Crossing my arms, I looked out of the window at the star-streak effects of Star's warp field.
Even if I had started to try to wear more civilian clothing when I was Star, it felt... weird to not be in uniform.
Frowning to myself, I picked at my t-shirt.
Not like I was on duty, so I could get away with not wearing a uniform.
Dreamwalker and I were to leave in the morning. So far, things had been going well enough. I said goodbye to most people on board and I had been able to avoid...
"Stella."
I closed my eyes. T'Ro.
Almost made it. I bet Star had something to do with it.
"T'Ro." I answered softly as she moved up to stand next to me, looking out the window. "Please... do not take this the wrong way, but I do not wish to see you."
"Star believed that you should." she answered quietly. "Stella... look at me."
Half turning, I met her eyes before I quickly looked away. "It hurts."
T'Ro reached out gently and stroked my cheek. "I know. I am sorry, Stella."
Sniffling softly, I pulled her into a tight hug...as tight as I could without risking breaking something. "I'll miss you so much."
She held me in turn, running her fingers through my hair as I rested my head against her shoulder. "I know. Promise me that you will find somebody new. Not at once, but eventually. You deserve someone who can see you the way I do."
I pulled back slightly and gave her a weak smile. "Eventually. I promise."
Something told me it would take a long while. I couldn't see this pain fading anytime soon.
T'Ro nodded. "Good. I... was worried when it became clear you were avoiding me."
"I just knew it would hurt even worse if I talked to you. I had planned to leave a message before I left." I confessed before I sighed. "I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry."
Her lips twitched in one of those tiny smiles of hers and it was all I could do not to kiss her. Instead I looked out at the stars.
"Take care of Star."
"Of course. Stay in contact, I want to know how you are doing."
Sighing softly, I faced her again and moved close, giving her a small kiss on the cheek. "I will. Goodbye, T'Ro."
"Goodbye, Stella."
I looked after her as she left before I blinked a couple of times, my eyes burning as I turned back to look out the window, crossing my arms again. "I should punch you, you know." I told the empty air.
Star formed a hologram next to me. "You needed that and you know it. Besides, you would have done the same thing if our positions were reversed."
The worst thing? I knew she was right.
Damn it.
"...You could have shut down." Star said after a long moment. "After the crash to keep the remerge time as long as possible. It would have been possible then. Nobody would have blamed you if you did. James could have handled himself after you woke him up."
"...I could have. Everything went well this time, but what if it had not? Our prime responsibility is to keep our crew safe." I answered quietly, looking at her. "What if it the preliminary survey of the moon had been wrong and there were... flying piranha spiders around or something. What if I was turned on again when you arrived and he had been killed? What kind of ship would I be if I put my own wishes over the lives of my crew? I may not had been able to help much, but I could still keep watch when he slept and offered advice."
Star frowned at me and sighed, shaking her head.
She knew I was right.
"This sucks." Star said after a moment.
"...Yeah. Yeah it does. Badly." I chuckled softly before I looked at her again. "Take care of T'Ro?"
"Of course."
I smiled sadly at her. "Get going. I think that might have been as difficult for her as it was for me."
"Are you sure?"
Nodding I swallowed before I hesitated. "...What is Rachel doing? Is she busy?"
Star shook her head. "She is in her quarters, tending to one of her plants. Why?"
"I think I'm going to go cry on her shoulder for a while." I admitted.
Star gave me a sad smile and shimmered out of existence.
Glancing out at space again, I shook my head and headed towards the turbolift, the doors opening for me and I stepped inside.
I paused for a second to mentally pick the floor before I sighed. Oh yeah. I wasn't a ship. Like I could really forget, blind and deaf as I was.
Seriously, how could humans live like this? I can't even see subspace or gravity. Gravity! Come on!
AN// Many thanks to Grey Rook for betaing this section.
Even if I had started to try to wear more civilian clothing when I was Star, it felt... weird to not be in uniform.
Frowning to myself, I picked at my t-shirt.
Not like I was on duty, so I could get away with not wearing a uniform.
Dreamwalker and I were to leave in the morning. So far, things had been going well enough. I said goodbye to most people on board and I had been able to avoid...
"Stella."
I closed my eyes. T'Ro.
Almost made it. I bet Star had something to do with it.
"T'Ro." I answered softly as she moved up to stand next to me, looking out the window. "Please... do not take this the wrong way, but I do not wish to see you."
"Star believed that you should." she answered quietly. "Stella... look at me."
Half turning, I met her eyes before I quickly looked away. "It hurts."
T'Ro reached out gently and stroked my cheek. "I know. I am sorry, Stella."
Sniffling softly, I pulled her into a tight hug...as tight as I could without risking breaking something. "I'll miss you so much."
She held me in turn, running her fingers through my hair as I rested my head against her shoulder. "I know. Promise me that you will find somebody new. Not at once, but eventually. You deserve someone who can see you the way I do."
I pulled back slightly and gave her a weak smile. "Eventually. I promise."
Something told me it would take a long while. I couldn't see this pain fading anytime soon.
T'Ro nodded. "Good. I... was worried when it became clear you were avoiding me."
"I just knew it would hurt even worse if I talked to you. I had planned to leave a message before I left." I confessed before I sighed. "I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sorry."
Her lips twitched in one of those tiny smiles of hers and it was all I could do not to kiss her. Instead I looked out at the stars.
"Take care of Star."
"Of course. Stay in contact, I want to know how you are doing."
Sighing softly, I faced her again and moved close, giving her a small kiss on the cheek. "I will. Goodbye, T'Ro."
"Goodbye, Stella."
I looked after her as she left before I blinked a couple of times, my eyes burning as I turned back to look out the window, crossing my arms again. "I should punch you, you know." I told the empty air.
Star formed a hologram next to me. "You needed that and you know it. Besides, you would have done the same thing if our positions were reversed."
The worst thing? I knew she was right.
Damn it.
"...You could have shut down." Star said after a long moment. "After the crash to keep the remerge time as long as possible. It would have been possible then. Nobody would have blamed you if you did. James could have handled himself after you woke him up."
"...I could have. Everything went well this time, but what if it had not? Our prime responsibility is to keep our crew safe." I answered quietly, looking at her. "What if it the preliminary survey of the moon had been wrong and there were... flying piranha spiders around or something. What if I was turned on again when you arrived and he had been killed? What kind of ship would I be if I put my own wishes over the lives of my crew? I may not had been able to help much, but I could still keep watch when he slept and offered advice."
Star frowned at me and sighed, shaking her head.
She knew I was right.
"This sucks." Star said after a moment.
"...Yeah. Yeah it does. Badly." I chuckled softly before I looked at her again. "Take care of T'Ro?"
"Of course."
I smiled sadly at her. "Get going. I think that might have been as difficult for her as it was for me."
"Are you sure?"
Nodding I swallowed before I hesitated. "...What is Rachel doing? Is she busy?"
Star shook her head. "She is in her quarters, tending to one of her plants. Why?"
"I think I'm going to go cry on her shoulder for a while." I admitted.
Star gave me a sad smile and shimmered out of existence.
Glancing out at space again, I shook my head and headed towards the turbolift, the doors opening for me and I stepped inside.
I paused for a second to mentally pick the floor before I sighed. Oh yeah. I wasn't a ship. Like I could really forget, blind and deaf as I was.
Seriously, how could humans live like this? I can't even see subspace or gravity. Gravity! Come on!
AN// Many thanks to Grey Rook for betaing this section.