A bit more on topic, looking back on things, and this is probably a bit basic, there's something of a Foucauldian bent to Helen's arc. The politics of kink have kinda problematized a lot of the intrinsic tensions in feminist ideology for her. It's a bit interesting then, that anthropology is kind of uniquely on point of the social sciences to really explain what Helen's going through as a pretty normal, and even extremely important process. Here, I think Zigon's account of moral breakdowns, moments where the contradictions in moral life come into focus, seems to be a pretty direct account of Helen's issues. This suggests some potentially less than completely pleasant things about the thrust of Helen's motivations:

Article:
'Moral breakdowns', Zigon writes, put one in a state of inauthenticity (2010: 9), and these 'ethical moments' are resolved, 'so that one can return to the unreflective and unreflexive comfort of the embodied moral habitus or the unquestioned moral discourse' (2008: 18). Ethics are 'aimed at cultivating this existential comfort' (2010: 5). Thus Zigon's commitment to his version of Heideggerian phenomenology leads him to a singular and normative conception of the necessary telos of ethics.
Source: Laidlaw, James. The Subject of Virtue (New Departures in Anthropology) (p. 125). Cambridge University Press. Kindle Edition.


This (ignore that I'm quoting someone from a source tearing the quoted argument to shreds) seems nearly dead on (though perhaps I'm being a bit uncharitable in treating Helen's angst over Rowan as less about Rowan and more about how it disturbs Helen's moral equilibrium.)
 
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I will attempt to write about some of the theoretical inspirations behind this story when I finish it. But elements of Foucault are certainly here. I can't really speak for moral philosophy, though - I am one of those terrible people who never got a solid philosophy courses and instead uses critical theory.
 
This (ignore that I'm quoting someone from a source tearing the quoted argument to shreds) seems nearly dead on (though perhaps I'm being a bit uncharitable in treating Helen's angst over Rowan as less about Rowan and more about how it disturbs Helen's moral equilibrium.)
Yeah, it seems pretty on point.
I don't think I'd characterize it as uncharitable though. If you're going to be unhappy about something, being wrong about something and thus hurting your friend is a pretty appropriate thing to be unhappy about. I'd say a starting point for good moral system is that it makes you uncomfortable when you're hurting someone that you shouldn't.

If anything I'd say Helen has always had the easy out of abandoning her friend or her moral system, the fact that she implicitly chooses to do neither and continue making herself unhappy in search of a satisfactory answer is actually really admirable (and I suspect that tendency is a big part of what Rowan sees in her).

Rowan on the other hand had a dilemma and a similar choice, of abandoning her desires or her moral system, and chose to ignore the one that tells her "this is fucked up".
That's not a value judgement (not against Rowan anyway), as she's been dealing with this a whole lot longer than Helen, and I'd say a moral system that requires a lifetime of misery from the innocent isn't off to a good start.


I'm kind of wondering if this mirroring will somehow be worked into Helen's upcoming intro to kink.
It honestly shouldn't be that hard to explain this:
Helen gets uncomfortable about seeing Rowan's kinks in conflict with her morals, and goes out to get high and fucked by Rabbit.
Rowan gets uncomfortable about feeling Rowan's kinks (and everything else) for years, and finds a way to get high and fucked for years.
The impulse is there, Helen just doesn't address it quite as directly as Rowan does.
 
I expect there's a little more to it than moving along a single spectrum of intensity and commitment. There are lots of ways to desire that type of experience that could be desired independently or in combination.

Oh I absolutely get that. I was trying to sum up a very complicated question in a concise manner, that is all.

The rest of my comments concerning update 21:

I feel a bit bad for Helen, she really is trying to get it. I wonder if Aphrodite has plans specifically for helping her at the very least understand some of the emotional context that might make a person want it. I think if she can get it to some degree she might stop being so emotionally opposed to it even if she can't abide it from a practical standpoint. Galatea does take the idea of lifestyle bdsm to a degree that is way too far to effectively establish proper safety for people involved. I'm also wondering if Aphrodite is going to arrange for Helen to meet with Rowan at the resort. It wouldn't even surprise me if she chooses to speak with Helen through Rowan, and in that case I wonder if Helen would even recognize it if it isn't told to her. Probably not, that is the point of the dronification.

Kinda hoping Catty shows up at the resort, we haven't seen them again since the handjob scene. I'm not sure if Catty was ever intended to be a reoccurring character, but I like them.

Rabbit really is a fun character. I like how they are so unashamed of how excited they are for the Galatea resort. As always the Galatea advertising material is fun. I thought Helen might invite Rabbit along, I hope we get to see a couple scenes of what Rabbit gets up to at the resort.

Hormones come up a bit in this update, I am wondering if part of Rowan's physical transition is being handled while she is droned. Get droned, be put on hormones without your knowledge while you are in the shell, not even realize you are being changed, come out about halfway through her contract already a significant way through the transition, get all the surgical stuff done and then get droned again and get to experience it with your brand new feminine body. Lots of appeal to that idea and I could see a dommy AI having a lot of fun with that reveal.

Update 22:

I am really curious exactly what was going on with Rowan in that first scene when Helen was watching. Sounds hot. I always love to see these things from Rowan's perspective, in no small part because you always write them so sexy.

Not sure I agree with Rabbit's opinion on how subs look. I had a sub once that was punk as fuck. Over six feet tall, she looked like she would kick your ass for looking at her wrong. She was a real sweet heart.

I think the rules for dealing with drones are a good touch. They seem like reasonable rules to be in place for maintaining the safety of the drones, which I imagine is a high priority for the AI. Gotta take care of your subs after all. Seems like the first thing you would program in. The rule about not being able to request a specific drone is one I especially like, prevents some client from getting a potentially dangerous attachment to the drone. Clients can be really weird about that. As always, Helen has a very uncharitable interpretation of these rules. I'm not exactly surprised she isn't thinking about this stuff yet on the level of dividing the Galatea facade from the reality of the AI's intention. She fails to trust what Galatea says about their operations in many ways but wholeheartedly believes in the things that confirm her initial distaste of Galatea. Also, "(suggested pronoun: it)". Hoooot.

Love that Rabbit chose not to have a safe word, it's very much them and hopefully leads to some really hot scenes. Helen's reaction was funny too. As a side not, really cool to see Mx. I've thought about using it before but man it's such a chore explaining why it matters to people, and that's when people take it well.

Concerning the Rabbit/Helen discussion going on, I do transactional sex relationships a lot and I've been on the Rabbit side of this several times. I cannot even begin to explain how exhausting and frustrating it can be to have a fuck buddy (or whatever you want to call the sort of transactional sex relationship they have going on) that wants to try it but fails to manage their emotions about the situation. You gotta be almost brutally direct. It flies in the face of standard politeness in relationships, it seems really rude, but if you don't do it with someone like Helen then it is going to end very bad for both of you. Spare their emotions short term and it will come back to bite you long term. Rabbit could probably be a lot more direct in reminding her and insist on better communication, and Helen continues to have abysmal communication skills. Hopefully it doesn't blow up in their faces.

People tend to think of these sorts of relationships from the point of view of monos and giving them the benefit of the doubt, but from the other side we are putting a lot of trust in our partners to manage their emotions and if they can't handle it to be an adult about it and stop. Being drawn into a romantic/committed relationship against your wishes and having to deal with all the consequences of that is really difficult (even if your partner doesn't mean to do it). You lose a good friend over it, mutual acquaintances almost always side against you, and then there is the direct stress, pain, and guilt brought up with having a bad "break up" with someone and having to hurt them. It fucks you up.

It's basically the whole "friend zoning" thing, but for some reason I honestly don't get the normal understanding people have of this situation goes out the window when sex is involved. Maybe I'm just wired differently.

Anyway, I'm just ranting at this point. lets bring this back to Rabbit and Helen. I think Helen is being quite unfair to Rabbit with the way she takes them bringing it up. "Helen had just given up on the right to complain, and it was all they needed" is really unfair imo. Rabbit is reminding her of the boundaries they both agreed to, and a big part of that is that Helen wouldn't hold Rabbit accountable for the possibility of Helen being unable to handle her own emotions. Also Helen is the most unreliable of narrators and she tends to assign all sorts of negative motivations so I would take her assessment with all the grains of salt. I do hope Helen learns to handle those emotions better and both of them learn ti insist on better communication.
 
The weeks that followed
And the less she could see Rowan in this strange, shiny body, the less she watched, until the surveillance app faded from the "recently used" tab and she stopped opening it at all.
And so those months passed, the spring giving way to the suffocating heat and scalding sun of high summer.
It does feel a bit odd for Helen to go from nightly, obsessive watching to 'doesn't even look for weeks to months'. I know it's partly to let the timeskip happen for the trip, but it seems like a hard swerve, particularly once Rowan started talking right to her.

Helen tried not to look too hard; she really didn't want to learn who of the country's one percent decided to live out their decadent sex dreams away from the eyes of society. It just surprised her that even though the people around were mostly men, she could notice at least two or three couples, some stately bourgeois marriages. Then, she noticed a silver-haired man and a woman easily thirty years younger sitting together; she looked just as hopelessly out of place as Helen was, awkward in her designer dress.

And then she didn't want to look at those people any longer.
Suddenly making me recall my Sartre, with the awareness of being seeing causing a sudden shift in self-image.
"Arise ye wretched of the earth…" Rabbit intoned in response, but even they refused to raise their voice.
If they started singing The Internationale right there, I'd have cracked up.
Aphrodite had to know what she was doing when she offered her the plus one option on this visit. Even if Helen wanted to withdraw now, even if she was to panic and refuse, it would mean leaving them hung out to dry.
It also felt like Aphrodite was letting Helen bring a +1 as a support for herself, since alone Helen would be even more unbalanced and nervous. Even offering as little emotional engagement as they are, Rabbit is still calming her and reminding her to breathe now and then.
 
It also felt like Aphrodite was letting Helen bring a +1 as a support for herself, since alone Helen would be even more unbalanced and nervous. Even offering as little emotional engagement as they are, Rabbit is still calming her and reminding her to breathe now and then.

This is the sort of thing I mean by Helen assigning negative motives. It could be because Aphrodite wanted her to have someone for emotional support. It could have been because she wanted to "even the odds" a bit to help their discussions be on even terms. Hell, it could have even been "bring a bodyguard if you need to so you can feel protected". It could be something negative, or it could have been something meant to help. The range is large, but Helen tends to think about this sort of thing in very narrow terms and then aggressively assigning these motives to people and holding them accountable (at least in her own head) for motivations they don't necessarily have.

The conversation we see with Rowan and Helen is full of this stuff. Helen jumps from one negative accusation about Rowan's motivations to another until Rowan is completely overwhelmed and the conversation just ends. She tries to understand, but her communication skills are terrible, she interrogates instead of listens, and the amount of times she insults Rowan or implies insults in that conversation is honestly painful. For someone trying to help a desperate friend in pain and about to make a serious, self destructive mistake she sure punches down a lot. While that was probably a bit of an extreme example of Helen's behavior based on things we read later that seems to be the normal mode Helen opperates in when discussing things she finds uncomfortable, particularly Rowan's kinks. Assume hostility and fight. It's a pretty terrible mindset to build understanding.
 
xxiii. helen. bad dance
xxiii. helen. bad dance

Rabbit put down the brush, gathered a tiny bit of silver-blue glitter on the tip of their finger and smudged it alongside the edges of their face. They frowned at their reflection in the mirror for a moment, then smiled and turned to Helen.

"How do I look?" they asked.

"Brilliant," Helen replied, the word coming off dull and flat; her mouth dry, her throat clenched.

She meant it, for what it was worth. Excited and beaming, Rabbit practically shone with twinkish chrarm. They'd spent the last hour and a half prettying themself up, while Helen had just sat in the corner fidgeting with a keycard and stewing in the slow-motion misery of having her insides churn with the half-imagined impressions of what the night would bring.

Rabbit nodded contently, then looked back to the stack of their palettes.

"Hey," they said warmly, "do you want me to make you up?"

"We'll be late," Helen muttered without a trace of enthusiasm. "We probably should get going."

"It's not like they'll close the bar on us," Rabbit shrugged their slender shoulders. "In fact, the later we arrive, the lower the chance we'll have to mingle with the clientele, so..." they let their voice drop.

They had a good point. Helen thought about all those politicians, all those businessmen and idle rich who came here to get off on whatever Galatea had to offer. A good half of them—good half, yeah right—were cheating on their wives right now, she bet. Or husbands, or whatever. What was she even doing here, among them? She reached for the jug of water, poured herself a glass, drank a bit, and shivered.

"Helen," Rabbit whispered, shuffling closer, perching themselves on the edge of bed within arm's reach. They leaned in; there was an unusual softness in the way they looked at her. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" she lied, gulping audibly. "No. I'm just… just worried, okay? Stage fright, or something. It's gonna be alright. I'm just worried about you and…"

Rabbit sighed.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," they said, straining not to let frustration bleed into their voice. "Get some weed, I'm sure they'll bring you some if you ask, bake yourself into a stupor, sleep it off. Tomorrow's also a night."

It was tempting. It really, really was.

"What if they do something to you," Helen whispered back, avoiding looking Rabbit in the eye. "What if you can't even…"

"Drop it," Rabbit snapped, the soft impression gone in an instant. "You don't need to stand guard over me. I'm a grown person who knows what they're doing."

Helen opened her mouth to speak back, to remind them that what they were doing was just excessive, that it flew in the face of every rule of consent, that it was bound to end terribly, that they would end up getting…

She shook her head and just looked at her, vaguely helpless.

"Okay," Rabbit added after a moment, staring at her with mounting concern. "Do you? Do you actually want to go?"

"I have to," Helen said, forcing some steadiness into herself. God, she was an adult woman, she should not be acting like a quavering schoolgirl.

"Okay, if we're going," Rabbit declared forcefully; they reached out to her, half reassuring, half impatient. "Please promise me you're not going to make a scene out of it? Because if you are, just stay here, it'll be healthier for both of us."

"I won't," Helen said in what she hoped was a solemn tone. "I promise won't ruin your fun."

"Good," Rabbit smiled. "So now I'm just going to order you something to smoke to get you off the edge, and we're off. You're fine with that?"

She swallowed, turned the keycard one more time in her hands, and nodded.

***

The distant thumping of music beckoned, carried through the steel walls like the beating of a giant heart. They followed rows of guiding lights, descending the now-empty corridor. Everyone seemed to have vanished into the bowels of the facility; the scant few people they passed were all hurrying to places unknown. The other visitors had to be there too; at times, they heard their voices or laughed, but saw no one.

It was only as the music around them grew more intense and the electronic tones came distinct from the measured beat that they came across others. The lights dimmed, warmed whites and yellows giving way to artificial neon-blues and purples. They passed by a stately looking man quickly whispering into his phone about how he would not be able to answer any calls in the days to come, by an elderly couple in luxury evening wear holding themselves close some distance from the main event; no one seemed to pay them much attention.

And, they arrived at a door.

It was a simple, thick slab of steel, with a key-card reader next to it, right under a row of information plaques urging the visitors to keep Galatea security regulations in mind, reminding them who to consult in case of a particular need and informing that past this past this point, "Galatea safeword regulations" would go into effect. The music coming from behind it was clear and loud enough to go past ears and nest in the gut. Helen looked at Rabbit, hoping against hope, and against herself, that they would turn back suddenly, that they would call someone to change the arrangements, so that…

"Okay," Rabbit said with a deep breath; they touched the card to the scanner and waited for all the lights to turn green. "At some point during the night, I'm going to get abducted. Don't freak out, please."

"You…" Helen gasped, and the layers of anxiety clouding her mind briefly parted at the touch of a sharp, sudden burst of anger. "You're dropping that on me now?"

"You promised," Rabbit reminded her quietly. "I'm gonna be fine."

They opened the door.

The music hit her first, a thrumming wave flooding the mind with enough impact to break through thoughts and drown out worries. Struck mute, she followed Rabbit into a gallery overlooking a roiling sea of neon light. It was a teeming, swirling mess of color, not bright, but saturated as to drench and sink into every surface. Shades and hues danced in the flicker and strobe, the light pulsating like a heart. There was a smell of liquor in the air, of steel, of sex, of things better…

"Come on!" Rabbit shouted, their voice cutting over the sonic assault. They grabbed Helen by the hand and dragged her forward. In the purple and blue glow, they shone jewel-bright, skin shimmering, face afire; compared to them, Helen had to look little better than a shade, a spill of ink.

They descended into the frenzy below, Helen's eyes slowly adjusting to the light, first thoughts managing to punch through the sound-veil. It wasn't that the music deafened, even though it resonated straight in the bones; but there was something to it that went beyond the beat and the melody, a spectral thread. Not quite a voice—more like a howl or maybe a modulated moan, too distorted to possibly come from a human throat, but captivating nonetheless. It laced the music, or rather haunted it, weaving and wafting above and below the rhythm. And no matter what the place around her was, Helen could feel it get its hooks into her muscles, settle into the recesses of her mind, grab her by the throat. It wasn't that she loved it. It wasn't the kind of music that would make her scream in joy. But it seized her and would not release her, and she could only try to let it in.

She walked over translucent panels set into the floor; below, a tangle of wires ran the span of the hall, braided tight. They too throbbed with light, red diode waves sweeping through them to the beat, bloodlike. Helen had seen this before, but in the moment, there was no room for coherent thought and memory in her. People mingled below, visible as pools of shadow, silhouettes drawn with light. Only as Rabbit led her below did individual shapes peel from the teeming mass.

They were the elite she had seen before, but they were not the same. Even those among them who stuck to their tailored suits and high fashion dresses now seemed not-quite-human. Bathed in the flickering light, they stood out demonic and predatory, the imperfections of flesh, the small ugliness of overused human form flensed from the shape of the body by flickering dark. If they spoke, their voices carried a crackle in the melody, a hitch and a hiss.

Others shed that skin and chose differently. Helen's eyes trailed after an older woman in what seemed to be a uniform of kinds, the buttons and insignia catching light like fire, burning from her shoulder and chest. Some chose nothing at all. There was a tower of sculpted muscle in the shape of a man, a silver thread of a leash running from his groin to the hand of an imperious woman.

And then, mingling between them, light playing striking games of iridescence on their polished shells, there were the drones. They made Helen exhale, her heart skip a beat. She had seen them before; she knew their look, their form, their grace. And yet, a material thing emerging so close as to be touched, and allowed to be touched…

Some served. With their arms fastened to their sides and trays bolted to their torsos, they shuffled between the clients precariously balanced on their absurd heels, delivering drinks and refreshments. But they were just as much for use as for their service. Helen watched, bitter taste pooling in the back of her mouth, a man came across one of them and swiped a glass from the tray. He was the bearded tech executive she had seen before, now stripped to the waist to showcase his chest, this beautiful marvel sculpted by a retinue of personal trainers and dieticians.

He did not let the drone go. Sipping his fluorescent drink, he reached down the drone's back, large hand closing and grasping. A circle came alight on the drone's blank face, an oscilloscope of sorts; mesmerized or maybe disgusted, Helen watched it twist and contract with the man's touch, mapping the motion of his hand. He watched, idly pleased.

When Rabbit also stopped to stare, he noticed and toasted them, not releasing his catch. Helen felt like porcelain, like glass.

There were other services the drones were made to perform; Rabbit pulled Helen's arm and pointed her towards something crawling alongside the edge of the floor. They moved their mouth, but their words vanished in the sonic boom. Yet, it was enough for Helen to notice a low table slowly make its way back and forth across the ground. It was a body forced on its all fours, arms and legs folded together into an impression of stubby legs, backed pulled tense and straight, transformed into a level top. Some were stopped in their wanderings; surrounded by cushions, they were a rest for drinks, for feet, for those staring at the true stars of the show. Helen followed the eyes of those people.

"Holy shit," she whispered to herself, the images hammering at her one after one.

There were drones that served, and then there were those that performed. At the center of the floor, there was a podium, and on the podium, raised to be visible to all, there was a glass dome, and inside of it, there was a body clad in iridescent black. Strapped loosely to a frame, its legs wide apart, it strode atop a piston, the tip of its long arm disappearing between the drone's legs.

The music hammering through her veins, Helen watched as in time with the blink-red heartbeat of the hall, the dildo extended inside the drone's body, moving up the surface of its stomach as a shining red display, to a depth Helen sorely wished was exaggerated. With each pump of the piston, the drone jerked puppet-like in its bonds, and a counter boldly broadcast across its blank face went up a number, just as its entire throat lit up in the colors of music. And then it hit Helen what the moan in the melody was, where the wail originated.

The song thrummed in her muscle and bone, played on the instrument of a dehumanized, fucked body, and what a splendorous song it was! If only she did not feel like breaking, like shattering.

There was an audience to the spectacle, eagerly watching the concert, and there were also those who found it a beat to dance to, moving to the heartbeat of Galatea, hammered out of a quavering drone body.

To the sides, there were other amusements and spectacles, more direct and intimate. Glass cases lined the walls, drones trapped or a few. Some were let free to struggle against their glass cages, more still restrained and attached to devices of torture or pleasure, if the distinction even mattered for Galatea. And next to each of those displays, there was a control panel, freely available for anyone interested to come over and play with the bodies inside. Frozen in place, feeling Rabbit tug at her and try to get her to move, Helen stared at a stately gentlewoman sitting in front of this exotic, monstrous dance, a hand on her groin, the other setting the spreadeagled drone inside into blue-lit electric spasms.

"Holy shit," Helen repeated, feeling as if her legs could no longer support her.

She knew this place.

Before, she had only seen glances of it, scattered snapshots, pieces, not such sweeping vistas, but she had seen enough to to recognize the heartbeat in the floor, the display of conditioned bodies, the tools and the trade. She had watched Rowan writhe on this very floor. It wasn't a surprise to realize that Aphrodite had brought her to the same facility where her friend was used in; she had always expected it to happen. But to know was one thing, and to have the cold certainty sink down into her awareness was another.

Something inside of her started to give in.

Thoughts battered down the wall of music, and dragged her down with them. What if she was looking at Rowan right now, what if one of those drones was her, what if the music gripping her was woven out of her wails and screams, what if Rowan could see her right now…

Cold sweat broke on her skin. What if Rowan looked at her, right now, from the position of humiliation and enslavement, what if the drone with the drinks right in front of her was Rowan, staring, forbidden from speaking, from acting, what if this was all…

She looked at Rabbit, saying something into her ear, the words dissolving into scattered glossolalia before they could reach her brain, and remembered that she had made a promise. However afraid she was, however much—no, she couldn't. She squeezed her fingers until she felt the nails into the skin, she breathed in and out, and forced herself, with all the strength that she could muster, to not snap. Barely, she held.

"Yeah?" she spoke back to Rabbit, her words lost in the noise. Rabbit made a gesture, as if a drink, then another at her ear, and indicated a side-door leading away from the floor. Helen just followed, to be anywhere other than in this neon sea.

They entered a side corridor, still pulsating with music; on the wall, there were directions, to "amphitheaters", to the second dance floor, to the bar, to the booths. Rabbit pointed at the last, and led the shell-shocked Helen down into a padded darkroom.

As soon as the door closed behind them, the quiet click of the locking mechanism promising unperturbed privacy, the sound cut off. Helen could still feel it, if she touched the floor or the walls, but it was only a vibration, and an echo in her ears. She breathed out freely, watching Rabbit drop onto a sofa. After a moment, she followed them, carefully sitting down, sinking into the soft upholstery.

The room was made both for privacy and for sex. Behind a screen, Helen glimpsed a bed, a bench, a locker doubtlessly filled with everything kinksters could ever need. Nervously, she looked back to Rabbit—she really hoped that they did not have any ideas right now. She really… really needed a moment just to put her thoughts back into something resembling coherence.

She just hoped that they wouldn't notice that she was shivering.

"I'm getting a drink," Rabbit declared, leaning into what turned to be a concealed, built-in screen in the table, "and a..." they squinted, "a back massage. You want anything?"

"J-just water," Helen stammered.

"Sure," Rabbit punched in the order and leaned back. "God, just—holy shit. I'm going back to watch in a moment."

Helen didn't say anything; her lips felt dry, tongue stiff and frozen in place. Whatever was this place? Images of bodies played like toys, like tiny gizmos, like flesh that could be puppeted for—

"Did you notice how those drones to the side," Rabbit murmured dreamily, "had those… brain scans display on their faces? Like you could tell when they were getting close to the peak and then… I just," she paused, "I just can't imagine how this must feel, God!"

There was no hint of terror in their voice, no sign of disgust or fear. Helen knew it wasn't coming and yet—how did she feel now? Alone? Alienated? How could they all see it just as—how could she not? Her head felt heavy; music, though quieted, still threatened to split it open; the wail the fucking machine drew from the body whose face was a number trailed behind her, spectral, ghastly.

The door opened and immediately closed, letting in a drone, a strange-looking, a classic negroni in one of its hands, a crystal water bottle in the other. Without a sound other than the clicking of its heels, it put the refreshments down in front of them, and then moved behind Rabbit, fingers touching their back.

"A bit higher," they purred, the drone matching the order immediately. Helen stared. "Wow," they added after a moment, "it's really good."

The drone continued, oblivious or uninterested in the comment, its hands and fingers working the nape of Rabbit's head.

"You should get some of that," they suggested at Helen. "It's… you could learn so—"

They noticed something, and shut up mid-sentence. Helen tried to smile in gratitude; she drank some of the water, the cool slowly rolling down a throat so tight it might as well have been tied shut. There were feelings inside of her, emotions and sensations twisting and winding on each other, a crawling insectile mass chewing out its nest in the private places of her body, dark thoughts hazing about her, impressions of what this place really was. Old, familiar, well-understood concepts ready to be deployed, to make sense of this neon-soaked horror and condemn it, as she should have done long ago.

But she hadn't come here for that. It was the feeblest comfort, knowing that she hadn't come here to be terrified or appalled, but to try to understand. And that meant suppressing it all, stuffing it deep, deep inside, holding it together with all of her strength, so that she would have a mind open enough to learn, and decency enough not to violate the promise that Rabbit had extracted from her.

Plus, she had her own experience to look forward to. She had to be ready.

She had to…

"So the shows going on right now…" Rabbit said dreamily, looking at the screen. "There is some dude getting pegged in the first amphitheater, and it's apparently public viewing, ew. Then… drones dance? Apparently they are somehow joining them beyond making them dance together, that sounds deliciously weird…"

Helen just nodded along, her imagination serving her a picture of a conjoined twin in latex dress forced to dance by some cruel overseer. It couldn't be that, could it? Her thoughts swirled, throbbing with the echoes of that fucked up song, of the sights.

"...some more drug 'em and see them struggling to come, I guess," they continued, "and an open corporeal punishment booth if you want to get your ass spanked, or beat black and blue. You interested in any of that?"

Once again, Helen said nothing, drinking the water slowly and trying not to break down.

"Okay," Rabbit sighed after a moment, turning to face her. In the dim light of the booth, their face glittered and shone like a beautifully painted mask. "Helen. Do you want to leave?"

"N-No," she forced out. "I promised. Just—"

"Okay," Rabbit repeated. "I can see you're barely on your feet just from that show in the main hall."

"Yeah," she admitted, dropping her head a bit. "I just need a moment to adjust."

Rabbit inhaled, then smiled, not unkindly.

"Good," they said. "I guess—I'll just go, catch some entertainment, and get back to you later. Stay here if you want, this place is private, quiet, you can just rest and unwind. Get a drink, a tea, whatever."

"Right," Helen agreed, feeling the tiniest bit of tension release. This room wasn't that bad: quiet, remote. She could calm down here. Muster courage.

"Cool. And, Helen?" they stood up, brushing the drone's hands away, to come over to her and quickly put a hand on her shoulder, the warmth in their fingers seeping through the fabric of Helen's shirt. "I appreciate you trying. Justs don't—don't hurt yourself. Drone," they turned back to the shell that massaged her, "get this woman a pot of your best tea."

It did not acknowledge the order, but immediately it vanished out of the room to fetch the tea.

Rabbit held her for a moment longer. It was nice having a steady hand to remind her that there were people caring for her, even now, but it felt so very bizarre that this person was Rabbit. When was the last time they had supported her like that? Just how miserable did she come across now?

"Later," they finally said, peeled back and disappeared to chase some perverted high.

Silence shrouded Helen. She reclined further, then just kicked her boots off and laid down on the couch, head rested on folded hands. Thoughts and echoes hammered at the inside of her head; her body felt as if it had gone through a long run; she felt sweaty and sticky. Everything about this place scared her.

This was not how sex should be. This was not how joy should be. This was not how bodies should be. This sort of mechanized exploitation, of flesh slaved to high technology, this idea that you can make a thing out of a human: it terrified her. But that fear, that fear was nothing compared to what the real worry was. To think that others could see it as beautiful, to think that there could be joy here, and that even her body could feel the music torn out of a tortured throat as something touching, magnificent—that chilled her.

This was not how things were supposed to be. This was something she was meant to fight, not struggle to understand. But she owed that much to people so close to her. She thought back to the feeling of betrayal she'd had when Rowan vanished into the maw of Galatea; Helen would not betray back. She would not abandon her.

And this is where her attempt had brought her. To a backroom in a palace of horrors, left behind a shivering wreck in the first hour, Rabbit, of all people, showing her pity. And this was just the beginning.

The drone snuck back into the room, leaving a tray with a pot of fragrant tea on the table, then vanished. Even being served like that rubbed Helen wrong; she didn't want to be treated like some kind of an elite, someone to be obediently and wordlessly attended to by servants whose primary ability was to remain unseen.

It would be so easy just to curse this place, and everything it represented. She was so tired of this loop, of coming across some sort of a realization only to snap back to visceral disgust and worry at the sight of the next part of the Galatea show. Why couldn't it just end? Why couldn't she just get it? What was wrong with her?

She had committed so much of her life to an attempt, an honest, sincere attempt at making the world a better place for people who were different, for those who couldn't fit in the existing hierarchies and systems, for those who brought in sneers and insults, for the wretched of earth, whoever they might be. And this attempt had to, always, start with herself, with personal empathy as the root for political change. And yet, here she was, choking on a shouted "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

She was supposed to be better than that. She had put in so much effort. She couldn't stop now, she couldn't chicken out just because the place worried her.

Somewhere, in all those thoughts, she dozed off into a shallow, uneasy nap. When she woke after what could have been an hour, or just as easily fifteen minutes, Rabbit was nowhere to be seen. Helen sipped the cold tea, rubbed her temples and thought.

There was a dull feeling all over her, this kind of an afterthought of exhaustion. She pushed away at the part of her that yearned to lay back down and sleep again, and tried to figure out where to go. She probably should try to find Rabbit; hopefully the place wasn't big enough for that to prove impossible. At least she no longer felt as if a bomb had gone off in her head. The initial shock of the night gave way to a mood of slimy bleakness, bitter taste in the mouth, stale sweat sticking to skin.

Find Rabbit, or maybe find Rowan. God, how would she even? Ask drones if they were her friend, by chance, by accident? She chuckled a desperate, sad laugh. She really should go find Rabbit, before they got "abducted", whatever that was going to mean. Hopefully not getting driven off in a van into a distance.

Without a shred of enthusiasm, she dragged herself off the couch and stepped out into the corridor, dearly hoping not to run into some lovelorn kinky couple sloppily making out on the floor. Thankfully, with everyone apparently being offered their private booth, there was no one in the corridor, save for a drone rushing with a fresh set of drinks towards the hammering heart of music. Helen didn't want to go back to the main floor, not yet; she'd rather check everywhere else before.

So she went, from an open door to an open door.

A glimpse of a man in a sling, swinging on and off an absurdly sized dildo mounted on the body of a drone. A glimpse of a drone frantically trying to claw through the belt across its groin, thick pipes pumping its body full of something bright red, observers cheering and chanting it on. A glimpse of people grabbing a snack away from all the craziness. A glimpse of a drone instructing a young woman in the use of a riding crop, the man twice her age strapped to gurney below, a significant audience calling him a name that Helen recognized from the TV.

Each and every sight just a few seconds, and then another door. Each and every sight alien, something spoken in a language she couldn't understand, its very sound twisting her mind into a disdainful knot. And nowhere a sign of Rabbit.

She peeled from another door, finally decided to check on the main floor, where Rabbit probably twerked to the wail of an abused drone—no, she should not think about it that way, she shouldn't frame it like that, it was the kind of—

A trio of drones marched past her, two of them holding a large rubber sack between them, strapped close with a thick buckle. There was something inside, squirming madly, wriggling and held secure. The drones paid Helen no mind, walking on deeper into the facility, and she, heart racing, followed after, the hunch that drove her plainly obvious.

They did not notice, or more likely did not care when she followed them down the winding corridor, away from the music, away into the light. They navigated a maze of empty passages and the longer Helen followed them, the more she thought she wouldn't be able to find her way back.

But she—

They did not stop walking, and did not stop struggling with their cargo, until finally the sound of the main floor had all but faded into the faintest hum, until the lights above were dim fluorescent white casting feeble light over bare steel walls reminiscent of a prison, not a resort.

Even though lone strands of faraway sound could still reach here, the air was different; gone was the heady scent of a partying excess, replaced by the sterile, antiseptic stench of detergents. There were doors running alongside walls, bare but for the red labels printed across them.

Interrogations.

Extraction.

Suppression.


Cameras did not hide their presence in their nests in the nooks of the ceiling, their careful eyes trailing the drones; and Helen. She felt their gaze on her skin; how did Rowan even manage to weather it?

Sometimes, a door would be left open, offering a glimpse of the insides; but those were no longer the amphitheaters and performances. She saw halls filled with the static blue light of surveillance screens, the life of the distant party rendered in spectral blues and ghostly whites. She saw a man held down, a golden injection going into his side, eyes rolling into the skull. She saw…

She saw torture chambers, slick, high-tech, deceptively clean, reminding her of the testing chambers Galatea dragged Rowan through.

It was into one of those rooms that the drones brought their package. A padded, elevated bench dominated it, straps and buckles dangling from its sides. Blinking, whistling electronics circled around; Helen recognized the machinery.

She stood in the doorway, heart fluttering like a maddened bird; her fingers squeezed against the metal frame; the drones still paid her no attention at all.

The sack went onto the bench; someone started to loosen the locks. Another drone climbed towards the roof, digging in the machinery above. And then, there was Rabbit, dragged from the rubber bag and pushed into the padded surface by drone hands. Helen whimpered at the state they were in.

Layers of silver duct tape bound their legs together at ankles and knees; more stuck their arms to each other, fingers wrapped in enough of it to look like gloves; and then, there their face, beautiful makeup rendered into a smudged mess under strips of tape holding their mouth shut and eyes closed. They squealed and mumbled as the drones pulled the sack off them; when their legs were free, they tried to kick, legs striking one of the drones and forcing it two steps back.

A sharp, slapping sound went through the room, another drone's hand impacting Rabbit's cheek with enough force to throw their head slightly to the side. If Helen hadn't been holding onto the frame with all her strength, she'd just rush in, throw those bastard off and—

"Know your place, whore," the drone crackled in a metallically malevolent voice.

The one standing above finally finished its work, bringing down a bizarre machine, a tangle of metal braids dangling from it, each tipped with a bulbous, profiled end.

And then, the same drone that hit her partner turned to face Helen with its faceless, inhuman head.

"If you want to watch," it said with the same static hiss. "Come inside."

The last thing Helen saw before the doors closed was a red eye come alight with a whirring whine inside the dangling mass, thick, viscous liquid beginning to drip from its metallic tendrils.

She stood in front of the shut door for a while, trying to catch any sort of a sound from the inside, a scream or a moan of pleasure. In the perfect quiet, she could hear the distant music, the thrum of engines running right behind the metal walls, the electronic whistle of Galatea's nervous system. But no voice. No sound from the inside. She looked at the door, wondering if it would open to her. Maybe. Maybe she could enter, and watch.

Instead, she sat down on the floor of the corridor, back pressed against the cool metal wall, breathing in the cold air of an intelligence blacksite built up for the purposes of bored, wealthy perverts.

She saw her partner brutally bound, struck, struggling and failing to be free and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Rabbit wanted it. She recalled how a year ago, when explaining their kinks, Rabbit mentioned that when bound, they liked to struggle against the ropes or cuffs. This kicking, this desperate fight, it was just that.

That, or Helen was just drinking the abusive kool-aid and—

No. She made a promise. She wouldn't interrupt. Even if, right now, she felt sick to her stomach, lost and more alone than she had been in years. So she sat, waiting for something to happen, head rested on curled up knees.

"Miss Hu?"

She didn't hear the two drones approach until they were towering just above her. Two sleek, bleak shells, two inhuman bodies. One of them held a collar and a lead in its hands.

"Miss Hu," the drone in front repeated. "Are you ready?"
 
... Helen plz.

Well, on the one hand that was certainly intense in exactly the self-destructive way everyone (Helen included) knew it was going to be. On the other hand, that was certainly intense in exactly the self-destructive way everyone (Helen included) knew it was going to be.

I'm starting to worry that Helen's going to be too obssessed with 'getting it' here and to unable to really grock how her experience might not actually, at all, be what people who actually enjoy this are feeling in the same situation, to use her safeword with anything resembling responsibility.
 
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Completely unsurprisingly, it is way too much for Helen right away.

Also completely unsurprisingly, Rabbit got kidnapped before they could come back as they promised.
 
It's legitimately funny to me that this story is so close to being finished now. This is my first fiction writing project I conclude? This? And I am just how stressed about trying to stick it to the landing?

I don't like this kind of sappiness normally, but thank you for reading thus far.
 
"Okay," Rabbit said with a deep breath; they touched the card to the scanner and waited for all the lights to turn green. "At some point during the night, I'm going to get abducted. Don't freak out, please."
You know, on second thought I've got to agree, Rabbit is kind of a prick.
It's nice that they try to offer a bit of comfort later, but come on...


This was not how sex should be. This was not how joy should be. This was not how bodies should be. This sort of mechanized exploitation, of flesh slaved to high technology, this idea that you can make a thing out of a human: it terrified her. But that fear, that fear was nothing compared to what the real worry was. To think that others could see it as beautiful, to think that there could be joy here, and that even her body could feel the music torn out of a tortured throat as something touching, magnificent—that chilled her.

This was not how things were supposed to be. This was something she was meant to fight, not struggle to understand. But she owed that much to people so close to her. She thought back to the feeling of betrayal she'd had when Rowan vanished into the maw of Galatea; Helen would not betray back. She would not abandon her.

And this is where her attempt had brought her. To a backroom in a palace of horrors, left behind a shivering wreck in the first hour, Rabbit, of all people, showing her pity. And this was just the beginning.

The drone snuck back into the room, leaving a tray with a pot of fragrant tea on the table, then vanished. Even being served like that rubbed Helen wrong; she didn't want to be treated like some kind of an elite, someone to be obediently and wordlessly attended to by servants whose primary ability was to remain unseen.

It would be so easy just to curse this place, and everything it represented. She was so tired of this loop, of coming across some sort of a realization only to snap back to visceral disgust and worry at the sight of the next part of the Galatea show. Why couldn't it just end? Why couldn't she just get it? What was wrong with her?

She had committed so much of her life to an attempt, an honest, sincere attempt at making the world a better place for people who were different, for those who couldn't fit in the existing hierarchies and systems, for those who brought in sneers and insults, for the wretched of earth, whoever they might be. And this attempt had to, always, start with herself, with personal empathy as the root for political change. And yet, here she was, choking on a shouted "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

She was supposed to be better than that. She had put in so much effort. She couldn't stop now, she couldn't chicken out just because the place worried her.
Oh Helen...
You're got enough revolutionary spirit that you should know, where rebels seek to make something better in the long term, they often need to make that thing worse in the immediate term.

If this is going to work at all, I expect Helen's inner tension building now is the key.


As LuckyLadyLily was saying above, Helen has a real tendency towards pessimism in interpreting others' motives.
It sometimes feels like Helen is living in an entirely separate story from what the rest of us are reading. I get a very A Song Called Youth (1) vibe from the way she seems to see things at times, right down to Helen's deep relationship to music and the places as drugs metaphor she's currently wandering around in.


And thank you for writing this Gargulec!



(1)
A real downer of a foundational cyberpunk trilogy about rebellion against a vast conspiracy of corporate neo-fascist bastards, with mind control and ubiquitous surveillance. I've not read it in years but this is making me want to pick it up (among many other books).
 
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"Helen," Rabbit whispered, shuffling closer, perching themselves on the edge of bed within arm's reach. They leaned in; there was an unusual softness in the way they looked at her. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" she lied, gulping audibly. "No. I'm just… just worried, okay? Stage fright, or something. It's gonna be alright. I'm just worried about you and…"
Helen is wound up tighter than a cuckoo clock, and about to go sproing! She's feeling the effects of not dealing with this for months, and this is the price of avoiding the stress all those months.
"You…" Helen gasped, and the layers of anxiety clouding her mind briefly parted at the touch of a sharp, sudden burst of anger. "You're dropping that on me now?"
Because Rabbit probably concluded you'd freak out just like this, and if they'd told you earlier you'd just have been doing it continuously since then?
The last thing Helen saw before the doors closed was a red eye come alight with a whirring whine inside the dangling mass, thick, viscous liquid beginning to drip from its metallic tendrils.
This is definitely for theater. Straight out of a movie.
 
Lots of sexy and fun stuff going on this chapter. Sounds like a hell of a bdsm club. The drones are awesome, that stuff with Rabbit is hot as hell.

Helen continues to be... Helen.

And this attempt had to, always, start with herself, with personal empathy as the root for political change.

There is a lot I could say about Helen in this update, but really this I feel is one of the biggest problems people like her have. Empathy is a useful tool for motivating activism but ultimately falls short as a foundation. It is easy to imagine that we will always empathize with the people who need it but that is ultimately a bad assumption. It is entirely possible for a good person to have a visceral disgusted reaction that prevents empathizing with a person or point of view that deserves your respect.

That's how you end up with otherwise good people being disgusted and hating trans people, for example. A failure to account for the possibility of your own prejudice.
 
xxiv. rowan. the argument
CW: This update contains imagery and discussion of sexual abuse!

xxiv. rowan. the argument


When she'd first noticed Helen among the new crop of party guests, Rowan had been standing on the exhibition floor, a drink-tray attached to her chest, and a handsome, half-naked man groping her. It wasn't, exactly, a passive thing, there was some play to that; of subtle ways of holding to an appearance of a deer caught in the headlights while leaning into the hand cupping her ass. People, as she had learned, were more into the idea of getting their hands on a perfectly-still, body-shaped drink tray than by the practice of having theirs on something still and listless. The trick then was in keeping up the pretense of unanimity while yielding the twitch of the flesh they desired.

In a way, she had come to believe that this was the true appeal that drones had: to give the freedom of handling a living body like a machine or a toy, without the obligations of it bearing a human face.

In practice, this meant that as the man fondled her bottom and stared at the display projected over her head, she kept her eyes away on him and fixated on a point among the raucous party bodies. And it was then that she had realized that there was a person there that stood out from the rest. They were tiny, and unlike most younger people Rowan had seen in the resort, they were not accompanied by an older sugar daddy; nor did they carry themselves with the haughty swagger of a fund kid. Purple and blue light caught on their sports shirt and played in the glitter lining the edge of their face; they stared at the displays around them with the wide-mouthed amazement of a child in a candy factory. And they were not alone.

Next to them, half-faded into the shadows in her signature blacks, there was the woman that Rowan had long yearned to see.

She looked so strikingly apart from everyone around her—a simple outfit and a tense stance, as if unaffected by the lurid frenzy around. She held her tattooed, muscled arms close to her chest, face still like a painting. She was all blacks and whites, short motions, stance heavy; so unfitting for the time and place she appeared almost spectral. But it didn't matter.

Helen was here.

The realization hit Rowan like a hammer, it pierced her like an arrow to the heart. Had it not been for the grip of programming on her body and her mind, she would have rushed to her friend, breaking every protocol and…

Focus.

Do not react.


The command flowed in with her thoughts, seized them and directed them. She did not as much as turn her head towards Helen, watching instead the man groping her toast her companion, only for that tiny person to frown with open disgust, grab Helen by the shoulder and drag her away.

Good.

Rowan stared dead forward, eyes fixated on a point among the raucous party bodies. The man's fingers continued skidding up and down her ass, until he too got bored. He slapped her with a loud, rubbery pop, and wandered off to one of the performances, to play with some other helpless drone's reactions.

It was difficult to remain in her place and continue her work; it was a struggle not to turn her head and look around for the sign of Helen's passage, to check which attraction pulled her attention the most, find out what fascinated her, what she chose. In Rowan's mind, images unfolded into a narrative, and her body quivered with sweet, desperate hope.

What if it was that by watching her, by indulging in this surveillance that Galatea provided, Helen had found a new desire in her soul? What if her presence was the fruit of the time she'd spent in admiration of the images offered? Of course, it wouldn't be love at first sight: it would unfurl from a mixture of disgust and curiosity, only later uncovering the shard of genuine fascination belying them. Rowan imagined Helen's alarm reluctantly melting away, sparking curiosity, and then that curiosity blooming into a vibrant, confusing obsession...

What else could have drawn Helen in—Helen who had once held hardcore SM porn in clear disdain, Helen who had spent weeks in failed attempts at dissuading Rowan from coming into Galatea's embrace? Why else would she attend this party, where bodies were made into instruments, and where the chief pleasure was the exhilarating feeling of an overwhelming control over a helpless, living body?

Why else?

Hopes she had never quite gotten rid of, even as she covered them up with a thin layer of accepted defeat, sprang up, frantic and hungry. They broke into her imagination and presented to it the madcap certainty that this was it, that this was her dream, that Helen's mind had really changed.

That there would be acceptance at the end of doubt.

Would Helen know Rowan was here? If she could watch her through the eyes of cameras, she would have to. Would she find her, then? Select her from the crowd of indistinct drones, meet her sight unseen, smile knowingly? Would she extend her strong hand, would she pull her into an embrace, would she whisper "it's wonderful" into her ear?

As she shuffled across the floor, serving and being used, Rowan enjoyed the rush of dreams and hopes, so close as to be tangible. Not even Helen's tense face, nor the fear at the bottom of her eyes, could spoil the moment.

The night went on. All things considered, it was pretty slow, making it easy to just tap out and allow herself to be guided by the eidolon's commands and reflexes hammered into her muscle memory. As her body went about its work, she zoned off and dreamed of Helen.

"This drone is not available for such use right now," she said unthinkingly; or at least heard her voice synthesiser crackle when someone grabbed her by the shoulder and asked to spank her. "Do you want to order another?"

"Sure," he murmured, and Rowan felt an electric tingle to alert her that the circuitry of her shell had placed the order successfully.

There was a harsh kind of joy to the fact that Helen was here, and Rowan was barred from immediately rushing to her side. The denial was a hook of arousal sunk deep into her gut. She simmered in powerlessness, in the idea that Helen wouldn't even care for seeing her, that she was here just to have some fun with the person who'd been accompanying her, that Rowan would have to watch, faceless and mute, how her friend's new fascinations unfolded on a body that wasn't hers. It was a terrible, lovely fear.

For so long, she had struggled to keep herself from hoping that this day would come, so certain that Helen could never see those desires as anything but diseased. Even now, tiny pin-pricks of suspicion stung in the back of her mind, but she paid them no heed. Doubt had never yielded her much in life, only misery and fear. She pushed against the fear of fear, and welcomed the bright, nigh-fulfilled hope. And then, the eidolon spoke to her, not with a command, but with a promise:

This day was a long time coming.

Rowan felt more than pleasure alongside those words. A sense of contentment and accomplishment sank along the wires connecting her shell to her old skin, an galvanic feeling of being touched, of being held in hand.

It came at no difficulty at all to believe with her full heart and mind that the eidolon had planned this. It was, after all, the voice that had directed her on the way out of misery, that had arranged for joy to come to her. There was a golden moment as the words sank into her consciousness in which Rowan could understand how it must feel to believe in God not as an abstract hope, but a tangible presence overflowing grace. Helen had been given a chance to see Rowan's joy, and in it, found a joy for herself. It was arranged, it was planned.

Why believe otherwise? Had she not come into Galatea months ago as a sad, terrified wreck, too alone to bear even being herself? Had she not changed according to a fantasy and into a fantasy? Was she not spending her days working amidst erotic wonders she had not even though possible? Had she not become a vessel for something so much greater and her, and yet so loving, so careful, so wonderful? So why shouldn't other things work out just as well? Why wouldn't other fantasies go unfulfilled, if this one could be designed for someone as shattered as she used to be?

She swam in light and breathed music; she served and was admired and touched and used, and Helen was here.

Even after all those months, it kept on surprising her how she could just drift her body along, attention and thought only tangentially moored to what it was doing in the moment. The eidolon's commands had a knack for slipping out of her focus, she would go and do as ordered without even registering that she had been controlled; sometimes she wondered if there was even a will left in her that was fully her own. If there had ever been one, that is.

She realized she was walking off the exhibition floor and into a side corridor, not to get her tray refilled, but to find one of the drone outfitting rooms. She just knew she had to go there, and this knowledge meant doing so immediately. There had probably been a command inputted into the machinery of her brain that she hadn't even noticed in all of her excitement over Helen.

The room was brightly lit, filled with stacked lockers and a drone docking station; as usual, it was tended to Irena, a perpetually tired-looking woman who spent her nights nose-deep in a book of crosswords. There was another drone waiting there already, sitting upright in a position of idle readiness; a large carrier lay stood on the bench next to it.

Irena raised her eyes from her night's entertainment, and put the pen down. With an unhappy grunt, she motioned at Rowan.

"Closer," she commanded, and she obeyed.

With well-practiced motions, she loosened the tray from her torso, then removed the straps locking Rowan's arms in place. She stepped back, allowing her to wave them a few times to stretch, then crouched. To her surprise, Rowan heard the metallic clicks of the shackles binding her ankles together being removed. She pecked her head in the universal drone gesture of surprise. Those chains going off indicated a very particular protocol.

"Looks like you two are on a top duty tonight," Irena confirmed Rowan's suspicion, with the throaty chuckle of someone with far too much affection for nicotine. She stood up and gave Rowan an encouraging slap on the back. "I readied everything that was requested," she indicated the bag with her shoulder. "I just hope you'll be allowed to enjoy yourselves too," she said, slumping back in her chair.

The other drone stood up, its faceplate briefly flashing a smiley face; Rowan just nodded. The woman chuckled again.

"Shoo," she waved them away. "Go beat some ass."

Rowan hesitated for a split-second, before a command kicked in. It wasn't a function she had been made to perform often. Once or twice, she'd accompanied other drones to their clients, but she had never taken an active role, instead serving as just some more scenery, or an extra tool for the scene. She recalled that night she spent as a mobile tool-box for when Catty was brought up to discipline an adorable gay couple; it was a sweet experience, but all she had done was move and stand still, a glorified carrier case.

This—this was different.

The other drone slung the bag across its shoulder and headed for the exit; Rowan knew that she had to follow. They took side routes, off the main corridor, where the visitors would not wander; they passed another group of drones girded for a similar task, rolls of duct-tape and a large rubber bag in the hands an indication of what they were intended for, and noticed one of the techs help a wobbly-legged drone make its way to rest. One of the performers, Rowan was sure; the stresses it could put even on a conditioned and practiced body were immense. All while in the distance, the music thrummed and coiled, the baffles in Rowan's ear letting just enough sound to remind her of it was still there.

Their destination turned out to be a private booth that they were to prepare for its guest. It was one of those warm cocoons of a room meant for people intimidated by the rest of the facility. Warm lights seeped from under the gently curved roof; stripes of greenery ran the span of the wall to give it a home-like appearance. Everything was soft whites and pale ambers, concentrated on the wide bed in the back, as if to give it an appearance of being perpetually bathed in the morning glow.

And in front of the bed, there was a padded wooden horse with cuffs and straps. As the other drone opened the bag and started to sterilize the toys in the cleaning station in the back, Rowan knelt by the horse and started to carefully adjust the hidden knobs regulating its height and specific position, until a burst of joy indicated to her she had arrived at the appropriate dimensions. She stood up to get a better look at the other tools arrayed for the night.

It wasn't a wide selection, but a deliberate one. A soft leather collar and a lead; ointments to soften and prepare the skin, a metal, spider-like device to force a mouth open; a pair of small vibrators that could slide over the tip of a finger; a colourful dildo with the socket to connect to a drone's chastity belt. The other drone finished washing it, then put it down out of immediate view.

They continued on with further preparations; they double-checked if security equipment was in place, added a few stray petals to the room, just enough to give it the slightest hint of romance, and finally made sure that the refreshments were available. To Rowan's surprise, there was no booze among them, just crystal bottles of mineral water. There was an implication in that that made her feel warm under her shell; she could only wish for it to be true.

When the room was ready, Rowan knew she had to take the collar and the leash in her hands, and follow the other drone out, deep into the lesser-attended parts of the resort.

There was something swelling inside of her, building up. Not just hope, even if it saturated her with its unspoken, sweet promise, but also a different kind of feeling, whose roots ran past the parts of her that were still Rowan, one that bled over from the greater whole she had become but a part of. And she knew what that something was, just as she knew why she had to take the collar into her hands; yet, she did not want to even think it, out of some silly fear of jinxing it.

She wanted the surprise to take her in all of its sweet promise.

And so, when the two of them finally arrived at their destination, and found Helen waiting for them, sitting with her back against a steel wall, Rowan allowed herself to experience the rush of pure joy, a confirmation of everything that had been building up to this point. And now, the time came for the conclusion she had long dreamed of.

"Miss Hu?" the other drone crackled, its voice made to come soft and inviting. "Are you ready, Miss Hu?"

The woman raised her head and stared at them. Rowan met her eyes. She looked—she looked beautiful, and haunted, and scared, and shy. In the moment, she wanted to reach out to her, to give her a hug, to let her know just how happy, just how overjoyed she was to see her here, to be the one who could finally show her…

"Y-yeah," she stammered out, standing up. "Let's do this, I guess."

Focus.

Rowan didn't need the word to drown in excitement and focus. She was going to be one of the hands by which Helen would be pleased, would be made happy, she was going to—she was going to be with her. After all that time. After all those years of knowing what is possible and what is not, she would…

Leash her.

She stepped forward at once, fingers reaching towards Helen's face, her neck. She knew that her friend couldn't recognize her, and that was—and that was a part of this beauty. They were so close, but so far. They were together, but…

She touched her, and felt her tremble under the cool surface of her fingers. She brushed her dark hair away and buckled the collar around her neck, letting it fit snugly and comfortably. The other end of the leash rested around her wrist. She watched Helen, looked into her face, noticed her feeble smile, her anxiety...

Rowan's thoughts frayed, and she was glad her own face was unseen, because there were tears in her eyes, and she should not allow her to see this. Not yet. There would be time for that, afterwards, in the sweet hours of tender aftercare, if only she was going to be allowed it.

She took the lead, guiding Helen through the corridors and back to the room that had been prepared just for her. The other drone walked behind, and softly, lovingly explained.

"This will be your education," it said, "as you have asked, you will be taught: the pleasure of restraint, of pain, of serving the needs of another."

She had asked for it. Helen had asked for it. She wanted it. The words were music to Rowan; she couldn't believe her own luck.

"You will bring someone the utmost joy tonight," it continued. "And then you will be rewarded in kind. From this, you will understand."

"Right," Rowan heard Helen reply. "S-sounds good."

It did. It really did.

The room welcomed them like a warm embrace. Helen looked around nervously, eyes skipping from the bed to the horse, then to the drones tending to her.

"Please remember," the other drone said as Rowan came in closer to unlink the leash from the collar, "that the purpose of all that is done to you is to bring joy to another. Please remember that your chosen safeword is 'red'. We will understand it even if it is not intelligible when you utter it. The scene, as you have requested, will continue until you use it, or learn. Is this all right by you?"

"Yeah," Helen said with a deep breath, turning her head away. Even in the golden light, she appeared a bit pale. Rowan felt like she recognized this fear; this worry of jumping into the deep water, this moment just before a leap of faith. But she knew that there was a reward at the other end, just as there was when she first let the eidolon in. There was joy to be claimed. In the end, it would all work out.

"Please strip,"

Rowan had never seen Helen naked, and the sight was no less lovely than she had once imagined. Her friend had a strong, athletic body, muscle visible under skin; as she folded her clothes on the bed behind them, she could not stop herself from admiring the lines of flesh with all the little imperfections in them to remind her that this was not a phantasm, but Helen, in flesh and blood, hands bashfully covering her mound, whole body trembling.

Trembling?

It was excitement. It had to be. That, and the anxiety of learning. It couldn't be anything else. She wouldn't be here if it was anything else.

"You are beautiful," she said, maybe not necessarily of her own volition, but absolutely not against her will. Her voice crackled, distinct, alien, unrecognizable. "You are a joy to behold."

Helen's face was burning-red. She said nothing; she was just breathing in and out.

"Kneel," the other drone commanded.

She looked at it, face momentarily tense, then obeyed, dropping down on her knees.

"Hands behind your head."

"Why?" she asked, then reflected, folded her palms as ordered.

Rowan and the other drone knew what to do next; there was a plan to the scene, an arc to follow. Commands flowed into her ear like a rustle of a distant stream, subtly weaving into her thoughts, allowing her to finally touch the body she had yearned for so long. They knelt to her sides, hands splayed over her skin, and began to teach her the feeling of being held and handled. She went stiff under their palms; she did not move at all. Her heart beat like a hammer; Rowan could feel its frenzy as her hand circled Helen's small breast, played on the skin, felt the nipple harden under pressure. They held her close, secure, strong.

"How does it feel?" she was made to ask.

"I don't know…" Helen mumbled in response, all her muscles tense. "I don't know."

"It will feel good soon," the other drone promised. "You just have to give in."

"How?" she asked, a brittle edge to her voice. "How?"

"Resist less," it replied into her ear, its fingers—and Rowan's—curling over the flesh, digging into it, pinching, grabbing a handful. The woman did not as much as twitch, eyes staring straight forward. "Do not be afraid."

"It's not…" she started, but before she could finish, the other drone's arm swung; there was a sharp slapping noise and Helen grunted quietly as the hand grabbed the bottom it struck. She said nothing more. Rowan watched her intently, not stopping the caress, not giving up the touch; even through her shell, she could feel the woman's warmth, the throb of blood under the skin, the pulse, the breath. The breaking point had to be near; it was hard to imagine herself in Helen's position and not feel faint and sweet. The breaking point had to be near.

They lifted her up the floor and brought her over the wooden horse; she went ragdoll limp in their hands as they laid her on her stomach, limbs dangled to the side. She did not move or test the bonds when they strapped her in, tight to the padding. She let her head slump, fingers curling slowly.

It was not a look of immediate happiness. Rowan thought that…

Put on the dildo.

The eidolon's command sliced through the worm of doubt in her thoughts; she felt warmth flood her as she grabbed the prepared toy. She gingerly cupped it in her hands before Helen as the other drone delicately rubbed an ointment into her exposed back, the sound of rubber on skin a sweet music.

Rowan made a show of connecting the fake member to her shell; she had learned how to perform well, and immensely enjoyed the slow, studious movements, extending the sequence of donning a dildo in front of restrained, terrified Helen. It was such a wonderful device, linked to her somehow; as it came online, she could feel her hand over it, transmitting sensation straight into the wiring of her suit, so very personal, and yet nothing like her bio-cock. It was as if electricity was running through every inch of her nervous system, setting her entire body alight.

And yet, she kept looking in Helen's eyes the entire time and saw in them… resistance, reluctance, the final obstacles to be broken. Were those her thoughts? Was it really what she saw? An echo of sorts resounded in her mind; which thoughts were hers, which were the eidolons? Helen started at her, expectantly, resistively?

Good, the eidolon crooned into Rowan's ear and again the gloomy notions receded. This had all been carefully planned, just as her own transformation. There was no reason to be concerned. Rowan didn't want to be concerned. She had hoped for so long.

They circled Helen like well-coordinated dancers, giving her time to calm down, to accustom to her bindings, to soak in the atmosphere. They stroked her exposed back, her face, they guided her with touch; there was no need to rush.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Let's get it on with," Helen replied meekly.

She yelped quietly when the first blow came down on her ass, then took the next few without a sound and without a movement, resolutely biting on her lip. It was such a shame she did not let herself moan, did not let herself go with the impact, and had to…

"You don't have to play brave," Rowan offered, or was made to offer. "You are safe with us."

"Yeah," Helen replied, maybe not with conviction.

Pins and needles ran down Rowan's spine, but she ignored them. She did not know how much she had been yearning for a moment like this. There was an arc, and she could see the conclusion, emerging from behind the horizon. She couldn't wait for arrival, and yet each hesitant moment just stretched out this wonderful certainty. She just had to hope it would all work out. But then again, why wouldn't it? Why was doubt still there?

Gag her.

Helen was compliant and passive when Rowan forced her mouth to stay open. The metal ring fit snugly between the teeth, perfectly sized for the dildo. She stepped back to admire her handiwork, watching the spit already start to pool and drip, and thinking of how it would feel to just thrust inside. She was ready.

"Please it," the other drone commanded, sliding the tiny vibrators over its fingers and placing itself behind Helen, hand caressing the inside of her thigh. "And you will be rewarded."

Helen nodded, and then, when the drone ran its finger across the edge of her labia, shuddered. Her face contorted, eyes wide-open. She stared at Rowan with a mute challenge in her face, a dare against her and the world she represented. There was so much courage in it, so much resolve and so much disgust.

Disgust.

She felt the systems of her shell whir to high power as nausea lanced through her body. Once she tried, it was not hard to see. Helen was not enjoying any of it. Helen was bound there ready for sex, shot with fear and disgust and a suicidal desire to see it through in spite of how much it repulsed her and—
—how could she do it?

Betrayal rushed past the sensation of sickness, sinking into Rowan like swamp-water. Helen had made her hope again hope, had given her every reason to think that she had come around, and right now, she stared at her with nothing but revulsion, everything they had done for her, every little touch of care and pleasure rejected, refused, just because she was too reluctant to go with the flow, to throw herself into the depths, to let the pleasure in like Rowan did and—

Fuck her into understanding.

The command threw Rowan a step forward. She gripped Helen's chin, lifted it, lined the agape mouth with the high-tech cock and—

—and she knew this story.

How many games had she played with this plot? How many smutty stories had she read that followed this arc? The reluctant, prim woman, corrupted into enjoyment of something she was afraid of, something she was disgusted by, something she had always secretly dreamed of. All building up to the same conclusion: resistance, pain, mind-break, joy and happiness once the prison of the soul was thrown off.

Rowan had always loved this story. It reassured her to entertain the idea that there might be force in the world that would smash her open and pour into her everything she had wanted to but could not be. That dream had come true. Had come true more and better than she could have ever hoped, than she had had any right to hope for.

And now she was commanded to share it. And maybe it would work, but—

Helen looked at her, resigned. Why wasn't she safewording? Why was she insisting on getting hurt? What possessed her to go along with something that revolted her so sore?

Fuck her into understanding!

The command boomed in her head, and it was—it was just the need to throw caution to the wind. To trust the eidolon. To risk it. To make Helen take the plunge. It could work. It really could.

The other drone stood still, as if confused by the sudden hitch in the scenario. Helen glared; Rowan could barely bring herself to look at her anymore. And yet—and yet she yearned to follow the eidolon's command, to grab that face and thrust into it, to feel it around her cock, to finally experience what she had long for, to guide Helen from the dark and towards pleasure, to show that it was nothing to be afraid of, nothing disgusting, nothing terrible, just something she had not understood and could be made to—

Had it not worked for her?

There was a pressure mounting inside of her, muscle primed to spring into motion, gestured directly wired into her nerves; she shivered as her body strained to move into commanded action. It was so easy to imagine letting it happen, letting her body shatter every barrier in Helen, bring her to tears joy and—

It was never going to happen. A leap of faith was something you took, not forced.

It was funny; she had never tried to resist her conditioning before. She had no reason to. She was never asked for anything that she didn't want, on some deep, guttural level. And by the time she thought of doing it, she had already done it. All that remained was just committing to a choice.

She turned away from Helen.

There was a split second when she was afraid—afraid like she hadn't ever been before—that it wouldn't work. That the muscles wouldn't answer the command, that the body would just go along autonomously with the eidolon's desire, and she would hurt her friend deeper than she could have ever dreaded.

But instead, all she felt was a strange tear, a sense of vertigo as a well of sadness opened alongside the faultlines of her heart. Beneath the helmet, there were tears rolling down her face. It was giving up something she had held onto for so long. It was the end of a dream.

"No," she said, into the void that was the eidolon's face. The voice synthesiser in her throat crackled; the sound that came out was not words, but gibberish hiss. "It won't work."

She didn't expect that the brief moment before her words and the wave of emotion slamming into her would be filled with bittersweet pride.

A soul swept into her, one that had shared every part of her body, one that had commanded, ruled and wielded her, one that was a part of her, one that she wanted to never leave. It was the electric buzz of her shell, it was the feeling of a hand closing in, it was a voice building up to a thunderclap.

She is consenting.

She asked for it.

I can make her see.

Why do you refuse me?

Why can't it work out?


She expected anger. She expected to be seized with pain, to be punished. To have the wounds of her soul opened again in retribution for defiance. But instead, all she received were words trembling with the desperate yearning of someone who couldn't understand.

***

Rowan knelt in the corner of the room and watched Helen sit half-dazed on the edge of the bed, tired and sad. A man in Galatea livery tood over her, explaining in a worried rush that the on-site psychologist was ready to see her, that she could be provided with any sort of help, including a wide variety of appropriate medication, that they would set up her with therapy if she so required. She stared past him numbly, head hung in defeat.

No one ordered Rowan to stay where she did. In fact, the voice of the eidolon seemed entirely absent, and she was afraid, deeply terrified, that it would not return. But she had made her choice, and would have to stick with it, and that probably meant sticking with Helen. If only she could talk right now.

Now that the elation of hope had gone away, she could only wonder why she allowed herself to be fooled in the first place. But was it even a question? She knew. She really, really wanted Helen to be like her, to deep inside share the same loves, the same desires. She had dreamed about it for so long that to be offered a sliver of a chance was enough to throw any sort of caution to the wind.

But not everything could work out.

"No," Helen grunted at the man, "no I don't want any of it. Just give me—" she paused, looked around, sighed. "I need to talk with Aphrodite."

"I…" the man started, voice trailing off. He looked at Rowan, sighing heavily.

Hey.

The voice of the eidolon slithered into her ear, distant, meek, and yet she met it with joy, and, against her better reason, hope. She focused on it, trying to get her body back into feeling it like before; she didn't want it gone. It worked, somewhat. Her attention centered on the sound.

She is right. I promised to talk to her. Can you help me?

Without hesitation, Rowan nodded.

Then, one more time, let me in. Please?

Rowan stood up, and approached Helen, arms folded behind her.

"Miss Hu," she said with words and thoughts that weren't her own. "I'm here."
 
And, at the end of the day, the AI built as a BDSM fantasy doesn't have the answers, isn't doing some genius some master plan that somehow ends with everyone magically self-actualized in the happy relationship the audience wants, nor a fetish-fueled capitalist nightmare from Rowan's porn stash, not really. Aphrodite's just another broken, confused individual struggling with the same scripts as everyone else here. Well, fuck.

This is really the way it had to go, but having it be Rowan doing this to Helen just compounds everything in so many ways, and only the magic of genre ever really let us hope for something happier. Oof. Just oof.
 
Well, that did not go how I hoped it would. AIs aren't perfect and super sci-fi BDSM can't solve all your issues, who'd have thought. The moment the phrase 'fuck her into understanding' was uttered I knew it was not going to work, it's not that kind of story.

She is consenting.

She asked for it.

Why do you refuse me?
Someone teach the Eidolon/aphrodite about enthusiastic consent.

I am glad to see that drones can resist if they really want to, though...
 
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Damn, what a ride...

I thought this was incredibly beautiful actually.
If the 3 manage to talk this out, I think they'll all be better off for it in the end.
For example if Helen gets to know that Rowan rebelled against the commands, because she didn't want to hurt her.

Even if they don't get to talk this out in detail, I think they will still all learn something from this.
 
Well, that was definitely one of those ways this could fail that I didn't want to envision.

While it lines up thematically, as Shadell laid out above, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the AI messing up this badly. Even assuming it was first trained on Mircea's porn collection and never grew much beyond that, and assuming its sample set of real live human data points is hugely biased against understanding non-kinky folks, it's hard to imagine it misreading Rowan that badly after having been wired into her for so long. But I suppose it never really knew her well outside of it's own context.

In the end maybe it did bring them together in agreement, albeit only in the shared feeling that Rowan is a twisted monster for wanting this.

I hope the denouement can salvage something optimistic out of this. But right now hope is feeling untrustworthy.
 
I felt so bad for Rowan in this chapter! Honestly I felt so bad for everyone involved. Except Rabbit. They got to have a good time at least.

This turned out to be a fucking essay about what I am seeing here, I hope that is ok. So before I get into the deep stuff:
Fun to see Catty mentioned again!
If it were not happening to Helen the scenario here is honestly pretty hot.
Love seeing more of Galatea from Rowan's perspective.
Seriously wondering what that dude thought when the drone stood up and claimed it was Aphrodite. He probably has no idea who or what Helen is talking about here and most likely he's been fed all the same bullshit most Galatea employees get about drones not being individual.

Now for my ridiculously long musings. Me and my friend had a long conversation after this update, and they said it was probably stuff worth posting in the thread, so you can blame them for this.

Rowan and Helen were always kinda a couple, weren't they? Not exactly, but after reading this update I'm getting that even before all of this their lives kinda revolved around each other. Looking back on that conversation at the start right before Rowan goes into Galatea it reads like a somewhat bitter break up. Both of them wishing the other were something they they were not, both in their own way failing to properly express themselves about their frustrations with each other. Helen does her get angry and fight thing, Rowan lacks the confidence to stand up for herself. Both talking at each other wishing the other would get it, neither really talking to the other.

I've made no effort in concealing that I think Helen can be a mega bitch sometimes but I still think she's, fundamentally, a good person. But beyond that the thing that really strikes me about Helen here is the lengths she is willing to go to for Rowan. She's upending a major part of her life philosophy trying to understand Rowan, months and months after Rowan has effectively exited her life. She clearly cares deeply about Rowan, well past what you might expect for "friends". Still seems largely platonic from her side, but platonic doesn't mean shallow. Platonic partnerships are certainly a thing, they can be deep as any form of relationship. They we have Rowan who has always been very aware of her attraction to Helen. I think her own lack of confidence prevented her from thinking of Helen as an equal. She was always above her, the unattainable that she pined after. That's a horrible basis for a relationship of course but the respect and affection was always there.

Interestingly the path they both took during this story seems to have actually largely resolved both of their failures that led to the "bad breakup" at the start of the story.

Rowan learned to embrace who and what she is without seeking outside approval. A bit ironic, considering the path she took to do it. Removed from the ability to directly appeal for Helen's approval for the first time Rowan was able to really stand up and consider her needs, her opinions, and above all herself equal to Helen.

"So let me have this, okay? ... I want a better world, but I also want a better life. And, no matter how wrong that is, I'm finding it here."

"I get to have this. No matter how much I respect you, you don't get to tell me how to live my life." That was the turning point for Rowan (and for Helen). That isn't something you can say to someone you idolize.

On the other hand, without the ability to directly fight Helen was forced to step back and try to understand a point of view entirely alien to her. She took that seriously. She watched Rowan's recordings and actually listened. She developed the ability to accept Rowan and Rabbit's point of view before understand it on an emotional level. Big maturity level up for her, IMO.

Maybe I'm just an optimist, but as I see it everything is lining up really well for Rowan and Helen to repair their relationship. They both feel betrayal from what the other couldn't be for them, but now they have the emotional tools to understand why they could not be those things for each other and maybe meet somewhere in the middle. Everything sucks at this exact moment, but I see no reason why it can't turn out for the best.

Given all that context it is entirely understandable why she wants to take it one step further and really get it, and how deeply she cares for Rowan drives her to do something horrifically self destructive for Rowan's sake. As far as grand (not exactly) romantic gestures go that's pretty impressive. Stupid, but impressive. On the other side, Rowan really came through for Helen here, even though in the moment all she felt was betrayal at the hope torn away from her. Good on both of them.

As for how Rowan/Helen resolves from here I have a pretty good idea of how it could resolve. From a certain point of view Helen and Rowan already did the big thing. Helen took the leap of faith trying to understand Rowan, trusting that there was something to understand there, and Rowan came through for Helen and kept her from harming herself in the process. When they both understand what the other did for them that's gotta count for a hell of a lot. Reminds me of these lines a while back:

She flicked it over, eyes skimming over paragraphs of text about how being a D/s submissive is all about trust, the sense of safety, good communications, the ability to enjoy yourself. How it is about finding your limits and having someone help you explore it.

Weren't those all just different words for love? She closed the volume and put it back, alongside the sleek blue The New Topping Book, Revised Edition that she'd received in the mail alongside it. Why would you need leashes for that, why would you need your partner to drag you around and slap you on the face? Why would you need all the horrors that Galatea could provide?

This could be how it clicks for Helen. She went through a version of all that stuff she is talking about here, and now they are all going to sit down and talk it out. Good communication leading to trust and a sense of safety between Helen and Rowan. Helen figures it out with Rowan, for someone who has always gone through hell with their relationship to their own body and sexuality the ability to take that leap of faith and be rewarded with trust and safety is incredibly appealing. I am assuming, of course, that resolving the "Helen is not physically attracted to Rowan" thing is trivial with Galatea's medical tech, and Rowan getting a highly effective feminizing physical transition out of this was always part of the plan.

If they do end up together, I'm seeing it with Helen more as a service top than an owner. I just can't see her getting all the way to having the kind of mindset that allows a person to be a proper owner, but Helen doesn't mind service topping for Rabbit. I think she could really enjoy a lot of what bdsm is about understanding the emotional context Rowan is experiencing.

As for Aphrodite. It's just really sad. I think she was really just trying to help this whole time. Playing wing man for Rowan best way she could, trying to help Helen understand her friend. The thing is, she's very used to dealing with people who want into the world of kink but need someone to push them to take the final step. And from Aphrodite's perspective Helen was probably showing lots of the signs. I wonder if the tickets were as much a question as an invitation: "What do you want from me?", and Helen's response of selecting the medium submissive package read like "I want in but I don't know how" to a person used to dealing with that.

Given her severely limited set of relationship experiences it makes complete sense that Aphrodite draws the conclusion that fucking it into her is the way to go. After all, she's done this to hundreds of people and it always worked before. She just doesn't get the difference between them and Helen. She's probably not been been alive for any more than a decade and has only had relationship experiences with people who are like Rowan? She didn't get the benefit of a normal life, it's not hard to see how she developed such a warped perspective on sexuality outside of how it exists for her submissives. She's genuinely trying to help but lacks the experience to do so. Also, we don't really know how much information she actually had. She probably made a lot of bad assumptions. Luckily her fuck up seems to have put everyone in the right place for things to be resolved happily.

I do think things resolve happily for Aphrodite, but I honestly have no idea what that looks like for her. What does a happy ending look like for a dominatrix AI? My basis for this is purely meta, "I wish I could feel the way you do" was a hell of a Chekhov's Gun. I mean, I know how I want this all to end up. My gay poly heart just wants everyone to get with everyone.

Also, It would be sad for Rowan to have to lose her. I don't know if Rowan is special to Aphrodite or if she goes to these lengths for all her subs, but from Rowan's side losing a good owner would fucking suck. Service tops are great for what they are but it's very much not the same as having a proper owner. Even if they were to do all the same things the emotional context is completely different and Rowan strikes me as the type that needs to serve. Being served is just not the same. Also I seriously doubt Helen ever gets kinky enough to handle the heaviest play Rowan would want.

This is just an idle "what if", but it would be funny if Rabbit turned out to be, say, a former Galatea drone that was helping Aphrodite out with her plan. The coincidences really do stack up quite high with them - appearing at exactly the right time in Helen's life to call her out for her judgemental bitchery, being around to teach Helen the basics of kink and bondage, and then arranging to be kidnapped and removed from the equation right when Helen meets Rowan at Galatea, for example. Letting things play out sounds like the sort of chaos and bastardry Rabbit would be into, knowing both halves of the plan and how stupid Helen and Aphrodite are both being about the whole idea is but trusting in Rowan to do the right thing.

Anyway there's my novel of speculation and musings. Hope someone enjoys reading it.
 
In Rowan's mind, images unfolded into a narrative, and her body quivered with sweet, desperate hope.

What if it was that by watching her, by indulging in this surveillance that Galatea provided, Helen had found a new desire in her soul? What if her presence was the fruit of the time she'd spent in admiration of the images offered? Of course, it wouldn't be love at first sight: it would unfurl from a mixture of disgust and curiosity, only later uncovering the shard of genuine fascination belying them. Rowan imagined Helen's alarm reluctantly melting away, sparking curiosity, and then that curiosity blooming into a vibrant, confusing obsession...
Ooof, you've got it bad for Helen, Rowan. You so, so, so, badly want her to have understood why you're here, and be ready to be with you, even once, even without emotion, just to share that joy for one moment, just to share that understanding.

Of course, Rowan has happy fantasies of more, but that's the nature of fantasies and love.
Trembling?

It was excitement. It had to be. That, and the anxiety of learning. It couldn't be anything else. She wouldn't be here if it was anything else.
And there's the willful and willing blindness that love brings. But Rowan is too honest with herself for it to last long...
She is consenting.

She asked for it.

I can make her see.

Why do you refuse me?

Why can't it work out?


She expected anger. She expected to be seized with pain, to be punished. To have the wounds of her soul opened again in retribution for defiance. But instead, all she received were words trembling with the desperate yearning of someone who couldn't understand.
Poor BDSM AI literally doesn't understand why it isn't working. Good thing Rowan does, and that the AI is smart enough to listen. It really does want to learn and understand. Happily, it's core programming to make it's users happy gets a higher priority than to just carry out the BDSM script. I suppose reading the scene is a key part of its function.

And at last we have Helen, Rowan, and Aphrodite in one room (so to speak). The next conversation is going to be quite heavy, especially if/when the eidolon allows Rowan to be revealed as the drone in the room, and the reason the scene was cut off at that point.
 
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I think I was taking the last chapter too harshly, so I re-read it with a little more emotional distance. While still not a comfortable thing to read, it was nowhere near as horrid as I remembered. At least some of the themes I was seeing were less awful after reviewing some key facts. Rowan was never directly used as a top before (so there's less need for her to worry about who else she might have hurt while not thinking, and maybe more room to trust enough to heal somewhat). And Helen didn't choose the specifics of the scene just limits (so that fancy dildo was not some sort of self sabotage or projection of masculinity onto Rowan or drones or tops in general (at least not on her part)).

It seems like Rowan stayed more coherent and collected through this than I did. I admire the conditioning and suit that helped her do so, but I wonder if I'm giving them too much credit. For all that she's the woobie of the story, Rowan is a genuinely impressive person when she needs to be. So, I suppose that's the "affirming her agency and showing that when needed she can be the supportive one in a relationship even as unbalanced as the one with the AI" theme I was looking for being wrapped up...

Given all the other things she's failing to get, I can't imagine Helen will ever really understand what Rowan just gave up for her. Which is a shame because, when an angel falls from grace because you gave her a dirty look, that's the kind of thing you ought to realize.

Though statistical methods may be a taboo topic here, I've got to think: this seems like it was all avoidable with proper attention to selection and sampling biases. Just throwing a bunch of big data at a GAN and seeing what sticks can be fun and profitable, but without fully understanding and controlling for your biases you wind up with your neural network learning more about the data's biases than the world at large. I suppose the thematic elements of this work just as well with more qualitative explanations around propagating patriarchal ideas, but given the character involved I prefer my way of putting it.

I'll be looking forward to seeing what happens in the next conversation. It's still hard to envision how any of this could work out at all well, even in terms of not damaging their friendship too badly, without resorting to the kind of wishful thinking this seems to be subverting, but what the hell do I know.
 
It's still hard to envision how any of this could work out at all well, even in terms of not damaging their friendship too badly, without resorting to the kind of wishful thinking this seems to be subverting, but what the hell do I know.

I think you might be a bit too pessimistic here. All depends on how they all process the information and how they choose to proceed. I honestly don't see why Helen would hold this against Rowan. She knew it was a bad idea in the first place, she knows she was driven by guilt to do it. For all her failings Helen is pretty good at relationship recovery and she takes responsibility for her own actions. Rowan is feeling shitty right now, and she was mad at Helen. I think she is going to really respect what Helen was trying to do here.

I just don't see why it is in any way unrealistic for this to work out positively. I mean in the end what really happened here was a major botching of consent principles, especially from Helen (Don't request/agree to play you know is going to be self destructive. That is a huge consent violation on her part.) Everyone here is well meaning and seeking understanding, I've seen relationships recover from far worse IRL. It's not unrealistic for things to work out here.
 
So, a small update here: I originally intended to have the next chapter edited and updated and posted, like, yesterday. "It's just a few people sitting in a room and talking about their feelings," I thought to myself, "how hard can it be to write."



And now I will be moving tomorrow. So the finale may have to wait a few more days.

I apologise. This wasn't planned.
 
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It's totally ok! Life happens, and you have delivered a fantastic story to us. Take the time you need for yourself please :). Thank you for the update though, that is really nice of you
 
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