Release 3.5
The Grail climbed off their tiger and sat down on the concrete in front of Blasto and Trickster, taking the roll of drugs from the Tinker with on hand while they gently petted their massive feline who had laid down beside them. Trickster leaned forward, taking a lighter from his suit pocket and lit the, to the Grail, foreign object and gestured for them to inhale it by doing so themselves with their own joint.
Despite the protests of the remnant, Angra Manyu took the joint and inhaled deeply. Blasto, meanwhile, lifted his own joint to his lips, but was startled by the tiger letting out a low growl. Startled enough to drop his joint. The tiger scooted forward, sniffing at the strange object before sneezing. Blasto looked down at his now snot covered roll of drugs and decided to just make himself a new one.
Angra Mainyu wasn't so sure what the big deal was. So far it just felt like they were inhaling smoke.
"I know, and it makes my nose itch." The tiger said.
Angra Mainyu nodded their head in agreement. "So, what are you two doing here?"
"Getting high." They answered in unison.
Angra Mainyu rolled their eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I know that. I mean why."
"Ah…" Blasto scratched his cheek, or rather the cheek of his fungal mask, and sighed. "My girl broke up with me. Actually, I guess we weren't dating in the first place, apparently."
All the World's Evils rose a single eyebrow but didn't say anything, instead taking another drag of their joint as they scratched the tiger behind the ears, eliciting a small moan from the feline.
Trickster leaned back a bit and looked at the sky. "Stress, mostly. Noelle, that's my girlfriend, is in a bad way, and I've been trying to help, but it just seems like we ain't going anywhere, you know?"
Angra Mainyu nodded their head. "Yeah, yeah, I feel that." Like trying to grant humanity's ultimate wish for the birth of an Evil God to serve as a scapegoat and possibly destroy their entire race just like they wanted, but those same humans keep blowing you up at the last second. Angra Mainyu could really relate.
"So, what about you?" Blasto smiled a bit as he shifted to fully face them. "You got a special someone? Any that got you trouble, you know?"
Angra Mainyu, feeling pensive and nostalgic all at once nodded their head. Emiya's rejection, the other Emiya's rejection, losing hold on Sakura, trying to grant Bazett's wish and losing hold of her, Caren, fucking confusing time shit, Emiya's rejection...two more times? Fuck.
"Yeah. I've had a few."
"Damn. Really?"
Trickster looked at them and leaned forward eagerly. "Hey, you gotta tell us about that."
Angra Mainyu's immediate reaction was violence, which was their first response to most things come to think of it, but they held back. No, they could use this. "Fine, fine. But this is how we do this. We go in rounds, okay? You ask a question, I answer, then I ask a question and you answer. Deal?"
Blasto smiled and took another drag. "Yeah. Sounds good to me."
Trickster nodded. "I go first!"
"Fuck, I should have called that."
Angra Mainyu rolled their eyes. "Yeah, yeah. You're an idiot and should have called it. Get a move on."
Trickster grinned. "So, you said a few. How many is a few, 'cause really I've only been with Noelle."
Did they count the young Emiya three times? No. That sounded stupid. "Five? The lengths of those aren't all the same, and I might put some of them higher on my shit list or higher on my good list, but yeah, five."
Trickster whistled. Next to him the supplier of their drugs laughed. "Man, a kid has more experience than me. Shit. Ah, anyways, my turn, right? Yeah. Uh...give us some names? No. Names and like, a short, like, how you think of them, I guess."
Strange question, and more troublesome than the first, but they would play along. "Kiritsugu Emiya. Really only heard of him through his wife-"
Trickster perked up. "Wait wait wait. Hold up!"
"I'M TELLING A STORY HERE!"
"B-But…"
Blasto dropped his joint again. "Shit. Age gap and an affair? Fuck."
"Oh shut it." Angra Mainyu growled. Even the tiger was shaking her head disapprovingly. "He rejected me when I tried to make my offer."
The top hat wearing cape blinked. "Offer?"
Blasto giggled. "She wanted him inside her."
The spirit of evil sighed. "Not quite...but whatever. Anyways, was kind of in a rut after that, but I bounced back pretty quick. Met Sakura Matou, really nice girl-"
"You're gay!?" Blasto hit Trickster in the back of the head for them. How nice.
"-real quiet. Bad home life, lot of repression going on there." Blasto giggled. This time Trickster smacked him. "I broke her out of her shell, really got her to embrace all that shit she thought she had to hide. We had fun while I was inside her." Now they were both giggling. "But I lost her. Son of Emiya sweeped her right out from under me."
Blasto grimaced while Trickster clenched his fist and muttered "If some dick tried to take my Noelle…" under his breath. Blasto leaned forward and patted their shoulder. "That's rough, buddy."
Angra Mainyu lifted one hand and moved the Tinker's hand off of their shoulder. "Yeah...anyways. Don't get me started on that Emiya dick. The son. Shirou. He was just like his dad, except less of a dick and more of an idiot, I guess. Still rejected me though."
Blasto gave them a dry look. "Uh...I'm no psychiatrist, but maybe going after the son of the guy you tried to have an affair with was a bad idea."
Yeah, they knew that
now. "Anyways, after that I met Bazett. Older woman. Kind of serious, but was surprisingly childish and awkward when you got to know her. Real cute. She accepted my offer." Blasto and Trickster blinked, looked at one another, turned back to the bloody bride and each held two thumbs up grinned like idiots. "It was going well enough. A couple hiccups-"
Trickster rose his joint as though to make a toast. "Hey! Any relationship has that. As the man you gotta fix it though."
Right, let's ignore Angra Mainyu's lack of gender for now. "Yeah, anyways. Was working it out, then those problems sorta got fixed by this other chick. Caren." They paused.
Caren. "Exotic looking, the sort of smug type. Kind of hated each other at first, but damn was it nice knowing her. Felt more human then than I ever had before. No offers, no fixing people or any of that noise, just…"
There was no mirth in Blasto's eyes. He smiled. "Love."
Angra Mainyu jerked up, startled. "What? No! No! Hahaha! Love? Yeah, right."
Trickster rubbed the chin of his mask thoughtfully. "Sounds like that girl was your actual true love to me."
What? Angra Mainyu like her? Pfft. No way. How could anyone like her and her stupid...exotic white hair and radiant gold eyes. Her fair skin, without a single blemish. Her fit form, accentuated by her exorcist garb. But her priestess garb was perhaps even more fantastic. Like an angel.
...not that they thought she was pretty or anything...idiots…
"Right! I answered! My turn!" Angra Mainyu wanted away from this line of dialogue NOW! "So! You two! The girls you were talking about! Tell me about them! What do you want from your future with them?"
Trickster took a long drag as Blasto made himself a new one.
"My girl, Noelle...well, she was the socially awkward type, I guess. She had friends, but we were the geeks in school, you see. Not popular. Anyways, she has always been pretty, or at least I think so, and we hung out so much that it just sort of seemed natural to me. To start dating her I mean." He laughed. "I took her out to the movies or to eat, but apparently she didn't realize we were dating for a whole month! You should have heard her! 'Why didn't you tell me!' Her face was so red, so cute!" He laughed again.
His laughter petered out slowly, eventually leaving him staring at the ground in silence for a long moment. "She had issues though. Wouldn't tell me what. Almost ruined things a couple of times. But...I didn't let that come between us. I didn't want to lose her." He sighed. "Then we got mixed up in a Simurgh attack and all got powers. She got the worst of it. Power that fucks with her mind and body...I feel so powerless. I couldn't help her then, and even now it looks like I'm nowhere closer to helping her…"
Blasto hummed. "So you want things to go back to normal?"
Trickster laughed as he shook his head. "Normal? Like before? Yeah, no...I don't fucking know man. This world is fucking great-" This world? "-but it fucking sucks. I mean, life has always sucked, but being a villain really sucks, even if it is fun sometimes. Still, I mean, I can't say I don't like it sometimes...but if it meant I'd be able to fix Noelle, then yeah, I want to go back. So badly. I want her back."
The Tinker sighed while nodding his head. "Yeah, I can sort of get that feeling. I mean, no, my girl didn't turn into a Case53 or anything, just walked out on me, but I get the whole wanting to sort of hit the reset button there." He took a drag of his newly made joint. "I mean, fuck, maybe I was trying to move too fast or something. Maybe if I waited? Shit, no, she called us friends with benefits. I misunderstood from the start." He sighed. "I guess, she isn't actually my girl, huh? Damn. Being single sucks."
Angra Mainyu frowned. Next to them the tiger growled. "At least you can find a mate. The other tigers in my exhibit are all female."
Blasto looked up at the sky, the picture of calm. "I just want to find a nice girl. One that will see past all this villain bullshit, one that would be happy to listen to me talk about boring shit like cell walls and enzymes, and who would run away with me and have-" he took a drag, his eyes red with unshed tears now as well as the drugs, "-fifty fucking babies with me!"
"Woah." Angra Mainyu was shocked. "That sounds like too much."
"You humans are already overpopulating this planet, so I guess fifty more wouldn't hurt." The tiger sneezed again.
"Yeah! And I want a good girl too! Not like shitty Poison Apple or whatever the fuck she's calling herself now! Someone mom and sis would love! Fuck! Maybe I can buy a ranch!" He laughed. "I love you guys! You guys are my best friends."
The two villains hugged. "I love you man!" "Me too!" "Wanna live on my ranch with me when you fix your girl?" "Fuck yeah, but your kids have to call me uncle, alright?" "Alright!"
...idiots.
But…
"Hey." The two villains turned to look at the bloody bride. "Any chance I can grow some hortensia flowers on your ranch?"
They smiled. "Fuck! I can
make you some hortensia flowers, man!" "I think Sundancer would love you man! No idea if she swings that way, but no harm trying right!"
They were all hugging now. Even the tiger.
"...Angra Mainyu? ...This one does not find this amusing...Angra Mainyu? …"
Scion looked around in surprise, currently floating above Cairo. "...Hello?"
"...the one that speaks...is not Angra Mainyu."
[AGREEMENT]
Scion's eyes widened. "Eden!? Is that you?"
"No, this is the Holy Grail."
[NEGATIVE]
"No, it is definitely you!"
"This one is going to take a nap until things are normal."
"Eden, speak to me!"
[CONFUSION]
"Oh I was so worried! Are you okay? Where are you? How can I find you? Please tell me everything's okay."
[...DECEIT: STATUS - ...WELL]
"Oh thank you! I am so glad. I...I will find you, but I understand you were-ARE the one with the plans, so I understand if there is some reason you can't come to me, or if there is some reason you can't tell me but...please, can you just talk to me? For a little while? I need to hear your voice."
[...AFFIRMATIVE]
"Thank you."
OPTIONS:
[] Make Blasto a Master
[] Make Trickster a Master
[] No Masters, just bros
AN: I assume people don't want to make them both Masters. Anyways, regardless of what is chosen, the three will smoke into the morning, and go their separate ways. Whoever is made Master will be made Master
after this separation happens to prevent whoever is not made Master from getting pissy (provided that someone is made Master at all). I mean, the Grail is taking a nap right now anyways, so...
