Emiya Kiritsugu.
As I lay on this accursed battlefield, dying of the great slash in my torso dealt to me by possibly the most tragic of my knights, I can do nothing but curse that name.
In the name of Emiya Kiritsugu indeed. I could feel a few tears in my eyes. I had been so very close, so very, very close.
"You're back."
The voice is whispered, weak, almost dead. My own gaze shuffles ever so slightly, falling upon the bloody face beside me, identical to my own. She is dying too, of a significantly more lethal wound. Throughout the four times my soul had shuffled its coil to try and claim the Holy Grail, she was the only face I could come back to see.
She understood, to a point, I think. She didn't agree, I could see the slight happiness in her eyes as she realised I had returned, but she understood. There was no judgement in her eyes. She understood that if I succeeded, I would undo her entirely…
No, I think if I have a daughter, then she will bear her name. I do not wish to undo my killer. It was a small bit of sentimentality. I held no hate for her, the one who had rebelled, who had undone my work in nary a month. At the very end, I began to understand.
This burning feeling I felt for Emiya Kiritsugu, is this what she felt that day, when I told her that she was no child of mine, that I would not acknowledge her as any more then the child spawned of myself and Morgan through deceit and rape? This crushing, burning feeling. If I made her feel even a fraction of this, this feeling I'd never born for anyone else, then maybe, just maybe, I could truly begin to understand.
"I'm back."
My voice is a little weak, maybe even pitiful.
"Did you reach it this time?"
Clearly she thought the answer would be no. I almost didn't want to tell her I had made it.
"Yes."
A silence. A deafening silence.
"You didn't do it?"
"I was ordered to destroy it."
My voice was choking up. I'd already explained the idea of the Holy Grail War to her, two times ago when it became clear this would be a recurring thing. She didn't answer for a time. I could hear her struggling to keep breathing, yet the sound of her lungs working soon levelled out. I'd… been worried she'd expire on the spot, yet she clung stubbornly to life, as if she wanted to walk with me into the River Styx herself.
"A dud summoner huh?" It was almost as if she didn't want to acknowledge the idea that I might ever call someone Master, as if such a thing was abhorrent to her. "Will you try again?"
I heard the tremble in her voice. She had lasted well after the point she should have died, but she wouldn't last much longer.
Yet…
"I don't think I can."
I had reached the Grail. The failure to use it was entirely on me. A moment passed, as if to confirm my suspicions, the familiar tug of being summoned never coming.
*Chink* *Chink*
Huh?
Her arm was weakly draped on me now. A bloody cheek resting on mine.
"Then… we need… to offer more… huh?"
What?
"The deal… was you for the chance at the Grail… right? Then… for a second chance… we'll… give me."
Even at the end, in her own way, she was still loyal. Knight of Treachery was just another hat, to her, there was some greater thing she pledged herself to. A desire to surpass. A desire for acknowledgement.
I could understand now, more so then I once did. But…
In another way, it was sad.
I weakly raised my left arm, and wrapped it around her heaving shoulders. The effort for her to move must have been truly herculean. I knew I'd struck true with Ron. She didn't have half a spine anymore, and I'd crippled one of her arms.
I could feel something wet on me. Probably blood.
"Save your strength." It rang hollow, though, a small comfort for a dying knight. I heard a small chuckle in reply, though. She appeared to appreciate the hollow comforting words.
"… Do you regret me?"
That… now that was a loaded question, yet…
How does one answer that, to your child by rape who had eventually ruined everything you'd worked for? Yet was she truly to blame? Despite being the leader of this bloody rebellion, she had very little involvement in the events before my departure to France…
Did I regret her…
I couldn't answer that.
"It's too late for regret." I whisper back. I can feel my strength fading. Speaking was becoming very difficult. Was this the struggle she'd endured for what must have been hours? She was stronger then I'd ever given credit for if it was.
A hollow chuckle. No, it was… closer to a giggle then a chuckle, but there was plenty of choking involved. She was dying.
So was I.
"Guess it is." She whispered. "Can you… say it? Just once?"
A small, weak plea. I could see her forcing her face to look at me through one dull, barely open eye. She wanted it so very badly, it seemed.
Then I felt it. The tug.
She had done it. A deal with Alaya. One on my behalf.
I couldn't put the maelstrom of feelings within me into words. All I could properly name was a small, burning determination to succeed. It was no longer just my fate on the line, but hers, too. If I failed, there would be no rest for her. She'd be a dog for all eternity, killing helplessly at the beck and call of the 'will' of humanity.
I'd be gone from this body again, soon, yet…
[ ] Say it, just this once...
[ ] Remain silent…
-
When the light clears, I'm…
[ ] Before a young man, dressed in a uniform and pale as a sheet. About me is a multitude of tools. Clearly I had been summoned in a shed. It's a familiar place.
[ ] In a Western style room, broken apart and damaged by my arrival. Yet there is a small warmth within it. Despite the emptiness, someone lived here who loved this house very much, either due to memories or otherwise.
[ ]Before a young woman, face contorted in pain. The location is a roughshod… attic? Two others are in the room, an old man leaning on a stick and a blue haired boy whose lips are twisted with somewhat sadistic glee.
[ ] In a small chapel. Before me is a little girl, who looks ever so gleeful at a successful summon. I feel like I'm fulfilling a promise to Irisviel...