Lancer Fire
Well, we're doomed. Soda?
- Location
- The Kiln of Heroes
Chapter 2 has been threadmarked.
A Dragonslayer Decides to be a Teacher?! (Dark Souls/Mahou Sensei Negima)
- Thread starter Lancer Fire
- Start date
-
- Tags
- dark souls negima crossover
Not in Person
Once Known as The Nobody
- Location
- A place
In that case, I'm patiently waiting for Chapter 3.
Because without it I can't comment on those drafts of Chapter 4 in the other thread.
Because without it I can't comment on those drafts of Chapter 4 in the other thread.
- Location
- a place
I think that's the point considering the nature of Dark Souls demons. Since he views them as a threats to his student shouldn't he not take the chance of allowing them to harm his student' now rather than later were a life of a student might be lost.
I've already unwatched, but I guess I could repeat myself:
Ornsteins reaction was never in question, what I was blowing up about was that he was in a position to have it in the first place!
If you look at the real world you will notice that whenever kids are involved, people get very easily agitated. In setting, Negi was harmless, as well as competent in the actual teaching department, although the lack of respect considering his age hurt his efforts. Ornstein on the other hand, is no way near competent at his task, of uncertain mental stability and from a medieval society. Getting your student to be active during PE is not enough, especially since he is using outdated military tactics to achieve that. These are teenagers in a modern society, not soldiers.
There is also the fact that Ornstein was apparently put into his position without any real understanding about the world he was supposed to be a part of, nor did they have a good understanding of the world he came from. Why was he put around kids?! If you try to tell me that Mahora was the best place for an unknown element that has proven to be willing to resort to violence... Then I really hope you are never put in a position capable of making decisions.
Vox De Harlequin
Consequences are for other people
- Location
- Hyalean Theoric World
For the first part, I'm really not seeing any evidence that he is in any way incompetent at his job.
Strict? Yes, maybe some would argue too strict.
Honestly so far he seems like a better P.E teacher than any I've ever had.
As for the supposed mental instabillity, at this point he's been working there for 22 years by now, if such instabillity was present to dangerous degree, it would have come up by now.
Note that this is a man who's only prior experience with demons has been with them trying to murder him and and anyone near them, and in the world he's from are the direct result of one of the most heretial actions that can be undertaken in Dark Souls.
The fact that he hasn't slaughtered them yet, and is taking them to the headmaster, is a testament to his self control.
Regarding his lack of knowledge of the world he's found himself in... these are the people who sent a child, no matter how competent, to work as a teacher in a prestigious school where one of the most powerful evil magic users was bound by his father.
They probably assumed everything he didn't directly mention to be the same as in their world.
He was treating them as soldiers and forcing them to stand at attention... I'm not sure what school you went to but the students would have ignored him instantly when I was a teenager and complained to high heaven.
"Of uncertain mental stability." It means they don't know how stable he is as he just LOST HIS ENTIRE WORLD. His first reaction to finding himself on another world was to fight, without even listening to the reason they where trying to stop him. He argued for the execution of Evangeline because she was not human, and is now constantly reminding her on how she's powerless. While arguably Evangeline is evil, and might therefore deserve it, from what I remember the majority of Eva's crimes was literally self-defence from when people was trying to murder her. She also wasn't particularly active by the time of her imprisonment so Ornstein shouldn't even know all that much about her.
Ornsteins reaction to Eva SHOULD have led to an investigation of the differences between their worlds, as it's kinda important. The way Demons work in Dark Souls are irrelevant since in Negima they are just another magical species created by the Mage of the Beginning, something I'd expect would have come up while they tried to figure out the differences. How the hell could Ornstein even sense them?? Are they made from the Chaos Flame in Negima as well? Does that mean that Humans are from the Dark? He did comment on their souls when he first arrived.
Again, Negi was mostly harmless at the time he became a teacher, and a Known element since they could literally just ask his teachers about his characters. Ornstein on the other hand came from a completely different world, was speaking down to them for being "Mortal", was willing to engage in combat without questions and was quite obviously from a MEDIEVAL society. Even if they had assumed it was similar to ours from that time period, that's NOT a good thing. We kinda had the whole kill anything different back then.
The Dragon Witch
Vengeful Witch
Hey I don't think I seen a request but is can we get a picture of Ornsrein without his armor?
- Location
- USA
A couple of points I would like to make:
1) If you have already unwatched this story STOP posting in it.
2) This is a school in Japan and as such they have totally different ways then the US. In Japan it is in incredibly rude to talk back or ignore a teacher.
3) This is fan fiction of fictional stories and as such if the author wants to hand wave a problem aside so he/she can deal with it later that is their choice.
4) Stop trying to ruin this story for everyone else. It's just rude.
Finally
I really enjoy this story and how the author wrote it. Keep up the good work. Cannot wait for more.
Last edited:
I replied because I was notified that I was quoted.
Vox De Harlequin
Consequences are for other people
- Location
- Hyalean Theoric World
Oh the P.E. teacher tried to organise his students in a vaguely millitary manner, how fuckin' terrible.
Firstly, regarding the whole taunting Evangeline thing, I'm really not sure why you're taking that as gospel, seeing as it was Eva herself that mentioned it, and the concept of an unreliably narrator is a thing.
Also, him appealing for her to be executed instead of bound is highly unlikely to have been a unique opinion.
Secondly, I'm really not sure why the hell you're even arguing that hiring a 9 year old as a teacher is in any way a reasonable thing.
As for the rest, well yeah, they probably should have investigated the differences between their worlds, the problem is that you don't seem to have quite thought through how difficult that would actually be.
A big problem with the undertaking would be that both world are at once quite similar, and very different, which means that anything that's not explicitly mentioned and explained, both parties are going to assume it's the same.
I could maybe writemore but I lterally woke up, like, half an hour ago, so I'm still nowhere near fully functional.
The military thing really is, since one of the key focuses in military training is to essentially break you down and then build you up.
I can concede the point of Evangeline.
It was never a question of reasonable, it was more a question of Safety. Negi had people who actually knew where he came from, general personality and values. Mahora could have a pretty accurate view on how safe it would be to let him teach. A nine year old kid isn't a good fit for a teacher, but apparently Magic told them he was a great choice.
What you keep missing is this: Kids. You couldn't find out about their world? Fine. Put him somewhere safe where he can't actually break anything. Don't put him around Kids! The situation is fucked up already, since Setsuna is unlikely to take Ornsteins reaction well considering her opinion on her heritage in canon. So we have a very likely to be traumatized kid, simply because there apparently was no need to do a proper investigation on Ornstein, take his words seriously or even just to put him somewhere he was able to do less damage. He did go to the Dean first after all, and apparently had his concerns dismissed and still went and did this because he assumed the Dean was saying he wasn't taking him seriously, instead of "We know, there's no danger.". So apparently the Dean did not have ANY idea on Ornsteins personality after over twenty years, as he then proceeded to ignore the event instead of explaining himself.
Not in Person
Once Known as The Nobody
- Location
- A place
Can I put you in Ignore, then? I'd rather read the story about a class of kids, half of whom are way tougher than an average IRL adult, rather than complains about them being threatened by a strict PE teacher.
... Why would you need to ask? Ignore is pretty much intended to avoid conversations you don't want to read.
As for the people who still write to me, do so in PM... A large part of the reason I'm so annoyed is that I keep expecting one of the fics I actually watch to have updated and only get arguments that completely ignore the actual issue I was having.
Not in Person
Once Known as The Nobody
- Location
- A place
Mainly, I wanted you to know that your argument doesn't add anything to the story. If 3-A of Mahora were real children - yeah, that's a valid concern. But since they are fictional, and rather badass (even the more "mundane" ones)...
Sorry for distraction, I won't quote you again in this thread.
Ch: 3: A Revelation about Demons?!
Lancer Fire
Well, we're doomed. Soda?
- Location
- The Kiln of Heroes
Ch:3: A Revelation about Demons?!
As Ornstein rushed to the Dean's office, he began to think about the odd differences and reactions of the three demons back in the office. Why did Tatsumiya or Sakurazaki need parchments on them if their inner flames could have easily sufficed? Or how Sakurazaki agreed to limit her interaction with Konoe-san even further? Things just didn't add up, and he didn't like it when he thought about it. Eventually he came to a thought: Am I mistaken? Could they just be children with magical upbringings? He thought back to the day he glimpsed their souls. Fiery, orange souls that nipped at the core like hellfire itself. There was no doubt left after that thought: they were demons, half-breed or otherwise. And a demon could never change.
--The Teacher's Office--
"Ngh! Come on!" Setsuna growled as she threw another punch against the barrier. Nothing but a set of bruised knuckles.
["You are only hurting yourself Sakurazaki-san. Just be patient and this will be sorted out."]
"I can't wait until then! You heard Ornstein-sensei, he's going after Ojou-sama! I have to protect her!"
"You won't do anything but hurt yourself Sakurazaki-san," Mana said, "These barriers are something else. They're basic restraints but their power comes from that simplicity. And since Ornstein-san said it, I guess we can say these are specially made for holding demons." Mana smirked a little, "Seems our gym teacher is more than meets the eye."
Zazie nodded.
["It would seem that way. He seems quite opinionated about demonkind as well. Do you believe this is not the first time he has encountered them?"]
--The Dean's Office--
"Of course I have faced demons before!" Ornstein proclaimed. The Dragonslayer was at his limit. He'd reached the Dean's office, he'd managed to get an audience with him, and now he was acting like this was some practical joke! How could this be the same man who'd snapped the Dragonslayer's arm 22 years ago, and still act like the same fool from back then?! "Why in all of Izalith would you question that?!"
The dean kept quiet for a moment, cleaned out his ear with a finger, and flicked off some wax.
"First, because as well-intentioned as you are Ornstein, you have a tendency to leap before looking. And second, because I think this is all a mere misunderstanding."
Ornstein's grip on the desk tightened. "Misunderstanding? Is that what you call allowing three demons and that monster Evangeline to share the same class as you own granddaughter? Because I would very much like to hear how your idiocy could allow such a colossal risk to Konoe-san's safety, to say nothing of 2-A entirely." He asked coldly.
The dean's eyebrows lifted, revealing a gaze colder than a blizzard and sharper than a falcon's.
"My granddaughter's safety is paramount to me, Ornstein. Evangeline is wise enough not to go near her without my knowledge, and I personally assigned Sakurazaki as her bodyguard since she was a child. And before you go off again, I knew of her half-demon status well before you did."
Ornstein was dumbstruck. "Are you saying, that you made your granddaughter, a wellspring of magical power, the charge of a demonic offspring, and did this willingly?!" He shouted, "Are you reckless or just that stupid? You're offering a veritable feast to that half-demon Setsuna!"
"And what reason has Sakurazaki given for you not to trust her, besides her demonic heritage Ornstein?"
Ornstein tried to form a retort, but he was at a loss. All the evidence pointed in Sakurazaki's favor: she kept a distance from Konoka, she'd shown no signs of feasting, subtle or otherwise, and she had only shown a hostile intent after mentioning he'd take care of Konoe-san. Could it be she was being protective like he had been with Gwynevere?
"There was a good reason I entrusted Sakurazaki-san to protecting my granddaughter. And I am certain your actions had good intentions Ornstein. But you acted without proper knowledge."
"Meaning what Konoemon?" Ornstein said with a suspicious eyebrow raised.
"Meaning that our demons, from the scarce details you've provided, are vastly different from those of your realm." The dean rose from his chair and motioned for Ornstein to follow, "Come. I think this time together will shed some light on both our worlds. Plus I can get a proper tan for once! Ohohohoho!"
Ornstein muttered a litany of curses as he followed behind the dean.
--The Teacher's Office--
"It's no use Sakurazaki, you're only wasting your strength." Mana said as Setsuna tried to punch through the barrier again. Her knuckles were bloody on her right hand. She didn't bother to reply, and wound up for another punch at the orb. Zazie just sat seiza style watching Setsuna throw her body against the cage.
["You know Sakurazaki-san, I don't believe Ornstein-san has any intention to harm Konoe-san or the others."]
"Weren't you listening to him? His target is Ojou-sama! Why separate her from my sight but to go after her?"
["From his choice of words I'd have assumed he thought you were the threat to Konoe-san's safety, not the other way around."]
Setsuna did a double take.
"B-But that's ridiculous!"
"Really? 'Cause to me you sounded pretty creepy Sakurazaki." Mana added, "and that's to say nothing about how he knew our nature as demons."
["Half-demons technically. I am the only full-blooded demon here."] Zazie corrected.
"Indeed. Though that does nothing to change your origins, demons." A familiar voice said as two figures entered.
"Ornstein!" Setsuna snarled.
"Dean Konoemon." Mana said nodding in respect. Zazie just nodded at both of them. Ornstein ignored them while the dean took over.
"My my my, this is quite an amusing event, isn't it?" Konoemon chuckled as he began a silent incantation. He swiped his hand across the barriers and the spheres dispersed, dropping the three girls on their butts. Mana and Zazie thanked the dean but Setsuna kept her sights on Ornstein. He looked at her and scoffed.
"Why you…" She said reaching for Yuunagi.
"Sakurazaki that's enough!" The dean's voice thundered in the office. Setsuna did as ordered and held the scabbard Yuunagi was in, though she kept her eyes on Ornstein.
"There was a lack of information exchanged about the way demons operate here in contrast to those of your gym teacher's home. That issue has been rectified, right Ornstein?"
The gym teacher simply nodded.
"See? And he apologizes for causing you any discomfort."
"I do not."
The dean looked at Ornstein. "Pardon?"
"I will admit I made an error in judgement, and I apologize for my error. But I will not apologize for what I believed was the correct course of action. You three should be grateful I didn't decide presenting your souls was a better way of providing proof. And you can threaten me all you like Konoemon, but I stand by my views. They are still dangerous, and I will watch them."
Ornstein looked at the three students, and read their various expressions. Sakurazaki looked ready and willing to fight at the drop of a hat, her eyes furrowed, her stance low and tense, everything he could read showed she was trained to fight. And given the soul she had at her core, he almost wanted her to prove him right and strike first. Tatsumiya was an odd one. She had the eyes of a killer, but her stance was relaxed and calm. Either she didn't think this was a dangerous situation, or she was that confident in her abilities. Zazie however, was the strangest of them all. Her stance was neutral, and her expression blank. And then she smiled at him. It was so out of left field it actually surprised Ornstein to see such an innocent look on the demon's face.
"Well, I think we've all had a full day today, wouldn't we agree?" the dean asked, "why don't we let these girls leave and we can talk some more in private, eh Ornstein?" he said.
Ornstein just stared at the girls, and let out a short breath.
"Very well. But know this. I don't care if you are different or not. I still sense the Chaos Flame within all of you. If you give me even one reason to doubt you won't harm the rest of the class, I will see to your ends, personally. Understood, Konoemon?"
"...I see. That's how the cookie crumbles, I suppose." He muttered, "Well best not dawdle girls, off you go, skedaddle."
Zazie bowed before Ornstein and cartwheeled her way through the door. Mana just gave a bow of her head and left. Setsuna stayed, trying to gauge Ornstein. But when he gave a full stare at her, she felt frozen in place. It was a stare she'd only seen in the most bloodthirsty of demon exorcists, and to see such a being like Ornstein have it, ripped the metaphorical carpet from under her.
"Leave." He said. She stepped out, and ran back to Ojou-sama, all while in a cold sweat. Ornstein watched the door close behind her and huffed.
"You know that wasn't necessary." The dean said, readjusting a few loosened furniture pieces.
"She was stubborn and I didn't like her being around any more than I could tolerate. I just gave her a push."
The dean simply sighed, concluding that it was pointless to try. Ornstein was a man, or god rather, set in his ways. He could bend, but not break. Not easily, anyway.
"You know, there was something you said that caught my interest."
Ornstein looked at the dean as he put a pencil case back on a desk. "And what would that be?"
"You said you saw the 'Chaos Flame' in those girls. I've lived a long time, and I've never heard you mention such a thing. Care to explain it?"
"Tch. No. You're better off ignorant." Ornstein said as he forcibly shut the door behind him. He sighed. He needed time to himself.
"Ah, small pleasures are the most treasured indeed." Ornstein said sinking into the pool. He still missed the bathhouses of Anor Londo, but for the time being, these would suffice. He was just beginning to enjoy how the waters soothed his old scars when he heard footsteps approaching.
"Ah ha, Ornstein-san, I wasn't expecting to see you here." Ornstein groaned.
"Spare me your lies Takahata. I know you and your coworkers avoid me wherever possible. And I recall explaining why I enjoyed the solitude."
"I know, I know," Takamichi said entering the pool, "But I think this was worth leaping into the lion's den." Ornstein just huffed at the man's joke. "Look, this concerns your actions towards 2-A's students—"
"You mean my wholly justified yet stupendously uninformed mistake regarding why that class had THREE demons in it?" Ornstein said. Takamichi's glasses misted over, hiding his eyes.
"...They weren't justified, Ornstein. You had no right to accuse those girls of intending harm to anyone. You acted brashly, I hate to be honest, and if you HAD tried to hurt them instead of present your case to the dean, well...you and I know you'd never make it."
Ornstein looked at Takamichi, gripped his palms until his knuckles turned white, and let out a deep breath, never once breaking eye contact with the teacher.
"Before I explain myself to you Takahata, I ask you dwell on this: why do you think I was more concerned with Tatsumiya, Sakurazaki, or Rainyday when you explicitly told me that one little girl, Evangeline Athanasia Katherine McDowell, is the most powerful mage in your kind's history until Springfield's father appeared?" Takamichi thought for a while.
"I suppose you thought Eva-chan wasn't as much a threat as those three?"
"Wrong. Evangeline is the most dangerous and powerful human I have met in a long time, and by a wide margin at that. I know when I'm outclassed. I went after those girls, because I thought they were a more immediate threat to the others."
Takamichi raised an eyebrow, curious.
"So you've grown attached to them, hm?"
"Don't mistake my concerns for care, Takahata. I simply didn't want to risk earning the dean's ire if I allowed what I'd thought was a succubus to control his granddaughter." Takamichi chuckled. "And what pray tell is so amusing to thee, Takahata?"
"Well, I've actually met some demons before, and they found the idea of a succubus quite funny."
"How comforting to know the company you keep." Ornstein growled, forcing down his temper.
"...You are forgiven, you know."
"What?"
"I said no one hates you for what you did. Sure, some were angry, but from the way Konoemon described it, you honestly thought you were doing the right thing. You just didn't know the full picture. I suppose we should've told you sooner, but we all agreed you wouldn't have listened or at least believe us."
Ornstein mulled over Takamichi's words, deflating slightly as the accuracy of the staff's thinking sunk in.
"You are not wrong about that, I suppose." For a time the two sat in silence when Ornstein finally spoke up. "I have a proposition then, Takahata."
"Hm?"
"You know the secrets and magics of this world. And I know Miracles exclusive to mine. Teach me your secrets, and I will teach you some of mine."
Takamichi blinked before smiling. "I happily accept Ornstein, but I'm not sure you can help me. I can't cast spells you know." Ornstein waved a hand dismissively.
"Whether or not you can perform spells is unnecessary Takahata. If Miracles are what you learn, you need only two things to start learning." Ornstein stretched out his hand, his Leo Ring glowing in the fog. "A talisman to channel it, and a soul strong enough to believe you can do anything."
Light flashed forth, blinding Takamichi. When his vision returned, he looked at Ornstein's hand, stunned. Clutched in the god's hand was a spear of lightning. Not a construct of electricity, nor a version of Sagitta Magica, but genuine lightning, brimming with energy and shooting arcs around Ornstein's hand. Ornstein smiled. "If you have those, even a mortal can harness our powers." He said dismissing the spear. "Well Takahata. What dost thou say?"
Takamichi laid back. "Well, that depends. Where would you like to begin?"
"With what caused this very meeting: tell me about your world's demons. In detail."
So Takamichi told him. He talked of the demi-humans of Hellas, he talked of the demons he called friends, he even talked about Zazie and her heritage. Ornstein was amused at the idea of demons possessing a monarchy.
"That's everything I can tell you. Now it's my turn to ask you something. Why do you hate demons so much?"
Ornstein turned thoughtful. He looked to the side with a painful look in his eyes.
"Tell me Takamichi. Do the words 'Lost Izalith' mean anything to you?"
"I can't say that they do."
"Then you have no idea how blessed you are. To me, to my kind, demons are more than just spirits who wish harm on humans. They are a blasphemous perversion of life itself."
"Quite the harsh words Ornstein."
"Deserved words. Izalith belonged to the titular Witch of Izalith and her daughters. They, and their son, were the rulers of the city. They, alongside my Lord, Gwyn, and the Gravelord Nito, were the three powers of Lordran, as their souls reflected their realms of influence. Nito embodied death and ruled over his kind from the dark Catacombs. My Lord Gwyn, blessed he be, embodied Light and the sun was his symbol. All those touched by its rays knew my lord watched over them. And then, there was the Witch. Her soul was the embodiment of Life. She and her daughters invented one of the three magics of my realm: Pyromancy. Truly those were the greatest days of Izalith. But, every fire fades without something to keep it burning. Over time, we realized the First Flame, the source of our Lords' powers, was fading. We feared the worst. We knew one day the flames would fade, and only Dark would remain. The Witch, believing she could replicate the First Flame, tried to do so. On that day, the witch, her daughters and son, and all of Izalith, were lost to the Chaos Flame. The witch was consumed by her own experiment, and two of her daughters became orbs from which she drew power. The other sisters were lost to the flame, sacrificed, or corrupted into hideous monsters. But that was not the worst. That was for the rest of Izalith. In a flash, the entire city's residents were engulfed by Chaos. That day, the world saw its first demons. I faced them only once, but that was enough. It was against the Chaos Witch Quelaag, one of the Chaos' sisters. I had heard news the leader of the Chaos covenant was hiding away beyond Blighttown. I decided to end their existence, only to face the covenant's champion."
"Quelaag, you said."
"Aye. Picture a maiden of the palest skin and raven hair past her chest, now attach a spider to the lower torso who spews lava from its mouth. That is what became of her. I was faster but she fought so ferociously I had no choice but to flee, ashamed." He pointed to a scar on his right shoulder. "I still carry the scars of that day. No cleric could erase the wound. That is the power of Chaos, Takamichi; to even wound the gods is a dangerous feat."
"So it seems."
Ornstein paused for a second, then resumed.
"The truth, Takamichi, is I do not hate demons. I fear them. They are in many ways the opposite of the gods. And no matter how fiercely we fought, Anor Londo could do no more than repel them for a time. Even then, they came to call our capital home, eventually." Ornstein's grip tightened. "That is why I hold such enmity towards demons and their ilk, Takamichi."
"Ornstein...I truly am sorry for what happened."
"Don't apologize mortal. The Witch's demise was her own making. In the end, nobody could stop the Flame from dying. Lord Gwyn could only offer himself as fuel to keep the flame burning a little longer. That act alone carved meaning to our meaningless existence."
"...I suppose you're right. All we can do is give meaning to a meaningless world."
The two warriors spent the rest of the bath in silence, barring the barest of conversations. When the time came for both to depart, Takamichi said, "Your lord must have been an incredible person Ornstein. I would've liked to meet him in his heyday."
"...Everyone would, Takamichi. Few ever did."
Last edited:
FarmerKyle
Reaping what I Sow
- Location
- Out in the Fields
Very nice! I thought all that went well, and it was believeable. I figured it would go down someway like this.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
So, he learned shundou, but 22 years later is only when he's learning magic?
And, Eva compliments him years ago in her head against NAGI, but years later he calls himself outclassed against Eva?
Sounds a bit contrived.
And, Eva compliments him years ago in her head against NAGI, but years later he calls himself outclassed against Eva?
Sounds a bit contrived.
- Location
- PR
I always thought this was world wide. Consider my eyes open now!
Vox De Harlequin
Consequences are for other people
- Location
- Hyalean Theoric World
The earlier discussion aside, I'm really not sure how I feel about the fact people's souls are in any way recognisable to Ornstein here.
I mean, what, honestly rather little, I know of Dark Souls lore specifies that human souls are as much the result of a specific event as demons' ones are, so it really doesn't make sense that the humans' souls in this world would be the same as in the Souls world.
I understand that this makes things much easier on the author, but I would at least like a reasonably explanation for why these things are the way they are.
I mean, what, honestly rather little, I know of Dark Souls lore specifies that human souls are as much the result of a specific event as demons' ones are, so it really doesn't make sense that the humans' souls in this world would be the same as in the Souls world.
I understand that this makes things much easier on the author, but I would at least like a reasonably explanation for why these things are the way they are.
DezoPenguin
Text Wall
- Location
- USA
I find it intriguing that, despite the demons of Izalith having spawned from a single, defining event, that Ornstein can still sense the touch of the Chaos Flame in the demon-souls of the Mahora-verse natives. That implies some interesting commonality, whether because some AU Izalith lies in the distant past of Negima! or because demons in all worlds actually touch upon some greater source of Chaos (implying that when the Witch of Izalith attempted to duplicate the First Flame, she did not so much create the Chaos Flame as she tapped into that greater source to fuel it (which would also explain a lot about why Eleum Loyce is the way it is in Dark Souls 2, while Izalith was not particularly aggressive in DS1 or DS3, though that's well outside the scope of this story).
More important takeaway from this chapter: Quelaag actually beat Ornstein in a straight-up fight? Wow, Best Waifu had herself a really good day!
More important takeaway from this chapter: Quelaag actually beat Ornstein in a straight-up fight? Wow, Best Waifu had herself a really good day!
It is very contrived.
The timeskip is just godawful. He's in Japan, how the fuck has he not met any Youkai? If he didn't leave Mahora for 22 years then... The sheer level of "What" would bury this story on it's own. Him not learning about magic or anything of this world just through osmosis and over-hearing conversations.
There are so many fucking holes the size of the moon in that timeskip that this entire story is more of a laugh than anything. And not even a good laugh.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Unfortunately yes. Sad. The beginning wasn't half-bad.
Lancer Fire
Well, we're doomed. Soda?
- Location
- The Kiln of Heroes
Thank you for your criticism. I'll work to improve as I continue. Hopefully by the end this will be something better than what's come so far.
Potato
Randomly exploding
- Location
- Singapore
At least the problems aren't glaringly obvious. I didn't notice all the plot holes until you mentioned it. It does have that going for it.
Or maybe I'm just oblivious. Probably this one.
Not in Person
Once Known as The Nobody
- Location
- A place
Maybe he did meet them, but their souls show as "mortals"? And Setsuna's Chaos Flame is actually what made her albino?
But yes, knowing enough about supernatural stuff to learn shundo, but not bothering to learn (more) magic - that's slacking off. Another nitpick I have, but that's mostly my preference: Zazie has too many words. I can accept her speech being rendered as speech when she's talking with Ayaka or Satsuki, because those two can understand her that well. But the other girls... I'd much prefer if she talked in body language, and the others picked up on her meaning to different degrees.