So someone is still sending reports despite our guy being stuck on an unknown planet, interesting.
Grim Dark Tech Support: A Dark Mechanicum Quest
- Thread starter Uniquelyequal
- Start date
- Sci-Fi
We are going to need to conduct some investigations of our own once we return.
@Uniquelyequal I am pleased to read another update of this story, so much so that I re-read some of the last two adventures 
In other threadmarks you have solicited feedback, so here is some:
I hope you enjoy your vacation and that you keep writing and sharing this story for as long as it entertains you to do so ☺️
In other threadmarks you have solicited feedback, so here is some:
You overuse the word "anyways". You might want to search for it in each post before publishing to break the habit.
The last update is inconsistent with how emotive Nexiel is in their actions and speech. I think it would have been cool to keep their voice and words calm and describe the Eyronivo's interpretation of their tells.
I had forgotten a lot of context that could maybe have been recapped: Eta Nu's name; what our job with the beacon was; who Skyraal or his faction is to us; who the sorrowful martyrs are or what the word bearers have to do with it.
These two paragraphs are a bit ambiguous about who is saying what:
> "Didn't the Beacon of Perfection get sucked into the Warp after he arrived", Nexiel inquired archly, and he could only shrug. "It resolved the complaint, didn't it? Possibly there wasn't another way."
Adding a question mark here might have been enough? Or paring it down to:
"The Beacon of Perfection was sucked into the warp after Eta Nu arrived"
Eyronivo shrugged, "The complaint was resolved. Perhaps there was no other way to repair it".
Here's the other paragraph that is a little ambiguous:
> "They're….", Nexiel began, and he interrupted her, ignoring the annoyed surge of light at his impudence. "...the best for the work, and also perfectly expendable. My sources tell me they're working with the Sorrowful Martyrs right now, at least going by their last report. It should be perfectly doable to redirect them to the Lights, once that message has been resolved."
The last update is inconsistent with how emotive Nexiel is in their actions and speech. I think it would have been cool to keep their voice and words calm and describe the Eyronivo's interpretation of their tells.
I had forgotten a lot of context that could maybe have been recapped: Eta Nu's name; what our job with the beacon was; who Skyraal or his faction is to us; who the sorrowful martyrs are or what the word bearers have to do with it.
These two paragraphs are a bit ambiguous about who is saying what:
> "Didn't the Beacon of Perfection get sucked into the Warp after he arrived", Nexiel inquired archly, and he could only shrug. "It resolved the complaint, didn't it? Possibly there wasn't another way."
Adding a question mark here might have been enough? Or paring it down to:
"The Beacon of Perfection was sucked into the warp after Eta Nu arrived"
Eyronivo shrugged, "The complaint was resolved. Perhaps there was no other way to repair it".
Here's the other paragraph that is a little ambiguous:
> "They're….", Nexiel began, and he interrupted her, ignoring the annoyed surge of light at his impudence. "...the best for the work, and also perfectly expendable. My sources tell me they're working with the Sorrowful Martyrs right now, at least going by their last report. It should be perfectly doable to redirect them to the Lights, once that message has been resolved."
I hope you enjoy your vacation and that you keep writing and sharing this story for as long as it entertains you to do so ☺️