[X] Go for gold. Try to convince him that you know how he feels and he can trust you to talk about it. Share something... personal. Fuck you hope it doesn't come to that. [x0.75]
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
Maybe not, but we wouldn't be forcing anything out of him - just openly asking what's wrong. We hold no power to compel his answer. I think the existing level of trust here is sufficient for forthrightness to be appropriate to the situation.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
Maybe not, but we wouldn't be forcing anything out of him - just openly asking what's wrong. We hold no power to compel his answer. I think the existing level of trust here is sufficient for forthrightness to be appropriate to the situation.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
Eehhh. Its a matter of perception. If he perceives Eldy as one who sorta kinda controls him (as he is Eldy's incubus), then situation is different. And he is likely not in the kind of mindframe to be all rational about it.
Eehhh. Its a matter of perception. If he perceives Eldy as one who sorta kinda controls him (as he is Eldy's incubus), then situation is different. And he is likely not in the kind of mindframe to be all rational about it.
That's true but between the risk of "Belial views Eldingar as having power over him and therefore feels pressured by an overt inquiry" and that of "Belial has deeply internalized the notion that his job is only to offer, not receive, advice & emotional support" I rate the latter as significantly more of a danger. In which case any line of questioning he can slip out of he likely will.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
[X] Sidetrack the conversation by talking about random shit. Belial's mood may have a chance to improve if you pretend like you haven't noticed it, or at the very least he'll have to acknowledge you're still trying.
I'm here to be contrary! Sometimes people just do not want to talk about their problems. It sucks, but its true. Barreling forward at each opportunity may seem earnest, but sometimes when you feel bad, you just need time thinking about anything else before you're ready to work at it.
[X] Sidetrack the conversation by talking about random shit. Belial's mood may have a chance to improve if you pretend like you haven't noticed it, or at the very least he'll have to acknowledge you're still trying.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
being real is scary. we should do it more often. and as soon as it gets too hard we can give up.
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
[X] Go for gold. Try to convince him that you know how he feels and he can trust you to talk about it. Share something... personal. Fuck you hope it doesn't come to that. [x0.75]
[X] Sidetrack the conversation by talking about random shit. Belial's mood may have a chance to improve if you pretend like you haven't noticed it, or at the very least he'll have to acknowledge you're still trying.
[X] Go for gold. Try to convince him that you know how he feels and he can trust you to talk about it. Share something... personal. Fuck you hope it doesn't come to that. [x0.75]
[X] Ask him straight-up what's wrong. This is about as terrifying a prospect to imagine from his perspective and yours, but if there's a chance it might be the key to all this you can't dismiss it.
Chapter Fifty-Two: Why Does It Seem Like Every Time You Think You Know The Rules Of Relationships Someone Comes Along And Changes Them Right Under Your Nose?
Should you just... ask? Is that really an option right now? Belial told you all that stuff about needing to be honest and communicate, but there's a big difference between the idea of it and being in the moment. Staring silently at his back and agonising over the possibility that pushing harder will just make it break, not bend.
But he told you talking is what you're meant to do to make something like this. And you're not some coward who's scared to ask someone a question! You're a dragon! You do as you please, take what you like, make the world itself bend around you! So you lurch into action really quickly before that feeling fades and you lose your nerve.
"Belial... please tell me what's wrong."
You wouldn't call yourself the most perceptive of people but you can still see it. The way he flinches, tenses, digs his hidden claws into his arms as illusory nails merely dimple the sleeves. The wind plucks a lock of hair free and brushes it across his face - he rakes it back too quickly, too sharply. Angry but not at you. His shoulders slowly rise and fall as he takes a deep breath.
"Why does something have to be 'wrong'?" he asks, and his voice betrays nothing. It's just as smooth and even, worn a little gravelly by age, everything down to the tone and cadence almost tailor-made to put you at ease. He turns his head slightly, exposing little more than his cheek. "I mean it, I really am just tired. I stayed up a little later than I should talking to Jun-ho. I'm, hah, a little far along to be keeping up with energetic types like him."
There's that urge again. You want to take him at his word and leave it at that, escape this awful chest-tightening sensation and put it out of your mind. He doesn't want to talk, you don't want to talk, nobody does so why are you here? But there's the other one, quieter but still going strong. The feeling, so simple it's downright childlike, that if Belial's sad then so are you.
"You don't... sound 'just tired'," you say, hesitantly picking your way through your words as one would a treacherous mountain path. Sheer, unscaleable heights one side and a dizzying drop to your death the other. You're just glad the tower-top is pretty deserted right now, you can't imagine how much harder this would be with more people around. "Didn't you say that communicating was important? That in relationships people have to be open and honest?"
There's another long pause. You can almost see the gears turning in Belial's head, grinding and catching on each other as he tries to come up with another dodge, another smooth parry into some other subject. His shoulder sink slightly, subtly, in defeat. He half-turns to you, raking his windswept hair out of the way and behind his ear once more. He has a complicated look on his face, at once proud of you for taking his advice so close to heart and dismayed that you chose the worst possible time to act on it. His lips curl into a sweet, sad smile.
"The rules are different for people like me," he says softly. "Just the way things are, you know?"
"... no? I don't?" You hold your hands out, palms up, in a silent plea for something you can work with. Sure you probably won't be able to do much but you're not asking the world here, are you? You didn't think so, but the way Belial's brow creases with discomfort bordering on actual pain it's starting to seem like it.
"Eldingar," he says slowly and deliberately, "I'm just having a down day. Thank you for worrying enough to check up on me and take me out, but it really isn't anything serious. Give me some time alone to unwind and I'll be back at the spire before you know it, right as rain. That's not so hard to believe, is it?"
"Yes!" you exclaim. Belial double-takes, practically flinches. It's as if a thin pane of glass separating the two of you shatters and you rush on like a rolling wave, desperately surfing everything that comes pouring out of you because the alternative is being swept under. "Belial I dunno if you think I'm some ignorant moron like everybody else does but I'm not, ok? You've been getting quieter, staying in your room, avoiding the others, and this whole time today you've been miles away and don't-" you head him off as he opens his mouth to speak "-try to say you haven't been because I know alright? I've lived this!"
You got a few steps closer to him at some point. You're almost close enough to reach out and touch him. You get the feeling he'd be backing up if there weren't a sheer drop into the bay behind him. You hang your head with a sigh, grinding the heel of your hand into one eye.
"I... do what you do when I'm sad," you say. "A lot of it. So yeah, at first when I saw it I wanted to believe I was just seeing things that weren't there. But something's wrong, seriously wrong, and everything you've been teaching me tells me I'm supposed to ask about it rather than let it slide!"
"This- it's not the same!"
"Why isn't it!?" Your voice cracks a little. You gesticulate in frustration, silently motioning for him to give you something, anything. "You told me I'm supposed to listen and talk about things to make relationships work, Belial! So here I am asking and trying to-"
"I'm not your boyfriend, Eldingar."
He might as well have slapped you. You're both keeping your voices down but the way his words echo and echo in your ears he might as well have screamed it at the top of his lungs. His lips move soundlessly as he searches for something else, anything else. An explanation, a clarification, anything at all to soften the blow. Eventually he just limply, helplessly shrugs.
"I'm- I'm sorry you shouldn't have had to hear it like that but it's true," he goes on, his voice strained and husky. "What did you think this was, Eldingar? Did you think I could just slot in with everyone else, like a real partner?"
"I thought-"
"I'm a demon. You chose me to lose your virginity to and it was such a sweet and vulnerable moment that made you so happy and I ate that." He flicks his head, nodding slightly as if in agreement to his own words. "It was a truly important moment in your life and it happened because I was seasoning you like a- like a meal. That's the truth, that's the fact of what I am. I'm a parasite. And sure maybe my cravings aren't as visible as flesh or dramatic as blood but they're there and they're never, ever going away. Not as long as I live." A short, harsh, bitter laugh. "And it kind of kills the romance when sex is a matter of life and death."
Silence falls, short and sickening and yanking on your stomach with an unseen fist.
"Can't we just-?" you start.
"No." He takes a deep breath that turns to a sniffle in his nose. He dabs at the corners of his eyes in frustration - just with the knuckle, ever-careful of the long talons you can no longer see. "It doesn't work like that. The likes of me aren't made to settle down. I've tr-" he cuts himself off, shakes his head slightly. "I've told you, right from the start. It's a contract, a job. I'm supposed to get in, harvest what I can and just... get out again. The longer I stay in the material world in one go the harder it gets to keep myself together. The hungrier I'll get. The more I'll... fade."
He gestures down at himself. You know he doesn't mean the illusory body he made just to be here. You can see the real thing just as clearly in your mind's eye. You can picture what it must have looked like, the way his body slowly degraded from the flawless, immortal ideal of desire into the state you found him in. Aged, overweight, run-down, just... tired. Almost used up.
"Sooner or later someone gets bored." Somehow he's still riding that line, holding back the tears even when he seems to wish so desperately they'd just fall and get it over with. The illusion's eyes don't grow puffy and red-rimmed and bloodshot like they should - small mercy for him, you imagine. "With a mortal it's my kind but in this case I'm pretty confident it'll be you. Sooner or later, maybe decades on if we're lucky, you'll wake up one morning and realise there's only one person in that spire who only loves you for what you can give him. And I don't... want that."
You just stare for a moment, dumbfounded. Searching his face for something, some sign that he doesn't really mean what you think he means, that there's still something that can be done. The illusion is doing a good job. If it weren't for his harsh, ragged breathing you could almost think he was alright.
"What're... what're you saying, exactly?" you ask quietly.
"I-"
He takes a fistful of his shirt over his chest and squeezes. His eyes leave yours and they don't come back. Slowly, haltingly, he turns away again and doesn't turn back.
"I'm saying I should be alone right now," he says. "I don't think it's a good idea to hang around your spire for a while."
"Belial-"
"Please don't follow me."
He hugs himself tight, as if bracing himself to brave a violent storm, and hurries away as fast as his legs will carry him without breaking into an outright sprint. Down the steps he goes, head bowed all the while, down to ground level and around the corner and out of sight. You watch him go and sure you want to ignore him, you want to sprint after him and tell him it'll be alright because what a dragon says always goes but... you don't. You've done enough already.
You stay up there on the tower overlooking the bay, ordinary people passing you by in ones and twos and threes and fours. Utterly oblivious to what just happened. A particularly entrepreneurial street vendor makes the climb up to your perch laden with drinks just non-alcoholic enough for plausible deniability if a guard stops him. You mash a fistful of coins directly into his face so that he'll leave a couple bottles for you when he leaves, and you knock them back one after the other like you have something to prove. You don't even... think, honestly. Even thinking feels like too much of a strain right now. You just squint up at the sun, watching it slowly pass its zenith and sink towards the water a degree at a time.
You throw all three empty bottles into the bay one after another. It feels good, too. Part of you almost wants a guard to come get on your case for littering so you can shout at him, make him feel small and helpless and insignificant before your overwhelming might. You turn to leave, scanning your surrounding with narrowed eyes, hunting for an excuse.
SMASH-SMASH, SMASH. All three bottles come rocketing back up out of the water, repelled by the purification enchantment the city council had put on the bay back in 1352, and shatter across the back of your head. You stand stock-still for what feels like ten minutes straight just... quivering with overflowing anger that has nowhere to go. And then all at once the tension leaves your body. Your muscles go slack, your fists unclench, and you just toss your head to feel the glass shards fall from your pure white curls. Yeah. That's about typical at this point. You don't know why you expected anything different.
Well, that's your day ruined! But going home and curling up in a big scaly ball on your money feels like the height of hypocrisy after that so... what else is there?
[ ] Go looking for a demonologist to check on whether everything Belial said was true. It's not that you don't believe him it's just... you want to believe there's still something you can do. Some new angle or subtle loophole.
[ ] Go back to the spire and ask Abzu for their expert opinion. They're a wizard, and they've spent a good long time researching all sorts of things while waiting for their master to come home. Surely they'd have something to add?
[ ] Talk to Amina. Sure she's your employee but she's smart and capable, and shockingly insightful about you to boot. Maybe she can shake something loose you'd otherwise miss?
[ ] Talk to Ilyana. Sure your relationship is more on the professional side, but Mother's dragged her into this already - and besides, if she's been happily married this long she's got to know something about relationships.
[ ] Talk to Mother. This... is a terrible idea that would almost certainly end in you longing for death but... technically... she is still far older and more powerful than you. Couched correctly, perhaps she could reveal some ancient secret to solving this problem? [x0.1]
[ ] Go back to the spire and check in on Datu and Lyrros. You feel like warmed-up crap but hey, at least they seem to be getting along alright. Maybe it'll be the pick-me-up you need.
[ ] Just go fucking drink. You don't know what to do and frankly you don't want to even try figuring out what to do right now. You just want to forget this day even happened, blaze through the back half of it in a blur, then start over next morning and see how that pans out.
Adhoc vote count started by ZerbanDaGreat on Nov 9, 2018 at 10:03 PM, finished with 3442 posts and 16 votes.
[X] Talk to Ilyana. Sure your relationship is more on the professional side, but Mother's dragged her into this already - and besides, if she's been happily married this long she's got to know something about relationships.
[X] Go back to the spire and check in on Datu and Lyrros. You feel like warmed-up crap but hey, at least they seem to be getting along alright. Maybe it'll be the pick-me-up you need.
[X] Talk to Amina. Sure she's your employee but she's smart and capable, and shockingly insightful about you to boot. Maybe she can shake something loose you'd otherwise miss?
[X] Just go fucking drink. You don't know what to do and frankly you don't want to even try figuring out what to do right now. You just want to forget this day even happened, blaze through the back half of it in a blur, then start over next morning and see how that pans out.
[X] Go looking for a demonologist to check on whether everything Belial said was true. It's not that you don't believe him it's just... you want to believe there's still something you can do. Some new angle or subtle loophole.
[X] Go back to the spire and ask Abzu for their expert opinion. They're a wizard, and they've spent a good long time researching all sorts of things while waiting for their master to come home. Surely they'd have something to add?
Adhoc vote count started by ZerbanDaGreat on Nov 10, 2018 at 9:57 AM, finished with 3445 posts and 19 votes.
[X] Talk to Ilyana. Sure your relationship is more on the professional side, but Mother's dragged her into this already - and besides, if she's been happily married this long she's got to know something about relationships.
[X] Go back to the spire and check in on Datu and Lyrros. You feel like warmed-up crap but hey, at least they seem to be getting along alright. Maybe it'll be the pick-me-up you need.
[X] Talk to Amina. Sure she's your employee but she's smart and capable, and shockingly insightful about you to boot. Maybe she can shake something loose you'd otherwise miss?
[X] Just go fucking drink. You don't know what to do and frankly you don't want to even try figuring out what to do right now. You just want to forget this day even happened, blaze through the back half of it in a blur, then start over next morning and see how that pans out.
[X] Go looking for a demonologist to check on whether everything Belial said was true. It's not that you don't believe him it's just... you want to believe there's still something you can do. Some new angle or subtle loophole.
[X] Go back to the spire and ask Abzu for their expert opinion. They're a wizard, and they've spent a good long time researching all sorts of things while waiting for their master to come home. Surely they'd have something to add?
Adhoc vote count started by ZerbanDaGreat on Nov 11, 2018 at 1:56 AM, finished with 3450 posts and 20 votes.
[X] Talk to Ilyana. Sure your relationship is more on the professional side, but Mother's dragged her into this already - and besides, if she's been happily married this long she's got to know something about relationships.
[X] Go back to the spire and check in on Datu and Lyrros. You feel like warmed-up crap but hey, at least they seem to be getting along alright. Maybe it'll be the pick-me-up you need.
[X] Talk to Amina. Sure she's your employee but she's smart and capable, and shockingly insightful about you to boot. Maybe she can shake something loose you'd otherwise miss?
[X] Just go fucking drink. You don't know what to do and frankly you don't want to even try figuring out what to do right now. You just want to forget this day even happened, blaze through the back half of it in a blur, then start over next morning and see how that pans out.
[X] Go looking for a demonologist to check on whether everything Belial said was true. It's not that you don't believe him it's just... you want to believe there's still something you can do. Some new angle or subtle loophole.
[X] Go back to the spire and ask Abzu for their expert opinion. They're a wizard, and they've spent a good long time researching all sorts of things while waiting for their master to come home. Surely they'd have something to add?
Adhoc vote count started by ZerbanDaGreat on Nov 11, 2018 at 4:24 AM, finished with 3450 posts and 20 votes.
[X] Talk to Ilyana. Sure your relationship is more on the professional side, but Mother's dragged her into this already - and besides, if she's been happily married this long she's got to know something about relationships.
[X] Go back to the spire and check in on Datu and Lyrros. You feel like warmed-up crap but hey, at least they seem to be getting along alright. Maybe it'll be the pick-me-up you need.
[X] Talk to Amina. Sure she's your employee but she's smart and capable, and shockingly insightful about you to boot. Maybe she can shake something loose you'd otherwise miss?
[X] Just go fucking drink. You don't know what to do and frankly you don't want to even try figuring out what to do right now. You just want to forget this day even happened, blaze through the back half of it in a blur, then start over next morning and see how that pans out.
[X] Go looking for a demonologist to check on whether everything Belial said was true. It's not that you don't believe him it's just... you want to believe there's still something you can do. Some new angle or subtle loophole.
[X] Go back to the spire and ask Abzu for their expert opinion. They're a wizard, and they've spent a good long time researching all sorts of things while waiting for their master to come home. Surely they'd have something to add?
I live once more. And you can thank @Imrix in no small part for that - the guilt of the OP sitting gilded on the frontpage for all to see grew too much to bear
As an apology for coming back after such a long hiatus only to give you melodrama, have some art commissioned from the absolutely marvellous Voidshards which A) is my new Avatar and B) contributed greatly to my motivation.
[X] Talk to Amina. Sure she's your employee but she's smart and capable, and shockingly insightful about you to boot. Maybe she can shake something loose you'd otherwise miss?
Upon reading this update I have once again come to the conclusion that everyone in this story needs more hugs (with possible exception of the decapitated century old people-eater from the interlude, but I am willing to give him a hug if he somehow comes and asks me for it), even though hugs wouldn't really do anything to solve the problems.
As a fellow inexperienced idiot, I greatly relate to this moment.
[X] Just go fucking drink. You don't know what to do and frankly you don't want to even try figuring out what to do right now. You just want to forget this day even happened, blaze through the back half of it in a blur, then start over next morning and see how that pans out.
This doesn't solve any of Eldingar's problems either, but I am at a 120% loss as to what to do now. Much like Eldin, I imagine.
You throw all three empty bottles into the bay one after another. It feels good, too. Part of you almost wants a guard to come get on your case for littering so you can shout at him, make him feel small and helpless and insignificant before your overwhelming might. You turn to leave, scanning your surrounding with narrowed eyes, hunting for an excuse.
SMASH-SMASH, SMASH. All three bottles come rocketing back up out of the water, repelled by the purification enchantment the city council had put on the bay back in 1352, and shatter across the back of your head. You stand stock-still for what feels like ten minutes straight just... quivering with overflowing anger that has nowhere to go. And then all at once the tension leaves your body. Your muscles go slack, your fists unclench, and you just toss your head to feel the glass shards fall from your pure white curls. Yeah. That's about typical at this point. You don't know why you expected anything different.
I know this is a somber update but this bit just, killed me honestly
[X] Talk to Ilyana. Sure your relationship is more on the professional side, but Mother's dragged her into this already - and besides, if she's been happily married this long she's got to know something about relationships.
I was honestly thinking about going for the demonologist but then I figured a relationship counselor would probably work better considering all the flings Belial's probably had in the past. (Because I've played enough otome games to read a massive deflect and that's what this feels like)
