Anyone Can Be a Pilot [Evangelion/Ratatouille]

[Thuktun F]

A/N: I finally did it. Partake in my madness.

You know, it's times like these that I need to reevaluate what life choices I made to get me here.

And by here, I mean inside of a 40-meter tall biomechanical superweapon that's the world's only real defense against abominations that don't belong in this world, while one of said abominations has it by the head and the pilot is screaming.

It's pretty clear that I need to reflect on my issues, right? I mean, someone who doesn't have any issues wouldn't be here. That kid, the one who's screaming in the control chair? He definitely has some issues. Buuut, something tells me his issues are pretty different from mine. Why, you might ask?

Well, first of all, I'm a rat.

鼠​

Honestly, I should've known I'd get into trouble as soon as I was born here.

As I grew up, I began to realize that "NERV" -that's what the humans running about everywhere call it- was not a normal place. Especially not for rats to build a nest in. My dad always complained about all the strange things going on, things he never had to deal with "back upside" when he was a young rat in an old apartment building.

"Look at that," he'd always complain, pointing to some new cyrogenics tube or electrified railing we'd have to avoid. "You never had to deal with that back upside."

That's my dad, complaining about everything. You'd think from all the things he had to say about it, he'd hate the place, but I know that if he actually did, he would've taken the colony somewhere else a long time ago. Fact is, aside from a few things we have to avoid, NERV is great for us. It's always the perfect temperature, there's always food to steal -and despite what Dad says, it is stealing- and we're safe.

Yeah, for a place built by humans, there's not an awful lot of them. And there are so many big pipes and vents and access tubes, places that they never go into, that we pretty much have a full run of the entire complex. We knew NERV even better than they did, at least that's what it felt like.

So yeah, that's home for me. I know that's a strange place to grow up in, but that's the thing about growing up in strange places- they don't feel strange. To me, it was just home. It was my entire world, and what a world it was.

Sometimes, it'd be easy to forget that we didn't own the place.

"Never go near the humans," Dad would always warn us, and me especially. He must've smelled it in me. "They're dangerous creatures."

I knew that Dad was telling the truth, yet I still couldn't help but be fascinated by them. I always watched them from the vents and cracks in the ceiling as they finished yet another construction project, or worked machines that did things I couldn't even guess at. Humans didn't just survive; they lived. They made things. I mean, they made the very place I was living in!

All of this place, this massive labyrinth of metal and glass, simply didn't exist before they came along. They looked at dirt and rock and thought, "I can make something from this". And then they did.

When it's put like that, why wouldn't I want to know about the people that made my world?

But it wasn't until an accident that I saw the human I wanted to learn about the most. The one who created the most.

鼠​

Now, you think it'd be my burning curiosity for the human world that would've driven me to the office, but truth be told? It... was my stomach.

I've always had a very sensitive sense of taste and smell. My brother Emile thought it was a gift. My dad, ever the rat, thought it was something I needed to overcome, except for poison-testing. Rats can't be picky eaters, he'd always say.

In most places that'd probably be the case, but as I've already established, NERV is not a normal place. There was so much good food lying around, not the trash that Dad had us collect, and there would always be forgotten or unwanted scraps, so who would notice if I took a few crumbs?

The best place to get it was this one office in particular. It belonged to a rather important-looking human with blonde hair. Well, she definitely wanted to be blonde, but I could smell the hair dye before I even got into the office, mixed with the stench of tobacco. She was seemingly in that office every hour of every day, but half of the time she was sleeping, face planted on the desk. Honestly, she was a bit of a mess, and I know that's rich coming from a rat.

But a mess had uses. Especially the half-eaten snacks she left lying around. Some days, it'd be nothing but sugary pastries, and then on others when she wanted to try and maintain her figure, it'd be fresh fruit and seaweed. Both were great scores for me. I could grab as many grapes and chocolate cookie sticks as I wanted, and she'd sleep right through it.

Hey, at least I always washed my hands with the disinfectant bottle she had on her desk before I got all handsy with her food.

One night, however, as I crept out of the slightly loose grate in the air conditioning above, something was different. Dr. Akagi -at least that's what the name on the door was- normally turned off the big machine on her desk before slumping down for a nap, but this time, she'd forgotten to do that. On the glass screen, I saw a human woman's face, her brilliance lighting the dim room.

I was still really young then, and I didn't know anything about these machines. What they did, how they did it. I honestly thought there was a small human in there, frozen. I kept on gawking at her, as I cautiously began to stuff my face with a Kit-Kat bar I found.

Then Dr. Akagi stirred in her sleep, and I froze. She didn't wake, but she accidentally pressed something on her keyboard, and the frozen woman came to life. I hid behind the wrapper, expecting her to scream "rat!", but it didn't come. Instead, she spoke in a soft, but utterly enrapturing, voice.

"-as Second Impact has proven beyond a doubt, it is more easy to destroy, than it is to create. A city that took a thousand years to grow may be destroyed in a second. This truth has broken many, for through the pain they cannot see the next truth. That it is more powerful to create, than it is to destroy."

I poked my head above the wrapper to look at the screen. She wasn't looking at me, but in that moment, I thought she was speaking directly to me.

"The Evangelion project is the ultimate proof of that. Its construction is far more difficult than the destruction that prompted it. We have had to build things we didn't think possible, simply to realize a greater impossibility. And in that, those accomplishments, and Eva itself, will be the rebuilding of the world. We all have that power in us, to create and build. It's in me, and it's in you."

I would later learn that this was just a little video she made for new hires to the Evangelion program, but for little Remy, it was like the voice of God telling me what to do. I looked at the little name on the bottom of the screen.

Yui Ikari.

That seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't figure out why. Not until my eye caught one of the books in Dr. Akagi's personal library. On the Macro-Structure of the Super-Solenoid Engine, by Dr. Yui Ikari.

There it was. The key to the passion that would be my future. I didn't know most of the words on that spine, or what an Evangelion was, or how it was going to fix the world. But I wanted to. I wanted to create things, just like her.

I wanted to be just like Yui Ikari.

鼠​

From that day on, I didn't just go to the office to fill my stomach, but my brain. Half the time, I didn't even steal any scraps, forgoing eclairs and donuts for essays like A-10 Nerve and Pilot Interface- A Primer and AT-Field and the Square Cube Law. I read in the dark, keeping my ears open for any noise from my unwitting host. When I found her calendar, I used it to know which days she would be at conferences -whatever those were- and took advantage of the time to read even more.

Day in and day out, I was studying what Yui left. Essay after essay, volume after volume. When I couldn't understand something, I'd go to other offices and look for books there to help me figure it out. And it was all so fascinating. Fields that were universes unto themselves! Machines that could link minds! A giant artificial being as big to a human as humans were to me! I still didn't know what it was all for, but that didn't matter then.

But the most captivating things were the videos. Dr. Akagi had a whole stash of them kept under lock and key in a hidden compartment in her desk. I don't know why she would hide them, but they were easy enough to get when you're a rat watching her stash all of her secret stuff away. When she was away, I'd pull the discs out and pop them into her computer -which I finally understood as a machine- to watch.

There wasn't a lot of important information in there. The reason why I kept watching them was because of the passion with which Yui would dispense it. She'd talk for a long time about things like life, the universe, and her own efforts to understand it all. The more I learned through her books, the greater I could sympathize with that passion, and feel the burn to rebuild in my little rat heart.

When I was back in the colony, in my bed, I'd dream of piloting the Evangelion, like she described it. I'd imagine I was sitting in the seat, working the yokes and thinking how to move the way she instructed.

Little did I know how close to reality that silly daydream was.

鼠​

"Why are you carrying the stuff like that?" Emile asked.

"Like what?" I asked back, as we padded down the access shaft.

Emile and I were on scrap duty today. There was always abandoned materials in construction sites that the humans didn't need, but we did. I liked scrap duty. It felt like one of the only ways to express the fire Yui lit in me was to help set up new furniture and fixtures in the colony.

"In your hands. You have a mouth, you know."

"Yeah, and I don't want to ingest something I shouldn't." I shook the bundle of wires and bolts in my hands. "Do you know how many harmful substances are in these scraps? Like, like microplastics. Did you know that a human eats about a credit card's worth of plastic every week?"

"No, but we're rats. You couldn't even eat a whole credit card if you wanted to."

"I mean, you could, though," I said, easing the small tension.

Emile chuckled at that, clearly happy with the compliment. He had a cloth between his teeth, using it to drag his scrap along. When we passed a seam on the shaft's grating, it clinked, and my ears perked.

"What did you find, anyway?" I asked.

"I dunno, just some human stuff," my brother replied.

"Can I see?"

"Uh, sure?"

I opened the bag, and my suspicion was concerned. I looked his way excitedly, holding the small machine in my hands.

"Emile, you found a penlight! And it's not broken!"

"Okay...?" he replied, giving me a worried look. "And that's good because...?"

"Because we can use this to make some light in the colony. Don't you want to be able to see better in there?"

"I mean, I guess? I don't know if Dad's gonna like it."

"Oh, c'mon. Even Dad likes to be able to see where he's going, right? Imagine this strung up in the dining hall."

It was then that I noticed it was a bit light for a penlight. Unscrewing the cap, I looked in.

"Something wrong?" Emile asked.

"No battery," I said. When his face blanked on that, I added, "We need one to make light."

"Ah well, at least it sounded like a good idea," he replied, clearly trying to hurry along before his little brother got him in trouble.

Of course, I wasn't going to be set back by that.

"Follow me, I know where we can get one." I dropped my scrap and began scurrying down the access shaft. "Let's go!"

Behind me, Emile let out a weary groan, and padded after me.

It was a bit before we arrived at the air vent that led into Dr. Akagi's office. Emile seemed much more content enjoying the cool breeze from the air conditioner than I was, and it took some coaxing before he followed me through the loose gap in the grating. Jumping down, we landed quietly on a stack of papers. The office was, as expected, empty.

"I don't like this, Remy," he said, looking around. "We're not supposed to bug humans here. What if one comes in?"

"Oh please, Dr. Akagi is away at a meeting with the Marduk Institute," I replied. "Now wait here. I'll get the battery."

"Wait, how do you know that?" Emile called after me as I scurried towards the long end of the desk.

"I read her calendar," I replied.

Bracing my arms on the desk proper, I grabbed the little -well, little by human standards- rung of the drawer with my feet and pushed as hard as I could. Slowly, the drawer opened, and I hopped in.

"Wait, you read? Like you read human stuff? I don't think Dad would like that."

"What Dad doesn't know, doesn't hurt him." I rummaged through the office supplies. "And believe me, these books are nothing but stuff Dad doesn't know."

"C'mon," Emile groaned. "I don't like this stuff. Bugging humans, and, and reading, and definitely not lying to Dad."

"Well, this light's gonna make up for that." I found the battery I was looking for, and emerged triumphant from the drawer. "Now we can go."

At least Emile was keen on that. We began making our way back to the grating when the door opened, and we instinctively dove for the shadows. Light flooded the room as Dr. Akagi stepped in, followed by a smaller human with brown hair.

"The Third is expected to arrive tomorrow at noon for orientation," Dr. Akagi said. "The Commander wants us to move forward with preparing Unit One for a field test."

"Already, senpai?" the smaller human asked.

So her name is Senpai?

To my side, Emile was trying to quietly scoot to the grating. I began to follow, only to pause. Dr. Akagi said "Unit One". That was an Evangelion unit, wasn't it? I listened further.

"-fix the joint error in the knee by tonight," Senpai was saying. She paused to light a cigarette. "Finally, we'll see Dr. Ikari's work come to fruition."

"If only she was here to see it herself. I never met her."

"Neither did I," Dr. Akagi admitted, taking a puff. "She's been dead nearly eleven years, now, hasn't she?"

In that moment, it was like the world was tumbling down. The flashlight, the danger, even Emile, all forgotten.

Yui Ikari... is dead?

When both of them looked my way, their eyes wide, I realized I hadn't said that in my head.

"Gah! Rat!" Dr. Akagi shrieked, pointing.

Uh-oh.

 

[Thuktun F]

It was utter chaos in the next few moments after that. I dove under an open pad of schematics. Emile, who had been making a valiant effort of squeezing back into the vent, fell back out with a shriek of his own and sent papers flying everywhere. I guess my brother's misstep was over the line for Dr. Akagi, because she promptly turned a light shade of green -something I didn't know humans could do- and collapsed into the arms of the smaller human.

"Senpai!" The smaller one cried, then held up her wrist to her mouth. "Section Five, we have a Class Four biohazard in Dr. Akagi's office!"

"Uh, Remy," Emile asked, leaning back up from the mess he made on the desk, "what does that mean?"

"It means run!"

And so we ran. Emile hopped down from the desk, and I followed after him, holding the schematics above me. For camouflage, or to serve as a shield from whatever the humans threw at me, I still don't know. Maybe I was just being stupid.

We ran right out the front door, ran right past the still-green doctor and her companion, and ran into the hall. I'd never actually been in the halls before, not when the lights were still on. Everything looked so bright and harsh, and it didn't help that they had just cleaned the floors, and the smell of cleaning products were burning into my nose.

Then I felt the floor vibrating, that tell-tale rumble of a lot of boots, and I skidded to a stop. Emile did the same, then began scurrying to an open panel in the hallway, squeezing his fat butt through. I followed after him, just in time to hear the boots come to a stop. Through the metal walls, I heard a hurried conversation, and I tugged on Emile's tail to stop. We huddled together between some wires, trying to stay quiet.

"What exact Class Four, Doctor?"

"Rats," Dr. Akagi said, clearly having woken back up. Her voice was shaky. "If there's two, there's more. A colony of them can cause malfunctions in vital systems- as far as I'm concerned, they're a threat to our survival. We need to find them."

"Remy?" Emile asked, only to be shushed by me.

"Yes, Doctor," the same voice said. "Where did you see them last?"

"I saw them exit the office," she lied. Probably didn't want to admit she fainted. "They must be..."

She trailed off, and even though I couldn't see her through the wall, I still felt her eyes fall on the open panel.

"In there!" she barked.

"Run! Again!" I squeaked at Emile.

There was a hole in an air vent within the wall, chewed out by other foragers in the colony a while back, and we squeezed into it. Just in time, too- when I looked back, I saw a gloved human hand trying to grab at us through the open panel.

"We need to tell Dad about this!" Emile said, scurrying down the vent.

"But we might lead them back to the colony!" I protested.

When the vent behind us shut, however, I realized we didn't really have a choice. We kept on running, scampering and scurrying and sliding through vents, atop pipes, through chewed insulation. And all the while, I could hear Dr. Akagi and the others shouting, somehow tracking us. Sometimes a wall panel would be torn away, and a net would try to scoop us up.

At some point, it stopped, but that just made us run even faster.

It wasn't long before we were back in the main space for the colony, which was situated above one of the massive main conduits that powered the whole place. Dad was there, watching the other foragers set up the food pile for tonight's dinner when we came running over.

"Remy? Emile?" he asked, looking rather confused. "What happened?"

"I think we need to evacuate the colony," I panted.

"A human saw us," Emile said.

Dad gave us a fatigued, knowing look. "Listen, kids, we all get spotted sometimes. If we had to evacuate every time that happened-"

He didn't have time to finish before a ventilation grate in the floor -which, I suppose, is their ceiling- popped open. Two gloved hands gripped the edge of the opening as they pulled their owner up.

"I assure you I can handle this now, Maya," a familiar voice was saying. A blonde head bobbed into view. "That was just..."

She fell silent as she saw the colony, and everyone saw her. Her two eyes met with hundreds of ours as she took in the sight of our home.

Then, she turned an even more impressive shade of green, and her head sank back down. For a moment, there was only silence.

"Evacuate the colony!" Dad barked. "To the tunnels!"

Utter chaos. The entire colony began scrambling to the escape routes Dad insisted we plan out years ago, in case we were ever found. Nothing was taken. No food, no toys or tools or anything we had made. Only the fur on our backs as we fled.

I was at the big water coolant pipe when the grate opened again, and I looked back to see a human -though he looked more like a monster in the suit he was wearing- throw a hissing can of green gas into our space. Dad shoved Emile in first, then me, then jumped in just in time to avoid the gas. The water was a roaring surge, dragging us swiftly down deeper into the complex.

Well, some of us were going faster than others.

"Remy?" Dad called, him and the others far ahead of me. "What's taking?"

The answer was clear- I still had the thick stack of schematics with me, slowing me down. I was clinging to it desperately, and I couldn't tell if it was out of fear or some sense of stubbornness. What I could tell, though, was that at this rate I was going to be left behind.

"C'mon, son! Swim, son, swim!" Dad called.

"You got this, little brother!" Emile added.

I tried to swim, I really did. But I was still holding on to the schematics as I did, front paws paddling as I tried to catch up to them. As the angle steepened, it seemed like I was going to make it, gravity being the great equalizer it is. But before I could, the flow redirected. Their section of the pipe shut, cutting them off from me, and I was swept in a different direction.

鼠​

The second fainting spell came with a splitting headache. Ritsuko pressed an icepack gracefully -and hastily- provided by Maya to her temple as she watched Section Five agents climbing in and out of the ventilation grate that led into the seeming heart of the rat nest. Based off the looks on their faces, distorted by the plastic hazmat masks, she could tell they were just as confused.

"Senpai," Maya said, rather unnecessarily holding her up by the elbow, "are you sure you saw what you said you saw?"

"Maya, I have three PhDs, two of which are in fields that didn't exist fifteen years ago. I work with forty-meter biomechanical titans that are to save the human race from alien beings of godlike power. So believe me when I tell you about the rat city, please."

"As in, there were just a lot, or...?"

"As in, they had dining halls, bunk beds, tiny matchstick fires, and I wouldn't be surprised if there was a rat city hall." She watched as the agents began shoving said evidence into plastic bags, and cleared her throat. "Did we get them?"

"Sorry, Doctor," one of the agents said, apologetically. "Not a single body."

"Check to see what routes they could have taken. We need this entire colony exterminated."

"Senpai, isn't this a bit much?"

"Maya, think about what rats eat. Now think about how the most crucial systems in NERV are biological in nature. They might chew into the MAGI. Or infest one of the Evas like maggots."

The young woman shuddered. "That sounds a little alarmist, senpai."

"No." She pointed at the head agent. "I want your men making rounds around the entire facility. We'll shut down coolant systems and ventilation in certain areas if we have to, but we are-"

"Dr. Akagi?" an older voice asked.

Ritsuko turned to see Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki curiously walking over, a cup of coffee in his hand. Based on the rather confused look on his face, it was apparent he had chanced across the scene, and was now wondering what madness had infected the head of Project E.

"Vice-Commander, we've found a large... rat colony," she said, deciding not to press her luck with ravings about rodent civilizations. "I'm organizing a sweep to ensure they don't disrupt our operations."

"Yes, I understand the concern, but this seems rather... disproportionate," came the diplomatic reply. "Doctor, we are having officials from the JSSDF come over this evening, and they'll be here until morning. Shutting down NERV over rats will not be a good look for this organization."

"The JSSDF is a waste of taxpayer dollars," she said. "Losing face to them is preferable to losing one of the MAGI."

"I think we have different threat appraisals, here," Fuyutsuki replied. "At the very least, the sweep must be discreet and passive until they leave. I'm not authorizing shutting down entire sections of the most important facility on Earth just to catch some rats."

Ritsuko bit her tongue. "Very well."

"I recommend getting some rest before the big day tomorrow," the Vice-Commander said. "In the meantime, I think I'll go shop for some mousetraps for my office."

He walked back down the hallway. Ritsuko turned back to the Section Five agents still at work. In one of the plastic bags appeared to be a rat cart, made from a matchbox, and she stared intently at it.

"Senpai, your eye is twitching," Maya said.

鼠​

I don't know how I washed up where I did, or how long I was in the pipes for. All I knew was that I was tired and scared, a soaked rat with nowhere to go. It seemed that all I could do was sit by the water, with only glossy plastic pages of schematics for company, and wait. Waiting for what? I don't know. Maybe to hear my father's voice. Maybe to wait for the humans to grab me with their gloves and do all the horrible things to rats Dad said they do.

I had already read the schematics before, along with all the other things in the office, but I still read them over again. I turned each page mechanically, staring at the detailed drawings of armor plating and restraints and entry plugs. When I got to the last page, I just closed the pad and stared at the back. Darkness surrounded me, and it felt heavier than the world itself, crushing me into a ball and compelling me to sleep.

"What are you doing here?" a soft voice asked.

I woke up at those words, after who knows how long. Heavenly light began to fill the pipe, and I saw Yui Ikari sitting across the trickle of the water opposite me. It was funny, seeing her so small, instead of the titan on the computer screen that I had first seen.

"I'm here because I didn't listen to my dad," I said, quietly. "And now, I've lost my family, and I don't know if I'll ever find them again."

"No, Remy," she said, and it felt so strange and yet so right for her to say my name. "What are you doing here? Why haven't you found a way out?"

"I don't know if I can get out," I replied, then shook my head. "Why am I even talking to you? You're dead."

She smiled with that same wan look she always had in her videos. "And why should that stop me? Does my being dead mean my projects don't endure? Is Yui Ikari still not rebuilding the world?"

I looked at her, feeling the weight lift off me, if only a little.

"Despair is the victory of every obstacle," she said, standing up and walking down the end of the pipe. "The only way to beat it is to try."

Then she was gone, and where she had been was now a faint gash in the pipe, light trickling through. Blinking, I felt like I'd accidentally bitten into a live wire again, and I scurried towards the light. It didn't take a lot of chewing before I could poke my head through. Before my eyes, I saw a cavernous ceiling, criss-crossed with support beams and pipes.

Pulling myself out of the pipe, I nearly slipped, then regained my footing and began scampering along. I didn't know where I was, but I chose a direction to go in anyway, crawling atop the pipe. Looking below, I saw a massive access shaft, the big ones we sometimes found scrap near. It was nerve-wracking to crawl along the edge of it, since I couldn't see the bottom, but I made it across.

There were bright lights up ahead, and I scurried even faster, even though some part of me was saying "don't go there you idiot, lights means humans".

I finally arrived at the edge of some great square cavern, bigger than anywhere I'd been before. I guess there were parts of NERV the humans knew better than us. Though that wasn't exactly the first thing that came to mind. Rather, it was horrible stench of blood that stuck its fingers into my nose and pushed me back, nearly making me empty out my stomach.

Holding my breath, I looked into the cavern, and promptly forgot to hold my breath.

A sea of red took up almost the entire floor of the place, and submerged in it was something I had only scene in drawings before. I couldn't believe it. I rubbed my eyes, but the massive purple titan was still there.

"That's the Evangelion!" I exclaimed, an unbelieving laugh escaping me. "I've been living above the Evangelion project the entire time?"

"It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?" the Yui of my imagination said, peering over alongside me. "The key to restoring the world, my life's work."

She gestured. "Go and take a closer look."

I saw a little support beam running across the ceiling, and hooked my paws around it, carefully walking along its length until I was roughly above the Evangelion. All around me, I could see the support system for the machine.

"What do you see?" Yui asked.

"Well, let's see..." I pointed to the red sea surrounding the Evangelion. "That's an LCL bath, meant to regulate the biological processes of the Eva when not in use."

"Good," she said. "Anything else?"

"There's the entry plug, so the pilot can interface with the core."

"Mmhmm."

"And those cables are for charging the internal batteries, and to polarize the armor plating."

"Yes, good. Now, what of the personnel?"

"I see..." I paused, peering down. "There's the dry engineers, handling the stuff like the armor and support machinery, all very important, and then the divers down there are the wet engineers, all for the biological part of the Eva, also important..."

"What about the boy?"

"The boy?" I looked around, until I saw a small figure standing between two taller ones. "What's a boy doing here?"

鼠​

"Father," Shinji said, staring up.

"It's been some time."

鼠​

"Perhaps he plays a part in this you don't know yet," Yui said.

"Oh, c'mon," I retorted. "This is the most important project in, well, the history of anything. Only the best of the best can be here. Why would they bring a kid here?"

"Every other role has been accounted for," she said. "All except one. The most important role to play for Eva."

I snorted. "What, like the pilot?"

She simply smiled.

My ears folded back, and I looked back down. Dr. Akagi was there, talking to him, as if instructing him about the thing. There were a lot of personnel milling about, a lot more than was required for routine maintenance according to the notes I'd read.

"Wait," I said, slowly, not wanting the realization to hit me. "He's... that kid's the pilot?! He's the pilot? But he's just a kid! Why would they-"

I couldn't finish that train of thought before the ceiling rumbling above derailed it. My grip on the support beam slipped, and I fell down to the LCL below.

鼠​

"You are the only suitable candidate," the scientist was telling him. "You were selected-"

There was a faint splashing sound, ,ore like a "blup" than an actual splash, and the scientist whipped her head back towards the sea of blood before them. Even through the weight of the revelation that had been laid on him, Shinji swore he saw the woman's eye twitch.

She looked back to him, and resumed a bit more restrained. "You were selected by the Marduk Institute. You are the Third Child."

 

[Thuktun F]

Not only did the LCL smell like blood, it tasted like it, too. The coppery taste filled my mouth as I sank beneath the scarlet surface, the wind knocked out of me by the fall, and for a moment I felt the panic any sane rat would when it felt like he was about to drown. My vision began to darken as I held my breath and tried to swim.

Then Yui was there, floating beside me. "What are you doing? You know it's oxygenated, Remy."

That I did. And so I forced myself to breathe in the smelly liquid, and instead of overcoming me, the darkness in my vision disappeared. I took a few breaths, floating suspended in the LCL. Looking around, I could see the rest of the Eva cage, tinted orange and obscured in the distance. The Evangelion's legs were like pillars of eternity in the deep.

Surfacing would not be a good idea, not when I could get spotted, and so I began to swim towards the Eva. All of the wet engineers had already pulled out, so at least I didn't have to worry about that.

I did have to worry, however, about what had caused me to fall in the first place. And how did I know about that? When the massive girder suddenly fell into the LCL, the current created by its descent spinning me like a top and flinging me towards the wall. I barely had time to reorient myself before the next piece of debris crashed in, a chunk of concrete. Swimming to it, I used it to push off and finally reach the Eva.

The polarized armor plating squeaked under my paws as I tried to grip it, and eventually I had to look for screws and bumps to pull myself up by as I climbed the arm of the Evangelion. With the buoyancy of the LCL, it was quick going, and pretty quickly I was close to the surface. Crawling to the side, I went around the shoulder, and towards the nape of the neck.

Now, with the Eva blocking me from sight, I could rise above the surface and finally cough up the gross-tasting LCL. Which wasn't as hard as Yui's notes made it out to be. You know, little rat lungs and all. Climbing up onto a piece of shoulder armor, I shook the LCL out of my fur and looked around.

Well, it didn't look like there were a lot of viable exits, but at least the shaking on the ceiling stopped, and no one was around to see me yet. Maybe they'd clear out before launch, and I could get out of here.

Then I saw it. It was sticking out of the Eva's neck, looking exactly like the schematics I had scene before. A towering white cylinder that descended into the exposed vertebrae of the titan, with an open hatch.

The entry plug.

And it was wide open.

I shook my head and turned around. Now was not the time to be fooling around, not when there were a dozen humans that could be finding me at any time, not when the ceiling was shaking and I didn't know why. I was still on the Eva, and I needed to get off.

My eyes opened, and looked down. My hind paws rested on the cool purple armor of the Eva.

I was on the Eva. The thing I had seen in my dreams time and time again, the greatest creation of my idol. Who knew when I could get this change again? Besides, I was just going to look around, and see the inside of the plug. You know, just to check if it matched the schematics.

And so, I scurried over to the open hatch, and hopped into the entry plug. Oh my God, it was just like the schematics. There was the great chair that the pilot would sit in, and the LCL pumps, and the control yokes that the pilot would use to guide the Evangelion.

I couldn't help myself. I climbed onto the chair, and sat down in it, legs splayed out like in the sketches. Not quite like how it was in my dreams, of course. For one thing, it was like ten times too big. You know, being made for a human and all, instead of, well, a rat. I couldn't even reach the yokes. That still didn't stop me from closing my eyes and pretending I could, though.

"A marvel, isn't it?" I opened my eyes to see Yui sitting astride the front of the chair. "Is it what you imagined it would be?"

"Oh, yeah," I replied. "I mean it's a bit too big, but you know..."

Then I saw that right next to her, there was a slightly loose bolt. That nagged at me- this was the most important project in history, and some technician forgot to twist the wrench an extra time?

It bothered me so much, in fact, that I found myself scurrying over, grabbing the inlaid bolt in both hands like a wheel. Grunting, I twisted it a little bit, though it felt like I was trying to roll my brother over in his sleep, and the panel was tightened. Dusting my hands off, I surveyed the plug.

"There we are," I said to Yui. "Now I have to get out of h- wait, is the pump not properly dilated?!"

I know that sounded like a major overreaction, but Yui's notes specifically stated that they had to be 2.1 centimeters across when preparing to launch, and this was a whopping 2.23 according to the little analog dial. That was utterly unacceptable. Where did they think they were working, a... place where it was okay to be that sloppy?

Didn't really have another place to compare it too. I'm a rat.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Yui asked. "Are you going to escape, or are you going to do what you need to do?"

I already had the answer to that. I went over and properly dilated the LCL pump, then crawled beneath the chair to check the suspension, and worked my way down to find any more loose bolts, or improperly calibrated filters. I didn't even notice that it got darker in the plug until I made my way back up to the top to check on the yoke-

-and saw the boy from before staring at me, his eyes wide.

There was just a moment where we stared at each other, not moving a muscle. Then, still looking at him, I fixed the plastic cap back over the trigger on the yoke.

The boy looked like he was about to say something, before the speaker activated.

"Shinji, prepare for launch," some voice said.

The boy -Shinji- nervously looked away from me, and I scampered back a little. The plug began to fill with LCL, as expected, but when I looked at him all I saw was panic.

"What's happening?" he blurted, staring at the crimson tide.

I couldn't believe it. He didn't even know what the LCL was? And where was his plugsuit? Were they really having to ship him out that quick?

The LCL submerged me, and then him quickly enough. Now that I was used to it a bit, I could breathe it in, while he still thrashed in it, as if expecting to drown.

"It's oxygenated, Shinji, you can breathe it!" Dr. Akagi was now saying.

The boy still thrashed, then out of the corner of his eye he saw me clearly not drowned. Pausing to stare, he finally sucked in a lungful. Hey, if a rat could do it, why couldn't he?

"Synchronizing now," Dr. Akagi said.

The interior of the plug shimmered and sparkled, and I felt my little heart hammer against my ribs as I realized it was happening. The boy's mind was linking to the primal consciousness of the Evangelion, just like Yui's notes said. All I could do was watch the wonder in action, as the dark plug gave way to the world outside and the machine began to stir, matching his movements.

I could see the LCL drain, and the Eva be lifted on the great platform beneath its feet. Slowly, we moved into position, and locked into the launch tube. Shinji wasn't even looking at me, just as enraptured by what was going on as I was. He looked around the tube, eyes wide.

"Unit-01, launch!"

Up we went, an intense-enough force that I nearly fell off the chair and had to cling on as we rose above the facility. Then the sheer metal walls gave way to something I had never seen before.

A sky.

Dad had told me about, growing up. He said it was overrated and dangerous. The sky was for hawks, and humans crazily trying to imitate them in metal machines. But when I saw those stars twinkling above, I realized I had gone my entire life with something missing.

There were also stars to the side, and in the ground below. There it was, just like the pictures I'd seen in people's offices. Tokyo-3, the Citadel City, the Last Fortress of Humankind.

Shinji was staring at something ahead, looking rather nervous. When I turned around, I saw why.

I had never seen them in the notes and essays Yui wrote. She said that they had no idea what they were going to look like, but they'd know them as soon as they saw them.

As I gawked at the Angel before me, I knew what she meant by that. And I thought humans were big. This thing was even bigger to them than they were to me- why, the whole colony probably weighed less than the tip of its pinky! It looked almost like a human in a silly costume, but with longer and skinnier arms, and its skull-like head was in its chest. If that was the head, anyway.

At least there was a core, like the notes said. That meant it could be destroyed. Despite the nervousness the thing had instilled in me, I couldn't but actually feel excited. Yui's creation, the Evangelion, was about to make its first sortie, and I had a front row seat.

The Eva stepped forward, and promptly fell over.

The impact knocked me off the chair, and I had to swim back to it and hold on. Looking back at the kid, I saw that his eyes were closed, disoriented by the fall. When he opened them, they were wide, terrified. My worst fears were confirmed. They were really sending out an untrained kid to pilot the creation of Yui Ikari. If I wasn't going to die horribly from an Angel, I would've been laughing at how stupid it sounded.

"C'mon, kid!" I shouted at Shinji, which only made his eyes somehow widen further. "Do something! Get your AT-field up!"

Then a black hand grabbed us- I mean, the Eva- by the head, and we were lifted up high. The kid was beginning to really panic, now. When the grip tightened visibly, he let out a scream.

And that's up to speed, I guess. There I was, uselessly watching the last hope of the world get picked up by the head, its woefully-unprepared pilot screaming. Was this really how it was going to end?

Behind the boy, I saw Yui again, but this time she seemed less like a glowing figment of my imagination, and more like flesh and blood. She looked to me, an intense look on her face.

"You know what to do, Remy," she said.

My paws clenched. She was right. I did know what to do. The boy might not be much of a pilot, but I was. He couldn't fight this thing, but I could. And if there was any time to do it, it had to be now.

Darting over, I grabbed Shinji's hand, and tugged on it. The yoke went back, and I could feel Shinji's muscles twitch as he reacted to my touch, as if he was trying to swat me away. That reaction translated into the Eva's hand doing the swatting, a great backhand that caught the Angel in its core. The grip laxed, and we fell back down, this time on the Eva's knees.

Shinji looked at me, then looked at the Angel. Again it was reaching for us, and again I tugged on his hand. This time, the Eva's hand batted the Angel's away, the force of the blow breaking its arm.

I was doing it. I was actually piloting the Evangelion.

Of course, as the lurch of the machine proved, I had a much worse copilot to deal with. The Evangelion tried to get back up, only to once again stumble. At least this time, it landed on top of the Angel, pinning it to the ground. The core was exposed, glittering and cracked. As Shinji tried to get back up, I saw my opportunity, and again crawled for his hand.

This time, I grabbed his hand, and guided it down. Thankfully, he seemed to have an idea what direction to numbly swat the hand this time, and the armored knuckles whipped onto the core, widening the cracks. Two more times, and the core split.

And with that, I defeated my first Angel. It was far different from what I had imagined in my dreams, but I didn't care. The reality of it outweighed the flaws, as all I had studied came to fruition. Why, the Angel's body was even bubbling, just like what Yui said would happen during wave-form collap-

The pop of red-orange that splashed against the Evangelion was a lot messier than in my dreams. A lot louder, too. My ears were still ringing when I turned to look at Shinji again, to see if he was now going to try and swat the rat in his seat.

Instead, however, he was just looking at me, his big blue eyes wide more in disbelief and curiosity, than revulsion. We looked at each other, then at the evaporating puddle that was the Angel, then back to each other. He was still staring at me when the plug went dark, and the Eva leaned forward in deactivation.

 

[Thuktun F]

Shinji was quick to clamber out of his seat as soon as the LCL began to drain and the hatch slid open. Leaning over the lip of the entrance, he hacked up the orange liquid in a rather undignified manner, spattering onto the deck of the cage. Looking up, he saw Misato and Dr. Akagi standing just outside, along with a handful of technicians.

Climbing out of the plug fully, he hugged himself, uncomfortably aware of how waterlogged his clothes were now. Thankfully, it seemed Misato had thought ahead on that, and had brought a towel. He graciously took it and wrapped it around himself, fighting the urge to shiver.

Of course, all of these feelings were superseded by the numb shock he was still in. He should've died out there. He could barely crawl or take a step; the Angel had him where it wanted him.

But he was still alive, and the Angel was dead.

Because a rat helped him pilot.

He was still doubting his sanity when Misato spoke, and intruded into his little world. "You did a good job out there, Shinji. Are you alright?"

He nodded, eyes furtively looking around the chamber they had brought the Evangelion back to.

"You had us worried for a while. We didn't have time to properly set up the holocamera system in the plug, so we couldn't tell how you were taking to piloting."

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Misato stifled a laugh. "What's to be sorry for, Shinji. You won. Better than the MAGI were expecting, too."

"Yeah," he said, uneasily. "I did."

Now it was Dr. Akagi's turn to speak. "You'll also have to undergo a post-mission physical. Lieutenant Ibuki here will escort you to the locker room first, though; you must be feeling like a drowned-"

Then her tired eyes popped open, and Shinji jolted as she jabbed a finger just slightly to his left. "RAT!"

Spinning to follow her gesture, Shinji saw that the rat -the one who had saved his life- had been trying to discretely exit the plug, still drenched in LCL. Its eyes met with his, unusually large and expressive, its terror palpable.

Several things happened in short order. Dr. Akagi shrieked, and the rat bolted away from the plug, towards the back of the Evangelion. Its path was cut off by a suddenly-thrown clipboard, however, and it darted in the opposite direction, only for someone else to toss a hardhat at it and barely miss. In his peripheral vision, he saw a young woman technician spark up a blowtorch and prepare to bear down on the rat.

It was then that he found himself reaching forward and catching the small rodent in his hands, almost hunched over to protect it from whatever new projectiles was sent its way. It briefly tried to struggle in his grip, only to seem to give up as he clutched it close to his chest and turned around.

The gathered personnel were all looking at him, with various expressions. Dr. Akagi seemed ready to either faint or grab for Misato's gun, while Misato herself seemed more confused and concerned. The technician with the blowtorch, whom he had previously thought to be rather meek and inoffensive, now had a steely glare directed at the rat.

There was a moment of silence, then Misato bent forward to look at the technician.

"Maya, where did you get the blowtorch?"

Maya blinked, then looked down and turned it off. "I don't know."

"Shinji, that rat's a biohazard," Dr. Akagi ordered, voice shaky. "You need to give it to me for disposal."

"But..." he fumbled for an answer other than 'it saved my life and can pilot the Eva'. "...he's... my... pet rat."

Misato tilted her head to the side. "Wait, I don't remember seeing him."

"He... was in my backpack," he mumbled, then a little more resolutely, "I sometimes put him my pocket when I'm nervous. I-I guess I forgot to take him out when I went in the Eva."

Thank goodness his nervous look could be associated to him just coming out of a fight with a giant monster he still didn't understand. Misato seemed to buy it, if her relaxing posture meant anything. Dr. Akagi seemed ready to reluctantly follow suit, until her eyes widened again, as if in horrified recognition.

"Wait, that's the rat from before!" she said, pointing again. Her eye was twitching again.

"What?" Shinji and Misato asked again.

"Senpai," Maya began, gently.

"-don't 'senpai' me, that's the rat that was in my office! The one from the colony with the... with the city..." She seemed to lose her bluster as everyone began to give her a concerned look, particularly Misato. She cleared her throat. "It's a wild rat. We need to terminate it."

"Rits, let the kid keep his rat," Misato said, holding up her hands like she was trying to soothe a spooked horse. "He just saved the planet, okay?"

"Misato, there's no telling what contact with the Eva might have done to it. It might cause-"

"What's going on here?" a gruff voice said.

The group parted like the Red Sea, and Shinji saw Dad stepping through, standing well above the others. His eyes studied him, and Shinji felt as though someone had put an ice cube on his nape.

"Commander, the Third Child is simply reluctant to let us dispose of a wild-" Dr. Akagi began, only to quiet when Dad raised his hand palm-first in her general direction.

"I was asking the pilot." He stepped closer, looming over Shinji. "What is going on here?"

Shinji shrank under the shadow, and cautiously looked into his eyes. "I, uh, brought my pet rat with me, but Dr. Akagi thinks he's a stray and wants to put him down, and..."

He fell quiet as his father continued to stare into his eyes. Then he looked down at the rat, and Shinji saw an expression he never remembered seeing on his father- a scrunched brow. The look he then gave Shinji seemed to say "You're lying."

However, he simply leaned back and spoke aloud. "This is clearly a pet, Dr. Akagi. The pilot will, however, understand that if it is brought into NERV again, it must be put down to avoid a potential biohazard."

Then he quietly walked away, and Shinji looked back to the others. Dr. Akagi looked like she was on the verge of a stroke, while Misato gave him a sympathetic glance. He looked down to rat, who was staring back with wide eyes.

He sighed. Why did it feel like fighting the Angel was not going to be the craziest part of his day?

鼠​

Misato was kind enough to give him a cardboard box with holes in it -"A backpack is a terrible place to carry a pet, Shinji," she had admonished- to put the rat in as they drove to her apartment. It was night out in Tokyo-3, now, and he watched the glittering skyline through the car window as they sped down empty streets.

They walked up to the apartment in silence- even the rat was staying quiet in the box- and Misato opened the door.

"Welcome to my humble abode," she said, gesturing inside. "This will be your home until we figure out where you're staying."

After a moment, he stepped inside, looking around at the apartment. Or, rather, the piles of empty boxes and wrappers obscuring the apartment from sight. He numbly walked into the kitchen, looking around.

"I have to go back and complete a mountain of paperwork, but I'll be back in time for some late night snacks." Misato smiled. "Make yourself at home. Bye!"

Then she was gone, and he was alone in the apartment.

No, not alone.

Opening the box, he scooped the rat out and put it on the countertop. For its part, it stood on its hind legs, looking at him expectantly. Shinji sucked in a deep breath.

Then he grabbed at his hair and screamed.

"What just happened! I woke up this morning expecting just to see where my dad works! But no, instead I nearly get stomped on by a giant monster, and then I nearly get nuked, then I'm told I have to pilot a giant robot... thing and fight the giant monster, and..."

He shook his head and began to pace back and forth, kicking empty beer cans out of the way.

"This is insane! I should be dead! I can't pilot that thing. What were they thinking? It had me right where it wanted. But then-"

He looked at the rat, who seemed to be following the rant along, albeit with a concerned expression.

"You did something! You somehow caused me to kill the Angel, and now I'm bringing you here because I don't know if I'm losing my mind about seeing you help me pilot the Eva, and now I'm talking to a rat and... did you know what you were doing?"

The rat nodded. Shinji pulled at his hair again, eyes closed. "I don't even know why I'm here. I... I'm not a hero. But my father actually wanted me for something for once, and-"

He stopped.

Eyes now wide open, he looked back to the rat.

"Did... did you just nod?"

The rat nodded.

"You can understand me?"

Another nod.

"Not a trick?"

It shook its head this time, and Shinji actually relaxed a little. He wasn't going crazy- it was just everything and everyone else that was going crazy. He let out a nervous laugh, and ran his hands through his hair.

"What were you even doing in there? Just an accident?"

The rat gave a kind of so-so expression.

"What do you mean, kind of? You don't kind of accidentally get in there. I mean, I guess I did, but..." He shook his head. "You just told me you knew what you were doing. How?"

The rat scratched its chin, as if in deep thought, then padded over to a ledger Misato had left on the counter. Flipping the cover, it tapped the paper.

"So you read about it..." Shinji murmured, only to get struck by another realization. "Wait, you can read? Can you write, too?"

The rat nodded, a little slower this time. Shinji looked about the kitchen, saw a paper bag, and grabbed it. Pulling the pen out from the ledger's slot, he handed it to the rat, who took it in both paws.

"Um, I guess we should introduce each other first." He tapped his chest. "I'm Shinji. What's your name?"

The rat slowly began to write in scratchy Latin characters. Shinji watched, enraptured, as a name formed.

"Re, rei, reh," he said, slowly, trying to remember his scant English lessons. "Remy. That's your name?"

Another nod.

"That's not a Japanese name."

Remy looked at him like he was an idiot for asking that. Shinji decided to move on.

"Where did you learn to pilot the Eva?"

akagi office, wrote Remy.

"Wait, so she was actually right?" Shinji grimaced. "I don't think she'd be happy about that."

Remy shrugged.

"So that's why you were in the Eva. You... you actually want to pilot that thing?"

Remy gave him a resolute look, chest puffed out, and nodded curtly.

"But you can't, because Dr. Akagi wants to put her down."

A grimace and a nod.

"But if... if I can somehow sneak you into the plug, then you can pilot like you did before." He slowly began to smile. "And, I can stay here, where Dad wants me."

Remy seemed less focused on that, and more on looking longingly at the fridge. Shinji followed his gaze, and understood.

"I'll get you something." He got up and moved to the fridge. Opening it up, he saw there was little but junk food and beer, but he managed to find a single kiwi Misato must have forgotten.

"Let's seal the deal with this," he suggested, cutting the kiwi in half and turning around. "Then-"

Remy was gone. Shinji looked around furtively, starting to feel nervous.

"No, no," he muttered, walking over. "No..."

There was no way he could find him in this mess. And that was assuming he hadn't already squeezed through the door and ran back out. Shinji slumped to the floor, and hugged his knees.

"It's over," he mumbled, trying to curl into a ball so hard he'd scrunch out of existence. "For once, Dad actually wanted me for something, and now I can't even do that. Even a rat thinks I'm a burden."

Then, suddenly, he heard crinkling wrappers, and looked up to see Remy slowly padding back towards him. The rat seemed to be studying him, an understanding look on his face.

Shinji wiped at his eyes with his arm, then sat up. "Are we going to actually do it? Partners?"

Remy nodded, and held out a paw in a handshake. Shinji almost laughed at the absurdity of it, then extended a fingertip. They shook 'hands'.

"Partners," he said. Then, he handed over the kiwi.

Remy ravenously tore into it, and Shinji squeezed his own half of the fruit and began eating it. They sat like that for a while, munching on slightly overripe fruit, watching each other.

And with that, a beautiful partnership was born.

 

[Thuktun F]

Enjoy this omake I made in response to a joke on the SB thread.

TOKYO-3, LATE EVENING

The familiar sound of webbed feet slapping on hardwood flooring drew Shinji's attention away from the cookbook in his lap. Looking up, he saw Pen-Pen waddling by, a newspaper tucked under one flipper as usual. Well, as usual as could be- he'd been living here nearly a month already, but Shinji still hadn't fully adjusted to the reality of a literal penguin walking around the apartment.

Pen-Pen padded towards the direction of his freezer-turned-room, only to change course at the last minute and make for the front door. Twisting in his seat, Shinji watched as the bird tapped the latch-button with his free flipper, the door sliding open.

"Wait, where-?" Shinji began, only to be silenced when Pen-Pen looked back with what he swore was a suspicious glare.

Then he stepped outside, and the door shut behind him. Shinji blinked a few times, then slowly resumed his old position on the couch, the book forgotten.

It wasn't long after that Misato strolled into the living room from the shower, humming some tune as she adjusted the towel wrapped about her head. She seemed to notice the shaken look on his face, and stopped humming.

"What's wrong?"

"Pen-Pen, he, uh..." Shinji licked dry lips. "He just walked out the front door."

Instead of the expected reaction, however, Misato just laughed. "Oh, he does that every once in a while. Don't worry, he'll be back in a bit."

"Wait, what does he do when he's out? Where does he go?"

"Why should I pry?" Misato shrugged. "Even a penguin deserves some privacy."

企鹅
​

It was already dark as he made his way down the apartment steps, hopping down them one at a time. The lot was abandoned, save for Misato's shiny Alpine, and so he walked freely across the lot and towards the quieter part of down, near the abandoned apartment buildings birthed from the overzealous reconstruction of a broken world.

There was only a lone encounter on the path, an older man smoking a cigarette as he leaned against his car. He gave the penguin a furtive glance, then quickly looked away, as if trying to forget what he had just seen.

Eventually, he arrived at the rendezvous point, a gravel-lain clearing near the woods. Waddling up to the usual rock, he sat down upon it and began to read his newspaper. Aside from the constant buzzing of cicadas, there was only silence.

Right on schedule, the nondescript jalopy rolled into the clearing, gravel crunching beneath the tires. It came to a stop right behind him, engine still humming. He heard the whir of the window rolling down.

"Were you followed?"

"No, sir."

The engine turned off, and he heard a light mass jump down to the gravel, followed by two more. He turned around, folding the newspaper as he did, and faced three more penguins.

"Good work as usual, Kowalksi."

"Thank you, Skipper." He finally pulled off the fake crest from the top of his head, and shrugged off the backpack. "They have no clue."

"And let's keep it that way." Skipper pointed a flipper his way. "Kowalksi, I want an update."

'Pen-Pen' straightened, a soldier at attention. "Skipper, the Katsuragi woman leaves her work paperwork poorly guarded as usual. I've managed to read four top-secret NERV communiques this past week."

"Anything juicy, or is it more budget nonsense?"

Kowalski opened his newspaper, revealing photocopies of the communiques. "Next week, the Second Child is due to arrive in Japan. Unit-02 is coming with her. The Katsuragi woman is already preparing the paperwork to become her legal guardian.

"Then she'll be bringing her red-tinted brand of pubescent pilot paininto the household," Skipper mused. "What is the Third's status?"

"Still depressed, sir. Even my cuddly penguin act hasn't gotten him out of his shell."

"He's a useful asset to them as long as he stays like this. Utterly unacceptable." Skipper pointed to the short pudgy penguin. "Private, we might have to insert you next week, as Kowalski's long-lost brother. You will improve the mental state of all pilots, do you hear me?"

"I'll try my best, Skippah," Private replied.

"Don't try. Do." Skipper then pointed to the scarred penguin to his right. "Rico."

"Kaboom?"

"Not yet. Show Kowalski what we swiped from the Berlin MAGI."

Rico opened his beak wide, and hacked up a slimy datadisc. Kowalski grabbed it and inserted it into the secret computer he had in his fake life support pack. Connecting to the Tokyo-3 MAGI on a private tap, he quickly decrypted the data. His eyes widened.

"The Jet Alone demonstration tomorrow. They're going to sabotage it with a computer virus!"

"Good god," Skipper said. "Can you counter it?"

"Of course I can," Kowalksi replied, already writing up the code. "But I'll still need a physical delivery system."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Skipper replied. "We already found our in."

As if on cue, there was a muffled screaming from the trunk. They waddled over as a group, and Rico opened the trunk to reveal a bound and gagged NERV technician, still in uniform. His glasses were askew, but Kowalski still recognized him as the man who somehow thought bringing the Katsuragi woman's pants to the laundromat would let him get inside them.

"Skipper, this man might recognize me."

"Not to worry." Skipper looked to Hyuga. "No one will believe you about this, won't they?"

Hyuga screamed again, only to be silenced when Rico slapped him.

Kowalksi looked away, back to Skipper. "Sir, I can stop the Jet Alone from going awry, but so far our options against SEELE are still worryingly scant."

"Don't you know I always save the best for last, Kowalski? Rico, show him."

Rico gagged again, and now a solid block of orange bakelite slowly emerged from out his throat, sliding to the ground. Encased within was a spindly embryo of sorts, little more than a skeletal system with skin and eyes.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Oh yes, Kowalksi. The shrunken seed of the Fruit of Life itself. Our ace in the hole has finally arrived. We intercepted it en route from NERV-1 in Boston."

"I was the one who pinched it!" Private said, excitedly.

"What are we going to do with it?"

"Rico will hold onto it for now, while we leverage it against our bespectacled bastard friend in the Geofront."

"I'm star'ing to get nervous abou' it, Skippa," Private said. "We're in the thick'o'it now. What if we don't succeed?"

Skipper's jovial expression became more solemn, back straightening.

"We made our oath fifteen years ago, boys. Antarctica will be avenged. And no wizened wannabe wizards, or daddy dours, or megalomaniacal mommies are going to stop us."

They hi-fived with the air of laying a loved one to rest.

企鹅
​

It was close to midnight when Shinji heard the front door slide open. Creeping out of his room, he saw the silhouette of Pen-Pen returning to his freezer, just as Misato said he would. Breathing a sigh of relief, he went back into his room and tried to get some sleep. Yet, try as he might, a silly thought kept nagging at him.

Was Pen-Pen's crest backwards?

 

[Thuktun F]

Did you know that rats sleep about twelve hours a day? I'm not being rhetorical here, either- I'm asking if that's common knowledge for you humans, because Shinji didn't know, and hoo boy did that become obvious next morning.

I was having a good dream, thanks to the excitement of suddenly accomplishing my lifelong goal of piloting the Eva, and thanks to the kiwi I ate. There I was, sitting in the seat of the entry plug, paws gripping the yokes as I grappled with the Angel, the same one that I'd killed last night. I had it on its back, and I held a prog knife high, ready to plunge it into its core-

-and then a giant finger poked me in the belly.

I know you humans don't have to worry about some bloodthirsty giants trying to crush you -well, normally anyway- but for us rats, it's like a tiger waking you up by giving your neck a love nibble. In an instant I was in full panic mode, my entire body practically levitating off the ground as I let out a shriek.

"Sorry!" a very unthreatening voice shrieked back.

The fog of interrupted sleep was whipped away. I was not about to become kitty kibble, I was not in a trap, and my insides were still on the inside. Patting my tummy to convince my sleep-deprived brain of that last fact, I looked up with a bleary expression. Shinji was on his hands and knees, looking down into the padded box that was my temporary bed, a concerned look on his face.

It was actually a little strange, seeing a human look at me with concern, rather than "eek! get the blowtorch!" Too bad I was too groggy to appreciate that.

Folding my arms, I tapped my little paw on the floor of the box and tried to give the best half-disappointed half-expecting look I could muster.

"What?" Shinji said, defensively. "It's time to get up. I need to go to school."

School?

Before I could protest, a giant hand scooped me up, and I was carried out of the room like a toy. It didn't help that he held me in a way so that my legs dangled and my arms were forced up, leaving me feeling a lot like the sushi rolls Dr. Akagi sometimes ate.

Shinji carried me back into the kitchen, or, rather, the fields of trash that had a kitchen underneath. He'd cleared off the table, thankfully, and he dropped me off. The aroma of something savory gave my nose a gentle kiss, and I saw he'd made himself a bowl of rice with an egg on top. It smelled a lot better than the processed junk served at NERV cafeterias.

"You hungry?" Shinji asked.

Did I just defeat an Angel yesterday?

I nodded, and Shinji scooped some of the egg and rice into a little teacup, then slid it over. No utensils, unfortunately, but honestly the egg was so good I didn't even care as I dug in. He'd used just the right amount of oil while frying it up, and the rice was the perfect vessel to soak up the runny yolk, the flavor combination practically dancing and singing in my head.

The kid might not be much of a pilot, but he was definitely a great cook.

I was just about done when I heard something in the distance, my ears swiveling towards the front of the apartment. Something big was on the move, broad feet slapping against linoleum. Shinji didn't seem to notice, what with his little human ears that were practically useless, but to me it was as clear as day.

The sound got closer, then suddenly one of the chairs scooted back, and that finally got Shinji's attention. He and I both stared as some thing hopped onto the chair, a towering black and white beast that looked like it was wearing one of those tuxedos I sometimes saw in fashion magazines NERV personnel threw away. A newspaper was tucked under one of its flippers, while the other held a can of beer.

"Is... is that a penguin?" Shinji asked aloud.

The monster finally had a name. The "penguin" looked straight at me with beady eyes, the soulless eyes of a predator. A red crest on its head flared, and its beak opened, blasting my nose with the pungent stench of fish and wet feathers.

"W ᴀ ʀ ᴋ."

Tossing the beer and newspaper aside, it clambered onto the table, claws extending from the tips of its flippers to dig into the faux-mahogany tabletop as it lunged at me. Thankfully it was pretty clumsy at it, and my well-honed instincts of avoiding NERV personnel let me jump out of the way and towards Shinji.

The kid for his part just gave out a yelp of surprise at the penguin's attack, before realizing what was going on and grabbing me. It was still the terrible hold of before, but I didn't mind now as he pulled me away from the ravenous beast that thirsted for my blood. I flicked my tail up just in time to avoid the thing's snapping beak, and Shinji took the two of us away from the table.

The penguin hopped up and down on the table, still waving its clawed flippers in a futile attempt to grab me. Shinji held me high, far away from its hideous maw.

"Get back!" he shouted. "Shoo! Shoo!"

"W ᴀ ʀ ᴋ," it said in reply.

"What's going on here?" a third voice asked. I craned my head to see the Misato lady come out of her room, looking like she'd slept as well as I had. "Shinji?"

"There's this penguin trying to eat Remy!"

Misato hurried over and grabbed the thing, making it look so easy to render this monster powerless in her grasp.

"Pen-Pen!" she chided.

It flailed in her grip, letting loose another hideous cry.

"Pen-Pen," she warned again.

The thing called Pen-Pen calmed down, a defeated look on its face. Did knowing its true name bind it to her will? It was the only thing that made sense. Misato tucked it under her arm, rubbing her face.

"So," she said, stifling a yawn. "Remy, huh? That's a funny name for a pet rat."

I gave the best glare I could muster while still being held like a toy. Hey, my dad picked the name. It's a good name- I don't know what it means or where he got it from, but it's still a good name. If you ask me, names like Shinji and Misato are the funny ones.

"I got it from a... French cookbook," Shinji said.

"Huh. Well, I hope Remy's alright after the scare Pen-Pen gave him. He won't bother him anymore." She looked at the bound beast in question and made a kissy face. "Isn't that right, Pen-Pen? You're not going to go eating Shinji's rat, no you're not. Only bad penguins eat pets, yes they dooo~"

Pen-Pen warked in resignation.

"I'm still not comfortable leaving Remy here while I'm at school," Shinji said. "He's coming with me."

Yes, good human. I had no idea what a school was, but it had to be infinitely better than staying with the tuxedo demon.

"Well, normally I'd say no to taking a rat to school, buuut you did save the entire human race last night, so I'll call the principal on the way over." Misato began walking over to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a quick shower, and then I'll drive you over, 'kay?"

"Alright," Shinji said, sounding a bit uneasy.

Misato closed the door, and the kid looked my way, letting out a long sigh. He set me back down on the table, then ran a hand through his surprisingly long hair.

"Well that was..." he trailed off, language clearly failing him. "Well, school can't get any worse, right?"

I gave him a shrug.

"That's still weird."

I shrugged again.

鼠​

"...the resulting waves killed approximately one billion people, while the conflicts that followed as direct result killed another two by February..."

Shinji's eyelids drooped as he slowly leaned forward, before the briefest sensation of falling forced him awake again and he jolted in his seat. Thankfully the teacher didn't notice, considering he wasn't even looking at the class as he wrote on the chalkboard, and the other students didn't notice either, their attention focused on their laptops.

Sighing, he looked at his own laptop. His old school didn't have any, and he never actually owned one- only the occasional encounter with the desktop at the library had given him any clue of what to do. Hesitantly, he opened the homework folder, figuring it would be a good idea to get started while the teacher rambled on.

The box on his desk rustled as Remy poked his head out, giving a furtive look around. The rat slowly crept out of the box, then scooted over to the computer, a curious look on his face. Shinji glanced around again to make sure no one noticed, but considering no one had even asked him what was in the box with air holes, it was clear he was beneath their radar.

Shinji looked back to the homework folder. Algebra questions. The first one was x²=9, which was easy enough to solve, the screen producing a green checkmark. The next was y=2x³-4, where x equaled 2. He put in 8, and was about to submit the answer when Remy smacked his hand with a pencil.

"What?" he whispered, so quiet even he could barely hear it.

Remy shook his head, then put in 12 and hit the enter key. A green checkmark appeared on the screen.

Oh, so the rat was also better than him at math. Great. Absolutely nothing strange about that, no siree.

Deciding to put the homework aside for the time being, he noticed a chatbox at the bottom of the toolbar and decided to click it. It soon became obvious this was what the students were all focusing on, with a group chat that he'd been invited to going crazy with discussion.

kotaro: the entire street's been blocked off
kotaro: i saw giant footprints, guys

hikari: so that was the evangelion thing?

aoki: had to be

kensuke: rumors from the leaks are that they transferred in a new pilot. young. beat the angel faster than they were expecting

toji: can't wait to find you in a ditch, man

kensuke: he might be in this very classroom

Remy crossed his arms and gave him a smug knowing look, which was still something that gave him a lot of cognitive dissonance to see on a rat. Shinji shook his head, then noticed that he'd been pinged on the chat.

kensuke: shinji hey transfer, spill it. you the pilot?

Remy shook his head, waving his little rat arms. Shinji gave a smug look of his own.

shinji: yes

At once a kid near the back made a strangled squawk not too dissimilar to the penguin, and Shinji felt a few eyes on him, followed by furious typing. Notifications flooded the chat, questions and exclamations filling the feed.

The student in front of him, a taller boy in a tracksuit, decided to cut the middleman and turned over.

"Man, you're a literal lifesaver. My sister nearly got-"

He trailed off, and Shinji realized that the boy's height meant that he could look over the screen, considering his eyes were now fixed on Remy.

"Oh shit, a rat!" He suddenly grabbed his backpack and swung with surprising force.

Fortunately, the taller boy's aim was off, missing Remy by a mile. Unfortunately, this entailed the backpack smashing right into Shinji's face. There was a sensation of falling, the screech of a chair, and he found himself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.

"Students, no talking during the lecture," the teacher said.

The taller boy's concerned face filled Shinji's vision. "Aw shit. Sorry, man. You okay?"

"blup."

The student grabbed his hand and dragged him up, surprisingly strong. Shinji climbed back into his seat, and was relieved to see that Remy had managed to escape back to his box, a whiskered snout poking out from under the lid.

"Sorry again," the boy was saying. "I saw a rat. How did you not see it?"

Shinji pointed at the box, the intricacies of language escaping him for the time being. "Pet."

A look of dawning realization crossed the boy's face. "Ohhhh. That, uh, that makes sense. I guess. You can take pets to school? Oh, is it a pilot's perk? Sorry for blabbering, but you know I accidentally smashed ya in the face, and..."

The class rep was on the other end of the room, yet her glare still was felt and seen, withering the taller student's resolve. He offered an apologetic look.

"I'm Toji." He offered a hand.

Shinji shook mechanically. "Shinji."

Toji turned back to his laptop. Shinji simply stared at the screen, letting his cognitive faculties slowly return as the chat continued to explode.

Remy poked his head out of the box and offered a sympathetic wince. Shinji returned the wince, then sighed. At least the day couldn't get worse from here, right?

鼠​

"So how did school go?" Misato asked, the car rattling as she banked a corner.

Shinji shrugged. "Okay. Tired."

"I can imagine. I was always stressed out going to school. Meeting new people was hard for me growing up."

He had a hard time believing that, considering she'd dumped more words on him on the car ride to the Geofront than he'd said in a week.

"Well, hopefully you're not too tired," Misato continued. "You have a long evening ahead of you."

He looked over. "What?"

"Well, you are the only line of defense for humankind right now. We need to train you, you know. We're heading back down to HQ so you can practice piloting the Eva."

Shinji swallowed. "Oh, yeah, duh."

He looked down at the box in his lap. Remy poked his head out, mirroring the concerned expression on his face. They still hadn't come up with a plan for how they were going to actually pilot together.

Well, last time they winged it, they'd taken down an Angel. Maybe they could wing it again and find a way of keeping Remy from being chucked into an incinerator by Dr. Akagi.

Right?
--------
Happy belated birthday, @Pineapple . I hope you enjoy this gift.

 

[Thuktun F]

The backpack got stifling surprisingly fast. At the very least I wasn't in the box as well- Shinji dropped it off at the apartment to maintain the illusion that I wasn't going to HQ with him. As it was, I was starting to get a headache from tasting my own stale breath as we made our way through the security checkpoints. Thank goodness no one thought he was actually a security risk.

"Good afternoon, Shinji," Dr. Akagi said.

Well, almost no one.

"Oh, um, hello doctor."

"I'm just here to drop off your plugsuit." Even through the backpack I could smell the tobacco, and I crinkled my nose. "You don't have anything delicate on you, do you? Don't want it getting wet."

Like his secret rat coworker?

"Uh, no. I brought my bag, but it's just books."

There was a worryingly long pause, then Dr. Akagi said, "Well, just keep them secure. Be sure to press the button on your right wrist when you put the suit on."

I could hear the crinkling of plastic as she gave him the suit, followed by the click-clacking of her heels as she walked away. A few moments passed, then slowly Shinji zipped the bag open, his hand sticking in.

"No one's here. You can come out."

I hopped onto his palm, and he pulled me out. I had smelled the pipes as we came in, but now I knew for sure we were in the locker room. I'd skittered above it once or twice, and knew that the only cameras watched the door, not the interior. I remember reading an email about how that came about due to rather physical complaints from NERV-Berlin.

"Okay," Shinji said, looking down at me. "So... how do we do this?"

I shrugged.

"That's really helpful." He set me on the shelf of his locker, then looked at the shrink-wrapped plugsuit. "Maybe this thing has pockets?"

Not according to the notes I read. I informed him as best as I could, shaking my head. Thankfully, he understood.

"Seriously?" He held up the suit, removing the plastic wrapping as he studied it. "They can build that giant... robot... thing, but I can't have pockets?"

I rankled at that, wanting to explain to him about how they needed to minimize the material that separated him from the plug in order to reduce noise in the nervous system overlay that would allow him to link his mind to the primal consciousness of the Evangelion, and that he should've been lucky he wasn't going in naked with electrodes all over his body.

But I couldn't. Because I'm a rat. The best I could do was an eye roll.

Shinji started unbuttoning his shirt, then paused and looked my way. "Um, could you turn around?"

Ah, humans and their embarrassment about not having any real fur. I looked away, listening to the soft sounds of him folding his clothes, followed by the much louder creaking and squeaking as he pulled the plugsuit on.

"Okay, you can look now."

I turned, and had to stifle a laugh. He hadn't pressurized the suit, leaving it ridiculously baggy on his skinny frame. It reminded me of how puffy Emile got whenever he accidentally gave himself a little zap moving too fast through some of the metal vents. Shinji himself seemed happy with the result, however.

"Hey, this is actually pretty airy," he said. "I think I can hide you in the collar."

Before I could protest he picked me up and stuffed me in said collar, on the nape of his neck. The suit material had an unpleasant smell to it, still carrying the scent of cleaning products and whatever industrial processes had made the thing. The collar was already a bit of a tight fit, sandwiching me between it and his clammy skin. Why humans made so much sweat, I didn't know, and I didn't like it.

"You good?" he asked. "One tap for no, two for yes."

I reluctantly tapped him twice.

"Okay, then I think we might actually have something," Shinji said. "Now... oh wait, I have to press the wrist button like Dr. Akagi said."

My eyes widened. I almost forgot about that particular function of the plugsuit.

"Hey kid, wait!" I protested. "It's vac-"

I didn't get the rest out before I found myself getting pressed against the suit like a vise, my face forced into his smelly skin as the suit shrink-wrapped about his body. Rats actually have collapsible skeletons, which is good for getting into tight fits, but not great for getting vacuum-sealed. I was flattened into a little rat pancake against his body, the air forced out of my lungs.

This is usually the part where you panic. Which I definitely did. And when rats panic, we tend to do that thing that usually solves most of our problems.

CHOMP

---

鼠​

---

Ritsuko was just about at the end of the hallway when he heard the high-pitched shriek of pain from the locker room. Immediately she froze, the unlit cigarette in the corner of her mouth forgotten. Possibilities raced through her mind. Did the pilot have an accident? Had some assassin somehow slinked in unseen? Or-

"Okay! Okay! I'm getting the suit off!"

Her eyes widened. The rat.

She raced back down the hallway, regretting her insistence on wearing heels all the time as she was forced into an awkward trot, shoes clacking loudly in the empty hallway. She held her wrist up, ready to call in Section Five at a moment's notice.

"Stay where you are!" she panted, and she promptly regretted the chain-smoking as well.

She burst through the door, shoulders hunched as though she were ready to pounce upon anything small and furry trying to scamper away. Her eyes searched the room frantically, before falling upon the obviously-shocked Third Child.

A Third Child who had his plugsuit on, and was curiously(?) absent a rat.

"Um," Shinji said, brow scrunched in concern. "Is everything alright, Dr. Akagi?"

"I-" she began, then clicked her jaw shut. She straightened. "I heard a shout."

The boy blushed. "Oh, that was... um... it got too tight around..."

She blinked, feeling a blush of her own come on. "Oh. I should've warned you about that."

"It's alright," he said. One of his nerve clips was off-kilter, and he hurriedly fixed it. "I'm all set now."

She coughed and straightened, smoothing out her lab coat. "That's good. Since I'm here, I might as well escort you to the Eva cage, in case you get lost."

"Oh, okay," Shinji said, unsteadily.

The two walked down the hall in silence, broken only by the click-clacking of her heels and the near-constantly squeaking of his plugsuit. The boy seemed uncomfortable, but that admittedly might've just been the fact he was wearing a skintight suit. She occasionally flitted her eyes to the side, as if expecting to find the lump of a vacuum-sealed rat hidden on his back or elsewhere.

Shinji caught notice, and looked over with a concerned look. "Um, are you okay? Your eye's..."

She rubbed the corner of her eye, trying to hide the twitch. "Just a tic. Nothing to worry about."

---

鼠​

---

Thank goodness Shinji washed his hair. I don't think I could've handled the smell otherwise.

My little heart was still pounding in my chest even by the time we got to the Eva cage. It was nothing short of miraculous luck that one of the A10 nerve clips was actually just hollow plastic, meant to serve as a balance to the real clip so it wouldn't slide off the pilot's head. The dark line was actually just dark translucent glass, meaning I could see the outside world.

The Evangelion looked just as awe-inspiring the second time around, submerged up to its shoulders in LCL. The smell of blood still drilled into my nostrils, but I managed to keep from making a fuss, especially considering Dr. Akagi was right next to me.

"Well, this is where you climb in," she said, gesturing to the open entry plug. "Good luck, Shinji."

I nearly slipped out as Shinji nodded his head awkwardly, and then the boy started climbing into the plug. Something told me he still wasn't used to it. Why? Well, the top of the hatch was coming a bit close towards the top of his head, and fast at that. Even if he wasn't hiding a rat in his hair it would've ruined his day, and that's not getting into how it would've ruined my day. Mainly by getting me thrown into an incinerator.

I grabbed his hair and tugged, hoping it would alert him, but instead I discovered fire.

The kid did a near ninety-degree bend back, limbo-walking into the plug, and as I stopped pulling he straightened again like someone had let go of a bowstring, nearly falling forward into his seat. He stiffened, clearly not expecting that just as much as I had, then looked back at Dr. Akagi and giggled nervously.

"Almost bumped my head there."

She just looked at him tiredly, then motioned for the hatch to shut. Shinji sat in the control seat, gripping the yokes.

"How did you do that?" he whispered.

I shrugged, still holding his hair, and suddenly he shrugged with me. I couldn't see his face, but something told me his eyes turned as wide as mine. When I tugged the hair to left, and his arms went in that direction, the realization hit me.

It hit him, too. "Remy, I think we just found our in."

---

鼠​

---

The atmosphere in the testing control room was off, Misato noticed as she ducked inside. There was a mountain of paperwork still on her desk, but she figured that was less important than checking on the pilot.

"So how did the simulations go?" she asked, plopping on the spare swivel chair.

"About as expected," Ritsuko said, not looking away from the computer. "Disastrous."

"That bad, Rits?" Misato started spinning the chair around, arms behind her head. "He beat the Angel in real life."

"He got lucky, if you remember his flailing and tripping," Ritsuko said. "He was hardly any better this time. He moved around like he was half a marionette, the other half like Frankenstein's monster. He only managed to repeat his success in one test, out of twenty-five. In the rest he lost to the Angel, and in half of those he destroyed more of the city than it."

"Hey, that's better than destroying the city in all of them," Misato supplied helpfully. "Anyway, you done with him for the day?"

The scientist sighed. "Yes. But he'll need to go in tomorrow as well. We have no idea when the next Angel is coming, and if he doesn't improve soon, we're doomed."

"Well, you know what they say- if at first you don't succeed, try try again."

"Sun Tzu?" Ritsuko supplied, smirking.

Misato gave a smirk of her own. "Mickey Mouse."

Ritsuko snapped a look her way, and Misato couldn't help but laugh. She was still chuckling as she made her way out of the room.

---

鼠​

---

It was close to seven in the evening when they got back to the apartment, after picking up some takeout. Misato called the school and told them Shinji was going to take the day off for rest- he was tempted to tell her that he could go in, if only so he wouldn't have nothing to do but focus on how badly the simulation training had gone.

He picked at his fried noodles, resting his cheek on his palm as he stared at his plate. Remy was similarly mopey, half-heartedly nibbling on a grape he'd put in a small teacup for him. Misato didn't seem very happy with sharing the table with a rat, but he figured he was still riding on the wave of saving the world from a giant monster yesterday.

"Oh, what's there to be so glum about!" she suddenly exclaimed cheerfully, waggling her beer can at him.

He looked her way, and out the corner of his eye he saw Remy do the same.

"So what if your first tests went bad? Everyone sucks at the beginning, Shinji. First time I got into a driver's seat, I gave my instructor whiplash just from hitting the accelerator. So know what I did? I practiced. I tried new ways of practicing, until I found the right way, and then I kept on practicing until I could pass my test."

Considering the way she drove, maybe not the best analogy, Shinji thought. Then again, she'd managed avoid getting pancaked by a giant monster foot. Maybe she was right.

She finished her beer, then stood up with her plate. "You just need to practice. Like that British song. You get knocked down, but you get up again, and ain't nobody ever gonna keep you down."

Despite himself, he smiled at that, and she smiled as well.

"I'm going to get some sleep. You don't have school tomorrow, so don't worry about staying up too late."

She padded to her room, and shut the door. It was almost immediately that she started snoring like a chainsaw, and Shinji shook his head in astonishment. He looked back to his dish, idly watching his hand pick up the noodles with the chopsticks. He remembered as a child how hard it'd been to get the hang of it, but now the dexterous movement seemed like-

His eyes widened, and he set the chopsticks down, looking to Remy. The rat seemed surprised by the sudden change in demeanor, looking back with a confused expression.

"Wait here," he said.

He hurried over to his room, rifling through the small boxes that held all of his possessions until he found what he'd sought, and marched back to the dining room.

"I know you want to practice," he told Remy. "You're not mopey from the simulations. You're frustrated. You're itching to try again."

Remy nodded, seemingly pleased that Shinji understood that.

"So, let's practice." Shinji plopped the book down and pointed at the cover. "Anyone Can Cook, by Auguste Gusteau. I've made just about every recipe here. I might not be a pilot, but I know how to handle a knife."

Remy arched a furry eyebrow at him.

"I'm trying to say is that if you watch me cook, and you can do that hair thing with me and get it even half as good, you'll be all set to practice in the simulator."

The rat nodded slowly, clearly warming up to the idea.

"So, you in?"

Remy puffed up his chest and gave a firm nod, a knowing look on his face. Shinji managed a grin in return.

"Then let's do this thing."

 

[Thuktun F]

The kitchen seemed different now, and I'm not just talking about the fact Shinji cleaned it. The sun had set, deepening the shadows cast by the ceiling lights, giving the place the air of something vaunted and esteemed. This was no longer a modern kitchen with slightly tacky interior decor, but a place where Important Things happened.

Standing on the counter, I watched as Shinji splayed out the ingredients he'd insisted on getting during the shopping trip with Misato. Which, when you compared it to the mountain of frozen meals and junk food she also bought, was not exactly a lot. I sniffed at the assorted herbs and vegetables, studying some like I'd never seen them before. Which I hadn't. I could recognize the smells from some of the stuff people ate at the Geofront, but it wasn't like people were bringing in raw vegetables.

"Okay, so..." Shinji's lips moved silently as he took stock of the ingredients. "I think there's a recipe we can make with this. Potato leek soup. It's not my favorite, but it should be good practice."

He held out his hand. "So, um, let's get to it."

I hopped onto his palm, and tried not to look uncomfortable as he hoisted me up and dropped me onto his head. The view was more than a little surreal as I watched him move about the kitchen, grabbing cooking implements- I wasn't used to feeling so tall. Then again, in the Eva I had felt really tall.

"Let's start with some of the simpler stuff, okay?" Shinji said. "Chopping the leeks. That should be good, right? It's not heart surgery, I mean."

I shrugged, then remembered he actually couldn't see me because I was on top of his head. Trying to talk with humans was getting really tiresome.

He grabbed a leek from the bag and washed it in the sink before setting it down on the cutting board. Then he grabbed a big knife, and I suddenly began to wonder if this was a good idea.

"Watch me first, remember?"

I watched, all right. I watched him hold down the leek with one hand, fingers curled inwards so that his knuckles were the ones pushing the vegetable down, and then I watched his other hand become a blur as he chopped the leek like a machine, that big knife becoming an industrial laser cutter as he made perfectly even slices. I didn't even have time to process what he did before there was suddenly a pile of chopped vegetable on the cutting board.

"You got that?" he asked. "Wait, you can't... uh, one tap for no, two for yes."

I paused, then slowly tapped twice.

"Okay, so try it yourself now." He grabbed another leek, then waited, expectant. "You got this."

I grabbed his hair, giving a few experimental tugs until I found my footing, so to speak. One of his hands waved in the air, then slapped down on the leek. I managed to reposition it to look more like how he'd done it, though I couldn't get the knuckles to curl.

Now, it was time for the knife. The big, sharp knife, longer than I was tall. I gulped, watching his hand jerk into motion as I pulled on his hair, and for a moment I could see my nervous reflection in the blade. It reminded me of the prog knife I'd seen in the schematics.

That actually calmed me down a little, putting it in terms like that. I straightened my posture, my grip on the hair more sure. The cooking knife was now a prog knife, Shinji my Eva. And that leek? That leek was an Angel that needed to be stopped. I could do this. I saved the world from the Angel, and I could chop a leek.

"What's taking so lo-"

---

鼠​

---

"You know," Shinji said, wrapping the bandage around his fingertip, "it's kinda amazing Misato didn't hear me. I'm starting to think the apartment could catch fire and she'd sleep through it."

I shot him a guilty look, paws behind my back. Thankfully, the boy didn't seem to be the type who held grudges, and let me tell you, that felt strange. Most humans would've tried to stomp on me just for existing too close to them, but this kid was able to forgive a rat actually hurting him? Yui was

Once the bandage was on, he held out his hand again. "Let's try something without pointy things."

I stared at his palm, then looked back up to him. I guess he was good at reading rat expressions now, because he offered a little warm smile of his own.

"We're partners, remember?"

I hopped onto his palm, and once again I was hoisted onto his head. Shinji grabbed an apron and tied it on, then took it off. I tilted my head, wondering what he was trying to get at.

"I don't think we're going to make a soup in one night," he said. "I mean, we are, but it's going to be terrible. Just awful. I don't think even Misato would eat it. But it's like the first pancake, you know? It's always bad, but that doesn't mean you should throw out the mix."

I didn't know much about pancake-making, but I knew what he was getting at. Yui had talked about the years of trial and error she went through I tapped him twice to get it across, and he nodded.

"We need to start with the most basic stuff." He waggled the apron in his hand. "Before you cook, you need to be prepared for it."

Grabbing his hair, I slowly directed his hands to raise the apron over our heads, and then managed to get the loop around his neck. It wasn't much, but in that moment it felt like I'd beaten the Angel all over again.

---

鼠​

---

"How'd he do today?" Misato asked.

Ritsuko offered a wry look. "He managed to get two kills this time around, after only destroying half the city."

---

鼠​

---

Everything else was out of sight and out of mind, the entire universe consisting only of a sprig of rosemary and two hands that were not my own. He made picking the leaves look so much easier than it actually was, as I tried to direct his now-clumsy fingers to pinch one. These leaves were the size of bananas compared to me -figuratively speaking, actual bananas are huge when you're a rat- but when I was piloting Shinji they seemed so much smaller.

I leaned in, and he did the same as I pulled on his hair, eyes squinting as I tried to pick the leaf off. I was so close I could practically taste the rosemary...

I lost my footing as Shinji leaned in too far, and began to fall with a shriek. Reflexively my paws reached out and grabbed his hair to try and keep from slipping off his head.

We learned two things that night. One, that I could just bring the rosemary to me instead. And two, that Shinji could pull a perfect backflip if you knew where to pull his hair.

---

鼠​

---

"Any better?"

"Four victories today. He can actually aim the pallet rifle in the Angel's general direction now."

---

鼠​

---

"Remember, it's just quick pulses at first before you puree," Shinji warned.

I nodded, keeping one of his hands clamped on the lid of the blender. I directed his other hand, and with a finger pushed the first setting. The sautéed potatoes danced for a moment in the cream, finer than they had been before. I pressed the button again, and again, quick pulses just as he said. Then, I set it to puree, and the mixture began to become smooth and creamy.

I was starting to get the hang of it. I scratched my ear absentmindedly-

-and quickly remembered that meant Shinji's hand did the same. Suddenly that creamy potato mixture was not just in the blender, but on the counter, on the wall, and on me.

I let go of his hair, not sure of what to do with my hands. Shinji sighed and wiped his face clean.

---

鼠​

---

"How about now?"

"Only six wins today, but he's getting more precise. Even in his losses he's not trashing the city."

---

鼠​

---

I stared at my mortal enemy, that confounding stem of green and white that lay on the cutting board. Then, I looked to the knife in Shinji's hand- no, our hand. In the blade's reflection, I could see both my and Shinji's faces. He looked into my eyes.

"You ready?"

I nodded.

I laid his hand on the leek, and for a moment I looked at the healing cut on his index finger. Then, I curled it and its siblings inward, so that his knuckles held the vegetable down. With his other hand, I positioned the knife over the tip of the leek, the blade poised to start its work.

Then, I sliced down, and chopped a piece off.

I was slower than him, a lot slower, and the cuts were not as even. And yet all the same there was a pile of diced leek on the cutting board in the end, sans any fingers a la Shinji. The little mound of sliced vegetable seemed to me in that moment the peak of the highest mountain, a mountain he and I just climbed.

Once again I tilted the knife to look at the reflection. There was a knowing look in Shinji's eyes now, and he nodded with a little grin.

I returned the nod.

---

鼠​

---

Misato realized the atmosphere in the testing control room was different this time around. Ritsuko and the others were hunched over their computers, not with boredom or frustration, but with rapt attention. She sidled on over, peering over her friend's shoulder at the main computer screen.

A simulated version of Unit-01 was on the screen, hunched over in a fighting position as an Angel -modeled after the only sample they had- marched closer. The Eva leveled the pallet rifle at the core, and the gun barked as oversized AP slugs shattered the glittering red sphere. Another Angel began to approach from the side, only to meet a similar fate.

"This is his eight simulation today," Ritsuko said. "He hasn't lost once yet."

Unit-01 began to reload the rifle, only for another Angel to fall upon it and swat the weapon away. The Eva backed away, drawing its prog knife, then lunged forward and stabbed the core in a single fluid motion.

"Wow, and it's only been what, a week?" said Misato.

"He's really been putting the practice in." Ritsuko pointed as Unit-01 began to circle with another Angel. "Just two days ago he had trouble drawing the knife, and now it's practically second nature to him."

"I didn't really think he had it in him," Misato admitted. When the blonde scientist glanced over, she continued. "I mean, in terms of attitude. I remember how he was when his da- the commander told him to pilot."

"Shinji does what he's told to do." Ritsuko took a puff of her cigarette, which Misato felt she'd been doing a lot more of lately. "Even if he doesn't want to. He needs to feel needed."

Misato's lips set into a thin frown. "Maybe. Still... it feels funny. Like he becomes someone else when he's in the Eva."

Ritsuko's eye twitched. "As in someone else is piloting?"

"What?"

The blonde scientist turned her way, a grave expression on her face, and Misato fought the urge to back away. Then Ritsuko let out a little laugh, and somehow that was worse.

"Well, I suppose beggars can't be choosers, Misato. At the very least, we have a functioning pilot."

---

鼠​

---

Shinji set the steaming bowl on the table. Well, it was actually a short mug, but for the moment it was a bowl, complete with a little teaspoon. Remy's whiskers twitched as he took a sniff of the creamy white soup, and he gave a little nod of approval.

"Hey, we both made it," Shinji replied, sitting down with his own bowl. "This soup wouldn't be here without you."

Reaching over, he grabbed the bottle of sparkling grape juice and uncapped it, before pouring a glass for himself and another for Remy (technically it was just the cap). Swishing the fizzing drink about, he took a sniff, then held up his glass, Remy doing the same in short order.

"To the pilots of Unit-01," he said.

They clinked glasses, then each took a sip before digging into the soup. Shinji took a spoonful, watching as Remy sampled his dish. The rat's whiskers twitched, and Shinji could see that he was trying to not show his actual reaction.

"Yeah, it's not the best recipe. I mean, it's potato and leek soup."

Remy nodded, giving him a resigned look, then took another spoonful. Shinji did the same, and they ate in silence. It might've just been potato and leek soup, but in that moment it didn't taste of cream or broth.

It tasted of victory.

 

[Thuktun F]

I was getting used to going to school with Shinji. At first I'd been more than a little nervous to go, surrounded by so many humans with only a cardboard box as protection, and having a backpack swung at me by that Toji kid hadn't exactly helped improve my opinion. But a lot could change in two weeks, and oh boy did they change.

It was hard to believe that a short time ago I could only see humans from the ceiling, or in Yui's videos, always hidden, always one-sided. Now I was on the same level with them, engaging with them. Some of the girls would make faces, then giggle and whisper among themselves when I looked their way, and boys would ask Shinji questions about me. Toji had gone from trying to smoosh me to slipping me peanuts during class.

I didn't even hide in the box anymore. In NERV I might've still been rattus non grata, but here I was one half of Shinji & Remy, the stars of the classroom. Every student knew me by name.

Well, everyone except one.

It was a normal morning, or as normal as it can be when you're a rat secretly piloting an Evangelion, so not very normal at all, but you know what I mean. I was relaxing in my box, reading some article on the laptop with Shinji, when the door opened and I smelled blood.

Whipping my head over, I saw a strange human walk in. A girl, specifically, but she wasn't like any girl I'd met yet. She was paler than what I thought humans could be, with messy blue hair all out of sorts thanks to the medical patch slung over one eye, but the eye that wasn't covered up was blood red. She actually reminded me of my second cousin Charles, but seeing something so ratlike in a person was, well... not great.

"Oh geez, Ayanami's back," Toji muttered. "I was wonderin' why she was gone."

Shinji for his part had done his best to imitate her complexion, and leaned down. His eyes never left her.

"She's the other pilot," he whispered, so low only a rat like me could've heard. "They wheeled her out in a gurney to pilot it before I took her place."

I was beginning to think the leadership at NERV was seriously screwed in the head. The great work of Yui Ikari was the single most important project in history, and they picked a complete rookie and a crippled kid to pilot it?

Ayanami for her part simply strolled into the classroom and took the seat right next to Shinji's. Her face was a total mask, as rigid as the faceplate of the Evangelion. Shinji promptly looked away, his face still as white as a sheet. For my part, my hairs were standing straight- she smelled like blood and antiseptics, but underneath there was something else.

It was a confusing jumble of scents. Now that she was closer I could tell that it was LCL, not blood, based on the lingering stains on her scalp that the soap didn't wash away. Not shampoo- it definitely smelled like she used bar soap to clean her hair, but what was more unsettling was the absence of certain smells in her hair- despite it being as blue as the sky, my nose couldn't find a drop of hair dye.

I sniffed more deeply, picking apart the layers of scents that was Ayanami. Between the LCL and another aroma I couldn't pin down, she actually smelled a little like the Evangelion, but she also still had that familiar human scent. In fact, she actually smelled a little like Shinji.

She straightened suddenly, and I realized she'd noticed my inquisitive sniffing when she turned to look at me. Now that I could look at her face properly, I saw she even looked a little like Shinji, with that same delicate jaw and nose.

"Classmate Ikari," she said.

Oh, he had the same last name as Yui? That was neat. Bit of a crazy coincidence.

Behind me I could hear Shinji reluctantly look over. "Oh, um, hello, Ayanami."

"You have a pet rat." A statement, not a question.

"Yeah, uh, his name's Remy."

That red eye continued to look at me as if I'd stolen the One Ring in that book I found. I was beginning to panic, some irrational part of me thinking she was about to use her eye to tell me my future, and so I offered an awkward little wave.

The mask suddenly cracked as she blinked in surprise and that eye widened. Then, the barest phantom twitches of a smile tugged at her lips, like some twitch she was unaware of.

"Hello, Remy," she said.

That look hit me like a mousetrap. Her face, her voice, it was suddenly all so familiar, even past the blue hair and red eyes and all those strange and horrifying smells. My eyes widened. Was she-

The evacuation alarm blared, and the thought was lost.

---

鼠​

---

"Do we have a heading on the blue pattern?" Misato asked, standing tall on the bridge.

"It's flying in from the southeast, over Atami," Hyuga responded. "It'll be here in five minutes."

"Captain, the JSSDF is requesting that NERV take over defensive operations," Maya added.

Misato grinned. "What a surprise. Is the pilot ready to launch?"

"Unit-01 is primed in elevator A-113," answered Aoba.

"Patch me in."

The secondary screen flickered, showing the interior of the entry plug. Shinji was leaning back, eyes closed. He was gripping the yokes tightly, enough to probably warp the plastic. Misato couldn't blame him, considering what he was about to step into.

"Shinji, be ready to open fire with the rifle once it's close enough for field neutralization," Misato said. "You got this."

He opened his eyes and adjusted his nerve clips. "Yeah... yeah, I got this."

Misato allowed a brief smile. The boy seemed a bit more confident now, far from the tense child who'd stepped out against an Angel with no training. It was time to see if those weeks of practice had finally paid off.

"Unit-01, launch!"

---

鼠​

---

The sudden acceleration of the elevator nearly threw me out of the nerve clip.

The interior of the plug felt more vibrant than before, the image through the Eva's eyes sharper, even through the plastic that served as my visor. That was definitely good- I'd need as much visibility as possible.

Sunlight flooded the plug as we emerged topside, standing in the middle of the city. Tokyo-3 looked so different in the daytime than at night, the soft lights replaced by glaring steel and chrome. Seeing the sun still took getting used to, after living my entire life underground.

My attention was on something else. A red mass was coming over the mountains, looking awfully like my... well, I shouldn't complete that sentence. It came to a stop a good twenty paces - Eva-sized paces, not rat - away, then righted itself, looming over the surrounding buildings. Rib-like legs twitched and chittered in its thorax, right above a glittering red core half-hidden in its flesh.

The Angel.

I gripped Shinji's hair tightly, his limbs -and by extension the Eva's - becoming my own. This was it. This was what I'd been training weeks for. No, what I'd been preparing my entire life for.

I was a rat, a pest, a low thing that lived in fear of giants. Then in that moment I took a lumbering step forward, the earth shaking beneath my feet, and I too became a giant.

---

鼠​

---

As soon as the big robot emerged, Toji was regretting letting Kensuke rope him into this. Kensuke for his part simply aimed the camera on the scene before them.

The Evangelion was still for a moment, then it snapped into action like a puppet getting its strings tugged, moving far faster than something that big should've been allowed to. It grabbed a rifle from some cache that'd risen alongside it, a massive artillery weapon that looked like a normal gun in its hands, then leveled it right at the Angel. The air shimmered between the two giants, and Toji swore he could suddenly smell ozone.

The Angel lowered its head over the red thing in its chest just as the rifle opened fire, the flash of the muzzle visible a good few seconds before the sound rolled over Toji. He covered his ears, trying to save his hearing from the roar of the artillery, while Kensuke simply began to grin like a loon.

The Angel's head disappeared in a cloud of greasy black smoke, then emerged from the darkness as it charged the Eva. The upper half looked more like Swiss cheese than a head, but it was still alive, not-fingers twitching. Twin whips spat out of where its shoulders should've been, a blinding violet that left streaks in Toji's vision like superheated wire.

The gun was pulled out of the Evangelion's hands, glowing a dull orange where the whips cut through, but that didn't slow the robot in the slightest. One of the big pieces of armor on its shoulder unfolded, and it grabbed a knife the length of a truck. With the other hand, it took the wires into its grip, even as its palm began to smoke, and sliced right through the whips.

The Angel shrieked, the light in its tendrils dying as they began to spurt blood, and then the Eva tackled it, pinning it to the ground. In an expert motion, it drove the knife into the soft gullet of the creature, then began to saw down. Toji's brow furrowed as he suddenly recalled his fishing trips with his dad, the queasiness as Pops taught him how to clean out a trout. The motions of the Eva were nearly identical.

The core popped free, and the war machine held it on place with one hand, then brought the butt of its knife down on the sphere, neatly cracking it in two.

His brow scrunched again. That was it? The whole battle must've been-

"Twenty-three seconds," Kensuke exclaimed, looking down at the camera. "Holy shit."

Toji looked over. "Think the tv station will only pay by the second?"

"What?" Kensuke loudly asked.

"Ya know, since it's so-"

"WHAT?" Kensuke stuck a finger in his ear, as if trying to dig something out. "SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU."

Toji sighed. "Next time we're getting earplugs."

"WHAT?"

---

鼠​

---

The bridge was silent for a moment as they watched Unit-01 step back towards the elevator, leaving the corpse of the Angel lying in the street. Hyuga looked like he was about to try and let out a victorious whoop, but the impulse quickly seemed to be smothered by crippling social pressure.

"Mission accomplished, Shinji," Misato said. "Take the elevator back down, like how the simulator showed."

"Understood, Miss Misato," the boy said. He touched his nerve clips again.

The Evangelion locked its feet in, then disappeared from the city skyline. Already recovery teams were swarming the corpse of the Angel, with a fair few focusing on the core.

looked over to Ritsuko. "I think the Evangelion project finally became what it was supposed to be."

Her friend gave a small, awkward smile. "I suppose so."

---

鼠​

---

The shower was a welcome relief from the smell of LCL and the lingering nervous trembling. The previous half hour seemed like a dream, and perhaps it was for the best so that the terror of fighting an Angel remained distant, instead replaced with a growing excitement of their accomplishment.

Shinji focused that onto scrub the gunk out of his hair as hard as possible. He was still in his plugsuit, the foamy water running down the rubbery material like a raincoat. It was watertight, after all, but the more pressing concern was the other pilot cleaning himself off in the shower.

Remy looked like a miniature Abominable Snowman, all lathered up in shampoo as he sat on one of the ledges meant for soap bars, and Shinji couldn't help but chuckle as he guided the showerhead over his friend and rinsed him off.

The chuckling died down as he thought back. He'd just called Remy a friend. It was strange, thinking that, and stranger still to mean it.

He'd never had friends before.

He smiled. "I don't know about you, but I think we should treat ourselves tonight. I think Miss Misato will say yes after what we just pulled off."

Remy nodded, shaking the excess water out of his fur.

Shinji's smile turned into a knowing grin. "Personally, I'm thinking sashimi."

 

[Thuktun F]

The high-altitude bomber had an oddly spacious cabin, no doubt thanks in part to the fact it was no longer carrying bombs. Instead, it was bearing an even greater weapon to Tokyo-3, and it wasn't the red Evangelion hooked under its wings.

She was certainly glad of the fact, after spending three weeks in a cramped cabin on an aircraft carrier. She could actually lay down on her cot and spread her arms without hitting bulkhead for once. Not that she was going to be sleeping a wink for the flight. A strange excitement had taken hold of her, halfway between eagerness and battle-readiness.

Sitting on the cot, she grabbed her military-grade laptop and reviewed the files again, for what had to have been the hundredth time.

The first file was one of the shortest- from multiple camera angles, she could see the Angel posthumously codenamed Sachiel stalking through the night, before Unit-01 emerged from the elevator. She still snorted every time she saw the clumsy Test Type faceplant after a single step forward, then promptly start swatting like a drunkard at the core.

Clearly not an impressive Angel, if lackluster piloting from an inferior model could take it down.

What interested her more was the next file, when the Third Child was fielded out in Unit-01 against the next Angel, codenamed Shamshel. The change in the Evangelion's movement was practically breathtaking, going from feeble flailing to expert precision as it took out the Angel in seconds. It was almost as good as her own performance.

This had to be the file she'd reviewed the most- she still couldn't wrap her head around how the Third had managed to become such a good pilot with little over a week of training. If she didn't know any better, she would've thought they had managed to find another another pilot candidate with actual training, but pretended he was the Third so that Commander Ikari's reputation wouldn't tank.

The file after that one was practically a comedy. The Angel was little more than a stubby-legged thing with an armored shell and eyes in all the wrong places, like if David Cronenberg was told to make a turtle. Hardly deserving of the name 'Iblis' when its grand plan was to just burrow into the Geofront and hope no one noticed. Unit-01 had managed to grab its tail -which of course also had an eye- and plucked it from the ground like an oversized turnip before punting it into Lake Ashi with so much force the core cracked.

The Angel after that, codenamed Matarael, managed to be even less impressive despite being essentially a thousand-foot-tall daddy longlegs. The Third and First just shot it.

Closing the video files, she started reviewing the profiles on the pilots again. The First Child was a ghost on paper in addition to looking like one. She had no record of a birthday, or family, or anything other than her -abysmal- sync rate and when she'd started training. Between that and her strange appearance, she might as well have been some atomic mutant they'd plucked off the streets.

She was more interested in the Third's. Tapping her chin, she studied the photo of the young boy. He looked almost comically unassuming, though he was a little cute. In a feminine sort of way, and certainly not what she was looking for. Even the available details of his upbringing were unassuming, with the bog-standard educational background of virtually every Japanese teen, no listed hobbies, nothing.

So how the hell was he piloting like he'd trained his entire life to do it? Even his sync was almost as high as hers.

Frowning, she shut her laptop and laid back on her cot, blowing an errant strand of hair out of her eyes. Regardless of the answer, she was going to find out when they became -her toes curled at the thought- a team. Of course, it didn't matter what the Third's secret was. She was still the better pilot, and she was going to put the prodigal son in his place, or her name wasn't-

---

鼠​

---

"Asuka Langley Sohryu."

Even from inside my box on Shinji's lap, I could sense the weight behind Misato's words, like she was invoking the name of some powerful and mercurial spirit. Based on the slight increase in perspiration I smelled coming off Shinji, I wasn't the only one.

"That's the new pilot we're picking up at the airport?" he asked.

"Yep! She's the Second Child, pilot of Unit-02."

"If she's the second, and I'm the third, why wasn't she here before me?"

I rolled my eyes. Which, granted, maybe a little unfair when only one of us had been reading classified documents. Designation of the pilots wasn't based on deployment, but-

"-it's when you were discovered to be a viable candidate," Misato explained. "Rei was first, but she didn't start training until after Asuka."

"I thought Rei's been training since she was a kid."

"Yeah, and Asuka's been training since she was, like, an even littler kid. She's been doing sync tests since kindergarten." I could hear papers rustling -and the car swerving- as Misato handed something over to Shinji. "She also has kills under her belt."

Peeking my head out of the box, I saw Shinji open a manila folder and pull out some crisp photos of what appeared to be a bunch of really big boats on water, so much water I couldn't see land. He was considerate enough to put the thick stack of pictures on his lap as he flipped through them, letting me see it.

The scene was pretty much like one of those flipbooks I saw his classmates sometimes play around with while bored. Another Evangelion -Unit-02, I recognized from the schematics- stood on the biggest boat with a flat top, holding a prog knife at the ready. A swell in the water approached, until suddenly in one photo it became a giant fishlike Angel leaping over the boat.

And much like with a fish, Unit-02 sliced the thing open as it leapt over her, visibly cracking the core in one photo.

"Holy moly," Shinji mumbled.

Holy moly indeed. That had to have been-

"Technically it's the shortest Angel engagement on record," Misato said, and I silently grumbled at being interrupted. Her voice turned wry. "It looks like you have competition."

Shinji didn't seem to really mind that. He was only competition with the world's largest asterisk. Meanwhile, I could feel my whiskers twitching as I looked at the photos. It was more than a little silly to think of it as a game- what mattered was defeating the Angels and using Evangelion to accomplish Yui's dream of rebuilding the world. Who cared if someone else was doing it?

Apparently, me.

"Anyway, after that they decided sea travel wasn't safe, so they're flying her in ahead of schedule, so that's why we're getting her in a hurry." Misato's voice became less playful. "Listen, she's a bit..."

Her phone rang, and she fell silent as she answered the call. I was a bit too busy studying the photos to try and figure out what the call was about, and thus had no prep to brace before she slammed the brakes and I was nearly sent flying out of my box. The photos fluttered to the floor, and I whirled my head to see a look of shock on Misato's face.

"What?!"

Well, that couldn't be good. Then again, considering the impression of her I'd gotten over the past few weeks, she might've just received news that her favorite ramen place had shut down.

"What vector is the Angel attacking from?"

Or not.

I looked back at Shinji, and he returned my worried look. The boy cleared his throat and turned in his seat.

"Um, Miss Misato?"

She didn't even register. "What do you mean Unit-02's deploying from the air? Who authorized this?"

She slammed the accelerator again, and this time I was slammed against the far side of the box as she made the laws of momentum bend to her will. I swear, being in the passenger seat with her was scarier than piloting the Evangelion, and considering Shinji's face was doing its best Ayanami impression, that made two of us.

This time, I didn't even dare to poke my head out of the box as she raced down the highway, risking only glimpses through the airholes. There was a sudden rush of wind, and I realized Misato had opened the window. The car swerved from side to side, and I began to bounce around the inside of the box like a furry pinball.

"Miss Misato, please look at the road," Shinji said, only for a photo to fly in his face, pinned by the wind.

The car banked a corner, or at least that's what I think it did considering I felt two wheels leave the ground, and Shinji and I both decided it was a good time to start screaming. I got the impression of a massive red shape coming down, the entire world shaking. Then Misato decided to join in on the screaming, and the car screeched to another halt. Momentum won out this time, and before I knew it I was sprawled out on the floor of the car, staring dazedly at an unfamiliar ceiling.

Shinji finally managed to get the paper off his face and looked down with wide eyes. "Remy!"

Unbuckling, he leaned down and scooped me up in his hands, pulling me close to his bony chest. For my part I clung to his shirt for dear life, and prayed to the great rat in the sky that the madness was over.

"Shinji, you alright?" Misato asked, breathless.

"Remy and I are fine." Shinji finally looked away from me and to her. "What happened?"

Misato simply pointed out the windshield, and Shinji and I turned to follow her direction. I had no idea how either of us had missed the Evangelion looming over the car, standing maybe two giant-sized paces away from us. Behind it, already returning to LCL, was the corpse of some Angel that had been mangled to the point I couldn't even tell what it'd been beforehand.

Unit-02 looked down at us, then cocked its hips, somehow managing to look sassy despite being a forty-meter biomechanical war machine. There was a crackle as its external speakers activated.

"Well well well," a slightly accented voice said, so full of itself I was shocked the Eva hadn't collapsed in upon itself from the mass of the owner's ego. "If it isn't the oh-so wonderful Third Child. Don't you worry your pretty little head, I took care of this one. Which will be how things go on from here."

My whiskers twitched again, and I folded my arms, even though there was no way she would actually see me. You know, being a rat and all. Glancing back at Shinji, there was an unspoken sentiment between the two of us.

Looks like we have competition.