Interlude 2.A
********************************
Let us consider an apple. Specifically, let us consider a Red Delicious apple, the kind that would be served as a part of a balanced lunch, even at a school like Winslow. Picture it, an apple, round, sweet and shiny, with the kind of gloss that can only be achieved by a thin layer of edible wax. No leaf poking out of the stem, one among many to be served to the children on that day.
If such an apple could speak, it would say something like, "Look at me, I'm nutritious and pert, ready for your consumption," or something of the like, anyway. Of course, being an apple, the apple could not speak. Nor could it do anything as the lunch lady, whose name ultimately did not matter, placed it upon a tray for a student.
The poor apple, placed alongside such lunch items as soggy French fries, some sort of meat loaf and some macaroni and cheese. It was like someone decided this poor platter needed some color and the apple was the one to provide it. Perhaps the apple would greet its fellow foodstuffs upon being placed on the platter.
"Hello, dear friends," the apple would say. "Is it not a glorious day to fulfill our purpose?"
"If you say so," the meatloaf would respond.
"We're ambivalent," would come from the soggy fries.
"What's got you all up in stuff? You fucking high or something?" the macaroni would be rather grumpy. After all, the cheese used by a school like Winslow would be rather cheap and vulgar.
The apple would then be offended. "We're food. We're here to be eaten."
Of course, an apple has no feelings, nor can any lunch tray's food talk. No, instead the tray was handed to a student in the line.
"Eww… Madison, why did you pick the meatloaf, of all things?" A girl, Julia asked. "Don't you usually get the better lunch?"
"Oh, this isn't for me," Madison said as she paid for the tray the apple was on. The apple would be curious as to who the tray was actually going to be for, but of course, the apple could not be curious, as it was an apple. "Hebert and her weird new friend are going to get it."
"Where the heck did that Addams freak come from, anyway?" Julia asked.
Where, indeed, the apple would wonder. If it could, of course. It would also wonder what, exactly, an Addams was and why these girls were not intending on eating it. The apple, of course, could not wonder these things. Nor could it ask the girls what their actual intents were, as it had no ability to speak. After all, it was simply an apple, one that could only sit as a bystander, while the girls conversed.
"Who even cares?" Madison answered. "We've just got to show her why nobody hangs out with that loser."
Two more girls, one with hair the color of the apple's skin, and another, darker skinned one approached the table. The girls at the table knew them as Emma Barnes and Sophia Hess. Of course, the apple would have found that out eventually. Well, if it could find things out. That said, it is an apple, and as such is unable to ask such probing questions as "who are they?" and "what do they want?" Such a poor unpleasant existence the apple must have.
"God, is Taylor actually eating in the cafeteria for once?" Emma asked.
"With the new girl," Madison confirmed. "Figures a pair of freaks would sit together."
Emma narrowed her eyes, and the apple would have wondered what Madison said that caused such a reaction. "What did you say?"
"That the freakish new girl sits with the school's biggest freak, Taylor," Julia said. "You should have seen their group report in World Studies. They spoke about some witch that was the new girl's relative or something. Such a freak."
"And of course, Hebert was all accepting and everything." Madison sneered. "Takes a freak to befriend a freak."
The logic was impeccable, and if the apple could input its two cents, it would agree. Freakish apples grew on trees too, and they were the ones that ended up being discarded, left to rot. People just wanted normal apples, like this one. It would agree with its purchaser. Alas, it could not as it was an apple.
"Shut up, Mads," Emma said sharply. "Don't call Taylor a freak."
"What? She totally is one," Madison said.
"Call her anything else, but don't call her that," Emma said. The apple would have said that there was a hint of worry on the redhead's face, but as noted previously, the apple could not, as it was an inanimate object, a fruit. It's not like there were any biotinkers that created sentient apples or anything.
That'd just be silly.
"Why not?" Sophia asked. "Seems like a decent insult."
Emma shook her head. "Trust me. Anything but that, please."
"Wow, Emma," Madison said. "That almost sounds like you're defending her."
"Why would I defend her? She's weak trash," Emma said, clearly finding some confidence. The apple wondered if she was compensating for something. Well, it would wonder. If it could. "Freak's too nice a word for her. Trash works."
"If you say so," Madison glanced around the lunch room. Unfortunately, from the angle of where the apple was, it would be unable to see what she was looking for even if it could see things. Which it can't, of course. Because it's an apple. "Huh, she actually did it."
"What?" Sophia followed the smaller girl's gaze. "Holy shit, Hebert's actually eating in the cafeteria for once. Who's that with her?"
"Addams," Julia said. "Wednesday Addams."
"Wednesday?" Emma scoffed. "What kind of name is that?"
"The boy at that table's the one who got in that swordfight," Sophia added. There was maybe a note of approval in her voice. Of course, the apple was no good at judging these things… or anything, really. It definitely wasn't capable of any actual thoughts of its own. "We should go show them why they shouldn't eat with that loser."
"It's why I got this," Madison said, gesturing to the tray.
The apple would have been a bit affronted by the implication that it would not get eaten that day. After all, apples were fruits, and those were to be eaten to help move the seeds. Still, though, the apple would also have been curious, had it the capability, as to what exactly the girls had planned. After all, if they weren't going to eat it, perhaps someone else would.
"Let's go," Emma said, and the four girls stood up, crossing the lunch room. Most people failed to give them a second glance. Some gave a wider berth, and the apple would have respected that. Probably, anyway. If it could. The redhead led the way across to where Taylor, Wednesday, and her brother Pugsley sat. Sitting in front of each of them was a small bag of cookies, a sandwich, and an unmarked juice box.
Oh, the state of the lunches in front of them was almost unacceptable to the apple. Not a single fruit among what was there. Yes, it would choose to assist Madison in whatever endeavor that she was planning. Well, it would choose, but it was an apple. It wasn't like there was an in-built AI within the apple that made it want to do apple things. It was an inanimate object. Like all apples.
"Well, Hebert, look who's eating in the cafeteria, for once," said Sophia. "I thought we established that this isn't your place."
Taylor looked up at the girls, but she did not respond. She simply took another bite of her sandwich. It was as if she was uncaring of the girls' presence, but that didn't seem completely right. She certainly was aware of them, but she wasn't acknowledging them.
"What's the matter, Hebert, cat got your tongue?" Julia asked.
"I've found that cats rarely have their own tongues," said Wednesday. "It is much easier to just do the manual removal yourself, but you can't just cut the tongue out at its base. Pliers are what was used for Great-Uncle Darius Addams."
Emma blinked and looked at Wednesday before sneering. "Are you trying to be funny? Was that supposed to be a joke?"
"I don't joke," Wednesday said.
"Not about family, anyway," Pugsley added.
The apple would wonder what exactly the next plan was, but alas, it could not. It could not be curious about whether Wednesday ever jokes about anything, nor could it conceive of the fact that what Madison, Sophia, Emma and Julia were planning was likely an extremely bad idea.
"Why are you two eating with Taylor, anyway?" Madison asked. "She's a loser."
"And a wimp," Sophia said.
"And a f—" Julia started.
"Terrible person," Emma said, cutting Julia off. It would have reminded the apple of the thing that Emma did not want Taylor to be called. Of course, as it was an apple, it could never be reminded of anything.
"She is interesting," Wednesday said. "And I would suggest that the three of you and the girl with you should return to your own table."
Sophia smirked and slammed her hand down on the table next to Taylor. "Have defenders now, Hebert?"
Taylor swallowed her sandwich and looked up at the other girl. "Just some new friends."
"Oh, but Taylor, you don't have any friends," Emma said with a pitying tone. "And soon you won't have any lunch."
Sophia snatched the cookies from in front of Taylor and passed them over to Julia. "Thanks for giving them to us."
"That's Taylor's," Pugsley said, popping a cookie of his own into his mouth. The apple would have agreed. After all, an apple is a much better thing to eat for lunch than a cookie, especially one made by someone like whoever made that. "You should give it back."
"What, you going to make us?" Sophia asked, clearly almost daring the boy to do something.
"Let it go, Pugsley," Taylor said, shaking her head, before he could even respond. The apple would probably wonder what made her give in so quickly, but of course, once more, it could not. Apples can't wonder anything. It especially could not wonder what exactly about the cookie would make Taylor not really care about it. Most people, in the limited experience the apple would have had if it were capable, far preferred cookies to apples, and that was a travesty. Taylor glanced to Sophia, placing the rest of her sandwich on the table. "They can have them."
"Mother packed the cookies for you," Wednesday said. "If you are certain that you do not want them…"
"It's not worth it," Taylor said. "Even if the cookies did look delicious."
Julia sneered and took a bite out of one of the cookies. She paused for a moment, considering. "These are too good for a trashy slut like you anyway."
"What flavor are they?" Madison asked.
"I'm not sure," Julia said, taking another bite and chewing. "They're sweet and a bit… crunchy?"
"Taylor, do you want one of mine?" Pugsley asked. "Mom's honey-cricket and arsenic cookies are the best."
"Wait, did he say cricket?" Emma asked.
"And arsenic?" Julia added, her voice going higher. The apple would wonder if the cookies she consumed also had arsenic in them and at what concentration. Bugs were not an uncommon thing to find in other apples, but they usually ended up with the apple being discarded. "I'm going to be sick… You're all—"
"God, that's just disgusting, Hebert," Sophia said, glaring at Taylor. "Then, I guess trash like you should eat trash."
"She looks like she belongs in it…" Madison sneered. She adjusted her grip on the tray that the apple sat on, and the apple wobbled a bit. Was it finally going to be eaten by something? It would have wondered exactly what this meant for its purpose, but Madison's movements would have distracted it. Would have, that is, if it could actually be distracted.
Once again. An apple is inanimate.
"I think I should go to the nurse," Julia said. "Arsenic's a poison, right?"
"There are trace amounts of arsenic in any number of things that you consume on a daily basis," Wednesday said.
"Water, chocolate, mystery meat, vegetables, even apples," Taylor said, glancing to the item on the tray.
The apple would feel affronted and call out the girl if it could, but instead it would have to settle for just sitting there, glaring with nonexistent eyes. (And a non-existent glare. Apples don't have feelings.)
"I'm going to be sick," Julia said and rushed off, taking the cookies with her.
Madison stepped out of her way, moving a bit closer to Taylor. In the process, she seemed to trip over her own feet, and her tray flipped up. "God, Hebert, watch where you're sticking those feet!"
The contents of the tray flew at Taylor, including the apple, but the dark-haired lanky girl shifted in her seat. The meatloaf, gravy-covered as it was, splattered on the bench next to Taylor. The macaroni and cheese landed on the floor, and the French fries scattered behind her. The apple, however, went flying.
Like an Alexandria package, the apple flew across the lunch room, an Apple-xandria package, if you will, crossing multiple tables before finally striking an Asian boy wearing a red and green armband in the back of the head. The apple would have apologized, were it capable. After all, it was only trying to get eaten, the goal of every apple. He looked at the apple and its trajectory, and it soon became obvious that he came to a completely incorrect conclusion as he sent the apple flying once more, this time headed for a white boy with a shaved head and a red and black armband.
The apple bounced twice off of the white boy, and then someone yelled at the top of their lungs. "Food fight!"
The apple was tossed a number of times, repeatedly, its waxy exterior protecting it from most of the collisions, at least until Jason Baker picked it up. The apple had no way of knowing this, as it was an apple, but Baker was Winslow High's star pitcher, and he didn't much like a particular member of the track team. He thought she was too arrogant, and he really didn't like what she did to other girls. In the chaos of the food fight, he found his target, and he pitched the apple, rather quickly, at Sophia Hess.
Perhaps it was luck or perhaps a trick of the light, but the apple looked like it hit dead on, but clearly it hadn't. After all, it kept going, until it smashed into the wall, splattering into a crushed mess. Bits of the apple were stepped upon, and they were carried along on the person's shoes. Other bits remained in the cafeteria, where they scattered on the floor, ready for the custodians to clean up.
Poor apple, it never got the chance to fulfil its purpose. But wait, two cockroaches approached from the dark depths of the wall, and they scurried across the floor to the remains of the apple.
The apple would let out a sigh, if it could, but its obviously not tinkertech body was now a pile of mush. At least something was eating it. Finally.
It was an apple. Now, it was apple sauce.
