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Attack on TitanFall [Titanfall/Attack on Titan SI]

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Rukatin said:
I would think the would be bewilderment from Hans when the pilot starts communicating with him. And would he even know there's a person in the OGRE?
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I'm glad you asked random stranger.

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"Its talking to me." Internal hemorraging "I'll deal with my brain dripping out my ear a little later. For now. It doesn't have a mouth to eat me, and its killing Titans. Win win."

He's deffinitely going to have a break down, cry probably followed by screaming at the universe for being so unfair and then swiftly followed by a resolution that he will carry on with pride.

Something to that degree.
 
A marked improvement from the first to the second. It would not be an adverse idea for you to go back to the first bit and rewrite it too the level of the second snip. It should help draw in more readers.
 
Also, is SI the proper term for this? As I understand, it's a Militia Pilot from the Titanfall Universe. I though SIs were when the author put themselves in the story in some version.
 
Triggerhappy said:
Also, is SI the proper term for this? As I understand, it's a Militia Pilot from the Titanfall Universe. I though SIs were when the author put themselves in the story in some version.
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More on that a little later, background needs to be expanded in order for my title to make sense.

Fallenblades643 said:
A marked improvement from the first to the second. It would not be an adverse idea for you to go back to the first bit and rewrite it too the level of the second snip. It should help draw in more readers.
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Thank you and will do a little later.

for now, I must feast upon a ham sandwich, for my stomach rumbles like that of thunder.
 
Might want to work on your punctuation a bit. The scene with you talking also seemed kind of awkward. Lastly, I feel like there should be some kind of language barrier, and the fact that the Giant Cannibal Nudists share a name with the hero's mech should be this big reveal (For the characters, we the audience already know it).
But then again, this comes directly from my aborted attempt at a story with more-or-less this premise, so I must admit some degree of bias.
EDIT: Quick note RE The Armored Titans, er, armor. Seeing as how it takes a cannonball hit without so much as a scratch, I think you're over-estimating how much damage your projectiles would do. That's not to say they won't do ANY, but still.
 
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you really need a beta/proof reader there are a lot of little mistakes that ruins the flow of the piece
 
bdun140 said:
Might want to work on your punctuation a bit. The scene with you talking also seemed kind of awkward. Lastly, I feel like there should be some kind of language barrier, and the fact that the Giant Cannibal Nudists share a name with the hero's mech should be this big reveal (For the characters, we the audience already know it).
But then again, this comes directly from my aborted attempt at a story with more-or-less this premise, so I must admit some degree of bias.
EDIT: Quick note RE The Armored Titans, er, armor. Seeing as how it takes a cannonball hit without so much as a scratch, I think you're over-estimating how much damage your projectiles would do. That's not to say they won't do ANY, but still.
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Cannon balls are simple metal spheres, shot from a cannon with simple gunpowder.

As far as I know, the 40mm cannon uses the equivalent of armour piercing, explosive, projectiles designed to through harder things than anything an AOT Titan can reasonably equip itself with.

I understand where you are coming from, but attempting to make the AOT titans the centre of what you feel are the more difficult to kill things.

As interesting as they are, they simply aren't that durable against explosive armour penetrating rounds, let alone the rapid launch rockets.

That said, ammunition is going to get scarce very quickly.

Balancing the 'wank' in both series nicely. Rationing or developing new generations of ammunition and gun are going to be high on the SI's list of shit to do. Next to increasing his own influence. Oh and maybe not dying horribly.


captainmelgar said:
you really need a beta/proof reader there are a lot of little mistakes that ruins the flow of the piece
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I'll call for a beta tester before each snip dropping, I pm the beta with the snip, and then the snip will be much more palatable to read.
 
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cB557 said:
No idea how this is the first crossover of these two series I've seen.
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Yeah seriously, it's crazy no one did it before now (as far as I know at least) and not only that but the pun (attack on titanfall) has existed for a while. Lootcrate even did something based on that pun.
 
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