"I would have dumped your body in a ditch and then taken everything you own, pawning anything of a sentimental nature."
The room is silent for a moment before you continue, ignoring Reva's dumbfounded, horrified look. "And, cruel as it'd be, it wouldn't be done out of malice: however, there comes a point where survival trumps sentiment, and that point lie about fifteen minutes after someone else kacked it."
...
Reva laughed, a dry, bone dry even cackle, voice dumbfounded as the tears emerged, bid on by a clear bout of despair on her face. "What's the point then?" She asked, still weeping, still laughing, with the occasional frenzied sob. "Is that all there is now? A rat race where I have to look over my shoulders the rest of my life?"
"Yes," You say, setting your cup of recaff on the counter, expression passive: best she gets told the truth. Reality was cold and hard and full of teeth, and it did no one any favors to attempt to hide that. "If it makes you feel better, I would have at least felt guilty afterwards," You admit. After all, even if the world could be cruel, that didn't mean you needed to be.
Reva wiped the tears from her face, even as they continued to fall, her body wracked with shudders as she grappled with the emotional breakdown she was clearly deeply, deeply due for. "I doubt that," She said, sighing, despondent. "I really fucking doubt that."
You shrug, not engaging with her flagrant show of self-pity. "Believe what you want, but contrary to what you might think, I never set out to damage you. Last week was..." You paused for a moment, sighing: right, time to get the ugly part out of the way. "An unfortunate lapse in judgement driven by the accidental activation of my own neuroses. For that, I offer sincere apology: while I stand by my general assessment of your odds, I don't actually want to push you closer to the edge."
Logos: 79: Solid Success
Reva looked at you oddly, a puzzled, perplexed look on her face, the tears ceasing to flow. Well. At least you had gotten her to stop crying. "I...What?"
"Contrary to what you might believe, we in the Outskirts aren't all heartless monsters," You said, steepling your fingers as you layed out your non-reassurances. "I might be dedicated to looking out for myself, but that doesn't mean I'm itching to stab anyone in the back if I don't have to."
Reva was silent for a long time, the flow of tears remaining stoppered as she struggled with her inner daemons. "What..."
"What do you deal with it? The feelings of...of..."
Worthlessness. It was a question every Outskirts had to answer at some point, especially those who were born with some degree of worth, Tribal and City Exiles: those born in the Shanties at least had the comfort of never having known any other way of existing. Meanwhile, the former category had to transition from being told that if they behaved, one day they would be accepted into the Emperors golden arms, to being told that if the Emperor was merciful, when they died he would allow them to sleep outside the gates of his paradise instead of leaving them ENTIRELY within the darkness.
The worst sort of Damnation was knowing that once, you could have achieved salvation.
"There is...a rather extreme degree in variance in how most exiles handle it, once it finally sets in," You say, slowly, composed, discussing your experience with such a phenomena with a near clinical air: after all, you had seen this series of events play out every year, because without exception there always existed a steady stream from the cities and tribes of those less than faithful to the scriptures of emperor or edicts of man. "Those who are weaker, more fragile, usually kill themselves: can't particularly say I don't understand the impulse, I must admit. The handful who get past that point without dying in some stupid way usually commit to their own survival: the animal instinct in their brain pushing them forward. Beyond that-"
"No," Reva says, cutting through your exposition as she did her best (which is to say, poorly) to stare you in the eyes despite her deteriorated mood and helpless shudders. "How do YOU deal with it? Not...not others like me, not other outsiders. How do you cope with knowing that you're less than..." She gave a brief, sad sob.
"...Largely, I try not to think about it," You admit. Truthfully, it was an admission you generally didn't want to make, even if based on all empirical data and observed scripture it was true. "After awhile you get used to not thinking about it. My advice? Find something else to focus on: Hieram for instance, a..."
Right, what was a good, neutral way to describe the special relation held between you two... "An individual I know in my profession-"
"I'm fairly certain the word for that is peer-"
"An individual I know in my profession," You carefully enunciate, "Was born among the Tribes. He copes with his exile by, I'm told, running card games. Find yourself something similair, a hobby or past-time or goal or some such to occupy your mind."
"..."
You felt a pang of annoyance. Really, you weren't without sympathy, you weren't, but one could only deal with someone wallowing in their own misery for so long. "If being an Outskirts is so crushing, there's always the Martyrs March," You said, breathing sharply out of your nose.
Reva blinked, confused. "The...thing the Sisters are doing?" She asked, quizzically, in turn confusing you. Wait, did she...did she not know?
Lore (Tarrghus) Activates: Two Automatic Successes
"There are, in fact, ways to get back inside the good graces of the Emperor: it is said that to those who Martyr themselves in the attempt of the destruction of his enemies, his salvation is unconditional. Really, this shouldn't be news," You comment, frowning a bit. "It was how St. Croix found himself redeemed: during his Martyrs March, he slew a Warlord who had been accruing power, preventing the Greenskins from uniting under one banner."
Her confused look didn't falter. "Ulysses," she said slowly. "I have never heard about any of this: who in the Emperors name is St. Croix?"
You sighed. "I...look, he's an official saint: the Santica Celeste declared him such for establishing the first Martyrs March, which remains one of the few things that can buy salvation."
"I...if its that easy, why doesn't-"
"Because you only get Salvation if you die," You stress, giving particular emphasis to the last word. "Sure, in theory you could return with the head of a warlord- or even a great klan chief-, but in practice, both are rare, hard to obtain without dying, and only one such head can go around: I can count on my hand the number of individuals who redeemed themselves in this manner that didn't require symbolic reburrying in the Cimiterum Eternum."
There were other ways, of course: Green Autumn, where those who killed sufficient Orks in a single season were recruited into the Tribes, or the Rite of Hallowed Penance where if you survived you were recruited to the Elocutors to serve the priest-hood, or even a governatorial pardon, but unlike the Martyrs March, these were all situational, or even more impossible and deadly. It was said that only one in a hundred survived the March, but for the Rite of Hallowed Penance, its rate of survival was one in a thousand.
Even the Red Cult had a method to filter in potential recruits, but the odds of returning from any Orkium with one of the machine cults hallowed, lost artefacts was low indeed.
Still, the March was deadly enough. Despite this, a spark of hope entered Reva's eyes. "I...I can redeem myself?" She whispered, and you felt a horrible knot form in your stomach. A mistake had been made.
"...Yes, but its...its unlikely you'll come out the other end," You say, understating a bit. "Reva, you're missing my point-"
"Where do I go to join the March?" Reva said, steel in her voice, and you slumped a bit. There was no mistaking that tone: it was the absolute certainty of someone whose course was set and unlikely to be swerved.
Well. Good news was, she was out of her depressive funk. Bad news was, she had apparently decided killing herself was better than being an outskirts.
Reward: Avoided permanent loss of a contact.
Reva will be joining the Martyrs March
22/30 to Networking (Journeyman)
8/30 to Logos (Journeyman)
+1 Fate for preventing ???.
5/5 Fate Acquired.
Fate store unlocked. Please stand by.
