This is my first quest, ever.
Yes, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I hate waking up.
God, do...
Yes, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I hate waking up.
God, do...
Fate/Salt Order (Nasuverse/SI/Salt... Quest)
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OP: I wish the tutorial roll is this generous
zero_breaker
Anti-Anti-Procrastination Decisive Weapon
- Location
- Buried in work
This is my first quest, ever.
Yes, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I hate waking up.
God, do I hate waking up.
Every single one of my bones and joints creak - just a normal day, then - as I struggle to push myself off the hard surface I'm lying on-
Okay, that's definitely not normal.
Gray floor, check.
Gray walls, check.
...Gray ceilings, check.
Large windows showing the relentless blizzard upon the summit outside…
"Fou!"
...check.
Welcome to Chaldea, Zero.
Turning towards the sound of footsteps, I wave groggily to the approaching lilac-haired girl. Oh right, still need to check - Yep, clothes swapped into the white-and-black Chaldea uniform.
"...Was it comfortable to sleep on the floor here?" Mashu prompts, with a slight bit of timidity.
"I wouldn't know." I muse, trying as hard as I can to hold back a yawn. It's not working very well. "Spent most of the experience - Yaaaawn - sleeping." A wince. "Definitely not good for the neck, though."
"I, I see." We fall into an awkward silence as I try to massage my own neck, and Mashu picking up Fou. "In any case, I was told to fetch the recruited Masters around the place…"
"Guess you got one right here." I give her a thumbs up. "Mind me tagging along? Not too familiar with this place."
"That would be fine, senpai." Mashu nods, giving me a small but blindingly radiant smile.
Truly the best girl.
"What do you mean, all of our other Masters are GONE!?"
Indoor voice, Miss Animusphere, indoor voice.
Olga Marie paces around the control room, fuming so hard it's a wonder steam isn't coming out of her ears. "That's 47 candidates that have just gone and disappeared into god knows where! Hurry up and find them all, Romani! You too, Lev-"
In a single moment, the overbearing atmosphere disappeared. "...Where's Lev?"
"S-sorry, but none of us have any idea." Romani hesitantly shakes his head. "Granted, it's just like him to walk away and come back unannounced, but doing that right as we're doing the briefing…"
"...Ghhhhhhh…"
I and Mashu glance at each other, and start discreetly moving out of the Director's sight-
"You there!" Shit. "Yes, you! If no one else's here, I may as well take my time to drill everything about this into your idiot-looking skull!"
Here's the thing.
Years of being stuck under the sun listening to teachers giving painfully long speeches have made me instinctively averse to such situations.
...In short, I just really don't like lectures.
Not even a split second, and I have already decided upon what to do. "Mashu!" I grab her by the arm, to which she replies with a startled "S-senpai?"
Again, best girl.
I give her the most assertive nod I can muster. "Time to bail."
And by that I mean promptly tripping over myself and falling onto her.
Nice going, me.
"Oh, uh, sorry for knocking off your glasses-waitaminute."
That's the Shielder suit Mashu's wearing right now, complete with the humongous shield-
-Which my hand is on right now.
Distantly, I remember how the shield - which is the Round Table if I have my lore right - plays a major role for the summoning ritual, and with that in mind I get up and idly help Mashu up as well, as a sinking feeling of dread besets me.
I'm going to have to jump into increasingly dangerous Singularities, somehow surviving the overpowered festival that is the Nasuverse, and restore human history all the while.
That's a tall task you're handing to me, R.O.B.
The light spiralling throughout the control room finally began to slow down, and fades into…
…
"I didn't remember the tutorial roll handing out twenty Servants."
So, uh, welcome to this Salt Quest and all that jazz.
For those who don't know what a Salt Quest is and just stumbled your way into here, it's a kind of quest where instead of controlling a single player character, the players get to roll for a random character to do anything they want, using a d20 to determine who does the action and a d100 for how well (or the other way) the action goes. Different action have different success thresholds, with crossovers having the highest onesbecause chances are I have never heard of the series you're talking about. If two or more players roll the same character, the one with the highest action roll (d100) takes precedence.
That's about it.
I think.
For those who know what a Salt Quest is...
Please have mercy on me.
Either way, instead of the regular setting vote, you get to vote for Servants who're going to annoy the living hell out of me!
And just like thesalt shaker gacha, there's rolling involved!
Each voter can vote for 5 Servants, with five corresponding d100 rolls. The 20 Servants with the highest rolls gets in! Even Servants that aren't in FGO are fine! Edit: No fan-characters, though.
No guarantees on how well I can portray them, though.
Just format the votes like
[X] Servant #1
[X] Servant #2
etc, etc.
Kiyohime votes are but inevitable, isn't it.
Yes, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I hate waking up.
God, do I hate waking up.
Every single one of my bones and joints creak - just a normal day, then - as I struggle to push myself off the hard surface I'm lying on-
Okay, that's definitely not normal.
Gray floor, check.
Gray walls, check.
...Gray ceilings, check.
Large windows showing the relentless blizzard upon the summit outside…
"Fou!"
...check.
Welcome to Chaldea, Zero.
Turning towards the sound of footsteps, I wave groggily to the approaching lilac-haired girl. Oh right, still need to check - Yep, clothes swapped into the white-and-black Chaldea uniform.
"...Was it comfortable to sleep on the floor here?" Mashu prompts, with a slight bit of timidity.
"I wouldn't know." I muse, trying as hard as I can to hold back a yawn. It's not working very well. "Spent most of the experience - Yaaaawn - sleeping." A wince. "Definitely not good for the neck, though."
"I, I see." We fall into an awkward silence as I try to massage my own neck, and Mashu picking up Fou. "In any case, I was told to fetch the recruited Masters around the place…"
"Guess you got one right here." I give her a thumbs up. "Mind me tagging along? Not too familiar with this place."
"That would be fine, senpai." Mashu nods, giving me a small but blindingly radiant smile.
Truly the best girl.
"What do you mean, all of our other Masters are GONE!?"
Indoor voice, Miss Animusphere, indoor voice.
Olga Marie paces around the control room, fuming so hard it's a wonder steam isn't coming out of her ears. "That's 47 candidates that have just gone and disappeared into god knows where! Hurry up and find them all, Romani! You too, Lev-"
In a single moment, the overbearing atmosphere disappeared. "...Where's Lev?"
"S-sorry, but none of us have any idea." Romani hesitantly shakes his head. "Granted, it's just like him to walk away and come back unannounced, but doing that right as we're doing the briefing…"
"...Ghhhhhhh…"
I and Mashu glance at each other, and start discreetly moving out of the Director's sight-
"You there!" Shit. "Yes, you! If no one else's here, I may as well take my time to drill everything about this into your idiot-looking skull!"
Here's the thing.
Years of being stuck under the sun listening to teachers giving painfully long speeches have made me instinctively averse to such situations.
...In short, I just really don't like lectures.
Not even a split second, and I have already decided upon what to do. "Mashu!" I grab her by the arm, to which she replies with a startled "S-senpai?"
Again, best girl.
I give her the most assertive nod I can muster. "Time to bail."
And by that I mean promptly tripping over myself and falling onto her.
Nice going, me.
"Oh, uh, sorry for knocking off your glasses-waitaminute."
That's the Shielder suit Mashu's wearing right now, complete with the humongous shield-
-Which my hand is on right now.
Distantly, I remember how the shield - which is the Round Table if I have my lore right - plays a major role for the summoning ritual, and with that in mind I get up and idly help Mashu up as well, as a sinking feeling of dread besets me.
I'm going to have to jump into increasingly dangerous Singularities, somehow surviving the overpowered festival that is the Nasuverse, and restore human history all the while.
That's a tall task you're handing to me, R.O.B.
The light spiralling throughout the control room finally began to slow down, and fades into…
…
"I didn't remember the tutorial roll handing out twenty Servants."
So, uh, welcome to this Salt Quest and all that jazz.
For those who don't know what a Salt Quest is and just stumbled your way into here, it's a kind of quest where instead of controlling a single player character, the players get to roll for a random character to do anything they want, using a d20 to determine who does the action and a d100 for how well (or the other way) the action goes. Different action have different success thresholds, with crossovers having the highest ones
That's about it.
I think.
For those who know what a Salt Quest is...
Please have mercy on me.
Either way, instead of the regular setting vote, you get to vote for Servants who're going to annoy the living hell out of me!
And just like the
Each voter can vote for 5 Servants, with five corresponding d100 rolls. The 20 Servants with the highest rolls gets in! Even Servants that aren't in FGO are fine! Edit: No fan-characters, though.
No guarantees on how well I can portray them, though.
Just format the votes like
[X] Servant #1
[X] Servant #2
etc, etc.
Kiyohime votes are but inevitable, isn't it.
Last edited:
Main Information
zero_breaker
Anti-Anti-Procrastination Decisive Weapon
- Location
- Buried in work
HOW TO PLAY
- Vote for an action - any action. The more ridiculous it is, the better (read: more I get to suffer).
- Roll a d20 for determining which character will be the one to do the action. The order is scrambled every turn, so only I know which number corresponds to which character.
- Roll a d100 for determining the outcome of the action. Naturally, a high roll would mean success while a low roll will be a failure.
- If two or more voters rolled the same character, the vote with a higher outcome roll wins. And if the outcome rolls are, somehow, the same...
Expect fun things.
- Outcome rolls can be saved for later use - but you have to declare that before voting is closed.
SERVANT ROSTER
Jeanne (Alter) (Santa) (Lily)
Romulus
Angra Mainyu
Paul Bunyan
Nikola Tesla
Mysterious Heroine X
Chiron
Arcueid Brunestud
William Shakespeare
Mysterious Heroine X (Alter)
Gilles de Rais (Saber)
Atalanta
Iskandar
Enkidu
James Moriarty
EMIYA
King Hassan
M.A.S.H.U.
On Standby(?)
Solomon
Scathach
Kiara Sessyoin
SAVED ROLLS
- Vote for an action - any action. The more ridiculous it is, the better (read: more I get to suffer).
- Roll a d20 for determining which character will be the one to do the action. The order is scrambled every turn, so only I know which number corresponds to which character.
- Roll a d100 for determining the outcome of the action. Naturally, a high roll would mean success while a low roll will be a failure.
- If two or more voters rolled the same character, the vote with a higher outcome roll wins. And if the outcome rolls are, somehow, the same...
Expect fun things.
- Outcome rolls can be saved for later use - but you have to declare that before voting is closed.
SERVANT ROSTER
Jeanne (Alter) (Santa) (Lily)
Romulus
Angra Mainyu
Paul Bunyan
Nikola Tesla
Mysterious Heroine X
Chiron
Arcueid Brunestud
William Shakespeare
Mysterious Heroine X (Alter)
Gilles de Rais (Saber)
Atalanta
Iskandar
Enkidu
James Moriarty
EMIYA
King Hassan
M.A.S.H.U.
On Standby(?)
Solomon
Scathach
Kiara Sessyoin
SAVED ROLLS
Last edited:
Going by the memelist this is actually pretty good
zero_breaker
Anti-Anti-Procrastination Decisive Weapon
- Location
- Buried in work
Almost forgot to mention this:
For those who are playing in the NA version, expect spoilers.
"Dear Chaldea," The face of Lev Lainur appears on the large screen, right in the middle of the control room. "All your Master are belong to us-"
He immediately does a spit take upon seeing, amidst the many Servants that just got summoned, Solomon in all of his not-final-boss-glory.
Said King of Magic being locked in the most awkward staring contest in history with Romani.
"-I'll just be leaving now."
I'd do that if I were him, too.
Seriously, who even does the Zero Wing meme with a straight face?
"Scathach, hailing from the Land of Shadows." The Lancer in the skintight suit introduces herself. "You must be my Master… along with everyone else here."
...Said 'everyone' including Shakespeare, who's egging on Gilles - the Saber one, thankfully - with god knows what in mind, ignoring the scolding from Jeanne… Alter Santa Lily.
It's not even Christmas, girl.
There's also Heroine X and her Alter, who are getting along surprisingly well; Atalanta and Chiron bonding over both being Greek Archers...
And then there's the gigantic Paul Bunyan who barely fits in the room, even when crouching. I silently give my most sincere apologies to the maintenance crew.
"I guess so." I agreed, trying to keep my composure up. Be assertive, Zero, dammit. Don't let the shock get to you in front of all the Servants. "I didn't expect to summon so many at once."
"You must thank Roma for this!" Indoor voice, Romulus - you know what this is probably a foregone conclusion at this point.
"In your eyes, perhaps so - But know that the real cause behind this achievement is Alternating Current!" Not you too, Tesla. "Alternating Current!" Does Chaldea even use alternating current?
Eh, probably nothing important.
"Hey hey, must be some real shitty achievement now that I'm here." The weakest Servant, Angra Mainyu quips, and my hand instantly meet my face.
There he is, the rarest Servant in the entire game. Thanks, gacha-
I-is that Arcueid.
And Kiara.
Trying to strangle each other!?
A hand slaps my stiff shoulder. "Ahahaha! You were wondering how to get out of this mess, isn't it, Master?"
Slowly, I turn my eyes from the, uh, sight, and look up at Moriarty with pleading eyes.
"A-ah, well, if you want I can always arrange a tutorial on how to manage your subordinates, two lessons every week, free of charge-"
Alright, that's it, I'm going for a drink. "Let's just get out of here and never look back, Mashu."
And I don't even drink most of the time.
"...Say, senpai, are you sure it's fine to leave the Director back there?"
"Shit."
[] Surely things can't get any worse, right?
Back to the regular Salt Quest voting it is.
For those who are playing in the NA version, expect spoilers.
"Dear Chaldea," The face of Lev Lainur appears on the large screen, right in the middle of the control room. "All your Master are belong to us-"
He immediately does a spit take upon seeing, amidst the many Servants that just got summoned, Solomon in all of his not-final-boss-glory.
Said King of Magic being locked in the most awkward staring contest in history with Romani.
"-I'll just be leaving now."
I'd do that if I were him, too.
Seriously, who even does the Zero Wing meme with a straight face?
"Scathach, hailing from the Land of Shadows." The Lancer in the skintight suit introduces herself. "You must be my Master… along with everyone else here."
...Said 'everyone' including Shakespeare, who's egging on Gilles - the Saber one, thankfully - with god knows what in mind, ignoring the scolding from Jeanne… Alter Santa Lily.
It's not even Christmas, girl.
There's also Heroine X and her Alter, who are getting along surprisingly well; Atalanta and Chiron bonding over both being Greek Archers...
And then there's the gigantic Paul Bunyan who barely fits in the room, even when crouching. I silently give my most sincere apologies to the maintenance crew.
"I guess so." I agreed, trying to keep my composure up. Be assertive, Zero, dammit. Don't let the shock get to you in front of all the Servants. "I didn't expect to summon so many at once."
"You must thank Roma for this!" Indoor voice, Romulus - you know what this is probably a foregone conclusion at this point.
"In your eyes, perhaps so - But know that the real cause behind this achievement is Alternating Current!" Not you too, Tesla. "Alternating Current!" Does Chaldea even use alternating current?
Eh, probably nothing important.
"Hey hey, must be some real shitty achievement now that I'm here." The weakest Servant, Angra Mainyu quips, and my hand instantly meet my face.
There he is, the rarest Servant in the entire game. Thanks, gacha-
I-is that Arcueid.
And Kiara.
Trying to strangle each other!?
A hand slaps my stiff shoulder. "Ahahaha! You were wondering how to get out of this mess, isn't it, Master?"
Slowly, I turn my eyes from the, uh, sight, and look up at Moriarty with pleading eyes.
"A-ah, well, if you want I can always arrange a tutorial on how to manage your subordinates, two lessons every week, free of charge-"
Alright, that's it, I'm going for a drink. "Let's just get out of here and never look back, Mashu."
And I don't even drink most of the time.
"...Say, senpai, are you sure it's fine to leave the Director back there?"
"Shit."
[] Surely things can't get any worse, right?
Back to the regular Salt Quest voting it is.
Chaldea Servant Daycare Centre
zero_breaker
Anti-Anti-Procrastination Decisive Weapon
- Location
- Buried in work
Rule 6: Inappropriate content.
The first thing to meet me as I open my eyes is… a mind-numbing headache, with bonus nausea too.
So this is what hangover feels like.
I'm never drinking again.
"So, uh, you happen to know what in the world happened the past few hours-" Surveying the trashed room, I prod Mashu.
Who's lying on the floor, totally plastered.
"-So much for that."
Alright, Zero, focus. Try to remember what happened.
There's me getting tipsy just from a single cup of wine, the door barging open, Fou being flung right out of the room by a nun--
Who's sitting right next to me, very much conscious, and still sipping another glass.
"Ufufufu, it seems like you're finally awake." Kiara Sessyoin, the Servant who I'd gladly brand as the number one dangerous (in more ways than one) Servant in this place, meets my eyes with a mirthful- no, that's a predatory gaze, that's definitely a predatory gaze!
"I'm just," I slowly retreat from the bed.
"Going to, you know," And reach for the door.
"Begoingnowthankyouverymuch-"
Run like you've never ran before, Master of Chaldea.
...I'm pretty sure someone screwed with the doors.
No reason in particular, except that this has to be at least the fifth time I'm walking into the kitchen.
"Hoh? Still looking for directions, Master?" Iskandar waves at me. Again. I have no idea how or why he recruited a swarm of Neko-Arcs into his quest for cakes, but there's this gut feeling I have that something is better off left unknown, just like the mysterious ROMA cry in the distance. "Not the most practical design, but isn't variety the spice of life? I approve of this!"
"I'm pretty sure randomized door exits isn't an intended feature. Well, here goes nothing." With a sigh, I open the door to outside, and is met with a somewhat busted up Control Room.
Huh, did Lev went and set off the bomb anyways? Wait, no, not nearly enough fire and rubble for that.
"Finally! I've been looking looking for you all over the place!" A disheveled Olga Marie stomps towards me, a… certain Avenger in tow. "I need - Stop pulling my hair, Avenger! - Answers!"
"Uh, you're getting really close, Director-"
"What. Did. You. Do. To. Summon. All these Servants!?"
With each word, the infuriated magus jabs me in the chest with her index finger.
You know, I don't even know how to respond to that. "That's a good question, because I was kind of hoping you'd have an answer to-"
"Are you telling me you seriously have no idea of the situation? No, don't answer me, I can see it from your face." Closing her eyes in exasperation, Olga Marie sighs and starts walking away. "There's no time to waste. Follow me…"
"Zero."
"...Whatever, we need to get started on fixing this place. One Archer went AWOL after nearly destroying the facilities-"
"If the whole human history goes away my past self won't be able to become a Counter Guardian! This is a foolproof plan!"
"Monologuing your secret plans isn't the best thing to be doing, Archer."
"-One Caster and Berserker went off to god knows where-"
"Say, Mr. Solomon, can you really fish with these shiny rocks?"
"Of course. Most of the time you'd be reeling in Black Keys, but if you're lucky they can net you some super rare catches."
"Mhm, I see! Then, let's start digging!"
"...Rocks really are a lot harder to chop than trees."
"-And I'm not even sure what the Lancer in the skintight suit is thinking, jumping out from a window the moment she saw me."
Huh.
That doesn't sound like something Scathach would do.
"In any case, as their Master, it's your duty to rein them in and make sure we have a fighting force against whoever it is that's threatening to destroy Human Order!" Olga Marie huffs, shooting a black projectile - probably a gandr - at the Avenger behind her, trying and failing to sneakily pull down the Director's skirt. "Call this Servant off, for one!"
"Not when you're so fun to tease, o' Director." Angra Mainyu cackles, and then went and pulled her skirt down anyways.
"YOOOUUU-"
The door behind us barges open, and from it comes Mysterious Heroine X.
"Olga Marie Animusphere." Adjusting her scarf slightly, the Assassin's eyes shot straight towards the Director. "The BBA Lancer was a coward who couldn't bring herself to tell you her feelings, but I am different! Servant Assassin, Anti-Saber Decisive Weapon, Mysterious Heroine X! Please accept my invitation-"
"The letter D is FORBIDDEN IN ROMA-"
Romulus crashes headfirst into the floor.
"...One more escapes the wrath of ROMA."
Maybe I should've taken up Kiara's offer.
[] the ride never ends
Was going to say this isn't up to my usual quality, but then I remembered I don't have a usual quality to begin with.
So this is what hangover feels like.
I'm never drinking again.
"So, uh, you happen to know what in the world happened the past few hours-" Surveying the trashed room, I prod Mashu.
Who's lying on the floor, totally plastered.
"-So much for that."
Alright, Zero, focus. Try to remember what happened.
There's me getting tipsy just from a single cup of wine, the door barging open, Fou being flung right out of the room by a nun--
Who's sitting right next to me, very much conscious, and still sipping another glass.
"Ufufufu, it seems like you're finally awake." Kiara Sessyoin, the Servant who I'd gladly brand as the number one dangerous (in more ways than one) Servant in this place, meets my eyes with a mirthful- no, that's a predatory gaze, that's definitely a predatory gaze!
"I'm just," I slowly retreat from the bed.
"Going to, you know," And reach for the door.
"Begoingnowthankyouverymuch-"
Run like you've never ran before, Master of Chaldea.
...I'm pretty sure someone screwed with the doors.
No reason in particular, except that this has to be at least the fifth time I'm walking into the kitchen.
"Hoh? Still looking for directions, Master?" Iskandar waves at me. Again. I have no idea how or why he recruited a swarm of Neko-Arcs into his quest for cakes, but there's this gut feeling I have that something is better off left unknown, just like the mysterious ROMA cry in the distance. "Not the most practical design, but isn't variety the spice of life? I approve of this!"
"I'm pretty sure randomized door exits isn't an intended feature. Well, here goes nothing." With a sigh, I open the door to outside, and is met with a somewhat busted up Control Room.
Huh, did Lev went and set off the bomb anyways? Wait, no, not nearly enough fire and rubble for that.
"Finally! I've been looking looking for you all over the place!" A disheveled Olga Marie stomps towards me, a… certain Avenger in tow. "I need - Stop pulling my hair, Avenger! - Answers!"
"Uh, you're getting really close, Director-"
"What. Did. You. Do. To. Summon. All these Servants!?"
With each word, the infuriated magus jabs me in the chest with her index finger.
You know, I don't even know how to respond to that. "That's a good question, because I was kind of hoping you'd have an answer to-"
"Are you telling me you seriously have no idea of the situation? No, don't answer me, I can see it from your face." Closing her eyes in exasperation, Olga Marie sighs and starts walking away. "There's no time to waste. Follow me…"
"Zero."
"...Whatever, we need to get started on fixing this place. One Archer went AWOL after nearly destroying the facilities-"
"If the whole human history goes away my past self won't be able to become a Counter Guardian! This is a foolproof plan!"
"Monologuing your secret plans isn't the best thing to be doing, Archer."
"-One Caster and Berserker went off to god knows where-"
"Say, Mr. Solomon, can you really fish with these shiny rocks?"
"Of course. Most of the time you'd be reeling in Black Keys, but if you're lucky they can net you some super rare catches."
"Mhm, I see! Then, let's start digging!"
"...Rocks really are a lot harder to chop than trees."
"-And I'm not even sure what the Lancer in the skintight suit is thinking, jumping out from a window the moment she saw me."
Huh.
That doesn't sound like something Scathach would do.
"In any case, as their Master, it's your duty to rein them in and make sure we have a fighting force against whoever it is that's threatening to destroy Human Order!" Olga Marie huffs, shooting a black projectile - probably a gandr - at the Avenger behind her, trying and failing to sneakily pull down the Director's skirt. "Call this Servant off, for one!"
"Not when you're so fun to tease, o' Director." Angra Mainyu cackles, and then went and pulled her skirt down anyways.
"YOOOUUU-"
The door behind us barges open, and from it comes Mysterious Heroine X.
"Olga Marie Animusphere." Adjusting her scarf slightly, the Assassin's eyes shot straight towards the Director. "The BBA Lancer was a coward who couldn't bring herself to tell you her feelings, but I am different! Servant Assassin, Anti-Saber Decisive Weapon, Mysterious Heroine X! Please accept my invitation-"
"The letter D is FORBIDDEN IN ROMA-"
Romulus crashes headfirst into the floor.
"...One more escapes the wrath of ROMA."
Maybe I should've taken up Kiara's offer.
[] the ride never ends
Was going to say this isn't up to my usual quality, but then I remembered I don't have a usual quality to begin with.
ROMULUS completely messes up at hitting anyone saying words starting with D. Sucks to be you. Roma.
SHAKESPEARE summoned a Phantom with the name of Cato Sicarius. He doesn't do much.
TESLA is too busy dissing direct current to do anything.
ARCUEID ended up summoning a bunch of Neko-Arcs instead. Hey, at least they're cute.
CHIRON isn't doing much, either.
GILLES can't quite get anything summoned. Hey, there's always kid Jeanne.
KING HASSAN did the door swapping thing, but it wasn't very fun. He kind of stopped after a while.
ANGRA MAINYU is competent in the art of bullying.
KIARA successfully coerced me and Mashu into drinking really hard. Thanks, guys.
HEROINE X spent most of her time tracking down Olga Marie, and when she actually founds her ROMA have to go and interrupt. Poor girl.
HEROINE X ALTER munches on her sweets.
BUNYAN goes to get Saint Quartzs for bait.
SOLOMON recruits Bunyan into his newly-opening Saint Quartz mining business.
EMIYA is still stuck on the idea of killing his past self.
Scathach couldn't take being in the same room with Olga Marie and went for some fresh air.
JEANNE… LILY sits around being cute.
ATALANTA follows her Black Team counterpart's example
MORIARTY is either having back pains or hatching evil plans. Your choice.
ISKANDAR recruits a team of chibi cats and begin the hunt for cakes.
ENKIDU wonders when Gil's coming.
SHAKESPEARE summoned a Phantom with the name of Cato Sicarius. He doesn't do much.
TESLA is too busy dissing direct current to do anything.
ARCUEID ended up summoning a bunch of Neko-Arcs instead. Hey, at least they're cute.
CHIRON isn't doing much, either.
GILLES can't quite get anything summoned. Hey, there's always kid Jeanne.
KING HASSAN did the door swapping thing, but it wasn't very fun. He kind of stopped after a while.
ANGRA MAINYU is competent in the art of bullying.
KIARA successfully coerced me and Mashu into drinking really hard. Thanks, guys.
HEROINE X spent most of her time tracking down Olga Marie, and when she actually founds her ROMA have to go and interrupt. Poor girl.
HEROINE X ALTER munches on her sweets.
BUNYAN goes to get Saint Quartzs for bait.
SOLOMON recruits Bunyan into his newly-opening Saint Quartz mining business.
EMIYA is still stuck on the idea of killing his past self.
Scathach couldn't take being in the same room with Olga Marie and went for some fresh air.
JEANNE… LILY sits around being cute.
ATALANTA follows her Black Team counterpart's example
MORIARTY is either having back pains or hatching evil plans. Your choice.
ISKANDAR recruits a team of chibi cats and begin the hunt for cakes.
ENKIDU wonders when Gil's coming.
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Stop: No
- Location
- Britain
no
The sexual implications present in the first part of the most recent chapter are not acceptable under SV's Rule 6, Mash is a minor. Please be more mindful of the rules when posting in the future.
In which nothing makes sense, also known as a regular thursday
zero_breaker
Anti-Anti-Procrastination Decisive Weapon
- Location
- Buried in work
Reviving with quartzs is a totally valid strategy.
"Alright, alright," I glance at the… mess in the Control Room.
One muscular Lancer, lying on the floor. Unconscious.
Mysterious Heroine X and Angra Mainyu, fighting over who gets to keep the Director for themselves.
Said Director, alternating between pleading stares and angry glares at me.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily (god, that name is way too long for her own good), being tackled into here through a wall by a robotic Mashu.
...Now hold on just a bit.
"I know it's you, Mr. Moriarty!" The child Santa proclaims, trying her hardest to block the machine's shield bash. "Not even sending a robotic Servant at me changes the fact that you're getting coal this Christmas!"
A shadow appears from the hole in the wall, the dust kicked up from the rubble obscuring the figure.
...Really, it's way too easy to identify him with those gigantic butterfly wings.
"Hahahahahaha! So you saw through my plan already? As expected of a sain-" The old man coughs rather heavily. "-Gah, damned dust getting into my mouth. In any case! This is merely the beginning, a test of this Alter Ego's capabilities!"
The Mecha Mashu nods at his… Creator? Summoner? How did he even manage to make this happen when everyone was just summoned not too long ago?
"Next, I shall transform Chaldea into an evil organization!" Moriarty continues. "Ahahahahaha! Can't stop me now, can you, Sherlock Holmes-"
A black-and-red flying object slams straight into the Archer, who crumpled into a heap right away.
"--Agh! My back!"
That solves it, I think?
Turning back to the Director, I put up a wry smile. Probably not very reassuring for the girl, but every bit counts. "So, ah, what are we doing again?"
Olga Marie is no longer hounded by the two Servants, but I think the current situation somehow manages to be worse for her.
"You cannot win me over with a simple cup of coffee!"
"Aww, even after I've tossed the bug away from you?"
Ah, so that was Angra Mainyu.
Guess he has nothing over a True Ancestor.
"Come on, X! This cup of coffee is more deserving of you than the girl over there." Arcueid winks at the Saber. Er, Assassin. "Her hair's color doesn't even match with yours!"
Said Servant is too busy staring at the other blonde's face to hear her. "I… you… this… agh, you weren't supposed to be a Saberface but here you are!" She throws her hands into the air, fist clenched. "Damn you, Takeuchiiiii!!"
"Let's just, you know, get away from here." I beckon Olga Marie over.
It took her a few seconds to respond. "Ah, uh, ahem, yes?" The Director slowly moves away from the duo. "...Maybe I'm just not cut out for this." She admits with a downcast expression, shooting glances around the damaged room. "My father's fruits of labor, being torn apart like this…"
I… have no idea how to console people, really, so I just resort to patting her on the shoulder.
"Lev's off doing things I have no idea about, all the other Masters are missing, and the Servants that were summoned aren't even trying to cooperate." The white-haired magus takes a deep breath, before facing me. "Zero, was it? We got off to a bad start, so let's do this again."
"I am Olga Marie Animusphere, Director of the Chaldea Security Organization."
"As a Master under the employment of this organization, I ask that you…" A sigh, before she continues. "...the only Master left, to aid us in the protection of humanity's continued existence."
The Director finishes, and looks at me with expectant eyes.
Guh, those eye are too much for me.
"...I-"
"Senpai!" "Director!" Nice job ruining the mood, Mashu, Romani.
"I found the armored Saber fainted around the reactor-" Romani pauses as someone tugged on his shirt.
Namely, Paul Bunyan. "Found you." She murmurs, seemingly expecting the doctor to reply.
Still put off by the interruptions, Olga Marie nonetheless shakes her head. "Humor the Berserker, Romani."
"Two more Servants got summoned!" Mashu, meanwhile, reports. "Both covered in gold, both have red eyes, and the red-haired Rider's dragging them off alongside the green-haired Lancer!"
Oh hell, there's two Gilgamesh here?
...Well, as they say, may as well go all in.
"Alright." Making up my thoughts, I snap my fingers for everyone's attention. "Not sure how well I can do, Director, but I'll try."
"Moriarty, if you're still with us, mind stopping the Mecha Mashu?" An OK sign rises from under the knocked out Angra Mainyu weakly, and I'm going to take that as an affirmative.
"X, you're the coolest Servant around and all, but please hold yourself back from gunning for the Director right away. Arcueid…" Her stare meets mine. "...Just don't break things. Please." The True Ancestor nodded. "Thanks."
"Angra Mainyu, not sure if you're awake, though please don't bully the Director all the same. And, uh, Romulus?" He's still out cold. "Let's just push this to the back."
"And…" I'll have to track down the other Servants. This might be a problem.
The large screen in the Control Room suddenly lights up again.
"-Is this thing on? Oh good. Ahem. I've waited so long for this."
"The hell are you doing EMIYA-"
And then, in a swirling light, we're all dragged into god knows where. Or when.
I think, given the presence of dinosaurs right in front of us, the 'where' part isn't all that important.
Or the 'when' part.
"I thought the Age of Gods was supposed to be a thing?"
"Not this far back, idiot."
[] I don't even know anymore
Also, because Solomon, Scathach and Kiara weren't in Chaldea when the rayshift happened, they get to... do nothing!
totally no other reasons
Mecha Mashu joined so that's something, at least?
Vote for two more Servants to pop up in the... whatever the hell the Land Before Time is supposed to be.
Format your votes just like the beginning! No duplicates from the current cast, though, and everyone gets three votes.
"Alright, alright," I glance at the… mess in the Control Room.
One muscular Lancer, lying on the floor. Unconscious.
Mysterious Heroine X and Angra Mainyu, fighting over who gets to keep the Director for themselves.
Said Director, alternating between pleading stares and angry glares at me.
Jeanne Alter Santa Lily (god, that name is way too long for her own good), being tackled into here through a wall by a robotic Mashu.
...Now hold on just a bit.
"I know it's you, Mr. Moriarty!" The child Santa proclaims, trying her hardest to block the machine's shield bash. "Not even sending a robotic Servant at me changes the fact that you're getting coal this Christmas!"
A shadow appears from the hole in the wall, the dust kicked up from the rubble obscuring the figure.
...Really, it's way too easy to identify him with those gigantic butterfly wings.
"Hahahahahaha! So you saw through my plan already? As expected of a sain-" The old man coughs rather heavily. "-Gah, damned dust getting into my mouth. In any case! This is merely the beginning, a test of this Alter Ego's capabilities!"
The Mecha Mashu nods at his… Creator? Summoner? How did he even manage to make this happen when everyone was just summoned not too long ago?
"Next, I shall transform Chaldea into an evil organization!" Moriarty continues. "Ahahahahaha! Can't stop me now, can you, Sherlock Holmes-"
A black-and-red flying object slams straight into the Archer, who crumpled into a heap right away.
"--Agh! My back!"
That solves it, I think?
Turning back to the Director, I put up a wry smile. Probably not very reassuring for the girl, but every bit counts. "So, ah, what are we doing again?"
Olga Marie is no longer hounded by the two Servants, but I think the current situation somehow manages to be worse for her.
"You cannot win me over with a simple cup of coffee!"
"Aww, even after I've tossed the bug away from you?"
Ah, so that was Angra Mainyu.
Guess he has nothing over a True Ancestor.
"Come on, X! This cup of coffee is more deserving of you than the girl over there." Arcueid winks at the Saber. Er, Assassin. "Her hair's color doesn't even match with yours!"
Said Servant is too busy staring at the other blonde's face to hear her. "I… you… this… agh, you weren't supposed to be a Saberface but here you are!" She throws her hands into the air, fist clenched. "Damn you, Takeuchiiiii!!"
"Let's just, you know, get away from here." I beckon Olga Marie over.
It took her a few seconds to respond. "Ah, uh, ahem, yes?" The Director slowly moves away from the duo. "...Maybe I'm just not cut out for this." She admits with a downcast expression, shooting glances around the damaged room. "My father's fruits of labor, being torn apart like this…"
I… have no idea how to console people, really, so I just resort to patting her on the shoulder.
"Lev's off doing things I have no idea about, all the other Masters are missing, and the Servants that were summoned aren't even trying to cooperate." The white-haired magus takes a deep breath, before facing me. "Zero, was it? We got off to a bad start, so let's do this again."
"I am Olga Marie Animusphere, Director of the Chaldea Security Organization."
"As a Master under the employment of this organization, I ask that you…" A sigh, before she continues. "...the only Master left, to aid us in the protection of humanity's continued existence."
The Director finishes, and looks at me with expectant eyes.
Guh, those eye are too much for me.
"...I-"
"Senpai!" "Director!" Nice job ruining the mood, Mashu, Romani.
"I found the armored Saber fainted around the reactor-" Romani pauses as someone tugged on his shirt.
Namely, Paul Bunyan. "Found you." She murmurs, seemingly expecting the doctor to reply.
Still put off by the interruptions, Olga Marie nonetheless shakes her head. "Humor the Berserker, Romani."
"Two more Servants got summoned!" Mashu, meanwhile, reports. "Both covered in gold, both have red eyes, and the red-haired Rider's dragging them off alongside the green-haired Lancer!"
Oh hell, there's two Gilgamesh here?
...Well, as they say, may as well go all in.
"Alright." Making up my thoughts, I snap my fingers for everyone's attention. "Not sure how well I can do, Director, but I'll try."
"Moriarty, if you're still with us, mind stopping the Mecha Mashu?" An OK sign rises from under the knocked out Angra Mainyu weakly, and I'm going to take that as an affirmative.
"X, you're the coolest Servant around and all, but please hold yourself back from gunning for the Director right away. Arcueid…" Her stare meets mine. "...Just don't break things. Please." The True Ancestor nodded. "Thanks."
"Angra Mainyu, not sure if you're awake, though please don't bully the Director all the same. And, uh, Romulus?" He's still out cold. "Let's just push this to the back."
"And…" I'll have to track down the other Servants. This might be a problem.
The large screen in the Control Room suddenly lights up again.
"-Is this thing on? Oh good. Ahem. I've waited so long for this."
"The hell are you doing EMIYA-"
And then, in a swirling light, we're all dragged into god knows where. Or when.
I think, given the presence of dinosaurs right in front of us, the 'where' part isn't all that important.
Or the 'when' part.
"I thought the Age of Gods was supposed to be a thing?"
"Not this far back, idiot."
[] I don't even know anymore
SHAKESPEARE manages to get lost in the place right away.
ENKIDU is confused over the growing number of Gils.
KIARA summons a female Gilgamesh, who promptly tosses her as far as she could.
ATALANTA sends everyone into the past. Far, far past. As in, dinosaurs.
ARCUEID works to win over Heroine X's heart. With coffee.
ROMULUS is too out of it to do anything.
EMIYA, no doubt following the orders of the Demon Pillars, tries to influence the public by hosting a cook show. And then he's facing a dinosaur.
SCATHACH escapes the fate of being rayshifted to the past by not being in Chaldea.
ISKANDAR drags Caster Gilgamesh along in his search for cakes. Also for Enkidu.
SOLOMON ponders on the irony of Bunyan leaving him for his human self.
ALTER X is still munching on her sweets.
TESLA continues to rail against Direct Current.
KING HASSAN tries his hands at writing. Problem is, all his pens are burning and his papers are too.
HEROINE X curses Takeuchi's name.
SANTA LILY fights against the machinations of the evil mastermind, Moriarty! And his henchmen, Mecha Mashu!
MORIARTY isn't quite sure why the Servant he summoned is like this, but hey, if it works, it works.
CHIRON continues to not show up. Where could he be…
GILLES accidentally doses himself with too much Mako Energy and goes unconscious.
ANGRA MAINYU gets tossed away by Arcueid for being a nuisance.
BUNYAN goes back to look for Romani, and then you realize she's really just looking for the person she was with.
ENKIDU is confused over the growing number of Gils.
KIARA summons a female Gilgamesh, who promptly tosses her as far as she could.
ATALANTA sends everyone into the past. Far, far past. As in, dinosaurs.
ARCUEID works to win over Heroine X's heart. With coffee.
ROMULUS is too out of it to do anything.
EMIYA, no doubt following the orders of the Demon Pillars, tries to influence the public by hosting a cook show. And then he's facing a dinosaur.
SCATHACH escapes the fate of being rayshifted to the past by not being in Chaldea.
ISKANDAR drags Caster Gilgamesh along in his search for cakes. Also for Enkidu.
SOLOMON ponders on the irony of Bunyan leaving him for his human self.
ALTER X is still munching on her sweets.
TESLA continues to rail against Direct Current.
KING HASSAN tries his hands at writing. Problem is, all his pens are burning and his papers are too.
HEROINE X curses Takeuchi's name.
SANTA LILY fights against the machinations of the evil mastermind, Moriarty! And his henchmen, Mecha Mashu!
MORIARTY isn't quite sure why the Servant he summoned is like this, but hey, if it works, it works.
CHIRON continues to not show up. Where could he be…
GILLES accidentally doses himself with too much Mako Energy and goes unconscious.
ANGRA MAINYU gets tossed away by Arcueid for being a nuisance.
BUNYAN goes back to look for Romani, and then you realize she's really just looking for the person she was with.
Also, because Solomon, Scathach and Kiara weren't in Chaldea when the rayshift happened, they get to... do nothing!
Mecha Mashu joined so that's something, at least?
Vote for two more Servants to pop up in the... whatever the hell the Land Before Time is supposed to be.
Format your votes just like the beginning! No duplicates from the current cast, though, and everyone gets three votes.
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