[X] Take Elfangor's side, and try to negotiate some other payment. Buffy will try to broker a deal where Elfangor pays both you and Wolfram and Hart with more conventional stuff, or some kind of other favor trading happens that isn't so radioactive.
Elfangor's words hit her hard, and she felt a little dirty. And Lilah had laid it out plain: this wasn't favor trading; just taking advantage, pure and simple.
"Maybe I can, But I won't," she said. "We'll do something else."
Lilah gave her a sad, put-upon look, almost as if she was disappointed she couldn't hang out after school. "I can understand that money might seem to be an attractive substitute to you, but if that's the issue then-"
KILL
"No," Buffy stopped the spiel before it could start. She'd known she was recruiting a scorpion, but the sheer small-mindedness of it all irked her. It should make sense in terms even people like them could understand. "You do realize what this whole thing is about right? I'm preventing an interdimensional incident. Building ties. Do you think bullying is going to help with that?"
"Getting stronger is." Lilah said. "I think you're just having scruples."
"Kindness doesn't make you weak." Loren said it with conviction Buffy didn't expect from her. "It lets you be strong."
"Says the woman who's spent half her life in prison because she had no power," Lilah snarked.
"Drop it." Buffy twisted the hammer in her hands and the sharp spike on the haft made a creaking noise, digging into the floor a little.
Lilah made an admirable effort at not being startled by its sudden appearance. "Whatever you say. But even so, Wolfram and Hart can't work for free."
"That was never my intention." Elfangor was speaking mostly to Lilah, but seemed to be focusing more on Buffy. There was another indecipherably Andalite look on the face of his human morph. He turned more fully to Lilah to continue. "As I've said, my own resources are considerable."
"I'm aware of that," Lilah said. "But even with morphing off the table, we at Wolfram and Hart are still more interested in your less conventional resources. Like for example, your political clout. How much do you know about the Lilac Ferand-Dafil proposal?" She withdrew another bundle of papers from her briefcase.
"I concern myself little with politics," he said, looking more surprised than anything. "Such matters are best left to the Electorate."
"Your own voice has as much influence as any five of your electors combined," Lilah said. "Especially considering your recent victories at the Olympic games. Your public declaration to the Andalite people in support of Lilac Ferand-Dafil would be very valuable to Wolfram and Hart."
"It seems fair in principle," Elfangor said hesitantly. "I would ask for a short period to do a modicum of research though, these matters of law tend to be rather complex."
"Of course," Lilah said. "But we would like you, or more likely, your other self, to make a statement within the next couple days."
"All you want is his endorsement for some weird law?" It seemed like a massive step down in price, and Buffy was suspicious.
"We would also like a small favor from your people, if this was the agreed upon settlement," Lilah said. "More of a matter of mutual interest, really."
"I'm sure," Buffy said sarcastically.
"No, really!" Lilah said. "I would've brought this up anyway. Look at these." She laid a selection of dossiers in front of Buffy.
Each one seemed to have the name of a company at the top, though not all of them were ones she recognized. She remembered Wave Marketing though; that was one of the main competitors with her dad's advertising firm.
"Wolfram and Hart knows for certain each of these corporations is guilty of very serious crimes," Lilah continued. "Ritual sacrifice, third-world terrorism, human experimentation, the whole lot. But we can't prove it in a court of law, not even if we stack the deck. We believe you could."
"You want us to hack in?" Buffy said. "And then let me guess, we hand you the blackmail."
"Nope!" Lilah shook her head. "We know it'd be difficult for you to trust we wouldn't misuse the information. We just want you to submit everything you find to the relevant civil authorities. Anonymously or not, we don't care about that either way. This is really something that's in our mutual interest, we aren't just looking for you to dig up blackmail for us to use!"
"The difference is irrelevant," CyberWillow jumped into the conversation.
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.
"That Wolfram and Hart enjoys a cease fire with the Sunnydale civil government is already well known in the LA supernatural community," CyberWillow continued. "It is likely that they have already threatened to set our organization upon several targets. Those that they present us with now would be the ones who did not accede to their extortion attempts."
Buffy narrowed her eyes at Lilah.
"I admit that they are our rivals, we wouldn't be doing this otherwise. But your AI is being paranoid. Do you really believe we'd take your name in vain like that?" Lilah smirked, as if she'd made a private little joke.
"Yes." Buffy said.
"Well, I still maintain we didn't, but even if you think we did," Lilah shrugged. "They're still definitely evil, and if you don't do anything about them, more innocent people will die."
"CyberWillow, thank you for warning me about the thing, but you and Willow could hack these guys and get everything if we wanted to right?" Buffy asked.
"Of course. Like taking RAM flavored candy from a baby," she delivered the joke in her usual dry cadence.
Buffy rubbed her forehead, then looked back at Lilah. "So this is your deal now? He gives a speech and we throw these guys to the FBI or whatever, and then you handle all the legal stuff with Loren and her kid?"
"I've got a contract already prepared," Lilah said. "Of course, Elfangor would still have to compensate you directly, especially because of the extra work you're having to put in now. We could easily suggest market rates for that, as part of our service."
Elfangor seemed like he didn't know anything about this law proposal yet, and Buffy was concerned about the precedent the hacking would set. Still, it didn't sound like an awful deal, on the surface.
"We could use some time to think this over," Buffy said.
"I agree," Elfangor said, then looked to Loren again. "Though-"
"You shouldn't rush into anything," Loren said. "Even if I would really like to get out of here."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Elfangor ended up cracking the metaphorical books in the visiting room itself: apparently he had some kind of connection with his other half that he could use to do research, though he had to close his eyes and sort of meditate to use it. It wasn't surprising that he didn't want to leave Loren alone, and he even claimed her wisdom would be invaluable for reaching an understanding of whatever this Lilac law was meant to accomplish.
Buffy wasn't sure what Loren could contribute to interdimensional politics after years in an Earth jail, but she thought it was nice he was trying to include her.
Lilah and Buffy left them to it after some lower ranking Wolfram and Hart lawyer showed up to maintain the fiction of legal counsel, and they were just getting back into the city when Buffy got the call she'd been expecting.
"Hank Summers on the line for you," CyberWillow announced. "I could coordinate if-"
"No, it's fine," Buffy said. She wasn't too worried about Lilah overhearing a conversation with her dad. "Just put him on."
"Hi Buffy, did you make it to LA?" He asked.
"Yeah! Did you get the tickets?" She replied excitedly.
"Right here! Chipmunks on Ice!" He confirmed.
She felt a little bad about using a vengeance wish to control her dad, but she figured this time it'd all be in good fun. It'd been forever since they'd been able to just hang out with no huge stakes putting a cloud over everything.
"What a coincidence!" Lilah cut in, "At the Long Beach Convention Center, right?"
"What kind of coincidence?" Buffy asked suspiciously.
"Who's that?" Her dad asked. "One of your Sunnydale friends?"
"Lilah Morgan, pleased to meet you," she answered quickly.
"More like a work contact," Buffy said, not wanting to get into everything about Wolfram and Hart, much less the Andalites.
"We're an investor with the production company on that show," Lilah continued brightly. "I can get you two bumped to the front row, no problem."
"Wow, you know all the bigshots, don't you Buffy?" Her dad said. "It's the first show tonight, these are really hot tickets right now."
"All the biggest shots," Buffy replied, trying to mask her ennui. It could just be a coincidence, Wolfram and Hart was a big company after all. Or it could be her wish coming back to bite her, because, you know, they were a big evil company, after all. Were even the Chipmunks no longer pure?
"Anyways, where are you?" he asked. "I can pick you up."
"How close are you to Sixth street?" Lilah asked.
"You're downtown already?" He asked. "It's just a few blocks from my work."
"We're driving back there," Lilah said. "Feel free to park at the Wolfram and Hart building, and we'll van you two over."
There were a million objections Buffy could think of making to this, but she held her tongue. Anya had cautioned her that wishes tended to react aggressively to their limits being pushed, so it was probably better just to let it all play out, at least until the specifics were all the way fulfilled.
And if the ice show was going to be a terrible disaster somehow, it was probably better than she be there. As for her dad, she'd just have to do her best to keep him safe; trying to avert the wish directly was more likely to backlash on him than anyone else. After the phone call ended though, she decided it'd be better to at least go in well informed.
"So Chipmunks on Ice is evil?" She asked Lilah, "Really?"
"I'm oathbound by our standard client confidentiality agreements there, I literally couldn't tell you either way." Lilah said. "But it'd be impractical for absolutely everything we touched at the firm to be evil. Sometimes a chipmunk is just a chipmunk."
Buffy gave her a warning look.
"I mean, even if they were evil, it's not like they could just go around terrorizing convention centers in the open! It'd be way too public, lots of important people, important people like you in fact," Lilah pointed at her dramatically, "would throw fits. I'm sure the ice show will be fine. Relax."
She wanted it to be true.
Her dad was already in the driveway rotary in front of the building when they arrived, his car presumably valeted away.
"You're not going to do something evil to his car, right?" Buffy checked.
"Relax," Lilah repeated. "For the most powerful goddess on the planet you sure worry a whole lot."
Something (actually a lot of things) in Buffy wanted to protest that, but it wouldn't help, and it might even be true besides.
When they stopped in front of him and the doors to the limovan popped open her dad looked a little bemused at the setup. "Is this the style these days? It's very open." He stepped in warily, eyes scanning around. "I'm afraid I might not be as light on my feet as you younger folks though."
"I wouldn't worry, the suspension's very good," Lilah reassured him.
Buffy abruptly noticed the lack of handholds in the standing section they were in. "We can go upfront if you want!"
"No, it's fine, I'm sure I'll manage," he said gamely. The driver must have taken that as permission, and they started moving again. Very gently, now that Buffy was paying attention to it. "So Lilah," he continued, "you're one of my daughter's lawyers now?"
"No," Buffy said just as Lilah said, "Yes." They paused
"Sort of," Buffy allowed. Lilah looked like she ate the canary. "There's kind of this dimensional legal thing going on. But it's no big deal."
"I hope I'm not getting in the way," he said.
"No, no, definitely not," Buffy shook her head. "This is going to be the highlight of the trip, I'm starting to feel like everything I do these days is slay-related."
"I've been really busy at the firm too," he said. "Business has really taken off since you set me up with your contact."
"Some nepotism?" Lilah asked innocently. "It's cute to see you can be a little bit unscrupulous when you try."
"It's not like that," Buffy protested. She turned to her dad, "I just wanted to ease you into things."
"Don't worry so much," he unknowingly echoed Lilah's sentiment. "This stuff happens in the ad business all the time. Which isn't to say I'm not grateful. You really opened some doors, LA-AD's competing with Wave now in markets we didn't even know existed three months ago."
Lilah's smile got even brighter when Wave marketing got brought up; did she think Buffy would be more likely to bust the company for human sacrifice just because they were competing with her dad?
Lilah didn't bring up that particular detail, but she still had something to say. "Her word carries a lot of weight in those circles, but the detail work on them can still be very exacting. I don't suppose your legal department has much experience in blood contracts?"
"That part's been a little scary," he admitted. "But it's not like anything has gone wrong yet-"
"That you know of," Lilah finished over him. "We at Wolfram and Hart happen to specialize in that field."
Buffy was starting to seriously regret letting this powwow happen, wish or no wish. "Now, hold on a second, you should know…" She struggled for the right way to explain that Wolfram and Hart made Sour look squeaky clean by comparison. It was slightly complicated by her current predicament of directly working with them.
Lilah rolled her eyes, leaning back against a tinted window. "I was just being friendly. We are theoretically capable of playing nice, you know. And he doesn't sound like he's exactly playing it safe over there as it is."
"Everyone's heard the rumors about this firm Buffy, even if I know they're mostly overblown," her dad said. "I can take care of myself, I'm the parent here."
------------------------------------------------------------------
The topic wandered its way to something less terrifying for the rest of the ride, and even if she knew she'd have to deal with the subject eventually, for now she really did just want to chill. It was ice show time. And maybe the nasty part of the wish was already over: her dad was totally exposed to Wolfram and Hart and that no doubt would cause some vague future badness. Seemed legit.
The convention center was packed when they got there, but the drop-off meant they could skip the parking traffic and just see the sights. All the goofy displays scattered through the approach brought Buffy back to whimsical childhood days of watching Zany and the dancing chipmunks on TV. It was maybe a little bit kid-focused for someone her age, but on the other hand she'd had to do a lot of growing up. It was only fair she got to have this for a couple hours.
And it wasn't like there were only kids there either. It was a pretty big event, maybe so big that she wouldn't even really be noticed amongst some of the other minor celeb attendees.
"- that Buffy Summers? Omigawd should I ask-"
OK, so one voice off in the distance wasn't too bad. She could live with it.
"He's so old! No way is she-"
"-cameo in the show, can she skate?"
It was a huge crowd. There were bound to be a couple people that recognized her.
"-been seen in LA for months, I think it must be connected to those cartels. They're even disrupting shipping, did you hear-"
"No, she'll be in the movie, duh, because-"
Just as she was telling herself it could be way worse, a swarm of tweens seemed to materialize in front of them. "Can I have your autograph!!!"
It was adorable, but it still felt weird to be an object of autographs and squee. She was glad the rest of the crowd mostly left her alone.
"You shouldn't be embarrassed," her dad told her after the kids ran off. "I guess you don't think too much about the normal side of things, but there are a lot more little girls around who want to grow up to be mayor than there were last year."
"I'm not a great role model," Buffy said. "Even without all the drug lord rumors."
"Nobody believes those," he patted her on the shoulder. "It's all tabloid stuff."
"-do you think she's going to do any during the show? There are kids-"
Good hearing was a mixed blessing at times.
They made their way into the building, and once they reached their seats it was apparent that "front row" was kind of underselling it: there was a ring of extra seats set up beyond the last divider and actually on the edge of the ice, like the seats around the court at a basketball game. They had two almost right at center court.
It took some time for everyone else to fill the stadium, but there were chipmunks on the big screen, and the vendors were circling around with snacks. She was almost going to grab the chipmunk-themed peanuts, but she found herself getting a little chilly and went for a hot dog instead.
"That's a good idea," her dad said, also buying one. "Maybe we should've brought heavier coats." His teeth weren't chattering or anything, but he seemed a little cold too.
She was about to respond, but then the lights started dimming. The show was about to begin! Jaunty chipmunks and other colorful character skated out under the spotlights, and Buffy determinedly made herself forget her worries so she could just enjoy the show.
Maybe Lilah had like, just the tiniest fraction of a point.
She'd kinda anticipated not being entirely wowed with the acrobatics: she'd done demon Olympic ice skating herself, after all. But something about their fluffy costumes and goofy dances soothed her spirits. Maybe they weren't quite as athletic as some of the competition in Revel had been, but it was still everything she'd wanted from the missed ice shows of yesteryear.
It was sure getting cold though. She shivered, and wondered if maybe something was wrong with the ice. But it was probably a technical thing, or maybe she just wasn't properly remembering how cold normal ice rinks were. The one at the Olympics might have been heated; Pan could certainly pull a trick like that off.
It definitely wasn't something going wrong. No way, no how. The wish had already done its bad thing, and even if it hadn't, nothing overt would happen with the show, and even if it did, well, it wouldn't, because Buffy refused to believe it would.
She kept telling herself that for a few more minutes, until Angel burst onto the rink in a sprint and half-crashed-into/half-tackled a chipmunk. The head flew off of the costume, revealing an angular icy looking monster underneath. Buffy sighed.
There wasn't much of a reaction from the crowd; clearly they thought it was all part of the show. Her dad was looking at her with obvious concern though. Chipmunks were converging on the scrum as Angel rolled on the ice wrestling the demon, and Doyle was charging out from behind with some other lady to join the fray.
Add to all that, Buffy could see her breath now, and the skin on her fingers was starting to hurt. It was getting colder, fast.
Vote: Normally Buffy would jump right into the fray, but she has no idea what's going on, and her dad is very right here in the middle.
[] There are at least a dozen chipmunks out there, and Angel might be in over his head. Buffy better go bail him out.
-[] She tells her dad to stay put where she can keep track of him.
-[] She tells her dad to evacuate as best he can.
[] Angel got himself into this, he can get himself out. Buffy sticks close to her dad and just tries to help him and as many other people as possible evacuate the stadium.
