Firouz had come to the plaza with the intent to die, with the intent to purge himself of his sins, but the cruelties that had brought him here refused to let up. All he had ever wanted was a simple life of service and piety, perhaps to raise a family. He had never asked for wealth or power, never asked for glory or fame. He just wanted to serve his people, his Emperor, his God, to the best of his ability. That his ability was in numbers rather than martial prowess had never troubled him, for he could still make his contributions in that way.
Only when he had worked out a superior shift rotation that promised to radically increase efficiency, he had faced censure for his efforts. He had been so hurt by not just the rejection but the implication that he was somehow wasting the Emperor's resources that he had spent every spare moment since praying that the 'why' might be revealed to him.
Last night something had answered his prayers, but it had not been the Emperor. No, no instead something else had decided to bestow upon him an enlightenment he did not want but could not deny. His plan had been rejected because he did not want to work people to the bone, but to give them time to rest and make the work they did better. His studies showed that it would work, that they could fill the quotas more effectively, but the long work hours weren't to ensure quota was made. The long work hours were to ensure that the population were so beat down that they would not have the energy to raise their heads to the nobles dining on delicacies and start asking uncomfortable questions about what their work was actually doing.
It was a horrible truth that Firouz had already been all too aware of but had refused to acknowledge, but the awful revelations continued. The nobles, adepts, and governors who reigned over them all, they were not an aberration. The system was rotten, burdened down with corruption at every level and any voice that dared to speak up was stomped down, told that they were endangering everyone, that they were heretics, and every other condemnation to keep the status quo. Worse yet, that the foundation of the rot was the fact that everything had been built this way.
The Emperor had not cared enough to not make His Imperium proof against this. In fact, the cruelty inherent to the systems He built had served Him well enough that the worst excesses and corruptions were enabled by such intentional design. Firouz had so wanted to be able to flinch away from that truth, but so much more had been revealed to him.
Xenos? Just as terrible as all the stories had said, but where alien perfidy ended and alien fear of the human started was impossible to tell. There were monsters out there in the dark, but there were just as many scared people telling their children that there were monsters in the dark and nothing else.
And the things that did this to him? They were the worst of all. He saw a future of trying to reform things, only to be burnt at the stake as a heretic. Overthrowing the local governors for treason against Terra? Invasion by the people they sought to serve, purgation of the most loyal of citizens, and an imposition of punitive quotas on the traumatized survivors. Independence was the same as trying to stay loyal, unless he reached out to the abominations that had given him this vision. He had seen so many things to break his spirit, no doubt to convince him that he might as well jump feet first in with them, but it had been done with the truth.
The darkness would validate his anger as legitimate. It would numb his pain. It would relieve his stress. It would give him hope. But it would also consume him. The passions that drove him to help his fellows would grow out of control, would make him lose sight of that which was important. Anger, numbness, pleasure, and hope would all become the purpose rather than tools.
Firouz had struck aside the poisoned chalice of power offered to him, waking from his dream and storming off to the Plaza of the Emperor-as-Martyr. There he had begun to whip himself in self-flagellation in the shadow of the great temple, staring up at the stern gaze of the Emperor in the colossal stained glass windows. Tears of agony and shame had streamed down his face as he held the gaze of representation of God, and he had silently prayed for revelation, for the things he had seen in his dreams to be false.
The Emperor's gaze in the image offered no rebuttal. The Imperium was not as the Emperor wanted it, but His vision and Firouz's remained incompatible. 'Humans must die so that humanity can live' was not a tragic necessity, but a goal in of itself.
Tears of pain and shame turned to rage, and Firouz dropped to his knees as much from blood loss as from the knowledge that his rapidly approaching death would be meaningless. No longer able to bear the gaze of the Emperor, he let out a long, strangled wail as he then dropped to all fours, openly weeping. He wished for the sky itself to open up and smite him personally, even though he knew that none cared enough to offer him that dignity.
Firouz was about to just let the lightheaded blackness take him when he found callused hands reaching out to him. His public display of self-flagellation had drawn the curious, and now a crowd of earnestly pious people had gathered around him, wanting to know if he required help, wanting to know what had driven him here.
A small, petty, spiteful part of him wanted to spout off heretical truths, but he found that he could not look into the faces of weathered elders and bright youths alike and even try to take their happiness away from them. Instead he just mumbled weakly amidst tears, "I just wanted to serve…"
People started shouting out as the crowd grew larger, and Firouz found his sight drifting from the present to prophecy. His actions would be seen as a spontaneous act of piety, exciting the minds and passions of those in attendance. The crowd would grow larger, and the authorities would see it not as an expression of worship but a threat to their authority. Firouz could already hear the march of the Arbites boots upon paving stones, but whether that was the present, his imagination, or the future, he could not know.
He just knew that what he had wanted to be an act of pious suicide was about to get a lot of people killed. What horrors might be sparked here today, as people had their faith in the Emperor so brutally betrayed by those who professed to serve Him? Was this why he had been shown those things?
He couldn't not act, he couldn't remain silent, but he didn't know what to do. He had always been a meek man, but now he had to be better.
He had to dare to be…
[] Stupid
[] Heretical
[] Weak