The Mistake Begins

Chehrazad

Someone's Daughter
Location
Denmark
Pronouns
She/Her
The year is 1444 and Europe emerges from a century of shattered states, harrowing plague, countless civil wars, revolts, a Church still reeling from its shattering in the Western Schism and a Holy Roman Empire still weakened by the interregnum that hurt its once-great unity. In the Middle East, the House of Osman has both fought and aided the last remnants of the Romans who still cling on to their Eternal City, now dominating both Asia Minor and the inner lands of Thrace under their unquestioned sovereignty, while further east yet, Shahrukh Amirzadeh rules his father's lands in a tenuous velvet fist compared to the mailed glove of his father, well-aware that his death shall bring a terrible chaos upon the Middle East yet without the power to prevent it. Much further east, the Ashikaga Shogunate remains riven by civil war and terrible conflict, even as the very core of the state breaks down, its last vestiges surviving only in the sacred personage of the Emperor. Overseas from the Shogunate, the Ming Dynasty of China under the Yongle Emperor carefully guards its position, well aware of the might of the northern Oirats but confident in its own power nonetheless. Little do any of these peoples yet know that a world to them wholly new awaits across the Pacific and Atlantic Sea, well-populated by its own peoples as strong and proud as any Prince, Emir or Daimyo.

Right, so, with the fancy intro over, let's talk about what this is.

To pass away the quarantine and my incredible boredom and because my muse for quests has betrayed me, I have decided to run what is known in the Paradox community as an After Action Report or AAR for short. For those unfamiliar with the concept, basically it means I play a Paradox game - in this case Europa Universalis IV - and post it to your amusement in a style reminiscent of effectively a roleplay. However, unlike a normal AAR, this one will be run as a quest, because to be frank, combining an AAR and quests is really easy and it seems fun. You will be taking the role of the leader of whatever country or state you decide to play and turns will take the form of 20-year-intervals in which I play the game according to your specifications given through votes that define the overall path of the country. For very important events, I will also leave the vote up to you instead of making the choice myself, to ensure that you have plenty of choice.

Beyond that, I will also take user motions, by which any given player can tag me and propose a user motion as an alternative or addition to a current vote. If you can then gather three or more supporters (the number of Councilors you can have in Europa Universalis IV), I will put that user motion up for vote. In addition, a user motion may always be introduced separately from the current voting in order to:
  • Declare war on a state.
  • Change a government reform.
  • Add a geostrategic goal, such as "Acquire a colony in North America", "convert to Zoroastrianism" or "gain control of trade in the English channel".
  • Allocate a budget to build buildings of a certain type.
We will be using several mods, the list of which can be found below this paragraph. In addition, while I won't like, limit myself and play badly, I'm not gonna blob insanely, because I don't really find that aspect of Europa Universalis IV particularly fun and my primary interest here is to make an interesting story, so if I see something, I might cheat and buff up some enemy or use the console to clean up the map so it doesn't look totally awful. I'm not gonna like, swap on god mode and yesman or put on leaders with 100/100/100/100 stats, but I might save scum and I might cheat a little here and there so the story can progress. Hopefully not too much, but if I judge it necessary, I won't restrain myself from it. And if you decide to choose some state like Byzantium or Granada where 30% of the earlygame is RNG, I might have to. Ideally, I'd like to convert this to Victoria 2 to continue the saga, but we'll see how well that goes. I don't have any mods that fuck with provinces, but the converter is somewhat finnicky, so it might be that it all explodes and dies, in which case it was a fun ride while it lasted and I can do another run that we can actually convert to Victoria 2.

Mod List
  • Eurocentric Institutions: This is mostly there for the sake of Victoria 2 conversion, so we get a Victoria 2 start not totally nonsense.
  • Eurocentric Colonization: This is to ensure that Mamluk Australia doesn't happen. In case we play a non-European state, we can still get the ability to colonize with enough work.
  • Realistic African Colonization: This is so all of Africa doesn't get eaten up so the Scramble for Africa can still happen in Victoria 2 and because for some reason, this stupid game doesn't have colonial regions for Africa and that creates dumb results.
  • Danish Army Unit Models: Fuck you, I'm Danish and I will not stand for Paradox's Swedish tyranny.
  • Colonial Freedom: So colonial nations actually get some kind of independence desire and won't stay loyal forever.
  • Cantons for Colonial Flags: Because it looks better.
  • Plague: Mostly to add some disruption and more chance of stuff exploding by the point you get your insanely developed mega capitals.
  • Less Weak Religion: In case the interest lies in Judaism or Zoroastrianism.
  • Purple Roman Empire: I don't know why this is here but it doesn't conflict with anything so I'm not turning it off.
  • All Roads Lead to Rome: To have more to build and because I like roads as a feature.
  • Missions Expanded: iran in the base game has literally 3 unique missions in total. 3.


So without further ado, the first vote is about where we play. Due to not knowing enough about those regions and the utter lack of anything interesting in them in Europa Universalis IV, the Americas are not going to be a choice here. I could conceivably do the Kingdom of Qusqu, but there's nothing interesting in the region except a long Andean stompfest after some point and then colonizing all of South America due to stupid province sizes, so I won't do that. Mexico is an interesting region but my knowledge of it is significantly less and you're still stuck at the point where all interesting state interaction disappears and you're just hitting colonial piñatas for fat stacks and provinces now and then. Therefore, I have assembled a list of countries which I think are interesting to play, but will allow write-ins in case people are interested in a different game.

Country Examples


[ ] Write-In: First and foremost of all the options, because I'm really cool with anything and all the options following this one are just examples of what I think might be interesting. Do you want to restore Eastern Roman power over Anatolia? Do you want to establish a Manchu state in China? Do you want to scheme for control of the Holy Roman Empire? Then use this write-in option and get people to think it's a cool idea! There's more than 500 countries in the game and the following are only a few!

[ ] Denmark: A game with Denmark will focus, more or less, on consolidating and controlling the north, fighting with England and the Russians and doing some colonization around the world, more or less. It will be a very maritime sort of game, but also a diplomatic one because even a powerful Scandinavia isn't particularly impressively strong compared to a big European power like France and will therefore involve a lot of roundabout methods to accomplish our goals.

[ ] Hungary: A game where Hungary is chosen will be about securing Balkan control, keeping our pre-eminent position in Europe and attempting to gain a safeguard against the literal tonnes of enemies surrounding us. The primary objectives here are more or less about controlling the Balkans and fortifying the Carpathian basin to ensure our security, while feuding with Austrians, Ottomans and likely Poles and Czechs too. After that, who knows? I'm sure we can find something stupid to do.

[ ] Mazandaran: For some reason, one of my mods and I can't figure out which, has made Mazandaran Zoroastrian, so we all know what this game is gonna be about; the restoration of the Mazdayasna to Iran. It's gonna be a very military-focused game but will feature the highest degree of Zoroastrian shitposting, given I am a Zoroastrian myself, so hey that's an advantage.

[ ] Ethiopia: This game will have a large focus on re-establishing Christianity in our part of Africa, Fighting The Mamluks Ten Billion Times and desperately seeking allies in a world where we are largely alone. Also, we will be playing Coptic Pokemon which means instead of being a LAME ASS and just building a giant Ethiopian Empire all the way into the Middle East, we'll be establishing Coptic vassal states and creating a proper Coptic Christian Ecumene.

[ ] Delhi: Yeah more or less the purpose here is to desperately fight to return the power of the Delhi Sultanate over India once more. Due to this being India, there's gonna be a lot more engagement with the religious side of gameplay due to how we have Muslims, Hindus and later Sikhs all around our playground, so it adds plenty of opportunity to go in any specific direction.

[ ] Morocco: A Morocco game would focus a lot on fighting the Europeans in Portugal, Castille and Aragon, attempting to acquire a proper foothold in Iberia, colonizing and defending the Maghreb, North and West Africa from the Nasara who would make us slaves.

[ ] Korea: Korea is the most sadly underappreciated East Asian state in the triat that also includes Japan and China, which sucks because Korea is cool as hell, so this game is gonna be about playing Kingdom if instead of fighting zombies they fought an eternal hell war against the Manchus and instead of fighting because they are evil arisen dead they are fighting because they're really angry we burnt all their homes down and forced them to speak Korean. I don't like besmirching Korea's perfect peninsular shape, so this game will include a lot of vassals to fight under our glorious banner and will of course involve asking ourselves whether we want to remain loyal to the Ming dynasty or go our own way.

 
On the one hand, I want the shitpost that is the Papal Roman Empire which is what I'd write-in (basically, Papal States with the express purpose of getting to the borders of... at *least* a Mediterranean Empire)

but Zoroastrian Shitposting sounds even more fun and the a True Holy Roman Empire can wait until Emperor comes out so

[X] Mazandaran: For some reason, one of my mods and I can't figure out which, has made Mazandaran Zoroastrian, so we all know what this game is gonna be about; the restoration of the Mazdayasna to Iran. It's gonna be a very military-focused game but will feature the highest degree of Zoroastrian shitposting, given I am a Zoroastrian myself, so hey that's an advantage.
 
[x] Write-In: Austria! The most glorious nation of all Europe, the turntables between east and west (ignoring the bigger, more turny table of Constantinople), struggling with the ungrateful, stubborn and treacherous politically multifaceted princes of the Holy Roman Empire of the Germans. Fight to gain control of the central power of Europe, then fight the various parts of your body... and do it without instating hereditary rule in the Empire.
 
[X]Granada
Start the ReReConquista of Al Andalus, bring peace and prosperity of the house of peace to the spaniards and ensure that you will curse us for this choice as you will also go forth and have a kinder exploration of the great ocean should the med be to small for your long term ambitions.

(and to make you hate me dane boi )
 
Yeah standard 1444 start except for some reason Mazandaran is Zoroastrian? I don't really know why.

[x] Write-In: Austria! The most glorious nation of all Europe, the turntables between east and west (ignoring the bigger, more turny table of Constantinople), struggling with the ungrateful, stubborn and treacherous politically multifaceted princes of the Holy Roman Empire of the Germans. Fight to gain control of the central power of Europe, then fight the various parts of your body... and do it without instating hereditary rule in the Empire.
lmao no erbkaisertum sounds so stupid i could do this
 
Huh, this is something I didn't expect to see. Mazandaran sounds the most interesting, but I could go for delhi or Ethiopia. I want to like korea but the way the ming are set up makes playing in that part of the world profoundly less interesting, which is a shame because the idea is cool.

[X] Mazandaran
 
[X] Holland
Why? Because they play tall, they do maritime and land based face bashing and they get to travel the colonial regions too.
 
[X] Mazandaran: For some reason, one of my mods and I can't figure out which, has made Mazandaran Zoroastrian, so we all know what this game is gonna be about; the restoration of the Mazdayasna to Iran. It's gonna be a very military-focused game but will feature the highest degree of Zoroastrian shitposting, given I am a Zoroastrian myself, so hey that's an advantage.

Must take advantage of the Zoroastrian shitposting expert that is OP :V.
 
[X] Mazandaran: For some reason, one of my mods and I can't figure out which, has made Mazandaran Zoroastrian, so we all know what this game is gonna be about; the restoration of the Mazdayasna to Iran. It's gonna be a very military-focused game but will feature the highest degree of Zoroastrian shitposting, given I am a Zoroastrian myself, so hey that's an advantage.
 
also i feel like i should warn people about mazandaran expecting master level zoroastrian shitposting every update this stuff gets convoluted people the sky is made of metal what the fuck
 
also i feel like i should warn people about mazandaran expecting master level zoroastrian shitposting every update this stuff gets convoluted people the sky is made of metal what the fuck
We're going to get the full dose of dank Zoro memes straight to the eyeballs
I can't wait
[X] Mazandaran: For some reason, one of my mods and I can't figure out which, has made Mazandaran Zoroastrian, so we all know what this game is gonna be about; the restoration of the Mazdayasna to Iran. It's gonna be a very military-focused game but will feature the highest degree of Zoroastrian shitposting, given I am a Zoroastrian myself, so hey that's an advantage.
 
also i feel like i should warn people about mazandaran expecting master level zoroastrian shitposting every update this stuff gets convoluted people the sky is made of metal what the fuck
Manus, that just makes it like, the core appeal.
[X] Mazandaran: For some reason, one of my mods and I can't figure out which, has made Mazandaran Zoroastrian, so we all know what this game is gonna be about; the restoration of the Mazdayasna to Iran. It's gonna be a very military-focused game but will feature the highest degree of Zoroastrian shitposting, given I am a Zoroastrian myself, so hey that's an advantage.
 
Manus, that just makes it like, the core appeal.
[X] Mazandaran: For some reason, one of my mods and I can't figure out which, has made Mazandaran Zoroastrian, so we all know what this game is gonna be about; the restoration of the Mazdayasna to Iran. It's gonna be a very military-focused game but will feature the highest degree of Zoroastrian shitposting, given I am a Zoroastrian myself, so hey that's an advantage.
why
 
I dunno, @13th Fleet has almost convinced me of the whole S W E D E N thing. Especially what with the initial start being Sweden as a Danish vassal afaik.
Yeah, Sweden starts in personal union with Denmark as part of the Kalmar Union, but it has a pretty high liberty desire from the start. The biggest danger is when the Danish AI inevitably does something really stupid or if Muscovy declares war.
 
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