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Devastation Comes In Big Packages [Planetary Annihilation/Multicross SI]

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Space Pirate. Hmmm..... Okay, a few things need to happen:

- Letter of Marque and Reprisal
It could of course be on behalf of some absolutely nobody planet in the middle of nowhere. Maybe this Jim Raynor Marshal of Mar Sara could write out one? Or better yet, get one from one of the Protoss factions against Amon and his pawns.

- Looting the Zerg
Considering the only thing of worth the Zerg really have is Booty, Kerrigan is of course kidnapped, wined & dined. Also told off for a few really stupid things. Any way to fix the stupid? Just ransoming back to the zerg or selling off to Jim (Five gold ducats, I tell you! Not a single less!) feels... limited, somehow.

- Show up just as a big space battle is about to start, and being a bit ambivalent on what side to shoot at
At least seem so to outside observers

- Steal ALL THE SHINIES
Zerg research base: Data? Stolen. Samples? Stolen. Computers? Stolen. Weapons? Stolen. Armor? Stolen. Radar tower? Stolen. Furniture? Stolen. Doors? Stolen. Beds? Yeah, you guessed. Actually, anything apart from shoes, rather minmalist clothes and parts of the base? Well, they won't see it again. Actually, this does explain nicely what will happen to all the Teldarim's stuff, anything Mengsk personally owns or uses, and anything Amon has laid a hand on, ever. Try to sell the Teldarim stuff to the other protoss factions, Mengsk' stuff to Jim, Kerrigan or any other revolutionaries.

Random Revolutionary #73: "Guys?"
HQ: "Yeah?"
#73: "I got us a new ride!"
HQ: "What do you... Oh f"¤#!! Mengsk flagship is incoming! Go to ground!"
#73: "No, it's cool, it's mine now!"
HQ: "...!"
#73: "Sure! I won it off this shady pirate guy. Watch me blink the lights! I'll park it by the old mine."

If ever asked why you're blowing up all the Zerg? It's because they don't have any bling to loot. Give the impression that this is a nobrainer, and more than enough of a Casus Belli for extermination.
 
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82 – Some Kind Of Piracy
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    • 82 – Some Kind Of Piracy​

    Ten thousand rifles barked out as spiked rounds tore through the scourge of the Korprulu Sector. In this case, not so much zerg as pirates. The New Trinidad pirates to be exact.

    "Get some more boys up here, damn it! I'm not going to lose out to fucking mercenaries!" roared a corpulent man who had stuffed himself in a blackened set of CMC armor.

    He punctuated his words by firing his own rifle at the advancing and seemingly endless charge of mercenary marines, though as of yet they seemed entirely fucking invincible somehow. He'd seen them walk out of craters left by siege tank rounds, Yamato blasts, and even a goddamn nuke somehow. Or maybe there were just that many of the damn things.

    "Boss, we're losing the station, and we've got more mercs coming in on the left flank!" screamed another marine who fired as well at the advancing green morass of marines.

    "God damn it! Do you fuckers know who I am? Huh!? We're the fucking New Trinidad Pirates, you shits, you can't do this!" the fat man roared, even as he watched the latest ring of bunkers and troops get out and out overrun.

    "Attention Bosco 'Skullbreaker' Teague," boomed a woman's voice so loud it made his teeth shake, "For your actions in the unlawful murder of the heiress to Angel Shipping, Jacqueline Angel, by order of the Dominion you are to be-,"

    "Aw shut the fuck up!" Bosco screamed again, despite the fact that the woman's voice kept speaking. "Will someone turn those damn speakers off? I'm tired of hearing this bitches voice over and over again!"

    The base was falling apart…it was all falling apart! Where had all of those battlecruisers come from, these mercenaries willingly throwing themselves into the hardest teeth he could muster and breaking through? Lines and trenches and tanks and mines and ghosts and nukes had done nothin' to them! The Dominion didn't have this shit. They weren't supposed to be able to do shit like this!

    "Uh, boss," his subordinate jabbed him in the arm, and he almost backhanded the cunt before she managed to step out of the way.

    "WHAT?! Don't you see we have a battle to win!?"

    But then he followed the pointing of her fingers at the trio of mushroom clouds that literally vaporized his entire right flank…as well as the zerg who had been there. The question as to how there were supposed to be zerg mercenaries was seemingly permanently ended there as well. Then, before the clouds and fires even finished burning out came another wave of marines, that same eerily silent charging force with the same jungle green paint.

    "Fuck."

    "Boss, we gotta get out of here before they kill every one of us!"

    Bosco snarled, his heart pounding, as he contemplated shooting the bitch in the face. Fuck, he barely even remembered her name. Some…captain or another, part of his fleet, his subordinate crews and ships.

    "You think we're going to get through that?!" he waved his gun at the dozen battlecruisers that had appeared in orbit. "Fuck me right in the ass, they blew our ships out of the water, and where the hell are those siege tanks?!"

    The last part was bellowed at anyone in hearing range, though the fires and explosions everywhere had deafened many.

    "There aren't any!" screamed the captain at his side, 'boss' having dropped entirely out of her vocabulary at that point. "We're out of tanks, we've only got a few ships left, the bunkers are falling, damn near everything is on fire you fat fuck! I'm getting out of here!"

    Bosco roared at the insult and whirled, ready to shoot the bitch, but even as he sighted on her and pulled the trigger while she turned and ran – the coward! – he was knocked on his side by a nearby explosion. His ears range, his body sluggishly responding to him trying to get on his feet, before the shattered helmet was somehow wrenched off of his head and sent flying away.

    "God damn," he slurred, "This fucking smoke…"

    Then he heard new voices, at dangerously close range but even as he blearily groped around or a gun or…or anything they kept talking.

    "Right, so that was the end of the Brood War. UED force got wiped out, Protoss had to skedaddle so they can try and rebuild, and Dominion ran off too. Leaving Kerrigan as 'Queen Bitch' as it were.," came a man's voice, his voice twanging like someone from out in the Sara sector.

    "…so. Essentially, fuck Arcturus Mengsk," a woman – the woman's voice on the speakers! – replied with the same cold rage that his ex-wife had before he stabbed her to death.

    "Right, fuck Mengsk," the man said, and then there was a gut-wrenching tumbling sensation and Bosco found himself thrown onto his back again, this time hard enough to set his armor to shrieking and sparking as it broke all over the place. The sheer force also happened to completely shatter his jaw.

    Only then, on his back, did he get a good look at them. Gargling in his own blood, unable to move for some reason, his CMC screaming warning signals at him, he did the only thing he was able to.

    He spat his own bloodied teeth at them, the shards of bone only making it a short distance before the long rotten things fell to the ground.

    "Oh! There he is!" exclaimed the man with surprise, who strode over, his hands in the pockets of his green and black camo pants, with an unbuttoned and massively ornate jacket with golden epaulets on the shoulders as his only torso covering. Not even a shirt or shoes! "Be this him?" His voice changed as he spoke again, now in the worst stereotypical piratical accent that Bosco had ever heard.

    The woman though, she was actually dressed in some kind of…sweat pants and a shirt which in bold type stated 'Guns and Roses'. She, on the other hand, was wearing socks and sandals and how the fuck.

    "Graghggh," Bosco gurgled, to the quirked eyebrow of the man and the woman.

    "He is marveling at how I'm floating," the woman tapped the man on the shoulder before, indeed, floating over slightly. "What a monstrous little man. Decades of murder, pillaging, slaughter, theft…and other things," her face twisted with disgust as she spoke and – god damn it Bosco knew what she was.

    "Ghognngng!"

    Again he tried to flail, only to find his arms locked down, his legs pressed into the earth, his whole body starting to, slowly, be crushed into the metal ground. His mind! His body! Fuck, she was some kind of ghost!

    "Do you think I could be a ghost, Mann? He thinks I am one," the woman cocked her head at him like he was a bug and not the leader of the greatest pirate band in the Korprulu Sector, the fucking –

    Bosco's thoughts were drowned out by the sudden crushing pressure on his skull which forced a scream out of him and let the few remaining bits of his teeth cut their way down his throat, lubricated as it was with his own blood.

    "I dunno. Th' ghosts be kind of like yeh. Psychic commandos? But with guns and such and, on average, far less power, d'yarr. Nova blew up a skyscraper, Kerrigan can rip them apart…but…yeh can trow' big ol' carriers around too so who knows at this point. Anyway, yeh gonna let me take the' video or no?"

    The pressure on his skull eased, but only before the man lifted him up somehow with one arm!? The man's bright green eyes glittered slightly as he held Bosco up before throwing him against the burning ruin of a barracks wall. All this while, the mercenaries had continued to charge in, blowing apart his vultures and gunning down his own troops while the siege tanks kept pulling farther and farther back…apparently to no use. The man, 'Mann', the bitch had called him, swaggered his way forward before pulling out a camera behind him and setting it to floating behind him.

    "Is it – okay, is this going through properly?"

    "Yes. Yes indeed, Mann," came the wintery voice of the rich fuck who had told him he'd regret blowing that Angel cunt to pieces for trespassing.

    "Fnggngksdg," Bosco tried to say, coughing out more blood instead.

    "He is attempting to say 'Fuck You', Mr. Angel."

    "I understood the sentiment if not the words, young lady," the aristocratic shipping magnate replied, the audio crystal clear through the camera.

    "Anyway," Mann turned around, his coat whirling about him, the blood red cloth swooshing against Bosco's by now thoroughly ruined armor. "Mr. Angel, how would yeh prefer 'im? As yeh can see," the camera turned around, broadcasting the shattered ruins of the New Trinidad Pirates, "This organization is finished. We've blown up or commandeered the last of their ships, with zero escapees, and me boys are busy hunting down everyone else. Bosco here be the last of the leadership, and the top of it as well."

    "How much pain can you put him through before he expires?"

    "Quite a bit. Is that what yeh want?"

    "Yes."

    Bosco was actually grateful for all the smoke everywhere so he didn't have to see their expressions, though he certainly felt it when the pain began to radiate through his body. Any attempts to speak were reduced to wet screams as his armor was torn away from him, letting the various rolls of constrained fat flop outwards before his entire body began to tremble and quake.

    "Observe the' swelling."

    Bosco screamed.

    "Observe th' blood pouring from th' ears."

    Air refuse to escape, because there was none left to give.

    "Observe-,"

    And Bosco died, his entire body exploding in a massive eruption of blood, bile, booze, and bone.

    ======================================
    ​
    Dominic Angel did not flinch even for an instant as he watched the filthy degenerate vermin die through the camera. In fact, he almost shivered with pleasure as it happened. Almost. He had too much self-control to do that. But there was most certainly some visceral satisfaction at seeing the man dead. For a moment, his merely extended a finger to press the button allowing the video to reverse itself so he could watch it happen again. And again. Though after the third time he ceased and focused himself on the matter at hand.

    "So, has our work been satisfactory, Mr. Angel?"

    "I do not know where you came from, Captain Mann, or your companion, or your forces. But you have given me my revenge, and at a much more affordable price than any of the others mercenary forces."

    "Dominion still employed their own though," Mann stuck his finger in his ear as he spoke, wriggling it slightly before pulling it out with a pop. "Bet that they're regretting that."

    "It does not matter to me. The payment, in minerals as you requested, has been delivered to your flagship."

    Mann smiled, then, his teeth near sparkling with their incongruous cleanliness. Through the recording, Dominic watched as he produced a black and gold trimmed tricorn hat from somewhere and plopped it on his head. The three rainbow colored feathers were almost completely obscured by the jewel encrusted belt of gold that had been wrapped about the top, but Dominic controlled himself from making any audible noises of his disgust at the sudden appearance of the monstrosity. Killing the man who murdered his daughter did admittedly grant Mann a considerable amount of leeway.

    "Excellent doin' business with yeh, Mr. Angel," the man bowed slightly before the camera feed shut off.

    Dominic then very slowly rose from his desk, and moved over to a nearby stand where a bottle of wine was waiting. He poured two glasses, though only took one for himself before raising it towards the night sky above him.

    "To you, my daughter. To you."

    ====================================
    ​
    "DUDE! We be back, me hearty cow lass – ow!" Mann didn't actually feel pain like she did, Yuriko knew, but it still felt good to throw a fifty-pound dumbbell at his skull as they reappeared in Cow Bay 01.

    "For god's sake, Mann, knock off the accent," she grumbled as she walked past, the dumbbell already flying back out of Cow Bay 01 to Yuriko Bay 01.

    For a time, she had struggled with leaping from Guy to Mann. With the changes in his personality, it was strange for her to think that just a short few months before that he had been a different person. Mann was…more boisterous. Violent as well. But for the most part, if she was honest with herself, he really was a generally more cheerful person now.

    "Alright alright, heh, I was just having a bit of fun with it. What do you think of the hat?"

    She couldn't help it, her hands instinctively went to her hips as she floated and glared at him.

    "That thing is ridiculous. Why the feathers, and the gold, and the jewels?"

    Mann shrugged.

    "Snazzy pirate captain hats are cool."

    "It is absurd."

    "Moo!"

    "See! Dude agrees!" she gestured at the cow as it meandered over.

    "With me," Mann said as he rubbed Dude's head. He flopped his hand around at the entire bay that could have, considering the original design, been an entire troop bay built for deployment. "I built this whole place for her! It's got grass, it's got a babbling brook of fresh water, I can accurately reproduce the weather effects in here, the projectors make it a damn near holodeck, it's got a sun, why would Dude ever not agree with me – that's real cold, Dude."

    The cow had, during his speech, wandered away and nuzzled at her outstretched hand. She allowed herself a rather smarmy smirk at the almost comically disheartened look on Mann's face.

    "She likes us because we feed her. I keep telling you that you can't keep attributing too much intelligence to her. She's not a dog or dolphin."

    Mann waved her words off, seemingly as always when it came to Dude.

    "Fine, fine," he dusted the non-existent dust off from his pants before striding over, the bottom of his coat dragging along the ground. "Anyway, you were wondering why we went through this instead of other stuff?"

    "Yes, explain to me why we went through this at all?"

    Mann didn't even blink as his legs bent to allow him the illusion of sitting on air while she herself floated cross legged on her own psychic energies.

    "We needed to get our name out there first, just a little bit of legitimacy. A quick buck besides as well. Plus I wanted to test out our robo-marines."

    "So…because you were bored?" she frowned.

    "They used siege tanks on an innocent woman," Mann leaned forward, his eyes almost hooded beneath the giant hat he wore. "They were the most widespread and vicious pirates in Korprulu, had gone on for decades. We put a stop to that. Is that not enough?"

    She bobbed slightly before giving him a slight nod.

    "No, it is. I…agree with our deeds there. I was just wondering at your reasoning. What's next for..." she sighed at the name, "MannCo, otherwise known as Mann Incorporated Solutions?"

    Mann shrugged, the faint energy she'd seen behind his eyes fading away to leave his eyes 'human' once more disappearing as he leaned back. The sheer silence of his metal innards still shocked her on some level, but thankfully she was growing more used to it.

    "Couple of things. One, we bounce by Umoja to poke about at their technologies, go hunt down some more pirates and such throughout Korprulu," he put up a hand to stop her from speaking, "For money. Bounty hunting, basically. Also running through some uninhabited systems for minerals, resources, etc."

    She couldn't help it, she put her face in her hands and groaned.

    "How is this being a pirate? We're being like…the Punisher or something? Taking down criminals, using up their resource for ourselves?"

    Mann cackled loudly, and she looked up at him as he leaned back and laughed harder, enough for his hat to fall off his head.

    "Ahah! Ah…oh, Yuriko, we aren't going to be pirates for humans…except for maybe a few Dominion stuff when they start getting into real assholery. But it's only 2501. Shit isn't going to really go down for another three years. And frankly," Mann stood then, and shrugged down at her from his annoying seven feet. "The Dominion, at the moment, is doing the work of rebuilding the damage wrought across the sector. Humanity could use the work they're doing…for now. For the most part. And we have to remember that while Mengsk and a worrying amount of the leadership are total assholes, the majority of the polity are just…people."

    Then he gestured, and a protoss like he'd shown her images of before appeared…only this one was covered in black armor, red light gleaming from the frame.

    "Which is why we're going after someone else. A nation built around near-enslavement of their own citizens in a fucked up caste system, brutal warfare, allegiance to Amon, murder, and devastation."

    Yuriko floated closer and began to examine the wicked wrist mounted blades on the holo-image, her knowledge of Amon already letting her admit that anyone serving was insane, evil, or both. Or at least 'worth smacking a bit', as Mann had said earlier about the 'Xel'Naga'.

    "Let me introduce you to the polity that is about to suffer from our piracy."

    Several more images popped up, of war machines, minimized images of ships, and more. Dude walked through one of them, uncaring, which rather ruined the menace of the machine's look, but even so the rest were sufficiently deadly looking.

    "These are the Tal'darim, the Chosen of Amon. We're going to be planting a bit of a boot up their collective asses."
     
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    • I actually do think this, by the way. Korprulu was in such bad shape, Dominion in shambles, after Brood War, that they had to resort to mercenaries for stuff for a chunk of time there. Kerrigan really fucked shit up, as did the UED. It needs time to rebuild. And with Kerrigan already in Queen Bitch mode, Raynor going about his stuff, and blah blah, a lot of the more major preventative stuff is up and gone at this point to do. So instead of ruining that stuff, Mann's decide to go pirate on the Tal'darim's butts.
     
    You know if Dude was a bull instead of a cow you could put it in Terran Marine Power armor and set the stage for the Tauren Marine Easter Egg from mission 2 of Starcraft 2 Wings of Liberty.
     
    torroar said:
    I actually do think this, by the way. Korprulu was in such bad shape, Dominion in shambles, after Brood War, that they had to resort to mercenaries for stuff for a chunk of time there. Kerrigan really fucked shit up, as did the UED. It needs time to rebuild. And with Kerrigan already in Queen Bitch mode, Raynor going about his stuff, and blah blah, a lot of the more major preventative stuff is up and gone at this point to do. So instead of ruining that stuff, Mann's decide to go pirate on the Tal'darim's butts.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    What a fancy and roundabout way to say "BOY I SURE AM LOOKING FORWARD TO MANN FUCKING ALL THAT STUFF UP BY ACCIDENT!" :V
     
    ...if you blow up their terazine deposit from orbit, Mr. Mann, you will be hearing from my lawyers.

    Sending a team of nine eccentric, elite mercenaries (who are Certainly Not Robots) to push explosives along a rail into the deposit is perfectly acceptable.

    :D

    Have fun storming the Tal'darim Territories!
     
    TikiTau said:
    ...if you blow up their terazine deposit from orbit, Mr. Mann, you will be hearing from my lawyers.

    Sending a team of nine eccentric, elite mercenaries (who are Certainly Not Robots) to push explosives along a rail into the deposit is perfectly acceptable.

    :D

    Have fun storming the Tal'darim Territories!
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    No, no.
    Mr. Mann will steal all their terazine booty. Suddenly, but with spectacular enough diversion.
    One moment Tal'darim were fighting robomarines, next pirates retreated and they are about to congratulate themselves for victory, only to discover that they got no terazine.
    None at all. Anywhere.
     
    So how useful is Zerg biology to Mr. Mann? I mean, even if he can't get the self evolution properties, the self healing was something the terrans wet able to duplicate themselves.
     
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