It's mom. You should probably answer, or she'll be worried. And when she gets worried, she starts calling even more. You reach over to drag your tea mug closer, then lift your phone and answer.
"Hi, mom."
"Hey, Hanako. It's mom. I was just calling to check up on you…" Unsaid is that she knows you're having a hard time. That she knows about your break up and is worried about you. For some reason that just makes you feel a little sick in your stomach. A winding knot of unhappy anxiety. Why is she worried? You're fine. You're fine. You and Erika decided this was what you both wanted eventually so that made it mutual. You were fine. You were
fine and people checking on you just made you feel like that wasn't true somehow. You realized that while you had been wrapped in your own head, you had been silent.
"Hanako? Are you there? I just wanted to see how you were," she says and you realize that you should probably say something back. Oof.
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Probably gonna have breakfast here soon." You looked at the bowl of reheated rice that was probably going to cool as you talked. That counted as breakfast. Food seemed just like a thing you did to keep going at the moment. You hadn't had the energy to cook anything fancy and had mostly been eating convenience store food, rice, and eggs with a few veggies thrown in. Usually you liked fish, but… cooking it seemed like a lot of work right now. You didn't want to talk about yourself. Better deflect.
"How are things at work?" you asked. Mom had gone back into the career world when you were a kid, since your dad worked from home and she'd been living the salarywoman life as long as you could remember. Which meant she was busy--though she did her best to keep involved with your life, which in hindsight had been nearly a disaster. You appreciated having her around though. Mostly.
"Oh, it's been fine. It's just been a lot of work getting adjusted to the new position. Can you imagine it? Me, your old mother, vice president of Finance! They're saying if I keep up the good work I might get into an executive position sometime, but I think I'll probably be retired before then," she says, laughing. "It's all a lot to keep up with these days. Always someone younger and hungrier trying to climb the ladder over you. I'll be happy to hit thirty years and retire."
"Mom, that's at least fifteen years to go still," you said, smiling. "I mean, if you don't count the time before I was born."
"I don't! I was at a different company and I took seven years off after you were born. I was lucky to get back into the workforce, you know!" There's a faint sigh over the phone and you can tell that she's in her feelings a little. At least you weren't talking about your own feelings right now.
"Sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed home," Mom adds after a moment. "That maybe I was a bad mother because I went back to work."
"Mom, no," you've had this conversation a few times. And you're sure she's had it with dad over and over and
over as well. "You were a good mom. We had some rocky times but even with work you did everything you could to support me and be there for me." It feels weird to say that, considering how rough it had been in high school, but you have an appreciation for your mother, especially now that you have a bit of distance.
"I know, I know. I just worry." You were a lot alike that way. She was still speaking. "Anyway, your father says hello. He has that new building he's working on, for the senior living center out in the suburbs? He keeps joking about how he's going to make it so nice that we'll want to move there, but I keep telling him we're not nearly that old yet! The nerve of that man." Yep, that sounded like dad. You laughed. It felt good to laugh.
"You're as bad as he is," your mom said. "Oh, right… that reminds me. We're going to be going to see your grandparents this summer. So please remember to mark some time on your calendar! I'll let you know the date specifically when we get a little closer."
"Yes mom, I know." Seeing your grandparents was a yearly ritual. You didn't know why she felt like she had to remind you. It was just a mom thing, you guessed. You sighed. Your food was getting cold, but… honestly, you didn't feel hungry.
"Anyway, what are you having for breakfast?" That was a mom question for sure. The rapidly cooling bowl of rice stared up at you and you wondered if you should lie.
"Rice and eggs, nothing fancy," you finally said.
"Well, it's good that you're having something. Have you thought about maybe finding a new apartment?" The question felt like being punched in the gut. You knew she was trying to be supportive, trying to nudge at you and find out what your mental state was. Still, even as an oblique way of doing things it
hurt. Did you want a new apartment? This place had been home for almost three years now and it… well, you weren't sure how you felt about it now.
[ ] Yeah, I don't know if I can really stay here much longer: Open up to mom a little about how you're feeling about the break-up.
[ ] No, no. I don't think I really need that. Having my own space is kind of nice: Shut down the discussion. You don't want to talk about this, you don't want to talk about Erika, you don't want to have to think about what it would mean to leave.
[ ] Change the subject: Run away from the question entirely.
[ ] Write-in: Subject to QM veto.
QM Note: So, I know nuclear engineering won the vote, but I know literally nothing of this field and don't really know how I'm going to incorporate it into the quest at all. I am a humanities nerd, not a STEM nerd. T_T So I might have to give it to the runner up instead.
