[X] Plan Politics
-[X] Have your cake, and eat it too.
As you stand in the aftermath of the brutal battle, an island in a sea of bone and gravel, burnt out houses and torn apart streets all around you, you consider not just the fanatics, but yourself.
Throughout the years, there have been many things that Asavar - you - have embodied. Some of those things you have been proud of, others you have come to regret, and even more, you can only find yourself unsure of.
But there are two, maybe three, things that were so profoundly you that you are not sure they would ever not be an integral part of yourself.
Greed was one of those things. You were such a terribly greedy man, it was deeply rooted in everything you did. You wanted more incessantly, wanted greater and greater in a way that even the world being offered to you was not enough.
Asavar the Brute was a man of greed that outstripped even chaos.
When told to pick between temperance and shallow self-interest. To choose between what was selfish and what was selfless, and what was beyond even both…
There really was only one choice for you.
"Yesterday, I took one hundred of the unclean and unfaithful and crafted them into warriors of the gods." Your voice came from low in your chest, a deep rumble that almost seemed to shake the air itself, the same voice you always used to address congregations. You pause, a heavy uncertainty curling around your throat. You knew how one went almost by heart, knew the other by absence.
You watch six figures stir at the sound of your voice and do little else. An ancient, fundamental part of their brain drives them to respond to another human speaking, but you had ripped out a piece that told them what to do, and in this confusing aftermath, that absent void between mind and man became all the more evident.
You remember that feeling so very well, and it just made the question of what words could possibly pull this off all the starker.
"To be more accurate, I broke them into being such. I twisted them, and I turned them into slaves to the gods. Ripped from them their personhood and replaced it with fanaticism, with false claims of the gods' will." For a single moment, you almost did not register that it was your voice and almost looked for the source. Then you realise what you said, and that terrible weight of uncertainty burgeoned into a whirl of anxiety and realisation as what you had said - out loud - hit you.
You had just ousted what you had done outright, told them in plain terms that you had manipulated them and a hundred others into frothing death. Your heart sinks as you realise there would only ever be one reaction to that and that you would have to choose between your desperate ambitions for the future and the lives of six embryonic brothers.
Then… the six fanatics react differently. One flinched as if struck, one stared at you, one glanced at the other five, one's hand fell to the sickle by his side, one let his eyes close and shoulder slump, and the last's hands tightened into a ball.
Ah.
That was how you were going to do this.
This was going to be… very rough.
"Meissen was teetering on the edge of destruction, and I weighed the lives and sentience of a hundred men against the thousand others within the walls." You stare down at the ground between the seven of you as you let the confession just flow, the timbre that shook the air in your voice long since gone. "The very fact it was teetering on that edge made it easy; when humans are faced with death, so many of the differences between them are stripped away. The buttons to press, the words and the actions and the frenetic press of energy become almost a rote matter."
"Why are you telling us this?" The voice was weak, choked with hardly restrained anger and awful realisation. "Why tell us it was a lie?"
"Not a lie, just put in words to get a certain result." You mutter, half to yourself, words spoken to you so very long ago. Words that took you a long time to learn how awful they were. You wet your lips and slowly breathe in, then with a weight that was so hard to ignore, you look up to meet the man who spoke.
He had his hand on the handle of his sickle, the weapon rattling terribly as he shook.
"It hurts so very much, doesn't it? Like a knife carving strips through your heart and mind. The revelation feels like it's attacking your very soul. The realisation that all those feelings, hopes, and terrors were deliberate manipulations. There because I brought them there." He had blue eyes, and his face was as gaunt as everyone who had gone through this siege, but you could see traces of the babyface of someone barely twenty.
"You're mocking us, Norscan. Answer his question." You flinch at Norscan, a tiny imperceptible thing, but there. Noticeable. You gather yourself again and look to the next speaker. Deep lines carved down his face, a long life of stress and work, and the remnants of facial hair he had torn out were still there.
"Because… because this is an explanation I desperately needed." For a moment, it was all you wanted to do to look away, to not have to physically look him in his face as suspicion and hate blossomed across his face.
You keep your eyes locked on the man. "Because when I was first in your position, ten and three, the slick blood of a warrior priest still drying between my fingers, and I came to confront the awful understanding that I did not die for my gods. I…" Words fail you for a moment, mouth moving without sound. You swallow. "I was torn right back into the personless fanaticism. My only reward for doing the impossible was to be ripped apart further and left to languish in the maddened need for manufactured salvation."
"Because when I was last in your position, ten and seven, and I was finally left adrift, the way I put myself back together was wrong, was wrong for a long, long time." There was a flicker of something across that old man's face, and before you could truly register, the need to look away overwhelmed you.
"This could be another trick, another manipulation." A third voice and it was only because deep in that corner of your mind that Verena had marked her own, you felt a press of just the slightest bit more attention, that you found the strength to meet his eyes. Green eyes framed by still weeping claw marks stared at you, so cold that it would make ice shiver. "Well? Is it? More words that give you exactly the response you want? Any moment are we about to start tearing each other apart again?"
"You would not ask that question if it was." Your lips twist into that mockery of a grin that terrified everyone you ever flashed it to, all teeth and grim savagery. Or it would be if it was not so occluded by the ravages of shame and uncertainty. "You wouldn't answer any question if it was; it would have been as easy as breathing to force you back into the mire of toxic redemption. Twisting you until you broke again in the haze of uncertainty of being alive. I could have done it forever, over and over, keeping you trapped in a prison of self-hate I inflicted on you."
"Then why didn't you." Grey eyes, sharp in a way that felt like it was pressing into your neck, set in a sullen, pale face atop a tall, lanky body.
"Last night, I took a hundred men, and with their own desperation, I broke them. As of today, not even twenty-four hours later. Six of them are still alive, and ninety-four lay dead in the streets. The shame of that should be the reason." But you were so terribly broken in so many different ways. But you ignore that, to gesture at the streets around you, still lined with dead, and for a single moment, you want to leave it as that, the altruistic idea that you brought yourself to care for the people that died at your twisting. But you had long since torn their personhood apart in your mind, and in that moment, you could not lie. "But it is not because whatever shame I should feel is burnt on the pyre of my greed."
"Because in the deepest witching hour, I stood alongside six men, and I felt something I had lost long ago." You stare into those grey eyes, your own eyes filled with enough avarice to shame a dragon. "Brotherhood. A bond that for a night transcended words and forged into an unbroken chain of trust."
"You think you can… you can tell us you did all this to us; you think you can do this to us and call us brother?" The fifth man was shorter than the others and still had patches of blonde shocks left on his head, not properly ripped out in some atrocious mimicry of what you forced that first fanatic to do.
"No." You breathe out, and the weight on your neck falls off as shame bubbles up in you, the emotion both cloying and freeing. "I am telling you all this because in that moment, you became my brothers in arms, and I have to contend with the fact I made you lesser. Six men who in a tide of dead flesh stood beside me as brothers, and I did not know their… your names."
"And after last night, my greed will allow me to do nothing less than fix what I had done, but I don't know how. Please, tell me what I need to say?" Five sets of eyes stared at you with incredulity, the sheer temerity of what you were asking striking them still.
"Was it… was it all fake? I felt…" Another of them spoke up, his face set into a hard line, his eyes so dark as to be black, but they shone with fervent desperation.
Slowly your eyes close and tug on that little place in your mind claimed by a fraction of a fraction of Verena's attention. Divine energy seeps into the air, settling heavily over the seven of you. "This is Verena. My Goddess. I'm not a priest, but the differences are deeply blurred."
You let the energy linger in the air, the same energy that you had used to drive home your inflicted disgust.
"It's different?" Underneath the thread of confusion colouring the man's tone was a low note of hope, and you leapt on it.
"Because it is just Verena." You meet dark eyes, and as you let the attention of Verena sputter away, you gesture around you. "But what we achieved in the darkest moments of dawn, seven against the uncountable, there was no god that would ignore that. No matter how it started, what we achieved was still judged worthy."
Silence descended between the seven for a long moment as a worried weight lifted from the six men's shoulders. Just cutting-edge of worry and paranoia that it was all deceptions and lies, that they could be deceived even to the point of being fooled to their gods' touch… leaving them.
Your gaze falls to the ground again, as in turn, the weight of what you had done heavies on your shoulders.
"My name is Sigric Silber." You snap up to meet Sigric's dark eyes as the hard lines of his face soften. You were not the only one; the other five also watched Sigric carefully. The man does not wilt under their stares, his back straightening. "Don't make me regret this, Norscan."
Struck still for words, you simply nod as relief warred with avarice inside you, desperate to reign it as it drove you to push this further.
"No one comes to the Meissen without reason; no one comes to the borderlands without reason. Why are you here, Norscan?" The suspicious stare of the shortest of the six carved through you, and in that moment, it felt like he towered over you.
"Greed… ambition." Despite the cutting stare, you straighten up. No matter what shame you felt, there was nothing that would mortify you in the face of your drive. "The great Libraries of Verena are not a place of glory and great men. Even before anything else, I would suffocate there."
"The borderlands aren't a place for great men either." He shot back, sharp-tongued.
"Then I will make it one." Your words burned into the world with all the fierce passion that they had carried since your earliest youth, and no loss or tragedy had ever changed that. It was different to the passion that drove your piety, a part of yourself untouched by any kind of divine. The fact that Verena was willing to let you keep it, allow it to remain yours, was perhaps one of the only reasons she managed to get through to you. The short man seemed stunned by the fervent burn in your voice before a fierce grin split his face.
"Now that… that I can understand. My name is Anders Matthias. If you keep that fire, Norscan, then maybe there's hope for you." Ander's grin widens, and yet more weight falls off your shoulders. That was two.
There was a feeling of momentum behind you now, a confidence that had been lacking as you waded through the treacherous confusion of this… whatever you would call this.
"No Norscan tribe worships Verena, I've heard the stories, but I have to know. Who did you worship before Verena?" The question rips that momentum from you entirely. The first man spoke, his hand still tight on the sickle by his side.
A grip that only tightens as the question strikes you silent. You did not flinch away from who you were in your own mind, but putting it into words… you always struggled with it. Partly because if said to the wrong person - who most people were - it would see you in a fight for your life.
But mostly because you knew as well as anyone that words had power, and the admission of what you were before Verena worked away at you… always felt like it was giving just that little more power back over.
Yet under the stares of men you dared to long to call your brothers-in-arms, you forced the words from your throat.
"All of them, at one point in my life. But… the…" You pull into yourself, your mind occupying that ever so slightly strange headspace of not aware but not quite there, as you pull on Verena's attention like a blasted child tugging on his mother's dress. You feel the energy spill through your body, a comforting warmth you drank in like a desiccated man. "But I always came back to the Hound."
"You worshipped Chaos." Slowly he pulled the sickle at his side up, something conflicted darkening his face. "That taint is not… give me a reason why I should not cut you down. Do us all a favour."
"I was born to the Aeslinger, a Sveit in the far north of Norsca. The first man who did not worship the four I met was a Khanite slave. The second was a Solkan Witch Hunter who called me an abomination and told me to drown myself at the age of four." You pull yourself out of the comforting warmth to meet the man's blue eyes without the crux of your goddess's grace. "All I ever knew, all I ever could know was them. Yet, in the end, I looked at them, and I saw they were not good enough for me. That I was beyond them. I did that despite it being all I knew."
His grip was white-knuckled tight as the conflict on his face grew until he let out a deep sigh and let it fall back to his waist. "My name is Gutwin Unberogen, and I will be watching you."
Your chest rises and falls in heavy movements, and you feel Verena's touch continuing to spread through your body as you try to calm yourself.
"You said you killed a Warrior priest to death at thirteen. Was that your first?" But the grey-eyed man did not give you a moment to collect yourself, and as he straightened up from his sullen slouch, he rivals you for height, if not weight.
"I beat the warrior priest to death at one and three." You correct, almost gently, before exhaling through your nose. "But in the Aeslinger tribe, you are strong enough to kill, or you are dead. Even when you're young, you would be thrown into arenas and wouldn't be allowed to leave until the other was forced to break. I was eight the first time that my opponent did not break until his body did."
It was a boy from another Sveit, bigger than you but so thin that when you wrapped your hand around his neck, you could thread your fingers and tighten your grip until it collapsed.
"Did you enjoy it?" There was a moment when you boggle at the question and the implicit sociopathy in it. But under the heavy weight of the sharp grey stare, for some strange reason, you could not bring yourself to believe that it came from someplace of sick enjoyment. For some reason, you could barely see it as coming from a place of judgement.
You hesitate for a moment, knowing the truth is something deeply terrible. But you also knew that you could not shy away from this. "Yes. At the time, it was a moment of brilliant glory. Unquestionable dominance and right in all ways that could matter."
"And now?" Now it was his turn for his words to be spoken gently, and this time your pause was thought rather than hesitation. Thinking back on your first kill invoked a thousand different feelings in you, a thousand different ideas and a thousand viewpoints. There was a time in the days you were first adrift from your once gods and before you had come to fully embrace Verena, where you had poured over that kill. Perhaps rightfully thinking it was as pivotal a moment to you as the kill that christened you with your epithet. Death was common in those pits, but at eight, you were expected to be years away from needing to claim your first skull. It was what had first drawn the attention of your first captain, and later of the Slaves of the Hound, to your first brothers and later the freedom of tragedy.
But in all your thoughts, you never truly came to decide whether that death was something you regretted or if it was simply just a part of you.
"I'm… I'm alive." You answer slowly, and despite how lacking it was in depth, as you look into those sharp grey eyes, you have a feeling it satisfied him.
"We are all alive. I am Manfredo Di Muzio." He gives you a sharp nod before slumping back down, losing inches of height as he does so.
That just left two.
The man whose face was still - worryingly - dripping with blood, and the old man.
"What's your name?" The question from the old man takes a moment to register; after the last two digging at your past, it had not been what you expected. "Well, come on, boy, I'm too old to waste time."
That ripped a snort of disbelief from you, despite the thin that a siege's starvation had forced onto his frame, and despite the age on his face, the old man looked like he had decades left in him.
"Asavar. My name is Asavar the Brute." You knew that each of these men already knew that; no one in Meissen did not know who you were. Izek's pet Norscan priest had been bandied around for weeks, and your name was often a source of contention. A Norscan named after an Everchosen could only have one connotation.
But at this moment, it was not about them knowing your name. It was them knowing you, and as your name settled in the air, you felt like they did know you.
"If they call you a brute, I can only imagine who they call the thinker." The old man scoffs to himself and rolls his shoulders. "Call me Hildenmund, Asavar."
A wide, boyish grin crossed your face at that as the fifth name slid into your mind, and you carved it into your thoughts. Leaving just one, with a strange synchronicity, the six of you look towards the seventh, the green-eyed man with blood still weeping from his cheek.
The man looked halfway thoughtful for a moment as he slowly examined you. "Asavar…" He tastes the word before his head tilts the other way, and he strokes his cheek, blood accumulating in a thick sheen. "I am Rule, and I suppose I could learn to call you brother."
He holds his hand out, slick with blood. You rush to take it, eager and energetic and find a tight grip that strains your bones. But you ignored that to sweep him up in a tight hug, pulling him entirely off the ground.
"Asavar! Put me down! By Ulric, I will beat you within an inch of your life with my shoe." He immediately begins struggling, trying to wiggle out of your tight bear hug and knee you in the side.
You simply laugh.
https://orokos.com/roll/962407 78 (Piety)
https://orokos.com/roll/962408 98 (Diplomacy)
A/N There's a part of me that struggled deeply with this update. Partly because it's so early on and it's emotional thrust feels... not unearned, but unwitnessed. A culmination of an arc that Asavar himself was apart of, but not the quest. The foibles of trying to get everyone in the right mindset of barely prepared by dropping you right into the action I suppose. Added onto that the emotional state I needed to pull together to write it being ruined by learning about the Judge Rotenberg Centre, and it's slightly later than I wanted.
I hope everyone enjoys, and that the other parts of this update come slightly easier to me.