«Don't Worry, it's Cattleya's Question and Answer Time!»
Another NPC presenter comes on to the stage, dressed in a khaki shirt and shorts. Behind him, sitting on one side of a long table in the middle of the stage, are the usual suspects - Argo, Kirito, Leafa and Silica. A vacant chair is left open next to Silica.
"G'day girls and boys of the Forum! Today we've got an extra-special episode of «Question and Answer Time» for you! Today's show is gonna be chock-a-block with critters, and Argo has even arranged for a special guest to come in and give you all the goss. That's right, we're gonna look at some common misconceptions about Faerie traits! Please, put your hands together fo…"
-Cue an interruption from the back of the audience. The camera swings towards a small pixie girl wearing a yellow dress and a tall, pointed yellow hat. She glows brightly as she pulls on the finger of a blonde, pointy-eared man carrying a rabbit in his other hand.
"Come on Bidashal-san, hurrry up! Fluffy-kun doesn't want to miss this episode, and we're going to be laaate! We're so lucky that Mr Agil gave us those free tickets!"
Bidashal: *grump* "Quiet down, Melin. We're already here." *Bidashal sits down, nodding to the NPC presenter as if deigning to give him permission to proceed*
-Cue camera swinging back to the presenter and panel.
"Crickey! Sorry 'bout that folks. Presenting the expert of experts, friend to animals and Fae everywhere, the Chief Supervisor of the Department of Exotic Studies at TRIMS - Miss Cattleya!"
*cheers and hollers abound as the wholesome young pinkette steps onto the stage in a dignified manner… for about two steps. Then she spies the panel, and a second later she bounds enthusiastically towards the table.
"Silica-chan! And Leafa and Kirito too! They didn't tell be you'd be here!"
*Cue camera catching Cattleya giving Silica a big warm hug*
"Ahem. If we could start the segment?"
*Cattleya gives the presenter a broad smile as she sits down in the vacant chair*
===
*A picture of a Spriggan with a forked piece of wood in his hand flashes onto the screen behind them.*
When Spriggans use a dowsing rod they find treasure instead of water.
Argo: *Chuckles from beneath her hood* "Nya-ow that's one where 'tis some truth behind th' rumors, sa. Spriggans do indeed have some skill in treasure hunting, but only th' high level ones gain th' ability to «Dowse». Kii-bou here will be happy so show you, though. We've even hidden some treasures in the studio for him to find!"
*Argo pokes Kirito in the side with a piece of wood shaped suspiciously like the rod in the picture behind them.*
Kirito: "Eh-h, th-that's right" *Kirito grabs the stick and springs to the front of the stage* "Cattleya helped me out learning this skill."
-Cue camera capturing the audience clapping once more and Koko helping Louise hold up a sign saying <Go Cattleya!>
Kirito: "You grasp the rod loosely in your dominant hand, spin around in a clockwise direction annnd…" *Kirito spins rapidly* "…DOWSE!"
- Cue Kirito coming to a sudden halt. The camera follows the direction of the rod, which is pointing midway up the right hand audience stand, directly at…
Leafa: "Wait, that's not gold – that's Asuna! You must have used the wrong hand, Kirito – try again!"
Kirito: "Sure, sure… lets try the non-dominant hand. Spinning around once more... counter…clockwise… annnnd…" *Kirito spins even more madly* "…DOWSE!"
-Cue the camera pointing to the front row of the left hand stage, directly at…
Leafa: "Kiri-tard, you must've done it wrong again! That's Yui-chan!"
*Ha-ha-hah-hah* Cattleya's musical giggles cause Leafa to cut off mid-rant.
Cattleya: "Actually, Leafa, when we worked on it together we decided that that's exactly how it's supposed to go! Your brother knows exactly what he treasures!"
-Cue Leafa *blushing*
Another NPC presenter: "Fair dinkum, that's a couple of true treasures you've got there, Kirito-san! Maybe you'd like to answer the next question, Leafa?"
===
*A picture of a Sylph in flight, eyes glowing green, leaves dancing around her*
Sylphs can see air currents and can pick out an updraft a mile away.
Leafa: *hand on cheek trying to hide her blush* "Umm, maybe not a mile away, but it is true that we can judge which way the wind is moving…"
Another NPC presenter: "So, would you like to see a Sylph in action?"
*Audience cheers* - "Yeeess!!"
-Cue Leafa gliding to the front of the stage. "Ah, how am I going to show everyone? There aren't many strong air currents inside a building."
Another NPC presenter: "Don't worry, we've got it covered. Cattleya?"
-Cue camera swinging to Cattleya. "OK, Puff, give me a type 4 flame, no smoke!"
Leafa: "Puff? What sort of a name is Puff?"
*A Cait Syth Dragon pokes its head through the curtain at the side of the stage, huffs, then suddenly breathes out a stream of bright yellow fire, almost clipping Leafa who jumps back in surprise at the last second.*
Cattleya: "It's Puff the Magic Dragon, of course! I'm not quite sure why her Dragoon named her that though. She has more than a puff of flame when she really lets loose. You should see it when she goes for a type 1 flame! It's a good thing the dragon breeding pens at Freelia are surrounded by water!
Leafa: *flustered* "Oh! So, I look at the line of the flame… focus…"
*Argo quickly folds a piece of paper origami style into a sharp nosed paper plane and places it in Leafa's hand*
-Cue camera zooming in on Leafa's eyes, which take on a soft green glow.
Leafa: "I plot out the path to the target…" her hand draws back, "and… release!" with a quick flick of the wrist the plane is launched to the right.
-Cue camera following the flight of the paper plane, which *curves away from Leafa, catches an updraft, tilts further to the right, dips down, then catches another slight updraft coming off the right hand wall before smacking into the middle of a red-headed Salamander's forehead*
*the audience claps in appreciation of Leafa's skill, almost (but not quite) drowning out Klein's cry of "Hey! You did that on purpose!"*
*Leafa bows before returning to her seat*
Another NPC presenter: "She'll be right, Klein – a little paper plane never hurt anyone. So, let's move on. The next question is one for our expert."
===
*A picture of a rabbit appears on the screen, a series of wavy white lines and a small cloud behind it demonstrating how fast it is moving *
Another NPC presenter: "Wait, that's not…"
-Cue camera, which catches the edge of a large gnome tip-toeing away from the projector and a glint of gold disappearing into the projector operator's pocket
Ragout rabbits are the fastest animals in the world, and Kirito should write an 800 word essay about why he shouldn't eat them
*From the back of the audience – "Whaaa! Kirito wouldn't eat Fluffy-kun's friend, would he? Bidashal – tell me it's not true!"
Kirito: *facedesk* in embarrassment with his hand covering his head.
"I'll, get you back for this, Agil !"
Cattleya: *spots the little pixie on the verge of breaking into tears and smiles gently at her before starting to speak in a soft, calming fashion* "Oh. Melin, was it? I can't say that I've come across any Ragout Rabbits yet, but I do have a pet Willow Wasp who's pretty quick. He even collects honey for me. I've got some here if you'd like to try it?"
*Melin looks up at Bidashal, eyes suspiciously watery. Bidashal nods*
Melin flies to Cattleya, who strokes her comfortingly between her wings with the edge of her little finger as a tiny spoon appears like magic in Melin's hand. Melin starts eating the honey from a small bottle that Cattleya produces from her pocket.
Cattleya: "Maybe we should move on?"
Another NPC presenter: "Course we should, 'course we should. OK, next question please." *glares at projector operator, who looks away sheepishly*
===
*A picture of a cute little puppy with big doleful eyes and floppy ears flashes up *
Cait Syth have a mortal fear of dogs and will run away if one of them comes anywhere near them
Silica: *laughs* "Oh, so you left the easy one for me. Of course it's not true. If Cait's were afraid of dogs, they'd never be able to go into the forests for fear of dagger dogs. I'm sure Cattleya can help me demonstrate – "
Cattleya: *grins in delight* "Of course!" *pulls out a silver whistle and blows in and out of it*
-Cue camera focusing on the audience where the Puca's all seem to be nodding and tapping their hands to a melody and a beat that no one else can hear.
Another NPC presenter: "Looks like the Lyre of Puca can hear somthing, folks..."
Random Puca: "Oi, who're you calling a liar? We prefer the term 'Choir'!"
From the side of the stage bounds a cute little yellow beagle with a dark brown spot on his side and a brown tip to his tail.
Cattleya: "This is Spot the Dog, he's the pet of one of the TRIMS workers, and one of my friends!"
*Cattleya kneels down in front of Spot and rubs him behind his ears*
Cattleya: "Say hello to Silica, Spot!"
*Spot runs over to Silica, who giggles as Spot raises a front paw for her to shake.
Cattleya: "Good work, Spot! Now go over to Argo so she can doubly disprove this myth!"
-Cue camera shifting to Argo, who is…
*Standing stock still with her ears pointed straight up and her tail pointed straight out. Argo is clearly in some sort of shock.*
Spot: "Woof, woof, woof!"
Argo: *springs into action* "AAaahhhh . . ." *the word trails off as Argo exits through the door faster than the mythical Ragout Rabbit*
Spot: "Bow-wow?"
Cattleya: "Oh." *looks uncertainly into the camera* "Maybe it wasn't as much of a myth as I thought it was?"
Another NPC presenter: "Oops. Well, since we've lost one of our panel, I suppose we'll have to call it a night! Make sure you tune in next time as we answer more of your questions and test out more ALfheim myths for your delectation! Good night!"
=== fin ===
AN: Yes, Argo being terrified of dogs is Canon – see
The Day Before. Demonstrating that in ALO was the inspiration that made me start writing
The Second Valliere Daughter, which of course headed off in a different direction.
It was originally going to be a short scene of Cattleya giving a Tour of her department at TRIMS to the Fae Lords (including Argo) and having a test room full of dagger dogs, but then I realized that the «Question and Answer» format fit the concept so much better.
