Welcome, one and all, to Ali Attar's discount vehicle emporium! We make availablel the finest vehicles from throughout the world to revolutionary groups, international volunteers, and down-on-their-luck national militaries throughout the world. Are they the best vehicles? No. Do they function? Usually. But are they cheap and interesting? Absolutely!
In service of our mission, we're always on the look for new acquisitions. Planes, walkers, and other vehicles that had a…troubled past and are looking for a bright new future on the friendly battlefields of the 1920s.
Or, in plain terms: This is a worldbuilding contest for the currently-kickstarting RPG Guns Blazing. Guns Blazing is an alternate history TTRPG set in the 1920s. Jinn are citizens of every nation on earth, walkers stalk the world's battlefields, and the colonial age is coming to an end. It's a dieselpunk setting based on the interwar period, and like our interwar period the vehicle designs are deeply questionable. Details on the setting can be found in the Kickstarter and its worldbuilding thread. You can also join the game's discord to discuss your entry.
Rules
This is a worldbuilding contest! Come up with a deeply Questionable vehicle that fits in the setting of Guns Blazing.
Entries need a name, an intended role, a development history, and a service history.
Entries are accepted through
There are no restrictions on format or word count.
Entries will be judged on disastrousness, novelty, and the quality of your writing.
All participants will receive a one month silver subscription prize.
The winner will receive a piece of art made of their vehicle and a PDF of Guns Blazing. [Due approx. April 2024]
The runner up will also receive a piece of art made of their vehicle.
Prize art will be included in the final book.
FAQ
What makes a vehicle Questionable?
A truly questionable or "cursed" usually begins life as a really good idea, before its the blueprints are bitten by a radioactive monkey, and it becomes... different. Open-topped armoured personnel carriers. Five-winged planes. Circular battleships. If you imagine the kind of thing the Rebel Alliance might be forced to use in Star Wars, then you're on to the right track, except the setting is a fantastical dieselpunk version of our own 1925.
Any more examples?
This video on "Meme Tanks" might provide some more inspiration, although note that it is about vehicles from WW2, not the 20s. Or see everything about the Bob Semple tank; which is so immensely powerful it would automatically win this contest and so is pre-emptively banned.
How dieselpunk can we go?
Mechs, weird period aircraft, and arms on vehicles that shouldn't have them are fine. Energy weapons, computers, and flying tanks or mechs aren't.
Any more tips on how to write a good entry?
The best questionable vehicles have a personality to them. A human story of failed institutions, prideful inventors, or bold experimentation that gives you a throughline from a project's start to its extremely questionable result. Figure out a who or what at the center of your entry, what the core flaw in the process was, and iterate from there.
Perhaps a hallmark of the colonial era has been the unspoken, unquestioned need for ever-greater quantities of coal, lumber, stone and ore - taken from wherever it might be found, in whatever fashion proved most profitable. In the secret, unspoken dreams of its makers, the Syracuse would change the world not through redefining a particular facet of industry, but by ably serving to push a great many of them that crucial half-step forward.
While the Syracuse was simply a steam-powered winch at heart, with decades of others' work to make use of, the Feldrieck Brothers were far from idle nonetheless. They spent their days testing and adjusting to make the very best steam winch they could - but by night, they pored over their private workbooks, toying with the truly novel schematics that they then set aside, awaiting the Syracuse's commercial success.
This original form of the Syracuse was an adaptation of the 'donkey engines' found on many merchant ships to the lumber camps of the American Midwest. With a little bit of ingenuity and hard work, the Syracuse could be used to haul trees from the place where they were felled to the worksite where they could be transformed into lumber with hair-raising alacrity[1].
Despite the expense inherent to a steam-powered device in the mid-1800s, the Syracuse was rugged and reliable enough to earn a respectable profit for the Feldriecks: in particular, its engine could tolerate just about anything flammable as a fuel source, leading many loggers to save on coal by loading in scrap wood and twigs from the worksite. The Feldrieck Brothers, encouraged by their success, then began putting out the modules which would ultimately make the Syracuse famous.
Attached via the multitude of mechanical linkages, bolting-spots and the like built into the original design, these modules could turn a common Syracuse into a machine tailor-made for the needs of the owner. Supplementary engines and cable assemblies to skid logs even faster, a 'miniature machinist's shop' that could be installed into the frame (perfect for on-site repair work!), workmens' bunks, ovens and griddles which made use of the boiler's heat, and more, with the Feldriecks eagerly putting out new modules year by year.
The Syracuse, module by module, iteration by iteration, marched closer to the original vision of the Feldrieck Brothers. A machine which could carve out paths for industry in even the most godless wilderness imaginable, blazing trails into unclaimed regions which its predecessors could then follow and expand upon.
It was one specific module, though, which inaugurated the second era of the Syracuse machine, and its greatest by far. Der Hügelbezwinger, "the Hill-Conqueror".
In its first iteration, the Syracuse lacked wheels. The reasons for this are lost to time, but the first camps to employ them nonetheless devised an easy way of relocating the machine once the need arose: instead of hooking its cable to a log and then pulling it toward the Syracuse, they would hook its cable to something large and sturdy enough that the Syracuse would be pulled toward it, instead.
Young Arnfried Feldrieck was the first of the brothers to finally see this in action, and credited the hair-raising spectacle of their machine hurtling across the landscape with inspiring der Hügelbezwinger.
The Hill-Conqueror "module" was of greater scope than others before it, partially reconstructing some of its basic elements and taking up much of the space where other modules would normally be installed. It was expensive in more ways than one, testing the limits of the technology and demanding supplementary engines and cable assemblies to account for the added weight.
In exchange? It transformed any Mk. II or later Syracuse into an armored box that, once the cables were set and the engines put into motion, would rush toward its new resting place with the fury of an avalanche, using its own weight (and an armored iron prow at its front) to shatter or shoulder aside whatever was in its path. The furrow it tended to carve into the earth behind it was held up as a convenient headstart for establishing wagon paths.
For a time, the Feldrieck Brothers' machine very nearly dominated its new arena: the premier purchase for anyone intending to establish new sites for logging, mining, and general resource extraction. Sales, especially of its Hill-Conqueror format, even spread beyond the American territories to see use in Canada, Africa, Australia, Russia, and the British Raj. Some even tried using a properly-outfitted Syracuse as a kind of 'seed' to help establish new settlements, with varying degrees of success.
In an example of grand irony (or perhaps ironic justice), this popularity among colonial entrepreneurs would eventually be its downfall.
The Syracuse and its modules had been built from the first with an eye toward adaptability; the Feldrieck Brothers boasted that even if it proved unsatisfactory for the advertised purpose, any given module could be easily adjusted or outright cannibalized by the owner to serve almost any role one could imagine. Provided the owner employed a skilled engineer (or, optimally, several of them), it wasn't even a lie.
It also meant that to a sufficiently motivated group of people with at least some knowledge of engineering, the Syracuse was a veritable cornucopia of tools and resources for insurgency against the colonial powers.
By the close of the 19th century, this potential had begun to be realized, and the Feldrieck Brothers looked on in horror as reports came in of their Syracuse machines being turned against their masters.
Now, in the Roaring 20s, it is in the hands of rebels and revolutionaries that the Syracuse sees the most use; the Feldrieck factories have ceased production, and the imperial powers generally have more modern machines they can employ.
In this third era of its existence, the Syracuse endures as a weathered, improvised symbol of defiance, a steam-driven behemoth that can, with luck and creative use, still contribute to military endeavors.
EDIT: This one came in under the wire, and is a little less complete than I'd hoped. Much credit to @QafianSage for helping me cudgel my first attempt into something fit to enter into the contest.
A lot of this was inspired by amateur research about early 1900s logging technology I did a few years back for a oneshot campaign that never quite came together. The main component I drew from was the "steam donkey", which was used to move felled trees from the front line to the worksite with, as I put it above, "hair-raising alacrity". I had to leave out the specifics of it in the main entry just because I don't know how to describe it succinctly, but for those who want to know:
(italics represent lumberjack lingo)
Step 1: Find a tall, sturdy tree at the edge of the worksite, facing toward the region you'll be logging in. Have a high climber scale the tree, chopping off the branches and (very importantly) checking for rot by thumping the trunk with his axe-handle and listening to the sound as he makes his way up to chop off the topmost bit of the tree so there'll be a flat surface to install a block and tackle rig on. (The rig will become relevant in Step 2.)
Then, set up a bunch of guy-wires that will help stabilize the tree (see image). Congratulations, you now have your spar tree, and a lot will depend on you having done this step properly.
Step 2: Set up the steam donkey next to the spar tree. Start paying out the steam donkey's spool of steel cable, threading it through the block and tackle rig at the top of the spar tree and then running it down to the ground on the other side so you can attach the choker to the end.
This device (see image) will then be carried to the place where the fellers are at work by the choker chasers and attached to one of the trees they've cut down.
Step 3: Everyone near the chokergets the fuck back and a signal is sent to the whistle punk near the steam donkey, who gets anyone between the two ends of that steel cable to get the fuck back before sounding a whistle to provide a final warning to anyone who has yet to get the fuck back.
The steam donkey's operator (presumably while grinning, and possibly cackling softly) then throws the switch on the steam donkey, and the power of STEAM is then unleashed toward a single purpose.
Reeling in that fucking cable as fast as is physically possible.
Step 4: The tree attached to the choker is dragged along for the ride, skidding back toward the worksite at high speeds. The cable being run through the rig atop the spar tree means the tree stays at a roughly 45-degree angle throughout its journey, which lets it flop over most minor obstacles.
Once the log arrives, the choker's clamps are unlatched to release it and the two part ways - the tree heading into the worksite, the choker setting off once more to be hooked to another tree and repeat this process.
Step 5: Once the fellers have moved forward enough that the steam donkey's cable no longer comfortably reaches them, the cable is unhooked from the choker and the block and tackle rig while the high climbers are sent to find new spar tree candidates closer to the fellers.
Once the new spar tree is ready, the steam donkey relocates by having the cable end attached to something sturdy enough that when the winch starts pulling, the engine itself is dragged toward wherever the cable's end is.
The Feldrieck Brothers' actual story was another aspect that had to be cut for time due to my terrible time management 😓; the broad strokes are that they're a group of 4-7 brothers from a moderately wealthy west German family which collaborated with the French during the Napoleonic Wars and made a lot of money, only to have to take that money and flee to the US when Napoleon got thrown back. There, they parleyed that wealth (and some slightly-deceptive marriages to existing US aristocracy) into a manufacturing business, got in bed with some lumber barons, and the rest is history.
They haven't been having the best time since their magnum opus started getting used as a big bucket of insurgency Lego pieces.
From what Havocfett said on Discord I THINK further edits to pre-existing entries MAY be allowed, however even if they are, they might not be taken into account in the judging. I got the impression that it was basically a matter of.they were going to read anything twice after the official end of the contest... at least not at a given stage of judging?
As we had so many fantastic entries, it's taken a little longer than expected for us to go through them all and decide on the winner. We've also decided to do some honourable mentions alongside the winner and runner-up, because of the sheer number of delightfully deranged ideas you've all come up with.
Thank you one and all for filling the pages of Ali Attar's Discount Vehicle Catalog. This has been an incredible contest, and we weren't expecting such an enthusiastic response to it. More than 60 entries, with some genuinely incredible submissions, means that picking a winner was pretty difficult.
With that said, I am happy to announce our winners!
Prizes
Our first place winner will receive a piece of art for their vehicle, and a PDF copy of Guns Blazing when it is released. The second place winner will also receive a piece of art made of their vehicle. Both pieces of art will be included in the final book!
And now with no further ado…
First Place THE HYACINTH by @Athene
The Hyacinth is a killer design backed by great writing with a mix of humor and genuine pathos. The double-stacked turrets, speed issues, and troubled development history all sell the idea, and the art is really nice. The gratuitous re-use of historical figures is also a lovely touch. All three judges concurred that this entry was the clear winner.
Second Place LA BERNACLE by @Photomajig
The Barnacle is a lovely reinvention of the horrific problems of early submarines. The glue-gun infiltration-and-saboteur methodology is really cool and the suit's flaws are appropriately horrifying! It's a really cool piece of kit that marries a new concept to what the setting is all about.
Honorable Mentions
This contest overwhelmed us with so many fantastic entries, and we couldn't end it without a shout out to some other weird and wonderful machines that touched our hearts. We've included a comment from one of the judges for each.
The Lead Duck by @Rockeye Rockeye "The mental image of a cherry picker armed with machine guns slowly peering over a treeline is both hilarious and strangely terrifying."
The Fenian Turtle by @natruska "A nice mixture of completely cursed, yet useful enough that one could imagine PCs using one in extremis."
The Volcano Gun by @Cavalier "What if we made a Davy Crockett with dynamite was not a question anyone was inspired enough to ask before, but this entry bravely provides an answer."
The Black Heron by @Great Dichoro "The Heron is very cool and 'legitimately didn't know how to make a gun' is a fun flaw. You can see the way players might end up using/facing it."
The Bedevere by @KlinkerKing "The Long Tank is a neat concept and has a fun development history. "Three different main guns" is quite fun."
The Bogatyr by @MJ12 Commando "Rocket-infantry that will only probably snap the pilot's spine like cordwood is an appropriately doomed design for the period."
The Lafitte by @Wade Garrett
"The alternate history and societal elements here are brilliant, elevating a wonderfully nasty design into something iconic."
I was hoping for a Honorable Mention, but I never expected this! I'm beyond pleased.
I worked with a pre-WW2 museum submarine at my old job, so channeling that knowledge into the Barnacle was a no-brainer. It and its sister ships had lovely experiences such as 'we got stuck on the seafloor and our oxygen is running out', 'we couldn't hit an enemy sub with torpedoes so we rammed it' and 'we had to hide from enemy patrols so long all but three guys passed out from the carbon dioxide buildup', which are juicy indeed.
I did leave out some submariner problems that didn't quite fit in. Cramped as all hell, no privacy, terrible noise, no way up if you descend too low and can't empty the ballast tanks due to outside pressure, and oh, the toilet can explode.
Very excited to see how it will look in the finished book! And congratulations to @Athene for a well-deserved win!
I was hoping for a Honorable Mention, but I never expected this! I'm beyond pleased.
I worked with a pre-WW2 museum submarine at my old job, so channeling that knowledge into the Barnacle was a no-brainer. It and its sister ships had lovely experiences such as 'we got stuck on the seafloor and our oxygen is running out', 'we couldn't hit an enemy sub with torpedoes so we rammed it' and 'we had to hide from enemy patrols so long all but three guys passed out from the carbon dioxide buildup', which are juicy indeed.
I did leave out some submariner problems that didn't quite fit in. Cramped as all hell, no privacy, terrible noise, no way up if you descend too low and can't empty the ballast tanks due to outside pressure, and oh, the toilet can explode.
Very excited to see how it will look in the finished book! And congratulations to @Athene for a well-deserved win!
In fairness, the giant rocket wheel idea wasn't so much a "vehicle" as it was a "munition." Point in general direction of enemy, light rockets, let fuse burn down on attached dynamite, wait for a kaboom somewhere in the general vicinity of the enemy.
The thing that killed the concept was that they never did figure out how to stop it from spinning around in a circle and coming straight back at them.
RR 75 mm field gun prototype and 1-2-0 Manchot assault walker
The development began with an effort to defend against walkers from a reverse slope position, or from earthworks. The existing French 75mm field gun had proven capable of downing heavy walkers as their tops crested a hill, given a sufficient mass of shots. Its rate of fire was considered good for a time, but by 1911 the proliferation of lighter walkers led to a requirement for a still faster firing field gun.
The recent American invention (although the US Army rejected the prototype) of the gasoline powered Reciprocating Reloader promised an answer. The French scaled it up to accept sixteen 75mm cartridges, which slowed it only modestly to two rounds per second. The field trials, however, were disastrous. Even the expanded 12-man gun crews could not replace the cartridges in a timely fashion. And no gun carriage tested could withstand the recoil; any shot past the second was hopelessly inaccurate, and the repeated shocks would more often than not derange the gun entirely at considerable risk to its own firing position.
The test crews quickly proposed a solution in the form of a mech-type stabilization system, at which point a mech was drawn up around the original requirements. It is this that led to the cursed 1-2-0 Manchot assault walker.
The 75mm RR cannon is mounted to the main body's roof; there is an elongated 3-man crew pod beneath it. The crew pod, in turn, has a belly light machine gun which the loader uses for close defense, which is probably the most practical part of the whole design.
An external loading arm behind the crew pod performs cartridge replacements; there are two cartridge racks behind the loader's position, allowing him to refill spent cartridges at his leisure.
The two legs attach to sides of the crew pod. The Manchot moves in a crouched posture, with its uppermost leg segments doubled over lower ones; this arrangement provides excellent protection for the crew pod from the sides in the movement posture. To fire, the Manchot stands to its full height, ideally from concealment behind the earthworks or slopes according to the design concept, raising its gun roughly 600 cm in the process. It necessary to lean forwards slightly before opening fire to offset the recoil. The walker then fires of an entire cartridge before returning to a crouched or prone posture to avoid return fire.
Officially just the 1-2-0 Assault Walker, the Manchot derives its nickname from its habit of decent to a prone position after firing. While partly a consequence of the deliberate high center of mass while firing and bipedal design, its tendency to topple is also an artifact of the driver's role in controlling the gun's recoil. Miscommunication between the driver and gunner about timing, or a jam or misfire, or a simple driver error, can all result in a fall. Hence came the jest that it usually advances on its stomach like a penguin - a maneuver it is actually capable of on snow, ice or loose sand - and from that, its popular name.
The French Army initially ordered 300 assault walkers; however, when the extraordinary difficulty of training adequate crews became apparent, the order was cancelled after accepting 37 of them. In an effort to recoup costs, its manufacturer exported a number of small batches, not all properly accounted for, to minor nations looking to modernize their armies with the prestige and firepower of a latest-generation walker, so one will occasionally encounter Manchot aces in unexpected colonial theaters. These other operators typically opted to forgo the advantages of the Reciprocating Reloader and either used single shots from a crouched position or refit the mech as a pure machine gun platform.
Blessed with a bold and skilled crew in hilly terrain, the 1-2-0 Manchot is a formidable opponent. Such encounters are far rarer than a Manchot that timidly shuffles through the battlefield and coughs occasionally.
(E) Which I now notice I failed to complete in time. Oh well, enjoy.
Congratulations to the victors and much thanks to everyone who participated. While I was not able to submit a design of my own, it was great to be able to pop in and check out the truly awful machines you were all putting together.
. That sounds like big praise.
