Salida del Sol, Puesta del Sol
DawnofWar32
War is coming. Prepare yourselves!
- Location
- Butuan City, The Philippines
Uploader's Note: I do not own the fanfic and its OCs nor Girls und Panzer. Credit goes solely to their respective owners.
A/N: Drama is over for now. Hope you enjoy the chapter. Also, if there are any artists out there let me know. I'd like to make a fan art for this story. It would be really great!
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Lobby – Morning
The majority of Oarai's students were assembling to the town's square. Unlike the Sensha-do team, they were participating in the closing ceremony of the Winter Festival and would be departing right after. The team had a leave of absence, as they joined in the match. The Student Council thought that due to their efforts, they should at least get some time for some R&R. Afterwards, they would depart from the hotel in the afternoon.
There was no drama for Anglerfish last night. Miho slept well and greeted the other girls at roughly the same time they all went for breakfast. However, during breakfast, word got around about Yukari holding a meeting for the team commanders to discuss something.
Rirko and Ami didn't have breakfast at the hotel. They decided to have breakfast at a local café. As the sun rose on the town, they sat waiting for their order. Both are sipping on their coffee, they both noticed students slowly starting to trickle out of the hotel and form up into classes.
"Lot of students going to the closing event," Rirko noted as he drank his coffee. He was still groggy, after yesterday. It was a trying time, and he didn't get much sleep. Most of it was worrying about the relationship between him and the Sensha-do Team.
"Well, it's almost the entire school. As soon as the ceremony's over, they'll be heading back to Oarai."
"Right. Meanwhile, we're chaperoning the team here until the afternoon, yeah?" Ami nodded while taking a sip of her black coffee. Rirko put some cream and sugar in his.
"You don't take it black?"
"No. Why?"
"You get a more of a kick if you take it black. Putting all that cream and sugar dilutes the effectiveness."
"Did you know it takes about twenty minutes for the caffeine to hit?"
"Really? Didn't know that."
"I know it's bad, but I'd rather have an energy drink than take coffee if I need an extra boost."
"Won't you crash in the afternoon?"
"Depending what you're doing on that day."
Their food came. Ami had a traditional Japanese breakfast. Grilled salmon with rice and miso soup. For Rirko, scrambled eggs and bacon with some toast.
"Is that what western eat for breakfast?"
Rirko nodded. "It's a bit of a luxury. Sometimes, I don't even have time for breakfast. I'm busy hauling ass to schools for that day."
"So, you go to other schools? For what?"
"Meh, supply work. But that was before. As soon as I get back, I'll be back on the job hunt."
Rirko began to eat his breakfast. Ami just looked at him and was wondering about his career before coming to Japan.
"You didn't have a permanent job before?"
"Kinda. The work came in every day so you could call it a full time. Even though it was on-call, I still had to travel constantly to other locations in the city. Sometimes, I was there for long periods of time. From weeks to months."
"Kind of what we got here." Ami blew on her soup. "But our teachers don't seem to get sick as much, so we don't see supplies here. Especially, male staff."
"That's considering you're on a carrier school ship and all of the faculty are female staff. It's like being on a ship of the Valkyries."
"Valkyries?" Ami was confused by the Norse Mythology reference.
"Long story. It means that most of the population are female. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
Ami smiled. "I get it. It was the same in Kuromorimine. Although, the staff were a lot stricter. Due to high expectations of a traditional Sensha-do school."
"I can imagine." Truthfully, Rirko didn't want to talk about anything Sensha-do related. Mainly because of the drama that unfolded yesterday. However, he didn't want to be rude. As the pair ate, some of the students saw Ami and waved while they were heading out. The streets of Notojima have filled once again with people heading over to their jobs and other places.
The café started to fill up with regular patrons. Soon, a sizable amount of people took their place either outside to take in the cold, morning air or inside to be snug and warm. As soon as Ami was done, she looked thoughtfully at Rirko.
"What?"
"I just…"
"Okay, what's up?"
She sighed. "If I were you, I wouldn't want to talk about it. But, it's from yesterday."
"Yeah?"
"How did things go? With Miho, I mean? And, did anything else happen? I mean, I was with the team when the match ended. Shiho made the call as the Federation chairperson, to end the match in a draw."
'Shiho did that? Holy shit!' That surprised Rirko, as he thought the judges were the ones who cancelled the match. He pondered on her words and thought it would be best to share everything.
"Well, Miho calmed down considerably. She rested afterwards. A few minutes later, guess who dropped by?"
Ami finished drinking her coffee. "Maho?"
"Yeah."
"No surprise. Considering what happened to Miho, she would have every right to worry."
"That's not all…" Rirko started to think how to word the entire situation. How she expressed herself to him…her real self.
"What is it? If you're that silent, then I can think that things didn't end up so good."
"Huh…how to put this? The mask…it broke."
"The mask? Broke? What do you mean?"
"She showed me…what she truly felt."
It took Ami to process the information. Then, she understood. "Oh my God. So, stoic face Maho talked to you? Not formally, but a person?"
"It took some…prodding. I had to get Maho riled up. I thought at the time she still doesn't trust me. But I hope that all doubts are gone now."
"What did she say?"
"Well,…things got real. I'm not going to go into the details." Even though Maho wasn't Rirko's responsibility, what she said was with confidence. To maintain that trust, he couldn't tell Ami. "Let's just say that both her and Miho are in the same boat."
"…I get it. Both sisters had their share of Shiho's teaching methods. I'm surprised that Maho lasted this long and is still going. Just a testament to her own strong will."
"She is a remarkable young lady. But she has her own sets of issues she will need to work out in the future. Otherwise, it will affect her in the long run."
"Thanks."
"For what? For telling you?"
"No. Miho and Maho. Knowing Miho from last year and Maho from back in the day, I think that they worked hard to get where they are. But there are times when I'm frustrated with them because they don't express themselves. But with you? You challenge them to do just that. Even after they won't talk to you. Even after they don't want to talk about anything because it hurts. You don't give up on them, even when they give up on themselves."
Ami's words were encouraging. Rirko thought himself a failure for taking Miho's passion away.
"Your words are comforting, Ami. Thanks. I needed that."
"I can see that you do. Even when the shit hits the fan, I'll be there to support you. Because you make it a priority to help these girls in any way possible. Remember that."
"I know, I know." Rirko smiled at her gently. With Ami's words, it made his job a whole lot more meaningful.
The pair finished up, paid the bill, and headed to the hotel. The last of the students trickled out of the lobby when they arrived. However, the two were both met by Mallard Team.
"Mr. Nagasawa. Miss Chono." Sodoko bowed, with her teammates.
"Good morning, Sodoko," Ami greeted. "What's going on?"
"Yukari has called a meeting with the other tank commanders to discuss the future of the team. She requests your presence."
Ami looked at her watch. "I actually have a meeting with a Sensha-do Federation representative this morning. I won't be able to attend. However…"
"I get the message." Rirko nodded to Ami. "Where will it be held?"
"One of the meeting rooms. The Student Council was able to get one, free of charge."
"Good for them. Just point me in the right direction."
Sodoko pointed towards the elevators, where there was a hallway. As Rirko headed there, Ami could only imagine what it could be referring to.
'I hope things don't get from bad to worse.' Looking at her watch, she walked to her room to prepare herself for the meeting.
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Conference Room – Morning
When Rirko arrived, the door was closed. He already knew what it was about. But it didn't make it any easier.
'Just another day. Just another day.' He thought it just another day, but it was a nerve-wracking one. When he dismissed Miho, and he explained himself yesterday, he felt the girls were going to attack him. They were loyal, all right, but got their priorities mixed up.
'They should be concerned more about their friend. Not about how they're going to perform. What, they just don't have faith in Yukari?' Sighing, he put on his best stoic look and entered.
When he entered, the team commanders, Miho and Yukari included, with Momo, Yuzu with Anzu, stared at him. He gave a short nod, then took his seat at the back. Crossing his arms, he waited for the meeting to begin.
Yukari was confused. Typically, a teacher would have a place in the front. But he decided to stick to the back? This confused the others as well. "Um. Good morning, Mr. Nagasawa."
"Yukari."
"Would you like to sit at the front? You don't have to sit back there."
Rirko squinted his eyes. "Sit, at the front? You want me to?"
Miho and Yukari looked at each other. "I believe it would be best." Slowly getting up, he passed the rest of the commanders and took a seat at the front. They waited for a few more moments for others to arrive.
"Where's Miss Chono," Yuzu asked.
"She sends her regrets. Unfortunately, she has another engagement with a representative of the Federation. You're stuck with me."
"I see."
As more team commanders came in, they all wore uncertain faces. Nakajima, Leopon's Commander, was given pats on the back and some hugs. She looked a bit worse for wear. It was understandable, after yesterday.
"I think everyone's here. Thank you all for coming." Yukari cleared her throat a couple of times. "As you know, there's been a change in the command structure. Some of you may not be comfortable with this. I get it. We will discuss that more in-depth later. However, our first item on the agenda…is clarification."
Yukari turned to Rirko. Everyone looked at him, and he knew he was about to go on trial. "Mr. Nagasawa. We understand that new Sensha-do rules prohibit any student participating if they are emotionally compromised. However, we wish to barter on these conditions."
Rirko was a little confused before realizing what Yukari was asking for. Nodding, he took the centre while she sat down. "Tank Commanders and other members of the Oarai Sensha-do Team. I understand your trepidation…"
"Trepidation?" Asked Azusa.
Ceasar explained it to her. "Fear and anxiety."
"Oh."
"However, rest assured, that Miho will still play an integral part of the team." The tank commanders looked around the room, confused.
"So, Miho's not suspended?"
"She is! Is she?"
"I don't know; I'm confused."
"Well think Yukari asked, huh."
Even Miho was confused by this revelation. So, when Rirko relieved her of command, what did it honestly mean?
"I don't think most of you listened to what I said yesterday about this. I'll repeat it: it's with a heavy heart that I temporary relieve Miho of command, until such time she has shown to me and her peers that she is able to once again take the responsibility of leadership."
The room was silent for a second. "So, it isn't a perma-ban?" asked Nekonya.
Rirko starred at her.
"Oh right, temporary."
"Now then. Federation rules state that they are to not participate in all aspects of Sensha-do. However, this rule when looking it up is up to the discretion of the presiding counsellor."
Murmurs started to fly again.
"Girls, please! Miho won't be going on the battlefield, nor will she be acting in a command capacity. Nor will she be able to ride tanks." Miho's heart sank, and she looked defectively on the table.
"That being said, I will allow her to act in an advisory role regarding mentorship, training and strategic planning. Ultimately, however, the contingency command must be respected. Yukari will make the overall decision on the team's course of action."
Rirko already mentioned it to the Student Council way back when. However, the only difference is that it was no longer a suggestion. It was an order, under the authority of the Federation.
Although Miho wouldn't be riding tanks for a while, at least she could still be with her friends. That consolation was better than nothing.
"Um, Mr. Nagasawa?" Kii asked. "When will Nishizumi-Sempai return to commanding a tank?"
"…that's up for your commander to decide." Rirko looked at Miho. If she wanted back in a tank, then she would have to step up her recovery process. However, understanding mental issues, especially ones that cause fear and anxiety, would be a long process. She started, at least, but still had some ways to go.
The team had yet to understand the seriousness of Miho's situation, but perhaps that would be for the best. If more people found out, Miho would be smothered with support. A person like her likes to keep her privacy. As Rirko sat down, he and Miho exchanged glances. He wanted her back in, but the way she was right now, it wasn't going to happen.
'What do you want me to do?' Miho wondered. 'What am I supposed to do to go back to the team?' Such questions could be used in a session, maybe?
"Thank you for that clarification…Mr Nagasawa." Yukari was moving on the list. "Now, on the issue of the chain of command. I know most of you don't think of me as a competent strategist or leader like Miss Nishizumi. I admit, she's a tough act to follow."
Yukari was right in this regard. Miho's job in commanding the team was unparalleled. So, how would Yukari's style differ from hers? Would it be business as usual or something different altogether?
"For now, we will keep most things the same. It doesn't mean it won't change. There may be some adaptations we need to implement in the coming weeks. The team commanders will still give out their input on strategies, and the teams will be working extra hard in doing their part. Each team will also be encouraged to 'think on the fly' when something goes wrong. That's our strength. To do the unexpected and surprise the enemy."
The tank commanders looked at one another. Some shook, others nodded.
"I am not like Miss Nishizumi. Nor will I act like her. I can only do my best to drive this team forward. But…I can't do it alone! I need support from every one of you. It wouldn't be Oarai Girl's Academy Sensha-do Team without you girls!"
Yukari was asking for help, from the heart. Some commanders could pick up on that. The ones that were sceptical about her experience and resolve were starting to think twice. She may have the makings of a team commander yet.
"All I'm saying that if you have an issue, let me know. I'll make it my job to listen. Also, if you have a suggestion, make sure you tell me. This isn't my team. This is OUR team. So, let's make it the best we can be."
Nodding, the commanders applauded Yukari for being frank with them. Miho wiped a tear of joy, proud that her protégé was able to rouse the team members together. The rest of the meeting spoke of restructuring. Since Leopon was one member short, they were to reassign their members to double duty until Hoshino was able to come back. Not only that, Anglerfish was in a similar situation. Yukari would have to pull double duty as a loader and team commander. They would still need to work out how they could operate a tank while its loader was coordinating the attacks.
Rirko listened silently to their plans. They weren't ordinary girls who would talk about the latest trend or boys. They were also smart girls with dreams and ambitions. And a deep love for one another as a team. When it was all over, the commanders were in high spirits. As Rirko headed out the door, Miho caught him.
"May I speak with you? Please?"
'Geez.' He knew he wasn't going to like what Miho had to say. However, he had to cut her some slack. It was some high-level stuff that went down with her yesterday, and he didn't expect her to get over it so soon.
Notojima – Hotel Lobby – Morning
The commanders regrouped with the rest of their team. Some of them went out into town to buy some souvenirs. Others stayed in their rooms, waiting for the departure time. Not wanting to intrude on the conversation, Yukari excused herself to begin packing for the trip back to Oarai.
Miho and Rirko sat awkwardly, as like in the office. She looked scared and stressed. Rirko did his best to keep an empathetic ear.
"Thank you for yesterday. I mean…"
"Well, you've been through a lot. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did."
She nodded. "I understand why you had to do it. I'm not happy, I admit. But…I'll take whatever I can get." She was still disappointed about not being able to ride the tanks. That was understandable as she spent most of her life around them. Now she's within their grasp but not able to ride one.
"I'm glad you're able to understand the reasoning behind it. Most people would put their emotions first, and allow their sadness and anger to direct their activities."
There was a silence between the two for a while.
"What you said in the conference room. What did you mean 'it's up to me?'
"Well, what do you think it means?"
"I don't know."
"Think about it, Miho. What does it mean for you to do?"
This was her thinking about her feelings again. Although she didn't like doing it, she had to. "Figure out why things are happening?"
Rirko nodded. "There's a reason for your attacks. The mind may not know, but the body seems to be reacting to some danger of sorts. When you have that attack, it kicks into a 'fight or flight' mode."
"Fight or flight?"
"When we're faced with a difficult situation we either face it head on or run away. The problem with you is that your body is reacting that way, even though you've faced your share of a stressful situation. Further, it sometimes reacts when nothing else is there."
"So…what can I do when that happens. I can…feel it coming…if that makes sense."
"That's good. You can take steps then to avoid an attack. Would you like to know?"
"Yes please!" Miho looked eager to learn. Rirko nodded.
"First, think about the situation itself. Have you've been in this situation before? What are the chances of you getting hurt? What is the worst-case scenario? Asking yourself these questions helps ground yourself to the present. Your body is maybe reacting to nothing…therefore, be afraid of nothing."
"If everything is fine, then I'm overreacting?"
"In layman terms, yes. It's a bit tricky, especially when you have an attack coming on. That's why you should try breathing techniques."
"Oh! I've been doing that…just not that much."
"Well, practice makes perfect. Trying doing it every day, even when you don't have an attack coming on. That way, when it does happen, you're ready."
"Be prepared for it. Okay."
"What else?" Rirko wanted to help Miho self-regulate herself. It would be a way to start off her self-recovery. "Your friends and teammates and your sister are there to support you. But, there may be times when they're too supportive. Do you know what I mean?"
"I think, yes. But I don't want to hurt their feelings."
'Sweet Miho, always thinking about others. So cute.' "They are maybe doing it too much. Let them know when you need your space. Even though being alone is frown upon in your situation, sometimes people need some time to think. It can be in a public place by yourself or a secluded place like the forest."
"Make time for me."
"Yeah." Miho seemed to be listening to every piece of advice. She wanted to get well. "Finally. Your emotions and feelings."
This was the hard pill to swallow. Miho braced herself.
"You still don't want people to know how you truly feel. That's okay sometimes. But if you need to get something off your chest, talk to someone right away. Don't wait. If you do, then your body will react to the negativity you have in your mind. That will be an onset of an attack."
She looked down, "Can you explain it to me a bit further?"
"Sure. I've noticed you're reserved when it comes to things other than tanks. You have an opinion, a feeling; these things can be shared. Find an outlet to let these feelings known."
"How?"
"Activity. Painting, flower arrangements, making videos, be creative when expressing yourself. It doesn't have to be alone; it can be with others. Your friends or other like-minded people." Rirko was suggesting opening herself more to other people. Not just people in her school.
"I'm…I'm not good with meeting new people."
"There are a lot of ways you can meet people. Groups that are like-minded as you. Joining a class that teaches something new. Sharing your knowledge about certain things, volunteering for an organisation. Like I said, use your imagination. Explore the world around you. You'll be surprised how much is out there when you take that first step."
The suggestions he made were lifestyle choices that Miho had to go on her own. It meant getting her out of her comfort zone and explore things she has never considered before. It was scary…but she was intent on doing it to get back on the team.
"These things you're suggesting. Will they work?"
Rirko shrugged. "Well, we don't know unless we try, right?"
"And can I still see you? In the mornings?" He nodded.
"You have support. You'll get there." She was uncertain of this path but was sure she would be able to pull it off. She was confident that it would work.
"Then…what about Sensha-do? If I do these things? Will I be able to get back?"
"You never left the team, Miho. You're taking on another, less active role. You need a break, time to recover. Figure out things, the reasoning behind these attacks. Take time in getting that answer. You're still the Sensha-do commander for the team, right? That it'll still be there."
Just because she wasn't taking an active role, it didn't mean she was kicked off the team. But Miho liked riding in tanks. That was her passion. Although Rirko's answer was not the one she was looking for, she was enthusiastic about the possibility of things getting back to normal.
"I'll try Mr. Nagasawa. I'll try my best."
"That's all I ask. If you want it, you'll get there. You got to believe in that." She stood up and bowed, with a small smile.
"Excuse me? Are you Oarai's student counsellor?"
Miho's skin turned pale as if she saw a ghost. Inquisitively, Rirko closed his eyes and addressed the visitors. "Who wants to know?"
Notojima – Town Center – Morning
Ami looked at her watch. "9:25." In dress uniform, she sat on a nearby bench near the fountain. Oddly enough, it was the same fountain she and Rirko sat on a few days ago.
Twiddling her thumbs, repositioning herself slightly and sighing, her meetings would be just like any meeting. But she felt something different about it. Uneasy.
Suddenly, a figure approached her, and she stood up. Walking towards her, she was ready. She bowed.
"Sensei."
Shiho, sporting grey coat and skirt with black shoes, folded her arms. "I almost didn't see you, Ami. Why did you choose a place like this?"
"Sensei, you said inconspicuous."
Shiho did say that to her. 'I didn't mean out of view from everyone, just not in plain sight.' "Don't act smart, Ami. It's not polite."
Both Ami and Shiho sat down on the bench. For a moment, they watched as the people walked about their business. The Pravda/ Oarai students leaving the centre to got back to the respective school.
"When I got your text, I was concerned. You don't usually text me unless it's critical."
Shiho nodded. "I feel that the situation in Oarai has gotten out of hand."
"You mean with Miho?"
"Hmm…" Wow, you figured it out Ami, I think I got a gold star somewhere. "I want to know exactly what happened and more specifically… Rirko Nagasawa."
Ami was speechless. Her conversations were with confidence. He trusted her to keep the things he said a secret and now her teacher wants to share said information with her?
"You know I can't tell you much. It was said in confidence."
"So, you do know something."
"I do. But I gave my word that I wouldn't speak to anyone about it."
Shiho chuckled slightly. "You never change, Ami. You're always so reliable. Perhaps to a fault." She stared at the fountain. "You are one of my joys in my entire career; you know that? With your skill, you were able to get far."
"I have you to thank, Sensei." The feeling was mutual. The relationship between teacher and student was strong. It transcended time and grows. Sometimes it becomes something more and other times, and they drift apart because of differences. "But I didn't know that. I just thought of myself of 'one of Shiho Nishizumi's students.'"
"But you were a student with a strong will," Shiho explained. "When people hear the name 'Nishizumi' they usually tremble with respect. And rightfully so. But when we first met, you were fearless. You didn't care who taught you, so long as you were able to learn."
"I was brash and foolish back then. I think I'm still am." Shiho could help but laugh softly at that admission. Then, she turned serious.
"Things are changing in the world of Sensha-do. I recognize that. Myself, Chiyo, we're all part of a dying breed. Trying to keep the old ways going but it's only a matter of time."
"What are you saying, sensei?" Ami was wondering where she was going with this. "You sound as if you're dying."
Shiho looked up at the sky. "I have a couple of years left, Ami. But I speak about the world of Sensha-do. I had hope my daughters, and you would be the ones to carry on the Nishizumi legacy and with it the old ways. I'm teaching Maho everything she needs to know, while she can still learn. As for Miho…"
She trailed off. As she spoke, she spoke in a sad voice. "She's so much like her father. Compassionate, idealistic, faithful. But she has diverged from me, going her way and forsaking generations of Nishizumi heritage. What she is trying to accomplish, I do not know. However, what I do know is that she is hurting now, and I don't know why."
Shiho was open with Ami about how she felt about her daughters and her responsibility as head of the family. It was a tough job; in which to keep the past alive. Ami listened. What she did, she did rarely but only for a few people that had earned her respect: she confided in her.
"Sensei…"
"Ami." The guise of a confident and intimidating woman, hidden in a stoic mask, was gone. This was the face of a mother's anguish. Of course, she could not show this to anyone, not even her daughters. It would be seen by all as a sign of weakness. "I need your help. Please tell me what is happening to Miho."
Ami sighed. Her loyalty to her teacher and her right to know as a mother won the day. She would tell as much as she needed to know.
But the question was: would Rirko understand?
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Lobby – Morning
Darjeeling, Orange Pekoe, Kay, Anchovy, Katyusha and Nonna were standing there waiting for Rirko. Awe-struck, Miho sat down once again.
He recognized some faces. 'Oh, tea girl. Another tea girl. Fun sized and fun size's assistant.'
"Miho, dear!" Everyone, at once, rushed in. "How are you doing?"
"I-I'm fine, Darjeeling. Thank you for your conc-"
"Geez lady, you are nuts! What made you think of doing something so reckless!" Kay rushed in and gave her a huge hug. Miho felt the air leave her body.
"Don't ever do that again! I was so worried about you!"
"Kay, I'm sorry! C-Can you let go? Your hurting…"
"Oh," Kay released her, and Miho took deep breaths. "Sorry, I got carried away."
"I am glad you are well, Miho." Nonna walked towards her. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm alright. Thank you for your concern." Katyusha hung back, not moving an inch and looked at Miho. Nonna, concerned about her captain's behaviour, decided not to press her to say anything.
Anchovy sighed. "We tried to see you as soon as we could. But we weren't able to because of those stupid-"
"What Anchovy is trying to say," Darjeeling interjected, "was that we wanted to see you on the field yesterday but got held up. Protocols and such."
"Makes sense…" Miho smiled and nodded while the captains were talking. At one point, Rirko and Miho's eyes locked with each other. It looked like she wanted 'out'. Her eyes looked as if she was pleading him to help her.
Rirko cleared his throat a couple of times. "Miho."
"Y-Yes, Mr. Nagasawa?"
"I believe that you're due to a debrief in Yukari's room. Talking to the other tank commanders about strengths and opportunities, yes? Or have you forgotten?" He tapped on his watch a couple of times. Initially confused, she smartened up.
"That's right! I-I must go. Yukari and the others are waiting for me!"
"Alright, Miho. Please keep in touch." Darjeeling and the others were still worried about her friend but were glad they were able to see her. As Miho bowed and said her goodbyes, he past Rirko and whispered to him.
"Thank you."
As she left, all attention laid upon Rirko. 'Oh crap. What do these girls want with me?'
"Please forgive us. We haven't introduced ourselves, have we? I am Darjeeling. Glorianna's Sensha-do captain. This is Orange Pekoe." The Glorianna girls bowed.
"Hiya! I'm Kay! Saunders' Sensha-do captain."
"Duce Anchovy of Anzio High!" She gave a solemn bow. "Captain of Anzio's Sensha-do Team. A pleasure."
"I don't think we need any introductions, do we?" Nonna smiled, and Katyusha nodded.
"There are more of us, however, due to other obligations at their school they are unable to meet you here today," Darjeeling explained to Rirko. He stared at them.
'Prissy rich girl much?' "So, now that we are properly introduced…what brings you here?"
"Oh, you're a smart guy, you figured it out!" Katyusha butted in. She was trying to act like herself in front of the others. Of course, this irked Rirko somewhat.
"Katyusha, be nice." Nonna sternly warned her. Not wanting an angry Nonna on her, she apologised quickly.
"I'm sure that you're not here for a social visit." He knew the reason why they were there. They all sat down around him.
"Concerned about Miho, are you?" The murmurs confirmed it.
"We are all here to see if we can help."
"It's nice to see you girls care." Rirko glossed over the girls. They were all worried and truly wanted to make Miho better. "I won't go into specifics, but if yesterday's match was any indication, she's dealing with issues. Lots and lots of issues."
"What caused that?" Kay asked, leaning forward a little. "I mean, Miho's been in danger before, and she never had that problem."
"Maybe she was hiding it," Anchovy suggested. She crossed her arms in thought. "Miho always has a smile and thinking about others. She didn't want to make us worry, maybe?"
"What make you come to that conclusion?" asked Rirko. She was right, of course, but how she arrived at that deduction was the question.
"When I faced her last. We had our post celebration. She was all smiles, with the rest of the team. Laughing, giggling, having a good time. But, I felt, something."
"Something?" Interesting. "What did you feel?"
"I felt...I felt she was not genuine. That smile and laughter that I saw. She was forcing it. She was, acting as if she was happy. I mean, I don't know. It's just a feeling, that's all. It made me uneasy."
Darjeeling understood how she was able to deduce that logic. "You're close to your teammates. You would have an affinity to sense how people are feeling, just by being next to them." Anzio was all about friendship and comradery.
"Can that happen?"
"Well, it's not out of the realm of possibility," Rirko explained. "Sensing energy: it's a skill that everyone has. Yours is more developed is all. If you spend a lot of time with people, your tank mates, you can develop a 'sixth sense' to feel the energies of others. Good observation, Duce."
Anchovy blushed and nodded.
"Anything else?"
"The way she treats her teammates. She truly does care about them and makes their problems her problems. Maybe too much." Kay had time to think about Miho and concluded that her relationship with her team was like a mother hen and her chicks. She took care of her own.
'Making other problems, your problems. That's just asking to be a doormat.'
"She's too soft!" Everyone turned to Katyusha, who had a serious look. "Mihosha cares too much!"
"Oh?"
"What do you mean 'oh'? We all saw! She was willing to risk herself for others! Never had I heard her yell or scream at someone! I'm guessing she just caters to different situations, not addressing the issue."
"Guess?" Nonna asked.
"Nonna...shh." Nodding, Nonna let Katyusha explain further. "We have our styles of leadership, but sometimes a firm voice shows others who's boss. Her style makes her equal to everyone else. If there's a problem, it's always mediation and never directive."
'Too soft? Now that she mentioned it, she only yelled when breaking up that one fight. Other than that, she's always mediating conflicts and never demanding her team of anything.' Rirko was getting a good idea of what Miho was like to her rivals. It was beneficial information.
"You all identified problems with Miho, as well as validated her strengths. Going back to the original question: what can you do to help?" The girls leaned forward, awaiting the answers.
"Sometimes, a person wants to talk about something, but either can't find the proper words or too scared about the 'what ifs.'"
"What ifs?" Orange Pekoe asked.
"What if they hate me? What if they laugh at me? What if they won't be my friend anymore. Worst case scenario. Establish yourself as a friend who will be by her side. If you know, something is wrong, or feel it, address the situation. But don't push it too far. Some scenarios include constantly calling, pushing for more information, accusations. These things don't help. Rather they harm. I'm pretty sure you don't want to be hurting her, right?"
All shook their heads.
"Don't beat around the bush. If you have something to say, say it then. Most likely she'll know that you know something is troubling her. Above all else, be patient. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about that day, or she's not willing to share everything on her mind. That's okay. If you truly care for her, then let her come to you. Be patient. Wait and see."
Like Anglerfish, the captains were new when supporting a person with emotional issues.
"Take care of yourselves foremost. That's important. Caring for a person like this may be too much sometimes. I told Anglerfish the same thing. Take a break when you need too. You girls are doing this out of the goodness of your own heart. She's lucky! Not many people dealing with this problem have that support."
"I think I can say for all of us here. We've been touched by Miho's heart one way or another. She has always supported us in our endeavours. We shall support her in her time of need."
"Glad to hear it. It would break my heart if she lost all of you at this stage."
"What, you think we abandon her?" Apparently, Kay took offence to this. "I don't quite know what's going on, but you'll be sure as hell that I'll help her out!"
"Same goes for me. Anzio's way of life has always been to support one another. Miho may not be from Anzio, but she's a fellow practitioner of Sensha-do. Plus, I like her."
"We all do. And we'll do whatever it takes to help her on her feet."
Katyusha was quiet, folding her arms and waiting anxiously. "What's wrong, Katyusha? Do you want to go somewhere?"
"No! I mean, yes! W-Where's the girl from the other night?"
Rirko pointed them in the right direction. "You mean, Yukari? I believe that she's in her hotel room. It's on this floor, ask the front desk." Katyusha got up and headed towards the front desk. Nonna, bowing, made her way as well.
"I wonder why she wants to talk to Yukari suddenly?" Anchovy asked. "She's been acting weird as of late."
"Yeah, she's less of a prick." Kay was certainly blunt. Rirko rolled his eyes. 'There's such a thing called tact, Kay.'
"Well, me and Anchovy are gonna look around. There are some souvenirs we want to get the girls!" Kay, excitedly, headed towards the door, her head up high and skipping a little.
Anchovy sighed. "It's window shopping for me…I'm broke."
Rirko looked at her. "Broke? Then how the heck did you get here?"
"I was only able to come here because we restricted snacks from two to one. I didn't ask for it, but the girls wanted me and the others to come here. 'You three work hard, Duce', 'Have a great time, Duce, don't worry about us!' It was…ah…" She shook her head mournfully. Anchovy wasn't the type to look for handouts. Anzio had their pride, after all. She was just guilty that she wouldn't get souvenirs for her friends.
Darjeeling and Orange Pekoe looked with pity. "Anzio's still in cash restraints, huh?" She nodded.
Rirko watched the entire affair. "Ah! Damnit!" He quickly took out his wallet, grabbed the last 5000 yen and handed it over to Anchovy. The three looked on with surprise. Anchovy stood there with shock.
"I-I-I can't accept it. It's not…"
Rirko pointed his finger at her. "Not another word. Take it gracefully, don't mention it to anyone and buy dollar gifts for your girls to make it last longer. Now, get out of here."
Her eyes filled up with tears, and she stood there before bowing repentantly and headed towards Kay.
"Probably faking," Rirko said, sorrowfully. "Gonna be spending that cash on something for herself."
Darjeeling shook her head. "Not at all. Duce Anchovy is a girl with integrity. There's no way she would spend anything on herself. And it is true that Anzio is in dire cash restraints right now. It's a miracle that they were able to send her using a helicopter."
'So, I didn't get cheated, that's good.' It was a spur of a moment for Rirko. He didn't know if Anchovy would be taking advantage of his generosity, but a recommendation from Darjeeling made him feel better. It was improper for a stranger to give money to another stranger, but seeing Anchovy mournfully talk about not being able to bring something back for her team made him sad. Darjeeling was about to head out with Orange Pekoe.
"Your insight is invaluable, Mr. Nagasawa. Thank you so much."
"Your welcome, Miss Darjeeling."
"There's just one thing."
"Yes?" He didn't like her tone. She sounded concerned.
"I heard that a counselor's job is taxing at times and there are instances where a person takes said counsellor to their limits. Have you ever experienced this before?"
Now that she mentioned it, Rirko was getting snippy, and there were times where his patience ran thin.
"Have you ever heard of this saying? 'He who makes a beast of himself removes himself from the pain of being human.'"
"Dr. Samuel Johnson, right?"
"Yes. Sometimes, a beast is necessary to break down the walls of insecurities, deprivation and despair. But sometimes beasts can scare off the one thing they wish to protect."
Why did Darjeeling sound like a philosopher? "What are you trying to say, Miss Darjeeling?"
She sighed. "Miho is one of my dear friends. She has gained my respect long ago. But I also know that she can be bull-headed sometimes and wishes to handle these situations...personally. That is a recipe for disaster. Confrontation is necessary sometimes to get the intended result. Don't you agree?"
Rirko recalled what happened between him and Maho. He had to be direct with her to open her up. He faced that same problem with Miho a couple of times. Darjeeling was making a point. Being direct sometimes works. But it was a 50/50 chance.
"Thank you, Miss Darjeeling; I will take it under advisement."
Nodding slightly, she and Orange Pekoe left. Rirko was by himself again. It was thirty past ten. Reflecting on his talks, he thought to himself:
'Miho has friends left and right. It would have been problematic if I told them that she was suspended as a captain. Everyone wants to help, and that's nice and all. But that's just handling the symptoms. To get to the bottom of this, I need to know 'why' this is happening. So, that means cleaning out the closet. Fun times.'
Notojima – Town Center – Morning
When Shiho asked Ami about Miho, she was rightfully surprised. Since that match, Miho didn't even have one proper conversation with her. Forget Christmas, New Years or also well wishes. She conveyed all messages to Maho, and they were strictly about Sensha-do. Her wanting to find out about Miho's well-being was a surprise to be sure.
Even though Ami spoke to Rirko in confidence, Ami felt that as Miho's mother, she should at least be privy to what is going on in Oarai. She mentioned to her about Miho's stress and anxiety, her recent spell of panic attacks that affected her physically and emotionally. There was also how she was getting support from her friends and school.
She spoke, at length, about Miho's struggle with emotional distress and how to deal with it. The attacks have affected her to the point where her performance on the battlefield was changed as well.
Then, the topic about Rirko came up. It was a subject that Ami wasn't looking forward too. For the most part, Shiho had been understanding and patient. But when she mentioned Rirko's name, she turned hostile.
"He's a menace," Shiho said, matter-of-factly. "He's prying into private matters that don't concern him."
Ami shook her head. "So long as Miho is a student of Oarai, he has every right to be concerned about her well-being."
"He can't begin to imagine the life of a Nishizumi. A man like him…a foreigner like him has no place in our affairs."
"But he knows how to talk to Miho. The Nishizumi are strong-willed individuals, and that extends to both you and your daughters. But I've seen him break down mental resistances of some stubborn girls. He changes them in a way that benefits them. That especially goes for Miho."
"What ridiculousness is this, Ami?" Shiho had trouble believing that a man like Rirko could ever connect with a Nishizumi. Granted, Miho was a black sheep, but she was taught to keep her guard up always. The enemy could be lurking anywhere.
"Call it what you want Sensei. But thanks to him, she's been getting a better handle on what to do about how she feels. And, more importantly, be a supportive figure when things get tough."
"Explain."
Sighing, Ami had to make Shiho realize the gravity of the situation. Like the majority of Japan, she didn't think that mental health was that much of a problem because no one sees it.
"The first time Miho suffered a panic attack. She went to the counselor's office and…"
Ami went silent. Talking about an issue that sensitive required the right words. But Shiho was impatient.
"What happened Ami? Tell me. Now."
Ami stared at her. "She broke down. Completely. She was a total mess. Miho spent half a day in the infirmary."
Shiho may have looked stoic, but inside she was horrified. Total mess? Infirmary? Just what was happening with her daughter? 'Why is this happening to you Miho? What is going on in that head of yours?' She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a minute and re-established her bearing.
"So, now you know."
"And is that everything, Ami?"
She sighed. "No, that is not everything. But it's all you're going to get right now until he says otherwise."
"Then I need to speak with Mr. Nagasawa then."
"Yes."
Regardless of the service, he rendered to Miho, Shiho couldn't trust him. His ways, his methods, his style. "The west and the east have always had a difference of opinion. Where he may see my methods in raising children harshly, it is perfectly normal here."
"That may be true. But he is a man of honour. He cares for the people around him. Connects with them."
"Emotions are nothing more than a hindrance on the battlefield, especially in Sensha-do. To have such emotions is to invite weakness. A weakness that your enemies will exploit." The Nishizumi had always strived for excellence. One of the ways they tried to obtain that was to show as less emotion as possible. That way, their opponents have no idea what they are thinking.
"One final question: what does he think about me?"
Ami knew that this was coming. "He fears you. He doesn't want anything to do with you."
Shiho rolled her eyes. "The feeling is mutual. Ami, tell him this message the next time you see him."
"Sensei?"
"Tell him. If he meddles in our affairs again. Then, there will be hell to pay. And you know how serious I can be."
With this threat, the meeting was over. Shiho left without saying another word. Ami felt guilty about giving her information when Rirko trusted her with its secrecy.
"What am I going to do? How should I explain it to him?"
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Lobby – Afternoon
When Ami arrived back at the lobby, Rirko was in the seating area. Most of the students waved and greeted her, but she walked right past them. They had concerned looks, as to wonder what happened to her. Rirko saw her and noted she was different. He went up to her.
"What happened?"
Ami was surprised. She couldn't say a thing to him when he was so direct. "I…uh…"
"Come on." He motioned her to a secluded area in the lobby. There, she sat with him. They looked at each other.
"I guess your meeting didn't go well."
"How…how the hell do you know?"
"You're quiet. You're not usually quiet. You're usually chatting it up with the girls and waving. But this time, you moved right passed them. What's up?"
Ami swollen hard. Her heart was racing. "You know that Federation rep I met?"
"Yeah?"
"It was Shiho."
Rirko looked at her blankly. She turned away from him. "Jesus f***ing Christ."
"Yeah. Tell me about it."
"Yeah. Tell me about it."
"So, I suppose she knows everything now, right?"
Once again, Ami was in shock. "You…how?"
"Hey, if I was her, I want to know what the hell is going on."
She sighed. "I tried. I held as much information as I could. And I did. But she knows some of our conversations. I'm sorry. I am."
Ami looked guilty. She failed to keep her promise. Rirko was silent. For a few moments, they just sat there.
"Rirko, stop with the silent treatment, okay! I made a mistake, but she cornered me! Understand where I'm coming from! I respect her! She was my teacher! Just yell, scream, how much of a traitor I am, just say something!"
Rirko smirked and took Ami's hand. He gave her wrist a light tap.
"There. Now we're even."
Amazed about what happened, she had to think about what he did. "A slap…on the wrist? Are you screwing with me?!"
"Shiho was going to find out eventually. Sooner rather than later. But I admit if Shiho starts asking questions, and Miho catches wind, and she freaks out…I'm throwing you under the bus, okay?"
She understood. He would say that Ami was the one to tell her all about the goings-on in Oarai.
"I'm really sorry, Rirko. I really, really am sorry."
"It's done. I could freak out on you, call you all those things. But, will they change the situation?"
"No. It won't."
"Anything else she said?"
"Yeah…There was this one thing." It was going to be interesting. What did Shiho say?
"It was a message: meddle in our affairs again and there will be hell to pay." Rirko squinted one eye for a minute, before smirking. He got up and rejoined the girls.
'That went…better than I hoped.' Ami felt that she would have to make it up to him.
'At least Ami was truthful. But now, Shiho know some things about Miho and her condition. I'll have to be more careful about what I say to Ami from now on. Even though she's a confidant, her connection with Shiho is a problem. But then again…I could use that.'
He had choice words about Shiho's message. But decided to be the better man and let her have that small victory.
The bus came. Some team members were carrying bags. As the driver started to load their luggage, Anglerfish arrived. At once, some members went to talk with them. Words of encouragement and love. Miho nodded and smiled a little. When it was all said and done, the bus left Notojima and back to Oarai.
The mood on the bus was sombre, mainly due to the match. Once again, the girls little talk much. Only some idle chatter and some chuckles were heard.
Even Ami and Rirko were quiet. While Rirko forgave Ami for giving up information, he was disappointed that after her assurances of confidentiality, she told anyway. But, he should have seen it coming. Shiho was Ami's teacher. A relationship between teacher and student can exist long after the student left the school. Ami knew he was not happy with the turn of events and resolved to make things right.
Anglerfish slept on the way back to Oarai, except for Miho. As the bright lights and sounds transitioned to the calming sea, she only thought about what she could do to get back in her tank and lead the team. The gears in her head were undoubtedly turning.
'Talk more. More friends. Join people. I've never done any of that stuff before. He says explore? How do I do that? How do I get myself out there?'
Rubbing her temples, the anxiety of meeting new people and talking about things not related to tanks. Other than tanks and Boko, there wasn't much else. What could she do?
'Mr. Nagasawa suggested these ideas. I can ask him later.'
They were nearing the ship, their home. Soon, they would all rest and begin a brand-new day.
A/N: Sorry for the ending. Don't know why but it's weird to me. Perhaps it could have ended better, I don't know. Anyways, with the match over and done with you'd think things would calm down but nope. There's a few more chapters with some heavy stuff. Just a fair warning. Thank you all for your support on this.
A/N: Drama is over for now. Hope you enjoy the chapter. Also, if there are any artists out there let me know. I'd like to make a fan art for this story. It would be really great!
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Lobby – Morning
The majority of Oarai's students were assembling to the town's square. Unlike the Sensha-do team, they were participating in the closing ceremony of the Winter Festival and would be departing right after. The team had a leave of absence, as they joined in the match. The Student Council thought that due to their efforts, they should at least get some time for some R&R. Afterwards, they would depart from the hotel in the afternoon.
There was no drama for Anglerfish last night. Miho slept well and greeted the other girls at roughly the same time they all went for breakfast. However, during breakfast, word got around about Yukari holding a meeting for the team commanders to discuss something.
Rirko and Ami didn't have breakfast at the hotel. They decided to have breakfast at a local café. As the sun rose on the town, they sat waiting for their order. Both are sipping on their coffee, they both noticed students slowly starting to trickle out of the hotel and form up into classes.
"Lot of students going to the closing event," Rirko noted as he drank his coffee. He was still groggy, after yesterday. It was a trying time, and he didn't get much sleep. Most of it was worrying about the relationship between him and the Sensha-do Team.
"Well, it's almost the entire school. As soon as the ceremony's over, they'll be heading back to Oarai."
"Right. Meanwhile, we're chaperoning the team here until the afternoon, yeah?" Ami nodded while taking a sip of her black coffee. Rirko put some cream and sugar in his.
"You don't take it black?"
"No. Why?"
"You get a more of a kick if you take it black. Putting all that cream and sugar dilutes the effectiveness."
"Did you know it takes about twenty minutes for the caffeine to hit?"
"Really? Didn't know that."
"I know it's bad, but I'd rather have an energy drink than take coffee if I need an extra boost."
"Won't you crash in the afternoon?"
"Depending what you're doing on that day."
Their food came. Ami had a traditional Japanese breakfast. Grilled salmon with rice and miso soup. For Rirko, scrambled eggs and bacon with some toast.
"Is that what western eat for breakfast?"
Rirko nodded. "It's a bit of a luxury. Sometimes, I don't even have time for breakfast. I'm busy hauling ass to schools for that day."
"So, you go to other schools? For what?"
"Meh, supply work. But that was before. As soon as I get back, I'll be back on the job hunt."
Rirko began to eat his breakfast. Ami just looked at him and was wondering about his career before coming to Japan.
"You didn't have a permanent job before?"
"Kinda. The work came in every day so you could call it a full time. Even though it was on-call, I still had to travel constantly to other locations in the city. Sometimes, I was there for long periods of time. From weeks to months."
"Kind of what we got here." Ami blew on her soup. "But our teachers don't seem to get sick as much, so we don't see supplies here. Especially, male staff."
"That's considering you're on a carrier school ship and all of the faculty are female staff. It's like being on a ship of the Valkyries."
"Valkyries?" Ami was confused by the Norse Mythology reference.
"Long story. It means that most of the population are female. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
Ami smiled. "I get it. It was the same in Kuromorimine. Although, the staff were a lot stricter. Due to high expectations of a traditional Sensha-do school."
"I can imagine." Truthfully, Rirko didn't want to talk about anything Sensha-do related. Mainly because of the drama that unfolded yesterday. However, he didn't want to be rude. As the pair ate, some of the students saw Ami and waved while they were heading out. The streets of Notojima have filled once again with people heading over to their jobs and other places.
The café started to fill up with regular patrons. Soon, a sizable amount of people took their place either outside to take in the cold, morning air or inside to be snug and warm. As soon as Ami was done, she looked thoughtfully at Rirko.
"What?"
"I just…"
"Okay, what's up?"
She sighed. "If I were you, I wouldn't want to talk about it. But, it's from yesterday."
"Yeah?"
"How did things go? With Miho, I mean? And, did anything else happen? I mean, I was with the team when the match ended. Shiho made the call as the Federation chairperson, to end the match in a draw."
'Shiho did that? Holy shit!' That surprised Rirko, as he thought the judges were the ones who cancelled the match. He pondered on her words and thought it would be best to share everything.
"Well, Miho calmed down considerably. She rested afterwards. A few minutes later, guess who dropped by?"
Ami finished drinking her coffee. "Maho?"
"Yeah."
"No surprise. Considering what happened to Miho, she would have every right to worry."
"That's not all…" Rirko started to think how to word the entire situation. How she expressed herself to him…her real self.
"What is it? If you're that silent, then I can think that things didn't end up so good."
"Huh…how to put this? The mask…it broke."
"The mask? Broke? What do you mean?"
"She showed me…what she truly felt."
It took Ami to process the information. Then, she understood. "Oh my God. So, stoic face Maho talked to you? Not formally, but a person?"
"It took some…prodding. I had to get Maho riled up. I thought at the time she still doesn't trust me. But I hope that all doubts are gone now."
"What did she say?"
"Well,…things got real. I'm not going to go into the details." Even though Maho wasn't Rirko's responsibility, what she said was with confidence. To maintain that trust, he couldn't tell Ami. "Let's just say that both her and Miho are in the same boat."
"…I get it. Both sisters had their share of Shiho's teaching methods. I'm surprised that Maho lasted this long and is still going. Just a testament to her own strong will."
"She is a remarkable young lady. But she has her own sets of issues she will need to work out in the future. Otherwise, it will affect her in the long run."
"Thanks."
"For what? For telling you?"
"No. Miho and Maho. Knowing Miho from last year and Maho from back in the day, I think that they worked hard to get where they are. But there are times when I'm frustrated with them because they don't express themselves. But with you? You challenge them to do just that. Even after they won't talk to you. Even after they don't want to talk about anything because it hurts. You don't give up on them, even when they give up on themselves."
Ami's words were encouraging. Rirko thought himself a failure for taking Miho's passion away.
"Your words are comforting, Ami. Thanks. I needed that."
"I can see that you do. Even when the shit hits the fan, I'll be there to support you. Because you make it a priority to help these girls in any way possible. Remember that."
"I know, I know." Rirko smiled at her gently. With Ami's words, it made his job a whole lot more meaningful.
The pair finished up, paid the bill, and headed to the hotel. The last of the students trickled out of the lobby when they arrived. However, the two were both met by Mallard Team.
"Mr. Nagasawa. Miss Chono." Sodoko bowed, with her teammates.
"Good morning, Sodoko," Ami greeted. "What's going on?"
"Yukari has called a meeting with the other tank commanders to discuss the future of the team. She requests your presence."
Ami looked at her watch. "I actually have a meeting with a Sensha-do Federation representative this morning. I won't be able to attend. However…"
"I get the message." Rirko nodded to Ami. "Where will it be held?"
"One of the meeting rooms. The Student Council was able to get one, free of charge."
"Good for them. Just point me in the right direction."
Sodoko pointed towards the elevators, where there was a hallway. As Rirko headed there, Ami could only imagine what it could be referring to.
'I hope things don't get from bad to worse.' Looking at her watch, she walked to her room to prepare herself for the meeting.
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Conference Room – Morning
When Rirko arrived, the door was closed. He already knew what it was about. But it didn't make it any easier.
'Just another day. Just another day.' He thought it just another day, but it was a nerve-wracking one. When he dismissed Miho, and he explained himself yesterday, he felt the girls were going to attack him. They were loyal, all right, but got their priorities mixed up.
'They should be concerned more about their friend. Not about how they're going to perform. What, they just don't have faith in Yukari?' Sighing, he put on his best stoic look and entered.
When he entered, the team commanders, Miho and Yukari included, with Momo, Yuzu with Anzu, stared at him. He gave a short nod, then took his seat at the back. Crossing his arms, he waited for the meeting to begin.
Yukari was confused. Typically, a teacher would have a place in the front. But he decided to stick to the back? This confused the others as well. "Um. Good morning, Mr. Nagasawa."
"Yukari."
"Would you like to sit at the front? You don't have to sit back there."
Rirko squinted his eyes. "Sit, at the front? You want me to?"
Miho and Yukari looked at each other. "I believe it would be best." Slowly getting up, he passed the rest of the commanders and took a seat at the front. They waited for a few more moments for others to arrive.
"Where's Miss Chono," Yuzu asked.
"She sends her regrets. Unfortunately, she has another engagement with a representative of the Federation. You're stuck with me."
"I see."
As more team commanders came in, they all wore uncertain faces. Nakajima, Leopon's Commander, was given pats on the back and some hugs. She looked a bit worse for wear. It was understandable, after yesterday.
"I think everyone's here. Thank you all for coming." Yukari cleared her throat a couple of times. "As you know, there's been a change in the command structure. Some of you may not be comfortable with this. I get it. We will discuss that more in-depth later. However, our first item on the agenda…is clarification."
Yukari turned to Rirko. Everyone looked at him, and he knew he was about to go on trial. "Mr. Nagasawa. We understand that new Sensha-do rules prohibit any student participating if they are emotionally compromised. However, we wish to barter on these conditions."
Rirko was a little confused before realizing what Yukari was asking for. Nodding, he took the centre while she sat down. "Tank Commanders and other members of the Oarai Sensha-do Team. I understand your trepidation…"
"Trepidation?" Asked Azusa.
Ceasar explained it to her. "Fear and anxiety."
"Oh."
"However, rest assured, that Miho will still play an integral part of the team." The tank commanders looked around the room, confused.
"So, Miho's not suspended?"
"She is! Is she?"
"I don't know; I'm confused."
"Well think Yukari asked, huh."
Even Miho was confused by this revelation. So, when Rirko relieved her of command, what did it honestly mean?
"I don't think most of you listened to what I said yesterday about this. I'll repeat it: it's with a heavy heart that I temporary relieve Miho of command, until such time she has shown to me and her peers that she is able to once again take the responsibility of leadership."
The room was silent for a second. "So, it isn't a perma-ban?" asked Nekonya.
Rirko starred at her.
"Oh right, temporary."
"Now then. Federation rules state that they are to not participate in all aspects of Sensha-do. However, this rule when looking it up is up to the discretion of the presiding counsellor."
Murmurs started to fly again.
"Girls, please! Miho won't be going on the battlefield, nor will she be acting in a command capacity. Nor will she be able to ride tanks." Miho's heart sank, and she looked defectively on the table.
"That being said, I will allow her to act in an advisory role regarding mentorship, training and strategic planning. Ultimately, however, the contingency command must be respected. Yukari will make the overall decision on the team's course of action."
Rirko already mentioned it to the Student Council way back when. However, the only difference is that it was no longer a suggestion. It was an order, under the authority of the Federation.
Although Miho wouldn't be riding tanks for a while, at least she could still be with her friends. That consolation was better than nothing.
"Um, Mr. Nagasawa?" Kii asked. "When will Nishizumi-Sempai return to commanding a tank?"
"…that's up for your commander to decide." Rirko looked at Miho. If she wanted back in a tank, then she would have to step up her recovery process. However, understanding mental issues, especially ones that cause fear and anxiety, would be a long process. She started, at least, but still had some ways to go.
The team had yet to understand the seriousness of Miho's situation, but perhaps that would be for the best. If more people found out, Miho would be smothered with support. A person like her likes to keep her privacy. As Rirko sat down, he and Miho exchanged glances. He wanted her back in, but the way she was right now, it wasn't going to happen.
'What do you want me to do?' Miho wondered. 'What am I supposed to do to go back to the team?' Such questions could be used in a session, maybe?
"Thank you for that clarification…Mr Nagasawa." Yukari was moving on the list. "Now, on the issue of the chain of command. I know most of you don't think of me as a competent strategist or leader like Miss Nishizumi. I admit, she's a tough act to follow."
Yukari was right in this regard. Miho's job in commanding the team was unparalleled. So, how would Yukari's style differ from hers? Would it be business as usual or something different altogether?
"For now, we will keep most things the same. It doesn't mean it won't change. There may be some adaptations we need to implement in the coming weeks. The team commanders will still give out their input on strategies, and the teams will be working extra hard in doing their part. Each team will also be encouraged to 'think on the fly' when something goes wrong. That's our strength. To do the unexpected and surprise the enemy."
The tank commanders looked at one another. Some shook, others nodded.
"I am not like Miss Nishizumi. Nor will I act like her. I can only do my best to drive this team forward. But…I can't do it alone! I need support from every one of you. It wouldn't be Oarai Girl's Academy Sensha-do Team without you girls!"
Yukari was asking for help, from the heart. Some commanders could pick up on that. The ones that were sceptical about her experience and resolve were starting to think twice. She may have the makings of a team commander yet.
"All I'm saying that if you have an issue, let me know. I'll make it my job to listen. Also, if you have a suggestion, make sure you tell me. This isn't my team. This is OUR team. So, let's make it the best we can be."
Nodding, the commanders applauded Yukari for being frank with them. Miho wiped a tear of joy, proud that her protégé was able to rouse the team members together. The rest of the meeting spoke of restructuring. Since Leopon was one member short, they were to reassign their members to double duty until Hoshino was able to come back. Not only that, Anglerfish was in a similar situation. Yukari would have to pull double duty as a loader and team commander. They would still need to work out how they could operate a tank while its loader was coordinating the attacks.
Rirko listened silently to their plans. They weren't ordinary girls who would talk about the latest trend or boys. They were also smart girls with dreams and ambitions. And a deep love for one another as a team. When it was all over, the commanders were in high spirits. As Rirko headed out the door, Miho caught him.
"May I speak with you? Please?"
'Geez.' He knew he wasn't going to like what Miho had to say. However, he had to cut her some slack. It was some high-level stuff that went down with her yesterday, and he didn't expect her to get over it so soon.
Notojima – Hotel Lobby – Morning
The commanders regrouped with the rest of their team. Some of them went out into town to buy some souvenirs. Others stayed in their rooms, waiting for the departure time. Not wanting to intrude on the conversation, Yukari excused herself to begin packing for the trip back to Oarai.
Miho and Rirko sat awkwardly, as like in the office. She looked scared and stressed. Rirko did his best to keep an empathetic ear.
"Thank you for yesterday. I mean…"
"Well, you've been through a lot. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did."
She nodded. "I understand why you had to do it. I'm not happy, I admit. But…I'll take whatever I can get." She was still disappointed about not being able to ride the tanks. That was understandable as she spent most of her life around them. Now she's within their grasp but not able to ride one.
"I'm glad you're able to understand the reasoning behind it. Most people would put their emotions first, and allow their sadness and anger to direct their activities."
There was a silence between the two for a while.
"What you said in the conference room. What did you mean 'it's up to me?'
"Well, what do you think it means?"
"I don't know."
"Think about it, Miho. What does it mean for you to do?"
This was her thinking about her feelings again. Although she didn't like doing it, she had to. "Figure out why things are happening?"
Rirko nodded. "There's a reason for your attacks. The mind may not know, but the body seems to be reacting to some danger of sorts. When you have that attack, it kicks into a 'fight or flight' mode."
"Fight or flight?"
"When we're faced with a difficult situation we either face it head on or run away. The problem with you is that your body is reacting that way, even though you've faced your share of a stressful situation. Further, it sometimes reacts when nothing else is there."
"So…what can I do when that happens. I can…feel it coming…if that makes sense."
"That's good. You can take steps then to avoid an attack. Would you like to know?"
"Yes please!" Miho looked eager to learn. Rirko nodded.
"First, think about the situation itself. Have you've been in this situation before? What are the chances of you getting hurt? What is the worst-case scenario? Asking yourself these questions helps ground yourself to the present. Your body is maybe reacting to nothing…therefore, be afraid of nothing."
"If everything is fine, then I'm overreacting?"
"In layman terms, yes. It's a bit tricky, especially when you have an attack coming on. That's why you should try breathing techniques."
"Oh! I've been doing that…just not that much."
"Well, practice makes perfect. Trying doing it every day, even when you don't have an attack coming on. That way, when it does happen, you're ready."
"Be prepared for it. Okay."
"What else?" Rirko wanted to help Miho self-regulate herself. It would be a way to start off her self-recovery. "Your friends and teammates and your sister are there to support you. But, there may be times when they're too supportive. Do you know what I mean?"
"I think, yes. But I don't want to hurt their feelings."
'Sweet Miho, always thinking about others. So cute.' "They are maybe doing it too much. Let them know when you need your space. Even though being alone is frown upon in your situation, sometimes people need some time to think. It can be in a public place by yourself or a secluded place like the forest."
"Make time for me."
"Yeah." Miho seemed to be listening to every piece of advice. She wanted to get well. "Finally. Your emotions and feelings."
This was the hard pill to swallow. Miho braced herself.
"You still don't want people to know how you truly feel. That's okay sometimes. But if you need to get something off your chest, talk to someone right away. Don't wait. If you do, then your body will react to the negativity you have in your mind. That will be an onset of an attack."
She looked down, "Can you explain it to me a bit further?"
"Sure. I've noticed you're reserved when it comes to things other than tanks. You have an opinion, a feeling; these things can be shared. Find an outlet to let these feelings known."
"How?"
"Activity. Painting, flower arrangements, making videos, be creative when expressing yourself. It doesn't have to be alone; it can be with others. Your friends or other like-minded people." Rirko was suggesting opening herself more to other people. Not just people in her school.
"I'm…I'm not good with meeting new people."
"There are a lot of ways you can meet people. Groups that are like-minded as you. Joining a class that teaches something new. Sharing your knowledge about certain things, volunteering for an organisation. Like I said, use your imagination. Explore the world around you. You'll be surprised how much is out there when you take that first step."
The suggestions he made were lifestyle choices that Miho had to go on her own. It meant getting her out of her comfort zone and explore things she has never considered before. It was scary…but she was intent on doing it to get back on the team.
"These things you're suggesting. Will they work?"
Rirko shrugged. "Well, we don't know unless we try, right?"
"And can I still see you? In the mornings?" He nodded.
"You have support. You'll get there." She was uncertain of this path but was sure she would be able to pull it off. She was confident that it would work.
"Then…what about Sensha-do? If I do these things? Will I be able to get back?"
"You never left the team, Miho. You're taking on another, less active role. You need a break, time to recover. Figure out things, the reasoning behind these attacks. Take time in getting that answer. You're still the Sensha-do commander for the team, right? That it'll still be there."
Just because she wasn't taking an active role, it didn't mean she was kicked off the team. But Miho liked riding in tanks. That was her passion. Although Rirko's answer was not the one she was looking for, she was enthusiastic about the possibility of things getting back to normal.
"I'll try Mr. Nagasawa. I'll try my best."
"That's all I ask. If you want it, you'll get there. You got to believe in that." She stood up and bowed, with a small smile.
"Excuse me? Are you Oarai's student counsellor?"
Miho's skin turned pale as if she saw a ghost. Inquisitively, Rirko closed his eyes and addressed the visitors. "Who wants to know?"
Notojima – Town Center – Morning
Ami looked at her watch. "9:25." In dress uniform, she sat on a nearby bench near the fountain. Oddly enough, it was the same fountain she and Rirko sat on a few days ago.
Twiddling her thumbs, repositioning herself slightly and sighing, her meetings would be just like any meeting. But she felt something different about it. Uneasy.
Suddenly, a figure approached her, and she stood up. Walking towards her, she was ready. She bowed.
"Sensei."
Shiho, sporting grey coat and skirt with black shoes, folded her arms. "I almost didn't see you, Ami. Why did you choose a place like this?"
"Sensei, you said inconspicuous."
Shiho did say that to her. 'I didn't mean out of view from everyone, just not in plain sight.' "Don't act smart, Ami. It's not polite."
Both Ami and Shiho sat down on the bench. For a moment, they watched as the people walked about their business. The Pravda/ Oarai students leaving the centre to got back to the respective school.
"When I got your text, I was concerned. You don't usually text me unless it's critical."
Shiho nodded. "I feel that the situation in Oarai has gotten out of hand."
"You mean with Miho?"
"Hmm…" Wow, you figured it out Ami, I think I got a gold star somewhere. "I want to know exactly what happened and more specifically… Rirko Nagasawa."
Ami was speechless. Her conversations were with confidence. He trusted her to keep the things he said a secret and now her teacher wants to share said information with her?
"You know I can't tell you much. It was said in confidence."
"So, you do know something."
"I do. But I gave my word that I wouldn't speak to anyone about it."
Shiho chuckled slightly. "You never change, Ami. You're always so reliable. Perhaps to a fault." She stared at the fountain. "You are one of my joys in my entire career; you know that? With your skill, you were able to get far."
"I have you to thank, Sensei." The feeling was mutual. The relationship between teacher and student was strong. It transcended time and grows. Sometimes it becomes something more and other times, and they drift apart because of differences. "But I didn't know that. I just thought of myself of 'one of Shiho Nishizumi's students.'"
"But you were a student with a strong will," Shiho explained. "When people hear the name 'Nishizumi' they usually tremble with respect. And rightfully so. But when we first met, you were fearless. You didn't care who taught you, so long as you were able to learn."
"I was brash and foolish back then. I think I'm still am." Shiho could help but laugh softly at that admission. Then, she turned serious.
"Things are changing in the world of Sensha-do. I recognize that. Myself, Chiyo, we're all part of a dying breed. Trying to keep the old ways going but it's only a matter of time."
"What are you saying, sensei?" Ami was wondering where she was going with this. "You sound as if you're dying."
Shiho looked up at the sky. "I have a couple of years left, Ami. But I speak about the world of Sensha-do. I had hope my daughters, and you would be the ones to carry on the Nishizumi legacy and with it the old ways. I'm teaching Maho everything she needs to know, while she can still learn. As for Miho…"
She trailed off. As she spoke, she spoke in a sad voice. "She's so much like her father. Compassionate, idealistic, faithful. But she has diverged from me, going her way and forsaking generations of Nishizumi heritage. What she is trying to accomplish, I do not know. However, what I do know is that she is hurting now, and I don't know why."
Shiho was open with Ami about how she felt about her daughters and her responsibility as head of the family. It was a tough job; in which to keep the past alive. Ami listened. What she did, she did rarely but only for a few people that had earned her respect: she confided in her.
"Sensei…"
"Ami." The guise of a confident and intimidating woman, hidden in a stoic mask, was gone. This was the face of a mother's anguish. Of course, she could not show this to anyone, not even her daughters. It would be seen by all as a sign of weakness. "I need your help. Please tell me what is happening to Miho."
Ami sighed. Her loyalty to her teacher and her right to know as a mother won the day. She would tell as much as she needed to know.
But the question was: would Rirko understand?
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Lobby – Morning
Darjeeling, Orange Pekoe, Kay, Anchovy, Katyusha and Nonna were standing there waiting for Rirko. Awe-struck, Miho sat down once again.
He recognized some faces. 'Oh, tea girl. Another tea girl. Fun sized and fun size's assistant.'
"Miho, dear!" Everyone, at once, rushed in. "How are you doing?"
"I-I'm fine, Darjeeling. Thank you for your conc-"
"Geez lady, you are nuts! What made you think of doing something so reckless!" Kay rushed in and gave her a huge hug. Miho felt the air leave her body.
"Don't ever do that again! I was so worried about you!"
"Kay, I'm sorry! C-Can you let go? Your hurting…"
"Oh," Kay released her, and Miho took deep breaths. "Sorry, I got carried away."
"I am glad you are well, Miho." Nonna walked towards her. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm alright. Thank you for your concern." Katyusha hung back, not moving an inch and looked at Miho. Nonna, concerned about her captain's behaviour, decided not to press her to say anything.
Anchovy sighed. "We tried to see you as soon as we could. But we weren't able to because of those stupid-"
"What Anchovy is trying to say," Darjeeling interjected, "was that we wanted to see you on the field yesterday but got held up. Protocols and such."
"Makes sense…" Miho smiled and nodded while the captains were talking. At one point, Rirko and Miho's eyes locked with each other. It looked like she wanted 'out'. Her eyes looked as if she was pleading him to help her.
Rirko cleared his throat a couple of times. "Miho."
"Y-Yes, Mr. Nagasawa?"
"I believe that you're due to a debrief in Yukari's room. Talking to the other tank commanders about strengths and opportunities, yes? Or have you forgotten?" He tapped on his watch a couple of times. Initially confused, she smartened up.
"That's right! I-I must go. Yukari and the others are waiting for me!"
"Alright, Miho. Please keep in touch." Darjeeling and the others were still worried about her friend but were glad they were able to see her. As Miho bowed and said her goodbyes, he past Rirko and whispered to him.
"Thank you."
As she left, all attention laid upon Rirko. 'Oh crap. What do these girls want with me?'
"Please forgive us. We haven't introduced ourselves, have we? I am Darjeeling. Glorianna's Sensha-do captain. This is Orange Pekoe." The Glorianna girls bowed.
"Hiya! I'm Kay! Saunders' Sensha-do captain."
"Duce Anchovy of Anzio High!" She gave a solemn bow. "Captain of Anzio's Sensha-do Team. A pleasure."
"I don't think we need any introductions, do we?" Nonna smiled, and Katyusha nodded.
"There are more of us, however, due to other obligations at their school they are unable to meet you here today," Darjeeling explained to Rirko. He stared at them.
'Prissy rich girl much?' "So, now that we are properly introduced…what brings you here?"
"Oh, you're a smart guy, you figured it out!" Katyusha butted in. She was trying to act like herself in front of the others. Of course, this irked Rirko somewhat.
"Katyusha, be nice." Nonna sternly warned her. Not wanting an angry Nonna on her, she apologised quickly.
"I'm sure that you're not here for a social visit." He knew the reason why they were there. They all sat down around him.
"Concerned about Miho, are you?" The murmurs confirmed it.
"We are all here to see if we can help."
"It's nice to see you girls care." Rirko glossed over the girls. They were all worried and truly wanted to make Miho better. "I won't go into specifics, but if yesterday's match was any indication, she's dealing with issues. Lots and lots of issues."
"What caused that?" Kay asked, leaning forward a little. "I mean, Miho's been in danger before, and she never had that problem."
"Maybe she was hiding it," Anchovy suggested. She crossed her arms in thought. "Miho always has a smile and thinking about others. She didn't want to make us worry, maybe?"
"What make you come to that conclusion?" asked Rirko. She was right, of course, but how she arrived at that deduction was the question.
"When I faced her last. We had our post celebration. She was all smiles, with the rest of the team. Laughing, giggling, having a good time. But, I felt, something."
"Something?" Interesting. "What did you feel?"
"I felt...I felt she was not genuine. That smile and laughter that I saw. She was forcing it. She was, acting as if she was happy. I mean, I don't know. It's just a feeling, that's all. It made me uneasy."
Darjeeling understood how she was able to deduce that logic. "You're close to your teammates. You would have an affinity to sense how people are feeling, just by being next to them." Anzio was all about friendship and comradery.
"Can that happen?"
"Well, it's not out of the realm of possibility," Rirko explained. "Sensing energy: it's a skill that everyone has. Yours is more developed is all. If you spend a lot of time with people, your tank mates, you can develop a 'sixth sense' to feel the energies of others. Good observation, Duce."
Anchovy blushed and nodded.
"Anything else?"
"The way she treats her teammates. She truly does care about them and makes their problems her problems. Maybe too much." Kay had time to think about Miho and concluded that her relationship with her team was like a mother hen and her chicks. She took care of her own.
'Making other problems, your problems. That's just asking to be a doormat.'
"She's too soft!" Everyone turned to Katyusha, who had a serious look. "Mihosha cares too much!"
"Oh?"
"What do you mean 'oh'? We all saw! She was willing to risk herself for others! Never had I heard her yell or scream at someone! I'm guessing she just caters to different situations, not addressing the issue."
"Guess?" Nonna asked.
"Nonna...shh." Nodding, Nonna let Katyusha explain further. "We have our styles of leadership, but sometimes a firm voice shows others who's boss. Her style makes her equal to everyone else. If there's a problem, it's always mediation and never directive."
'Too soft? Now that she mentioned it, she only yelled when breaking up that one fight. Other than that, she's always mediating conflicts and never demanding her team of anything.' Rirko was getting a good idea of what Miho was like to her rivals. It was beneficial information.
"You all identified problems with Miho, as well as validated her strengths. Going back to the original question: what can you do to help?" The girls leaned forward, awaiting the answers.
"Sometimes, a person wants to talk about something, but either can't find the proper words or too scared about the 'what ifs.'"
"What ifs?" Orange Pekoe asked.
"What if they hate me? What if they laugh at me? What if they won't be my friend anymore. Worst case scenario. Establish yourself as a friend who will be by her side. If you know, something is wrong, or feel it, address the situation. But don't push it too far. Some scenarios include constantly calling, pushing for more information, accusations. These things don't help. Rather they harm. I'm pretty sure you don't want to be hurting her, right?"
All shook their heads.
"Don't beat around the bush. If you have something to say, say it then. Most likely she'll know that you know something is troubling her. Above all else, be patient. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about that day, or she's not willing to share everything on her mind. That's okay. If you truly care for her, then let her come to you. Be patient. Wait and see."
Like Anglerfish, the captains were new when supporting a person with emotional issues.
"Take care of yourselves foremost. That's important. Caring for a person like this may be too much sometimes. I told Anglerfish the same thing. Take a break when you need too. You girls are doing this out of the goodness of your own heart. She's lucky! Not many people dealing with this problem have that support."
"I think I can say for all of us here. We've been touched by Miho's heart one way or another. She has always supported us in our endeavours. We shall support her in her time of need."
"Glad to hear it. It would break my heart if she lost all of you at this stage."
"What, you think we abandon her?" Apparently, Kay took offence to this. "I don't quite know what's going on, but you'll be sure as hell that I'll help her out!"
"Same goes for me. Anzio's way of life has always been to support one another. Miho may not be from Anzio, but she's a fellow practitioner of Sensha-do. Plus, I like her."
"We all do. And we'll do whatever it takes to help her on her feet."
Katyusha was quiet, folding her arms and waiting anxiously. "What's wrong, Katyusha? Do you want to go somewhere?"
"No! I mean, yes! W-Where's the girl from the other night?"
Rirko pointed them in the right direction. "You mean, Yukari? I believe that she's in her hotel room. It's on this floor, ask the front desk." Katyusha got up and headed towards the front desk. Nonna, bowing, made her way as well.
"I wonder why she wants to talk to Yukari suddenly?" Anchovy asked. "She's been acting weird as of late."
"Yeah, she's less of a prick." Kay was certainly blunt. Rirko rolled his eyes. 'There's such a thing called tact, Kay.'
"Well, me and Anchovy are gonna look around. There are some souvenirs we want to get the girls!" Kay, excitedly, headed towards the door, her head up high and skipping a little.
Anchovy sighed. "It's window shopping for me…I'm broke."
Rirko looked at her. "Broke? Then how the heck did you get here?"
"I was only able to come here because we restricted snacks from two to one. I didn't ask for it, but the girls wanted me and the others to come here. 'You three work hard, Duce', 'Have a great time, Duce, don't worry about us!' It was…ah…" She shook her head mournfully. Anchovy wasn't the type to look for handouts. Anzio had their pride, after all. She was just guilty that she wouldn't get souvenirs for her friends.
Darjeeling and Orange Pekoe looked with pity. "Anzio's still in cash restraints, huh?" She nodded.
Rirko watched the entire affair. "Ah! Damnit!" He quickly took out his wallet, grabbed the last 5000 yen and handed it over to Anchovy. The three looked on with surprise. Anchovy stood there with shock.
"I-I-I can't accept it. It's not…"
Rirko pointed his finger at her. "Not another word. Take it gracefully, don't mention it to anyone and buy dollar gifts for your girls to make it last longer. Now, get out of here."
Her eyes filled up with tears, and she stood there before bowing repentantly and headed towards Kay.
"Probably faking," Rirko said, sorrowfully. "Gonna be spending that cash on something for herself."
Darjeeling shook her head. "Not at all. Duce Anchovy is a girl with integrity. There's no way she would spend anything on herself. And it is true that Anzio is in dire cash restraints right now. It's a miracle that they were able to send her using a helicopter."
'So, I didn't get cheated, that's good.' It was a spur of a moment for Rirko. He didn't know if Anchovy would be taking advantage of his generosity, but a recommendation from Darjeeling made him feel better. It was improper for a stranger to give money to another stranger, but seeing Anchovy mournfully talk about not being able to bring something back for her team made him sad. Darjeeling was about to head out with Orange Pekoe.
"Your insight is invaluable, Mr. Nagasawa. Thank you so much."
"Your welcome, Miss Darjeeling."
"There's just one thing."
"Yes?" He didn't like her tone. She sounded concerned.
"I heard that a counselor's job is taxing at times and there are instances where a person takes said counsellor to their limits. Have you ever experienced this before?"
Now that she mentioned it, Rirko was getting snippy, and there were times where his patience ran thin.
"Have you ever heard of this saying? 'He who makes a beast of himself removes himself from the pain of being human.'"
"Dr. Samuel Johnson, right?"
"Yes. Sometimes, a beast is necessary to break down the walls of insecurities, deprivation and despair. But sometimes beasts can scare off the one thing they wish to protect."
Why did Darjeeling sound like a philosopher? "What are you trying to say, Miss Darjeeling?"
She sighed. "Miho is one of my dear friends. She has gained my respect long ago. But I also know that she can be bull-headed sometimes and wishes to handle these situations...personally. That is a recipe for disaster. Confrontation is necessary sometimes to get the intended result. Don't you agree?"
Rirko recalled what happened between him and Maho. He had to be direct with her to open her up. He faced that same problem with Miho a couple of times. Darjeeling was making a point. Being direct sometimes works. But it was a 50/50 chance.
"Thank you, Miss Darjeeling; I will take it under advisement."
Nodding slightly, she and Orange Pekoe left. Rirko was by himself again. It was thirty past ten. Reflecting on his talks, he thought to himself:
'Miho has friends left and right. It would have been problematic if I told them that she was suspended as a captain. Everyone wants to help, and that's nice and all. But that's just handling the symptoms. To get to the bottom of this, I need to know 'why' this is happening. So, that means cleaning out the closet. Fun times.'
Notojima – Town Center – Morning
When Shiho asked Ami about Miho, she was rightfully surprised. Since that match, Miho didn't even have one proper conversation with her. Forget Christmas, New Years or also well wishes. She conveyed all messages to Maho, and they were strictly about Sensha-do. Her wanting to find out about Miho's well-being was a surprise to be sure.
Even though Ami spoke to Rirko in confidence, Ami felt that as Miho's mother, she should at least be privy to what is going on in Oarai. She mentioned to her about Miho's stress and anxiety, her recent spell of panic attacks that affected her physically and emotionally. There was also how she was getting support from her friends and school.
She spoke, at length, about Miho's struggle with emotional distress and how to deal with it. The attacks have affected her to the point where her performance on the battlefield was changed as well.
Then, the topic about Rirko came up. It was a subject that Ami wasn't looking forward too. For the most part, Shiho had been understanding and patient. But when she mentioned Rirko's name, she turned hostile.
"He's a menace," Shiho said, matter-of-factly. "He's prying into private matters that don't concern him."
Ami shook her head. "So long as Miho is a student of Oarai, he has every right to be concerned about her well-being."
"He can't begin to imagine the life of a Nishizumi. A man like him…a foreigner like him has no place in our affairs."
"But he knows how to talk to Miho. The Nishizumi are strong-willed individuals, and that extends to both you and your daughters. But I've seen him break down mental resistances of some stubborn girls. He changes them in a way that benefits them. That especially goes for Miho."
"What ridiculousness is this, Ami?" Shiho had trouble believing that a man like Rirko could ever connect with a Nishizumi. Granted, Miho was a black sheep, but she was taught to keep her guard up always. The enemy could be lurking anywhere.
"Call it what you want Sensei. But thanks to him, she's been getting a better handle on what to do about how she feels. And, more importantly, be a supportive figure when things get tough."
"Explain."
Sighing, Ami had to make Shiho realize the gravity of the situation. Like the majority of Japan, she didn't think that mental health was that much of a problem because no one sees it.
"The first time Miho suffered a panic attack. She went to the counselor's office and…"
Ami went silent. Talking about an issue that sensitive required the right words. But Shiho was impatient.
"What happened Ami? Tell me. Now."
Ami stared at her. "She broke down. Completely. She was a total mess. Miho spent half a day in the infirmary."
Shiho may have looked stoic, but inside she was horrified. Total mess? Infirmary? Just what was happening with her daughter? 'Why is this happening to you Miho? What is going on in that head of yours?' She took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a minute and re-established her bearing.
"So, now you know."
"And is that everything, Ami?"
She sighed. "No, that is not everything. But it's all you're going to get right now until he says otherwise."
"Then I need to speak with Mr. Nagasawa then."
"Yes."
Regardless of the service, he rendered to Miho, Shiho couldn't trust him. His ways, his methods, his style. "The west and the east have always had a difference of opinion. Where he may see my methods in raising children harshly, it is perfectly normal here."
"That may be true. But he is a man of honour. He cares for the people around him. Connects with them."
"Emotions are nothing more than a hindrance on the battlefield, especially in Sensha-do. To have such emotions is to invite weakness. A weakness that your enemies will exploit." The Nishizumi had always strived for excellence. One of the ways they tried to obtain that was to show as less emotion as possible. That way, their opponents have no idea what they are thinking.
"One final question: what does he think about me?"
Ami knew that this was coming. "He fears you. He doesn't want anything to do with you."
Shiho rolled her eyes. "The feeling is mutual. Ami, tell him this message the next time you see him."
"Sensei?"
"Tell him. If he meddles in our affairs again. Then, there will be hell to pay. And you know how serious I can be."
With this threat, the meeting was over. Shiho left without saying another word. Ami felt guilty about giving her information when Rirko trusted her with its secrecy.
"What am I going to do? How should I explain it to him?"
Notojima – Hotel – Hotel Lobby – Afternoon
When Ami arrived back at the lobby, Rirko was in the seating area. Most of the students waved and greeted her, but she walked right past them. They had concerned looks, as to wonder what happened to her. Rirko saw her and noted she was different. He went up to her.
"What happened?"
Ami was surprised. She couldn't say a thing to him when he was so direct. "I…uh…"
"Come on." He motioned her to a secluded area in the lobby. There, she sat with him. They looked at each other.
"I guess your meeting didn't go well."
"How…how the hell do you know?"
"You're quiet. You're not usually quiet. You're usually chatting it up with the girls and waving. But this time, you moved right passed them. What's up?"
Ami swollen hard. Her heart was racing. "You know that Federation rep I met?"
"Yeah?"
"It was Shiho."
Rirko looked at her blankly. She turned away from him. "Jesus f***ing Christ."
"Yeah. Tell me about it."
"Yeah. Tell me about it."
"So, I suppose she knows everything now, right?"
Once again, Ami was in shock. "You…how?"
"Hey, if I was her, I want to know what the hell is going on."
She sighed. "I tried. I held as much information as I could. And I did. But she knows some of our conversations. I'm sorry. I am."
Ami looked guilty. She failed to keep her promise. Rirko was silent. For a few moments, they just sat there.
"Rirko, stop with the silent treatment, okay! I made a mistake, but she cornered me! Understand where I'm coming from! I respect her! She was my teacher! Just yell, scream, how much of a traitor I am, just say something!"
Rirko smirked and took Ami's hand. He gave her wrist a light tap.
"There. Now we're even."
Amazed about what happened, she had to think about what he did. "A slap…on the wrist? Are you screwing with me?!"
"Shiho was going to find out eventually. Sooner rather than later. But I admit if Shiho starts asking questions, and Miho catches wind, and she freaks out…I'm throwing you under the bus, okay?"
She understood. He would say that Ami was the one to tell her all about the goings-on in Oarai.
"I'm really sorry, Rirko. I really, really am sorry."
"It's done. I could freak out on you, call you all those things. But, will they change the situation?"
"No. It won't."
"Anything else she said?"
"Yeah…There was this one thing." It was going to be interesting. What did Shiho say?
"It was a message: meddle in our affairs again and there will be hell to pay." Rirko squinted one eye for a minute, before smirking. He got up and rejoined the girls.
'That went…better than I hoped.' Ami felt that she would have to make it up to him.
'At least Ami was truthful. But now, Shiho know some things about Miho and her condition. I'll have to be more careful about what I say to Ami from now on. Even though she's a confidant, her connection with Shiho is a problem. But then again…I could use that.'
He had choice words about Shiho's message. But decided to be the better man and let her have that small victory.
The bus came. Some team members were carrying bags. As the driver started to load their luggage, Anglerfish arrived. At once, some members went to talk with them. Words of encouragement and love. Miho nodded and smiled a little. When it was all said and done, the bus left Notojima and back to Oarai.
The mood on the bus was sombre, mainly due to the match. Once again, the girls little talk much. Only some idle chatter and some chuckles were heard.
Even Ami and Rirko were quiet. While Rirko forgave Ami for giving up information, he was disappointed that after her assurances of confidentiality, she told anyway. But, he should have seen it coming. Shiho was Ami's teacher. A relationship between teacher and student can exist long after the student left the school. Ami knew he was not happy with the turn of events and resolved to make things right.
Anglerfish slept on the way back to Oarai, except for Miho. As the bright lights and sounds transitioned to the calming sea, she only thought about what she could do to get back in her tank and lead the team. The gears in her head were undoubtedly turning.
'Talk more. More friends. Join people. I've never done any of that stuff before. He says explore? How do I do that? How do I get myself out there?'
Rubbing her temples, the anxiety of meeting new people and talking about things not related to tanks. Other than tanks and Boko, there wasn't much else. What could she do?
'Mr. Nagasawa suggested these ideas. I can ask him later.'
They were nearing the ship, their home. Soon, they would all rest and begin a brand-new day.
A/N: Sorry for the ending. Don't know why but it's weird to me. Perhaps it could have ended better, I don't know. Anyways, with the match over and done with you'd think things would calm down but nope. There's a few more chapters with some heavy stuff. Just a fair warning. Thank you all for your support on this.