Botes & Boatgirls

[CompassJimbo]

So, about a year back, when Kantai Collection: The Greatest Generation was in full swing, one of the people in the now-dead spoiler thread wrote an omake where the characters from the story played World of Warships, focusing on the resulting madness in the chat. Thanks to @Icywinter, it took off and formed it's own thing, which unfortunately was sidetracked with shipping and waifu shenanigans, and died off. Hopefully we can keep our goddamn focus this time around, yeah? Anyone with a World of Warships account can feel free to contribute to this snip-dump, considering almost everyone on this site who plays it is also familiar with KanColle.

Chat format:
The bulk of the story comes from the madness that results when a shipgirl from KanColle gains access to a keyboard and WoWS, and I hope to imitate the chat as much as possible, so the format is as follows:

PLAYER (your in-game username), [VESSEL] (any ship in the game as of whatever's the current patch when you write your snippets (current patch: 0.5.6, including premiums such as Warspite, Texas, and Atago), and (TIME): Text, so:
CompassJimbo [Cleveland] (18:27): Testing, one, two!

• GOLD marks yourself and divisionmates.
• BLUE marks players on your team.
• RED marks enemy players.
• ORANGE marks chat from other services (e.g.; Skype, Steam, Discord, etc.)
• Open chat messages are white. Team and division messages are the same colors as, well, teams and divisions. Enemy team-only messages cannot be seen for obvious reasons.

Example: (Open chat) CompassJimbo (Cleveland) (19:30): Testing, one, two!
(Team/Division only) CompassJimbo (Cleveland) (19:30): Testing, one, two!
(Other services) CompassJimbo (19:45): Testing, one, two!


Again, let's try and keep the waifu stuff to a relative minimum.

 

[NuclearNickel]

Ohohoho.
Dis gun b gud.

 

[theJMPer]

Fourty-Six-MasterRace(19:45): I, MUSASHI, am looking for some Tier X games. Need allies. Yamato's so underpowered it's not even funny. WG plz buff, she's practicality unplayable.
KatiezForDayz(19:48): Mushi, shut the fuck up. Did you see what the did to my fucking powerplant? I can do fucking thirty-goddam-five knots. But nooooooooo. Fucking Ruskies, man.

 

[CompassJimbo]

Playerlist:

Regular Joes:
@MissingJimbo (CompassJimbo)
@Icywinter (Winterpwner)
@Breakaway25 (natch)
Lt_Com_McHale (Father of the user below, interestingly enough)
(@Trace Coburn) PettyOfficerRalston

Shipgirls:
USS New Jersey (Katiezfordayz)
Musashi (Fourty-Six-MasterRace)
USS Wisconsin (Cheeseboat)
Ashigara (HungryLupus)
USS O'Bannon (Taters450)
USS Nicholas (FRAMCan1)
Yamato (ChrysanthemumHotel7445)
Mizu_Idoru_no_Kantai (Naka)
HeavenlyDragon1912 (Tenryū)
PrecisionCarnage (Kirishima)
Yokosuka_BigSeven (Nagato)
SoaringSilver (Shōkaku)

 

[Icywinter]

Wisky scratched her head as the results screen came up. "What on earth..." the bespectacled brunette muttered to herself. She smoothed out her dress and adjusted her glasses again.

Nope, she wasn't seeing things. A defeat, and yet over three hundred thousand damage had been inflicted on the enemy team. Five kills. Kraken Unleashed.

She let out a sigh as she slumped backward into her seat. Results like these were depressingly common, and even if she was a battleship of the United States Navy and a very skilled player, not to mention using her own hull-type ferchristsakes, she was unable to carry the team to victory.

"Are you going to continue, Wisky-san?" the quiet rumble of her other divisionmate asked.

"Yeah, Musashi, just give me a minute," Wisky replied, her own soft contralto barely above a whisper. Yet the Japanese woman heard her, grunting out an affirmative as her indicator light flicked towards 'Ready'.

She loaded up flags, painted on camouflage, and took a big, long sip from her now ice-cold coffee, and pressed 'Battle!' at the top of the screen.

Maybe this time she'd do better.

*
​

Three minutes into the game, and she was wondering again why there were so many bots on her team, and none on the enemy team. Musashi and her were in their respective ships; the second Yamato-class battleship was -- of course -- in a Yamato, while Wisky herself was in her Iowa. Musashi was busy belting out the lyrics to Space Battleship Yamato 2199's theme over the coms, and Wisky was humming along, trying to ignore the fact that they were wildly out of position, and probably going to lose this game as well.

The two girls had three kills between them: herself claiming two and Musashi claiming one. Musashi's Yamato was relatively heavy, suffering from only one torpedo hit that hit her torpedo bulge head-on and only did something like seven thousand damage.

Yes, Wisky had to remind herself. Wargaming was evidently very Yamato-biased.

Still, her speed was fine if she plopped Juliet Charlie flags onto her ship. She was doing a stately thirty-two knots, almost pushing thirty-three as she drove her ship towards their cap. They passed through what one relatively famous Youtube commentator called 'The Trunk' on North, coming within visual range of their cap.

And the rest of the entire enemy team, it seemed like. Wisky let out a surprised yelp as hundreds of rounds streamed toward her, and the brunette winced as some of them struck home and hard, knocking her down from her seventy-nine thousand to only forty thousand hitpoints.

She winced even more as torpedoes appeared on her screen.

This wasn't a good day to be Wisky.

Quickly pushing down hard on her 'A' key, she managed to bring the bulk of her battleship pointed toward the torpedoes, and she quickly threaded her bow through the gap in the spread, averting certain doom. She quickly switched back to her binoculars view, and let out a sigh of relief.

Now that was over, she can focus on killing the rest of these ships. Picking out the closest ship in the cap, she selected the broadside-on Amagi-class battlecruiser as her target. Yelling out 'Fire!' over her comms, her six forward-facing sixteen-inch rifles sang out their song of fire and metal, slinging certain death and murder at the foolish battlecruiser. She watched as the shells flew true, the dispersion granting her wishes and completely blowing the Amagi out of the water with a quadruple-citadel hit.

Things like that were completely unheard of, and Wisky was completely floored.

"Hey, Wisky, stop slacking off! That was just the beginning!"

Musashi's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she gasped as the turned her view towards the Japanese battleship.

She was on fire. All four parts of the battleship were on fire, and she had closed into the enemy fleet, her secondaries firing wildly as she plowed straight into an unfortunate destroyer, slicing it in half as Musashi kept on going, her massive eighteen-inchers thundering out six rounds of Thor's fury. The rounds punched through the bow of an enemy Montana, critically damaging her and earning a not very polite response from the fellow commanding the vessel.

Brick402 [Montana] (22:04) : WHAT THE F###
Fourty-Six-MasterRace [Yamato] (22:04) : STAY SALTY YOU FILTHY GAIJIN
Fourty-Six-MasterRace [Yamato] (22:04) : GO HOME
Fourty-Six-MasterRace [Yamato] (22:04) : FILTHY GAIJIN GO HOME
Brick402 [Montana] (22:05) : F### YOU C##KSUCKER

Wisky raised an eyebrow. "'Sashi, is your Caps Lock key jammed on?"

"Nah, I just like to mess with them and throw them off even more. Finish him off for me, please. I need about twenty more seconds to reload."

"Roger." Wisky quickly switched targets to the Montana that Musashi had just pimp-slapped for forty-thousand damage. Her guns whirred, and she smiled to herself as her turret recticles lined up and turned green. Her guns were ready. She clicked her mouse twice, all of her guns discharging into the side armour of the tier ten American battleship. She frowned as the battleship split in half. Sure it was just a game, but...

She shook her head. It was just a game. She wasn't killing her own countrymen. "Reloading. Twenty-eight seconds and counting."

"Guns up," Musashi said. "Say hello to my little friends!"

Her little friends were nine eighteen-inch rounds that completely gutted yet another battleship, the warship quickly capsizing and breaking into two as it sank beneath the sea.

"Whoo!"

"We're not done yet!" Wisky reminded her. But the tides were definitely turning, and things were looking up.

Which is why the game suddenly decided to even the odds. A klaxon sounded in both girls' ears, and they both groaned at the same time: A typhoon alert had just come out, and the sunny skies of North were quickly turning black as storm clouds drifted in from over the horizon.

"Shit. Just what we needed, eh, Wisky?" Musashi growled. "Visibility's going to go to--"

"I know," Wisky snapped. She turned her ship hard to starboard as another wall of torpedoes streamed towards her, threading her bow in-between them and narrowly dodging the long-lances that were certainly going to ruin her day. She clicked her mouse twice and silenced a heavy cruiser, shredding it just as the typhoon arrived, quickly filling the screen with rain, wind, and silence.

The minimap went silent. The red icons on it turned into outlines, then disappeared entirely.

Only Musashi and she remained.

"Damn it," she cursed.

Cheeseboat [Iowa] (22:09) : Welp. Guess radar doesn't work here.
Fourty-Six-MasterRace [Yamato] (22:10) : HA, TAKE THAT AMERIKANER

Wisky could here Musashi cackling over Discord.

"I swear to god..." the brunette flushed, embarrassed and also slightly annoyed.

The tanned Japanese woman laughed even harder.
​

*
​

The battle dragged on for several more minutes as the two battleship girls sat with bated breath, Wisky drifting doughnuts in the enemy cap circle, and Musashi patiently waiting in their cap circle. Wisky was eyeing her minimap when the victory chime surprised her, making her fall out of her chair in shock.

They'd won.

"W-What!?" she shouted, scrambling to her feet and sitting down back in her chair. "What-What the...?"

"We won," Musashi said, a trifle bit smug. "And the four remaining ships were probably pissing their pants."

They'd won...

Wisky let out a shaky sigh. "I-I think that's enough for one night," she muttered.

"Really?" Musashi's voice held no malice: normally Wisconsin would be able to shrug off losses and victories like they were nothing. But today? "Wait, Wisky, what's wrong?"

"I just need a break. I-I think I might be burnt out."

Musashi sighed, her voice travelling halfway around the globe to Wisky's ears. "Okay. Just... take care of yourself, alright?"

Wisky smiled to herself. It was rare to see the Japanese battleship show any kind of care for anything that wasn't Japanese. "Thanks, 'Sashi," she said in reply.

She turned off her computer a few minutes after that, and flopped down onto her bed and sighed.

She needed to play something that wasn't as stressful as tier nine.




​

 

[CompassJimbo]

I'm home alone, my family having gone to a bonfire out in the middle of the Boonies. It's always slightly odd, having the house to myself. So damn quiet, without my mother and sisters around, talking about stupid things people we know did, or complaining about fools at work, or new websites to buy cheap clothes from.

They were girly girls, alright, and I won't complain. Of course, I suppose the things I hear them talk about now will come in handy whenever I get married. It sometimes crosses my mind, even if I'm not lonely. Still, it was time for more manly things, namely, blowing things up.

I hop on the computer and boot up World of Warships. A new update is on the horizon, including weather effects and much-needed optimization. To see my boat trudging through squalls, rain washing the decks, visibility piss poor… it looks to be awesome!

The port screen pops up, my reasonable selection of ships lining the bottom of the screen, from the Bogatyr to the Atago, I'm in a position to do most anything.

I decide to break out my Pensacola. People say she's shit, but if you can dodge and load the AP markers, she'll hit like a truck against battleships, and a freight train against cruisers. I stick on a few flags stocked up from the April Fool's event and hit "Battle". A few seconds later, and I'm in a match. I notice that one of my counterparts is in an Arpeggio Myoukou. I wasn't able to get either her or the Kongou, shitty kill counts precluding that. It wasn't until a very lucky Anshan game that I finally learned how to git gud. Kind of.

The match loads up with barely a second on the countdown timer. It's a tier 8 match on Northern Lights, the Auroras ensuring that my ship and everyone else's is visible in the otherwise clear night skies.

HungryLupus (ARP Myōkō) (18:22): EVERYONE TREMBLE! VICTORY CALLS OUT TO ME!!
Davo2137 (Budyonny) (18:22): ive heard of this one
CompassJimbo (Pensacola) (18:23): Really?
Davo2137 (Budyonny) (18:23): hes a agresive player. like flamu
CompassJimbo (Pensacola) (18:23): I've heard of Flamu. As aggressive as he is competent. We'll see if this one can walk the walk, too.

I head around the western flank, supported by a Nagato and a Benson. I spot an enemy cruiser, a Kirov in a fail division, no doubt trying to prove how Stronk the Motherland is. I go bow on as he fires his AP at me, determined to bring me under the boot of the Red Navy. I take a hit on the chin as he shows me a broadside, hoping to get a few torpedoes off. They're short-range, only going out to four kilometers, and I'm seven away. I click the mouse, making the five 8"guns on the front of my cruiser bark and send a salvo of AP shells and Freedom downrange. I find his citadel and shave off more than half his health, the friendly Nagato finishing him off with secondary battery fire.

I creep around the island, scanning for more threats. A Colorado shows up and sends a salvo of 16" shells my way. While the thing is normally considered a joke, I've seen plays that resulted in impressive damage tallies.

"Shit!" I shout as I go bow in. Even the slightest amount of broadside and I'm going to suffer. Fortunately, dispersion proves to be a bitch to him and the shells miss.

HungryLupus: "Kraken Unleashed!"
HungryLupus (ARP Myōkō) (18:27): MORE! BRING ME MORE!
HungryLupus (ARP Myōkō) (18:28): I CAN SMELL VICTORY!!

I fire back at the Standard as the Nagato moves to engage, scoring a decent penetration and knocking out a secondary gun. I use the reload time to type out a response.

CompassJimbo (Pensacola) (18:24): Can you turn off caps lock? Victory doesn't require screaming at the top of your lungs.

I fire again at the Colorado, scoring another good hit, including a citadel as the range closes. Both our secondary batteries open up, causing both of our ships to catch fire. And then the battleship explodes as the Nagato nails and cooks off his magazines, only to eat a surprise spread of Long Lances.

"What the hell?" I mutter. Those were a pair of triple salvoes, and the enemy Hatsuharu was dead, which meant…

HungryLupus (ARP Myōkō) (18:30): Maybe you shouldn't taunt a hungry wolf~

The asshole opened up on me, high explosive setting my ship on fire as the secondary batteries on both our ships opened up. I fired another salvo of AP, and while I didn't nail his citadel, I still did a good chunk of damage and knocked out a torpedo tube.

HungryLupus (ARP Myōkō) (18:32): THAT HURT
CompassJimbo (Pensacola) (18:32): That wasn't even a citadel

I fired another salvo of AP while yet more HE shells slammed home. I nailed his citadel and sent him to a sliver of health as he began turning the ship around, which only meant one thing- he was preparing to fire torpedoes.

I swing the ship wildly, moving to throw off his aim, and unfortunately, throwing off mine in turn. I saw the Long Lances hit the water, the sonar blaring before finally going silent. I dodged them. I manage to get my guns on target and fire another salvo before he could swing the starboard launchers around, finishing the bastard off.

HungryLupus (ARP Myōkō) (18:34): Damn. Victory was my only pride.

I had to type up a snarky retort.

CompassJimbo (Pensacola) (18:35): Maybe you shouldn't taunt a Florida Woman.

I was sure that the asshole was typing out a response, although his parting words were something out of a boss battle. Someone capped the enemy base and the match ended, with me scoring a Fireproof medal. I had noticed that Lupus, however, had scored a Kraken, which I didn't even notice. Huh.

Something tells me that I'm going to be encountering more people like this in the future. Whatever the case, at least I turned a profit, which was nice.

Still, who was he, and why did he have my interest?

 

[Breakaway25]

It seemed like the days just kept getting longer and longer the closer I got to finals. After what seemed like forever, I finally stumbled back into my room. Then decided to do what I normally did in times like this, flash up World of Warships. Maybe we could even run a team battle if there were enough people on. Until then I decided to run my Ognevoi. While a decidedly Meh ship, the one it led to was much better, and I had gotten sick of losing money in my Fletcher.

Spawning in I took look at the team lists. Surprising no one, I was the only Ogi on either team. Not a lot of people finished the pain that was the Gnevny grind, so there weren't that many high tier Russian DDs floating around on the server. I saw that my only destroyer support was a Mahan div. I was intimately familiar with the Mahan from my own grind of that ship, and while it was a good ship, it was good in situations.

Normally I avoided in game chat, but I did make exceptions when I was in Russian ships.

Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:45): FOR THE GLORY OF RODINA!!
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:45): FOR THE US OF BYGOD A
FRAMCan1 (Mahan) (16:46): do you have to do that every single game?
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:46): Yes, why yes I do

The battle timer ticked off, and I began to move. But I deciding to get into the spirit of things and pressed on in the chat.

Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:47): Follow me tovarich, and we shall drive these capitalist dogs from the very seas!
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:47): You do realize I'm an American capitalist dog, right?
Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:47): So? So am I, I'm just getting into it. You've never done that before.
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:47): Oh, in that case...
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:48): DRIVE THEM BACK, JUST LIKE IN THE SLOT!!
FRAMCan1 (Mahan) (16:48): She's gonna go nuts now.
Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:48): Some of my best games have come from me going nuts.

Sure enough, the two Mahan's fell in behind me, doing their best to keep up with my faster ship. I started cutting a lazy back and forth tack to bleed off enough speed to let them keep up.

Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:48): It appears that once again glorious Soviet Technology reigns over inferior American copies.
JBR180 (Cleveland) (16:49): Superior OP tech you mean
Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:49): just until the turrets go out
FRAMCan1 (Mahan) (16:49): Or the engine.
Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:50): Eh...
Taters450 has achieved First blood
Taters450 has achieved Devastating Strike
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:50): TAKE THAT YOU SONSA BITCHES. DON'T SAIL AROUND A POINT NEXT TIME

While I had been talking, Taters had zipped around an island and got off a cheeky torp spread against a Mutsuki who had pushed way to far forward.

Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:50): I think I see what you meant by nuts...
FRAMCan1 (Mahan) (16:50): This isn't even her worst moment.
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:50): WHO ELSE WANTS SOME??
Bdun324 (Pensacola) (16:50): Jeez, enough with the caps loc already.
Taters45 (Mahan) (16:51): NEVER!!

I stopped paying attention to the chat as I focused on not dying, but like most of my games in the Ogy, this was not to be. A Farragut and a Nurnburg jumped me as I came around a corner, and while I was able to burn down the Farrgut, the Nurn nuked me with two salvoes, bringing that game to a screetching halt. Normally I would just quit back to port in a situation like this, but I decided not to this time for some reason.

FRAMCan1 (Mahan) (16:55): You shouldn't have pushed...
Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:55): I'm just going to plead new ship syndrome. Tend to focus more on US DDs...
FRAMCan1 (Mahan) (16:56): Oh really? Which's your favorite?

People actually trying to be friendly in chat and not yell/rant? What was this madness? I decided to keep the conversation going.

Breakway25 (Ognevoi) (16:55): Fletcher, though I'm not that good with her yet. Haven't quite learned how to handle her.
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:55): WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT MY SIS?

Wait what? Before I could respond to that, FRAMCan continued, seemingly ignoring her divmate.

FRAMCan1 (Mahan) (16:57): Really, well we might need to div sometime then.
Breakaway25 (Ognevoi) (16:58): Perhaps...
Taters450 has achieved "Devastating Strike"
Breakway25 (Ognevoi) (16:58): Jeez she really is on a roll.
Taters450 (Mahan) (16:58): MWAHAHAH FEED ME MORE.

It was not to be however, we won on points a few seconds later, and I was dumped back into the port screen. I would have to remember to send a PM to them, I needed someone to play high tier DDs with. I wondered why that was all I could think about.

 

[CompassJimbo]

After that odd match in my Pensacola, I decide to take out my Clemson. The thing proved to be a reliable seal clubber, and was absurdly fun to play. She frequently took a beating, but it didn't matter since I often sunk two or three enemy ships and made a good 100K credits in profit. Needless to say, I love her to death, and if an opportunity to fail division came up, I'd take her. Anything to hit a Yamato with her. Or a Midway.

The flags were raised and the match boots up, a two-cap domination match on New Dawn, and tier five at that. Nothing I can't handle. The bell rings and the match starts, and I'm soon off, ready to go all "SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER" on some poor Isokaze or Kawachi. Unfortunately, someone starts spamming the chat.

Dess_Star (Kongo) (18:44):The superdreadnought from Vickers has arrived! My battles shall win my admiral's heart, desu!
Dess_Star (Kongo) (18:45): BURNING! LOOVVVEEE!

I watched as a salvo of 14" shells flew across the map and nailed a friendly Myogi, sending him to less than 1/3 health.

CompassJimbo (Clemson) (18:45): Tiro! Finale!

I let loose a salvo of torpedoes against an enemy Wyoming, and the hand of Mami was guiding those things, because one of them cooked off his magazines as I slipped back behind an island.

LancerFlash (Gnevny) (18:46): Go home weeaboo!

Someone's salty. And look! He's popped up right in front of me and doesn't seem to be paying any attention! I zoom in and find those lethal 130s pointed the other way. I break left and dump half a salvo of torpedoes his way. He doesn't even dodge as they slam home and send him to the bottom.

Dess_Star (Kongo) (18:46): FIRE!!

I watch as another round of shells arc over me and hit the friendly Langley behind me. Every shell that hit was an overpenetration, however. High explosive would've put my team's carrier down. I spot the Kongo, and he spots me in turn, considering he's trying to get all of his guns to bear. I find myself right behind him and weave like crazy, closing to within three kilometers as I light him up with my 4" pop guns.

It isn't long before he burns.

CompassJimbo (Clemson) (18:48): How's that for burning love?

That seems to have infuriated him, because he manages to get his rear guns to bear and opens up. One shell hits me, but one is all he needs. It goes straight through the bow before exploding, knocking nine thousand hitpoints off of my ship.

Ow.

Now I really like this guy, considering he's giving me a chase. I dodge another salvo before returning the favor with a spread of torpedoes, only firing one of the two launchers to keep him on his toes. Two hit while the third misses, and my constant maneuvering is throwing his aim off and is keeping his secondaries from opening up and tearing me a new one.

Left! Right! Left! Right! Keep swinging that thing around, send screws his way, and boy it's a helluva life on a destroyer!

Adrenaline kicks in as the chase continues. I dodge salvo after salvo, returning with small-caliber shellfire and torpedoes and lighting a fire under his ass. He's forced to dodge considering how many torpedoes are in the water.

And then he finally nails me, but not before I put one last spread into the water, and he's turning right into them…

Dess_Star: "Detonation"
CompassJimbo: "It's Just a Flesh Wound!"

"Bullseye!" I shout excitedly.

CompassJimbo (Clemson) (18:52): Worth it!

I was proud of myself, even though I was sunk. Like, three or four kills and an exciting chase.

Dess_Star (Kongo) (18:52): Where did you learn to DODGE like that!?

Ah, curious to learn from a student of the Abridged Piccolo School, huh?

CompassJimbo (Clemson) (18:53): WASD hack. And staggering my torps.

The match rages on as he types up a response.

Dess_Star (Kongo) (18:54): Wait, I THINK you are the player Lupus ranted about. She wants to talk to you, dess!

"Lupus?" I ask myself, doing my best CIA Guy impression. And what's with that word? I watched enough anime to know that it's how you introduce yourself, but you don't say it in a regular sentence.

CompassJimbo (Clemson) (18:55): I'll call her up. Oh, and a hell of a chase you gave me. Was fun.
Dess_Star (Kongo) (18:56): No problem, dess!

I hop off the match, not caring if my team wins or loses. I had fun and will cut a profit either way, so it doesn't matter. I look up Lupus on the player search and find hi- excuse me, her soon enough. I send a message and wait for a response.

CompassJimbo (18:58): Hey, I'm the guy who nailed you in that one match. Someone by the name of "Dess_Star" said you wanted to talk to me.

The ball's in her court now.

 

[still_guns]

Spoiler: stuff

Hope I can post something here. The way I work, I'd write the whole battle's events, so this will be a two parter at the least. Do I need tell people who's who?

It wasn't often I played World of Warships. Other things always distracted me, be it chocolate, ASMR videos, or Morrisons sandwichs, such was my crappy lifestyle. But what good is such a lifestyle if you can't have fun from time to time?

And for once, I was actually going to have fun, since I was no longer grinding for the ARP Hiei, an absolutely torturous two months. Instead, I loaded up my favourite battleship, the Imperator Nikolai. Stronk Rrrussian bettlesheep will bring glory for Soviet Union!

After waiting an ice age for the game to load (thank Stalin the next patch would finally fix the huuugggeee loading times), I found myself on big race, in a tier 5 maximum game.

I scanned the team lists, taking note of my teams lack of battleships, two compared to the enemy teams four. We had more destroyers, but they were mostly Derzki's, with a single Clemson. As the clock ticked into the final seconds, I tentatively reached out to my team.

still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (-00:30): Okay guys, this is gonna be a hard fight. If I could ask for a DD escort perhaps?
E_X_E_C_U_T_O_R_2000 (Derzki) (-00:25): What do you need me for?
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (-00:18): Well scout ahead for one thing. We only have two BB's, you DD's and CL's are gonna have to put your backs into this
E_X_E_C_U_T_O_R_2000 (Derzki) (-00_15): No problem. I know what I'm doing, I'll make sure nothing gets past me
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (-00:14): Excuse me, You won't forget about me, will you?

I looked at the Myogi's strangely polite request (though mine was similarly polite), and pondered over it. It was no secret the Myogi wasn't a great ship, and the player at its controls seemed to be a bit insecure. I was about to ignore it, as I normally would, but another chat message popped up, this time from the enemy team

NosyParker (Kuma) (-00:12): Hey Look, it's Hotel!
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (-00:10): I'm not a hotel! Stop calling me that!
NosyParker (Kuma) (-00:08): If you hate being called that, why put it in your name? And the date as well?

Something clicked inside of me. I don't know what it was, but a part of me made me step in.

still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (-00:05): Oi, Mr NosyParker, knock it off. I can't stand it when someone gets picked on for whatever reason. Shut up, or I'll make you pay
NosyParker (Kuma) (-00:03): Hah! Or what? You may have a great big battleship, but I have torpedos, and boy do I know how to use them!

I shook my head in distaste. Having been bullied myself earlier on my life, I felt an intense hatred for anyone who acted in such a way. This 'NosyParker' person was already dead to me. Target marked, I'll get you one way or another!
As the battle began, I offered my aid to the victim of the abuse.

still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (19:59): Hey Chysanthemum, fancy sticking with me?
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (19:55): Are you sure? I don't want to impose
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (19:52): Nah, I don't mind. Anything to help out a fellow captain. 'Specially to get out of that thing and into the Kongo
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (19:50): Ship
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (19:52): Or ship, if that's how you roll
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (19:48): I'm heading East. Try to keep up! I'll cover you
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (19:45): OK. I'lll shoot the far away targets shall I?
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (19:43): World's your oyster, go for it. I'll keep your mid range clear of cruisers
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (19:40): You want NosyParker, or shall I?
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (19:32): You can have her. She may be rude, but she is my comrade. I could never take her life

What on Earth was Chrysanthemum talking about? This guy (girl?) seemed really naive, and was acting as if her actions within the game were taking place in real life as well. Perhaps NosyParker wasn't the only one with a few nuts and bolts missing.

As it happened, the two of us were on opposite sides of the map, so I had to chug along at quarter speed, while Chysanthemum (think I'll call her Chrys for short) and our Derzki escort powered towards the East. By the time they caught up, things were already against us. Our Clemson got first blood on the enemy Izyaslav, but he could have reckoned without the Russkies desperation torps and got obliterated himself just seconds later. Our other two Derzki's also promptly fell, being totally incompetent and launching their 3km torps at targets well out of range. Our friend NosyParker got them both. Three ships down, 9 left.

 

[CompassJimbo]

I had sent a message to the Lupus, wondering if I would get a response.

HungryLupus (18:59): Indeed. I was wondering how someone in a soda can could beat me so easily~

Curious about a simple defeat, eh?

HungryLupus (19:00): I hear those things are terrible ships.

CompassJimbo (19:00): It's a psuedo-spiritual thing. Pensacola's a Florida Woman. The more people you know from America's Australia you know, the better she performs.

HungryLupus (19:01): Florida Woman?

CompassJimbo (19:01): Look it up on Google. The Florida Man/Woman (Homo floridians) is one of the most dangerous species on the planet. They're known to do crazy things and not give a damn about them.

HungryLupus (19:03): You kind of denied my chance to go crazy myself~

I checked the results of the battle again.

CompassJimbo (19:05): You got a Kraken.

HungryLupus (19:05): But none of the other medals.

Probably Confederate and High Caliber.

CompassJimbo (19:06): ... Sorry?

HungryLupus (19:06): Considering you snatched victory from me, maybe you can join me? And perhaps voice chat?

Voice chat? Well, I was home alone, so…

CompassJimbo (19:07): I'm up for it. Have Skype and Discord.

My phone and earbuds were down here, saving me some hassle.

HungryLupus (19:07): Look me up on Skype. Same name, the one from Japan with an old ship. Should be easy for you to find.

CompassJimbo (19:09): Right, I'll get to that. I'm under the same name as here, too, so...

I grabbed my phone and dusted off the Skype app. The place was dead now that everyone moved to Discord, but I suppose I was smart to keep it just in case there was a straggler. I'd have to tell her about it, too. Discord was simply better in a lot of ways. I looked up the username and sent a friend request, which was readily accepted and followed up by a call. I stuck the buds in my ears and answered.

"Hell-o~?" I asked, as was usual whenever I answered the phone.

"Ah, so this must be the great Jimbo?" A woman responded. That voice had a distincive Japanese accent, and was…

"I... wasn't expecting to be talking to someone with a... voice like that." I said, slightly disoriented. I could feel my face heat up. It also sounded familiar, somehow.

"My voice?" She asked. "I've never heard someone talk about my voice. What do you think it sounds like~?"

"Umm… oh my…"

"What's the matter? Wolf got your tongue~?" She said teasingly befofe giggling a little.

"You… you sound l-like one of t-those evil s-seductresses." I stuttered.

I took a moment to think about that. Ah, crap.

She giggled some more. "I'll take that as a compliment! Now, onwards to victory!"

"R-right. Just let me set up some flags first."

I loaded the relevant ones up and hit 'Ready'. She waited a little before hitting the battle button as I heard her talk to someone in Japanese. I… I could marry that voice just by itself.

A few seconds later and we've loaded into a match on New Dawn. Needless to say, we're top tier.

"How are you, gentlemen?" Lupus asks. "I do hope you give me the pleasure of victory tonight!"

Right on cue, the bell rung and we're off. I followed the woman on a northward trek to the "A" cap. Nothing happened for a minute or so. And then the light came up that I've been spotted by someone.

"Come out wherever you are~." She taunted. Her guns are pointed left, mine to the right. And then I spotted it- a Minikaze-class destroyer that's no doubt sent torps our way.

"Lupus, break!" I shouted, turning towards the tier five IJN DD. I launched my scout plane and soon enough spotted the torpedoes, spread out wide enough that the needle could be threaded.

"Torpedoes? My, my, you shouldn't have tried to be the predator this time!" Lupus shouted before opening up with two of her forward guns.

All ten of mine barked as we engaged the DD, both of us scoring hits. Most of my shots managed to hit and knocked the bastard down to a sliver of health as I turned in. Lupus finished him off, and the words showed up on the side of the screen.

HungryLupus: "First Blood"

Wafflehouse [Minekaze] (19:14): Report Lupus and jimbo for aimbot!

"He thinks we're cheating?" She wondered before giggling. "Oh, he should know how do DODGE!" She shouted as she threaded the needle between another torpedo salvo.

"Good dodge!" I told her before noticing that we had run into an enemy Lemming Train. "Oh, Jesus! Looks like we found the bulk of them!"

HungryLupus [Myoko] (19:16): Have you come this far to be killed by a wolfpack?

Afterburner408 [Cleveland] (19:16): Describing yourself there

I ducked behind a few small islands and began laying down cover fire for Lupus. An enemy Kirov wound up reporting to Davy Jones' locker as several of my shells struck his forward magazines and cooked them off.

RedAlert2003: "Detonation"
CompassJimbo: "Devastating Strike"
CompassJimbo: "Naval Warfare: Lucky Shot"

"Break off and fall back!" I ordered Lupus. "You're gonna get yourself killed!"

She found herself at point blank against at least ten enemy ships. "On the contrary, they're the ones who'll die!" She shouted excitedly.

And then she begun laughing. She…

She was Walpurgisnacht-lite from the way she was cackling.

I kept laying down salvo after salvo, trying to cover her, and in turn drawing some of their fire. Shells splashed around my ship as I took HE rounds and overpens from battleship salvoes. I turned in as my health dropped by about one-third and fired back.

HungryLupus: "Double Strike"
Botelover69: "Detonation"

I watched as she took a hit to the citadels while my shells found those of a Nagato well within secondary range, the casemates threatening to tear me a new one while my 5"/25 secondaries lit up. It wasn't long before the two of us burned as he tried to get his guns to bear instead of simply turning.

And that's when he explodes brilliantly, a familiar Myōkō brushing past and casually dumping a spread of Long Lances towards another enemy battleship.

HungryLupus: "Double Strike"
HungryLupus: "Kraken Unleashed!"

BloomersKid [Furutaka] (19:20): shes unstoppable!!!

HungryLupus [Myoko] (19:20): You are unfit to be called sailors!

BloomersKid [Furutaka] (19:21): FOR NARNIA!!

"I don't think so~." Lupus said, her tone nothing short of seductive. I… was starting to lose focus. And then the Furutaka buys it, knocking the enemy score down to natch and ending the game.

"Holy…" I mutter.

She giggles a little. "Ah, another great victory for me!"

"Y-yeah. Victory is ours." I quietly mumble. The hell did I get myself into?

 

[theJMPer]

"You… you sound l-like one of t-those evil s-seductresses." I stuttered.

Click to shrink...

LEWD!

 

[wtdtd]

It seems like our first ship has set sail!

 

[CompassJimbo]

It seems like our first ship has set sail!

Click to shrink...

B-baka!!

 

[Aires Drake]

I need to finish that snippet I started for this.

Also:

HungryLupus (18:59): Indeed. I was wondering how someone in a soda can could beat me so easily~

Curious about a simple defeat, eh?

HungryLupus (19:00): I hear those things are terrible ships.

CompassJimbo (19:00): It's a psuedo-spiritual thing. Pensacola's a Florida Woman. The more people you know from America's Australia you know, the better she performs.

HungryLupus (19:01): Florida Woman?

CompassJimbo (19:01): Look it up on Google. The Florida Man/Woman (Homo floridians) is one of the most dangerous species on the planet. They're known to do crazy things and not give a damn about them.

Click to shrink...

SHE GON GET REKT!

Again.

Very accurate terminology for Florida though.

 

[PurgeTheXeno]

I swear to god if this turns into another waifu thread... then i'm out.

 

[wtdtd]

Join the waifu side...

 

[still_guns]

Damn, I need to finish up my sketch there :/

 

[still_guns]

Continued from above
____________

Things just went from bad to worse. Our Zuiho got carrier sniped by the enemy Bogue, though not before he got his own strike out on his opposite number, taking him out. Our division of Murmansk's went up against a single Nicholas... and lost. Before long, all we had was me, Chysanthemum in his Myogi, Executor in the Derzki, a Furutaka and a very stock Phoenix.

Two battleships, two cruisers and a destroyer with no kills between them (seriously, that's how fast things happened)... versus three battleships, four cruisers and one destroyer with seven kills between them.

I analysed my remaining teammates, formulating a strategy, hoping that it would work.

still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:37): Okay guys, we need to work together here
xxXHAGSClubSuXxx (Furutaka) (15:34): Yeah, no shit Sherlock
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (15:32): Such horrible language
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (15:30): Please don't be so rude
xxXHAGSClubSuXxx (Furutaka) (15:28): Oh, I'm sorry HOTEL, but I tend to get a little angry when my team is full of donkeys
ChrysanthemumHotel7445 (Myogi) (15:26): I'M NOT A HOTEL!!

Oh god, the bickering. We don't have time for this.

still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:25): GUYS!! If you could concentrate?! Life or death situation here
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:23): Furutaka, shut up. Chrys, calm down
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:20): I have a plan. I need you guys to cooperate
NorthbyNorthhampton (Phoenix) (15:18): I'm all ears still_guns, tell us the plan

I took a deep breath, psyching myself, and began to type again.

still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:17): OK. HAGS and Executor, you two go and defend the base. Executor, do a bit of probing
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:14): You see ANYTHING, you get the hell outta there, drop torps if you need to
E_X_E_C_U_T_O_R_2000 (Derzki) (15:12): Got it
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:10): Chrys, you stay with me. North, you cover us now. We need some bigger guns covering our backs
NorthbyNorthampton (Phoenix) (15:08): Oh yeah, get me some XP so I can get that yummy New Orleans
xxXHAGSClubSuXxx (Furutaka) (15:06): Yeah, good luck with that. Wouldn't I be a better choice for defending you BB's?
still_guns (Imperator Nikolai I) (15:04): Well no offence, but your guns don't shoot fast enough. Big, hell yes. But if you miss, you gotta wait 15 seconds until you can fire again
xxXHAGSClubSuXxx (Furutaka) (15:02): Fair enough. Heading back to base

And so, the real battle began. Something in the back of my mind told me that whatever happened, this battle would go down in the annals of history as a one-sided kerbstomp. Thing is though, which side would win?

Certainly, the northern team had the advantage in kills and points (god I hate points). But a quick scan of their team list revealed some extra information. As far as could be told, all but one of their cruisers was unproven, that one being NosyParker in the Kuma, with 4 kills. Their single DD, the Nicholas had the two Murmansk's under his belt, whilst the Kongo had the final kill (of the still living enemy ships). That meant their were two dangerous players to look out for, one who was likely going to hold their own, and a bunch of unknowns.

The unknowns were, however, not too much of a threat. Mostly, anyways. Sure, they had more battleships, but they had two South Carolinas accompanying the Kongo. Those things are dangerous in the right hands, but I have a lot of trust placed on my Imperator. And I know for a fact, that my Imperator can squash South Carolinas.

And then the cruisers. An Omaha, a Tenryu and Kolberg. Ok, Kolberg can be pretty much discounted immediately. Omaha and Tenryu, not so much.
___________________

Like, holy fuck, I've had this saved for almost two weeks, and only got this far. I'm so shit at this :'(

EDIT: Because I'm so shit, I forgot that each team has twelve ships, not eleven

 

[MaHaL]

And then the cruisers. An Omaha, a Tenryu and Kolberg. Ok, Kolberg can be pretty much discounted immediately. Omaha and Tenryu, not so much.

Click to shrink...

Ah the Kolberg, good god did I hate that thing. Not as bad as the Karlsruhe though, or the Kawachi, I swear that is the worst ship in game, bar none.

 

[menosay]

Ah the Kolberg, good god did I hate that thing. Not as bad as the Karlsruhe though, or the Kawachi, I swear that is the worst ship in game, bar none.

Click to shrink...

Really I rather like the Kawachi myself.

 

[MaHaL]

Eh, its armour isn't terrible but the lack of speed and gun range killed it for me.

 

[still_guns]

Its dispersion really kills it though. 142m dispersion isn't much, but with that 9.7km range, the shells reach maximum dispersion pretty darn quickly.

 

[Aires Drake]

Pretty sure there's a perfectly good PC - World of Warships thread for discussing World of Warships. Just dropping that link while I work on my first snippet for this thread.

 

[Trace Coburn]

(Writer's note: for those who may only play World of Warships on the NA/EU/RU servers, the SEA chat-function has a language filter that stars-out a large number of swear words. For reasons I'm not clear on, it also zaps words like 'you' and 'pie', so I beg indulgence for the resultant higher degree of chat-speak. )



Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:23]: Hey, Dad
Lt_Com_McHale [00:23]: hey son good to see u
Lt_Com_McHale [00:23]: been a while since I saw u on SEA
Lt_Com_McHale [00:23]: anyting happenin
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:23]: Got a fresh comp for playing botes
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:23]: Put my 'new' laptop on TradeMe
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:23]: Managed to get a good deal for it
Lt_Com_McHale [00:24]: really? why
PettyOfficer_Ralston [00:24]: I finally got the shits with it
Lt_Com_McHale [00:24]: hahaha
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:24]: Got enough from the sale to go to that joker I mentioned a couple of months ago
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:24]: The one who owns the Internet cafe?
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:24]: He built me a decent games machine
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:24]: And I still got change from the deal
Lt_Com_McHale [00:24]: can teh new one keep up with playing warships?
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:25]: I was just about to check
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:25]: Division match?
Lt_Com_McHale [00:25]: sure
Lt_Com_McHale [00:25]: Nicholas OK?
Petty_Officer_Ralston [00:25]: works for me!

To be honest, Dad may have started really aggressively grinding through World of Warships when he (re-)injured his back a few months ago and couldn't pursue much in the way of physically exerting diversions, but I'm mostly sure that he only ever took up playing it in the first place so the two of us would have a common interest to talk about whenever we Skyped. I've always been crap at casual conversation, and some of the things Dad says about immigrants when he's not making an effort to censor himself... well, I love the man to death, but clearly, going back to Aus after he and Mum split back in the late '80s gave him room to fall back into some really unpleasant mental habits.

As it turned out, we do share a preference in combat botes — battleships are just too ponderous for either of us, and I don't think he ever even tried aircraft carriers; I know the amount of micro involved turned me off them when I tried them during the PT of 0.5.5. I don't know how far Dad's got up the various cruiser lines, since he refuses to spend money on any aspect of a 'free to play' game (such as grabbing more port slots), but I do know he's really into the USN DDs. In particular, we both enjoy the hell out of the Nicholas.

Soon, we found ourselves in a four-point Domination match on Two Brothers. And when I saw the team-lists, my face dropped into my hands. God-fucking-dammit, matchmaker. Why must you have such a warped sense of humour? Four members of Cloak of Shadows on 'my' team? All proudly pink?

Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:26]: GLHF everyone!
NightFury22 (Saipan) [00:26]: Ralston's here AGAIN? FML
CloakWard71 (Warspite) [00:26]: well we;re down one already
Stormy_Knight (Blyskawica) [00:26]: dammit, MM, stop letting this scrublord into our matches!
HammerTime (Atlanta) [00:26]: wtf Ralston why do you even bother logging in?
DaggerCyclone (Atlanta) [00:26]: look it's the King of Disco
CloakWard71 (Warspite) [00:26]: atleast it's only a Nicholas
Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:26]: watch out Dad these guys will team-kill both of us ASAP
Lt_Com_McHale (Nicholas) [00:26]: why?
Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:26]: they're toecutters and I won't pay
DaggerCyclone (Blyskawica) [00:26]: $5 says Ralston drops before we get into range
Mizu_Idoru_no_Kantai (Kuma) [00:26]: can't we just play a game?
NightFury22 (Saipan) [00:26]: sucker bet
HeavenlyDragon1918 (Tenryu) [00:26]: Speak for yourself - I'm gonna ENJOY beating up on these guys
CloakWard71 (Warspite) [00:26]: U stilll owe me an Atlanta Ralston
NightFury22 (Saipan) [00:26]: Pay up or GTFO our server
Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:26]: What part of "**** off" was unclear?
PrecisionCarnage (Kongo) [00:27]: u tell them Ralston!
Yokosuka_BigSeven (Nagato) [00:27]: Dragon is right - I will have no guilt about crushing these fellows
HammerTime (Atlanta) [00:27]: >six months on WOWs
Stormy_Knight (Blyskawica) [00:27]: FFS, Ralston, sell the abacus and get a real computer already
HammerTime (Atlanta) [00:27]: >still only playing T6
HammerTime (Atlanta) [00:27]: seriously, git gud or git out already
SoaringSilver (Hiryu) [00:27]: I agree, BigSeven
CloakWard71 (Warspite) [00:27]: jesus justt kill yuuurself loser
Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:27]: Spellcheck is ur friend, Cloak

That was about when Skype began to ring again. I answered it quickly, audio-only — only Dad and my brother have that address — and wasn't too surprised to hear Dad's voice. "These pricks really don't like you, mate — what's their problem?"

"Long story. Look, let's go straight up the guts, I'll lay smoke behind us. We can talk as we go."

"Right-oh."

3... 2... 1... BATTLE STARTS!

The bell rang for match start... and sure enough, even as both our Nicholas started to get off the mark, and my smoke-screen formed around and behind us, shells started to come after the two of us as soon as the Cloakers' guns were loaded and trained.

You have been reported 5 times
ManilaVanilla (Colorado) [00:27]: WTF? Those guys are on OUR team, u ***holes!
Aroha4All (Nurnberg) [00:27]: ****in idiots
DaggerCyclone (Atlanta) [00:27]: Red Team, two DDs going for B and The Slot
PrecisionCarnage (Kongo) [00:27]: ... wow, they ARE jerks
You have been reported 10 times

"You remember my first laptop, the one I got in 2011, and how it kept choking on WoWs? Well, one game CloakWard was on my team when my client died mid-match, and his St. Louis ran into my Clemson while I was reloading. I got back in-game just in time to see the petulant little prick blow me out of the water and abuse me for 'getting in his way'." Both of us flinched as 15" shells came in on us from behind. Hell of a show of geysers, but CloakWard's aim was short and left. "Him and his two division-buddies all started giving me shit in chat, saying I cost our team the match. I'd already killed a Tenryū and two Wacky-Tackys before I crashed, I did more to hurt the opposition than Cloak and his mates combined, so fuck 'em all!" Personally, I thought that was pretty damned decent for a guy whose system-limitations basically obliged him to take the WITNESS ME! approach to playing, but some people Just Don't Get It.

"Oh, I see: they're those kind of players, eh?"

"It gets better. He actually tried to shake me down in direct chat afterwards. Told me I owed him 'compensation' for 'costing him' a win, so I was going to buy him a gift-package of a One-Day Battle-Pack — or him and his mates would make me his Number One Target any time we were in a match together, no matter which side I was on."

"You told him to get fucked, right?"

"Too bloody right I did," I muttered, checking the map. Our team was hooking right for Cap A, though the Cloak Błyskawica was sniffing around the edge of D. Apparently NightFury22 was running his Saipan in 2/2/0; his AD1s had taken a sniff at us, but couldn't get a good torpedo solution on the two of us while we were tucked behind the bend of the strait, so wonder of wonders, he actually had them trolling for Red Team! Meanwhile, his Corsairs, and the two squadrons of Hellcats from our Independence — who, thankfully, seemed aggressively uninterested in being party to Cloak's antics — were doing their best to contain the Zeroes from the opposition's Hiryū and Ryūjō. Dad and I had slowed to one-quarter once we got into cover, and we were barely creeping towards the northern end of the strait. "Hasn't stopped him pushing his bullshit on me, by direct message in-game and with private messages on the SEA forums." Including demands for payment, hundreds of variations on "you suck GTFO our server and kill yourself"... welcome to the World of Warships community, where, just like in any other human community, you can find organised griefing campaigns, aggressive cyber-bullying, and outright extortion rackets. "And he's been applying 'interest' to the 'debt' ever since. By now, the little prick's pushed it up to an Atlanta and a Thirty Day Battle-Pack, which is more than two hundred bucks' worth."

"For fuck's sake! Have you tried telling the people running the game?"

"Only every week, complete with screencaps from the chats and my forum inbox. But what do you always say, Dad? 'Money talks, bullshit walks', right? I've put maybe sixty bucks into this game in total, spread across three servers. Pretty sure I'm not the only one they've targeted, and from what I've seen of their profiles, Wargaming has made thousands off this pack of toecutting mongrels." By this time, we were close to the northern end of the strait. "Slow down for a moment, I'll lead us out. If we meet anything, I'll break left and draw fire; you hook right and nail the bastard."

"Got it."

Unfortunately, no plan survives contact with team-killers: we'd been a little too busy talking to remember that the 'friendly' Skyraiders were as hostile as anything coloured red. Even as we approached the northern channel-mouth, a flight of AD1s came swooping in — showing us a scattering of red icons near Cap C — and made its drop, coming straight south.

NightFury22 (Saipan) [00:31]: PAY UR DEBTS RALSTON
NightFury22 (Saipan) [00:31]: PAY OR SINK

I had enough room and speed to comb the tracks, just. Dad almost made it... but two fish caught him under the 'B' and 'X' turrets.

NightFury22 (Saipan) has destroyed Lt_Com_McHale (Nicholas)
Lt_Com_McHale has achieved Detonation
NightFury22 has destroyed an allied ship.
Lt_Com_McHale (Nicholas) [00:31]: u ****in little ****!
Aroha4All (Nurnberg) [00:31]: really ****in classy, Night
yuhuang38472 (Cleveland) [00:31]: **** these guys

Dad's language in Skype was even more colourful, but I was too preoccupied to listen to it: I'd run into the Red Team rearguard, a Kuma, almost completely dialed-in on the channel exit. Almost... but he used narrow spreads and didn't give me enough lead, so the nearest fish passed a metre or two astern of me. I had no lock on him, no torpedo-lead indicator, no chance to get one — too fast, too close, no time — but I got off a single spread of counterfire, aimed by eye and by luck. When he blew up, we were so close that the hulk's bow scraped along my side as I went past.

Petty_Officer_Ralston has destroyed Mizu_Idoru_no_Kantai
Petty_Officer_Ralston has achieved Devastating Strike
Mizu_Idoru_no_Kantai (Kuma) [00:32]: k'so
Mizu_Idoru_no_Kantai (Kuma) [00:32]: nice shooting Ralston
Mizu_Idoru_no_Kantai (Kuma) [00:32]: is ur Dad OK?
Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:32]: pure snapshot Mizu
Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:32]: he's not happy with Cloak & co.
HeavenlyDragon1918 (Tenryu) [00:32]: He's not the only one
HeavenlyDragon1918 (Tenryu) [00:32]: But I can do something about it
HeavenlyDragon1918 (Tenryu) has destroyed Stormy_Knight (Blyskawica)
HeavenlyDragon1918 has achieved Die-Hard
DaggerCyclone (Atlanta) has destroyed HeavenlyDragon1918 (Tenryu)
DaggerCyclone (Atlanta) [00:32]: o rly?
HeavenlyDragon1918 (Tenryu) has destroyed DaggerCyclone (Atlanta)
HeavenlyDragon1918 has achieved Devastating Strike
HeavenlyDragon1918 has achieved It's Just A Flesh Wound!
HeavenlyDragon1918 has achieved Double Strike
HeavenlyDragon1918 (Tenryu) [00:32]: FEAR ME
DaggerCyclone (Atlanta) [00:33]: **** u!
DaggerCyclone (Atlanta) [00:33]: u ****in cehatin ****suckin ****!
Mizu_Idoru_no_Kantai (Kuma) [00:33]: torp alerts exist for a reason
Petty_Officer_Ralston (Nicholas) [00:33]: cry some more, Cyc!

 

[still_guns]

Been a helter-skelter two weeks for me. I can finally say that I've started work on the final piece of Hotel Myogi! So watch this space!