superboy drinks acid. By two different writers, even.

But in fact, he's not drinking the acid, he's holding it in his mouth. When Dworn walks in to take the giant novelty pen, Superboy spits the acid into the back of the pen, hollowing it out and lightening it considerably. The crooks move on, assuming the kid isn't there.

While they walk home, Dworn hears an old lady talking about how she can't afford her rent, much less a new coat for her daughter, and so taps her purse and turns it into gold. Clark reflects that obviously, this means Dworn is a pretty standup guy, so why the hell does he want Kryptonite?

There's a random aside where he hangs out with Lana Lang and she asks him to take a piece of driftwood from a river, thinking that if he can't lift it, then obviously he is Dworn. Obviously he fails, causing Superboy to spring into action, tunnel under the lake, and hold the driftwood in place so that Lana can't lift it either, assuming it must be stuck in the lakebed or something.

After that randomness, Dworn turns a hobo's begging mug into gold, which is spotted by the crooks. They immediately grab him and take him to their hideout. Superboy spots the crime and follows them there, only for the crooks to pull out a piece of Kryptonite.



Plot twist! Turns out Dworn's people discovered Kryptonite a long time ago, and managed to invent a pill that made them superpowered when they were around it. He didn't just tell Clark Kent this because he didn't know the guy. Dworn easily handles the criminals, but says that he'll have to leave, saying there isn't room for two Superboys on Earth, one strengthened by Kryptonite and the other weak to it.

Kinda like Ladyhawke.

Superdickery Rating: 2/5

Most of the problems in this issue could have been avoided if Clark had just told Dworn about it, but that's less Dickery and more Dumbassery.

Overall Review

Though the relationship between the two is honestly kind of sweet, the story's full of random asides and padding and the big twist is really not as clever as it thinks it is. Dworn's leaving is only shown on the last panel, which makes the whole thing feel rushed, too.



Our next story, "Superboy's Moonlight Spell", written by Bill Finger and drawn and inked by Al Plastino, opens with Superboy doing his weekly "try to make Kryptonite not affect me" attempt. Being Superboy, he decides to break every lab safety rule in the book.



Welp, time for the Jekyll-and-Hyde story.

Evil Superboy causes random havoc for a bit, and then decides to take off his hood to reveal who he is and ruin Superboy's reputation. However, when he steps into the shadows, he returns to normal, and horrified, he fixes the damage.



Honestly, you can tell Al Plastino was having a lot of fun drawing Evil Superboy.

Evil Superboy runs around wreaking havoc for a bit, ringing the town bell as if it's an emergency and helping criminals find their buried loot. The fiend. He then decides to change into his Superboy costume, to reveal his change to the world, but once again, upon doing so, he returns to normal and fixes all the problems he caused.

When he gets home, his parents find the hood and ask him what the hell is going on and if he knows anything about that evil Superboy running around.



THE FIEND.

Oh, Clark, so young and concerned about the truth.

Clark pieces together that the whole thing is caused by three factors - the gas, the moonlight, and him not wearing his Superboy outfit because it's invulnerable to... moonlight, or something. He tells his parents about this, and has them, uh...



Couldn't you just close the curtains? And wouldn't being surrounded by kryptonite paint kill him? On top of that, he tells them to not listen to anything he says, because he's lied before and he could LIE AGAIN.

The following night, he has the moonlight fall upon him, and finds that he doesn't turn evil! Seems the effect was temporary! Hooray! However, he also looks out the window with his X-ray vision and spots a volcano about to erupt! He tells his parents about this, but they immediately dismiss it as a lie.

Wait, if he can use his X-ray vision, why doesn't he just melt the bars off?

Clark dissassembles his alarm clock, takes one of the gears, and tries to file his way through the bars...



Catching the ring of a clock gear from across a room with a cast fishhook? Man, forget Superboy, that's an actual feat right there.

Clark uses his X-ray vision on the plane (which, it turns out, is an unmanned aircraft), and causes its motor to fail. His parents hear it about to crash and let Clark out so he can save the plane.



Once freed, Superboy saves the plane, digs a trench to stop the lava flow, and disposes of his goth phase. He goes to sleep peacefully, in a room painted with kryptonite, in a town right next to a violently erupting volcano.

Superdickery Rating: 3/5

Dickishness while mindcontrolled is still dickishness, just like a car crash while drunk is still a car crash, but it seems Evil Superboy's idea of evil is... unimpressive, to say the least.

Overall Review

Hey, they didn't use that plot! Unfortunately, the one we got feels like a waste of potential. You'd think evil Superboy would be up to all kinds of crazy stuff, but instead he just commits random property damage, creates a traffic jam, helps actual criminals, and lies to his parents. I've met actual teenagers who've done all those things.



"The Amazing Adventures of Krypto-Mouse!", with Jerry Coleman and John Sikela, opens with... well, the above, kinda speaks for itself. The boy, dejected at losing his pets, sets the mouse free, at which it then wanders into a random scientist's experiment.



The obvious stuff happens, and the mouse suddenly starts growing, then smashes through the wall. The scientist realizes that the mouse has gained superpowers.



...honestly i know funny animals and superheroes have something of a shared history but this guy just reminds me of Donnie Darko

it's probably the wall-eyed stare

In any case, the kid's first thought, for some reason, is to give the mouse the Superboy costume his mom made for him, and tell the mouse to fight crime.



Honestly, you gave a mouse superpowers, this is probably one of the least bad things that could have happened. I'd question why the people didn't realize he had a mouse head, but I'm gonna say they assumed it was red kryptonite.

The boy tells off the mouse for it, at which the mouse then suddenly sees something and runs off. What extremely plausible reason for this could there be?



Okay, a criminal sneaking into a crowd of children wearing a fursuit while a nude superpowered beastman sneaks up behind him is one of the more deeply messed-up things in this comic.

Also, those kids know what happened to the rats in that story, right? And for that matter, they know the Pied Piper leads kids in part of it, so they don't need to wear those outfits?

Anyway, the guy's criminal partners mix up the two tall furries in the back of the line and decide to shoot Krypto Mouse repeatedly in the head and then drop a rock on him. Somehow, nobody notices this. Realizing that the guy they're trying to kill is completely unharmed, they run for it and turn themselves in. The chief laughs it off, telling a baffled Superboy how clever he is for dressing up as a mouse and tricking those criminals.

...You know what, police guy? Yeah, it's pretty plausible he'd do that.

The kid happily says that if the mouse just keeps doing stuff like that, then he can ease them into the idea of a terrifying mutant creature as a superhero.

The next day, Superboy finds a nearby cargo ship, which is caught in a bad stretch of water. They say they'll be able to ride it out, but the water will ruin their cargo, so Superboy tosses the stuff to shore where it will land softly.

The cargo is, evidently, a gigantic shipment of cheese.

When he doesn't find them at the location he tossed them to, he goes looking.



Superboy gives chase, but the mouse is too quick to be caught. He decides to wait him out, when...



Well, Lana just got traumatized, but at least the nightmare is now over. Luckily for the kid, it's revealed that earlier, when the mouse was playing with those coals, he squeezed one into a diamond. Now, the kid is set for life. Until they realize that diamond resale value is nonexistent, anyhow.

Superdickery Rating: 1/5

Superboy is barely in this story, but he gets a point for people thinking any of this was plausible.

Overall Review

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
 
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It's...kind of sweet that Superboy is so darn nice that even being turned evil only makes him kind of a nuisance?
 
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Well that Super-mouse story is disturbing on a lot of levels, though I don't entirely understand why the mouse had a 48 hour time limit on its powers aside from narrative convenience for poor confused Superboy.
 
dark superboy added to smash, superman now has more reps than metroid
I like to imagine Superboy Prime, were he revived, would basically be one of those #Diversity&Comics fuckboys but With Actual Canon Power Now, so when he gets sent off to Smash World he just starts screaming about how Samus can't be a girl, man.

His Final Smash is blocking you on Twitter.
 
I like to imagine Superboy Prime, were he revived, would basically be one of those #Diversity&Comics fuckboys but With Actual Canon Power Now, so when he gets sent off to Smash World he just starts screaming about how Samus can't be a girl, man.

His Final Smash is blocking you on Twitter.

Wasn't he basically already that?
 
All these scientists who are just freely giving out powerful acids to anyone who strolls in their labs or who are building and misfiring superpower rays are the true heroes.
 
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