Non-canon April Fools 2022
Lady Darkhound
Haha, tanks!
- Location
- My very own personal hell
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Hell On Tracks
Non-canon April Fools 2022
++++++++++
Kay Yorktown had been having a good day. There was an exhibition match against St Gloriana's tonight, the team was pumped and ready to go, Faye Faith had said there would be chicken fried steak at the 445 for dinner today, and both El and Lulu had sent her texts wishing her luck against the British-themed team. Even classes had been fun today instead of boring or frustrating!
Naturally, that all changed when the blonde was released early from math class to get the team ready for the match. Tally had requested that Kay give her a ride over to the garage when they got released early, and yet, when the blonde made it to their meeting point in her Willys MB, her girlfriend was nowhere to be found.
"Come on, Tally! You're never late!" Kay grumbled, looking around the parking lot. When the braided redhead failed to appear out of thin air, Kay pulled her phone out and sent Tally a text.
Kay: I'm waiting for you in the parking lot! Where are you?
Tally: new phone who dis
K: It's Kay!
T: o shit
T: ill be there soon
Kay stared at the exchange. That… that was not Tally. The redhead never cursed, and she always capitalized and punctuated her texts. Well, whoever they were, at least they'd either be there soon, or were somewhere else entirely. Maybe then, Kay could get into solving the puzzle of what happened to her girlfriend.
She'd give the mystery person three minutes, then she'd leave. There was still lots of last minute prep work to be done, and if Tally was MIA, that meant more work for the rest of the command team. The first two minutes were spent browsing her phone, trying to figure out if something weird had happened while she wasn't paying attention, and the third was watching the school building in front of her.
A familiar face came jogging out of the school building. She was tall, with sandy blonde hair, excited hazel eyes, and wearing a uniform that Kay had literally never seen her wear before. Why would she, when Rachel Knight was supposed to be a Matilda commander at St Gloriana's?
"What the hell? You're actually waiting for me?" Rach asked, staring at Kay and her jeep in shock. She only paused a moment before continuing over to the vehicle. "I appreciate the thought, Cap, but I thought call time was after classes got out!"
Kay gaped. "I… what? Rach? What are you doing here? Where's Tally?"
"Where's Tally?" Rach echoed, raising an eyebrow. "Last I heard, back in the States. She didn't have the grades to make it here or to St Glo like she wanted."
The shorter blonde blinked. "She's in the US? But she's Turkey's commander!"
"You okay, Cap? Turkey's been inactive all year!"
Kay hummed noncommittally. "Just get in the car. May as well get you to the garage."
Rach acquiesced, and climbed into shotgun. "Well, thanks for the ride. Warden's a pain in the ass to get running, so the extra time is much appreciated!"
"Happy to help!" the team captain said, giving the taller girl a thumbs up. As soon as Rach was seated, Kay stepped on it, leaving skid marks on the ground as she careened towards the sensha-do garage. It was a thankfully short drive, and the blonde didn't give Rach much more than a nod as she climbed out of the jeep and made her way over to the command room.
Naomi, Alisa, and Hannah were all waiting like Kay expected, but once again, Tally was missing. So was Lou. "What are we looking at?"
"Well, we've got St Gloriana's predicted lineup, just going by what they used during the regular season," Alisa began, pulling out a file folder. "Darjeeling will probably have her Churchill be the flag tank, escorted by a force that primarily consists of Matildas. However, they also have a force of Crusaders that we'll need to worry about. We'll have to rely on Eagle as a flank guard to cover us."
"Should be three or four Crusaders," Hannah piped up. While Alisa continued sorting through her file folder, the redhead (and wasn't that a thought, with the expected redhead being completely MIA) started pulling Alisa's miniature tanks out from the cabinet. A green Churchill, five brown Matildas, and four gray Crusaders were placed at one end of the big map spanning the central table, while Saunders' own forces were laid out on the other end. Wiz, Alisa's M4A1, Pluck, Naomi's Firefly, Warden, the M6 that apparently Rach was commanding, and seven basic M4s, including the blonde's own beloved Spunky.
The battlefield itself was fairly open. Not completely open, and there were certain chokepoints that Kay would really rather not push without Warden or Axe, knowing the propensity of St Glo to utilize their heavier armored tanks, but also not so wide that Rosehip's Crusaders or Tally in Izumi would be able to rampage like nobody's business.
Tally…
Something about the redhead's continued absence bothered Kay, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.
"Good work. Can I trust you three to come up with the details of the plan we hashed out yesterday? I need to go check on something real quick…"
"You okay?" Naomi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Damned if I know… something feels fucky today," Kay paused and looked around the room. Naomi seemed impassive, Hannah was visibly confused, but Alisa… Alisa squirmed slightly under Kay's gaze. "Alisa, come with me."
"Y-yes, Ma'am!"
As soon as the two of them were outside the command room, Kay gently rounded on her second in command. "Do you have any idea where the fuck Tally went?"
"...who?"
"My girlfriend. Red hair that she always wears with a braid, about five foot five, loves light tanks and going fast? Super cheerful?"
Again, Alisa hesitated. "You have a girlfriend?"
Kay just stared for a moment before walking up to the nearest wall and smashing her forehead into it. It hurt. A lot. But almost more importantly, she left a small dent in the metal wall. Alisa's eyes went wide, and she quickly rushed back inside the command room.
"Shit…" Kay groaned. "What the ever loving fuck is going on here?"
Naturally, nothing answered her. Kay glared at the dent in the wall, as if willing it to magically fix itself. When that didn't happen, the blonde let out another sigh and set off for a very specific part of the garage. Tally had always called it the Oddball Corner, where Turkey Company's light tanks, Ironside Platoon's non-Jumbo heavies, the two Lees, and the lone, unused Hellcat usually waited.
Warden and Toast weren't there, which made a certain amount of sense if Rach was involved with the Ironsides, but Izumi and Bolt both were. The two M5A1 Stuarts looked to be in pretty bad shape, like they had before Tally came and fixed Izumi up.
"Hey Izumi…" Kay said softly, walking up to the light tank in question. She reached out and patted "I know you can't really respond to me, but… today has just been a really weird day for me. Tally's missing, Rach is commanding Warden when she should be at St Glo, you're not fixed up at all, and I just… What's going on? Why has the world gone all topsy-turvy?"
Kay imagined that the spirit of the M5A1, if she was even there, was just as confused as she was. It felt absurd to think about, but if Alisa didn't know about Tally, if Rach had just always gone to Saunders instead of St Gloriana's, and all the other minor points of confusion going around, then Izumi almost certainly didn't know about her redheaded TC.
Maybe Faye Faith or Henley would know, since they were rather close with Tally. Or had been. Yeah. Maybe they knew something that Kay didn't. She'd have to ask them during setup and before they got their food truck up.
Nobody knew anything. Jane and April weren't on the sensha-do team, Turkey Company was completely defunct, Rachel Knight was one of two TCs in Ironside Platoon (the other being Kay herself, when she needed the extra armor that the Sherman Jumbo provided), and while Ace seemed to be around, her TC was also nowhere to be found.
Tally Evans and Louise Tuckerman were both missing, but Kay Yorktown was the only person who seemed to realize that.
"You found her, and then immediately lost her?" Jade Henley demanded. "You knew where my twin was?"
"Look, Henley, I don't know anymore," Kay replied, cupping her face in her hands. "Because for whatever fucking reason, I'm the only person who remembers Tally Evans attending Saunders!"
"Easy there," the redhead replied, gently patting Kay's shoulder. "I know what that's like, knowing something that nobody else seems to know… but you may want to look behind you…"
"What?" the blonde team captain intoned. She pivoted and immediately zeroed in on an approaching pack of St Gloriana's girls, led by Darjeeling herself. But behind the Font of Other People's Wisdom was a rather surprising person. Blue eyes, pinkish-red hair in a braid, and a bright, confident smile on her face.
Tally Evans… was wearing the St Gloriana's uniform.
"...what?" Kay repeated.
"Hello, Kay," Darjeeling led off, ever so elegantly. "It's a pleasure to see you after that slight kerfuffle in April."
"Hey Darj!" Kay replied on instinct, her mind still stuck on the fact that Tally Evans was wearing the St Gloriana's uniform. "What's up?"
"I was just coming over to visit your camp to introduce you to the newest members of the Tea Garden," Darj explained, taking a sip of her ever-present tea. "May I introduce you to Orange Pekoe, Rosehip, and Rose Petal?"
Three girls stepped forward, using Darjeeling's introduction of them as a cue. The first, Orange Pekoe, was a shorter ginger who looked like she was copying Darjeeling's hairstyle. She gave a polite curtsey, which Kay returned with a nod. The second girl was a very enthusiastic with hair that was even closer to pink than Tally's. Rosehip gave Kay an energetic but very sloppy salute, somehow spilling her tea everywhere except on the people around her.
And finally, Tally "Rose Petal" Evans stepped forward and gave Kay a crisp salute and confident smile. "It's nice to meet you, ma'am."
Kay blinked. "...Tally?"
Rose Petal dropped her salute and peered at Kay, an inquisitive look on her face. "Ma'am? You know my name?"
"What the fuck is going on here?" a very confused Henley asked. She was rapidly looking between the two blonde team leaders and her identical twin dressed in the wrong uniform, trying to figure out if there was an answer to her question.
"Language!" Tally snapped. She blinked and immediately gave a slight bow. "My apologies. I am working on my instinct to snap at someone whenever they say something uncouth."
"It's fine," Henley replied, waving off her twin's worries. "I'm just confused as to why I have an evil twin running around at St Gloriana's of all places."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"You and me are fucking identical!"
"Language!"
"Shove it up your ass!"
"How rude!"
Kay just rubbed her temple as the twins began to bicker like the siblings they weren't. "Say, Darj, want to step away from the insanity for a bit? I have something I'd like to discuss with you in private."
"Of course," Darjeeling nodded. She turned to her subordinates. "Assam, please make sure everyone makes it safely back to our encampment. And should any Kuromorimine students come by, please make sure they are well cared for. It is the least we can do, since they were gracious enough to lend us their field for our exhibition match."
Assam nodded and began coordinating as Kay grabbed Darjeeling by the shoulder and steered her over towards where the Saunders command tent had been set up. Naomi had been working on something, but she saw Kay bring in the other team's captain and immediately vacated the area, leaving the two old friends alone.
"Darj… Lizzie… please tell me I'm not crazy," Kay began.
"You aren't crazy, Kay."
"I seem to be the only person here who remembers your 'Rose Petal' as Tally Evans, who was a Stuart commander here at Saunders… as well as my girlfriend," Kay explained.
"I retract my previous statement."
"Fuck off," Kay immediately snapped. Elizabeth took the quip in stride, merely inclining her head towards the blatantly American girl. "In fact, it looks to me like she swapped places with Rach Knight. In my weird, I dunno, fantasy, Rach was a Matilda commander, and had the tea name Arizona."
"...ah," Darjeeling intoned simply, taking a sip of her tea. "I was wondering where Arizona had gotten to."
"Wait, you know?!"
"Of course I do. But it is nice to learn that my insanity is shared with you."
Kay flashed her old friend the traditional rude gesture of her people. Elizabeth gave her a cheeky grin and shot one right back before recomposing herself. "Damn, Darj. Didn't know you still had it in you!"
"Kay, surely you must know by now that St Gloriana's has not reshaped me, merely refined me. I thought you would have learned that by now."
"Yeah, yeah, I getcha. Just-" Kay cut herself off as a commotion began outside. She stood up and quickly made her way to the tent's door, where… "Why the fuck is there a King Tiger in the middle of our camp?"
"Hmm?" Darjeeling asked, stepping out a moment later. "Oh my…"
Maho Nishizumi had a peculiar look on her face. She was halfway out the hatch of the driver's position on the Konigstiger when she spied Kay and Darj. "Kay! Get over here right now!"
She didn't need to say it twice, because Kay was already jogging over. No reason not to, what with Louise Tuckerman sitting in the heavy tank's commander's cupola.
Author's Note: Well, it's about a week late and not quite what I wanted, but the idea is there! Happy April Fools everyone! For those of you who don't know her, Louise "Lou" Tuckerman belongs to the amazing @Salocin. If you don't recognize her, go and check out her story, Ace, as well as the collab that we're (very slowly) working on, Yet Still We Sail! And in case you somehow missed it, here's the art that I got to go along with this chapter!
Non-canon April Fools 2022
++++++++++
Kay Yorktown had been having a good day. There was an exhibition match against St Gloriana's tonight, the team was pumped and ready to go, Faye Faith had said there would be chicken fried steak at the 445 for dinner today, and both El and Lulu had sent her texts wishing her luck against the British-themed team. Even classes had been fun today instead of boring or frustrating!
Naturally, that all changed when the blonde was released early from math class to get the team ready for the match. Tally had requested that Kay give her a ride over to the garage when they got released early, and yet, when the blonde made it to their meeting point in her Willys MB, her girlfriend was nowhere to be found.
"Come on, Tally! You're never late!" Kay grumbled, looking around the parking lot. When the braided redhead failed to appear out of thin air, Kay pulled her phone out and sent Tally a text.
Kay: I'm waiting for you in the parking lot! Where are you?
Tally: new phone who dis
K: It's Kay!
T: o shit
T: ill be there soon
Kay stared at the exchange. That… that was not Tally. The redhead never cursed, and she always capitalized and punctuated her texts. Well, whoever they were, at least they'd either be there soon, or were somewhere else entirely. Maybe then, Kay could get into solving the puzzle of what happened to her girlfriend.
She'd give the mystery person three minutes, then she'd leave. There was still lots of last minute prep work to be done, and if Tally was MIA, that meant more work for the rest of the command team. The first two minutes were spent browsing her phone, trying to figure out if something weird had happened while she wasn't paying attention, and the third was watching the school building in front of her.
A familiar face came jogging out of the school building. She was tall, with sandy blonde hair, excited hazel eyes, and wearing a uniform that Kay had literally never seen her wear before. Why would she, when Rachel Knight was supposed to be a Matilda commander at St Gloriana's?
"What the hell? You're actually waiting for me?" Rach asked, staring at Kay and her jeep in shock. She only paused a moment before continuing over to the vehicle. "I appreciate the thought, Cap, but I thought call time was after classes got out!"
Kay gaped. "I… what? Rach? What are you doing here? Where's Tally?"
"Where's Tally?" Rach echoed, raising an eyebrow. "Last I heard, back in the States. She didn't have the grades to make it here or to St Glo like she wanted."
The shorter blonde blinked. "She's in the US? But she's Turkey's commander!"
"You okay, Cap? Turkey's been inactive all year!"
Kay hummed noncommittally. "Just get in the car. May as well get you to the garage."
Rach acquiesced, and climbed into shotgun. "Well, thanks for the ride. Warden's a pain in the ass to get running, so the extra time is much appreciated!"
"Happy to help!" the team captain said, giving the taller girl a thumbs up. As soon as Rach was seated, Kay stepped on it, leaving skid marks on the ground as she careened towards the sensha-do garage. It was a thankfully short drive, and the blonde didn't give Rach much more than a nod as she climbed out of the jeep and made her way over to the command room.
Naomi, Alisa, and Hannah were all waiting like Kay expected, but once again, Tally was missing. So was Lou. "What are we looking at?"
"Well, we've got St Gloriana's predicted lineup, just going by what they used during the regular season," Alisa began, pulling out a file folder. "Darjeeling will probably have her Churchill be the flag tank, escorted by a force that primarily consists of Matildas. However, they also have a force of Crusaders that we'll need to worry about. We'll have to rely on Eagle as a flank guard to cover us."
"Should be three or four Crusaders," Hannah piped up. While Alisa continued sorting through her file folder, the redhead (and wasn't that a thought, with the expected redhead being completely MIA) started pulling Alisa's miniature tanks out from the cabinet. A green Churchill, five brown Matildas, and four gray Crusaders were placed at one end of the big map spanning the central table, while Saunders' own forces were laid out on the other end. Wiz, Alisa's M4A1, Pluck, Naomi's Firefly, Warden, the M6 that apparently Rach was commanding, and seven basic M4s, including the blonde's own beloved Spunky.
The battlefield itself was fairly open. Not completely open, and there were certain chokepoints that Kay would really rather not push without Warden or Axe, knowing the propensity of St Glo to utilize their heavier armored tanks, but also not so wide that Rosehip's Crusaders or Tally in Izumi would be able to rampage like nobody's business.
Tally…
Something about the redhead's continued absence bothered Kay, but she just couldn't put her finger on it.
"Good work. Can I trust you three to come up with the details of the plan we hashed out yesterday? I need to go check on something real quick…"
"You okay?" Naomi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Damned if I know… something feels fucky today," Kay paused and looked around the room. Naomi seemed impassive, Hannah was visibly confused, but Alisa… Alisa squirmed slightly under Kay's gaze. "Alisa, come with me."
"Y-yes, Ma'am!"
As soon as the two of them were outside the command room, Kay gently rounded on her second in command. "Do you have any idea where the fuck Tally went?"
"...who?"
"My girlfriend. Red hair that she always wears with a braid, about five foot five, loves light tanks and going fast? Super cheerful?"
Again, Alisa hesitated. "You have a girlfriend?"
Kay just stared for a moment before walking up to the nearest wall and smashing her forehead into it. It hurt. A lot. But almost more importantly, she left a small dent in the metal wall. Alisa's eyes went wide, and she quickly rushed back inside the command room.
"Shit…" Kay groaned. "What the ever loving fuck is going on here?"
Naturally, nothing answered her. Kay glared at the dent in the wall, as if willing it to magically fix itself. When that didn't happen, the blonde let out another sigh and set off for a very specific part of the garage. Tally had always called it the Oddball Corner, where Turkey Company's light tanks, Ironside Platoon's non-Jumbo heavies, the two Lees, and the lone, unused Hellcat usually waited.
Warden and Toast weren't there, which made a certain amount of sense if Rach was involved with the Ironsides, but Izumi and Bolt both were. The two M5A1 Stuarts looked to be in pretty bad shape, like they had before Tally came and fixed Izumi up.
"Hey Izumi…" Kay said softly, walking up to the light tank in question. She reached out and patted "I know you can't really respond to me, but… today has just been a really weird day for me. Tally's missing, Rach is commanding Warden when she should be at St Glo, you're not fixed up at all, and I just… What's going on? Why has the world gone all topsy-turvy?"
Kay imagined that the spirit of the M5A1, if she was even there, was just as confused as she was. It felt absurd to think about, but if Alisa didn't know about Tally, if Rach had just always gone to Saunders instead of St Gloriana's, and all the other minor points of confusion going around, then Izumi almost certainly didn't know about her redheaded TC.
Maybe Faye Faith or Henley would know, since they were rather close with Tally. Or had been. Yeah. Maybe they knew something that Kay didn't. She'd have to ask them during setup and before they got their food truck up.
++++++++++
Nobody knew anything. Jane and April weren't on the sensha-do team, Turkey Company was completely defunct, Rachel Knight was one of two TCs in Ironside Platoon (the other being Kay herself, when she needed the extra armor that the Sherman Jumbo provided), and while Ace seemed to be around, her TC was also nowhere to be found.
Tally Evans and Louise Tuckerman were both missing, but Kay Yorktown was the only person who seemed to realize that.
"You found her, and then immediately lost her?" Jade Henley demanded. "You knew where my twin was?"
"Look, Henley, I don't know anymore," Kay replied, cupping her face in her hands. "Because for whatever fucking reason, I'm the only person who remembers Tally Evans attending Saunders!"
"Easy there," the redhead replied, gently patting Kay's shoulder. "I know what that's like, knowing something that nobody else seems to know… but you may want to look behind you…"
"What?" the blonde team captain intoned. She pivoted and immediately zeroed in on an approaching pack of St Gloriana's girls, led by Darjeeling herself. But behind the Font of Other People's Wisdom was a rather surprising person. Blue eyes, pinkish-red hair in a braid, and a bright, confident smile on her face.
Tally Evans… was wearing the St Gloriana's uniform.
"...what?" Kay repeated.
"Hello, Kay," Darjeeling led off, ever so elegantly. "It's a pleasure to see you after that slight kerfuffle in April."
"Hey Darj!" Kay replied on instinct, her mind still stuck on the fact that Tally Evans was wearing the St Gloriana's uniform. "What's up?"
"I was just coming over to visit your camp to introduce you to the newest members of the Tea Garden," Darj explained, taking a sip of her ever-present tea. "May I introduce you to Orange Pekoe, Rosehip, and Rose Petal?"
Three girls stepped forward, using Darjeeling's introduction of them as a cue. The first, Orange Pekoe, was a shorter ginger who looked like she was copying Darjeeling's hairstyle. She gave a polite curtsey, which Kay returned with a nod. The second girl was a very enthusiastic with hair that was even closer to pink than Tally's. Rosehip gave Kay an energetic but very sloppy salute, somehow spilling her tea everywhere except on the people around her.
And finally, Tally "Rose Petal" Evans stepped forward and gave Kay a crisp salute and confident smile. "It's nice to meet you, ma'am."
Kay blinked. "...Tally?"
Rose Petal dropped her salute and peered at Kay, an inquisitive look on her face. "Ma'am? You know my name?"
"What the fuck is going on here?" a very confused Henley asked. She was rapidly looking between the two blonde team leaders and her identical twin dressed in the wrong uniform, trying to figure out if there was an answer to her question.
"Language!" Tally snapped. She blinked and immediately gave a slight bow. "My apologies. I am working on my instinct to snap at someone whenever they say something uncouth."
"It's fine," Henley replied, waving off her twin's worries. "I'm just confused as to why I have an evil twin running around at St Gloriana's of all places."
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"You and me are fucking identical!"
"Language!"
"Shove it up your ass!"
"How rude!"
Kay just rubbed her temple as the twins began to bicker like the siblings they weren't. "Say, Darj, want to step away from the insanity for a bit? I have something I'd like to discuss with you in private."
"Of course," Darjeeling nodded. She turned to her subordinates. "Assam, please make sure everyone makes it safely back to our encampment. And should any Kuromorimine students come by, please make sure they are well cared for. It is the least we can do, since they were gracious enough to lend us their field for our exhibition match."
Assam nodded and began coordinating as Kay grabbed Darjeeling by the shoulder and steered her over towards where the Saunders command tent had been set up. Naomi had been working on something, but she saw Kay bring in the other team's captain and immediately vacated the area, leaving the two old friends alone.
"Darj… Lizzie… please tell me I'm not crazy," Kay began.
"You aren't crazy, Kay."
"I seem to be the only person here who remembers your 'Rose Petal' as Tally Evans, who was a Stuart commander here at Saunders… as well as my girlfriend," Kay explained.
"I retract my previous statement."
"Fuck off," Kay immediately snapped. Elizabeth took the quip in stride, merely inclining her head towards the blatantly American girl. "In fact, it looks to me like she swapped places with Rach Knight. In my weird, I dunno, fantasy, Rach was a Matilda commander, and had the tea name Arizona."
"...ah," Darjeeling intoned simply, taking a sip of her tea. "I was wondering where Arizona had gotten to."
"Wait, you know?!"
"Of course I do. But it is nice to learn that my insanity is shared with you."
Kay flashed her old friend the traditional rude gesture of her people. Elizabeth gave her a cheeky grin and shot one right back before recomposing herself. "Damn, Darj. Didn't know you still had it in you!"
"Kay, surely you must know by now that St Gloriana's has not reshaped me, merely refined me. I thought you would have learned that by now."
"Yeah, yeah, I getcha. Just-" Kay cut herself off as a commotion began outside. She stood up and quickly made her way to the tent's door, where… "Why the fuck is there a King Tiger in the middle of our camp?"
"Hmm?" Darjeeling asked, stepping out a moment later. "Oh my…"
Maho Nishizumi had a peculiar look on her face. She was halfway out the hatch of the driver's position on the Konigstiger when she spied Kay and Darj. "Kay! Get over here right now!"
She didn't need to say it twice, because Kay was already jogging over. No reason not to, what with Louise Tuckerman sitting in the heavy tank's commander's cupola.
Author's Note: Well, it's about a week late and not quite what I wanted, but the idea is there! Happy April Fools everyone! For those of you who don't know her, Louise "Lou" Tuckerman belongs to the amazing @Salocin. If you don't recognize her, go and check out her story, Ace, as well as the collab that we're (very slowly) working on, Yet Still We Sail! And in case you somehow missed it, here's the art that I got to go along with this chapter!
Today's art is brought to you by the amazing Icario, and features Tally, April, and Jane hanging out and having lunch with their M5A1 Stuart "Izumi"!
