Quality of your writing improved in leaps and bounds in a year you've been writing, good job! Character interactions and voices come more naturally now.

Wretch's (the monster side) motivation and her fluctuating level of sapience are a bit confusing. I also would expect for Coil and Automoton to demand a part of the money forward before becoming a part of a hit squad.

I am impatient to see character interactions without the Undying in the picture. Coil and Blackout's banter/argument is a good start.
 
Quality of your writing improved in leaps and bounds in a year you've been writing, good job! Character interactions and voices come more naturally now.

Wretch's (the monster side) motivation and her fluctuating level of sapience are a bit confusing. I also would expect for Coil and Automoton to demand a part of the money forward before becoming a part of a hit squad.

I am impatient to see character interactions without the Undying in the picture. Coil and Blackout's banter/argument is a good start.
Thank you, I've had a lot of practice and been striving to improve things as time goes on and so I'm really happy to hear that it has paid off.

Wretch might've been weird because I'm kind of trying to write for two different characters at once, one that can be referred to as Ilya who wants to have a family and be accepted and represses the Wretch for the most part until it comes bursting out and does damage and the other which is the Wretch which is animalistic and basically devolves to wanting to kill and eat every living thing around her. The closest I could compare it to would be a drug addiction where Ilya is in control most of the time but the more time passes without transforming into and indulging in the instincts of the Wretch the more pressure builds up and eventually she loses control and becomes semi-animalistic to fix her cravings. Does that make sense? I think I might have bitten off a lot with the character but I do think I'll get to play around with it a lot more and potentially clarify it a bit more.

As for Coil and Automaton demanding money upfront the way I tried to paint it was Coil accepted partially to get the heat off of her and let her operate with impunity (she now has the rest of the group backing her up so she's free to antagonize the police a lot more and get rid of the people who are closing in on her). Automaton admittedly was me cutting things for dramatic purposes. I may have been better served showing him negotiating such a thing but I really wanted the impact to land of him not liking any of the others and distrusting them but joining anyways because he feels they're his only way out. It might not have been the best and in the future I'll be considering how much to portray when emphasizing certain traits.

The Undying will be taking a slight backseat for a bit. The next update (of which I am in the process of writing) will focus a lot more on the Hargreeves whom haven't really gotten much spotlight on them and will have the dynamics of the group explored a lot more. I hope to continue to provide more content you enjoy and continue to improve.

All that being said I'm curious if there was a particular character voice you enjoyed or an interaction you wanted to see happen? I'm also really curious to hear any predictions you might have about trajectories things might go in. Any other thoughts you'd like to share on this will be greatly appreciated as feedback helps me to improve.
 
I will start with predictions.

The obvious place to begin is the pair of Kraken and Coil. They are thematically opposite: he views himself as a superhero and she sees herself as a classy villain. They have a personal reason for a clash: he is a good friend and an ex of detective Patch, while she wants to get rid of her. He wants for his siblings to reunite and return to the time when they were heroes; she wants to use her new siblings to do the dirty work for her, get her haul and return to being a solo thief. I can see them facing off against each other with the help of one other sibling, and the heroes to get their heads out of their asses and work together to win while villains will fight each other as much as heroes.

I can see Automaton becoming part of the Seventh's plotline. She wants to be a part of her family, but the circumstances (the lack of power) and their unwillingness to include her drive her off. He doesn't want any part of it, but the circumstances (his daughter's illness) and his new "family" forces him into this conflict. She will always be the seventh and he will always be the fifth, one of but not, the last and the least.

Both Seance and Blackout don't want to have their power and use outside means (drugs and rugs) to block and hide it. Additionally, Seance cannot get rid of Horror haunting him, while Blackout has to stick with her "family" to get help. I can see them being Kraken and Coil's sidekicks.

Rumour's usage of her powers led to her losing her family. Now she voluntarily chooses not to use them. Wretch's powers wouldn't let her to live her life as she wants. Now she let it go and voluntarily uses them. Spaceboy was loyal and dutiful to his father till latter's death, and now is unmoored. Wretch was alone for her whole life, but now she has a brother and she will not let him go. I can see Rumour's power suppressing Ilya and not working on the animalistic mind of a Wretch, who is additionally strong enough to fight Spaceboy to a standstill.

The fight of the Boy and Undying all but guaranteed. The question is what each of them are willing to sacrifice and use in order to win.

In the past, your characters were like a single character, but with different life experiences, if it makes sense? They each had their motivations and goals, but in the core they were a same person. Now they are more distinct and fleshed out beyond their backstories. I can believe that each of them have their own favourite song and they don't match.

I liked Ilya and Wretch a fair bit. But I was under impression that to use the power she has to become more Wretch than Ilya, while she later in the story uses her animalistic powers while remaining sentient.

Unsurprisingly, I liked Alfredo the most of the bunch. He was made to be sympathetic. I find Coil to be a little too childish for a woman in her thirties. Elanor was good, but a little unrelatable at the moment due to her circumstances. I will have to relate to her through her interactions with other characters in the future. Same problem with Ulysses, he has a fair share of character traits (driven, obsessive, vengeful, persuasive, etc) but none of them is particularly relatable. He either needs to become pure evil (and for that he needs to be more fun) or develop some relatable traits (fall in love with someone, or protect someone, or even like dogs).

Keep up good work, you are doing great!
 
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