Hello, My Name is Death - I Need An Adult
Shadows
Sacred Priestess of the Benevolent Dice Gods
- Location
- USS Civilian, DDG-214
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Hello, My Name is Death
"Well, it all started off about as it normally does." Death said, studying the trophies Artemis had arrayed in the room across from the living room for what was probably the thirty-millionth time. "Got in to work, delivered a thousand decent people before I had to deal with the first jerk, which turned into a streak of jerks… then it got weird."
"Weird how?" Artemis asked, her chin on Death's upper arm. Death wasn't a tall god by any stretch, but Artemis was tiny.
"Shiva blew up a solar system."
"... wait, run that by me again?" Artemis said, blinking and disengaging from her hug.
"Shiva. Blew up a solar system." Death said, her hand clapped over her forehead. "When I asked him why he just said 'It needed it.' Like, I know he's going to reuse the material and build a new system, but when that one had thirteen billion inhabitants that I had to deal with…" she said, shuddering. "That took all morning with every Reaper I have working on it."
Artemis winced. "That does sound like a chore."
"Tell me about it. Sixty million crossings in twelve hours!" Death complained, stretching. "Like, that had me worn out before your stepmother got involved!"
Artemis groaned. "Because of course she did."
"It was pretty sedate, other than that… well, with the exception of a Champion of Ares getting his murder boner on, over in the Middle East." Death said, turning and flopping backwards onto the couch, her legs hanging over the back. "Seriously though. I think Shiva was just bored and couldn't refrain from indulging his explosion boner on a populated system."
"Like God, like champion I guess." Artemis said, joining Death, her little feet swaying in the air.
"Eh?" Death questioned, propping up on one elbow to look at her.
"Eh what? Oh. One of Shiva's champions is Michael Bay." Artemis said with a shrug.
Death blinked, her mouth dropping open, before she shut it and blinked again, nodding. "That explains Transformers, then."
"That and every other Bay movie, yeah." Artemis said, tucking her legs in and rolling backward off the couch. Death twisted around to sit upright, and noticed something new.
"Did you go hunting today?" she asked.
Artemis nodded and indicated the new trophy. "Nemean Lion. I'm kinda ashamed I hadn't gotten around to killing one until now, but hey! It was a fun, refreshingly new hunt against something I had no prior experience with!" she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I went with a couple of my Daughters. We've got this new girl in, Ying Yue, and if I didn't know she was born this century I'd've sworn she could have stepped off the Great Wall when that was a going concern."
"That good?"
Artemis nodded fervently. "Oh yes! Found her in the woods in Yunnan while on the trail of the Nemean, actually. I gave her my bow to do the job with." she said, and her features darkened. "Her father is now on my shit list, by the by."
"What'd he do?" Death asked, internally dreading the answer.
Artemis' form shifted like water, taking on the guise of a slight Chinese girl who would be beautiful if it weren't for the blotchy bruises which covered her face and arms and made her cheeks puffy with swelling. Death winced.
"I've seen that before… just, I'm never around in time to put a stop to it." Death mumbled. Artemis shifted back to her normal sandalwood-complexioned tininess, and ran one hand through her wavy mane of light brown hair, kissed by the sun into a shade just shy of blonde.
"The Fates guide them across my path every now and again." Artemis said. "I always offer them a choice - stay with me and hunt, eternally young, or at least let me deal with the problem." She materialized her bow in her hand, and the great olivewood bow stood nearly twice her height, tapping against the ceiling. She examined it. "I get a lot more takers for the second option. Which suits me fine, but I used to be able to do more."
"Sucks to have your believers on the decline." Death said, playing with her hair. "I remember when you used to be able to swoop in and just know when a little girl somewhere was in danger."
Artemis sighed and let her bow vanish. "Yeah, can't very well be their protector, patron god if not many believe in you anymore. Been weird the last couple of years though; all of the pagan gods have been on the upswing. Even some of the Zoroastrians are waking up again."
Death's face twisted in distaste. "Yeah, and I've been having to deal with their death gods. Some of those folks are jerks. Like, Hades-slash-Pluto, them I can deal with. Hades is actually pretty chill if you agree with him that Persephone is pretty. Which isn't hard, because she is." Artemis nodded along. "But some of the Mesoamericans? Zoroastrians? Yeah no. I have to shuffle them off into their own departments so they can't convince their people to start doing sacrifices again."
"Hey, sacrifices are gr-" Artemis started to protest, before stopping. "Wait, you meant human."
Death nodded. "I've taken a great many dogs and cats and dolphins and such to the afterlife, but anything less than that doesn't usually do anything but just… disappear. So that's whatever to me. But, like, people, they're scared and hurt and the situation is crap and… no."
Artemis nodded in agreement, before bouncing in place. "Ooh! I've got something I want to do today! It's a great idea, and you should come with!" she said, grinning ferally.
"What's that?" Death said, hopping off the couch.
"We're gonna go bug Banka, Cernunnos and Skaði! They're putting together a big party for all the hunter gods and I want my best friend for eternity to come with!" Artemis said, grinning and dancing in place. "A bunch of our Champions are showing up, so you can bring one of your Embraced with us! Whaddya say?"
[] Sure, I'll go!
- [] I'm bringing Rose! (The First, Der Schnitter, The Hero of Caen, Destroyer of Auschwitz)
- [] I'm bringing Marie! (The Second, The Shapeshifter, Mantle-carrier, Killer of Der Fuhrer)
- [] I'm bringing McCree! (The Third, The Gunslinger, The Last True Cowboy, Fastest Gun on the Western Front)
- [] I'm bringing Sam! (The Fourth, The Shadow-walker, The Night Terror, Fastest Blade on the Eastern Front)
- [] I'm bringing Winter! (The Fifth, The Light-walker, The Experiment, The Hero of Berlin)
[] Are you sure? I'm not exactly the life of parties... and Greek ones are something else.
[] I probably shouldn't. I'm kinda tired...
I Need An Adult
"Well, it all started off about as it normally does." Death said, studying the trophies Artemis had arrayed in the room across from the living room for what was probably the thirty-millionth time. "Got in to work, delivered a thousand decent people before I had to deal with the first jerk, which turned into a streak of jerks… then it got weird."
"Weird how?" Artemis asked, her chin on Death's upper arm. Death wasn't a tall god by any stretch, but Artemis was tiny.
"Shiva blew up a solar system."
"... wait, run that by me again?" Artemis said, blinking and disengaging from her hug.
"Shiva. Blew up a solar system." Death said, her hand clapped over her forehead. "When I asked him why he just said 'It needed it.' Like, I know he's going to reuse the material and build a new system, but when that one had thirteen billion inhabitants that I had to deal with…" she said, shuddering. "That took all morning with every Reaper I have working on it."
Artemis winced. "That does sound like a chore."
"Tell me about it. Sixty million crossings in twelve hours!" Death complained, stretching. "Like, that had me worn out before your stepmother got involved!"
Artemis groaned. "Because of course she did."
"It was pretty sedate, other than that… well, with the exception of a Champion of Ares getting his murder boner on, over in the Middle East." Death said, turning and flopping backwards onto the couch, her legs hanging over the back. "Seriously though. I think Shiva was just bored and couldn't refrain from indulging his explosion boner on a populated system."
"Like God, like champion I guess." Artemis said, joining Death, her little feet swaying in the air.
"Eh?" Death questioned, propping up on one elbow to look at her.
"Eh what? Oh. One of Shiva's champions is Michael Bay." Artemis said with a shrug.
Death blinked, her mouth dropping open, before she shut it and blinked again, nodding. "That explains Transformers, then."
"That and every other Bay movie, yeah." Artemis said, tucking her legs in and rolling backward off the couch. Death twisted around to sit upright, and noticed something new.
"Did you go hunting today?" she asked.
Artemis nodded and indicated the new trophy. "Nemean Lion. I'm kinda ashamed I hadn't gotten around to killing one until now, but hey! It was a fun, refreshingly new hunt against something I had no prior experience with!" she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I went with a couple of my Daughters. We've got this new girl in, Ying Yue, and if I didn't know she was born this century I'd've sworn she could have stepped off the Great Wall when that was a going concern."
"That good?"
Artemis nodded fervently. "Oh yes! Found her in the woods in Yunnan while on the trail of the Nemean, actually. I gave her my bow to do the job with." she said, and her features darkened. "Her father is now on my shit list, by the by."
"What'd he do?" Death asked, internally dreading the answer.
Artemis' form shifted like water, taking on the guise of a slight Chinese girl who would be beautiful if it weren't for the blotchy bruises which covered her face and arms and made her cheeks puffy with swelling. Death winced.
"I've seen that before… just, I'm never around in time to put a stop to it." Death mumbled. Artemis shifted back to her normal sandalwood-complexioned tininess, and ran one hand through her wavy mane of light brown hair, kissed by the sun into a shade just shy of blonde.
"The Fates guide them across my path every now and again." Artemis said. "I always offer them a choice - stay with me and hunt, eternally young, or at least let me deal with the problem." She materialized her bow in her hand, and the great olivewood bow stood nearly twice her height, tapping against the ceiling. She examined it. "I get a lot more takers for the second option. Which suits me fine, but I used to be able to do more."
"Sucks to have your believers on the decline." Death said, playing with her hair. "I remember when you used to be able to swoop in and just know when a little girl somewhere was in danger."
Artemis sighed and let her bow vanish. "Yeah, can't very well be their protector, patron god if not many believe in you anymore. Been weird the last couple of years though; all of the pagan gods have been on the upswing. Even some of the Zoroastrians are waking up again."
Death's face twisted in distaste. "Yeah, and I've been having to deal with their death gods. Some of those folks are jerks. Like, Hades-slash-Pluto, them I can deal with. Hades is actually pretty chill if you agree with him that Persephone is pretty. Which isn't hard, because she is." Artemis nodded along. "But some of the Mesoamericans? Zoroastrians? Yeah no. I have to shuffle them off into their own departments so they can't convince their people to start doing sacrifices again."
"Hey, sacrifices are gr-" Artemis started to protest, before stopping. "Wait, you meant human."
Death nodded. "I've taken a great many dogs and cats and dolphins and such to the afterlife, but anything less than that doesn't usually do anything but just… disappear. So that's whatever to me. But, like, people, they're scared and hurt and the situation is crap and… no."
Artemis nodded in agreement, before bouncing in place. "Ooh! I've got something I want to do today! It's a great idea, and you should come with!" she said, grinning ferally.
"What's that?" Death said, hopping off the couch.
"We're gonna go bug Banka, Cernunnos and Skaði! They're putting together a big party for all the hunter gods and I want my best friend for eternity to come with!" Artemis said, grinning and dancing in place. "A bunch of our Champions are showing up, so you can bring one of your Embraced with us! Whaddya say?"
[] Sure, I'll go!
- [] I'm bringing Rose! (The First, Der Schnitter, The Hero of Caen, Destroyer of Auschwitz)
- [] I'm bringing Marie! (The Second, The Shapeshifter, Mantle-carrier, Killer of Der Fuhrer)
- [] I'm bringing McCree! (The Third, The Gunslinger, The Last True Cowboy, Fastest Gun on the Western Front)
- [] I'm bringing Sam! (The Fourth, The Shadow-walker, The Night Terror, Fastest Blade on the Eastern Front)
- [] I'm bringing Winter! (The Fifth, The Light-walker, The Experiment, The Hero of Berlin)
[] Are you sure? I'm not exactly the life of parties... and Greek ones are something else.
[] I probably shouldn't. I'm kinda tired...
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