- Chapter 10: The Couple's Cooking Challenge -
Akane looked over the table. Most of the food was done reasonably well this time, but the real focus for her was well baked bread that she had managed to argue for making the core of the meal. The best part of not being the only one making food was that she could go for less typical meals when it was her turn that fit better with her baking skill.
"This is better than what I made," Ranma grumbled as they started to eat.
"What is that supposed to mean, Saotome?" Nabiki, who Ranma had been smug at the day before with his results, said caustically.
"It is honestly good," Kasumi added with enough wonder to get a bit of a glare from Akane. She knew she was only improving, but did her oldest sister have to sound so surprised about it being just 'good'? "I think you might be right about the change in the kind of food to make having a bigger impact."
"Oh, thank you, Kasumi," Akane then said with a blink before she started eating herself. She was in human form at the moment to check how it turned out, with a plan to go back to Muk to inspect the chemical makeup for 'good' food.
The television was on in the background for the meal, mostly to hear the news and have some extra sound. Happosai had not turned up in a while and everyone was a bit nervous about when the old monster would show up again. Their fathers had suggested that they might catch some information on his whereabouts from it.
"SureCook presents their fifth 'Hen-Win Couple's Cooking Challenge'," an advertisement declared proudly. "A yearly competition to win one of their wonderful 'Hen 9000 All in One Cooking Combination' machines, the rare and prized high end version of their world enjoyed 'Hen 2500 Auto-Cook' machines that can preform an additional seventy fully automated and restaurant quality cooking operations."
Akane turned to look at the display, halfway interested. "All couples are welcome to come and compete for their chance to win this magnificent machine," the ad continued, with details of the sign up location and the time for the contest itself.
"Really? You want some thing to do it for you now?" Nabiki harshly asked about that interest.
"I can use it to make stuff I can't and then work out how to do it myself," Akane answered as she melted into a Muk. "I can get the perfect chemical combinations without needing to have Kasumi make all of them herself." She then looked over at Ranma. "What do you say, Ranma?"
"Always up for a challenge," her fiance answered with a thoughtful look. "I don't know what the guy is supposed to do here though, and I don't want ta carry ya if it is both of us cooking."
Akane glared at him a bit. "Well, if it is then you can make the main course and I'll just handle desert!" she complained, and then noticed she had turned Alcremie during her short rant.
---
"I'm sorry, 'kane, but SureCook machines are junk," Ukyo said the next day at lunch when they had time to go over the idea with her. "I got one of their old Chicken 2000 things once to try some side dishes at the restaurant, and they always came out terrible. Spent a month trying to work out how to get it to make something worthwhile, and I mean your worse stuff worthwhile, but the best I got was about on the level of Nabiki's stuff."
Akane and Ranma both chuckled a bit at the new standard for low quality. "Oh? If my stuff is that bad then maybe you don't want to hear the deal I have for you," said middle Tendo then cut in seriously.
Akane immediately hardened a bit into Alcremie. "So, what kind of Deal then?" she asked a touch unhappily. They weren't at home, so there was no rule against a proper Deal here.
"Ugh, of course you're going that far," Nabiki grunted. "Fine. My usual supplier isn't available for some... interesting tools. Stuff I don't need that often, and I didn't plan ahead for getting some more first."
"Okay, I'm not hearing what 'kane can do for you," Ukyo pointed out, the other Fairy typed slime pokemon didn't look much happier with the attempt at a Deal so far.
"I need a fairly specific acid. I don't have an example, but it needs to melt through metal and not go through plastic," Nabiki explained unhappily. "I'd like it better if it didn't do anything to paper, but any kind of getting wet can ruin paperwork so that isn't a big requirement."
Akane wasn't entirely sure this wasn't a trick to get her to switch to Muk to figure that sort of thing out, but she was a lot more used to how her three forms worked now. "What kind of metal, and what kind of plastic?" Akane asked strongly, because she was not about to make too general of a Deal with her mercenary sister. "There are a lot of metals that need different things to melt, and that's simple compared to plastic." She half spat the word 'plastic' as even without a Muk's chemical senses she was now quite aware of how broad that term was.
"I have examples with me of that stuff, I just don't have any of the old acid left. It is a 'common' thing for my usual supplier, I just can't find them anywhere," Nabiki grumbled.
"Happosai?" Ranma asked dully, and Akane did not like how Nabiki did not answer that question. "Really, Nabiki?"
"He's expensive, really expensive, but worth it for the good stuff," Nabiki finally admitted with some disgust of her own. "I'd cut him out of my operations as soon as I could, but this kind of stuff is practically magic." The middle Tendo paused for a moment. "Maybe actually magic, I haven't risked asking more than that, but I'm willing to go with a fairy Deal for more if you can do it instead to say how much he charged."
"What exactly do I get?" Akane asked, more than willing to keep whatever Nabiki meant by 'expensive' out of the old man's hands.
"I've got critical information on that contest you're after," Nabiki answered. "So, the acid for the info?"
"Deal," Akane said and let the fairly weak power bind them. Nabiki honestly wasn't trustworthy enough to make a casual deal with, but Akane didn't want to spend more than that for just some information.
She then melted back down to Muk and gave Nabiki a look. A partial lock box of some kind and a surprisingly well sealed plastic file folder were both handed over, and Akane just scarfed down both. The box was so cheap that Akane could use a very simple acid that most common plastics wouldn't even notice. The folder was much better, and honestly could probably take a much more potent acid. "Easy," she burbled and searched a bit for one of the little glass containers she stashed away for daytime snacks. "Too easy." The little bit of highly caustic chemicals wasn't that far from what Nabiki needed.
"Akane, are you giving me one of your 'snacks'?" her sister asked dubiously. "Okay, right, you're eating that kind of thing, fine."
"I am changing it some," Akane complained at that. "You want something a bit less normal than what I can just make by mixing stuff outside my body. This is combat toxin stuff." She handed over the now altered substance and its container.
Nabiki gave Ranma a look, that her fiance just shrugged off, before taking the container from her. "SureCook always hires ringers to win the contest for them," Nabiki then said quickly and dully, with a slightly worried expression. "The 9000 is some kind of super prototype machine or something, and they only have a couple. They don't even sell the things and just use the contest to promote the 2500. So they get someone to win for them who gets a big payout in exchange for not actually taking the machine." The middle Tendo seemed to calm down, but now looked a bit grumpy as she explained the last of it. "The current pair is Fuyuko Takeda and Toshiro Matsumoto. Fuyuko is a young expert cook, she's even won a small tournament although there are some odd details there, while Toshiro is known for a few eating contests. They aren't even really together from what I heard."
"Huh, well now I kind of want to win it just to show them we can beat that," Ranma noted after that.
"Not going to doubt Kasumi again," Nabiki grumbled and walked off. "This better work, sis! That was better than Happosai, but still not great."
"Airen! Shampoo needs date for good-cook contest thing," Shampoo declared only moments after Nabiki was gone.
"The SureCook Couple's Cooking Challenge?" Akane asked dully, although the other fiance didn't move like normal. Shampoo seemed rather distant, and the other girl's face did not fall at all with the call out. The Amazon only nodded with a bit of a smile.
"Sorry, Shampoo, but I've already said I was doing it with Akane," Ranma responded carefully, unusual actions were never a good sign with Shampoo.
"Oh, that is too, too bad," Shampoo said, but it seemed almost exaggerated. "Great Grandmother said not to antagonize slime girl anymore, so Shampoo will have to tell her that she can't win the dumb machine." Then Shampoo seemed to notice Ukyo. "Why two slimes now?"
"Wait, you didn't know about this yet?" Ukyo asked, while Akane rolled her eyes at how Shampoo clearly didn't actually want to go to the contest with Ranma. "It is kind of a confusing story, but I saw your fight with Akane and really wanted to be able to just make that much food easily. I've just started, even got the living food restaurant license."
"Ah, seen one of those once, really hard to get," Shampoo agreed and the rest of lunch was a half tense discussion of that topic instead.
---
"Great Grandmother wants stupid machine very badly," Shampoo said a few days later when Akane spotted the other fiance next to Mousse in the line to sign up for the contest, which would be almost immediately after the sign ups opened.
"I'm certain we can beat any of these opponents, Shampoo," Mousse smugly declared, with his extra thick glasses on for once. "Even those two."
Akane and Ranma shared a look at that situation, and Akane could admit to herself that Cologne was probably too interested in the device if the old woman was going this far for it. "I'm going to wish you luck there," Ranma admitted. "We're half doing this to make sure the thing works like they say it does, and if you guys are using it then we'd still know."
"I still want to win the contest," Akane complained to her fiance. "If it turns out I don't like the thing I'll just give it to Cologne."
"Is deal!" Shampoo immediately agreed. "Two times chance of success."
The line moved rather quickly after that, with quite a few people leaving unhappily for some reason or another. It became clear that they were doing individual meetings with each couple to check things. Shampoo and Mousse were taken off to one side room, while Akane and Ranma were led to another where a well dressed woman was sitting at a desk covered with forms.
"Hello potential contestants and welcome to the SureCook 'Hen-Win Couple's Cooking Challenge'," the woman declared. "We just have a form for our couples to fill out along with some simple questions. The first is quite simply if you could describe what sort of couple you are in your own words?"
"We're engaged," Akane said before Ranma could go into detail beyond that, but given the dubious look they received she probably didn't say it in the right tone.
"Right, well, this is going to be televised. Do you have any special skills you will be showing off so we are prepared for them?" the woman then asked, and Akane flinched.
Akane had known she would need to explain her other forms, but she had come to the place as a human specifically to not do that right off the bat. "I can change shape a bit," she admitted nervously, and then changed into an Alcremie to demonstrate. "I've got three forms total," she clarified a bit more easily. Then she shifted to Muk, and for some reason that made the woman look happier.
"Ah, that should make this quite the interesting event," the woman declared. "How about you young man, are you a shape changer as well?"
There was a long moment of silence after that as Akane realized that it was a genuine question with an answer of 'yes', and one that would likely be important if there was any water at all around. "I technically am," Ranma slowly admitted. "It is a bit different, I change with hot and cold water."
"Would you be willing to demonstrate?" the woman asked, and Akane was fairly sure they didn't have a great reason to turn that down. So after a brief delay for the woman to get them some hot water her fiance quickly demonstrated. "Ah, you become a girl. That might be something of an issue. The contest details will be given in full after we finish here, but the idea is that the girl does one task while the boy does the other. So we might have the two of you switch places if you end up changed. Slime is kind of like guy, and you definitely become a girl."
"Slime is what?" Akane asked, not even angry due to how insane it sounded.
"Hey! Just cause I look like a girl doesn't mean I ain't still a guy!" Ranma complained.
"Yes, well, it is mostly how it looks you know? The rules about who does what task are very firm, and we can't have two girls at once," the woman laughed. "It shouldn't be a major issue."
Akane shared a dark look with Ranma as they both used the available methods to return to their original forms. "Fine, but we don't actually change that sort of thing," she allowed with unhappiness.
"Great, then we just need to finish this form," the woman said far too happily.
---
"Hmph, they give toxic slime hard time too?" Shampoo questioned as they finally made it into the main event hall.
"Yes," Akane said, and she looked over at Ranma who had echoed her.
"Any idea what they will be having the guy doing differently from the girl?" Mousse asked seriously, apparently also upset by the sign up process.
"If Nabiki's info is good probably something to do with eating stuff," Ranma answered, and then went over that information quietly while Akane tried to take in the setup. "Maybe it is just one or the other, but after that I doubt it."
There seemed to be about twenty large kitchen setups on the floor, and given how few contestants were making it through the screening process Akane figured it would be only the most 'interesting' twenty couples. She could spot at least three ovens, two full sized cooking ranges, a two sided sink, a large refrigerator, and a lot of counter space available for each of the twenty spots. There were plenty of cameras for each of them, including one specifically at a small table area set up outside of each spot, and large number marked signs hanging over each location.
"Welcome contestants to the Hen-Win Couple's Cooking Challenge!" a well dressed man announced from the center of the room, next to another table that had something big on it covered with a cloth and a desk with a few older men sitting at it. "Today you shall all be showing off the true nature of a happy relationship in pursuit of the grand prize of the Hen 9000 All in One Cooking Combination machine!" The announcer pulled the cloth off, revealing a large device that covered the table. The largest part looked like an over-sized microwave, but with a great number of other cooking utensils attached to small arms and other setups along its body. It was honestly quite impressive looking. "All contestants will be getting a discount voucher for the more basic Hen 2500 Auto-Cook models with the value based on their placement, with the second and third place winners outright getting free machines. So aim for the top for the best results!"
"Huh, that looks a whole lot like the 2500 thing," Ranma noted while everyone shuffled around a bit at the news. "The boxy part at least."
"Oh, Great Grandmother wants to upgrade," Shampoo agreed with him. "Old one not work great. Has been hit too many times to get to work."
"Now the contest itself is quite simple. Our young ladies will show off their skill at making food, and their young men will show off how good the food is!" the announcer laughed. "Points will be awarded based on the quantity of food that the young men manage to eat, the variety of food the ladies make, and how appealing the food looks to our judges! You will have three hours to make and eat as much food as you can, so take your places and get ready to compete!" Akane looked at the little number they had given her after signing up, which said '5'. That spot was on one side of the spot right in front of the grand prize table.
"Wait, I'm the better cook though!" Mousse complained, and he was far from the only boy to raise that issue out of the crowd. "Being a girl doesn't make you better automatically!"
"Not by that much. Shampoo does more than delivery," Shampoo complained quietly. "Our number is 7," the Amazon added more loudly and pointed to the setup on the opposite side of the one next to the prize table.
Akane quickly took a position in the middle of the kitchen area, while she saw Ranma take a seat at their eating contest table. Next to them at number 6 a pink haired girl with a stereotypical cute face started to set up with a more heavyset guy who was rather handsome.
"Well, looks like some interesting opponents today. Fuyuko Takeda," the girl introduced herself.
"Akane Tendo," Akane said with a frown as she recognized the name. "I think we might be in the 'impressive' group," she admitted. "I know they asked a lot about my interesting abilities and we're right next to the prize." It was honestly a bit silly for SureCook to put a ringer right there, so either the organizers were idiots or Nabiki got the names wrong.
"Ready, begin!" the announcer declared, and Akane quickly melted down to Alcremie to the clear surprise of most present.
Speed was just as important as quality here, three hours was not enough time for a lot of proper baked goods, but Akane had two tricks to use. First she had her somewhat mystical food and chemistry abilities, and second she had Ranma as her food taster. He could eat some fairly bad food, and she could make bad food that looked alright fairly quickly.
She started with cookies. Cookies could go fast and after the bakesale fiasco she could probably do those in her sleep as a human. The cabinets and fridge had basically everything for any sort of food, so she started by making a few bowls full of basic mixes with various fruit and candy options added.
There were enough ovens and cookie sheets to get quite a few going at once, with a number of timers that the others would probably need. Akane was just going to go with her senses in slime form to time things out. Alcremie had perfect timing for baked goods, and as a Muk she had these timings down fine.
"I can handle them a bit hot from the oven," Ranma noted, and Akane realized she had been a bit too distracted to notice what had been going on around her. She had not even heard the announcer going over what various couples were making.
She quickly looked up and at her nearest opponents. Mousse and the supposed eating champion Toshiro were already eating something, although the Amazon didn't look happy with his food. Akane didn't spare the time to see what exactly as she realized that she might not have the spare time to start with baked goods.
Akane didn't want to waste any more time and got a pan out to rest on one of the ranges. She could really quickly cook some meat and vegetables into something, probably not anything specific but at least food that she could say she made. A shift to Muk, with a bit of surprise that she had not lost Alcremie during the cookie mixes, would allow for better judgment of quick chemical reactions. She knew roughly what was edible for both the meat she grabbed and the mix of leafy things she barely paid attention to, and she was sure Ranma could manage to eat whatever it was.
A small splash interrupted her thoughts. There was now a bit of something in the pan with her food, some drip of a chemical that did not come from her. Something foul that wasn't from her. She spent only a moment to touch the pan, it was already contaminated so she would be fixing it anyway. The result was a taste of a chemical that would likely cause humans to feel ill, and possibly not keep food down. Akane's eyes shot up to look at the nearest opponent, where Fuyuko just happened to be swinging a spoon for some reason despite clearly not using it to cook.
Akane looked past the ringer to Shampoo, and met her rival's eyes. It was clear they could both tell what was going on, and with a firm nod to each other they both decided to fight toxin with toxin. It was as simple as possible to make something equally as unpleasant, and Akane quickly let it fly towards Fuyuko's area as she 'panicked' to fix what she had found in the food. A couple of quick chemical additions to her own stuff neutralized the worst of the physical effects, although Akane had no idea what it would taste like now and didn't exactly have time to fix that too.
She quickly got the stuff to the point where it probably wouldn't poison Ranma, and then after took a quick look to make sure it appeared nice enough. It wasn't great, but Akane smiled, and Ranma smiled as she put it on a plate and passed it to him. He didn't give a real happy smile, but they had cameras to play in front of.
A shift to Alcremie followed, and Akane decided to try something else quick. Ukyo would probably be mad at her for the next choice, but it was partly her friend's fault for going into detail on Okonomiyaki so often at lunch. Although she barely was able to get started on the batter before the first set of cookies were ready, and she had set those up to all finish fairly close to each other.
Akane glanced over to check for any more incoming contamination, and quickly dodged backwards as Fuyuko apparently was reacting to whatever Shampoo had contributed with a far more obvious use of something foul smelling. Akane quickly removed and passed along the various cookies that were ready as ingredients and chemicals flew between contestants 6 and 7. She had just managed the last tray in time for Fuyuko to notice how far along Akane had managed, and the ringer responded by spraying cold water into a bowl half filed with what looked to be dish soap.
There was a yowl from station 7 that Ranma clearly ignored, a quack of discontent from about the same place, and Akane's fiance suddenly became a redhead in the middle of the third tray worth of cookies. "It appears that the contestants at area 5 have switched up who is the boyfriend," the announcer declared. "Looks like they need to switch places."
That produced a lot of angry complaints from the rest of the room, in particular those close enough to the still escalating poison fight who clearly wanted something done about that problem instead. Akane barely heard them as she shifted to Muk and nearly rushed the jerk who just called her a 'boyfriend'. She just barely stopped herself at the table, and quickly threw the remaining cookies into her sludgy maw. Akane pooled up larger than she had ever been before, nearly enveloping the table and drawing quite a bit of attention.
"Ranma, give me everything you can," Akane rumbled with rage as she took the new chance to actually look around. Toshiro Matsumoto had stopped eating as fast as possible, mostly because it was clear some of Akane or Shampoo's counterattacks had successfully made it to his plate. Mousse was currently a duck, and the sight of a duck trying to win an eating contest was rather depressing as the plate of food was almost as big as he was. Shampoo was actually managing to cook as a cat fairly impressively, at least impressively for a cat as there was little chance the food wasn't ending up with cat hair in it.
The rest of the room was in various degrees of disarray as it was now clear that there were multiple planted pairs to sabotage the serious competition. Some of the boys looked ill and weren't eating, while others were clearly just not fond of their girlfriend's food, and in one case there was a pair glaring at Akane and Ranma who seemed to be trying to quickly cross-dress in order to also switch places. Akane wished that last group luck, but this had turned into a big mess as the spectacle fight in front of the prize went obvious with the cheating.
Ranma wasn't even bothering to hide his displeasure, as he made- Akane paused to see with a bit of glee that Ranma had broken out the cleaning supplies and was liberally using them to make some great looking food, at least for her currently Muk form. "More of that floor cleaner! It is the best brand, we can't usually afford it," Akane requested. "Maybe we should try and take some home," she added with a more quiet burble.
"With the syrup here or without?" Ranma asked distractedly as he passed the first platter of something that looked great to Akane, but made a lot of the nearby contestants gag. "Wait, no, this isn't a good mix."
"How do we score that?" one of the officials at the desk asked with fascinated horror as Akane enjoyed the results of her fiance's understanding of her new tastes. "It wasn't food, but look at him, he apparently loves that stuff."
Akane froze, and moved her eyes to look directly at that official. "Him?" she rumbled. "He?"
"Ya just have ta deal with it, Akane," Ranma said quickly before she could do more than that. "It just happens," he added unhappily, and Akane paused as she realized this was what he went through with his own alternate shape.
Akane turned to watch Shampoo as she waited for Ranma to finish the next bit. She didn't want to think about that problem any more, and it was clear that this probably wasn't going to make it the full three hours from how the currently cat shaped Amazon was now occasionally flinging knives at the ringer between them.
The floor cleaner and syrup bowl, with a bit of burned meat of some kind for a nice bit of extra flavor, was put in front of her next as she started to mentally give points to Shampoo for near misses. Mousse was giving some similar numbers out loud, but the duck seemed a lot more critical of the shots that hit hard surfaces and bounced, something about damage to the blades. Fuyuko finally seemed to have enough a bit later when Ranma gave Akane a nice plate of Okonomiyaki made with some powdered bleach.
"Gah, damn cat! Stop messing up my victory!" the girl shouted and used a spray nozzle on the sink Akane had not even noticed before to try and soak the cat. Shampoo responded by jumping towards Fuyuko, who dodged out of the way to let the cat cursed girl sail past station 6 straight towards Ranma. Akane had only a moment to ready herself before her fiance let out a shrill shriek and knocked Shampoo away randomly.
However everything seemed to slow down as everyone saw the direction the ballistic feline had ended up flying. Akane could only watch as the light furred Jusenkyo cursed cat sailed straight into the Hen 9000. Shampoo hit the top of the machine feet first, claws tearing into the device instantly to get a grip and sending cardboard and kitchen tools flying as the device came apart easily and revealed itself to be little more than random tools stuck into a false front. The entire facade of the machine fell down with the cat to pull the 'Hen 9000' label off and reveal that the main box and door actually belonged to a machine labeled a 'Hen 2500'.
There was what felt like a long moment of silence after that, while Akane simply took in the deception along with the other contestants. "Wait, that thing was a fake?" Fuyuko asked unhappily.
"Boss ain't going to be happy with that," Toshiro added. "We were supposed to swipe that thing and get the cash."
"Ranma, grab the floor cleaners," Akane declared as she surged towards station 4, and left behind the remains of a mostly eaten away table that had not survived her anger. "I'll get the right side."
---
"You ate a table," Nabiki groaned when they got home. "It was live you know, everyone saw that thing break, and then you showed off that you ate a table. Do you have any idea what your friend Sayuri bet on?"
"Me eating a table?" Akane guessed. They had technically won because of that. The judges seemed just utterly confused, and also really wanted everyone out as fast as possible. She hefted a makeshift bag of collected cleaning supplies through the door with a look to make sure she didn't trail toxin across the floor.
"What exactly are we going to do with this thing?" Ranma asked with a sigh as he hefted in the pieces of the facade. The Hen 2500 under it all had been given to Shampoo, despite the fact that the Amazons apparently already had one somewhere, mostly because Akane wasn't too interested in it after learning the 9000 was fake. The other stuff though she thought might be useful, as there were some nice looking tools in the mess.
"Yes, Akane, your friend in fact did bet that you would eat a table!" Nabiki complained despite the fact that Akane was more interested in Ranma's question. "I didn't even think they would have you eat anything at all, and she bet enough on that to win a big chunk of my profits!"
"No seriously, Akane, where are we putting this stuff?" Ranma asked. "I mean, this wasn't really that worth it, but I think the free food we got was the bigger payout."
---
[Author's Note]
This was fun. I hope it works as well to read as it was to write, as this distracted me greatly from my main fic.
