AN: Thanks to
RedrumSprinkles for helping me out immensely with this!
I woke up groaning to find myself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, moldy wood and thatch, accompanied by the smell of fire. I rolled out of the bed I to find myself looking at Eve.
"Morning sunshine," she grinned. "You fainted."
"What?"
"You fainted." she continued. "We thought that archer had gotten lucky, but you just fainted."
I pulled up my shirt and stared at the spot the arrow hit me. Sure enough, all that was there was one ugly ass bruise. "I'm not dead?"
"I'm talking to you aren't I?" she laughed. "Oh by Andraste, you actually fainted to an arrow!"
"But… but…"
"The whole group knows about it. Even Solas chuckled when we found you had fainted. Solas." she emphasized.
"Oh God," I muttered in horror at what was to come. It may not have been 'arrow to the knee' jokes, but I will never live this down.
"Your armor did its job Vic,"she said as she gave me a shoulder punch. "You're fine."
"So uhh... " I said, rubbing the back of my head.
"Come on get up. I've seen people walk off worse," she said. "I've already talked to the mayor. The fort guards the entrance to the dam so we've got some work to do."
I mumbled a few curses under my breath as I got up and put my armor back on. Good old reliable plate and chain I guess. People wore this stuff for a reason, and while it was heavy and the rain didn't do anything to make it lighter, I put it on anyway.
"I'm never gonna live this down am I?" I asked as I finished putting on the armor.
"Nope," she grinned. "The Inquisition shall remember this. Forever." she whispered the last bit.
"Oh God." I groaned as I followed her back out into the rain.
"Hey look it's Talky back from the dead!" Varric greeted as I stepped out. "How was your nap?"
"I do think he looks rather pale," Vivi added, mock concern clear in her face. "Why he looks positively dreadful. Are we sure he isn't a demon inhabiting a corpse?"
"I could check," Cass said as she stared at me with vengeance in her eyes. "You can never be too sure with this."
"Oh ha ha guys." I droned. "Very funny. I'm alive and fine thank you."
"Such wit." Solas went on. "The demons are getting better at mimicry."
"Not you too, Solas," I groaned.
"Come on guys," Eve chuckled. "We've got work to do. So make fun of him while we move along."
"Oh God." I moaned, as we marched off to save the day. Again.
__
"Well," Bull said as we stared at our target, the fort that guarded the dam. "That's gonna be a problem."
We'd managed to find ourselves to our target of the fort in Crestwood that the mayor was talking about. Aside from the occasional pack of undead and countless arrow jokes at my expense, everything was going as smoothly as a hot knife through butter.
At least until we hit the fort itself. The damn thing certainly was built with intimidation as its ally, with the giant metal statue of some sort of bird silhouetted against the clouds and the great flaming brazier a pair of statues that flanked the closed gates.Combine that with how it stood proud on top of the hill, all silhouetted against the clouds and it looked like we'd need an army to take it.
"Any ideas on how to open it?" Eve asked the group.
"We could blast the gates open," Cassandra supplied. "The mages are more than capable of that. The trouble would be covering them I believe."
"They've got a lot of crossbows up there," Sera supplied. "They'll be pincushions by the end of it."
"We could just toss Bull at the gate." I supplied. "I'm pretty sure he counts as a battering ram."
"Ha ha Mr.Faints at an arrow." Bull countered. "Any other bright ideas?"
"We could talk to them I guess." I shrugged. "Figuratively speaking. How much of a fort do you need anyway?"
"Enough to do its job Vic," Eve stated.
"Just the gate then," I said. "I could try and talk some sense into them? Buy them out?"
"Maybe," Eve said rubbing her chin. "Fine, try and talk some sense into them. If they don't well… Just the gate please."
"Sure can do," I grinned. "Anyone got something white?"
"Here darling," Viv said as she offered a handkerchief. "Don't faint on us now."
"God, you guys are never going to let me forget this huh?" I said as I tied the cloth to a stick.
"Never Talky," Varric chuckled. "Never."
"Ugh," I groaned as I marched, stick raised, towards the fort.
As I marched, I started to notice a few more things about the fort. Several bandits manned the wall, most armed with crossbows. The gates themselves looked pretty solid to me, wood reinforced with solid steel, something that'd give a lot of trouble I reckoned. Though, as soon as I got close to the gate a bolt slammed right in front of me.
"That's close enough!" one of the bandits shouted. "What do you want?"
"We'd like to buy this fort!" I shouted back, hands up in the air.
"Wot?" another bandit asked.
"You know, take it off your hands for gold? Buying things?" I said, as if explaining to a child.
I could make out a couple of figures on the wall leaning in towards each other. Probably muttering if I was worth the trouble. "I'm with the Inquisition you know!" I shouted. "We've the money for it!"
"Wait there while I get the boss!" one of them shouted before scampering off into the darkness.
I fidgeted a bit under the scrutiny of so many loaded weapons pointed at me. Just one twitchy finger was all it took and poof! Pincushion me.
"Oi!" a towering figure among the walls bellowed. "Who're you?"
"I'm Vic, with the Inquisition," I shouted. "I represent the lady Inquisitor who'd like to purchase this fine establishment from ye!"
"And have you all string us up the moment we step out?" he roared back. "Not bloody likely!"
"I'm giving you the quick way out you know," I replied.
"Yeah, and we can shoot you up now, and take on whatever you throw at us!" he laughed back before raising his hand. "Fire!"
"FEIM" I shouted, right before the bolts passed through me. I couldn't make out the faces of the bandits but I imagine it was something I really really wished I could see.
"Oh come on guys," I whined. "There's no need to be rude. Now… let me play you the song of my people." I grinned as I faced the gate. "FUS" I shouted, slamming the gate open and shaking the gatehouse's stones.
"Andraste's Tits!" one of the bandits cursed. "What was that?"
"Let the dogs loose on him!" I heard as I rushed towards the gate and away from the crossbows.
"Shit," I muttered as I heard the barks and growls of their Mabari, hulked out wolf hounds. I drew my sword just as I caught sight of a pack of them making a beeline for me and I knew then that I couldn't fight them off. "RAAN MIR TAH" I shouted, right as one of them quite literally pounced me.
I got a solid licking for that, as the Mabari whined, almost as if in apology. "It's alright boy," I said as I scratched its ear. "I know you've been working for bad men, let's change that eh?"
The mabari, and the others around me barked back, almost as if they knew what I was saying. "Now get off!" I shouted, as I rolled back on my feet.
The dog barked back happily, just as I heard the sound of running headed towards me. I turned around to see a couple of bandits having halted and staring at me slackjawed. "Yer not dead." one of em stated. "The dogs ain't mauling ye."
"Who's a good boy," I cooed, scratching the chin of one of the dogs who barked happily. "Yes you are yes you are."
"What." Another bandit stated, probably incredulous at the sight. Which to be fair he had every right to. Mabari were notoriously loyal. "Now you see those bad men, boys?" I pointed at the bandits.
The dogs growled as they turned to face them, ready to maul and bite and tear. "Sic!" I ordered.
The dogs raced towards the bandits, whose eyes had gone wide with shock. "Boy it's me! Don't ye remember?" One of them begged before one of the dogs leaped on him and tore his throat out. By then the other bandits had begun to try and fight back, but the dogs were wreaking havoc among them, ducking and weaving between their swings to bite and tear at their legs.
"Wow," Eve said right as she slowed down beside me. "I've never heard of mabari going wild on their partners."
"We've still got a lot more to clear out," I stated as more than a few of the mabari died fulfilling their orders.
"You're right," she nodded. "Follow my lead," she ordered as we charged into the fray, Cole staying behind to aid the dogs.
Turned out, Sera and Varric had managed to pick off a lot of the bandits on the walls. Right as we managed to get on top of the walls, we found that more than a few bandits had an arrow or bolt in their head. It was mostly clean-up of the occasional survivor till we hit the towers where the last of the bandits were holed up.
A single door lay in our path, locked as far as we could tell, probably barred too if the bandits had a lick of sense with them. I could hear shouting coming from inside the tower as we took up positions around the door.
"Bull," Eve said. as we were ready.
Bull smiled and smashed down the door, charging through what resistance the bandits could put up. I slowed down time and stabbed more than a few of the highwaymen through the neck as the chaos of battle loomed around me. Mages lobbing spells, Warriors slashing and stabbing, Eve at the center of it all,
And, as time resumed, it was all over. Bandit bodies were strewn about the tower, blood covering everything. The fort was ours.
"Come on," Eve waved me over. "Let's check on Cole."
I followed her back down the fort as Bull and the others started the necessary task of looting the bodies. By the time we hit the bottom, just one mabari was left, whining as Cole gently stroked its head.
"He's sad," Cole said as he stood to face us. "His pack is dead and he's all alone."
"The dog isn't attacking me." I stated. "I don't get it, that shout should be temporary."
"Maybe the Shout changed it's bond?" Eve suggested. "I've heard tales of Mabari changing owners. That's what happened with the Hero of Ferelden I understand."
"He likes you," Cole said as the dog walked up to me and licked my leg. "He thinks you'll be a good master."
"Well," I said as I crouched down to scratch his ear. "I guess he thinks I'm his new master. Can I keep him? Pleeeeease?" I asked Eve.
"A mabari? Of course!" she said as she crouched down to face him. "You'll be a good dog right?"
He barked at that and wagged his tail. "Good boy," I smiled. "She's a friend. I'll show you the others too eh?"
He barked at that, and while I'm no dog expert, he certainly seemed happier now that I was around. "Okay, if I'm to be your new master, I've got to name you. What do you think of Dog?"
He growled at that name. "No? Not your type eh? What about… Barkspawn eh?" I said as stroked his chin. He barked and wagged his tail in response.
"Like the Hero of Ferelden's dog?" Eve asked.
"I didn't know," I shrugged. "Guess that name's taken boy." He whined back. "Oh I know, it's a genius name, and to one who's a great companion too…." I sighed.
"Wait. I've got it!" I said as I stood up at attention. "I dub thee Barky!" He woofed in response and circled around me happily. "Aww, shucks boy."
"Okay Barky," Eve said. "Will you follow my orders too? It'll be to protect the group just as well."
Barky paused for a bit, tilting his head in thought before barking in response. "I'm sure he means yes."
"That's a good boy," she said as she reached into her pack and brought out a bit of cheese. "Here's a treat for you boy!" she cooed as she tossed him a piece.
He woofed happily in response and gobbled it up. "You're full of surprises Vic," Eve said as she faced me. "Taming a mabari," she said shaking her head. "Well we best tell Harding. The other Inquisition soldiers can hold the fort till more reinforcements arrive."
I shook my head as I scratched Barky's ears. "Yeah, I'll go handle things with Barky here." I smiled.
"I'll take Bull and Blackwall and check on the dam," she said. "Stand watch here with the others till Harding gets back."
"Aye aye ma'am." I saluted as she walked off back towards the tower.
