I'm sure there's someone out there that can have a dignified response to suddenly being caught by the ankle by a wire and getting hung from a convenience store rooftop.
"
¡SANGRE DE DIOS, ME CAGO EN LA PUTA MADRE QUE ME PARIO!"
I am not that someone.
"Hey, hey, stop screaming!"
I kept screaming.
"I mean it, stop that!"
I did not stop that.
"Screw this."
"¡AAAAAAAH-¿Mmph?!"
"
There. Now, will you calm down and listen to me?"
Now that I was more focused on the hand covering my mouth than the drop under me, I could see that my kidnapper was a purple-clad girl with a black mask that covered all her face, except for a blonde ponytail I could see peeking from under her cowl.
Hesitantly, I nodded, and she drew her hand away from my mouth.
She turned me around as I hung and put my hands behind my back, but I barely paid any attention as I thought.
If all the purple was any indication, this was... Spoiler, right? Yeah, I remembered her now. Spoiler, daughter of some C-List nobody, only member of the Batfamily with any sense of humor besides Nightwing for a while there.
... wasn't she responsible for the gang war? Yeah, War Games. Anger surged and I tried to turn to glare at her, just to be ignored.
"Okay, that should be secure enough," she muttered, once my hands were...
handcuffed?! She freaking handcuffed me?! "Ready for the drop?"
"Huh?" Without any more warning, she untied my leg and let me drop on the roof next to her. "Oof!"
"Sorry 'bout that," she said, turning me around and looking down on me. "But I've got some questions and you look like you have answers."
I was tempted to spit on her. All the mess she caused and now she fucking kidnapped me?! "There's this fun method called 'asking', maybe you've heard of it?"
"Is that what you did at Black Mask's safehouse?" Oh shit. Move aside, anger, there's a chance I'm about to get my knees inverted by a member of the Batfam. "That was a real mess. You put a lot of people in danger."
I winced, "I-I know, but I tried to minimize it-"
"By breaking into a few apartments and waving guns around?"
"No! I wasn't going to fire-"
"Unless you did so by accident."
"I had my finger away from the trigger-"
"So Namond's crew had an advantage on you? Not very smart."
I wanted to yell at her, and that's what made me realize what she was doing. Pressuring me, interrupting, questioning everything I do, making me get angry so maybe I'll blurt something out. She probably got it out of Batman's handbook.
I took a deep breath, let it out, and looked into those creepy white eyes. "If you want me to tell you where Black Mask is, I'll do it."
She blinked. "Wait, what?"
"I'll tell you." I wouldn't be happy about it, but despite the collection of evidence to the contrary I call my life, I'm not totally stupid. "He's at the Diamond District, biggest building facing Robinson Park. Penhouse."
Spoiler stared at me, then pressed her boot down on my chest. "Why are you telling me this? Who do you work for? I'm not going to do your dirty work for-"
A disbelieving laugh escaped me, "Is that why you strung me from a fucking building? You think I work for the Ventriloquist or something?"
"... don't you?"
I started laughing in earnest, and once I started I couldn't stop. The rollercoaster of emotions had gone through every other option, so I fell into amusement and broke into hysterics.
Spoiler shouted me a bit, but eventually she gave up and sat down, staring at me with what I'd call a sullen expression if I'd been able to see more than the shape of her eyes.
"I—oh man—I'm sorry," I said, once I calmed down a little, though I still shook with giggles. "It's just, the whole situation is so stupid. I raided a drug den, I patched myself up with femenine hygiene producs and tape, and now a blonde wearing leather tied me up on a rooftop. The only thing missing is a priest and we have a full joke here."
Spoiler stared at me, chuckled, and hung her head. "Yeah, that's what this is. A fucking joke."
The miserable tone made me stop and look at her. She was sitting with her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around her legs, and she looked the picture of misery.
I started to feel like an asshole for the Nth time that night. Here I was, laughing myself sick while she was dealing with the guilt from starting this mess. Part of me thought she deserved it, but frankly I felt the whole War Games thing was just a series of everyone making the worst possible choices.
Not to mention that now I was remembering that whole scene in Leslie Thompkins' clinic, and her teen pregnancy. Stephanie Brown had been through too much to need my own shithead habits tossed on the pile.
... which meant I had to be nice. Yay. My forte.
"... So..." I said, shuffling over to lay on my side and look at her more comfortably. "Not to be meddlesome or anything, but you seem kinda down in the dumps. Wanna talk about it?"
She looked at me, "Really? With the 'blonde wearing leather that tied you up on a roof'?"
"Are you kidding? Any other night I'd have to pay for this treatment. Far as I'm concerned, I owe you."
Despite herself, she chuckled, "Dumbass."
She walked over and moved me so I could sit next to her, not making any moves to undo my handcuffs. Which, fair, I guess.
"I... I screwed up bad," she said, "I made Batman really mad, and I have to prove that he's wrong about me. That I can be more, that he can count on me. Which I guess doesn't really matter, because apparently I just grabbed some random civilian off the street and he was right about me."
She stared at the ground. I licked my lips and tried to make a joke, "If, uh, if it makes you feel better, I think all the shooting, breaking and entering and stealing I did tonight classifies me as a criminal."
She looked up, "You know, weirdly? That doesn't make me feel better."
"Sorry."
"I just—who even
are you?" she asked, exasperated. "You say you're not in a gang, but you found the
exact right den and you managed to break in and out unharmed? I don't think random teens can do that."
Well, probably not, but the extra set of memories help.
"I just got lucky," I shrugged. "One of the kids working that corner is a few years behind me at Carmondy, I've been listening in on his conversations and spying on the building for weeks. Actually, hold on..."
Since my hands were tied behind my back, it wasn't too hard to reach into my back pocket and pull out my notes, which I tossed at Spoiler.
She grabbed them, making a 'ew' noise at the still-fresh bloody fingerprints, and paged through them. Times, hand signs, movements, all meticulously noted next to every idea I could come up with as to how I was going to get in.
It probably said something about me that '
walk in through the front and hope no one calls you on your many bluffs' was my best plan. I
am a good bluffer, tho.
"Honestly, I didn't think Namond would know how I could get to Black Mask." I confessed, as Spoiler kept paging through my notes. "I was ready for this to take... well, years. It was a full month before I had enough to feel comfortable breaking into the building, and I just figured I'd get the location of someone slightly higher up and repeat the process until I got my hands on the Big Bad."
"But
why?" Spoiler demanded. "Why spend a whole month on something that could get you killed? Why do all-" she shook my notes, "-
this?"
I felt my throat tighten and realize I'd grit my teeth.
"I, uh," I cleared my throat a few times and looked away, forcing myself to loosen my jaw. "It doesn't matter."
"What? Of course it matters! What, you're just on some insane rampage for no-?!" Her voice felt like it was buzzing, pounding at the sides of my head.
"I said it doesn't matter!" I snapped. "I'm going to find Black Mask, I'm going to beat him within an inch of his miserable, BDSM-themed life, and then I'm going to fucking end it! If it takes a month,
fine! If it takes a year,
so be it! And if it takes the rest of my life, it doesn't matter as long as its
my hands around his fucking throat!"
Spoiler blinked. "... you've got issues, man."
I took a deep breath, let it out, and said, "Not a man."
"Right," Spoiler looked at my notes. "These... aren't too bad, actually."
"Thanks," I said. "Not that it matters. I wouldn't be surprised if Black Mask moves places after tonight. He's bound to hear
something."
"So this information is only good for tonight?" Spoiler muttered, finally at the page with the address written on it.
I shrugged. "Probably."
Spoiler looked at it, then tossed my notes on my lap and leaned me forward.
"Whoa, wait, what are you-?"
"Shut up and listen," she said, and I felt the handcuffs loosen and drop. "I've... recently learned that I need to work on my planning skills. But I
can fight, run and throw like a Bat, which I'm guessing
you can't."
"Not untrue," I said, putting the notebook on my chest pocket and rubbing my wrists. "So what, you put in the badass martial arts and I put in the plan?"
"More or less," Spoiler stood up and offered me her hand. "Deal?"
If I'd been a nicer, more fair individual, I would have pointed out that I wasn't exactly a master strategist. I would have adviced her to get Batman, to get Robin, to get
anyone else and get them to help her. Told her that
that would prove her maturity.
But I wanted Black Mask's ass on a plate. And Bat-tech would help.
So I took her hand and said, "Deal."
-=]:[=-
"So what's the next move?" I asked her as we walked down an alley after I'd grabbed my two new guns from where they fell on the street. She'd been against me having it, but eventually relented when I pointed out that, unlike her, my ass wasn't covered in super kevlar or trained in a million martial arts.
"Batman's probably busy with some skirmish right now," she said. "We go in the Batcave, get you something to defend yourself and me some gear, and we go check out Mask's building."
"I think that's technically three or four moves." I watched as she pulled a lever hidden behind a green dumpster, making it crack open and reveal a purple bike. "... nice garage."
"Batfam issue safehouse," she said, sounding a bit bitter. "Barely got Batman to tell me where it was before he fired me."
"Ah," I said, choosing not to make a comment for once. She seemed to appreciate it, since she handed me an extra purple motorcycle helmet instead of throwing it at me. Which meant I was safe for wiseassery again, "Nice theming."
"What, purple not your colour?"
"Purple's fine, but it's a little against branding for me."
She gave me a confused look, and I smacked my face. "Right, I never told you my name. I'm an idiot."
"Nice to meet you, An Idiot. I'm Spoiler."
"Ha, funny," I put on the helmet. It was one of those that cover the full head and face, and lowering the visor let me see a little glowing circle on the corner of my eye. Helmet came with HUD, apparently? "It's Azul. My name is Azul Sartore."
"Your name is Blue Sartore?"
"I was seven, I wanted a neutral name in Spanish—which by itself is a tall order—and blue is my favourite colour." And also I couldn't go with 'Robin' again because in Gotham that's just asking for 'boy wonder' jokes, but I didn't feel like talking about the terrible cosmological and spiritual implications of my existance in this universe.
I gestured at the bike. "Are we here to critique me and my naming skills, or are we here to take down a mob boss?"
"I'm waiting on you, m-bud," Spoiler sat at the front and started the engine, her hood tossed back so she could put on another helmet, "Hop on."
I did, choosing to grab the handles at the sides. Maybe she snorted at that, but the roar of the engine as we sped through Gotham's streets obscured it.
The little symbol on the edge of my vision unfurled into the words 'comms on' just as Spoiler's voice rang right next to my ear, "Hey, I'm gonna block out your vision."
"What? Why?!"
"You think I'm just gonna show some random person how to enter the freaking
Batcave?" the visor started tinting black, and I was just a body moving blindly at no will of my own, wind cutting against me. "Just stay still until I clear it up, Blues. We'll get there in no time."
"Uh-huh," I said, a little strained. "Sure. Love moving at high speeds and not being able to see. I mean, it's not like seeing would help me, right? This just removes the dread of seeing something coming and leaves me with suspense. I love suspense. It's my favourite."
I barely heard Spoiler mutter, "Is this what I sound like when I'm nervous?" before the comms shut off, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Awesome. I love being alone with my thoughts. And I wasn't totally alone, I had the little glowing symbol!
It felt like a long ride, even though it was probably a quick one. Nothing with me but the feeling of the engine and forward movement. Since Spoiler was quite a bit shorter and thinner than me, her body didn't offer much protection from the wind.
It moved inside my jacket, freezing me, raising goosebumps on my skin. I barely noticed when we started going down hill, then down in a spiral, then up. It wasn't until I heard a waterfall that I realized there was some fucky shit going on.
A while after that, the bike stopped, I heard some beeping noises outside the helmet, the bike moved and then stopped again.
The comms turned back on. "We're here."
The visor cleared out, letting me see the Batcave in all its glory as Spoiler dismounted.
Tall stalagmites hung above me, bats flying between or perched from them. Built into the sides of the great cavern were metal platforms adorned with all sorts of trophy cases, what looked like cupboards full of batarangs and assorted tools, and all around where Spoiler parked her bike were dozens of Batmobiles.
All around I could see souvernirs and memoirs of Batman's career, some of them snapping memories from the amnesiac fog that covered most of my previous life's memories. I saw multiple Batsuits for every member of the family, dozens of utility belts, batarangs, tools and gadgets galore, the epic career of one of Earth's greatest heroes laid out in front of me.
I'd grown pretty used to seeing some amazing shit on the news, but this was still awe-inspiring in new and old ways, as the life of who I used to be and the one I was currently living joined in declaring one thing:
"This is the coolest moment of my life."
I gave a dumb laugh, totally without hyserics or irony for the first time in a months, and I turned to look at my impromptu partner, "Spoiler! Spoiler that's the Penny Plunderer's giant penny! Holy crap, that's Mr Freeze's gun! And that's-!"
Clink!
I looked down and found that I was handcuffed to the handle I'd just been holding. I looked up at Spoiler, who was turning around and holding a key. I looked back down at the handcuff. Then back at Spoiler.
"Seriously?!"
"Sorry," Spoiler shrugged, helmet off and hood on already, as she walked away. "Can't risk you stealing any of Bats' junk."
"First off, that's fair, I totally want to." I said, "Second, this isn't
junk!"
"Why are
you offended?" She asked, "Not like this is your man cave."
"No, but it is the highlight of my life and I'd thank you to treat it as such!"
"Pff, nerd," she said, opening a cabinet and filling her belt pockets with batarangs. "Okay, do you know how to use any weapons?"
"I do muay thai, so if there's any Bat-Brass Knuckles I could probably use 'em." Like I was gonna get a new life and
not do my best from point zero to get sick martial arts skills. I wasn't exactly Lady Shiva, but I had enough skill on me to walk around Gotham at night and only slightly fear for my life. "Bat Shin Guards if you have 'em, for kicks. And also for when I hit people with my legs."
"I'm not letting you keep anything I give you," she said, ruffling around and closing the cabinet when she didn't find what she was looking for. "There's the Shock Gloves..."
I perked up.
"... but I don't think I can trust you with them."
I pouted. Not that she was wrong, but still. That would've been dope.
"Here!" She said, pulling two brass knuckles designed to look like—and this may shock you—bats. "The sides of these can cut too, so if you're going to miss, miss by little and carefully."
"Cool, will I be handcuffed while you use them?"
"
No. You will be handcuffed when you go to jail."
That wasn't Spoiler's voice.
It was a little awkward turning around, but I didn't need to turn all the way around to see Batman's looming frame standing behind me, body hidden under his cowl.
"...
shit."
"
Hrm," Batman (correctly) decided I wasn't a threat and moved up the ramp, towards a petrified Stephanie. "
Spoiler. Care to explain?"
"I, uh, I..." Steph swallowed. "B-Bats, it's not what it looks like-"
"
Spoiler, I don't even know what this looks like," Wow, he could keep The Voice up even while sounding totally done with her shit. "
It almost looks like you brought a stranger into the Batcave. An armed stranger with a shocking resemblance to the person Gordon tells me was involved in an attack at one of Black Mask's stashes. All while in the middle of a gang war you started. But I must be wrong. Because I really can't believe you'd be that stupid."
Wow, okay. Long hours make for an asshole Batman.
On the one hand, I got it.
His plan had been used without his consent in starting a city-wide conflict with a body count on the thousands. The psychological stress from
that alone was unimaginable. Throw in the way he must have been running around, how many lives he must have been too late to save, and now me there?
I would have been past the point of rational thought and comprehensible speech.
On the other hand, Steph was under a lot of stress too, and she'd agreed to help me take a crack at Black Mask, so...
"She made sure I couldn't see how we got here," I said. I winced when Batman looked at me, but kept talking. "And you can see she made sure I couldn't take anything. We're just working together for a second."
"
For a second."
"... or, y'know, rest of the night," I shrugged. "However long it takes to bring down Black Mask?"
Spoiler facepalmed behind Batman, while he just Batglared at me.
"
And just how do you figure into this alliance?"
"I know where Black Mask is?"
"
Are you asking me or telling me?"
The stupid cliché answer snapped me out of fear long enough to frown, "Okay, you don't get to pull that shit with me, I'm not one of your twenty-seven spandex-clad infants."
Spoiler made a face at me from over Batman's shoulder. Batman's Batglare intensified.
I looked down, "Sorry, sir."
Batman glared some more and then, in a show of vulnerability that was the biggest show of just how tired he was so far, rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "
... I'm supposed to believe that you know where Roman Sionis is?"
I took a deep breath, forced myself to look him in the eye, immediately looked away and nodded, "Yes. Because it's the truth."
"
He has been insanely paranoid about where he hides. Only his trusted liutenants know where he is. And you know?"
"Apparently he should trust different liutenants," I shrugged. "That thing Commissioner Gordon told you about was me-"
"
Enough." Batman snapped, "
I don't have time for whatever you got Spoiler to believe-"
"I'm telling you the truth!"
"
I said enough!"
"Bats, please, just listen, they-" Spoiler tried, but Batman turned towards her and she shut up.
"
Don't you start," Batman said. "
I'll talk to you when I'm done with them."
I was getting angry, which naturally lead to me doing something stupid, "Wayne, for fuck's sake, just listen! I'll go to jail or whatever when it's done, but... what's with you two?"
Spoiler and Batman had frozen, staring at me.
A second later, I realized what I said.
"Ah, shit," I said, "I just called you by your name, didn't I?"
It wasn't a second before Batman had me by the neck of the shirt, and for a moment I fully believed I was about to get my shit rocked by him. "
How do you know that?!"
"I-I just- I just figured it out!" I said, leaning away from him. Knowing myself, I'd prepared a lie in case I ever blurted it out and had someone question me about my knowledge, since 'I read about you in a comic' was bound to get me a spot in Arkham.
"
How?!"
I gestured around at everything around us, even as I kept trying to gain distance that Batman wouldn't allow me, "I-I just reasoned that Gotham—I mean, that Batman had to be someone from Gotham with enough money for all the Bat-tech, enough terrain to hide it in, a strong jawline and maybe p-personal tragedy motivating them! Bruce Wayne fit all the descriptions, and whenever Batman has been recorded a-as having a difficult fight, Bruce Wayne c-claims to have a skiing accident!"
"
Who have you told?!"
I was shocked he even asked, "No one! It would put you at risk!"
Batman looked surprised, before he suddenly convulsed and dropped unconscious on top of me, leaving me trapped under his weight and with one leg caught under Spoiler's bike as we all fell to the ground.
"What the-" I saw Spoiler, holding what looked like one of Nightwing's electrical escrima sticks in her hand. "Spoiler?!"
"What, you don't know my identity too?" she asked, but it sounded strained and mildly hysterical.
I could never come up with a reasonable story as to how I could have figured it out, and half the time I didn't think of her since she only recently showed up in the news. "No."
"Well that's nice for me," she rolled Batman off of me (it occurred to me that thousands of thirsty fans would have cried blood in envy at my position) and uncuffed me. "Get up, we're going right now."
"Seriously?!" I asked her.
"Night can't get any worse, right?" she asked me. "We go to Sionis, take him down, and then Batman can deal with us. But I
have to put this right."
I looked at her, nodded, and stood up. "Okay, so now we go to the Diamond District?"
"... in a second," Spoiler said, looking at Batman's body then at the cars around us. "I just had an idea."
-=]:[=-
"Okay," I said, "This is back to being the best day of my life."
The Bat-Tank roared through the street, armored frame cutting through the chilling night air a lot better than Spoiler's bike. It was almost too big for the street, and Spoiler's high-speed driving meant that we left a lot of scraped cars.
Fuck it, Batman was already pissed, right?
I still had the bike helmet off, since it was one more thing between me and brain damage and Spoiler had told me it was Bat-Grade. Speaking of, she'd been quiet since we got in the Bat-Tank, just driving across the city with a grip so tight on the steering wheel that her gloves looked like they were about to tear.
"Spoiler?" she didn't react. "Spoiler, talk to me. I gotta know you've got your head in the game here."
"... you heard what he said, right?"
"Huh?"
Spoiler didn't look at me, staring straight ahead. "You heard him. Batman. You heard him say that I started this."
Had he said that? Oh, yeah, during his opening monologue. "Yeah?"
"It's true."
"I figured, you didn't really argue it."
"I took a plan he had and put it in motion, I didn't know that—well, it doesn't matter what I didn't know, but the point is that I started this," Spoiler gestured vaguely at the city, or maybe at the constant sounds of gunshots in the distance. "This is all my fault. I'm the reason Roman Sionis did... whatever he did to you."
"... and why are you telling me this?"
"Because."
"That's not an answer."
"I don't know, okay?!" She snapped, suddenly hitting the brakes and almost sending me forward if not for the Batseatbelts. "I'm telling you because!"
I stared at Spoiler. She met my look.
Very calmly, I took off her helmet, set it on my lap, and grabbed at my jacket's lapel. "See this jacket?"
"Wh- yes, I see it, Azul, I just told you-"
"This jacket was my mom's," I interrupted. "She found it at the thrift store as finished college, and she wore it almost every day for years. My first memories of my mom have her wearing this jacket, and as I understand it, it was one of the first things I used as a blanket.
"Eventually, she decided that she was too old for it, and since I was too small for it, she put it in a safe under her bed."
I let go of the jacket and leaned back on my seat. "That safe was the only thing that survived Black Mask's mob setting my house on fire while I was out buying groceries."
She was nice enough to gasp, even though there must be a million people out there with the exact same story as me. Except for the reincarnation part, I guess.
"Now look, I'll admit that I'd like to be angry at you," I told her. "But that wouldn't get anything done. Neither will my beating the everloving shit out of Black Mask, but unlike with him, you're not to blame."
"Wh-" Spoiler started, but I raised a hand.
"You fucked up, sure. But
you didn't give demand money we didn't have from my mom, and you didn't order the house set on fire, and you sure as hell didn't kill my mom," I looked at her. "Spoiler, as far as I care, your fuck up is your own shit. Everyone else made their choices, and I'm only taking my dues from the ones that chose to fuck with me."
Then, a little awkwardly, added, "Or at least their boss, since I don't know who-"
"Azul," she interrupted, and I saw her eyes bent in a shape that showed her smiling at me. "Thank you."
"... no problem."
I put the helmet back on, she started driving again, and soon enough, we were down the street from the tallest building facing Robinson Park.
-=]:[=-
Author's Note: Welp, them's chapter two.
A few things:
First, because I worry some may ask, Azul is pronounced Ah-ZOOL and Sartore is Sahr-TOH-reh.
Second, there will actually be an in-universe explanation as to why Azul had that much luck. It's planned for within like four story arcs, though, so that might annoy you. Sorry.
Third, my beta reader unfortunately has a life, so if anyone is okay with giving my stories a look and second opinion, I'd appreciate it if you let me know.
