King Arthur and the Round Table - a story known the world over. Written, re-written, and then some. In all versions, exists one character: Merlin. A cambion sired by an otherworldly lover upon his mother. Some say an incubus, some a devil. Perhaps even the devil.
In something adjacent to the Hellaverse, we get this. Meet the cast:
Charlie Morningstar: Lucifer's daughter, determined to redeem sinners and save her people. Daughter to Lucifer and Lilith, half-sister to Merlin - who has decided to play kingmaker once more. With Some Adult Supervision, what changes might occur?
Vaggie: Former exorcist, now happy partner to the princess of Hell. Enthusiastically supports the Hotel, less enthusiastically supports the stranger who has decided to 'help'.
Ambrose/Merlin Ambrosius: Having lived a life stranger than the fiction, he resides in Hell at the Queen's... forceful request. Of course, being stripped of his humanity left only what his father gave him - and made him a bit more than could be cowed. But neither could he go against his father, who was in the dark about the situation. Biding his time and living what life he could, he keeps Pentagram clear of the Worst of the Worst. And then he sees a commercial. Perhaps a bit of friendship and sparkle will coax this eternal youth out of his shell once more?
Cain: The platonic ideal of the bear community meets Stardew Valley. Irrepressible, guilt-stricken, and Not As Advertised by the forces of heaven. Also a massive pervert and swears like his father.
Alastor: On a certain someone's leash, and content to watch the carnage. Assuming certain promises are upheld, of course.
Lucifer: Now with additional Absent Dad Angst, Edenbowl, and Siblings.
Everyone Else: Is forced to adapt to the new situation. Except Niffty. She's doing just fine.
Hahaha I have no idea what I'm doing but this is at least fun to write. Please don't take any of it seriously. I do have some backlog, and will post while maintaining it.
BLINK IS AT IT AGAIN WITH HIS LATEST HYPERFIXATION. Let's see if I finish this one. For the record, I am not going past season one and intend to make this self-contained.
__________________________________________________________________________________
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar! Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands!"
"Hm." I trailed a finger through the air, causing the bank of TVs to dissolve into static. The image was location enough. The hill outside Pentagram held that decrepit shell of a building, for all it was slightly prettied up. Well within a 'letter over spirit' offer of help.
With a spring in my step, I began to walk. I honestly hadn't put much stock in their daughter, but this was different. A move to change Hell? That was worth looking into. Whether it meant ascension to Heaven or simply a reduction in the general misery of the place… either way it was worth nudging along. I'd make my decision once I'd met the girl.
It was one thing to hate or fear her parents, but again- I didn't put much stock in her. Neither good nor ill. This? This was something I could work with.
"Well, well Charlie. Your mother gone seven long years and your father nowhere to be seen. Will you be the girl who becomes queen?"
The landscape, brutalized after the most recent extermination, was a blur as I moved unimpeded. No one saw me. I wished to be unseen. No one heard me. I cultivated silence.
I idly took note of the princess dancing past, belting out joyfully. "It's gonna be a happy day in Hell!"
Naive. Enthusiastic. Sheltered, unless I missed my mark.
And I wondered: was he, as a boy? So many thought we met when I was old and he was new, but- Would it have been different, were that the case?
And soon, I was there. I was at the door. It towered, ready for someone many times my height. The handle was still easily low enough to reach. I raised my hand, and gave a single knock.
I waited.
____________________________________________________________________________
"Ay, carajo." Vaggie stalked to the door, eye narrowed in frustration. Against all sense, she hoped it was at least a sinner looking to con them into a room - it would be a starting point, and if nothing else that would make Charlie happy. …nothing else had gone right, yet.
She took a deep breath, and schooled her face into neutrality. Her smiles were for Charlie, or maybe someone who made it worth her time. The sinners ranged from sympathetic to annoying to unbearable, and Charlie was the only person who made her feel seen.
(Even when she was such a liar.)
So she opened the door.
"Salutations, young one! Have I come at a poor hour?"
And knew immediate regret.
He stood nearly of a height with Alastor, clad in a pink suit. It was so pale it could have been stitched from the petals of a faint spring flower, or stained with the thinnest coat of blood. Beneath was a white shirt, and a bold crimson tie. His shoes were the same bright red, shining and pointed at the toe. His skin pale in a way she had only seen once in Hell, his hair gold like the rays of a sun she had almost forgot. He wore a small, close-mouthed smile that peeked through a neatly-trimmed beard. In his red-gloved hands he carried a cane of brown, gnarled wood - topped with crystals that seemed to filter the very light that touched them.
But all of this was forgettable in comparison to two aspects. First, his eyes - the solid gold of a hawk, with a fathomless pool of ink in their centers.
The second? His wings, banded more than any exorcist until they looked like a falcon's.
"Ah, the Extermination! Yes, quite over for the year, no fear my dear. My appearance can be quite unsettling but rest assured- you are not the first to mistake me for one of them." His eyes bored into her soul.
"R-right." Vaggie snatched back her composure. She didn't cower in front of Alastor, and even if this guy was three times the force Adam was (because he was full of shit) she was this place's guardian. "How can I help you?"
His lips quirked in visible approval. "Stern stuff. Loyal, firm. Yes, you I like. A good influence on our dear princess." The strange 'demon' cleared his throat. "Though if she's going to tangle with that lot, you might want to tell her- I don't doubt they'll use any secrets against you." He made quick 'x' over his eye.
She narrowed her eye in response.
"You may address me as Ambrose. Charmed, I'm sure!" He gave a pointed smile. "I happened to see an advert regarding redemption?"
Well. He hadn't done mu- wait.
"Tell her what?" Vaggie hissed, leaning forward. She didn't notice anyone behind her, likely caught up in their own business or waiting to shoot the new commercial.
"Why, that you're like me! A victim of such impressions. It is best to cut off such misunderstandings at the root, before they can flower into poison. How you do so is up to you, but I always found my terms to be the best ones for unfortunate realities to play out." Ambrose's smile softened. "You are her beloved, no?"
Vaggie stared at him. He kept smiling, but unlike Alastor it lacked active malice. She straightened her shoulders once more. "Right. What about the commercial?"
"Well, the 'semi-functional staff' seemed hardly adequate, and your master of ceremonies was less than ceremonious." Ambrose's smile turned wry. "It seemed poorly complimentary to the work of changing the very ecosystem of this cesspool. Quite ambitious, I'll admit. Admirable, one might even say. Buuuut."
"But?" Vaggie raised an eyebrow.
"But one must account for failure, and given things as they are there simply isn't time for a proper proof of concept. If the young lady can convince these hooligans to behave, this town might at least become bearable for those like you and me- we who had less a part in our tenure, deserved or otherwise. And if ascension proper is possible? Well. That is a promise made before, to varying fulfillment. I'd quite like to see it made real, whether for myself or not." Ambrose bared his teeth. "So! I am here to offer my not inconsiderable aid and experience!"
In other words: you can't do- Wait. Wait.
"You think it's possible?" Vaggie stared at Ambrose, letting surprise through a third time.
"Don't you?"
"It's worth trying." Vaggie grit her teeth and stared at the winged 'demon'.
And he simply laid a finger aside his nose, giving a conspiratorial wink.
She let out a breath she didn't know she had held. "Okay. Come on in." She turned around. "We'll get you set up. I'm trying to record a new commercial-"
"I am a man of myriad talents. Illusion is far from the least of these, so give me blank tape and I will forge you a miracle."
Vaggie let a smile cross her face. "Can you do it with my input?"
"To a detail. I'm quite skilled at listening, looking, and reading between the lines!" Ambrose's cheer seemed to brighten the dour foyer against all odds.
Angel and Husk looked from the bar in surprise.
"Who's Mister Fancy-Pants?" the spider drawled.
"Ambrose! And you're the star in residence, no? An honor to meet a fellow man of masks, truly." Ambrose swept past Vaggie, glancing at her. "And Husk! Quite different from our last encounter."
The cat gave Ambrose a side-eye, then jerked back. "Fuckin' hell. You let him in here?" He snarled, pointing at the pink-clad 'demon'. "You lied to me!"
"I said that your next pot might win it all. I also said you were better off sitting it out." Ambrose gave a lackadaisical wave. "Cue line."
"The good man had a point, Husker! But then our friendship might never have bloomed so beautifully." Alastor flowed out of the shadows, large smile fixed in place. His eyes were narrowed. "But yes, Hell's most infamous 'secret' information broker. Commonly known amongst Overlords, but few others. What exactly is your purpose here, friend?"
Vaggie stilled. Had she made a catastrophic error in judgment?
"Oh you know me so well, Alastor. Well enough you ignored information you paid such a price for, too!" Ambrose flicked his fingers carelessly at the Overlord, devoid of fear. "As for my plans? I want to see the princess become a queen in her own right. If it causes utter upheaval and allows me to tend the garden more easily? All the better. The best to Heaven, the worst to the soil. And everyone else breathes easier."
Alastor bristled, but didn't make a move. "And now that you are here?"
Ambrose flounced onto a stool next to Angel, eyes finally on Alastor. "Why, I'm going to get to know each and every one of my new housemates. Perhaps I'll make problems go away. I may even cause them! But regardless, the first step to healing is confronting wounds we would rather ignore." He flashed another smile at Vaggie. "After all, how can one solve a problem unacknowledged?"
"Hell is functioning as intended, Ambrose. I cannot understand why you would indulge in the princess' flight of fancy! A gentleman of your caliber, honestly." Alastor leaned on his microphone-cane, posture elegant yet relaxed.
"Naturally you wouldn't." The 'demon' looked at Husk. "Anything sweet back there, Husk?"
The winged cat's ears lifted slightly, even if his scowl remained. Vaggie took note of his choice of address and body language. "Might have some rum or wine."
"More sugar than polish remover, and I'll be content." Ambrose flashed a smile at Angel next.
The spider raised an eyebrow and leaned on the counter. "See somethin' you like, handsome?" He crossed his arms under his chest fluff suggestively.
"Hm. More than not, I suppose. Still-" He went quiet, annoyance causing his lips to purse as Alastor gripped his shoulder.
"Ambrose, I must insist-"
Vaggie stormed forward. "RIGHT. You!" She aimed her spear at Ambrose. "You said you were willing to work on the commercial?"
Alastor's eyes went wide. "My dear, be very careful."
Ambrose moved away smoothly, letting Alastor's hand fall. "Too right, too right! Miss Vaggie, shall we adjourn? I'll work a lovely little spell on your behalf."
As Ambrose ushered her away, what stuck with Vaggie the most wasn't Angel's disquiet, or Husk's thoughtful frown.
I smiled as Vaggie sketched me an image of a place of rest and recovery, of hope and healing. It wouldn't draw any but the most desperate, but I rather thought those would be the best candidates. Angel wasn't there, not yet.
But any of Valentino's would have been a lovely starting point. Good eye, little Charlie. Very good eye.
I wove song and sight and sound and sensation into a symphony. Rather than let it out, I pushed it into the blank tape Vaggie provided. Images appeared one by one, and the echoes bound into the film.
To the naked eye, it looked like I stuck a ball of light into a camera.
"That's it?" Vaggie gave me a dubious look.
I sighed. "Watch it, why don't you?" I glanced over the arm of the chair in the sitting room- directly into a single red eye.
"Niffty dear! Lovely as always." I gave a mocking half-bow in my seat.
The little gremlin giggled. "Ambrose! I didn't think we'd see you again! Not after last time."
"Last time?" Vaggie asked, eye on the film and an earbud in her ear. She seemed mollified.
"Well, we parted on poor terms. I told Alastor something he didn't want to hear, and he reacted poorly. Combat is something I excel at, but I saw no need to deal with him directly." I smiled at Niffty. "Did I?"
"Nope! You went 'poof', like a shower of flowers!" Niffty giggled again. "Ohh, it was really sad. You were a lot of fun!" She tilted her head. "So why're you here?"
I pointed at Vaggie. "Helping."
"Helping? For what?" Niffty folded her arms.
"Reasons of which reason knows not." I propped my legs up on the couch.
"This… this works. This is great." Vaggie stared at me.
"I am a man of many talents! I contain multitudes. Now, fixing this place up is a touch beyond me. At least in a short time frame- if I am allowed to work my ways in every nook and cranny, I might actually get this shell to proper code. Earth-code, at least." I gave a thoughtful frown. "One wonders if Hell has an equivalent?"
Vaggie clapped the camera shut. "Doubt it." She leaned back on the couch. "...what's the catch?"
I leaned back. "Niffty, can you see if Husk has my drink yet, dear?"
"Mmkay! Be right back!" And she scuttled off.
I turned my full attention to Vaggie. "Truthfully, I never thought much of Charlie. Not ill or well, nothing at all. She simply did not factor into my day to day! But that commercial was the first I saw of her in a century or two, and I was intrigued." I folded my hands. "I am here to help because it is what I do. I have moved pieces around, made things more bearable on the ground floor. Overlords I twist and manipulate, though not always with success. Sometimes there is more resilience than I can account for, sometimes they are cleverer than I think. And sometimes there is a bulwark against which subtlety fails."
Vaggie frowned, camera in her lap. "Like?"
"The Vees. Hardly my design. Now, the stage is set for them to clash with your little hotel - Angel belongs to the flesh-trader, and Alastor stands against their mindbender in eternal enmity. If I can slide some steel into your lover's spine, I might yet see the back of their distasteful little empire." I frowned. "Had I known she'd shore them up so nicely, I would have prioritized Velvette over Reagan. Alas, the lesser evil turned greater through the power of friendship."
"Prioritized… wait. A lot of people, and I mean a lot, never made the splash in Hell I thought they would. Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot-" Vaggie pointed at me.
"Hullo!" I waved my hands gleefully, cane in my lap. "Yes, a bit hands on compared to what I did aboveground, but necessary work. Alas, lonely work as well. Tending this foul garden is ever so thankless." I gave a dramatic sigh.
"...as bad as Pride is, it could be a lot worse," she admitted. "Carmine is good to her people, I hear. And Zestial-"
"I do consider those two coworkers and something like friends. Zestial in particular. He's a canny old ghost, but so long as his minions toe the company line they are adequately compensated." I inspected my nails through my gloves. "Alastor and I have differences of opinion. He is a serial killer and cannibal, but his preferred targets are those who tend to deserve it. Of course, he's an equal opportunity sadist when it comes to discomfort and simple misery, but it takes a certain level of gall to properly provoke his ire."
"Good to know. So what do you get out of all this? Why go this far?" The former murderess stared me down.
"Simple. Petty vengeance. I despise the queen. By insinuating myself in an active role in her daughter's life, I have a chance to forge her into a firm, just ruler. A force for true good." I smiled. "After all, my deeds did not speak for themselves. My soul was never weighed. No, I was caught off guard and invited here by Her Majesty. Forcefully. And once here, despite being her superior in strength, I never had the opportunity to repay her - not without drawing her husband's ire."
"So you want to use Charlie." Vaggie sat upright.
"As does Alastor. He's in quite the pickle, and a strengthened Charlotte Morningstar is the key to his solutions. At least I am honest about my desires." I raised a finger. "But."
"But?" Vaggie narrowed her eye.
"Charlie is not what I expected. She has genuine care for people. That is something rare and more precious than gold in these wastes." I closed my eyes. "It should be nurtured and protected. Guidance given so she does not burn or break. Yes, despite my years it is a rare and fortuitous moment I find those worth giving a damn about." I opened them, and smiled. "And now I have found two. Alastor's little prank, churlish as it was, was a sign of fortune for me."
Vaggie slowly pointed at herself.
"Yes. For the life of a child, you threw everything away. Unlike the others, you are worth saving." I held out my hand. "Thus why I believe you should bare your sins and salvation to your lover. She will take it best from your lips, rather than the base ape from which all humanity grew."
"...he'd hate it if you called him that." Vaggie's lips twitched. She still looked at me, seeing something I'd rather she not. The resemblance to my father was uncomfortable, despite never having really met him.
"That monkey believes that as the original he is to be revered. Despite embodying every sin in full flush, that he deserves his station. Nevermind that the prototype, the alpha copy, is always riddled with flaws that are polished through refinement and time." I twiddled my fingers. "Honestly, your saccharine spider is more affable and sociable by far."
Vaggie's stern visage cracked into a smile, if only for a moment. "Fine. I still don't trust you."
"Then I shall let my actions speak, if my words go unheard." I shrugged. "If we hurry, we can set the commercial to broadcast when Charlie returns. And after I shall make my introduction."
She clutched the camera tighter. "Right. I'll go get it set up." She stood, just in time for Niffty to come back with my drink.
"Darling, you are a treasure," I crooned, tilting the glass to my lips. The bitter burning gave me pause. "Vodka? Husk, you vindictive shit."
____________________________________________________________________________
Charlie walked back in, thoughts whirling. Six months. Six months, what was she supposed to-
"Charlie! Babe, c'mon, it's about to air." Vaggie smiled at her, taking her hand in hers.
"Look Vaggie, I- wait, air? The commercial? You got it?" Charlie's eyes widened.
"C'mon, the new guy helped. Looks like Alastor's fuckup got at least one good thing."
Charlie followed her partner with wide eyes.
Angel leaned against the couch while Niffty perched on the ottoman. Alastor sat in his chair, enigmatic smile in place. Husk sat on one couch corner, and Charlie sat between him and Vaggie. In the remaining chair-
He was taller, hair darker. The wings were different. But in so many ways, he looked like her father. The man in pink and crimson sipped at a teacup.
"Alastor pulled some strings and got it on air," Vaggie explained, "and Ambrose put it together." She jerked her thumb at the stranger.
"Pulled some limbs too!" Alastor chortled. "And I'll vouch for Ambrose. He's an odd duck down here, borderline philanthropic depending on the client. But his work is always what he promises. Just be careful to pay attention to what's on offer." Alastor's grin sharpened.
The teacup hit a saucer. "Princess Charlie. Nephilim, Lilim. An unmatched pleasure." The man smiled in a way that reminded her of a time when she was small, and an image of golden birds. His eyes were something like her father's, but the pupil was black instead of red. "I hadn't thought we'd have much in common, or I would have made your acquaintance far sooner. Truly a rara avis."
A 'rare bird'. Said by the man with falcon wings. Charlie wasn't sure if that was good or not.
"Shh! It's on!"
"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel-" Vaggie began, only for the commercial to cut off.
"Aw, fu-" Charlie began, only to still as Channel 666 played the news she had held onto.
The room went quiet as Katie Killjoy explained, in no uncertain terms, how they were irrevocably fucked.
"Well! That's unpleasant!" Alastor's narrowed eyes turned to Charlie.
"Hush, fawn." Ambrose's voice turned icy. "This level of deviance from order wouldn't have been brought on by a plea for aid or forbearance and you know it. They're covering up something that a more immediate reprisal would unearth."
Charlie looked at the man, fingers steepled over the cup and saucer in his lap. His lips were bitten, brow furrowed.
"I vaguely recall telling you not to call me that," Alastor rebuked airily.
"And you recall what happened after?"
Alastor went still. "Vaguely."
"Let's not quarrel, Alastor. It's unbecoming of men of our station." Ambrose's smile was frosty.
"Mm, true! Time better spent running this establishment as effectively as only we can- only for it to-"
Ambrose arched his brow. "Provide tangible results we can browbeat those in charge of the exorcists with? Why, that was exactly what I was thinking!" His smile was like a raptor's beak parting in a parody of a grin.
"Oh, to live in a state of permanent delusion."
"I'd say it's called hope, but as you decidedly have none I won't bother."
"Haha! Oh my friend, never change."
Ambrose gave Charlie a look that screamed 'really? This guy?' It was more intimate than she expected from a stranger. Friendly, almost… familial.
She must have been missing her mother more than she thought.
"So wait, you really think this can work?" Angel gave the (not an angel) a dubious look.
"Simply because it has not been done yet does not make it impossible. And I am quite skilled at peeling the world back to force its secrets forth." Ambrose held out a hand, palm upwards.
"You keep telling yourself that, motherfucker." Husk slid off the couch and onto the floor. "How much of the footage we did made it in?"
"It made a lovely base. You've quite the voice when it isn't slinging abuse, gorgeous." Ambrose winked.
Husk bristled.
"Fret not! I simply portrayed you at your least irritated, nothing untrue."
His hackles lowered. "Fuck you, Ambrose." He shuffled off.
Charlie slumped. "Uggggh. Today sucked!" She threw her hands up.
"Oh, hardly. Vaggie, that thing I asked you to handle should best wait till the morning, however. Fresh face and all that."
Vaggie glared over Charlie towards Ambrose. "I'll consider it."
"Good, good. All I ask." Ambrose sipped his tea. "Hot toddy, dear? You look wretched."
"Mmmaybe. Ugh, Adam was awful!" She threw her hands up. "He wasted my time, ate ribs in front of me, wouldn't shut up about all these angel women he pestered into sleeping with him-"
"The man is the seven sins incarnate. Were he not the first, he would be here with us. Affable if appeased, otherwise a sheer nuisance." Ambrose frowned, tapping his cup. "Though not without redeeming factors. The man did love his sons, and one wonders how much of his behavior is due to how that panned out."
"How did it?" Charlie asked, curious.
"The younger was favored by both Adam and Heaven. The elder took it poorly. The first sinner was your mother, but the first murder was a fratricide. Mitigating details exist, but those are the short notes." Ambrose took another sip.
"...okay, him hating sinners might have a bit of an explanation," Charlie whispered.
"Hardly an excuse. Setting aside Cain is alive and well, if well-hidden - it does no good to tar all with the same brush. Abel should also be in Heaven, naturally."
"What." Vaggie leaned over Charlie, eye wide.
"In terms of raw power, there is Lucifer. Beneath him are four. Lilith, Cain, and two in this room. Young Charlie and myself." Ambrose smirked. "Though my intelligence tells me that the princess neglected her combat training."
Charlie groaned. "But it's so meannnn! I don't want to hurt anyone." She looked at Ambrose.
The pity there scalded her. "Atimes my dear, ruthlessness is a mercy upon ourselves. Not all foes fall to diplomacy and kindness. I fear that day is coming closer to you than either of us would like. One only hopes I might be able to share that burden."
"Aha, I must ask- what do you mean, you are on par with Cain and the Queen?" Alastor stood up.
"You know who I am Alastor. All names and titles gone, who and what I am. That was one thing you asked of me." Ambrose stared him down.
Alastor rubbed his cane. "So I did. So the variant of your tale-"
"The truth is what brings me here."
Alastor's eyes widened. "Good golly. That'll be a fun twist for everyone else!" He laughed, good cheer restored.
"Anticipate it, o' merry sadist." Ambrose reclined once more.
"...anyone else feel like somethin' real obvious just didn't get said?" Angel asked.
"Uh…" Charlie trailed off.
"You two fuckin'?"
"HA."
"I prefer a man with some dental hygiene, sweetheart. Maybe if he learned what a tube of toothpaste looked like."
She closed her eyes as Vaggie stroked her hair.
This was your plan, Charlie. Be strong for Mother.
Still waiting for an update to the pokemon one, that one was really fun, and the BG3 one was not bad at all. I am not even going to comment about the FGO one.
That said, this was a great introductory episode.....i really hope Vaggie listens to Ambrose
Charlie Morningstar: Lucifer's daughter, determined to redeem sinners and save her people. Daughter to Lucifer and Lilith, half-sister to Merlin - who has decided to play kingmaker once more. With Some Adult Supervision, what changes might occur?
Since when did Merlin count as an adult, responsible or otherwise?
Vaggie: Former exorcist, now happy partner to the princess of Hell. Enthusiastically supports the Hotel, less enthusiastically supports the stranger who has decided to 'help'.
Charlie: How did you miss having another child, dad?!?
Asmodeus: To be fair little C he's a got a good reason. All the Sins were kind of out of it for that century.
Vaggie: How could you all be 'out of it' for a hundred years and change?
Mammon: When we make the ****ing mistake of trying an experimental cocktail that both Beelzebub and Belphegor worked on.
Assuming Vaggie comes clean and defuses that bomb, I can see this being one of the upcoming drama sources insteqad. Charlie idolizes her mother to varying degrees and finding out she pulled this sort of thing will hit hard.
Chapter two! I'll be able to devote more time to writing and maybe playing other games now that the latest FGO lotto is over. I've already started chapter 5, so progress?
Posting this a little earlier than planned to celebrate getting a promotion at work.
I slowly made my way downstairs, rubbing my eyes. The racket outside was mind-numbing.
"I still have breakfast!" Niffty called, skittering around.
"At the bar?" I asked.
"'Kay!"
My lips twitched at the utterance, despite it not- well. I looked at the new hole in the wall, and saw Alastor's tentacles sprouting from the ground to grapple something in the air.
"He has it handled, then."
"Same as he did last week," Husk muttered. He eyed me as I took a seat. "What's your real angle? You might be nice to morons down on their luck, but that don't apply to anyone here."
I prepared tea with a few flicks of my fingers, hands safely ensconced in my gloves. The scalding liquid flowed from pot to cup in a flawless stream. "Is it so hard to believe I want to see Charlie do good in a world so direly disposed to evil?" I looked at Husk. "You were there too. Niffty either doesn't understand or is too mad to care."
"Not my business." Husk tipped a bottle of amber into my tea for a split second.
I took a sip. Bracing, with an edge of sweetness beyond the burn. "Hm."
"Mead. Managed to find it under the counter." He gave me a cool look.
"Appreciated. More than the vodka." I gave him a knowing smile.
He smirked back for a moment. Then looked away. "I ain't gonna pretend we're good."
"Well, as long as I'm here I can figure out a way to make it up to you." I tilted my head to hear better.
"And thank you- for letting your guard down! Haha! SHIT."
An elk's bugle preceded the explosion.
"Managed to piss him off." Husk was tense.
I looked at him. "If I did contracts, I would purchase yours. The best I can do is get him to relinquish it to Charlie for an equitable price."
"Still don't know how you got all that power you claim without it." Husk scrubbed the bar roughly, not acknowledging my offer. He still had his pride.
"Same way as Cain. By being too ornery to die and having a severe metaphysical leg up." I smirked. "And being too hard to pin down during the most wonderful time of the year."
"Think he'll come?" Husk met my eyes again. He and I had enough history that we shared a few things Alastor did not.
This was one of them.
"Possibly. The first family was rather dysfunctional, and he clearly regrets his crime. Not to mention it was his sole one before landing here, where he only killed those who threatened him."
"And you… uh…" Husk flicked his eyes up and down.
"Our partnership is… in question. I'd prefer not to speak on the matter unless it becomes relevant." My tone was clipped. "It is… different from with my king."
I hadn't called him in three days. It was only a matter of time before he tracked me down.
"From what you told me about that guy, you deserved better. And I'm saying that." Husk's eyebrows rose.
I clutched my cup. "It was a different time. We loved each other, but he had expectations upon him to fulfill. In a just world, I would have joined him in Heaven after a long, full life. Instead, thanks to the Queen, we got what we got." I frowned.
"Uh huh. So your plans for the princess…?"
"No. Decidedly not the same." I flinched in revulsion. "Please never suggest it again."
"Got it." Husk smirked. "You gonna tell her?"
"Perhaps I intend to use it as ammunition against her father, supposing he turns out to be hostile to me. Or maybe I mean to tell her tomorrow, before Alastor changes his mind. Who can say?"
"...dunno how that'll go over. Depends on how you do it." Husk scowled. "Alastor schemes, but you got a good track record of gettin' cake and wolfin' it down."
"The difference between a desperate deer and an apex predator, handsome." I smiled.
Husk rolled his eyes. "Not you too."
"Yes your physical form is unconventional, but I would happily listen to you read the phone book with my head in your lap." I shrugged.
"…better than that one's constant come-ons." Husk squinted and pointed at me. "Still not happenin' though."
"Mm. May I still flirt if I keep it tasteful?"
Husk snorted. "Won't stop you. I can always enjoy a good ego stroke."
"Food! UMPH." Niffty shoved the plate up next to me.
"Lovely, dear. Go have fun." I spun a wisp of power into a tennis racket with a button on the handle. I handed the weapon to her.
Curiously she pressed the button, and the webbing sparked with enough electricity to tase a bull elephant. "OOOOH. Thanks, Ambrose!" she cheered, dashing after fleeing roaches. The sounds of popping exoskeletons began to echo.
"She's adorable, in a psychopathic way," I observed.
"Hmph. You don't even wanna know her deal," Husk muttered.
Our eyes met, and we chuckled. It was hardly a bridge mended, but a truce nonetheless.
____________________________________________________________________________
"Charlie! It seems our specter in residence has gone walkabouts?"
Vaggie gave her a flat look, and Charlie shrugged helplessly. Ambrose hadn't started any trouble since moving in, but things seemed to be moving along regardless.
"Welll his coat got ripped so he took a trip to the tailor!" Charlie gestured at the air as she turned to face Ambrose.
"Goodness. How could he tell, the raggedy prick?" Ambrose gave an expression of faux surprise. "I'm still put out that Angel Dust thought I'd suffer his attentions. Eugh."
"Is there something you want, Ambrose?" Vaggie crossed her arms and began to tap her foot.
"Yes, actually. Your goals are clear, but methods less so. What do you define 'redemption' as? An admission of guilt? Betterment of the self? Understanding? Healing? And how do you intend to achieve this?" Ambrose planted both hands on his cane and leaned forward.
Charlie and Vaggie slowly looked at each other.
Ambrose tapped the crystals jutting out of his cane topper.
They looked back.
"Right! So we're going to work on vulnerability, discussing our feelings, trusting, and being kinder!" Charlie clapped her hands together.
Ambrose gave a slow blink. "I see. And how do you expect to address the deep-seated traumas of your patients?"
"The what now." Charlie's smile froze.
Ambrose continued to stare. "You don't truly think that sinners sin because that's just how they are, do you? Nothing exists in a vacuum. Those that make it to heaven are the privileged or truly determined. Those who simply exist in the lower echelons of society are far more likely to do what they must to survive, or cope with the monstrous uncaring existence into which they are thrust."
"Uh." Vaggie leaned back.
"Happy people do not come to Hell. Whether it be because they clawed to the top of the social strata and indulge in hedonistic aristocracy or political games, or they clung to life by any means necessary - genuine joy is at a premium down here." Ambrose tilted his head. "Honestly Charlie, you may be one of the few fleeting examples I can recall since my arrival."
"Okay. Angel seems pretty happy, though." Vaggie raised an eyebrow.
"Seems is doing quite the lift in that sentence. Like Atlas." Ambrose's eyes seemed to peer through them.
"Well Mr. Information-Broker, some of us don't have all-seeing eyes!" Vaggie threw her hands up.
"They're not all-seeing!" Ambrose placed a hand on his chest.
Charlie peered at the birdlike eyes in question, wondering how true that was.
"Depending on concentrations of mystical energy, I can only get vague impressions. For example, Lucifer's palace is nigh impenetrable. The only knowledge I have of the man comes from one who met him in my living days, and my encounters with the Queen."
"You met Mom?" Charlie perked up. "Do you have any idea where she went?"
Ambrose went still. Statues had more movement. He was an image of stained porcelain, eyes blazing with inner sunlight. "Charlie."
Vaggie stepped in front of her.
"Without putting too fine a point on it: were it not for your mother I would be in Heaven right now, with people who made my life worth living. You are a genuinely good and kind person, Princess Morningstar."
Small pale petals began to flutter from above. The air stirred, as though ready to tear asunder. It was beautiful. A fragile peace, calm before a storm. Alien to Hell.
"I would like to think that someday soon we could be friends. Your mother and I never will be." Ambrose closed his gleaming eyes. He took a deep breath, and let it out in a hiss.
"...oh." Charlie crossed her arms. "I'm sorry."
Ambrose made a sharp gesture. "It is not remotely your fault. Though some simpletons may blame the child for the sins of the parent, I am not one of them."
"So to get back to the point: you're clairvoyant." Vaggie quickly rerouted the conversation, and Charlie felt gratitude swell in her chest.
"Quite!" Ambrose chirped, playing into it. "I am an illusionist, soothsayer, shapeshifter, magus, and middling swordfighter." He paused. "Among other things as of late, but details!"
"Woooould one of those things be an angel?" Charlie asked hopefully.
Ambrose's eyebrows shot up. "What an idea! Why, if I were an angel I'd hardly have a sterling reputation down here, let alone able to do any business."
Charlie looked at Vaggie, immediately taken back to their room not hours ago.
Charlie… I did things I'm not proud of. But I don't regret getting that kid out of there. And even if it hurt like, well, Hell, you made up for it. I might not be super patient with everything, but you make me happy. And I don't want to risk my old comrades getting smart and trying to play us against each other. I don't think I want to go public about this for obvious reasons, but you know. And that's what matters.
Vaggie… thank you for trusting me with this. I'm sorry it took you this long to feel comfortable enough to bring it up, and that you felt like you had no other choice, but I will always be grateful you're here. You said- you said Ambrose said you should?
"Yeah, it's the wing thing." Charlie smiled. "Buuuut if you were, you know. It'd be okay."
Ambrose chuckled. "I shall keep that in mind." His smile faltered. "Admittedly, I do not know the Queen's whereabouts. Wherever she is, it is beyond my gaze. Given I can peer into the other rings, this bodes ill."
"Or maybe she knows you'd kick her ass if you had a chance and doesn't want a fight." Vaggie's expression was unimpressed.
"Well, yes. But that's changed!" Ambrose gave a bright, sunny smile.
"It has?" Charlie asked, hope rising once more.
"Of course! Why, since we've begun to hit it off, inflicting physical harm to her is quite infeasible, if only because it would bring you sorrow. No, my vengeance will be simpler: with you at my side, I shall emotionally extort her for an explanation of my circumstances."
Charlie blinked.
"I'm going to hide behind you while you demand her to explain herself and apologize."
"...huh." Charlie thought about it. "Okay, sure!"
"So your plan to punish Lilith is to get her daughter to give her big sad eyes." Vaggie still seemed unconvinced.
"The woman who so despises control she fled her first husband, and essentially ran Hell while her second husband the king functioned as a recluse? Forced into divulging her intrigues under emotional duress?" Ambrose's smile turned sly. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled."
Charlie glanced at Vaggie. "This now sounds like a much less good idea." Vaggie gave a solemn nod in response.
"Eh. We can workshop it. I am open to constructive criticism." Ambrose shrugged.
____________________________________________________________________________
People were simultaneously easy and difficult. The easy part was understanding them.
A glance at Vaggie, and her regret over the Exterminations and pain from her exile (where she lost her eye and had wings amputated) rolled across her like images on a screen. So too did her love for Charlie and capacity for good. Though not without a healthy (necessary) dose of caution in regards to Hell.
Angel Dust's bravado took the form of hypersexualization and exaggerated vanity. Beneath was a swirling vortex of fear, pain, self-loathing, and a young(?) man teetering on the edge of despair. He grasped at the shreds of control he could. When Husk saw beneath the edge of the mask, Angel fought back by becoming the aggressor.
Charlie was the last of the new ones, and what I glimpsed through Alastor's little jape solidified. Sweet, kind, sheltered. Wanting to see the best in everyone. She was born into privilege, so her experience was somewhat divorced from the common person of Hell. There was some pettiness, some anger- but no more than any other person. The 'Helsa' I glimpsed was certainly deserving of it. Likewise Adam's little musical number would have earned my own ire.
I paused at the bottom of the stair, lost in thought.
Charlie's impression of Lucifer was… different. What I saw from Lilith was the playful trickster, the proud king who planned to raise Hell up. But as had been pointed out, she herself was capable of illusions- she might not be able to hide in front of me, but she could choose what I saw. My own mother saw him as the gorgeous stranger that saddled her with. Me.
He was a father to Charlie. Loving, distant. But as I was able to play third party and view from the outside… he seemed almost awkward. Desiring to connect, yearning to protect and cherish. Unable.
…if I was going to understand this, I would need to lure him out. Eventually, Charlie would need a level of help Alastor or I couldn't safely provide. Then-
"And this is Ambrose! He moved in yesterday, and kind of creeps everyone out! He's neat!"
I blinked.
One Charlie. One Vaggie. One snake with too many eyes, including on his top hat. Cobra-based, I think.
"Ambrose, this is Sir Pentious! He's our first real guest!" Charlie clapped excitedly.
I raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that Angel Dust?"
Pentious gave a sheepish smile as I scrutinized him.
"Our first guest interested in self-improvement," Vaggie drawled, apparently unconvinced.
I just need to plant the cameras like Mr. Vox said, and then the Vees will recognize me! My genius, my prowess, my value-
I gave an insincere smile. "Of course. Though, praising one patient at the expense of the other may cause relapses and backsliding. Not to mention emotional distress."
Charlie's smile froze. "Um."
I looked at Angel where he scowled into his drink. He met my eyes and immediately flipped me off.
This shouldn't bother me. It doesn't. I'm good. It's not like redemption's any less shit than it was before.
I looked back. "Hm. Much to consider." I looked at Pentious. "Well. Sal. U. Tations." I grinned. "I'm certain you'll have a lovely stay at our happy little hotel."
"Oh he isss very creepy." Sir Pentious leaned back with a frightened grin.
I leaned down, maintaining eye contact, and scooped the cyclopean cat into my arms. Slowly, I stroked it from head to tail, continuing to smile at Pentious.
Is this safe??? Mr. Vox, who is he??? Is he going to wear my skin!?
"Do you moisturize?" I asked innocently.
Pentious' eyes bugged out and he leapt into the air with a shriek. "You'll never flay me alive!"
Charlie, Vaggie and I looked as the snakelike sinner twined around the chandelier.
"...do I want to know." Vaggie's tone indicated it wasn't a question.
"MMMnope."
"Ambrose, please don't traumatize our guests." Charlie gave me a pleading look.
"Can make little a trauma? As a treat?" I used my hand not cradling the cat to hold a small space between thumb and finger.
"No." Vaggie's eye nearly gleamed with the promise of violence.
"Alright. There's less harmful methods of friendly torment anyway." I shrugged. "Also, kitty." I resumed petting.
"KeeKee's a sweetheart," Charlie cooed, rubbing the cat.
The two little bapho-goats flit by, bleating.
"Erm… can ssssomeone… help me down?" Pentious called in a weak voice. "I think I am sstuck."
"I shall pay penance by granting aid." I gave a solemn nod. I set Keekee down on the floor, and she pattered away blithely.
Vaggie folded her arms. "This I have to see."
"Oh, he's more than capable. Observe!" Alastor clasped his hands together, malice gleaming in his eyes.
"I'll be a bit gentle for Charlie's sake," I remarked aloud. And I raised my hand, my cane blooming into my grasp. "And… down."
I aimed the crystals, and they glowed softly. Pentious vanished in a scattering of petals, and reappeared on the ground below.
Alastor's eyelids slid nearly shut. "Well that was anticlimactic."
"Thank you, Ambrose! Uh, what were you expecting?" She glanced at Alastor.
His grin simply widened to show near every tooth in his head.
"Thank you, kind sssir! I am in your debt!" Pentious gave a sweeping bow.
He's insane! Maybe if I kiss ass hard enough he'll let me live!
"Anything's possible," I remarked aloud.
He can read minds! Shit!
I drew back and feigned shock. "No I can't! You're just visibly panicking and it's your body language."
Pentious went stock still. His eyes darted to and fro. Am I safe yet?
"Mmmmaybe."
"Ambrose! Quit fuckin' with the spineless shit and I'll pour ya some irish cream I found." Husk tilted a bottle at me.
I winked at a despairing Charlie and strode over to Husk. "Ah, my angel of alcohol. Whatever would I do if not for your tender attentions?"
"Go dry." He shoved a glass at me with a flat stare.
"A fate worse than death, truly."
Husk's lip twitched. "Won't argue that." He raised his bottle and began to chug.
Charlie gently herded Pentious upstairs to find a room alongside Vaggie, and I turned my attention elsewhere.
Angel stared at his phone, expression carefully neutral.
Shit. Val's been textin' like there's no tomorrow. And all these messages… how much is pushin' my luck? I gotta go back, but how soon?
"Out of morbid curiosity… do you trust Charlie's intentions?" I asked after a moment.
Husk went stock-still, and I noticed Alastor begin to hover closely.
Angel looked at me. "What's it to you?" He gave a slow, languid smile. "Y'know babycakes, you and I could get to know each other a lil' better." He deliberately reached for me, and laid a palm on the right of my chest.
"Hm."
Alastor's eyes flickered, for a moment, to radio dials.
"Have I threatened you, somehow?" I tilted my head.
Angel's brow furrowed. "Whuh?"
Husk began scraping the glass of irish cream across the bar, eyes flicking from it to me.
"It's just this: whenever someone pokes or prods at something uncomfortable, you immediately begin to flirt with them or otherwise act out. If it's sufficiently distressing, you cross into a full come-on or sexual harassment. So clearly, you're threatened by me. Though whether it's a power move or appeasement I can't be quite sure." I smiled slightly.
He jerked his hand away from me as though burned. "You don't fuckin' know me." He leaned back, eyes hooded.
"Naturally. Knowing and seeing- glhk!"
"Shut yo ass up and drink the damn spicy milk," Husk hissed, pouring the alcohol down my throat.
"Shame, Husker. Last time I saw Ambrose work his wiles, he had Susan sobbing and throwing up from stress! Ah, for simpler, more halcyon days." Alastor's smile took on a wistful edge.
"Who?" Angel's scowl turned to confusion instead of frustration.
I coughed. "Cannibal. Ornery old hag. Rosie's problem."
Alastor pointed at me with a cheery squint of his eyes. "A concise summation, ten out of ten! Well done, chum."
Angel gave me a wary look.
I thumped my chest. "Ah! Well, that wasn't the way I was going regardless. You're interesting, and haven't done any actual harm. I was simply trying to understand what line I had crossed, so as not to do so again."
Husk's wings lowered.
I glanced at him. "You get a bye on that one because you were protecting him. Fully understandable."
The gambler gave me a considering look, then nodded.
"Unfortunately I think some got in the back of my throat in a bad way. Cran-vodka to wash it down?" I fluttered my eyelashes at Husk.
"Don't do that again and I'll get on it." He pointed at me and turned away.
Angel looked between Husk and I with a frown. "So… you two." He leaned on the bar. "You guys…?"
"I would be so lucky, but alas! Husk has dashed my heart so callously." I placed a hand on my chest. "But so long as I keep it classy, he lets me get away with a flirt here and then." I winked.
Angel relaxed. "Them's the breaks, I guess." He looked at his phone. After a moment, he peered back at me. "It ain't nothin' you did, Bright Eyes. Just ain't a fan of bein' written off."
Alastor opened his mouth, only to close it with a disgruntled glare at my stare.
"I was under the impression you were here for the free rent. Or is it the simple act of dismissal that irked you?"
Angel pointed at me. "That. I might not have any plan of playin' with this kindergarten bullshit, but…" He trailed off, eyes lowered.
"But being discarded for a shiny new toy by someone you thought better of still stings." I kept my tone even.
Alastor let out a content sigh as Angel's shoulders slumped.
"Well, I think it's not so much as Charlie has 'given up' on you- I doubt she knows how- but she sees someone whose problems she can focus on to the exclusion of her own who may let her." I held out a hand and took the new glass from Husk.
"Hold on." Angel looked up at me. "What was that part?"
I raised an eyebrow as I took a sip.
"The 'on her own' bit." Angel folded his arms.
Alastor gave a sound like static, leaning in with interest.
"Charlie's problems may not be the same as yours, Alastor's, Husk's, or mine, but they exist. We all have our escapes. Alastor has his sadism, Husk his bottle, and Charlie her altruism. More virtue than vice, but an avoidant coping mechanism regardless." I tilted my head.
Alastor's static gave a harsh buzz as he stood. His eyes narrowed. "How droll."
I smirked. "You were getting a little too comfortable, old friend."
"This fucker is over a thousand. The only sinner who comes close is Zestial," Husk muttered, leaning close to Angel. He might not like the porn star, but he clearly didn't wish the 'joy' of Alastor's attentions on him. Nor mine, for that matter.
Angel's eyes went wide, going back to me.
"Well, I'm sure this will all end happily. The man who brought a zeppelin to bear on the hotel not half a day ago is amongst us! The princess' judge of character strikes again."
"Well, if it does then she'll be justified. If it doesn't, then I'll deal with him like I did Susan." I smiled brightly.
"Rosie's missed you ever since, you know."
"So what're you guys' thoughts?" Angel mused, taking a beer from Husk.
"The buffoon is clearly trying to ingratiate himself with the princess and keep his scales intact. Having him grovel was satisfying, however." Alastor tapped his chin, eyes lowered in thought.
"He attacks us and wants to join the same day? You buy that, I've got a swamp in Gluttony for sale." Husk buffed the countertop.
"You been?" Angel asked curiously.
"None of you could have, but the books exist and hellborn can move freely between rings." I sipped a bit more. "As for my thoughts… well. I think his employers overestimated his aptitude and underestimated his deep desire for home and acceptance. Once he slips up and Charlie does as she does, he'll be eating out of her hand."
"So he is sneakin' around." Angel's eyes narrowed. He visibly considered what I said. "But you think Charlie can get through to him?"
"Back him into a corner, he'll turn to his employers. I only know Vox by reputation, but-"
Alastor gave a maniacal giggle. "Oh, he won't lift a finger to help. I could be convinced depending on the asset, but that egomaniac considers everyone but the other Vees expendable."
"Precisely. When that happens, well." I looked to Angel. "Keep an eye out, he'll be obvious when he moves. Once he does, shut him down and bring Charlie running. If we play this right, she'll get her second guest."
Husk's tired look was just as expected as Alastor's glee.
"You think this redemption racket's got anything to it?" Angel leaned on the bar. "I mean, Alastor's here 'cause he's bored, and this cutie's got no choice." He trailed his fingers towards Husk, only for the winged cat-man to swat them away.
"I think it could work if several pieces were in play." I stared at my drink.
"Hmm. Sounds like a scheme. Come now, don't be shy! I love a good plan as much as the next Overlord." Alastor finally sat in the seat next to Angel opposite me.
"Three simple parts. First, I'd need Lucifer out of the way. Given his raw power, this is best dealt with diplomatically via Charlie offering me harbor. Second, I need the exterminations to stop. A year is not enough time to unpack a person's trauma and get them into a place to consider atonement."
"Huh. That makes a kind of sense. Why'd you need the Big Dick in Charge out the way?" Angel sipped his drink.
"Because part three is culling every Overlord who contributes directly to the net misery of Hell. I don't mean those like Rosie, Carmine or Zestial, who maintain order and treat their subjects with a modicum of care. I don't even mean Alastor, who plays more into this piece than not."
"I'm sure we all have an idea of who you mean. Ambitious, but… it does have a ring of possibility to it. I can't say whether I'd like those miserable souls in Heaven rather than on my leash, but it sounds as though you believe redemption is possible on a case by case basis."
"It's good for Hell, but I can't see it functioning to the degree Charlie wants it to. Hell lacks the infrastructure to make it work. Redemption is personal and not a short road." I shrugged. "We'd need a lot more rehab clinics and therapists. Ones who don't fuck up their patients."
Angel blew a raspberry. "Good fuckin' luck with that," he scoffed.
____________________________________________________________________________
Charlie looked over the script, and nodded. Pentious did well in the game earlier, but this… she wasn't quite sure, especially as she'd need Angel for it. Before, she would have gone through with it. But after her conversation with Ambrose? And him saying she was playing favorites?
She tucked it under her arm and made her choice. She'd get him to read it over before getting everyone together. It'd be fine, right?
…
"Charlie, I am very glad you brought this to me. You have extended trust, and so I shall reply in kind. If you wished to make your displeasure with Angel Dust clear in a scathing passive-aggressive psychological assault combined with elevating Sir Pentious' ego, you have succeeded."
Charlie twitched. "Uh."
Ambrose massaged the bridge of his nose. "I know you didn't actually mean to do it, which is why I'm merely acerbic and not bursting a blood vessel. As a rule of thumb, morality plays rarely help in dealing with personal trauma. Quiet, therapeutic activities- gardening, art, writing and so on - are often better. Reading as well."
"So, if Angel's said anything to you- obviously, if it was in confidence-" Charlie kept moving her hands around, trying to find the right words.
"You want my read on the situation without invading his privacy." Ambrose smiled a little.
"Yes!" Charlie pointed at him with a wide grin.
The 'demon' looked outside the window of the reading room he'd claimed. It opened to a great amount of sunlight, and was nearly a small forest with the amount of greenery he kept. Fronds, flowers, shrubs- few that were native to Hell. Charlie could almost hear birdsong as he visibly turned her request over in his head.
"This room might be good for what you suggested. And I noticed Angel seemed a little better after talking with you guys? Maybe not happy, but definitely better."
"Hm. I could play counselor, if you like. Speak with the guests in a one on one setting." His smile turned wry. "I may have put the fear of me into Pentious a bit much for that, admittedly."
"Well, he'll settle in soon enough." Charlie tilted her head inquisitively, waiting on an answer to her question.
"Angel is a gay man from a period where such were actively oppressed and shunned. He died in the 1940s in the United States, where the first real push for rights among the queer community began in the late sixties. His accent is mildly Italian and he favors tommy guns in combat. Combined with the crime family sharing his theme at large in Pentagram, he had a mafia upbringing. It is likely more than one are actual relatives of his. This tells me he likely had two constants in his life: machismo and Catholicism."
"Eheh. Right. Um." Charlie fiddled with her fingers.
"Machismo: a blend of stoicism, paternalism towards women, a disdain towards 'femininity' or 'softness' in men, and a tendency towards pride. Great pride, fragile pride. Easily wounded and a cause for violence. Catholicism is a sect of Christianity. One of the oldest, and one that until of late had decidedly unkind policies towards homosexuals and those of varying gender identity. Not to mention the orientations aside from 'two people of opposite gender'." Ambrose shrugged. "And the fact his name comes from a drug plus his addictions today? He has and had an unhappy existence, and substance abuse is how he copes. This is before we consider he works for Valentino of the Vees, a notorious pimp."
Charlie pulled the writing pad to her chest. "That's… a lot. What can you tell me about Valentino?" Her heart hurt. Angel had, even in theory - which all sounded really plausible - been through so much. But if he grew up like that, kindness from her or affection… it might not be welcome. Or at least, not now, not until he trusted her with it.
Ambrose's lips quirked, almost as though he saw right through her and approved. "Quite. Well, I am unsure of what Vaggie told you of my personal hobby."
Charlie shook her head.
"As bad as it is today, Pentagram could be much worse. I keep a weather eye on the mortal world, and anyone of note who ends up here? I deal with before they can become a power unto themselves. Regrettably, there are those who slip through the cracks. Valentino is one of them. He is a rapist, abuser, and vile piece of scum. He produces porn, which if it were ethically done would be inconsequential. His output is twenty percent consensual, ten percent rape play, twenty percent actual assault, thirty percent gang bangs of dubious consent, thirty-five percent torture porn, and five percent snuff. Effectively thirty percent of his output does not harm the receptive parties in his films."
Charlie blinked. She blinked again. "And Angel… works for him?"
"My princess, Angel is his top-grossing performer. He is consistently a receiving party in all the films he stars, and only has not starred in a snuff or torture film because of the chance of long-term disfigurement- which would slow down production of new shoots." Ambrose offered a hand, and Charlie thoughtlessly took it.
He held her hand in a gentle, firm grip as she processed. "So… Valentino is… all of that. And you kill people like that."
"Permanently. I do, yes." Ambrose didn't smile or frown. He was just direct.
"Couldn't they be redeemed?" Charlie met his eyes, despite her discomfort. She looked for something- anything.
"Anything is possible. However, my prey stalked Hell in years before your birth, and long before this Hotel was founded less than a month ago. The damage they may do to everyone else must be balanced against any potential redemption."
Charlie closed her eyes. Took a deep breath, and let it out. Left her hand in Ambrose's. "I hate it."
"I thought you might, after observing you." Ambrose's voice didn't apologize or blame.
"I understand why, and I also understand that you can see right through them. But you can't do that and stay here." Charlie let go of his hand. She looked at Ambrose.
Ambrose's lips parted, only to curl back into a rueful smile. "I see." He leaned back and looked out the window. "You may be happy to know that I am very careful with the activity. It is hardly common. Months go by without action, sometimes. And sometimes the Extermination takes care of things. But in an ideal world the angels would leave well enough alone, and I would deal with problems as they arose."
"No, it doesn't make me happy. People down here suffer enough already. We shouldn't kill them again. I won't say you're no better than the angels, because I- I want to believe you do it because you care about everyone else. That you believe something like this Hotel can work." Charlie folded her arms. "But I have to draw a line. If someone is a threat to the Hotel, do something temporary. If they won't stop, we'll revisit it. If someone comes to Hell where you think immediate action is required, you run it by me."
To her bewilderment, Ambrose's smile grew. "Understood, Princess."
It was the first time someone had used her title as something other than an endearment or a way to belittle her. Even Vaggie didn't attach the weight to it that she knew it could have.
"Right! So since we're back to the drawing board, you are going to help me think up an activity that both Angel and Pentious can enjoy and benefit from."
Ambrose uncrossed his legs, only to tuck one ankle behind another. He leaned his cheek on a fist. "It would be my pleasure, your highness."
It wasn't mocking or denigrating. It didn't feel as though Charlie had pushed a boundary or been cruel. He was just… acknowledging her authority. He offered his insight, but it was up to her what to do with it.
Charlie liked it.
____________________________________________________________________________
I stared at Alastor as we lurked outside the reading room. Not mine, but another. This hotel had many rooms.
"It starts with sorry."
The Radio Demon's ever-present smile widened as my prediction came true.
"I hated that song! Why are you so lame? Not a bad boy." Niffty kicked the snakelike sinner in the mid-tail before storming off.
We watched Charlie usher Pentious out of the room from the shadows, followed by the surly pair of Vaggie and Angel. Late as it was, I had trouble blaming them.
"Read him like a book, eh?" Alastor's leer turned considering. "Perhaps I was a bit hasty, seven years ago. Simply because you didn't tell me what I wanted to hear didn't make it untrue."
I shrugged. "I said the difference between you and Vox was minimal. I also said you shouldn't pick the fight alone."
"Hmph. Were you anyone else, I'd eviscerate you for such a comment." Alastor's eyes gleamed in the dark. "But, I'm in a fair mood tonight. So how shall we proceed? Vox and Valentino are allies, and you've never made your distaste for that moth subtle."
"Are you asking me to ally with you?" I raised an eyebrow. "Well. We'd need something to bring to Charlie. She said flat-out that I wasn't to kill sinners anymore. At least, not without compelling evidence for the positives of such an act."
"And you say this because you have just such a situation in mind. Respecting her authority, such as it is, while nudging her towards your preferred conclusion. Ah, but you do not change… Merlin."
I gave a wry smirk. "Nor do you. You're not after her soul… no, that's too high a prize for too much a cost. You want her favor. Someone has you over a barrel, and you want to prod the resident bleeding heart into getting you out of that bind."
Alastor's ears flattened. "Honestly. Poking at a gentleman's secrets, the nerve."
"Even if I have every intent of helping you?" I leaned against the doorjamb.
"...why? What do you get out of it?" Alastor tilted his head, narrowing his eyes with a crackle of feedback.
"Well, I do like you Alastor. Inasmuch as I can, for one of your tastes. Also, the person who bound you… well. We have unfinished business. You know this." I smiled darkly. "And once you're free, I can focus on Charlie while you wreak havoc elsewhere. She's got the self-confidence of a gnat, and neither her parents nor people have helped there."
"Oh ho. Camelot wasn't enough, and now you angle to be Court Advisor to Hell? The queen is gone, king shut away. And she's your sister to boot. Given your tendency towards sentiment, this is hardly a surprise." Alastor gave a mocking half-bow. "I happily accept your gracious offer of assistance. Minimal strings, of course."
"No more than usual. I want the Vees gone, so do you. Soft sell does it, Alastor - and once she sees how Valentino treats Angel Dust in the flesh, they'll make their own case."
I walked into the room, gazing at the little VoxWatch.
"Would you like first crack?"
I shook my head. "No. I'd prefer he not know I'm coming until it's too late."
Alastor's shadow slithered to the watch, and he plucked it off the ground. It crackled with green electricity.
"What?" Vox snarled, irritated. I could almost see his eyes widen.
"Better luck next time, old pal!" Alastor taunted with a savage grin, dropping the watch as it short-circuted from the other Overlord's fury.
I smirked at the yowl of anguish in response.
Alastor passed me with a chuckle.
"Bravo, good sir. Bravo." I clapped softly.
He turned and sketched a slight bow. "Above all else, I aim to entertain. Mostly myself but, hm! Details."
I glanced at the camera, still on the shelf. I wandered over and picked it up. Turned it in my hands. With a tap, roots sprouted from deep within and hollowed out the tech. From the top burst a cluster of yellow dandelions. As the roots covered the lens, I set it back with a smile. "A natural touch."
And with a turn, I went to retire for the evening.
____________________________________________________________________________
"Hm. Redemption Hotel… and Lucifer's daughter. Makes sense. If it can be done, great, if not he could probably spin it into something good." The massive hand waved, and vines and stone withdrew. "I might get something out of it too. …and we need to talk. Hope I didn't scare him off."
Heavy footsteps echoed into the night- and a vast forest on Pentagram's edge shuddered with the passage.
Valentino is one of them. He is a rapist, abuser, and vile piece of scum. He produces porn, which if it were ethically done would be inconsequential. His output is twenty percent consensual, ten percent rape play, twenty percent actual assault, thirty percent gang bangs of dubious consent, thirty-five percent torture porn, and five percent snuff. Effectively thirty percent of his output does not harm the receptive parties in his films."
And likely the only reason Asmodeus doesn't come up and turn Val (and potentially Velvette) into a thin red smear is that the V's are generally beneath his notice and/or the Sins tend to leave Pride alone. Because the guy has opinions about forced Lust (and one of the posters we see is Velvette selling a love potion etc).
Asmodeus: Well, I can tell ya, if you're looking for a love potion, you came to the wrong fucking guy. I don't fuck with that artificial bullshit! Lust shouldn't be about force... It's an ART! To be earned, and enjoyed. It's all about that journey to Pleasure Town... You feel me?
And likely the only reason Asmodeus doesn't come up and turn Val (and potentially Velvette) into a thin red smear is that the V's are generally beneath his notice and/or the Sins tend to leave Pride alone. Because the guy has opinions about forced Lust (and one of the posters we see is Velvette selling a love potion etc).
Also? Moth pheromones. His spit is the key ingredient in her potions.
Yeah, since this is going to be self-contained season one the Vees will be dealt with.
And Husk's qualifier is 'morons', or people who are too nice to make it in Hell on their own. Like Charlie would be if she wasn't the daughter of the Actual Devil.
Clearly he is too intelligent to qualify. He just had a bad hand!
Yeah, any mention of Val just… gives me the creeps. That guy is a monster, in every sense of the word, and I cannot wait for the pure catharsis that results from his comeuppance.
Yeah, any mention of Val just… gives me the creeps. That guy is a monster, in every sense of the word, and I cannot wait for the pure catharsis that results from his comeuppance.
That's why (for the first time since my worm cross years ago) I am using Red Content Warnings. Val is played for laughs in some scenes and horrifyingly straight in others. He and the Vees will get theirs, definitively.
EDIT: forgot I used it in places in my FGO fic, but it's been a minute.
And the scariest thing is based on what's been said about Sinners in HH Hell; as long as you aren't using Angelic Steel to injure them, breaking them mentally/spiritually, or using exotic means; they will (slowly and painfully) recover from any injury done to them.
Val no doubt has a 'rotating' cast of bound Sinners for his more.....extreme films that he puts on other duties as they regenerate from what he puts them through.
And the scariest thing is based on what's been said about Sinners in HH Hell; as long as you aren't using Angelic Steel to injure them, breaking them mentally/spiritually, or using exotic means; they will (slowly and painfully) recover from any injury done to them.
Val no doubt has a 'rotating' cast of bound Sinners for his more.....extreme films that he puts on other duties as they regenerate from what he puts them through.
It's said as a joke, but one gag has Angel talk about Val getting into waterboarding people as a kink. There is no reason that given the setting that this isn't what actually happens.
The First Murderer makes his way to the Hotel. I imagine his voice rumbling like an earthquake, with a slight New Zealand accent because I think It'd be funny.
Though I suspect (since ep 3 is next) that if/when Ambrose shows up for the Overlord meeting, Carmilla will immediately grab the alcohol to take a shot or two while Zestial slides his teacup over in a silent request for a hit. Having a bit of a buzz makes dealing with Ambrose so much less of a headache.
And the scariest thing is based on what's been said about Sinners in HH Hell; as long as you aren't using Angelic Steel to injure them, breaking them mentally/spiritually, or using exotic means; they will (slowly and painfully) recover from any injury done to them.
Val no doubt has a 'rotating' cast of bound Sinners for his more.....extreme films that he puts on other duties as they regenerate from what he puts them through.
Yep. And her attitude towards the matter shows exactly how much consideration the V's have in regards to their staff. That is to say, extremely little.
Well considering the overview about Cain and your own tastes Ambrose forming a relationship with him will be a thing to watch, if it doesn't already exists, also Past Merlin x Arthur? Did Arthur look like Proto Arthur or something a bit more beefy?
Well considering the overview about Cain and your own tastes Ambrose forming a relationship with him will be a thing to watch, if it doesn't already exists, also Past Merlin x Arthur? Did Arthur look like Proto Arthur or something a bit more beefy?
Cain and Merlin have been a in-story Thing, and I alluded to it being during or before Husk's Overlord days. I've done the 'falling in love' road bit so often that I wanted to write an established couple who still have wrinkles in their relationship. More on that next chap.
This'll be clarified next chap but Arthur is six years younger than Merlin and they formally met as young adults. He looks like the common non-anime interpretations of him.
And here's where I put actual 'music' in. Song is a huge part of Hazbin Hotel! That said, my tastes are... eclectic and I am Not a Songwriter. So Please Be Nice about my song choices Also the songs will definitely bloat the word count, so the more musical chapters will be longer.
Content Note1: Cain's potty mouth, horniness, and lack of filter. He takes after his dad in some not-positive ways while still managing to be (what I consider) to be primarily a green flag.
Content Note2: Valentino shows up at the end. He doesn't do anything more objectionable than exist, but still.
Song used is 'My Creator' by Mili.
____________________________________________________
Vaggie stared at the door, spear out.
THUD. THUD. THUD.
"Goodness me! I'd say we were under attack, but the lack of fire puts that in question." Alastor leaned over, flicking a bit of dust off of her shoulder. "Though perhaps we should answer before our new patron brings down the house, as it were."
"Look, whatever is out there is big, strong, and possibly a threat to the people here. I'm not opening that door without Charlie."
To her shock, Husk strode straight past the two of them. "I fuckin' know who it is, and he's harmless unless you piss him off. But he's also likely to bust down the door on accident." The winged cat gripped the door handle, and wrenched it open.
Vaggie looked forward. And up. And up. And up.
The sinner had skin the green of new growth, with humanlike veins. His body was muscular, the kind you'd expect from hard labor - a round belly, and sturdy arms and legs. His clothing was simple: working denim suspenders with slightly frayed knees, well-made brown boots, a white undershirt and red-plaid jacket. On his head was a well-kept straw hat, made to keep the sun off his face and neck.
The man was visibly hirsute, with a traumatically familiar goatee and swooping curls. His eyes were the gray of sun-warmed stone, and he wore a friendly smile. With all of this, he was also surprisingly not hard to look at - no visible blemishes, and his clothes bore no stains. There were small stitches here and there, showing a level of care.
"Hey there!" he boomed in an almost-known voice, a few registers deeper than the one that haunted Vaggie's darkest dreams. "Ambrosius here?"
"Who?" Alastor squinted over Vaggie's shoulder, cane in hand.
"He goes by Ambrose, right. Forgot. Also probably wearing his fancy duds if he's around city folk." The giant shrugged, towering over even Alastor's height. He probably even dwarfed Angel Dust. He grimaced. "Is he talking all polite too? Like 'why of course' or 'my good man' and shit. Fuck it creeps me out."
Vaggie's eyebrow raised, and she glanced at Alastor. Despite his ever-present smile, the Radio Demon clearly wasn't aware of these facts any more than she was.
"He's here, alright. Been making himself right at home, too." Husk pointed at a frond that definitely wasn't there yesterday. "As you can see."
The sinner perked up. "Husk! So you listened to him after all! Wait. Where's your shirt?" He immediately looked confused and scratched his chin.
Husk bared his teeth. "Please. Come in." He grit the offer out.
"Don't mind if I do!" The massive man walked in, and though Vaggie saw he was trying to tread lightly the chandelier still swung- just a little. He looked around. "You must be Alastor! Am told me about you. Get any use of the clippings I sent Rosie?"
Alastor's pupils shrank. "Ah-ha, not particularly! I prefer my meals not grown on the vine, thanks."
The farmer(?) shrugged. "Your loss. Am said that she said that they tasted exactly the same. Easier to get your food by tending it in the dirt than trying to drag it down. Not my taste, but, y'know, cannibals."
Vaggie mouthed 'cannibals?' at Alastor, and he gave her a vicious squint in response.
"And you! Well, he hasn't really come home since he got here, so don't know you." The giant turned around and offered a massive hand.
"...Vaggie. I'm the head of security for the hotel." She took it in a firm grasp, only to have her hand enveloped by the giant paw. Even enveloped, the giant was still gentle.
"Nice to meet you! So 'ggie' like 'Maggie', right? Neat name, neat name." He gently pumped her arm, making her shake a little but leaving it firmly in her socket. "Name's Cain! I farm out in the Penitence Fields. Oh, but I had to put up a forest to discourage 'visitors'. They liked to burn my shit down."
…wait. Wait. "You planted Good Succ Forest?" Vaggie stared at 'Cain'.
"Huh?" He gave a polite, confused frown. "Who named it that? I wanted to call it 'Please Go Home'."
"Frittermeat used it to execute his enemies. Literal vampire moss and crushing branches will do that." Husk gave Cain a flat look.
"Ohhh. So that's why Am said 'I'll be right back' one day." Cain nodded. "He tries so hard to take care of me. I can fight, just not a fan of it." He gave a wry smile.
Vaggie let go of Cain's hand. "And. You're that Cain."
The farmer took a deep breath. "Yeah. Yep. Biggest mistake of my life, but yeah."
Vaggie winced. "Right. Won't bring it up again." Holy shit. Holy shit, if he joined the Hotel-
"So you two still a thing?" Husk drawled.
Alastor's head whipped around with a feedback screech.
"Yeah!"
"Good. Tell him that. I'm pretty sure he thinks he pissed you off." Husk leveled a claw at the First Murderer with a more-dour-than-usual look.
Cain's eyes got big and shiny. "Oh nooooo." He immediately turned around and made for the stairs, gently rocking the foundations of the hotel. "AM! SWEETHEART, IT'S OKAY! I SWEAR I'M NOT MAD YOU TRIED TO GET I.M.P. TO PUT A HIT ON KISSINGER TO MOVE UP YOUR SCHEDULE! IT JUST MADE ME A LITTLE SAD!" He bellowed this at the top of his lungs as he climbed the stairs, the wood seeming to become more supple and sturdy under his feet.
Vaggie looked down at the spread of living wood crawling beneath the carpet, renewing the very bones of the Hazbin Hotel.
She looked up at Husk.
He tilted a bottle at her. "You get used to it." And began to chug.
"Ah-ha… Husker. You never mentioned you knew about this sort of thing." Alastor's eyelid twitched, looming over Husk.
"None of my business, none of yours. My guess? Big guy got tired of waitin' at home." Husk wiped his face with the back of a paw. "They've been a thing for five hundred years, last I heard."
"Huh." Vaggie looked upstairs. "Wait. What? How old is Ambrose?" She whirled on the two sinners.
"Oh, eighteen-hundred or so by my reckoning. Very much Cain's junior, but once you pass three hundred who's really counting?" Alastor shrugged. He squinted at Husk again. "...this would have been nice to know, you know."
"He ain't your type." Husk downed the bottle.
"For leverage. Heavens, must I clarify myself continuously? Bah. I've got breakfast waiting in my room. Should things turn foul, let me know - I could use the amusement after that tooth-rotting display."
Vaggie slowly put her spear away as the demon stalked off. "...so does this have anything to do with why he looks like Charlie?" she asked finally.
"No. And that's none of our business either. Ambrose has as much damage as anyone down here. Him being openly against the Queen? That's what he shows off. His life up top fucked him up more." Husk made his way back to the bar. "And if he decides to share that shit, you better brace yourself. Fairy tales and legends are the pretty bits. The real thing?" He paused. Shook his head. "Bartenders hear all kinds of bullshit. Even if I ain't as fond of him as I used to be, I remember."
____________________________________________________________________________
I squirmed under a warm, heavy weight. It certainly hadn't been there when I went to sleep, but who or whatever it was left my head exposed. I managed to roll onto my back, not once dislodging the other person, and came face-to-collarbone with a very familiar clavicle.
Oh bother.
"How do you even fit on this bed? I'm sure it's not remotely big enough for you."
"You made it bigger in your sleep." Cain's voice was smug. "Don't worry, boots on the floor." I glanced past him to see his bare toes wiggling on top of the blankets. "...were you going to come back?"
I winced at the raw hurt in his voice. "Well. Eventually, yes. I think." I finally looked up.
Sad gray eyes met mine. "You think? I promised, didn't I? That no matter what, you could stay with me."
"I crossed a line." I squirmed a little more, and he lifted himself just enough for me to wrap my limbs around him. And he promptly laid back down after I got my chin over his shoulder.
"You did. And we have to talk about it, or else you'll do it again - because I don't think you know what line you crossed." He tucked his arms under me. "When you went to I.M.P., you were paying into a group that ends people's lives. Ends them before they have a chance to fix anything they did, even if they're fuckin' set to come here. You and me, we don't get a say up there anymore. I understand why you do what you do around here, that's fuckin' fine." Despite the profanity, his voice was low and soothing in my ear. "But we're a team, okay?" I felt him turn his head and press his lips against my cheek. "I promise, I won't leave you alone. No more of that shit. Got it?"
I squeezed him tight, and he held me right back. "Okay."
"So you made an impression here already, huh." He sat up, pulling me with him into his lap. Cain was easily three times my size in any dimension. I couldn't help but smile at his soft grin. "Catch me up on it?"
I did. About Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, Pentious, and the old crowd. All of it.
Then I told him my plan.
"That's… Am, this isn't the Table. You can't just get a circle of sinners together to run Pride under Charlie." Cain's expression fell. "And even if Lilith is gone, Lucifer is still around. You still haven't met him, have you?"
"No. I do have measures in place, however-"
He moved a huge finger over my mouth. The way it was placed went over my nose and forehead too. I blinked.
"Babe, listen. Lucifer is complicated. Like, back when he was active he'd go from being a wide-eyed hopeful guy to completely aggro at the newest awful thing sinners did. He hasn't been outside of the palace for at least seven years, if not longer. At least not openly. Whatever his relationship with Charlie - and I would straight up tell her who you are to her-"
I opened my mouth again.
"Babe, sh. You're already getting attached. You said Alastor knows who you are. That deer dude is trouble, and I wish you hadn't offered to snap his chains." Cain moved his hand and began petting my hair while cradling me close. "She'd take it better from you than him. You know that."
I groaned and rubbed my cheek against his, feeling the goatee and stubble scratch my skin. "I knowww. It's just… I don't want her to think of me like him, y'know? Just around because I have a use for her."
"Is that what she said?"
"No… but that's Alastor, and every time Lucifer calls it's because he's bored or wants something. She's a good kid, Cain. She deserves better."
"And you can be better. You've been good to me; when you let yourself care you're amazing." Cain lightened his grip and I leaned back to look at him. "I love you, you know? And if you give Charlie a chance she'll love you too."
I gave him a flat look.
"Not like that, dumbass." Cain gave me a firm pat on the side of the head. "You know damn well what I meant."
"Vaggie's going to eviscerate me. Though at least neither of them were really fooled that I wasn't an angel."
"You tell 'em you were a seraph?"
I scowled. "Nnno."
Cain sighed with a crooked grin. "Uh huh. You gonna keep being all fancy-like? Be the wizard of the tower?"
I gagged. "Fuck, but I hate when people make that assumption. I grew up in the woods. Where'd this ivory tower man of learning bullshit come from? But I can play nobility fine." I tapped my forehead against Cain's shoulder. "Lemme go. Pentious is movin' in, and I'll be missed if I'm not there. Need to get my face on."
"Hmm. What if I want to keep you to myself a little longer?" The hand on my back trailed down, stroking my side until it came to rest on my hip.
"Too bad. Tonight we can definitely make up for lost time, but I have responsibilities." I pressed my lips to his, and pulled back when he swiped his tongue against my teeth. "Hey."
He squinted and stuck his tongue out, only to grin at me.
"Love you too, jackass. If you behave I'll see if this bed can handle me working you over."
His expression turned borderline angelic. "I have done approximately one wrong thing in my entire life."
An old argument, and one I wasn't going to unearth at this time. …when an accident defines your eternity, it can be assumed that something is wrong with the system.
I dragged my hand from his shoulder and gave his chest a solid knead before disentangling myself.
"Fuckin' bitch of a tease…" he groaned, pouting.
I grinned. "If you behave, I have a private shower."
He perked up.
I rolled off the bed, and with a click of my fingers my outfit for the day laid itself over a chair by a desk. I slowly walked to the door away from the hall, aware of his eyes on me. I looked over my shoulder.
"You get one."
He scrambled after me, and when he scooped me up by the waist I let out a bark of laughter as he charged into the shower.
This of course caused the hotel to shudder.
"WHEN DID WE MOVE TO SAN FRAN!?" Angel yelled over the sound of slamming doors.
____________________________________________________________________________
Charlie hustled around the foyer, checking her phone periodically.
"Babe, it's gonna be fine," Vaggie said soothingly, putting her hands on her shoulders.
"But it needs to be perfect, Vaggie!" Charlie gestured at the foyer- now with shinier, sturdier wood. It looked great, but it was really weird! And she had no idea where it came from!
"Lovely morning, no?"
Charlie's head whipped around, and her jaw dropped.
A giant green farmer with a smug grin rumbled down the stairs, and on one of his shoulders perched Ambrose in his favored suit. The 'demon' tucked his ankles together, held his cane in one hand and used the other to brace himself on the sinner's head. His wings folded behind him, helping his balance.
Ambrose's smile was tender, gentle - it was almost exactly the same way that Vaggie looked at her.
"Hey ladies!" The giant put a hand on Ambrose's legs to steady him, and used the other to snap a salute off the brim of his hat. His voice was almost familiar.
Razzle and Dazzle flew past them to hang up the welcome banner for Sir Pentious.
Charlie thought, sure she'd at least heard of this man. Green, huge, looked like a super-sized farm boy from Wrath… Wait.
The first murderer lives in Pride too. He raised a forest to protect his fields. Your father, in his kindness, removed the curse that blackened his green thumb. I'm uncertain if it was necessary, but he doesn't cause trouble and keeps to himself. He's uncouth, but harmless unless thoroughly pushed.
"Oh. My. Gosh. Omigosh. Vaggie. Vaggie!" She grabbed her girlfriend by the shoulders.
"Play it cool, Charlie," Vaggie whispered. She glanced at Ambrose and Cain. "But definitely on the same page." She squeezed Charlie's hands with a small smile.
Charlie turned on her heel. "Mister Cain, sir-" she began.
The giant tilted his head, and she stopped talking. "Sir?" he parroted in confusion.
"He's not the sort to stand on ceremony," Ambrose said with a pat to the top of Cain's hat. Cain squeezed his leg in response and smiled. "I find 'Cain' suffices."
"Eugh. 'Suffices' he says." Cain rolled his eyes. "Like he didn't grow up in the woods."
Charlie perked up at that. "Really?" Ambrose had shared that her mother had been… present… in his life before Hell, but not much else.
Ambrose opened his mouth, then narrowed his eyes. "Sir Pentious isn't supposed to be bringing armaments, is he?"
Charlie considered why Ambrose would ask this question. Then her shoulders slumped. "No, he's not." Then she straightened up and turned on her heel.
"Behold! My-!" Pentious started in, posturing with his Egg Boiz.
"Contraband." Tendril-thin vines studded with flowers wrapped around the wicked-looking cannon, and a dandelion flower the size of Charlie's head plugged its mouth.
"Pretty!" Cain boomed, walking forward.
Pentious looked at Ambrose, perched on Cain, and his hood fell. The sinner's eyes went wide. "H…hello."
"Hi." Ambrose gave a wide grin in response.
"Be nice!" Cain scolded. He held a hand out. "Nice to meet you, I'm starting today too!"
Pentious gave a suspicious glare before gingerly taking Cain's hand. "A pleassure, I'm ssure. I am Sir Pentious, archi- wait. No, that won't work for redemption. Hm." He frowned while absentmindedly pumping Cain's hand. "I build things and corral minions. There!" He gave a self-satisfied smile.
"Aw, the eggs? They're cute."
"Yess, very cute - but very dumb. Truly, ensuring they do not expire is a job in and of itself." Pentious gave a dramatic sigh. He let go of Cain's hand and looked Cain in the eye. "But enough about me, my good man. Who might you be?"
"I'm Cain, good to meet you! Wait, I said that already." He shrugged carefully, not moving Ambrose. "Eh, it's all good."
Charlie glanced at Angel and Husk at the bar. Angel was leaning against the bar itself, arms splayed and ready to climb over. He looked more than a little terrified. Husk didn't react at all.
"Goodnessss me, you hardly seem to be as purported." Pentious kept squinting, then shrugged. "Well, being who I am I've quite the sense for danger-"
"Oooooh. The baddest boy." Niffty scuttled over, eye shot with veins and razor teeth bared in a grin. "Hehehehe."
"He's mine, sister. Mitts off." Ambrose aimed his cane at Niffty in warning.
Pentious looked from Cain, to Ambrose, and back. "Oh, he's the scary one of the two of you, isn't he?"
Charlie looked at Vaggie, and her girlfriend tilted her head back and forth in agreement.
Cain smiled and gave a wink. "Not a lot of people figure that out for a while. Nice work!"
Pentious puffed up. "Well! Of course. But I will be needing my Skinflayer 11,000 for self-defense purposes." He turned his pleading gaze to Ambrose.
"Piss off an Overlord? Besides Alastor, I mean." Ambrose tilted his cane to and fro.
"The other resssidentss, of courssse! They all want to kill me! Look how nice they're being."
Charlie looked around. Angel: flipping him off. Husk: drinking and flipping him off. Niffty…
"Ehehehehe."
Niffty-ing.
"Although it is quite nice to know me and my eggies will at least not need to fear you, Mr. Cain-"
Cain blinked again. "What's with all the 'Mister'-ing today?" he asked Ambrose.
"He's British, she's royal. They're very polite."
"You're royal."
"I'm a bastard."
"Oh, I'm sure you're not that bad!" Charlie intervened, waving her hands.
Ambrose gave her an amused smile. "No, bastard as in I was a pump-n-dump on a random peasant woman by a wandering royal."
Vaggie squinted at Ambrose. "And you raised yourself in the woods? Somehow?"
"She couldn't hack it." Ambrose shrugged, but Charlie saw the flicker of discomfort on his face.
"AHEM." Pentious slithered forward. "Regardless of parentage or peerage, I still require protection from at least half this hotel! This one-" he pointed at Cain, "is very large yet friendly. Sir Ambrose is quite terrifying, but I trust him to follow your commands. Alastor… likely does not care." Pentious drooped. "The rest could kill me in my sleep! Except the purple female; she also seems nice in a very militarissstic way."
Vaggie's expression went neutral in the way that told Charlie she wasn't sure whether to be pleased or offended.
"Everyone is being far too nice!"
"They're being nice because they want to make you feel welcome." Vaggie folded her arms, only for a woman to roll a cart right up to Pentious. "What."
The woman handed a clipboard to the snake. "Please sign here." Once he did so: "Thank you. We hope you enjoy your Carmine purchase."
Vaggie opened her mouth to say something, but-
"Odette, can you tell your mother I won't be making the meeting today? I'm aware she asked for me specifically, but as you can see I've a prior engagement." Ambrose waved at the Hotel in general.
Odette paused and looked at Ambrose. Blinked. Looked at Charlie. "...I see." She frowned. "Does this mean…?" She trailed off meaningfully.
"It's under consideration. I'll need to do a bit of research, first." Ambrose scowled as Cain gave him a light swat.
"Understood. You'll be missed, Ambrosius- Mother expects the Vees in attendance and she was hoping for an ample distraction."
Ambrose tossed something, only for Odette to catch it. Her eyes widened, and she hastily put it in her pocket.
"This will work."
"Thought so," Ambrose sing-songed at her.
They went quiet for a moment as Odette left.
"Asss I wass saying, I don't trust half of the resssidents here." Pentious folded his arms. His brow furrowed. "Wait. Ambrosiusss?" And then his eyes bugged. "MERLIN AMBROSIUS!?" He flung his hand over his heart, pointing at Ambrose.
Ambrose's eyebrow twitched.
"HA! Caught out by one of your countrymen, Am? Sucks to be you, cutie!" Cain didn't react to the cane coming down in a wallop on his head. "Babe, you hit me harder in softcore. That's not gonna make me safeword out."
Charlie pointedly ignored Cain's commentary.
"First, rude. Second, he's British. I am - was - Gaelic. I don't claim that kingdom, and the instant those imperialist cockbags end up down here I'm petitioning Charlie to let me erase them." Ambrose folded his arms with a vicious pout.
Vaggie just stared at him.
"Uhhh. Is he important?" Charlie asked. She didn't know a lot of what went on topside, but-
"Is he fuckin' important? Charlie, that guy is the most famous wizard in history! At least when I died." Angel Dust walked over.
"No, he's still important. And this explains… a lot." Vaggie looked at Charlie. "Charlie, Camelot is a kingdom of myth, a utopia. This guy is a keystone in what made it work. He's all he said and more - he's a kingmaker."
"Yes, lovely, can we move on to Pentious' accommodations? We can't have high-powered weaponry loose in the Hotel." Ambrose - Merlin? Gave Charlie a pointed look.
"Right! Pentious, if you want to build helpful things - for all of us! - that's fine. But while you're here, you won't need to be personally armed." Charlie looked around. "Also, for now we'll need to quarantine your Egg Boiz."
Pentious' eyes went wide. "NO! Not my Eggies!" He immediately lunged and swaddled them in his arms.
"It sounds short-term," Ambrose noted airily. "Meaning once you've completed a few exercises to Charlie's satisfaction, they'll be returned." He looked at Charlie. "Am I reading that right?" He slid down Cain's front and landed on his feet.
"Exactly! Thanks, uh. Do we still call you Ambrose?"
Merlin sighed. "The game is up now. 'Merlin' is what my father named me, and I wished to avoid his attention. But at this point the clock is ticking to that confrontation and I might as well flex my might a bit." He rolled his shoulders-
And four wings joined his two.
Charlie didn't know a lot of things about Earth. She knew plenty about Heaven, and about angels.
"Holy-" Vaggie slapped a hand over her mouth.
"Quite. You can see why I was… upset about being remanded here. Yes, nobody was fooled, yes it was a polite fiction."
"Can someone explain what's going on?" Niffty tilted her head.
"Pentious is gettin' his toys put in the closet and Ambrose turned out to be The Wizard of Wizards. And the scariest class of angel." Everyone looked at Angel Dust. "Ma was Catholic, I know my shit."
"Ohhh. Okay!" Niffty smiled.
Charlie inhaled. "SO! Since we're all sharing things and- right! Trust exercises!" She'd need to wrangle some kind of control back.
Everyone looked at her with varying expressions.
Husk hid his thoughts behind a gruff exterior. However much Niffty understood was up for grabs, but she smiled. Pentious kept shooting Angel, Husk, and Niffty distrustful looks - but he wasn't as unhappy as when Charlie said his eggs would need to spend time apart.
Vaggie smiled supportively, and Merlin placed a hand on his hip with an appraising look. Cain-
"OOF."
"I can't wait to get started!" he boomed cheerfully, squeezing her in a surprisingly pleasant bear hug.
"Great," Charlie said, muffled by his chest. At least he smelled clean?
____________________________________________________________________________
"ALL RIGHT. YOU WILL GET ON THIS STAGE, SHARE SOMETHING VULNERABLE ABOUT YOURSELVES, AND JUMP. WE WILL CATCH YOU. UNDERSTOOD?"
I blinked at the former Exorcist turned drill sergeant. I looked over my shoulder as Alastor strode out, Egg Boiz in tow. "We're trusting him with them?"
Vaggie looked me in the eye with a sharp smile. "I am trusting you to handle things if we can't."
I turned her words over in my head and gave a slow smile. "As you wish, Princess Consort."
Vaggie went scarlet.
"Um! We need to be married for that! Not that- well I-" Charlie started stammering.
I tapped my wrist. "Better get on it, your highness."
"TRUST FALLS." Vaggie roared, leaning as close to my face as she could get on tiptoe. "YOU GO FIRST."
I gave a mocking half-bow and got on the stage.
"Okay so- what's your plan? Gonna King Arthur it up here?" Angel asked, pointing at Charlie.
"That's not quite-" Charlie began.
"Clearly he's seen the princess' potential and wishes to make her a stronger ruler!" Pentious stared at me with starry eyes. …it wasn't bad, but I wasn't sure if I preferred it to his unease.
I let out a long exhale. "Let's see… something personal. Ah, how's this: every 'plot' by Morgan Le Fay was actually Lilith. Morgan, Morgause, and Vivian were my dearest friends and helped me keep Arthur's boys' club breathing while they went and fought monsters and saved damsels. Also, the Mordred thing was just a rogue general; no incest occurred." I gave Charlie a glance. "Your mother really didn't like me for some reason." I turned backwards and made to jump-
"How about something that doesn't traumatize Charlie," Cain ordered firmly, palm on my spine as he pushed me back on the platform.
I turned. "What? She knows the kind of person her mother is. Kind to those she loves, unforgiving to those who draw her ire. It's not new."
"Well… what made her so angry at you?"
I looked at Charlie, and she fiddled with her fingers. She kept eye contact.
'I'm our father's bastard', I didn't say.
"That's… private. You do deserve to know, but I won't tell you in front of everyone. Hm… but vulnerable?" I tapped my chin.
Charlie relaxed a little.
"Ah! I'm only six years' Arthur's senior. He and I had a clandestine affair until he figured out I couldn't give him an heir, and then he got with Guinivere and never looked back. I never loved again until Cain about five hundred years ago."
Angel's jaw dropped just as a dull gleam entered Husk's eyes. Husk knew, of course. I frequented his bar and casino, and we were something like friends back then.
"Wha- he led you on? The cad!" Pentious folded his hands over his chest. "Fear not, great wizard! The brilliant Sir Pentious shall catch you!"
I blinked. Shrugged. And flopped bonelessly off the stage.
Cain ended up catching both of us when Pentious buckled with his noodle arms.
"Alright, now pick who's next." Vaggie's gaze was somewhat softer.
I pointed at Charlie, who had begun to vibrate out of her skin. "Me- oh! Yay!" She ran up on the stage.
As I gained my footing, I raised an eyebrow. Cain ended up helping Sir Pentious to his… his… to a standing position.
"I… love you guys. Really, really love you." Charlie's eyes gleamed.
Empty halls and quiet days. Courtly faces and dangerous games. A mother who hid her fangs behind a smile, and doted and loved. A father held in awe, whose awkwardness formed distance. Happy childhood, but as age came so too did understanding.
…a child can't save a marriage. Was that why they had her? I'd need to meet one or both to be sure. …she might have needed me more than I thought.
Charlie turned around and leapt.
Vaggie and I both caught her - a shoulder and leg for each of us. Vaggie gave me a surprised look, followed by a fleeting smile.
Charlie giggled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Well that was illuminatin'," Angel scoffed.
"You next!" Charlie pointed at him.
Husk wore a tired expression as Angel mounted the stage with a long-legged strut.
"Hmmm. Somethin' about myself, huh?" He gave us a leer.
Princess Puff couldn't handle any of my shit. The rest probably wouldn't care. Merlin the magician, heh. Wonder what the fuck he's been up to.
Dizzying, falling, hunger. Fill me, fill me, adore me, hold me. Distance to keep me safe, lock it all in a box. So long as I ask for it, then at least I have a say. It's who I gotta be. So the line is-
Angel tapped his chin. "Well, I looooove to suck-"
"I swear to fuck if you say dicks-!" Husk snarled, hackles up.
"Popsicles, you sicko!" Angel smirked, twirling off the stage. When Husk caught him, he grinned. "Also, dicks too."
To no one's surprise, Husk dropped him in the non-existent dirt.
I nudged Cain.
He gave me a pout, then sighed. "Me next?"
Angel smoothly got to his feet. "Sure thing, toots." He jerked his head at the stage.
Cain lumbered on there, and the structure creaked for a moment until the wood grew firm and supple. The collected demon's gazes followed the trail of small budding wildflowers to the veritable puddle of grass, flora, and weeds where Cain stood before.
"That's… gonna be interesting." Vaggie stared at the vegetation.
I looked back at Cain.
"Uh, so…" Cain shuffled. He looked at me, and I folded my arms.
"So um. When I killed my brother, I shoved him, and he fell and hit his head. We were teenagers. I tried to stop the bleeding, but…" Cain hesitated.
"What?" Charlie's spine went ramrod straight.
Cain flinched. "Yeah, I know-"
"Cain, no. That's- that's not a murder. Losing your temper, doing that-" Charlie stepped forward.
"Manslaughter, tops." Angel gave Cain a curious look. "So you're saying the guy who did the first big No-No didn't even do it? Just got the label slapped on him?" His lips pulled downward.
Husk gave me a dour look. He knew exactly what I was doing. As he kept quiet, he didn't disapprove.
"Fear not, my large friend! I shall catch you!" Pentious reared up, arms wide.
Cain gave him a doubtful look, but a small smile played around his lips.
"I should take this one," I murmured to Pentious, gently nudging him out of the way. "So?" I held my arms out.
Cain huffed. "Fine. Jackass." And he leapt.
"Oh SHIT-" Vaggie immediately lunged to get Charlie out of the way.
And I… changed.
My horns, my eyes, my tail all erupted from my body as I quadrupled in size. The tail of a lion bloomed from the base of my spine, the horns of a ram curled to the sides of my head. Antlers sprouted from my forehead and bowed back over my skull. My eyes snapped open, secondary and tertiary above and beneath the ones in my 'society face'. And with my wings spread, I effortlessly caught Cain.
Holding him like this, I felt a pang of disgust at myself earlier. Seeing his grin so close?
I really need to stop running when I do something people don't appreciate.
"Uh. You can put him down, now." Vaggie's voice was quiet.
I set him on his patch of grass, and looked down at the sinners.
Angel stared up in awe alongside Sir Pentious. Vaggie stood in front of a doe-eyed Charlie. Husk had seen it all before, but still wore a small smirk.
"Ehehehe." Nifty waved her arms. "Me! Me!"
"Go ahead," Cain said graciously with a wave at the stage.
She scuttled up as most everyone stared in silence.
"Sometimes, I kill mother bugs in front of their children as a warning." She immediately flung herself off.
Cain caught her in one hand.
"Hehehehe!"
Charlie and Vaggie had already moved off to the side and started to whisper.
With a shimmy, I shrank back down, packing away most of my inhuman attributes - one pair of wings remained.
Nifty still wriggled in Cain's grip.
"You wanna go, Pentious?" I asked.
He looked over where the two in charge were. "Erm. I think this exercise may have concluded." He wilted.
"Hey, you were willing to catch us. That's good." Cain nudged him while setting Niffty down.
"Yeah." Angel gave Cain a once-over. "So why'd you guys go all in up there?"
"Because it was the exercise?" I shrugged. "And besides, it's far from the most personal thing I could have said."
"And this guy thinks if I set the record straight that it'll make things better." Cain folded his arms. "I still killed him." This time, the bitter self-loathing didn't leave his expression.
I leaned against his side, my hand reaching the small of his back.
"So like- did you even do anything else?" Angel spread his hands. "Because that was a mistake. You were a kid, and you fucked up. Besides, if your bro ain't here there's only one place he could be, and after fuck-knows-how-long there he'd probably forgive ya."
"Not really? I tried making cities, but never really got close to anyone. A big stone crushed me, and I ended up here. Lucifer took my curse from me, and I made my farm." He looked at me and finally smiled. "Then five hundred years ago, you found me in my woods, and talked to me without trying to kill me."
"Wait, Dad did?" Charlie made her presence known.
"Yeah. I think he felt bad for me." Cain looked at me. "But yeah, we've had a long run. It's been bumpy, but worth every day." He smiled and finally put an arm around me.
Charlie made a small, happy sound. "So, Cain. The exercise isn't done yet, but are you interested in checking in?"
"Am's here, and you guys all seem nice. It'd be better if there was a greenhouse, but yeah!" Cain smiled.
"So even now we know he's Merlin, you're still going with 'Ambrose'?" Vaggie planted her hands on her hips.
"Ambrose is short for Ambrosius, which is still his name," Cain pointed out.
"Got it. So this activity isn't quite doing what we want it to. We're opening the floor to ideas." Vaggie waved a hand at us.
Angel tilted his head, then gave a devilish smile. "Welll. If you're looking for 'trust exercises', I might know a place."
I looked around Cain at Husk. His expression showed we were on the same 'oh hell no' page.
"Ehehehehe."
"Okay! Someone find and grab Niffty, and we'll get this show on the road!" Charlie punched the air.
"You wanted a trust exercise, right? No better way to build trust than BDSM. 'The strongest bonds are built through bondage'. It's even their motto!" Angel tugged a pair of fuzzy cuffs apart, holding the chain taut.
Husk had made himself comfortable, getting a backrub from who was clearly a femme soft dom. "Y'know… I don't hate this." His words rumbled with a purr he couldn't suppress.
Poor Pentious had wrapped himself around a St. Andrews' Cross and refused to come down.
"Um. Well Angel, we really appreciate the enthusiasm, but-" Charlie cringed away from a guy in a gimp suit. I wasn't sure if he had a pup hood on or was just a Hellhound.
"Kink isn't something to drop someone into without warning. Yes, it can be used to foster healthy relationships if done correctly by two or more consenting and informed people, but this wasn't the best idea for our purposes." I arched an eyebrow at him. "Unless there's something you'd like to say to one or more people in our entourage?"
Angel actually looked taken aback at my chiding.
Cain busied himself testing some silk scarves. "Hey babe, these might actually hold me," he called over his shoulder.
I blinked. "Wait, really?"
"Are you serious?" Vaggie hissed.
"Give you and Charlie another century or two, and I promise you'll have explored at least the soft stuff out of curiosity." I gave Vaggie a wink and made my way over.
"I'm ready to punish some bad boys. Ehehehee." Niffty tapped a riding crop in her little hands, clad in precious little leather.
"All right, I'm done." Husk scampered away from the soft dom, who looked after him with a sad frown.
"OKAY." Vaggie pushed Charlie away from a leather-clad polycule who were giving her… thoughtful looks. "I cannot believe we let you drag us here Angel, this is disgusting."
Cain shot her a piteous, wobbly look.
"Vaggie, it's fine. Look, maybe I can just-"
"Nope! You trusted me to do this, and I'm gonna do it." She rubbed her chin, and slowly smiled. "All we have to do is teach them how I was taught."
…somehow I didn't think Exorcist-style trust building would be a great plan.
____________________________________________________________________________
"Vaggie, STOP!" Charlie snatched Niffty out of Vaggie's grip before she was punted into the active warzone.
Trial by fire. Yep.
"Um. Do we… have to? I don't like fi-" Cain's eyes widened as we heard Pentious shriek in terror.
"I CAN'T FIGHT WITHOUT MY MINIONS!"
"DON'T YOU TOUCH ME-" Angel barked.
Cain squared his shoulders. "Babe? You handle things here. Niff, with me!" Cain strode forward, Niffty cackling as she clambered onto his shoulder - and grabbed a massive thorn he handed her.
"Oooh! Are-"
"We're saving our boys and punishing some bad ones."
Niffty's gleeful shriek rang like a clarion call as a massive vine lowered the two of them into the fray- right before an explosion of vegetation swallowed the street.
"Vaggie, this isn't the only way to do this-" Charlie approached her, hands opened.
'Sometimes you need to be ruthless, Charlie.' Lilith's gaze was like ice, despite her smile. 'In the end, results matter most.' She's wrong. She has to be.
"This is the only way." Vaggie stared down as Cain worked his way in, and the explosions meant that Husk had caught up and decided to help. Dice, no doubt.
"No, it's not! It just takes time!"
"Time we don't have! Extermination Day is coming - again - and how many times do we need to see your people die before this works!?" Vaggie whirled away.
I sidled over. "Well. Trust exercises are all well and good, but to address why a person should be better we need to first address how they were wronged. Pentious-"
"SHUT. UP." Vaggie whirled on me. "You are the LAST person I want to hear that from! This whole time, you've been off butchering Charlie's people, just like I did! Or worse, because you played judge and executioner without even the excuse of orders! And this whole time, you were here when she needed you!"
I straightened up. "Oh. You want to be careful, little one. This isn't a road you can come back from." My eyes began to glow solid gold.
"Everyone else might have forgotten, but I haven't. I know your legend, who your father was. And 'royal'? Way to take advantage that Charlie doesn't even know-"
I slammed my palm over her mouth. "Careful." My empty hand sparked with lightning, scoring blackened trails in the pavement of the rooftop.
"Merlin, stop!" Charlie tore Vaggie away from me. "Vaggie?"
"I'm supposed to protect you, to make your dreams come true. If I can't do this… then what's the point of me?"
I flinched, and the coming storm broke. "Don't."
They looked at me.
"Don't… reduce yourself to what you can do for people. Even if you love them. Especially if you love them." I closed my eyes for a moment. "It never ends well."
Vaggie looked at me, mouth slightly open.
"Vaggie, you do so much for me, and even if you didn't-" Charlie approached, hands out.
"I. I need to be alone. I'm sorry." She looked at Charlie, then me. "To both of you."
I exhaled. "Apology accepted."
Charlie just held her hands together, and a rumble heralded the group returning to the rooftop. "Come on guys. Let's go home."
We followed the rest as they walked down the stairs.
"Whew. Okay." Cain walked past, Niffty acting as a hat while Angel lounged across his shoulders. Pentious was wrapped around his torso and cradled in his arms. Husk followed on foot with a glance back at us.
I caught Charlie by the elbow before we hit the stairwell.
"We shouldn't-" she began, misinterpreting me.
"It's not about Vaggie. It's about me."
Charlie frowned.
"Walk with me."
____________________________________________________________________________
Charlie looked out over Pentagram City, Merlin at her side. She still didn't really know who that was, aside from an angel. A top angel. One who decided her hotel could work. Who seemed to believe in her in a way that only Vaggie had, till now.
"I… my life wasn't easy. Obviously, I had one human parent, and one non-human. The legends call me a cambion. A child born of a demon and a human. But… that wasn't the exact case."
Charlie looked at Merlin. Gold eyes kept flicking to meet her, then away.
"My father is a devil. The Devil." Merlin folded his arms. "And I only knew him through his wife's faintest memories."
Charlie turned to fully face him, heart racing. "You mean…?"
"I mean Lucifer, your father, is our father. And my mother was a peasant. I can't recall her name, or even her face. I don't know how, or why, but I exist. It's probably why Lilith hated me enough to make herself my personal fury." Merlin visibly struggled to meet her gaze. "None of what I've told you has been a lie. I didn't think much of you, because I figured you had both your parents. I wasn't needed, and I had nowhere to go. No real home here. So I just… tried to make it better." He closed his eyes. "But now I see you might have needed me more than I thought."
Charlie frowned. "What do you mean?"
"What do I-" Merlin exhaled. "My eyes don't turn off Charlie. I'm a soothsayer, but it's because I can see. See abroad, see around, see through. That and my shapeshifting were the first gifts from our father to come. So I. I can see it. What you've been through. What everyone has been through. The only exception was Lilith, and I got the impression what came through was what she couldn't suppress."
Charlie stepped back. "That's…"
"Why my mother left." Merlin's eyes opened, fixed on her. "Like you're debating on doing now. Nobody likes having their secrets laid bare. Not that I have a choice in the matter." A tinge of bitterness.
Charlie straightened up. "And that's why you left Cain after your fight. Because you did something, and thought he'd leave. So why not leave first."
"...Cain's the only one to keep coming after me. For the longest time, he's been a rock. Someone solid." Merlin tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, and his beard receded. It was a little creepy, but when it was gone her father's face looked back at her. Pale, with the red circles on his cheeks. He lacked the wide mouth and fangs, but otherwise… they were the same.
Slowly, Charlie stepped forward. "Merlin?"
"Everyone leaves, or turns on me. My mother. Arthur. Morgause had to go to Orkney, had to rule there because her husband was so weak. Morgan tried to keep in touch despite reigning in Avalon. Vivian was tied to her lake. I went to save her, but Lilith was waiting. And she killed me."
"Merlin-"
"And down here. So many people, Charlie. One thousand, seven hundred and fifty-nine exterminations. Each time I found someone who wasn't absolute garbage, they got cut down because they weren't the ruthless monsters. Or they were bound to Overlords who were, and they changed. And even the Overlords I could call friend- I can't trust them. Not really. Carmilla and Zestial are outliers, not the norm." Merlin's gaze fixed on her. "So many people I've cared for are gone. Your Hotel, it's all that's left. All that might help them. It's not like Lucifer cares. Not about them, or about us!" He threw down his arms, and stood tall.
Charle stepped forward, hand extended. "Ambrose?"
"You're the only one who's really different. Who can be kind, and strong enough to survive. You and Vaggie. Angel, Pentious - they're not the worst, but they also don't have what it takes to survive alone. Husk, Niffty - damaged, but not dangerous, not to most people. Alastor?" He snorted. "He'll do as he's told if he wants me to fulfill my end of the bargain."
Charlie reached for his shoulder, only for Merlin to jerk back. For her brother to jerk back.
Slowly, impossibly… a mournful tune began. Piano, violin - and scraping strings. Merlin was going to sing.
"Needles… and string… piece together our skins."
Everything went black, then inverted. A dense forest of grays, a small figure with glowing golden eyes.
"A stitch over here, and a stitch over there- wrapped up, our, rotten flesh."
A woman's figure walked along behind the child, flickering like mist.
"Then I felt the breeze, brushing behind my neck."
The air stirred, and the woman flickered faster.
"I felt the weather, and I felt on my shoulder - the tiny drops of rain."
Everything turned to a sheet of rain - not acid, but cold water, and Charlie looked around - only seeing the small, pale child with golden eyes. The trees were silhouettes, and the woman was almost invisible.
"By the time I reached for your hand, you were already gone."
The woman vanished, and the tiny Merlin Ambrosius stared at her with wide eyes. Bells rang in the distance.
"I let out a straaaange sound, weay waaaouh ah waaaouh - when it dawned on me I would never be unalone again!"
The child collapsed, sobbing - and before Charlie could grasp him, he dissolved into the rain.
"Looking for meaning in this series of fruitless events - so why am I here, oh why am I here, hey why am I here? Just silence."
Charlie, drenched, spun to see Merlin in his suit, staring at her with those same eyes.
"I wish you were here, I wish you were here - you would have been so proud of my achievements."
Suddenly- the inside of a castle. A round table behind Merlin, and men speaking over it.
"Letters, and words, paragraphs of inner worlds. A line over here, and a line over there - Crossed out the past, mem'ries in black."
Merlin, laughing with two women. Merlin, hugged by a man with a larger frame and a thick brown beard. Merlin giving a dour smile to a group of raucous men at a feast, brightening at the sight of who had to be his lover.
Then a bedroom, where Merlin stared at the man's bare back.
"Then I felt your shame, cutting into my chest. Felt your perversity, felt your barbarity - felt, the same, de-mons, in me."
Back to the forest. Violet eyes gazing at him there. On the road. In the tavern. Sometimes a silhouette. One Charlie knew.
She balled her hands into fists.
"Time and time, again I thought- if you never commented on how my body was so wrong-"
Her mother, whispering in the ear of Merlin's. This one was hazier- not a memory, but a theory?
"I would have loved it all alo-ong!"
Merlin, swiping with his staff and sending a cascade of trees that were swallowed in hellfire. Rain dousing the flames and her mother dodging bolts of lightning that scored the ground, a vicious- no, a proud smile on her face. Merlin's streaked with tears.
"My monstrosities are part of your nat'ral science!"
Her father's image, superimposed and hazy - through the eyes of Merlin's mother. Through Lilith's eyes, a proud king whose smile wavered at the edges even then.
"If there's no meaning in these ex-tra-ordinary events- then why am I here, oh why am I here, hey why am I here? I'm content."
The illusion dissolved, and Merlin's hands landed on Charlie's shoulders from behind.
"So thank you for all the heartaches I ex-per-i-enced. I've come to accept, I've come to accept, I've come to accept our judgements."
She looked up and followed his gaze- to the palace.
"Our human thoughts, our human faults, our human flaws-" He reached out, stepping away towards that monument to her parents.
And he snarled, eyes shutting against some old pain as tears squeezed out.
"Because you were never my god."
Charlie threw herself at his back as the piano keys struck, a mournful chime in her ears. She wrapped her arms around Merlin's body, and buried her face in his spine.
"...sorry. I don't know what came over me." Merlin dropped his arms. "We should head back. Most everyone else kind of knew, so I knew I would need to tell you before someone else did. Cain's idea. And then Odette outed me this morning." He straightened himself, and briskly wiped his eyes.
Charlie didn't let go. "...you know. Maybe you needed me too." She looked up.
Merlin peered over his shoulder. "Don't you have your own problems to deal with?" he muttered. He didn't push her away.
Charlie smiled. "Guess we're kinda alike that way, huh."
He blinked rapidly, then closed his eyes. He exhaled with a smile. "Guess so." His eyes opened, and the smile softened.
Charlie stepped back. "Oh, and - leave the beard off. You look better this way." She smirked.
Merlin turned to face her. "As the princess commands," he replied sardonically.
Charlie gave a faux haughty sniff and turned her head. "And don't you forget it."
"Ha." Charlie opened her eye to see his small grin.
She reached her hand out once more. "Let's go home, Merlin."
He took it.
"Hah! I have a brother!" Charlie began to tug him along, her excitement clearing the lingering gloom in her heart and the area around alike.
"I'm sorry, Vaggie. I put a lot on you, and-" Charlie looked to me.
"It's good to step outside your comfort zone, for yourself or others. But don't expect perfection on a first try. I've certainly failed more than once." I gave them a droll smile.
Vaggie nodded thoughtfully, then we all looked down. "Huh. Well whaddya know." She smiled.
"-you did good, kid." Husk pat Pentious on the shoulder.
"I- oh well I guess I did get in a bit of the old tussle today, didn't I?" Sir Pentious perked up. "And Cain was astounding! He stopped those rapscallions in their tracks without breaking a single bone!"
"Yeah, the big guy came through." Angel flashed him a smile. "Niff too, surprisingly."
"Stab stab stab" the gremlin chanted, staring at the now-stained thorn in her grip. Cain gently plucked it from her and gave her a flower. "Ooooh. Pretty! I'll put it in a vase." And she scrambled off.
Cain scratched his belly. "You guys coulda done it on your own, but uhh. I get attached easy. No shitlords get to put their mitts - or firebombs - on my friends." He gave a bashful look. "Least, I hope we're friends."
"Buddy, if any man did half of what you did down there for me I'd tie myself to his bed for a month." Angel shook a finger at Cain. Then he smirked. "We're friends."
"Cool. But uh, as good as you probably are at your job-"
"Very."
"My boyfriend's a protean shapeshifter. Am's given himself all kinds of bits and limbs to play with."
I felt heat go up my neck. "Oh no."
Husk's eyes went wide. "Uh-"
"So echidnas- they have four dicks. I couldn't walk the next day! Oh, or the one where he swapped to hyena gear for a pussy and a giant clit!"
Vaggie looked at me in horror.
Charlie rubbed her face. "You'll be glad to know I am mostly immune to this. My parents weren't quiet, and Dad apparently has the same powers. Even so- yikes."
Husk let out a quiet yowl and made a beeline for the forget juice at the bar. Pentious slithered along behind him at speed.
Angel's gaze swung to me, eyes wide with envy and no small amount of lust. "So uh, you boys do threesomes?" he called.
I gripped my cane until it creaked, my knuckles white. "Cain. One more word and I'm blueballing you tonight."
Cain stuffed his knuckles into his mouth and bit, eyes darting to and fro.
Of course, that's when Alastor walked in. "Another successful day?" he asked, Egg Boiz in tow.
"Kept them alive, huh?" Vaggie asked, glad for the distraction.
"Oh, the little monsters have their uses." Alastor grinned.
Carmilla Carmine knows how to kill angels - and has done so. More than this Hotel, that must be what spurred them to action. Now as for the how, it must be replicable - after all, for all her power she lacks anything particularly unique.
I blinked at the thought. Well. Called that. Not that Carmilla did it, but still.
"Well Pentious, I guess I can trust you with the minions after all. But no war machines." Vaggie crossed her arms.
"Eggies! Welcome back!" Pentious threw out his arms as the little eggs swarmed him.
"Hey boss!" "Good to be back, boss!"
"NOW GO CLEAN MY QUARTERS THIS INSTANT!" Pentious shrieked, and the Eggs cheerfully followed his pointer finger.
I let out a long exhale. "What a day." I rubbed my forehead.
"Yeah. But hey, everyone but Alastor likes each other and I got a brother out of it!" Charlie flashed a thumbs up.
Vaggie blinked. Looked at me. Noticed the lack of beard. "Holy shit you told her."
"I was planning on it regardless." I sniffed. "...wonder how Odette put my flashbang rune to use."
____________________________________________________________________________
Velvette kept the sleep mask on, scowling as she sipped her cosmo.
"Aww. Rough meeting, princesa?" Valentino jeered in a croon.
"Valentino. I have had my retinas torched and bloody glurge-pop funneled into my earholes for the temerity of crossing Carmilla Carmine. Today is not the day, love."
"Leave her be, Val. It sounds like our mystery friend from the Hotel might be more than cut-rate garbage if he can make things capable of doing that to one of us." Vox examined the footage from one of his drones hovering outside the building itself. "Huh. Without the beard, he's a dead ringer for Lucifer. Taller, but still."
"Hmm. Wonder if I could get him to star in a video. Everyone wants a piece of the king, but a stunt dick would do wonders for our pockets." Val sashayed over to Vox. "Set him up for a few rounds with Angel Dust, then let my boys have him."
The footage showed beams and glass twirl through the air, forming a structure to the side of the Hotel.
"The fuck is that!?" Val squawked, jerking back.
The stranger waved his hands, and the addition came together.
"Looks like a greenhouse. He does plants?" Vox zoomed in, and- "Wait. That guy's come and gone from Good Succ." He pointed at a big round sinner in plaid with a sunhat. "He's no joke either. What the fuck is going on in there?"
The giant hugged the Lucifer-copy, and planted the kind of kiss Val would give him right there in the open.
"Well he likes bears. That's nice I guess. Eh." Val shrugged, tapping his pipe.
The giant looked up-
And a spray of vines snatched every drone out of the sky.
The two Vees not debilitated watched in silence as every screen went to gray static.
"...Alastor's not the biggest fuck there anymore. Lucifer knock-off has at least some of maybe-daddy's power, and that guy probably made the forest." Vox stood up, blood dribbling down his screen from his mouth. "Well shit." He twitched.
"Vox. The fuck's name is Ambrose, and he's the reason we're not seeing Springtime for Hitler down here. We are not antagonizing him at any cost. He tossed a coin between icing me or Ronald Reagan, and decided to add a tally for his ex-presidents. The fucker is slippery as shit, and held in good regard by Carmine and Zestial." Velvette didn't move, but Vox heard the strain in her voice.
"Mm. Well, if nothing else we can reach out. See if he's willing to play ball."
"No. We don't want his attention. At all. People who get his attention either flourish or die. No inbetween. He's hitched himself to the princess, and if that fucking Radio Demon is still breathing then he's picked a favorite. We cannot afford a fight with him."
Vox stilled at the naked fear in those words.
Val hummed. "Might not be a bad idea to let him do what he does and keep an eye out, amorcito. Be prepared in case he decides to take a swing." His hesitation spoke to Vox almost as much as Velvette's fear. Velvette didn't respect anyone, didn't fear anything. That this guy had her on the back foot? Even Val could tell he might be someone not to take unprepared.
Vox slowly sank down into his chair, staring at the blank screens. "Yeah." He frowned, leaning his wide chin on a fist. "Might not be a bad idea at all."
"Valentino. I have had my retinas torched and bloody glurge-pop funneled into my earholes for the temerity of crossing Carmilla Carmine. Today is not the day, love."
Also the songs will definitely bloat the word count, so the more musical chapters will be longer.