Dragon Harem Quest - Or: Saying You Were Gay Wasn't The Conversation-Ender You Hoped For

On the one hand part of you wants to press, if only gently. You just got done talking about how everyone gets to be included and equal, there's something a little discomforting about having to separate Issachar from all that. But, well... that's the problem isn't it? You didn't bring him in properly, now you have to deal with that. You scritch at the scales just behind your right horn and think it through.

"This is something we should talk about," you say. "Just us, if that'd be easier for you. You don't have to stay here tonight either, I'm sure that'd feel uh, really awkward for you. Look how about- how about you head back to your place for the day? I'll come visit you tonight like you offered way back when and we'll talk it out."

Issachar slightly smiles. It's not overly thrilled of course, but there's a certain quiet warmth that makes you feel like you did the right thing. "Thank you for your consideration," he says. "I'd like to stay a little while longer though, if that's alright. I don't want to make myself a stranger all of a sudden over a misunderstanding. But yes, having you over for dinner tonight sounds wonderful."

Now it's your turn to smile. You lower your hand and take a quick look around. "Right! Right. So uh... now that that's sorted. Datu, Lyrros, would you like me to show you around? I know you've already picked a room Lyrros but the tour should still be of use to you. Abzu, Jun-ho, Belial, Issachar, can you entertain yourselves?"

"Ooh can you show me how to make something please?" Jun-ho blurts out all at once, whirling to face Issachar. "I checked and the kitchen's got stuff in it now and I'd love to know how to make stuff that tastes like what you make!"

Issachar chuckles. "That sounds like a wonderful idea, actually. Would anyone else like to join in?"

Belial and Abzu don't need to be asked twice. One may be about three times as energetic about it as the other, but both are more than happy to keep Issachar company in this somewhat delicate time and bond over the secrets of well-made banana bread. The seven of you file down the staircases and go your separate ways, the others stampeding for the kitchen while you lead your newest guests on a tour of the facilities with a muttered "(well that was almost pretty awkward huh)" from Datu. It's still a bit on the bare side, with more unoccupied bedrooms than you strictly need and a few completely blank rooms waiting to be turned into something once the mood strikes you. One seems to be 'the gym' now, stuffed full of the equipment Makram pilfered to prove a point as it is. Once more you wonder if you should get some signs put up. One more you wonder if your spire is on the way to becoming some sort of bizarre wilderness resort. In any case, you find a room for Datu.

"Apologies for the conditions," you say almost immediately, the sight of the soft mortal-standard bed bringing back memories of the state of the sheets after your last night in one. "This is just what the contractors furnished it with by default. What are your normal sleeping conditions like?"

"Pretty simple really," he replies, passing a webbed hand across the ready-made bed before him as if trying to puzzle out how anyone could sleep in something so flimsy. "It's way warmer where I come from, humid too. You basically just throw your ass down on a mat and sleep like that, no blankets or nothing. Or right there on the beach if you're feeling lazy. Whatever works."

You feel that.

" 'course that wouldn't work out so well for me here 'cause shit's cold, but you get what I mean," he adds, flashing a toothy smirk. "So long as you don't mind me using all your hot water I'm easy."

"Oh I don't doubt it," says Lyrros. You begin to fear what you've unsealed by declaring polyamory. Datu looks both surprised at the sheer boldness of Lyrros' comment and at least the faintest bit interested before you intervene so you can at least get the tour done before it gets derailed by savage humping or something.

"It's slipped my mind in recent days but I was being completely serious when we last spoke," you interject, a little louder than you intended. "A full spa for you and all the others to come when I have your bedding replaced. No expense spared."

"Whoah, really?" Datu asks. "Fuck yeah, this place is awesome."

"And you'll have all the freedom you'd like to decorate your room," you go on. "Just say the word and I'll purchase whatever you like." You half-turn to Lyrros, as if in apology for the instinctive cockblock. "Lyrros, I'm told you've been taking care of that on your own. Would you care to demonstrate?"

"Gladly~"

Whatever you expected was nowhere close to far enough. When Lyrros throws the door open it's as if it becomes a portal to another world, to some hidden room secreted away in the bowels of the Douglas estate, or perhaps some yet-more-cursed manor perched atop a secluded cliff or mist-wreathed moor. Despite the lack of windows there are drapes everywhere, thick and rich as blankets, a purple so deep and vibrant as to be near-black. An entire four-poster bed sits within, draped in gauzy silk curtains so thin that the silhouette of whoever sleeps inside would be plainly, tantalisingly visible. He somehow found a carpet the exact dimensions of the entire room to throw down on the bare stone, covered in intricate interwoven patterns of black and deep purple that seem to blend and swirl together. An exquisitely-carved ebony vanity sits against one wall, the elliptical mirror lined with burning candles -black wax of course- that fill the room with the distinctive pleasant scent of sandalwood.

And, naturally, there's a spare coffin in the corner.

"(Good lord)" you murmur.

"I never do things by half-measures," Lyrros says smugly.

Datu gives a low whistle. "No you do not." He leans back from the doorway and swings around to face the you-assume-undead elf. "So what's your story? Jun-ho was pretty eager to tell the world all about how awesome I looked saving him and Eld from that marid, but you're a pretty recent find too right? How'd you meet?"

Lyrros combs his hair back between his gloved claws, even though it was perfect already. "It's a long, sad tale of curses and a once-noble household falling to rot and ruin. Suffice it to say I was turned into this achingly beautiful predator of the night you see before you and slumbered in a coffin beneath the long-lost Douglas estate for nigh on a century before I emerged to defend myself from intruders. After a long and thrilling battle, I graciously conceded defeat and allowed them to take the treasure they found by right of conquest. That money is currently funding these renovations."

"Ohhhh. Oh you fought Eld?" Datu says. "And the other guy Issachar apparently. Man, sounds like fun!"

"Oh it was," Lyrros agrees. "Such a shame that we could not see each other in action. I could have taken your breath away with the speed and finesse of my movements, and you... well. I can think of any number of ways you could impress me."

Datu slowly arches one brow, folding arms as big or bigger than Lyrros' legs across his broad, brawny chest. "Is that so~?" He glances at you. "Hey Eld, need you to be a tiebreaker again. Who d'you think was the better fighter, me or him?"

Your eyes widen. This is just the kind of pressure you didn't need right now! And shame on Datu for trying to make you choose between the two of them when not doing that is the whole point of this venture! You rack your brain for a neutral answer.

"IIiiii can't possibly say," you reply. "The times I saw you fight were in such wildly different contexts I couldn't adequately compare the two of you."

"Yeah but which one of us do you think would win in a fight?" Datu presses.

"U-uh, I don't know?" you say. "I hadn't given it much thought! I suppose I'd have to see you two in action again to make any sort of-"

Oh no. Ohhhh no you've given Datu a certain Gleam in his eye and as you whip your head around to look at Lyrros you notice the same Gleam in his eye. They're looking at each other like you've completely faded away, gazing into each other's eyes like they're ready for all manner of unwholesome activities - Datu to fightfuck and Lyrros to fuckfight. Either way it's sure to be messy and mesmerising to watch.

"Hang- hang on now let's just-"

"Pshhhh it'll be fiiiine," Datu reassures you, waving one webbed hand in your direction. He ends up clipping you on the snout. "We'll take it outside, smack each other around a little bit, see where the afternoon takes us. Sound about right, Lyrros?"

"Indeed, that sounds more than agreeable," Lyrros says. "You have little to worry about, Eldingar. I heal quite rapidly, and you...?"

"Won't need to," Datu replies with smug confidence.

"O-ho, you bitch~" Lyrros chuckles. "Methinks the fishboy needs a vigorous caning to beat some manners into him."

This was a mistake. All of it, every part of it. Your life is spiralling out of control.

A short while later finds you with all the other boyfriends and other on the cliffside behind the spire, gathered on the thin grassy shelf between sheer rock on one side and a dizzying drop into churning ice-cold seas below. Datu and Lyrros are roughly thirty paces apart, limbering up with a wide variety of stretches that in Lyrros' case you are pretty sure exist only to show off to the other. The amount of raw sexual energy being exuded by the pair is so palpable that you find yourself constantly glancing at Belial, checking if the demonic essence clinging to his limbs is doing any lust-based photosynthesis. You swear it is but he shoots you a concerned look so you resolve to stop looking.

"So... beg pardon, remind me why this is happening?" Issachar asks, offering you a cookie shaped like the plant-monster you fought in the greenhouse. You hurl it into your mouth, barely even chewing.

"I think Lyrros is extremely pent up and Datu is just easy so they're going to spar as foreplay then probably make passionate love," you say.

"Ah," says Issachar. He glances to your other side. Jun-ho is happily scarfing down his own cookies, wonky and lumpy as they are. His gaze returns to you. "That map found a curious array of partners for you, didn't it?"

"Yeah it's been expanding the ol' horizons quite a bit!" you agree with a sort of thrilled-yet-apprehensive tension in your voice, not quite sure if this is a nightmare or some kind of very sweaty dream come to life right before your eyes. A moment later you try to catch Issachar's eye and flash him another slight smile to reassure him. He returns the gesture, and once more your pounding heart is slightly eased.

You feel a gentle tap to your arm, and turn to see Abzu by your side with a sign already raised.

[So who do you think will win?]

You flick your gaze up to the stretching pair for a moment. "I'm not sure," you admit. "I wasn't really in the right state of mind to properly appreciate how either of them fought. Why do you ask? Just curious?"

[Kind of!] They wave the notepad and pen in their other hand. [I want to take notes! I still don't know what exactly Lyrros is, and Datu's pretty special too.] [Plus it'll just be kinda fun to watch them fight!]

"I suppose that is true."

[Wanna make a beeeeet~?] Abzu somehow manages to sign slyly, their 'eyebrows' wiggling up and down like a choppy ocean. You double-take.

"Staked on what?" you ask, bewildered.

[It's a secret :3] [C'mon, it's just for fun! Who do you think will win?] [It's just between us, so don't feel bad about playing favourites.]

Abzu does have a point. Neither of them have to know which of them you think is more likely to win, and there is some nebulous yet-to-be-named prize up for grabs. There's any number of things Abzu could give you as a gift for winning, both wholesome and -as you recently learned- decidedly 'un'. And they're making that cute face at you, you just can't say no to that face.

You think the winner will most likely be

[ ] Datu. He's got the advantage in reach, size, strength, sheer density, that rune spear of his, he's dynamite honestly. However he seems to have the disadvantage in agility, and without some means to pin Lyrros down you wonder if he won't just be 'bled' to death with a thousand 'cuts'.
[ ] Lyrros. He seems to have the advantage in speed and agility, not to mention a greater grasp of some sort of innate magic and a spread of shapeshifting to boot. He can probably mist out of any attempt to grapple him, but what if one good hit from Datu is all it takes?