Frakir's brother
Goodbye.
- Location
- The Sea of Trees
Oh, Lisa got E4, and is now an elemental. I like that mechanic, that mortals that raise their essence above three become a spirit.
Not exactly, I think. 3E treats E4 and E5 as "Elder" Essence ratings. She may be E2, or thereabouts imo.Oh, Lisa got E4, and is now an elemental. I like that mechanic, that mortals that raise their essence above three become a spirit.
But doesn't Sorcery, as a require E3 and Occult 5? It's within possibility, and if anyone could do it, she could.Not exactly, I think. 3E treats E4 and E5 as "Elder" Essence ratings. She may be E2, or thereabouts imo.
From what I understand any sorcery requires prep time. The flame thing seems like a charm to me, and becoming an elemental is one possible effect of raising your essence too high.She doesn't have to be an Elemental to do what she's done. Simpler if she's just* a sorcerer.
*for a given value of 'just'
No, Snowfire is using 3E's sorcery paradigm. 3E mortal sorcerers don't need to have enlightened essence, and only need Occult 3. Instead, you have to undergo some form of sorcerous initiation and buy a 5-dot merit. That gets you:But doesn't Sorcery, as a require E3 and Occult 5? It's within possibility, and if anyone could do it, she could.
From what I understand any sorcery requires prep time. The flame thing seems like a charm to me, and becoming an elemental is one possible effect of raising your essence too high.
Other possibilities include: godhood, becoming a first circle demon, and becoming a Raksha. Becoming a greater dead requires dying and becoming a ghost.
This is probably the best paragraph I can find to demonstrate this problem. Lisa's entire point of view, from her narration to her dialogue, is incredibly stiff, overly formal, and slightly stilted. And very out of character. You use writing conventions that a person wouldn't ever think or speak like unless they were doing it intentionally, and it just doesn't sound like Lisa at all.
Nothing specifically wrong with this, but way too formal. There's not even a contraction from "I will" to "I'll" that would naturally happen with a real person speaking.
Unnatural writing conventions. You might talk like that as part of a prepared speech, but in any other situation it would just be "without delay or mercy", or something similar. Maybe even "immediately" instead of "without delay".
When have you ever heard someone say "such things"? Really? Only in prepared speeches and rich/fancy person talk, right? Normal people don't talk like that, even to their bosses.
Lack of contraction. Overly formal, very out of character. Unless you're English - the ethnicity, not the language - because they don't use a lot of contractions. But Lisa is American, so...
This is actually fine, though I'll suggest "know" as a low brow alternative to "understand", since we're low browing it up.
Way too stiff, way too formal. Nobody talks like that, except maybe an elf.
Upon. Lack of conrtaction; would not > wouldn't. Too stiff overall.
And this is one single paragraph. The entire chapter reads like that. This isn't Lisa. This is some Tolkien elf reading from a script.
Blah.