- Location
- West
They are more a parasite as they don't have the host wellbeing in mind. Driving someone to conflict in order to collect data even if it kills them can't be seen as symbiosis.
A Spark of Hope (Worm/Jumpchain)
- Thread starter Eternaly_Lost
- Start date
-
- Tags
- worm taylor hebert tinker jumpchain
They are more a parasite as they don't have the host wellbeing in mind. Driving someone to conflict in order to collect data even if it kills them can't be seen as symbiosis.
Jaune Pendragon
King Of Servants
- Location
- Avalon
Yeah no.
Just no!
.. I know you... You always have something to nitpick no matter how good a story is... Just ignore him author and keep. Up the awesome work!
- Location
- Here
I agree with this. Lisa has been forced to work for Coil on threath of of kidnapping and torture or death. Even if she didn't mind some of the actions that Coil had her perform, that doesn't really matter, as she didn't have a choice. No competent court would convict her in this situation, and Taylor shouldn't either.
Not wanting to be a hero and being in it for yourself are also not crimes.
MaskedCritic
Verified Obsessed with Yuri
- Location
- Fluttershy's Secret Dungeon Shrine to Metal
The good thing here is that this isn't something that destroys the narrative. Problematic, yes, but it's also fairly easily fixed by a number of methods, even when you exclude the possibility of re-writing the scene. For example: Lisa is canonically a bit of a chatterbox, and an exposition-fairy. She is practically compelled to share what she knows with other people. This characteristic should still apply to her even when she's off-screen (though far too often doesn't, because it could sadly be problematic for some plots). It is therefore quite sensible to have Danny, or possibly the therapist AI, come in and talk to Taylor about how she acted in this situation, after Lisa info-dumps on him. This then provides a point where she can explain her reasoning, justify her actions, or get her behavior corrected.
Honestly, I've started to love finding little issues like this in stories. It always allows me a chance to try and help somebody get better at something they (presumably) enjoy doing, even if I'm probably more likely to end up halping rather than helping, and it gives me an outlet to be creative in finding a solution to a problem. They're like little puzzles!
- Location
- West
She is also a liability at this point in time and has confessed to informing Coli about things regarding to Tylor. She will break and spill all she has learned once push by Coil.
She has been confined to a safe location with some limited mobility. Not Tylor's fault the local PRT is compromised. I would of personally mind wiped her and dumped her in the bird cage. Coil would be unable to get to her and she could confess to Dragon if she chose to.
I have always disliked Lisa, she can be just as bad as Coil using her powers to emotionally manipulate people into acting.
She is no saint and clearly values no one besides herself and would not care all that much if Tylor was brought in by force by Coil. I will state I never got all that fare into the original novel and gave up during the bombing arc. So my take is more fanon then canon.
She is a opportunity seeking villain rather then Coil's scorched earth tactic villain type.
I would like to see how she develops without her powers if Tylor decides to remove them later on.
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- Location
- Sorsogon City
I would gladly disagree with you on this subject, not because of Lisa, but because of how Taylor acted, reading their entire dialogue made taylor sound more like a businessman or rouge not a hero and I would not have a problem with how taylor treated lisa in this chapter if it weren't for the fact that she did so in a way that made her seam like a high functional psychopath. And I do agree that Lisa is not a saint but in all honesty she's a teenage girl, I haven't really seen a teenager that won't try to emotionally manipulate someone if they think they could get away with it and if you have than please reply because you might have just restored my faith in humanity. But i digress it was actually taylor's entire thought process in this chapter not how she treated lisa that really made me uncomfortable and made me question the speed in which taylor is changing from a human thought process to the thought process of a logic driven cybernetic organism.
In short if you want to create a Hero Taylor don't make sound like she believes that if someone is a villain that makes it a perfectly acceptable reason to try and master them into being better people, regardless of good intentions that is still low-key mind control.
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- Location
- West
I will say Tylor could of worded somethings better and not brought up testing. She has now made herself seem less innocent.
Tylor is younger then Lisa and has less experience with cape life. Has had to fall back on her ability's in order to ferret out if Lisa is being truthful. Her actions can be said to be more realistic when faced with having her family threatened. She has already picked up a partial lie when asking for Lisa's name and noticed Lisa try and manipulate her emotions with her wording so any building empathy/trust was shot.
She went about telling her father all that transpired and his take was to hand her over if Lisa stepped out of bounds.
I see nothing wrong with Tylor straight out saying she would be happy with handing her over to the authorities who would be more then likely send her to prison for 5 years or more. She never threated to kill or torture the girl only detain until the danger had been dealt with.
I don't see how this could of gone better without the fear Lisa felt of being over handed to the PRT. This allowed Tylor to know that Lisa was being truthful as fare as her power could tell and allowed Lisa to know that Tylor was not so easily manipulated.
I have to say lots of fanfic always have Lisa down as a unwilling villain but she chose her path long before Coil came around.
- Location
- Texas
24th century trek tech means she has access to the GENESIS DEVICE !!! yes the federation banned it because it can be used as a planet destroying WMD. but it can be used for it's intended purpose, teraforming planets. and in the long run teraforming Venus is much better than Mars, Venus is closer to the Earth in size than Mars and still in the Goldilocks zone. so a much better end game goal. still a mars base is a good short term goal. and there is no reason she can't GENESIS Mars as well. unless Mars is too small to hold a proper atmosphere. I MUST DO RESEARCH!!!!
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Still another good chapter. I just have to wonder how much Lisa's power is freaking out.Then doesn't the symbiote from Marvel count as a parasite considering that it technically encourages conflict through aggression or enhanced emotions
- Location
- West
Sure from what I remember they are sentient and can survive off of other less conflict driven sources but most choose conflict due to genetic memory. Something about a god but don't remember too well.
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
They are something of both. Without the conflict drive (and the latter let's destroy earth stuff) they would be clear symbionts. With that, it is significantly less clear, and you can argue for both. They do not care that much for their Host, after all...
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
The magnetic field that Mars has not (or is to weak) is the bigger issue...
She has no blueprints she has the science, without the backing of a 24th century civilization or massive design and production perks we will not see any starships and the infinite energy device is handheld (Thanks to an error of the jumpauthor)
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The Protomatter was unstable, it is probable not a good idea to play around with it, if you want to keep Mars.
- Location
- Odessa
I do somewhat agree, but I think the problem is in lack of proper reasoning provided, lack of described emotional response and not the behavior itself:
1. That 'plea' for help did not sound all that genuine while mixed in with manipulation attempts and was mostly lacking actual 'plea' part. With Taylor's 'canon' thrust issues, it would have been effectively forcing Taylor to hate and 'want to save' Lisa at the same time. Also since Taylor was being 'used' there was no moral block for Taylor to not 'use' would-be-batrayer in return, but Taylor's version of 'use' was far fairer and direct.
2. Taylor could have left Lisa and everything would have been fine. Lisa's situation was far from as dire as Lisa tried to paint it and Taylor's confrontation with Coil is effectively inevitable after all (Taylor should have realized that). Yet Taylor gave Lisa far better deal than Lisa deserved given the situation.
3. It's one thing to save random person (or someone like Panacea). It's completely another thing when person you are saving is a threat to your family. Taylor can be very loyal, so I doubt desire to be a hero would have won over more serious threat to her father and this case sounds like balanced compromise between family and heroic action.
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- Location
- Internet, The
"the Simurgh" (capitalisation)
That is quite useful, though I wonder how that works if the Simurgh ever decides to visit the moon again. (Her first appearance was from behind the moon… actually, it would be interesting if she left anything behind from before her first public appearance…
Does this Taylor know where the Simurgh came from? In her position I would be tempted to calculate and visit the first place she appeared and search for anywhere she might have appeared from.
"Tinkertech", presumably.
Also very interesting. I wonder if that would also apply to Endbringer-created tech or "living" tech like Dragon.
Oh, what happened to Deputy Director Renick? I hope he is alright.
Understandable, but also removes some of the benefit the therapist provides. I also imagine that watching another's therapy session will be quite awkward if not outright creepy.
Speaking of creepy…
At least one outright positive perk: Her scanners (and other medical equipment) should work much better like this.
- Location
- Mass
Hey, just a bit of criticism here, your dialogue reads very... blandly. It lacks inflections and those little character traits in them. I mean, tattletale isn't always smugageddon but that doesn't mean that there shouldn't be hints of her personality in her voice when she speaks.
right now a lot of the dialogue reads like,
"Who are you working for."
"I am working for coil."
"Why are you working for him?"
"I am working for him because he threatened me."
And instead you could go for something that sounds more... natural, like:
"So this guy you're working for, who is he?"
"Well, what do you know about coil?"
"Not much, guy wears a skintight suit and hasn't really done much. From what I found people aren't even sure he has powers."
"Firstly, he has powers, definitely. I think it's some combination of info gathering thinker, and some kind of enhanced sensing. He knew who I was and what my powers were beforeI even talked to his agents. And by the time I had a escape route planned.... there was already a gun at the back of my head. Metaphorically speaking, a sniper isn't exactly right behind me."
"So what, you're not working for him willingly? Haven't you been with your team for atleast a couple weeks, meaning that you've been out of his grasp for awhile now?"
"Ok, so the undersiders (that's our team name by the way) are working for coil to. Just like most independent villains in the city, plus one in the merchants I'm pretty sure. Basically even without the mercenaries he keeps on payroll, he has too many people under his thumb for me to get away without getting me killed or captured and turned into his pet thinker under threat of death."
Something along those lines, conveyes the same info, with a greater feel for the characters and the information presented.
I still enjoy the story, and I love the plot so far, but this would make it perfect in my opinion.
right now a lot of the dialogue reads like,
"Who are you working for."
"I am working for coil."
"Why are you working for him?"
"I am working for him because he threatened me."
And instead you could go for something that sounds more... natural, like:
"So this guy you're working for, who is he?"
"Well, what do you know about coil?"
"Not much, guy wears a skintight suit and hasn't really done much. From what I found people aren't even sure he has powers."
"Firstly, he has powers, definitely. I think it's some combination of info gathering thinker, and some kind of enhanced sensing. He knew who I was and what my powers were beforeI even talked to his agents. And by the time I had a escape route planned.... there was already a gun at the back of my head. Metaphorically speaking, a sniper isn't exactly right behind me."
"So what, you're not working for him willingly? Haven't you been with your team for atleast a couple weeks, meaning that you've been out of his grasp for awhile now?"
"Ok, so the undersiders (that's our team name by the way) are working for coil to. Just like most independent villains in the city, plus one in the merchants I'm pretty sure. Basically even without the mercenaries he keeps on payroll, he has too many people under his thumb for me to get away without getting me killed or captured and turned into his pet thinker under threat of death."
Something along those lines, conveyes the same info, with a greater feel for the characters and the information presented.
I still enjoy the story, and I love the plot so far, but this would make it perfect in my opinion.
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- Location
- Earth
It's her warehouse, Lisa is a new prisoner.
I don't see how watching it removes the benefit to Lisa.
MC had to make sure Lisa was talking and keeping up her end of the deal after all.
The postcog per for the WH is extremely useful, I don't see how it's creepy. The WH is pretty much her house, how are camera in your house that you control creepy.
- Location
- Internet, The
Sure, go ahead and install a cameras all over your house, including all bathrooms and bedrooms and listen in on all phone calls and ostensibly private discussions people have there, then ask the other occupants if they think it's creepy. Also, send them to therapy because of all their mental issues and then spy on that, too. I'm sure they can relax enough to get full use out of therapy after they find out about it… /s
I'd consider the inherent creepiness of turning your apartment complex, doctor's office and therapist's office into an actual panopticon to be self-explanatory. Even high-security prisons are not monitored as closely as Taylor's therapist is.
I'd consider the inherent creepiness of turning your apartment complex, doctor's office and therapist's office into an actual panopticon to be self-explanatory. Even high-security prisons are not monitored as closely as Taylor's therapist is.
- Location
- Earth
It's her first test of the therapist on a Parahuman and Lisa or the therapist does not know Taylor's watching so it can't impact then at all.
Leaving holes in a secure pocket dimensions just is too risky. This is not prison stakes in which such risk is acceptable, this is world ending stakes.
It's still not creepy as the WH is essentially a part of herself.
- Pronouns
- Masculine
Eeeexcellent story as a whole! Just finished binging it and I'm already in love! Avidly watching for future installments.
And yeah, the Celestial Forge is fucking broken.
And now with Lisa recruited, things are going to pick up in some very interesting ways. Especially if Taylor decides to pick up the Undersiders too. Which would be good for her.
Still, faking Lisa's death will be very useful and totally throw a wrench in Coil's plans. As it is, with Lisa now in hand, Coil's days are numbered. And now with TNG... yeah, shit is about to get very real indeed. Can't wait to see Lisa's reaction to the replicators and more.
So very awesome in so many ways. Seeing Taylor use all this and try and fix the world is even more satisfying to me then an OC doing it, though I definitely am going to check out Brockton Bay's Celestial Forge next.
I love how large the chapters are, by necessity. And really am enjoying this. Its satisfying as heck. And only going to get more and more fascinating as the story deepens and broadens.
And yeah, the Celestial Forge is fucking broken.
And now with Lisa recruited, things are going to pick up in some very interesting ways. Especially if Taylor decides to pick up the Undersiders too. Which would be good for her.
Still, faking Lisa's death will be very useful and totally throw a wrench in Coil's plans. As it is, with Lisa now in hand, Coil's days are numbered. And now with TNG... yeah, shit is about to get very real indeed. Can't wait to see Lisa's reaction to the replicators and more.
So very awesome in so many ways. Seeing Taylor use all this and try and fix the world is even more satisfying to me then an OC doing it, though I definitely am going to check out Brockton Bay's Celestial Forge next.
I love how large the chapters are, by necessity. And really am enjoying this. Its satisfying as heck. And only going to get more and more fascinating as the story deepens and broadens.
- Pronouns
- He
1) You can't dump someone in the birdcage without a trial, and that would be a prime assassination / recovery moment for Coil (especially since Taylor have no idea how deep Coil have infiltrated the PRT). Heck, what Tattletale did isn't birdcage worthy. So terrible idea.
2) Memory wipe tech is something you should use only as a last resort. It's terribly unethical (as would be anything that mess with the mind long term), and more importantly, you have no proof it will stay effective. Especially on someone whose power is "find stuff".
3) Taylor should absolutely use Tattletale power (by giving her an external internet access). Tattletale would be happy to help Taylor break Coil, and Taylor could use the help.
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- Location
- Earth
Hmmm... I'm wondering if this complete radiation immunity is restricted to purely environmental effects or not... because if not, it should make her immune to most energy weapons as well.
Also, it looks like it should allow her to survive much closer to sources of heat than would be apparent while in a vacuum, since heat transfer in space is almost entirely through radiation. Unless of course the heat aspect of radiation doesn't count for the immunity?
Subrosian_Smithy
endless
- Location
- Washington
- Pronouns
- She/Her/Hers
Lisa: What do you think you're doing!? You're breaking the unwritten rules!!!
Taylor: *plays the UNO reverse card*