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Greg Veder vs The World (Worm x The Gamer)

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ZFighter18 said:
1 more effective point of WIS isn't gonna change his views much.
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In his case, and "thanks" to the debuff he "enjoys" it would be actually a significant increase. May be another point when he learns not to say the first thing that comes to his mind? Because knowing when to keep your trap shut is a sign of wisdom...
 
ZFighter18 said:
True, but when do 15-year old boys care much about taste anyway? When I was 15, I might have snickered. It wouldn't have been laugh out loud worthy or anything.
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The trouble with this joke is that it NEEDS explanation, because there's not enough connection between "spit you out" and "vomit," and the fact that she's a model hadn't been established as part of the context of the conversation. There's wit to it - tasteless as it is - but it's not set up well enough for anybody who isn't reading Sparky's mind to know what he's connecting to make the joke.

A better - and snarkier - humorist than Sparky might have said something like, "She's a man-eater, dude. But you're not even a very appealing dish, so she'll probably do what models do with anything they eat just to be polite: find a private bathroom and spit you back up when she's got what she wants."

Still not laugh-out-loud funny and more of a stinging zing than a joke, but shows the wry, dark humor better.

Not that I'm saying the snippet should have had the joke be funny. It's obvious the point of the snippet is that neither Sparky nor Greg are particularly witty individuals.
 
Neither of these guys has much cha.

Or course they suck at cha based stuff like telling jokes or letting someone know their joke was bad gently.
 
The Bulimia reference was pretty weak, but more clever than I usually see. The main reason it didn't click well was he used the phrase, 'chew you up and spit you out.' It's a fairly well known metaphor for something being difficult, or harsh. Normally that phrase would inspire an image like Emma had beat the crap out of him, verbally or socially (since physically is kinda... unlikely. Emma wouldn't get her hands dirty for that.) I can't really think of a better way of delivering it though. I thought of a few ways he might, but they weren't really any good either.
 
Darchias said:
The Bulimia reference was pretty weak, but more clever than I usually see. The main reason it didn't click well was he used the phrase, 'chew you up and spit you out.' It's a fairly well known metaphor for something being difficult, or harsh. Normally that phrase would inspire an image like Emma had beat the crap out of him, verbally or socially (since physically is kinda... unlikely. Emma wouldn't get her hands dirty for that.) I can't really think of a better way of delivering it though. I thought of a few ways he might, but they weren't really any good either.
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I've always seen "chew you up and spit you out" as meaning more "use you up and then get rid of you when you're not useful anymore."
 
The change is obvious: replace "spit" with either "puke" or "vomit".
 
Segev said:
I didn't think it ironic, actually; I thought Sparky was just stating the obvious. ^^; Then I found out he had a very bad joke he delivered poorly.
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That was my impression as well - though it didn't help that I wasn't familiar with that particular joke subject anyway.
 
I, personally, find such a joke puerile and in horrifically bad form. If Sparky were my friend, I'd knee him in the balls.

To prevent this becoming off topic due to an ill-advised rant of mine, I'm going to leave it at that.
 
Agreed. The taste of the joke is horrible. But it fits with the intended characterization.

At least no one has come making demands of change or removal of said scene. Let's leave the author to keep writing the story as he feels he should.
 
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Buff 3.6
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    • Buff 3.6

    – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –​

    Winslow High School
    Friday, March 25, 2011
    Second Lunch Period
    12:05 PM

    "Sparky, you don't understand." Greg swung a leg over the bench, placing his food on the table. He dropped himself onto the bench unceremoniously, an elbow landing dangerously close to his food. "You really don't."

    Across from him, a long-haired brunette boy wearing a beanie and an ACDC shirt dropped onto the steel cafeteria bench, his snack-laden tray hitting the table between them with much less force. Axel "Sparky" Ramon had been a constant in Greg's daily Winslow grind since freshman year, the laid-back snarkiness of the mixed teen a counter to his own nervous energy.

    It was the third lunch wave, the forty minutes out of the day that the school system graciously allowed it's students to buy the unhealthy, overcooked, grease-filled dross they called food. As expected, the cafeteria was packed and as loud as ever, which forced Greg to speak slightly louder or have his voice buried by the ever-present sound of other people that filled Winslow.

    "I think I do." Sparky brushed away his bangs, tucking back a strand that had gotten into his eyes.

    "You think so?"

    "Duh." His friend popped a fry into his mouth, casting Greg a glance with half-closed eyes as he chewed. "You think you love her or whatever," he continued with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "You obviously don't know shit."

    "No, seriously, Sparky."

    "No, seriously, G," Sparky shot back, a sigh on his lips. "I'm putting it at 99.9% odds that you're just thinking with your dick."

    "I think about her all the time."

    "With. Your. Dick."

    "No." Greg shook his head, smiling over at Emma where she sat, a large round table near the back of the cafeteria. His smile dimmed slightly at the sight of Sophia next to her but Greg ignored the slight burst of annoyance he felt, focusing again on the redhead. "I think we could really work out."

    "Mmhmm. You said the same thing about Tara."

    "Taylor," Greg interjected quickly, reminding his friend for the hundredth time.

    "Whatever. I honestly don't care." Sparky rolled his eyes languidly, a fry halfway to his mouth. "I don't like her either. Look, you felt the same way about… Glasses McLockerGirl and now Emma's your new hot topic."

    "That's…" Greg frowned, glancing down at his hands as they lay flat on the table. "That's not true. Taylor… I don't think I ever had a chance with her. She never really tried to talk back to me. I honestly don't think she likes me that much," Greg admitted bitterly. "Maybe staying friends with her is for the best."

    Sparky's eyebrows rose for a quick moment as he snorted. "Yeah, sure, friends. With someone who you know doesn't like you that much. Ugh, I wish I had half your optimism, G-Man." The long-haired teen shook his head before glancing back down at his tray. "I've been trying to tell you to get over Locker Girl since last year but all it took was Barnes in a low-cut t-shirt to change your mind."

    Greg blinked, the image of what Emma wore that Tuesday rushing back. "How'd you know it was low-cut?"

    "Come on, G," Sparky shot him a bored look, as if Greg had just asked him to help him solve 2 + 2. "Do girls like Barnes wear anything else?"

    The blond waved off his friend's statement, his points already ignored in Greg's mind. "Sparky," Greg replied with a sigh, "You really don't get it. I think she might be the one."

    "The one? Barnes?"

    "Yeah, Emma. There's something about her," Greg dropped his chin on the back of his upraised hand, tilting his head to stare over at the girl who had caught his attention. "I just can't describe it."

    "Mmm," Sparky raised an eyebrow. "Tits." Another fry flew into his mouth as he spoke the word, his teeth crunching down as he finished speaking, punctuating his poignant and well thought-out response with the loud mastication of a deep-fried potato product.

    Rather than deny the point, Greg shrugged, a slightly pained look on his face. "I mean… yeah, kinda… but there's more."

    "Mmmm," Sparky didn't even raise his head from his tray as he spoke. "Of course there is, buddy. I believe you."

    Greg blinked, barely catching the sarcasm. "I'm being honest here."

    "And I'm eating here."

    "Sparky," the blond whined, "Come on. I thought you were my bro."

    "You want my help?" The teen in question blinked tiredly at Greg, the side of his face resting on an upraised palm. "You ready for advice that can help a scrub like you wearing," Sparky glanced at Greg's hoodie, a red top that literally spelled out "Nerd" using the periodic table, "whatever that isget with a literal fucking model?"

    Greg sat up, eyes wide as the sarcasm flew over his head this time. "Yeah!"

    "Alright, here's my advice. Get up off your pasty white ass, go over there," Fry in hand, Sparky gestured towards where Emma sat, "and ask that girl who's waaaaay out of your league on a date." His piece said, the mixed teen leaned back slightly, rolling his eyes. "Go ahead and see how that works out for ya."

    "Got it, Sparky!" Greg replied, grinning brightly. "I can always count on you!"

    "Yeah, I know." Tired eyes snapped to attention, widening in shock as Sparky processed Greg's response. "...wait, what?"

    Mind already made up, Greg shot up from his seat, leaving his tray behind, and began making his way towards the back of the cafeteria, weaving past various tables full of gang cliques and wannabe skinheads.

    As he approached the farthest wall of the cafeteria, several eyes fell on him. The loud din of chattering girls turned to shocked whispers as he approached a set of round tables more and more girls turned to face him, surprise the expression on most of their faces.

    Emma's own eyes were slightly widened but even she didn't seem all too surprised from where she sat. Madison, a bottle of water halfway to her lips, just looked confused. Sophia, on the other hand, simply frowned as she kept her eyes locked onto the blonde teen walking towards them.

    Before Greg could say anything, one of the girls stood up from the table, hands on her hips as she stared down the approaching blond. Greg found himself drawing a blank when it came to putting a name to her face even though he was pretty sure he had more than one class with her. "What are you doing here, Greg?" The girl spat out his name like she was being forced to say it.

    "Umm," Greg blinked, rubbing the back of his head. His gaze flew past "I just wanted to ask Emma… something."

    The plump girl snorted, rolling her eyes at Greg's words. "Eww, she doesn't want trash like you. Why don't you go l-"

    "Oh, shut up, Becca." Emma interjected, words dripping with scorn as she drew her lips back in a sneer. "No one said anything when you made out with Rodney like three weeks ago and he's like, basically fucking homeless. Should you really be talking right now?"

    "But-but… I…" Becca's eyes flickered back and forth between Emma and the rest of the girls, the group suddenly quiet as they avoided the chubbier girl's gaze. "I… I thought…"

    Emma let out a tired breath, exaggerating the motion. "Becca, just shut up. Okay?"

    "B-"

    Now, it was Sophia's turn to butt in, the track star leaning forward and glaring at the stammering girl. "The fuck did Emma just say, Becca? Shut the fuck up."

    Greg blinked, feeling a sudden mix of emotions; awkwardness that the girl was being so verbally dogpiled and joy that Emma would jump to his defense like that. Before he could say anything in response, a familiar drawling voice sounded out from behind his back.

    "Oooh, Becca. Sucks to be you right now."

    Greg looked over his shoulder to see his friend standing there, hands in the pockets of his jeans, wearing a rather annoyed expression on his face.

    Spluttering, the girl in question took a step forward, utterly ignoring Greg, Sophia and Emma to challenge Sparky. "You can't talk to me like that!"

    "The fuck I can't," Sparky shot back, rolling his eyes. "Bitch, you look bloated. Did you binge last night and forget to throw it back up? No?" Sparky shot her a smirk, a playful gleam in his eyes visible behind brown bangs. "Well, whatever you're doing to pack on the pounds, chica, it's definitely working."

    Becca froze for a moment before her face contorted. A moment later, she took off running, her hands rushing to her face as she let out muffled sobs.

    "Dude…" Greg stared at the girl's retreating back for a moment before turning to face his friend, a questioning look on his face.

    "What?" Sparky's smirk grew. "She needed to lose weight anyway. I just gave her motivation."

    Still kinda harsh, though. Greg paused for a moment before shrugging, deciding to let the matter go as he turned back to face Emma.

    "Hey, Emma." Greg, utterly oblivious to the awkwardness of the moment, shot the redheaded girl a grin. The other girls, despite looking rather confused, didn't say so much as a word to him, Becca's treatment a few minutes seemingly a lesson. Greg did notice a few girls staring over at the cafeteria exit but paid them no mind.

    Apart from casting a glance at Sophia for a moment, Emma herself didn't pay her friends any attention. Instead, the redhead smiled at Greg, ruby lipstick accentuating the whiteness of her teeth. "Hey there, Greg."

    Sophia, sitting next to the redhead, smirked at the scraggly-haired blond. "Hey there, Greg," she echoed, her voice slightly mocking Emma's breathier tones.

    Greg's smile dipped. "...Sophia."

    "So, Veder," Sophia smirked at him, "I hear you and my girl Emma hit it off."

    Madison didn't say a word, her gaze shifting slightly to Emma as a confused expression appeared on her face. The other girls at the table did the same. A slight flush appeared across Emma's face as she glanced over at Greg, purposely avoiding the curious gazes of the girls gathered around her.

    "Umm…" Greg blinked, slowly sitting down at the spot where Becca had left open, the girls parting to make space for him. Pushing the missing girl's fully-laden tray over to the empty spot next to him, Greg continued. "I… guess so."

    "All right," Sophia seemed to be taking pleasure at watching him squirm. "So, what did you want to ask my girl over here?"

    Greg gulped as multiple eyes turned to face him, suddenly struck with exactly how many faces were looking at him as he felt a pit of nervousness start to form in his stomach. By his side, Sparky sat down and Greg shot him a glance, only to see his friend already occupied by Becca's tray of food.

    Swallowing nothing, Greg glanced at Emma, receiving a slight tilt of the head in response. "Uhh… maybe I picked the wrong time to do this. How about I talk to you later, Emma? You know, when you're…" Greg gestured at the collection of girls, "more alone, I guess?"

    Before Greg could move to get up, Sophia slammed her palm down flat on the table, catching Greg's attention. "No, you're not doing that."

    Greg blinked. "I'm not?"

    "No." Sophia's smirk faded slightly, a hard look coming into her eyes. "What you're gonna do is tell her what you need to say right now, in front of all of us."

    "W-why?"

    "We're her friends, Greg," Sophia spat out his name, similar to the way Becca did. "We're gonna find out anyway."

    "I mean," Greg sighed, glancing quickly between Emma, who simply shrugged, and Sophia, still awaiting his answer. "It's like you don't know what later or alone means, Sophia."

    Sophia's eyes narrowed slightly, her smirk shifting into a slight scowl. "Just fucking talk."

    "Fine," he sighed. Turning his gaze to face Emma, Greg began. "Uhh… Emma, I wanted to ask if you wanted to go with me to the movies tomorrow."

    Emma smiled at him again, the look in her eyes waking an entire swarm of butterflies in his stomach. "Sure, Greg. I'd love to."

    "Wow. I mean… uhh," Greg grinned, letting a nervous chuckle fall out. Is asking a girl out this easy? "Great. That's, umm… really cool."

    The two stared at each other for a long moment before Sophia interrupted, snapping her fingers in front of Greg's face. "Okay, you're done," Sophia spoke up "Now enough with the bullshit and get the fuck away from my table."

    "Your table?" Greg frowned, both confused by the statement and annoyed by Sophia interrupting the moment. "What, does it have your name on it or something?"

    Sophia raised her arm from where it lay flat on the round lunch table and Greg's eyes widened, Sparky following suit. "Wow, you actually wrote your name on the table?"

    Instead of her initials like one might expect, the entire name was written out in its entirety, carved surprisingly neatly on the fake wood of the round table.

    "Okay," Sparky leaned in, ignoring the food in front of him for a moment, "but why though?"

    "None of your fucking business."

    "I mean, did you use plastic utensils or did you bring your own carving tools?" Greg snarked, a smile on his face. "Either way, why do it?"

    "You want to get your teeth kicked in again, Veder?" Sophia bit back, her mouth pulled back into an angry grimace. "Do you?"

    Emma's eyes widened slightly at Sophia's threat and her gaze snapped over to Greg.

    "Sure, I wouldn't mind going another round with you." Greg blinked slowly, giving Sparky a look before turning back to face Sophia. "Although, I don't recall getting my teeth kicked in the first time. That may have been more from a lack of trying, I guess." Greg snickered for a moment, before continuing. "I mean, that's not me saying that you didn't try pretty hard. I'm pretty sure you did."

    Sophia didn't reply, slowly cracking her knuckles..

    "I mean, I've never seen someone that happy to deck someone else in the schnozz. So, logically, I'd have to assume you put some effort into it." Greg raised an eyebrow. "Otherwise, like, what's the point? Am I right, Sparks?"

    The teen in question raised his head from what Greg assumed to be Becca's tray, mouth stuffed full of fries and nodded. "Mpffff mfffff…" Swallowing the mouthful in several gulps, Sparky smacked his lips several times before speaking again. "You right, brah."

    "Thank you," Greg responded, winking at Emma as she tried her best to hide a smile.

    "Okay." Sophia cut in, still glaring at Greg.

    Greg blinked. Once. Twice.

    "Okay, what?" Greg replied, confused by what Sophia was replying too.

    Sophia tilted her head, her jaw clenched. "I said, okay."

    "I mean, okay?" Greg blinked again, shrugging his shoulders. "To what, exactly? You can't just drop a non-sequitur in the middle of conversation and expect to be understood. I mean, what the heck?"

    Sophia breathed in deeply without opening her mouth, nostrils flaring as she glared daggers at Greg. "Why do people think it's okay to waste my time?" she muttered, her voice still loud enough to be heard by everyone around her. "Okay, we can go another round."

    "Cool." Greg grinned. "Name the time and place." Pausing for a moment, the blond let out a slight chuckle. "I've always wanted to say that."

    Again, Emma's eyes widened, her slight smile at the back-and-forth between the two disappearing in an instant. "Umm… Sophia? Remember what I told y-"

    "Not now, Ems," the dark-skinned girl shot back, still aiming a scowl toward Greg and Sparky. "How about 3pm, by the old basketball court?"

    Greg blinked. "No idea where that is."

    "I do." Sparky nudged his friend, drawing Greg's attention. "I'll get you there."

    "Awesome Possum." Grin back on his face, Greg shot Sophia a thumbs up. "See you there, Sophie."

    Brown eyes narrowed. "We both know what my fucking name is, Veder."

    Greg snickered, standing up from the girls' table. "Yeah, but does it matter?"

    Knuckles tightened on the fake wood of the circular table, Sophia's hands clasping into eager fists. "You know, Veder," Sophia actually shot him an answering grin, her former scowl disappearing. "I've never met someone so happy to get his ass kicked."

    "It's not that, Sophie." Greg snickered at the slight tensing of Sophia's face at his purposeful use of the wrong name, the light sound turning into a full-blown laugh as the girl began to look constipated. "I'm just a big fan of second chances."

    Standing up, Greg waved at the redhead again. "See you later, Emma."

    The girl waved back slowly, smiling at the blond boy. "Bye, Greg. See you this weekend?"

    Greg grinned, his smile as wide as it had been all day. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

    – o – o – o – o – o – o – o –​

    "What is up with you today, brah?" Sparky asked as they sat back at their table, their food long discarded. "You're usually hyper as fuck but it's different now."

    "I've changed, Axel."

    "First of all, you know how I feel about my first name. Second, no joke, dipshit. You challenged Hess," Sparky retorted, scratching his nose. "I just wanna know how."

    "A lot has happened since last week, man." Greg let out a manly chuckle. Or at least, his best approximation of one, which really wasn't all that manly as much as it was loud. "I beat up a football player, got suspended, and made out with Emma. I also saw a dead body, like yesterday, so that's still fresh." Greg tapped his temple in time with his last few words.

    Sparky stared at his friend blankly before opening his mouth to respond. "Wow, that answered absolutely nothing. I'd be careful, though. I'm pretty sure lil Fifi back there is gonna wear your teeth like a shark tooth necklace this time." Sparky blinked slowly. "A nerd-tooth necklace."

    Greg shook his head, clicking his tongue. "Sparky, you can trust me on this. I'm not gonna lose this time. Last time, I wasn't ready for her."

    Hazel eyes stared at Greg unbelievingly. "Last time was three whole days ago."

    "Trust me. I have a plan."

    Sparky shot him another blank look before letting out a tired sigh. "Bro, I love you (No homo) but you're gonna get your shit kicked in." Sparky shook his head slowly, throwing his hands up. "I mean, this is Hess we're talking about. The psycho bitch. She will beat you so hard, you'll shit yourself and then she'll shove her foot so far up your ass, that she will literally kick your shit back in."

    "Woooow", Greg blinked. "That was... graphic." A moment later, he shot his friend a grin. Don't worry, Sparks. I've got this in the bag."

    A tired sigh left his friend's mouth. "Yeah. A body bag."

    Greg shook his head, grinning. "Oh, ye of little faith."

    "Shut up, ye of little dick."

    "Now, that's just hurtful."
     
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    • That went better (and worse) than expected!

    Emma knows Greg is cape, confirmed. Sophie-uh doesn't care. Taylor'll be heartbroken.

    Also Axel, aka Sparky, didn't bat an eye on hearing that Greg saw a dead body.
     
    ZFighter18 said:
    "You really don't get it. I think she might be the one."
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    Greg has made out with this girl exactly one time. This response is... in character.

    Also, Sparky seems to be fitting that "wise slacker" archetype. Greg really needs to listen to this guy more.

    ZFighter18 said:
    "Oooh, Becca. Sucks to be you right now."

    Greg looked over his shoulder to see his friend standing there, hands in the pockets of his jeans, wearing a rather annoyed expression on his face.
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    Greg's friend vs Emma's minion! Fight!

    ZFighter18 said:
    Spluttering, the girl in question took a step forward, utterly ignoring Greg, Sophia and Emma to challenge Sparky. "You can't talk to me like that!"

    "The fuck I can't," Sparky shot back, rolling his eyes. "Bitch, you look bloated. Did you binge last night and forget to throw it back up? No?" Sparky shot her a smirk, a playful gleam in his eyes visible behind brown bangs. "Well, whatever you're doing to pack on the pounds, chica, it's definitely working."
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    Flawless. Victory.

    ZFighter18 said:
    Becca froze for a moment before her face contorted. A moment later, she took off running, her hands rushing to her face as she let out muffled sobs.
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    FATALITY!

    Sparky isn't great with jokes, but he seems to be a lot more capable when it comes to hurting bad people's feelings.

    ZFighter18 said:
    Emma's own eyes were slightly widened but even she didn't seem all too surprised from where she sat.
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    I don't think that Emma quite figured on Greg having the guts to make a public approach but now she's got to roll with it, which is going to cost her some social capital. Always nice to see that.

    I'm really, really hoping that Emma's plan to hurt Taylor by turning Greg fails. There are a few ways I could see this going.

    First, Greg is a loser, and as long as Greg is a loser, this thing she is doing will hurt her status to an extent, especially if she keeps it up for longer than would be expected of someone sadistically toying with a loser boy's affections. She can lead him on as sort of a mean girl status thing, but rumors that she actually likes him would be disastrous for her. Greg, in his glorious social ineptitude, has already forced Emma to choose between one of her sycophants and himself. If Greg continues to publicly Greg as hard as he can Emma might abandon the whole thing as being too costly to her own status to be worth it. Emma experiences the slowly dawning horror of realizing that she has socially tied herself to a guy with the social skills of Mr. Bean, and that her plan is unlikely to work because Greg is a guy with the social skills of Mr. Bean.

    Or maybe Emma decides that Greg is wrapped around her finger enough that he won't defend Taylor when Emma does something bitchy to her while Greg is present, just to show that Greg won't stick up for her again. In that case, I'm hoping that Greg has enough moral backbone and/or hopeless one-sided affection for Best Girl (his power even agrees!) that it backfires on Emma. I don't mind that our protagonist is an awkward, socially inept loser, but if he's not a good enough person for that plan to fail, it would probably hurt my interest in the story. Everybody loves an underdog, but those same traits become a huge liability for generating sympathy if it seems like they're an awful person on top of being an awkward loser.

    Oh, hell, maybe Greg is actually good enough to beat Sophia by now, which could create tension between her and Emma, either because Sophia gets a massive grudge and screws up the plan by being an insufferable bitch to him (the plausible route) or because she develops an obsessive crush and destroys her and Emma's reputation by publicly squabbling over Greg Veder (the crack route).

    Segev said:
    Oh no! Is she going to turn into Sauron here, too?
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    I see what you did there.
     
    Pax_Empyrean said:
    First, Greg is a loser, and as long as Greg is a loser, this thing she is doing will hurt her status to an extent, especially if she keeps it up for longer than would be expected of someone sadistically toying with a loser boy's affections. She can lead him on as sort of a mean girl status thing, but rumors that she actually likes him would be disastrous for her. Greg, in his glorious social ineptitude, has already forced Emma to choose between one of her sycophants and himself. If Greg continues to publicly Greg as hard as he can Emma might abandon the whole thing as being too costly to her own status to be worth it. Emma experiences the slowly dawning horror of realizing that she has socially tied herself to a guy with the social skills of Mr. Bean, and that her plan is unlikely to work because Greg is a guy with the social skills of Mr. Bean.
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    I like this idea because it somehow turns his WIS 1 CHA 1 into an asset.
     
    Pax_Empyrean said:
    I don't mind that our protagonist is an awkward, socially inept loser, but if he's not a good enough person for that plan to fail, it would probably hurt my interest in the story. Everybody loves an underdog, but those same traits become a huge liability for generating sympathy if it seems like they're an awful person on top of being an awkward loser.
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    As far as I'm concerned, I do love an underdog - while what I don't love, but keep seeing in the story so far, is an underdog that keeps losing further.

    (I do otherwise agree with you, however. And in this case it pretty much comes out to the exact same thing anyway.)
     
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