Chapter 6:
Deep in the bowels of one of the biggest toy factories in the City, a large assortment of animals, monsters, and mythical creatures of all shapes and sizes were hard at work on an assembly line, diligently putting together countless GreedCo products one piece at a time to be loaded onto waiting trucks and shipped out to eager children.
Yet despite the wide variety of races on display on the factory floor, one thing they all had in common was how much of a miserable, downtrodden lot they were.
All of them to a man had a rugged, malnourished, or down-on-his-luck look to them, and each and every one of them was wearing an utterly dejected expression on their sweat-soaked faces that plainly said for all to see that they'd rather be anywhere but where they were right now.
But not a single one of them made a move to leave despite how clearly unhappy they were, for they all knew they had nowhere else to go.
Whether it be because of a shady past, poor decisions, or simply an unfortunate streak of bad luck, GreedCo were the only ones left in Town willing to hire them, something the higher-ups gleefully took advantage of to cut corners wherever they could.
While things were admittedly a lot better than they used to be thanks to the efforts of a certain pink rabbit, that still wasn't saying much.
It simply meant that, under increased scrutiny and no longer able to bribe officials into silence, GreedCo was now being forced to meet the absolute bare minimum set forth by labor laws.
The pay was still awful, the hours sucked, the work was hard and unforgiving, benefits were bare bones basic, and Ancestors help you if you were even a second late getting back from lunch or your break.
This last fact was clearly running through the minds of two workers, a tiger and a hippo, as they both kept periodically stealing nervous glances at the empty workstation between them while they continued their own work.
"...Psst. Hey, Gloria," the tiger whispered to the hippo at last, unable to stand the rising tension any longer but still making sure to keep his voice down as he glanced around anxiously. "You got any idea where Hathi is? His break's almost over, if he doesn't get back soon..."
"I know, Ryan," his co-worker whispered back with a fearful look at the clock on Hathi's workstation that was ominously ticking down to the end of his break. "But there's nothing we can do. If we stop to call him our butts will be on the chopping block too. We're just going to have to hope that big lummox can get his butt back here in time."
Ryan grimaced at Gloria's words, but couldn't refute them.
He gave her a reluctant nod before refocusing on his work, continuing to steal increasingly nervous glances at the clock along with the hippo as it slowly continued ticking ever downward, until...
"OUT OF THE WAY!"
The tiger's ears perked up at the frantic shout and he let out a small sigh of relief as he looked to see a large elephant running to the empty workstation as fast as his trunk-like legs could carry him, his clothes soaked with sweat.
Good, he made it. And not a moment too soon, Ryan thought quietly to himself as he shared a quick smile with Gloria.
A smile that instantly vacated his face as the huffing and puffing elephant suddenly bumped into a passing skelewog worker in his haste to get back to work, sending both massive men crashing to the ground in a dazed heap.
The tiger's stomach dropped as he and his hippo co-worker stared at their groaning colleagues in horror for a long moment before his eyes quickly darted to the clock again, and he cursed at what he saw before throwing caution to the wind.
"HATHI HURRY UP!" Ryan bellowed as several other nearby workers and a white-faced Gloria turned at his shout. "YOU'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME!"
Hathi's own face paled and he desperately scrambled to untangle himself from the still dazed skelewog as the last few seconds started ticking down.
...3
The elephant shot to his feet as he finally managed to separate himself from his co-worker and took off at a dead sprint to his workstation as everyone watching looked on in terror.
...2
Hathi frantically fumbled in his pocket for his employee key card as he ran, once again cursing his large, clumsy hands and fingers as he desperately prayed to the Ancestors that he would make it in time.
...1
But it was not to be, for just as the elephant finally reached his workstation and managed to wrench his key card out of his pocket to swipe it, his time ran out.
...0
Hathi froze mid-swipe as a shrill alarm began blaring out of the clock on his workstation.
He stood firmly rooted to the spot in terror and soul-rending dread as red lights flashed and the alarm shrieked, before a booming voice suddenly rang out.
"WHO WAS LATE GETTING BACK TO WORK!?!"
The massive elephant gulped at the furious question and began shaking like a leaf, his sweat-soaked skin pale and clammy as loud, metallic footsteps started echoing throughout the factory floor.
He slowly turned to see a massive, menacing shadow looming on a nearby wall, its owner rapidly approaching.
"Oh no, it's him," Gloria whimpered in fear before she quickly turned back to her workstation and desperately tried to ignore what was about to happen while her tiger colleague gave Hathi a sad look.
"Been nice knowing you big guy," he said quietly before he also turned away from the whimpering elephant.
Closer and closer the footsteps drew, their metallic clacking growing louder by the second as the shadow loomed larger and larger until, finally, just as poor Hathi was about to faint, their owner rounded the corner...
"AHA! SO IT WAS YOU AGAIN! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!"
...to reveal a tiny, foot-high action figure pointing a damning finger at the enormous, terrified elephant.
"I'm so sorry Mr. Zarnot sir! I promise, it'll never happen agai-..." Hathi attempted to apologize profusely, bowing so low his head nearly touched the floor, only to be cut off with an angry scoff as the little black and dark purple robot marched up to him.
"'It'll never happen again!' 'It'll never happen again!' Bah!" Zarnot sneered contemptuously as his huge, grinning teeth, which were supposed to be locked into a permanent smile, somehow morphed into a frown that lit up while he talked. "That's what you always say Hathi! And yet here we are again!"
"But... sir... this is only the first time I've ever been late getting back..." the elephant protested weakly, only to shrink back in fear at his boss's cold glare, the tiny action figure's angry demeanor making him look for all the world like the stereotypical evil robot overlord he was modeled after.
It would actually be quite intimidating... if he wasn't so tiny.
Hathi was plenty intimidated though, especially when Zarnot suddenly activated a pair of jet boots and shot into the air to hover menacingly over the scared elephant.
"And now you're backtalking me! Unbelievable!" the robot shouted as he glared down furiously at his cowering underling with crossed arms. "This might be the first time you've come back late Hathi, but it is far from the first time you've screwed up. And frankly, I'm getting tired of it!"
Hathi meekly opened his mouth to try and defend himself again, only to once more be cut off as the action figure continued his rant.
"I mean, it's been months since you've started working here, and not only are you still constantly missing your weekly quotas, now you can't even be bothered to look at your Ancestors-damned watch!?! Just what is it going to take for you to get with the program you lazy, clumsy oaf!"
As the poor elephant flinched and shrank in on himself under the harsh beratement, several of his nearby co-workers glowered surreptitiously at their boss.
While it was unfortunately true that Hathi often missed his work quotas, it certainly wasn't because of laziness or a lack of trying.
Quite the contrary, the elephant was one of the hardest workers on this floor, and all of his colleagues admired both his strong work ethic and his ceaseless attempts to stay positive despite their lackluster work conditions.
It certainly wasn't his fault that GreedCo's quotas were always so high, or that his large size unfortunately meant Hathi often had to struggle with certain... deficiencies.
"But sir, I really do try my best to meet my quotas. That's why I always work late so much," the elephant said meekly, once again mustering his courage in a valiant attempt to defend himself against his irate superior. "It's just... these big hands of mine make it difficult to fit all the little pieces together sometimes..."
He trailed off with self-directed bitterness as he held out his massive hands and thick, pudgy fingers for his boss to see, only to get a dismissive scoff for his troubles.
"More excuses! I don't care how fat and clumsy your hands are, you big lummox!" the robot growled with a contemptuous glare as Hathi dropped his hands and hung his head dejectedly. "We hired you to do a job, and we expect that job to be done on time Hathi, and the fact that you have to constantly stay over just to keep up with everyone else does not help your case!"
"I understand sir," the elephant answered morosely, head still bowed as the action figure somehow let out a dismissive snort despite lacking a nose.
"I don't think you do," he said acidly with crossed arms as he shook his head in mock disappointment. "Considering you can't even be bothered to make it back from your break on time. Honestly, it's like you don't even appreciate the second chance GreedCo gave you. You don't see me wasting the opportunity this wonderful company gave me when they pulled me out of the gutters after my last defeat by the Hated Yang, now do you?"
"No Mr. Zarnot sir," Hathi replied timidly before he looked up at his boss with pleading eyes. "But I really do appreciate the opportunity GreedCo has given me, honest! That's why I work such long hours to keep this job! I never would have fallen asleep otherwis-..."
The elephant's eyes widened and he clapped his hands over his mouth in horror at what he'd just revealed as his coworkers all gasped in dread and Zarnot froze stiff.
"You were late because you fell ASLEEP!?! THAT'S IT!" he roared in rage as Hathi frantically waved his arms at the incensed action figure.
"N-n-not on purpose I swear!" he choked out desperately as his superior glared down at him murderously, eyes lighting up from a cold blue to a deep, crimson red. "I was just resting my eyes a bit in the break room and nodded off because I was so tired from working late all the time! I would never intentionally sleep on the job, honest!"
"Enough of your pitiful excuses you fat tub of lard!" the robot shouted angrily as he pointed an accusing finger at the huge man, whose face was growing whiter by the second. "I am tired of dealing with your constant whining and I am done trying to make something out of a lazy, ungrateful, pathetic excuse for a worker like you! Now pack your things and get out!"
"No, please, Mr. Zarnot you can't!" the elephant begged pitifully, tears running down his face as he implored his boss for mercy. "I'm barely making the rent as is! If I lose this job I'll starve!"
"And that sounds like it's not my problem!" Zarnot replied coldly as he glared down at the massive man without an ounce of pity in his voice. "If you wanted to be able to keep stuffing your face so badly you should have thought about that before you decided your beauty sleep was more important than your work! Now get out before I have security throw you out! YOU'RE FIRE-...!"
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE MISTER!"
The action figure froze mid-sentence at the familiar voice before whirling around towards the entrance to see two very familiar, and very hated, rabbits glaring at him disapprovingly.
"YOU!" he yelled in outrage as pointed a dramatic finger at the twin warriors.
Yin's eyes narrowed in challenge while Yang merely rolled his.
"Me," the sorceress hissed in affirmation, fists planted firmly on her hips as she gave the enraged robot a disgusted look. "Just what in the Ancestors' names do you think you're doing to that poor man you little-..."
"MY HATED RIVAL! THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE! YANG!" Zarnot shouted over her as he flew right past the blinking spellcaster and got right up in her brother's face, the blue rabbit leaning back slightly as he gazed at his former favorite toy with half-lidded eyes.
"Hello Zarnot," he said casually as he nonchalantly pushed the little robot out of his personal space without a care in the world. "You're looking much better, I see."
"No thanks to you, you overgrown rodent!" the action figure growled accusingly as he glared into the warrior's eyes while the latter just looked back at him blandly. "I spent months as nothing but a head with a single working eye because of you and that blasted girlfriend of yours! I couldn't even scratch my Ancestors-damned nose and everyone in the prison TV Room wouldn't stop sitting on me whenever there was a game on! It was torture!"
"Um, excuse me, did you just completely ignore me?" the pink rabbit asked in a highly offended tone as her brother snorted dismissively at the toy's woes.
"Yeah, well, that's what you get for ruining our big date," Yang shot back coolly with narrowed eyes and crossed arms. "An entire day of nothing but glorious Gopher Beating with my girl, ruined because of that little trap you tried to spring on us. Seriously dude, do you have any idea how difficult it is to set these things up while Lina's still studying to get her degree in Agricultural Engineering? Not cool, bro, not cool."
"Oh, enough of you and that mutt's weird obsession with beating gophers already!" Zarnot snapped in annoyance, causing both rabbits' eyes to narrow dangerously at the insult to their best friend and significant other, respectively. "At least you still have a girlfriend! I've been single ever since you smashed mine to pieces all those years ago!"
"Um, actually, that was me," Yin chimed in testily with an irritated glare at the back of the robot's head as he continued to happily ignore her.
Her brother grinned nastily.
"Girlfriend? Don't you mean your daughter?" the warrior asked loudly as he leaned forward with a savage smile on his face, and all the workers gasped and shot the action figure scandalized and disgusted looks as he started swearing like a sailor.
"I WASN'T BUILT FOR ROMANTIC LOVE OK!" he screamed at the top of his nonexistent lungs in rage and embarrassment while the blue rabbit looked on smugly. "I DIDN'T HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FAMILIES OR RELATIONSHIPS ACTUALLY WORKED AT THE TIME AND IT NEVER REALLY WENT ANYWHERE! IT WAS NO WORSE THAN A DAD TAKING HIS DAUGHTER TO THE PROM!"
"Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night buddy," Yang retorted smarmily, still wearing that insufferably smug smile as the robot steamed and his sister smirked.
"Oh yeah? Well... at least my Zina was able to actually make something of herself once I put her back together after you smashed her!" Zarnot countered triumphantly, a note of pride entering his voice as he completely ignored the scowl that appeared on the sorceress's face at his continued refusal to acknowledge her. "She's a doctor now! Graduated at the top of her class and is working at one of the most prestigious hospitals in the City!"
"Is that so?" the warrior replied with a quirked eyebrow, surprised despite himself at the robot's genuinely proud tone as he shared a glance with his sister. "Well, I guess it's nice to know you're not a complete deadbeat to her, unlike that damn fairy that brought you to life just to teach us a lesson about lying and then completely forgot you even existed."
"Don't remind me," the action figure muttered bitterly before rubbing the back of his head with a sheepish look. "We don't actually talk all that much because of how... awkward things are between us, but at least I still keep an eye on her and give her a call every now and then. Which is far more than I can say for you Yang! You, and only you, are the greatest and sole bane of my existence, and I will never rest until the day you finally PERISH IN FLAMES! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
The blue rabbit stared blankly at his former toy's loud declaration of eternal war and hate as his sister seethed in teeth-grinding fury behind the diminutive villain while he continued to obliviously laugh his head off.
"I am standing. Right here," the sorceress ground out through gritted teeth as she glared daggers at Zarnot while he continued his maniacal laughter, the veins in her temples throbbing dangerously.
"Really?" Yang asked nonchalantly before a wicked smirk crossed his face. "You still want to destroy me, Zarnot? Because I could have sworn you had reformed after GreedCo picked you up and had sworn off that villainous stuff forever."
The robot froze, his diabolical laughter cutting off abruptly as he slowly looked around and suddenly remembered they were surrounded by factory workers listening to their every word, before straightening up and awkwardly coughing up a storm into his fist.
"Erm... yes well... hypothetically, of course," he said sheepishly as everyone's eyes drooped before glaring at his hated nemesis once more. "Isn't that just like you Yang? Coming here all by yourself just to ruin the wonderful thing I've got going on he-..."
"WILL YOU STOP IGNORING ME ALREADY YOU MISERABLE, LOUDMOUTHED EXCUSE FOR A DOLL!?!" the pink rabbit roared at the top of her lungs, her patience finally spent as everyone jumped at her livid shout before the action figure in question scowled furiously and whirled around at the source of the noise.
"I'M AN ACTION FIGURE!" he bellowed back just as loudly before pausing as he looked down and finally noticed the steaming spellcaster glaring up at him with her fists on her hips. "Oh, it's you."
Yin bristled furiously at Zarnot's flat, disinterested tone before he shook his head and turned back to her brother, his frozen smile somehow condescending.
"Really now Yang? This is just sad," he said mockingly as the blue rabbit tensed and eyed his rapidly reddening sister nervously. "You were too scared to come face me yourself so you had to bring your sidekick along here as well? Shameful, utterly shameful."
The workers all gasped and frantically scrambled for cover at the robot's words and even the warrior winced and started backing away hurriedly as his sister's eyes bugged out of her skull.
Both of them hated being called the other's sidekick…
"Sidekick!?! Sidekick!?!" HOW DARE YOU, YOU LOATHSOME PIECE OF PLASTIC!?!" the sorceress screamed in affronted rage, her blazing eyes boring into the action figure's own, who surprisingly seemed completely unconcerned in the face of her wrath. "I AM NO ONE'S 'SIDEKICK'! YANG AND I ARE PARTNERS and EQUALS IN OUR STATUS AS WOO FOO MASTERS AND OUR FIGHT AGAINST THE FORCES OF DARKNESS, AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT! Isn't that right Yang?"
The blue rabbit in question tensed and let out a little gulp at the query as his sister glared warningly at him before quickly nodding and giving her a shaky smile, "Yessis.Whateveryousaysis.Iloveyousis.Don'tkillmepleasesis."
The spellcaster eyed him for a moment before sighing and walking over to give him a few half-mocking, half-affectionate pats on the head.
"Good boy," she said dryly, her sarcastic tone offset by the small, apologetic smile she was giving him and the reassuring look in her eyes as her brother relaxed and let out a long sigh of relief before her face hardened once again and she turned back to Zarnot, who let out a dismissive scoff.
"Please," he sneered coldly, still somehow completely unfazed as the pink rabbit's eyes narrowed into slits and she let out a menacing growl at his dismissive attitude. "The rest of the Town might consider you an equal to that accursed rabbit standing beside you, girl, but as far as I'm concerned, you and the rest of those Woo Foo Fools will never be anything but a footnote in my eternal war against the Hated Yang!"
"Dude, do you have a death wish?" Yang asked quietly with wide eyes as his sister snarled viciously beside him, a small note of awe entering his voice despite himself as he silently marveled at the balls the robot must have to continue blatantly disrespecting his sister to her face like this.
"You mean the 'Eternal War' that's purely hypothetical, right?" Yin hissed acidly, pure venom dripping off every word as the action figure weakly chuckled and rubbed the back of his head at yet another slip-up.
"Yes, of course! Totally hypothetical, no evil plans going on here, no sir! I'm totally reformed, have been ever since GreedCo took me on with that wonderful Work Program of theirs!" Zarnot confirmed cheerfully, frozen smile fixed firmly in place as both siblings looked at him with highly skeptical expressions, before his face suddenly morphed into a frown yet again as the robot pointed an accusing finger at the warrior. "Which is why I won't let you ruin what I'm trying to accomplish here Yang! I've come too far and put too much work into this to let you and your sidekick screw everything up for me now!"
"I WILL RECYCLE YOU INTO A BUNCH OF WATER BOTTLES YOU LITTLE PURPLE BASTARD!"
"Wait, I'm confused," Gloria said as she watched the enraged sorceress hurl a truly staggering amount of abuse and colorful insults at the smug action figure, who was somehow managing to endure the ferocious onslaught with a serene smile on his face. "Isn't she the leader of the P.A.T.J.M.? That activist group that's been a huge thorn in GreedCo's side for several years now?"
"Yeah, she is. Madam Yin's the main reason things here aren't any worse than they already are," Ryan confirmed with a nod of respect towards the pink rabbit. "You'd think the boss would be a bit more concerned about mouthing off to her like that, even if she couldn't kill him or make him wish he were dead in a thousand different ways each."
"Oh, I don't concern myself with stuff like that Ryan," Zarnot chimed in suddenly with an airy wave as the two workers jumped in fright at the unexpected reply, the robot's advanced audio sensors having detected their conversation despite the distance between them and the considerable volume those sensors were being subjected to. "I'm just an engineer. I let our illustrious CEO and incredible legal team worry about such matters."
Yin paused her tirade to glare at him suspiciously for a moment, before a very loud, very familiar, and very hated voice suddenly reached her sensitive ears.
"ALRIGHT! WHAT IN BLAZES IS GOING ON HERE!?!"
Everyone froze at the furious, craggly shout, the workers all whimpering in dread as both rabbits' faces darkened and they scowled at the action figure.
But he merely gazed back at them smugly, arms crossed.
"Well, well, 'speak of the devil, and he shall appear,'" he chuckled in dark satisfaction as the twin masters' scowls deepened. "Took him long enough, I signaled the alert as soon as I saw you two. Though I suppose it can't be helped, old Mammon's getting on in years."
"You were stalling," the blue rabbit growled angrily, hands balling into fists. "Trying to rile my sister up so she'd do something you could pin on her in court."
"Duh, of course I was," Zarnot confirmed with a contemptuous snort while both siblings narrowed their eyes at him dangerously. "I've picked up more than a few tricks during my time here, Yang. Besides, do you honestly think I don't hate your sister as well after fighting the two of you for almost 15 years now? Your brother might still be my most hated enemy Yin, but I can assure you, sidekick, that you are a close second, and one day, I'll make you pay as well."
"Good to know," the sorceress snarled back in an ice-cold voice while she furiously berated herself for letting Zarnot of all people play her like a fool. "It's such a shame your clever little ploy didn't work though Zarnot, because now, I promise you that this will never happen again."
The robot's frozen smile only widened.
"We'll see about that," he replied ominously, chuckling to himself as the two warriors reluctantly turned away from him to face the approaching CEO, a small, elderly, red-skinned demon with a pair of prominent horns and a sharp business suit.
He was flanked by two thin, shady-looking dragon lawyers and a pair of burly, thuggish rhino guards.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, SOME KIND OF FAMILY GET TOGETHER!?! WHY ARE ALL YOU JACK-OFFS JUST STANDING AROUND!?! GET BACK TO WORK NOW!" Mammon roared at the top of his lungs as he furiously looked around at the frozen workers, who all jumped and frantically scrambled back to their workstations. "LAZY, UNGRATEFUL, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SLACKERS! I OUGHT TO FIRE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU FUC-..."
The old demon's tirade was abruptly cut off as he finally spotted the twin warriors and his smugly grinning engineer, and his eyes bulged out of his sockets as his skin somehow turned an even redder shade than it already was.
He glared so fiercely at the two siblings it was a wonder they didn't disintegrate into atoms right then and there.
"You..." the businessman snarled ferociously, eyes laser-focused on the pink rabbit.
"Me," Yin snarled right back, voice filled with derision and pure, utter contempt as she locked gazes with the elderly tycoon and began slowly walking towards him as well, the air between them so thick with hatred and barely restrained violence it was a wonder lightning wasn't crackling back and forth from their eyes.
Mammon's guards and lawyers slowly backed away from the two approaching enemies, and in all honesty, despite his own contempt for GreedCo, Yang couldn't blame them as he trailed behind his sister and eyed her with apprehension.
The sorceress had been locked in a grueling war with the old demon and his company for years now, fearlessly leading the charge along with the rest of the P.A.T.J.M. as they tirelessly worked to bring his wretched company down, and her battles with the businessman were legendary.
While Mammon was far from the most powerful or dangerous opponent the pink rabbit had ever faced, even accounting for the vast resources at his disposal, he was undoubtedly the one she despised the most for how he ruthlessly exploited the luckless, the downtrodden, and the children she loved so much without an ounce of shame or remorse, all to line his pockets as much as possible.
As far as she was concerned, getting rich on the broken dreams and backs of children and those that had nowhere else to go was unforgivable, and the fact that the old demon and his company had once tried, and nearly succeeded, to turn her beloved brother into another one of their soulless, money-grubbing spokesmen had not helped matters.
Ever since the day they had first thwarted the businessman's scheme to use the warrior to milk the Town's children dry all those years ago, Yin had sworn that she would do everything in her power to bring Mammon and his corrupt business down and see him behind bars, and while it might have taken a while, by all accounts she had made significant progress in making good on that promise.
When, as a kid, the sorceress had first tried to start her group in an ill-advised attempt to both take a stand against GreedCo and bring her brother to his senses, Mothers Against That Jerk Yang had been nothing more than a loose collection of well-meaning but scatter-brained mothers more concerned with coupons, gossip, and picking a better name than actually taking the fight to the company that was selling hilariously dangerous toys to their kids.
Now though, thanks to the hard-earned respect, experience, and wisdom the pink rabbit had gained since then, along with the support of her brother, Parents Against That Jerk Mammon had grown into a formidable, well-respected, and well-organized activist group of concerned parents passionately fighting against GreedCo's corruption and constant attempts to exploit their children, even if the group still could probably use a better name.
Ever since the twin rabbits had truly grown into their own as world-renowned Heroes and guardians of the land, Yin had ruthlessly exploited her and her brother's newfound goodwill to draw people and popular support to her cause, and her fierce intelligence, studious nature, experience with trickily worded spells, and sheer, bloody-minded determination had made her more than a match for even the most highly-paid and underhanded of GreedCo's lawyers in the courtroom.
A fact that was readily apparent as the two snakes at the old demon's side were regarding her with looks that were both fearful and begrudgingly respectful.
The sorceress had used her formidable gifts and glowing reputation to great effect in exposing GreedCo's more blatant corruption and forcing them to at least kowtow to basic safety and labor laws to avoid being destroyed by an endless stream of fines and lawsuits.
Unfortunately, that was where the pink rabbit's success had ended.
While her and her brother's status as near-universally beloved Town Heroes, her surprising legal savviness, and their immense power meant it was almost impossible for the businessman and his lawyers to frame or "dispose of" the two siblings or sway the public against them, the elderly tycoon and his legal team were still crafty and well-connected opponents with a lot of money to throw around.
Nothing the P.A.T.J.M. tried had ever managed to truly stick, resulting in a bitter stalemate that left both sides incredibly frustrated.
Not helping matters was the fact that Mammon's bottomless greed combined with the sheer, bullheaded stubbornness that came with old age gave him a level of determination that easily rivaled Yin's own, and whenever the old demon's unparalleled selfishness clashed with the sorceress's raging Maternal Protectiveness in Court, the resulting arguments were so fierce and violent they shook the courthouse to its very foundations and left even the hardened, centuries-old Justice Orb quaking in fear.
So much so that, after one particularly ferocious battle between the two, the High Judge had decreed in no uncertain terms that the blue rabbit was to be present at any and all Court Hearings involving the businessman and the pink rabbit from that moment forth, for he was the only one that had any hope of actually restraining his sister if she ever lost control.
This was something Yang had happily agreed to, not only for everyone's safety and to give his sister moral support, but also because he found her verbal duels with the elderly tycoon fucking hilarious, to the point he treated them like one would a major sporting event.
Every time he was summoned to a Court Hearing he would gather up as many of his buddies as he could and gleefully take advantage of the fact the Justice Orb couldn't actually throw them out to bring snacks, drinks, T-Shirts, Foam Fingers, and the whole nine yards so they could enjoy the show and cheer Yin on as she and her allies went into battle against Mammon and his lawyers whilst simultaneously booing and jeering at his sister's opposition.
It annoyed the High Judge and the old demon to no end, of course, which was part of the fun, and the sorceress herself was always torn between exasperation and being legitimately touched by her brother and her friends' enthusiastic, if strange, support.
Especially when Coop was there.
The chicken always cheered the loudest alongside the warrior himself, and it was no coincidence that those were also the times the pink rabbit tended to fight with the most fire in her heart.
Still, as fun as those hearings were for him, the blue rabbit still couldn't deny how bitter and intense his sister's arguments with the businessman got, or how much the two absolutely despised each other, and there had been more than a few times he had actually almost had to step in during some of their battles.
Which unfortunately meant that he once again had to be the responsible one today, and so as Yin and Mammon came to a stop a short distance away from each other, Yang let out an annoyed sigh, steeled his face, and quickly stepped forward to put a hand on his sister's shoulder.
He returned her quizzical look with a concerned and questioning gaze, nodding his head slightly in the fuming demon's direction.
A silent conversation passed between them before the sorceress's face softened and she inclined her head to him, a promise in her eyes.
The warrior gave her a satisfied nod in turn and stepped back as the pink rabbit once again turned to regard the businessman like a particularly disgusting bug she'd just found under her shoe.
"What the fuck are you doing in one of my factories you filthy little skank!?!" Mammon hissed furiously, getting straight to the point as the blue rabbit bristled and his sister's nostrils flared at the shamelessly vulgar insult. "I thought I made it clear that you and that worthless, empty-headed brother of yours were banned from ever setting foot on any of GreedCo's properties? I'll have your hides for this if you two don't have a very good excuse to hide behind."
"Mammon, charming as ever I see," Yin replied frostily as she put her hands on her hips and glared down at the old demon with disdain. "You can insult me all you want, but please do not insult my intelligence or my brother. You should know by now that I'd never show up to one of your disgusting factories without coming prepared."
She snapped her fingers and an official looking document with the Justice Orb's signature appeared in her hands and she held it out for the businessman to see.
"We have a Search Warrant. Signed by the High Judge himself," the sorceress said smugly, letting out a dark smirk as the elderly tycoon snatched it out of her unresisting hands and started swearing up a storm as his eyes flew over the paper in enraged disbelief.
"AGAIN!?! How the hell do you damn brats keep getting these fucking things!?!" Mammon yelled furiously as he glared at them and gripped the paper so tightly it nearly crumpled into a ball.
"You're not the only one with connections you old goat," Yang chimed in with an insufferable smile as he and his sister shared a knowing look and the old demon scowled.
"Cute. And you two have the balls to call me a hopelessly corrupt hypocrite," he growled in annoyance before shooting the still-grinning warrior a dark look. "Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, since you can't even be bothered to honor your contracts, boy."
The blue rabbit opened his mouth to respond, only to freeze as his sister suddenly whispered something in his ear, talking behind her hand so her hated enemy and his snakes couldn't lip read what she was saying, and a confident smirk crossed his face as he gave her a thankful nod.
"Ok, first of all, I was just an idiot kid when I agreed to advertise for you. Second of all, that contract wasn't even worth using to wipe my furry blue ass with since I was a minor at the time and Master Yo never signed it," he countered matter-of-factly as his sister giggled and smirked at the businessman who narrowed his sickly yellow eyes. "And finally, I told you before, your last check bounced, and I don't tell corporate lies for free. Would you ever do anything for free Mammon?"
The elderly tycoon snorted at the question.
"Touche, you little shit, touche," he replied in begrudging acknowledgement before glaring at his former spokesperson once again. "Don't think that'll get you off the hook though. I'll still get you for walking out on your contract one of these days, mark my words. Nobody breaks a deal with me."
"Yeah, assuming you don't croak first," Yang shot back with a roll of the eyes before giving him an incredulous look. "Seriously, you were already 90 friggin years old when we first met 14 years ago. How the hell are you even still breathing, let alone walking around and running a company? You're no Night Master, and you're certainly no Woo Foo Warrior."
"SHEER WILLPOWER, BOY!" Mammon shouted triumphantly as he pointed a dramatic finger at the two siblings, who both quirked highly skeptical eyebrows at him. "When I was just an imp I swore that I'd one day become the richest man that ever walked this planet, and not even Death itself will stop me from keeping that promise! HAHAHAHA!"
The old demon continued laughing maniacally for a bit while the twin warriors watched him silently with half-lidded eyes, before he suddenly froze as he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see a shadowy, wraith-like figure with a business suit and briefcase giving him an expectant look.
"...Ahem. Well that, plus diet, exercise, and the wonderful health care provided by my friends here," the businessman said with an awkward laugh before nervously pulling out a fat wad of cash that the wraith snatched up before disappearing.
The old man turned to give the thoroughly unimpressed rabbits an innocent smile.
"GreedCodoesnotendorseorcondonemakingdealsoragreementsofanykindwiththeForcesofDarkness."
The spellcaster ignored the lightning-fast disclaimer as she continued boring a hole into Mammon's skull, her disapproving gaze actually succeeding in making the usually tough-as-nails demon sweat a little this time, before a wicked smile suddenly crossed her face and she shared a darkly amused look with her brother.
"Whatever," she said with a contemptuous snort as she turned back to the businessman, face once again schooled into an expressionless mask even though her eyes still held that same malicious glee. "Your 'health insurance' is no concern of mine, Mammon. My brother and I are here today to investigate this facility for evidence of any crimes or wrongdoing, nothing more."
Mammon and his lawyers eyed the pink rabbit warily, suspicious that their bitter rival had not gleefully pounced on the opportunity to make them look bad and tear them a new one, before the old demon snorted and put it out of his mind.
"Well, I can't stop you because of that thrice-damned Search Warrant, but you're wasting your time! You'll find no wrongdoing at this fine, upstanding facility! Especially not after all the reforms I've implemented!" he declared confidently, flashing a smug smirk as Yin and the warrior's eyes both narrowed. "And furthermore, I'll not have you two brats harassing my Chief Engineer and disrupting my workers!"
The blue rabbit snorted in disbelief.
"Oh please! Us harass him!?! That guy's a-...!" he began hotly, only to cut himself off as his sister frantically whispered in his ear once again, and he let out an explosive sigh before giving her a disbelieving look.
"Oh, come on Yin!" Yang whined petulantly as he glared sullenly at Zarnot, who merely looked back smugly. "He's a genius with robots and tech that used killer toys all the time in the past! And now he's working as the Chief Engineer at a toy factory for the scummiest company in Town! How could he not be...!"
The sorceress cut him off with a stern look and a finger to his lips before whispering in his ear a third time, and her brother listened with a stone-faced expression before letting out another explosive exhale and giving a begrudging nod at her words.
"As per the terms of the Search Warrant, we have the legal authorization to question the employees of this facility. However, Zarnot's history as a former villain will not factor into our choosing to question him. I apologize if I gave that impression," the warrior said in a dull, monotone tone of voice, glowering sullenly at the robot, businessman, and their stooges as they all gave him insufferably self-satisfied smiles.
"You bet your keister you better apologize boy!" Mammon crowed in savage delight as the blue rabbit's scowl deepened and he crossed his arms with a huff. "Zarnot here is one of the finest engineers that's ever worked at this company! We're lucky to have him!"
"Thank you sir!" the action figure said cheerfully as he preened like a peacock.
Yang's face darkened even further and he opened his mouth to deliver a scathing retort, but he snapped it shut and let out a defeated sigh as he remembered his sister's words.
"Of course," the old demon continued in that same smug tone as both warriors turned and glared at him once again. "I'd expect nothing less from our incredible Villain Rehabilitation Work Program! GreedCodoesnotguaranteethesuccessfulrehabilitationofanyvillainsandisinnowayresponsibleforanycrimestheymayormaynotcommitwhiletakingpartintheworkprogram."
Snorting disdainfully at yet another one of the businessman's lightning-fast disclaimers, the pink rabbit stepped forward with a severe frown on her face.
"Be that as it may," she said icily as she crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Zarnot in open contempt. "I do believe you might need to give your 'incredible work program' a few revisions Mammon. While it's true that we cannot, by law, hold your Chief Engineer's past actions against him, that does not mean he is exempt from our questioning. Especially if we find probable cause to suspect him of any further wrongdoing, and the behavior we witnessed from him upon entering this facility was... disturbing to say the least."
"What are you talking about you brat?" Mammon growled with a challenging glare as Yin huffed and glared right back.
"What I am talking about, Chief Executive Officer, is how your 'reformed' Chief Engineer was abusing and humiliating this poor man in front of all his co-workers!" she snapped furiously as she pointed at Hathi, who had thus far been attempting to remain as inconspicuous as possible.
He paled at the sudden attention before, noticing his distress, both rabbits stepped protectively in front of him, much to his visible relief as the spellcaster continued. "That hardly seems like the behavior of someone who's truly repented and left his villainous ways behind!"
But the robot merely laughed at the sorceress's accusation before giving her a mocking smile.
"Seriously? Is that really the best you can do, sidekick? I expected more from the 'feared leader' of the P.A.T.J.M.," he said with a dismissive wave as the pink rabbit's eyes narrowed dangerously. "If you had been putting up with that oversized screwup as long as I have you wouldn't be acting any different."
"I highly doubt that, Zarnot," she hissed venomously, hands on her hips and eyes flashing as she gave the action figure a murderous look that had the two lawyers nervously tugging at their collars. "But please, do enlighten me on how you justify that disgusting display we saw earlier."
"Simple, he sucks at this job!" Zarnot replied cheerfully as he pointed a damning finger at the elephant, who flinched violently and hung his head in shame at the accusation. "Not only was he late getting back to work because he fell asleep, he also has the worst job performance of anyone on this floor! He's been having to constantly work late for months now just to meet his quota, and frankly I'm tired of dealing with his piss poor work performance. I was just doing what I should have done a long time ago!"
The twin rabbits' faces fell at that as the old demon began cackling in glee and Hathi shivered in terror at what he knew was coming.
The businessman turned toward him with a savage smile.
"Is that so? Excellent work, Zarnot!" The demon laughed maniacally as the robot one again preened at the praise before Mammon's face suddenly twisted into an ugly, hateful look.
He glared at the cowering elephant like he was the most loathsome, disgusting thing the elderly tycoon had ever laid eyes on. "Well, if that is indeed the case... THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING ON MY PROPERTY YOU FAT TUB OF LARD!?! PACK YOUR THINGS AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
"STOP RIGHT THERE, MAMMON!" Yin roared just as loudly as she shot poor Hathi a reassuring look before locking eyes with the old demon and matching the intensity of his hateful glare with a murderous look of her own. "I demand to see proof of Zarnot's claims before you go one step further!"
"Coming right up!" the action figure replied cheerfully as he flew away for a few moments, leaving the sorceress and the businessman locked in their furious staring contest, neither moving so much as a muscle, before the robot returned with two neat stacks of paper. "Here you go, sidekick. Read it and weep!"
Angrily snatching one stack with a growl at the insult, the sorceress rapidly flipped through them, her eyes flying over the pages as Mammon did the same, before her face darkened into a ferocious scowl as she viciously crumpled the papers and looked up to glare bitterly at the triumphantly grinning demon.
"Damn you..." she snarled, a foreboding echo in her voice as her eyes lit up ominously and the magical pressure in the area spiked while she trembled in impotent rage. "Damn both of you..."
"Now, now, there's no need for that," Zarnot admonished in that same cheerful tone as he fearlessly stared down the livid spellcaster with barely disguised glee. "I'm just doing my job, after all."
"Indeed you are Zarnot. You've done your job to the letter, unlike this useless lump of flesh." The businessman turned to the fuming pink rabbit with a wicked grin. "Which means this time, you have no leg to stand on, girl, Search Warrant or no Search Warrant."
"Dude, what is wrong with you?" the warrior cut in with disgusted disbelief as he gazed at the elderly tycoon with pure, unrestrained contempt on his face. "If you fire him he's probably going to starve to death or get shanked in an alley somewhere, and you're happy about that!?! Just so you can get a cheap shot at my sister!?!"
"One less worthless fatass to worry about," Mammon scoffed cruelly with a dismissive wave as Hathi burst into tears and the blue rabbit gave him a sympathetic look. "Honestly you should be thanking me. With the amount of food that'll be freed up once that lardball bites it you could probably feed a family of five."
Yin's hands balled into trembling fists as the elephant's sobbing grew even louder.
"You foul, loathsome, evil little beast," she ground out through clenched teeth, shaking with anger as the old demon somehow managed to stare into the burning, hellish pits that were her eyes with nothing but a cocky smirk. "With the Ancestors as my witness, I swear that one of these days I will see you rotting behind bars for the rest of what little remains of your wretched, pathetic excuse for a life if it's the last thing I do!"
But the businessman merely snorted and rolled his eyes at the spellcaster's dire promise.
"You've been spewing those same old empty words for years now girl, they've gotten even more ancient than I am. And yet, I'm still here," Mammon countered in a bored voice before flashing a wicked smile at the incensed rabbits. "And I promise you, both of you, that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
Both warrior's eyes narrowed dangerously at the elderly tycoon as he chuckled darkly before turning to the still sobbing Hathi.
"Please, don't...," the elephant began to beg pitifully, only to be immediately cut off by a sharp gesture and a cruel glare.
"Save your breath boy. You're done, and there's nothing your precious little heroes can do to save you," the old demon spat, his face twisting at the word "heroes" as if it were the most disgusting word he'd ever heard, before lighting up with malicious glee as he threw one last smug look at his furious enemy before sealing the elephant's fate. "Pack your things and get out of my building. You're fired."
Hathi hung his head and all the life and color drained out of him at the businessman's words as if he'd just announced the elephant's execution.
He slowly began making his way to the exit like a man about to face the gallows, robotically putting one massive foot in front of the other with his dead, soulless eyes staring straight ahead, before he suddenly felt a small, but incredibly strong grip take hold of his massive hand.
Looking down, he saw the sorceress smiling up at him with a kind, reassuring expression before her face hardened once again as she turned to face the elderly tycoon.
"That's where you're wrong, Mammon," she corrected, before favoring him with a smug, vindictive smile of her own, echoed by her brother's grin behind her. "For it just so happens I'm currently searching for someone to help me with my work at the Library, and I think Hathi here would make a wonderful Assistant."
Hathi's jaw dropped as Yang laughed his head off at the enraged and incredulous look on the old demon's face.
The elephant turned to stare at the spellcaster in disbelief.
"R-Really Madam Yin? You'd actually hire someone like me?" the elephant asked in hopeless confusion, unable to comprehend why one of the City's and world's greatest Champions would ever bother to employ a worthless pile of fat like himself.
But the pink rabbit merely gave the massive man another one of those kind smiles as she nodded in affirmation.
"Absolutely," she answered in a warm voice with zero hesitation. "For the longest time I've thought that I'd be able to run my Library all by myself thanks to my magic, but recent events have shown me that it would probably be a good idea to hire an extra pair of hands to have around just in case. And seeing just how hard you worked to keep this job despite your... 'difficulties' with it, I can tell you're someone I'd be able to rely on to keep things running smoothly whenever I have to go take care of other business, Hathi. You'd be perfect for the position."
Hathi stared at her for the longest time, tears welling in his eyes as he was overwhelmed by her kindness, before cold, hard reality crashed down on him yet again and his face fell as his shoulders slumped in despair.
"You're very kind Madam Yin, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your offer," he replied earnestly as he wiped his eyes clean before giving her a sad look as he stared at his massive, clunky hands bitterly. "But it wouldn't work. I'm just too damn big to be working in a Library handling books and documents and all that jazz. I'd probably be constantly knocking over bookcases just trying to get around, and I certainly don't want to be causing you that kind of trouble. Please understand, it's not you, it's me, my size..."
"Will not be a problem," Yin interrupted with a reassuring look as the elephant looked at her in surprise and more than a little skepticism. "Contrary to what you might believe, I know exactly what you're going through Hathi."
Hathi blinked as he slowly looked over the comparatively tiny and slender rabbit woman.
"...You do?" he asked finally, clearly trying very hard to keep the blatant disbelief out of his voice as the sorceress merely chuckled in amusement and nodded her head.
"I do," she answered earnestly with a wry grin. "Paige, one of my oldest and closest friends, is an elephant just like you. She's like a sister to me, and she struggled with many of the same issues you're going through now."
The elephant's face cleared at that and he nodded in understanding as the pink rabbit's grin widened.
"She also happens to be the Head Chef at one of the most high profile restaurants in town. I always get a nice discount whenever me and Coop go on a date there," she continued casually, letting out a good-natured giggle at the gobsmacked expression on Hathi's face as his jaw hit the floor.
"T-The Head Chef!?!" he sputtered with wide eyes, unable to believe what he'd just heard. "But... that's impossible! A job like that would require a lot of..."
"Dexterity?" Yin finished knowingly, a gentle smile on her face at the elephant's hesitant nod. "Exactly. Like I said, Paige struggled with the exact same problem you are now, but she didn't let that stop her. She worked day and night to improve her fine control and learn how to manage her size so she could follow her dream of one day becoming a Master Chef, and look where she is now. And if she can do it, then so can you Hathi, and I'm sure she'd be more than happy to show you some of the tricks she's learned."
"And even if she can't," the warrior cut in as he walked up to stand by his sister's side and give the stunned elephant a confident smirk, "I'm sure my sister will be able to figure out some other way to help you. So don't worry big guy. Yin's the smartest person I've ever known. She'll take care of you."
"Awwww!" the sorceress cooed with hearts in her eyes at her brother's words before planting a big kiss on his cheek, much to the blue rabbit's annoyance and the disgust of the businessman and his flunkies. "You are so sweet Yang!"
Yang grumbled as he furiously rubbed his cheek before a mischievous grin crossed his face as his sister's smile weakened.
"Just make sure you promise me that you'll do your best to take care of her too," he continued casually as he addressed the still frozen Hathi with a knowing smirk. "She has a really bad habit of trying to do everything herself and can be as stubborn as a mule sometimes. Me and the rest of our friends have been trying to convince her for ages to hire a damn Assistant for the Library and it's only now after the fiasco with Smoke and Mirrors that she's finally caved. It can be really annoying to deal with, so make sure you're prepared and call me if it ever gets too bad. I'll set her head back on straight."
The pink rabbit's smile became much tighter at that, a noticeable twitch in her eye as Mammon and his stooges all snickered despite themselves and even the elephant had to fight down a laugh before she took a deep breath.
"Thank you, Yang, it's always nice to see how much you care," she forced out through clenched teeth, that painful-looking smile still in place as her brother smirked at her, before she turned back to address Hathi, her face softening considerably in the process.
"So, what do you say Hathi?" Yin asked as she held out a hand to the elephant, tone kind and gentle once more. "Would you like to come be my Assistant at the Library?"
The massive man stared at the appendage for a long while, still unable to believe this was happening to him, before slowly, tentatively, as if afraid it would disappear if he moved too fast, he grasped her hand in his own, completely enveloping it, and gave a hesitant shake.
"If you'll really have me," he began slowly, gaining more speed and confidence as the sorceress gave him a smile and a firm nod, "then I would be honored to come work for you, Madam Yin."
The spellcaster beamed at the elephant while her brother threw another mocking smirk at the fuming demon and his underlings, before she pulled out her cell phone.
"Excellent," she replied cheerfully as she motioned for Hathi to take out his own phone. "Just give me your number and I'll call you as soon as I can for an interview so we can get you started, ok big guy?"
The elephant nodded and eagerly did as he was told before giving the grinning rabbit woman a radiant smile of his own.
"Thank you Madam Yin," he choked out happily, tears of joy flowing freely down his face as he desperately searched for the words to properly convey his boundless gratitude through the overwhelming torrent of emotions assaulting him. "Thank you so much. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you for this..."
But Yin merely shook her head and gave the massive man a warm smile as she floated up to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"There's no need to thank me Hathi," she said graciously as she looked deep into his eyes with a kind look. "I'm a Woo Foo Warrior, so it's my job to help others in need in any way that I can, and not just by beating up bad guys either. Besides, I'm still going to expect you to work hard and be able to take care of the Library in my absence. I run a tight ship, after all."
"Understatement of the century. I hope you like checklists, big guy," the warrior quipped behind her, earning himself a confused look from Hathi and yet another stink eye from his sister, before flashing a more genuine smile and thumbs up at the elephant. "But hey, after seeing how hard a worker you are, I'm sure that if anyone can learn to deal with my sister's 'quirks' it's you."
Still slightly confused, the elephant nonetheless gave a small smile and nod at the blue rabbit's encouraging words while his sister grumbled petulantly.
"I'll keep that in mind Mr. Yang," Hathi replied with good-natured amusement before giving the grumpy sorceress a grateful smile. "Thank you again for the wonderful opportunity Madam Yin. I promise I'll do everything I possibly can to be the best Assistant you could ever ask for."
The pink rabbit's face softened considerably at that and she returned the elephant's smile with one of her own.
"I'm sure you will Hathi," she replied warmly before glancing at the still steaming businessman and giving a slight frown. "But I'm afraid I still have business with your former 'employer' I need to attend to, so you go on and get out of here and I'll get back to you soon."
Hanthi nodded in understanding.
"Of course, Madam Yin," he replied agreeably with a bow towards her and her brother. "I look forward to working with you and hope to hear from you soon. Goodbye, and good luck dealing with that miserly old geezer."
Mammon bristled at that, but the elephant merely gave him a cheerful look before he walked away laughing, a merry spring in his step as he flipped the old demon the bird while Yang chuckled and Yin cracked a smug, vindictive smirk.
"Damn you to the darkest pits of the Underworld you bitch," the businessman snarled in a quiet, utterly livid voice as he glared bloody murder at the sorceress, whose grin only widened at the furious insult. "You deny me even this small victory?"
"You got that right Mammon," the pink rabbit answered with vicious cheerfulness before her face twisted into an ugly scowl and she glared back at her hated rival with an equally scornful look. "I told you before, whether it be in matters big or small, I will never stop opposing you until my dying breath if necessary. Never."
Mammon's face darkened even further at that promise as his eyes narrowed into slits, before he let out a disdainful huff and waved contemptuously at the twin warriors.
"Just conduct your damned investigation already and get out of my factory," he growled coldly as Yin narrowed her eyes at him.
"Gladly," she hissed as she and her brother both ignited their magic in preparation to cast the strongest searching and detection spells they knew.
Unfortunately for the twin rabbits, despite their powerful magic and steadfast determination in sweeping the factory from top to bottom, neither of them were able to find anything incriminating of note, and their questioning didn't go much better.
Not only did Mammon, Zarnot, or anyone else of note in the company's ranks stonewall them at every turn, giving only what information was legally required of them and not a word more, but trying to coax answers out of the ordinary rank-and-file workers also unfortunately proved to be a largely fruitless endeavor.
Because as much as most of them admired the two warriors and as much as they clearly hated both their jobs and their bosses, the vast majority of the factory workers were far too terrified of the old demon and losing their only source of income, meager as it was, to give much information in spite of the sorceress's constant assurances that the businessman could not legally retaliate against them for cooperating with her and her brother's investigation and that she would happily skin him alive in court on their behalf if he did.
Even when they were able to find someone brave enough to say something bad about the company, it was of no use, for as miserable and lackluster as the pay and work conditions were, they were all within perfectly legal boundaries and thus useless in court.
So, as much as it saddened and infuriated them to let such injustices go unpunished, the twin Masters had no choice but to concede defeat, and it was with a heavy heart that they bade the beleaguered workers goodbye and good luck before turning around to face the smugly grinning businessman and his stooges.
"I told you two you were wasting your time," he crowed in immense self-satisfaction as the two siblings glowered furiously at him. "There's no way GreedCo would ever allow any wrongdoing to occur at any of our fine establishments! Especially at one of our largest and most advanced facilities!"
The pink rabbit narrowed her eyes and growled angrily at the elderly tycoon's faux-sincere tone and hilariously fake smile of innocence while her brother snorted explosively in utter contempt and disbelief.
"This isn't over, Mammon," she hissed coldly, pure venom dripping off every word as she stared down her hated foe. "Remember, I will never stop hunting you. One of these days, you'll slip up, and when you do, I'll be there waiting to drag you kicking and screaming into the deepest, darkest hole we can find to rot for the rest of your sad, miserable life. I swear it on my honor as a Woo Foo Master."
"And I'll be right there alongside her," the warrior beside her chimed in ominously with an ice cold glare of his own at Mammon, who let out a dismissive scoff, thoroughly unimpressed by the dire threats.
"Sticks and Stones, you little brats. Sticks and Stones," he countered smarmily, that infuriatingly smug smile still in place as both twins bristled, before his face morphed into an ugly scowl as he matched their cold, hateful glares with one of his own. "Now, I do believe your investigation is over and that we've satisfied all legal obligations your Search Warrant requires of us. So get the fuck off my property, and don't let the door hit you on the way out."
Yin and her brother glared at him for a moment longer before, with one last disdainful huff, they both teleported away in a flash of light and the old demon snorted in satisfaction.
"About damn time they left," he growled in annoyance before dismissing his lawyers and guards with a wave and motioning for Zarnot to follow him. "Walk with me Zarnot."
The robot nodded and fell in line beside his superior as they walked away from the factory workers to a more inconspicuous area of the factory.
"I apologize for any delays this might cause sir. I'll make certain the quotas are met, even if I have to work those useless slackers to the bone in order to do it," he promised the businessman, who merely waved him off absent-mindedly.
"You have nothing to apologize for, Zarnot. You're not the one who barged in here uninvited and wasted everyone's time with useless questions," Mammon assured him airily, before suddenly giving him a dark look that had the action figure metaphorically sweating. "Nevertheless, I still expect those quotas to be made on time. I don't care what you have to do to make that happen as long as it's not something that thrice-damned harlot can use against us in court, just get it done. Am I clear?"
"Yes sir," Zarnot replied nervously with a shaky salute as the old demon continued staring into his soul for a few seconds longer before finally nodding in satisfaction and turning away, much to the robot's relief.
"Good. Now that that's settled, tell me, how goes the progress on Project Birthday Surprise?" the businessman asked lightly, voice casual once more as the action figure brightened up considerably at the question, his frozen smile growing wider.
"Outstanding sir!" Zarnot answered cheerfully, his voice full of dark enthusiasm as his boss let out a sadistic little chuckle beside him. "Admittedly it was a challenge setting up the facility in secret and establishing a secure supply line, but now that we have things have been progressing smoothly and the project should be completed on schedule."
A truly savage, evil smile split Mammon's face and he gave a cruel laugh at the news.
"Excellent!" he crowed in malicious glee as he turned to give his Chief Engineer an approving nod. "You've done well, Zarnot. With any luck, once Project Birthday Surprise is completed I'll finally be rid of that accursed little harpy once and for all! And, as promised, once his sister is dead, the boy will be yours to do with as you please."
The robot let out a menacing chuckle of his own at that as his frozen smile widened cruelly and he retracted one of his hands to be replaced by a vicious hooked prong.
"Oh trust me sir," he said wickedly as the prong began to crackle and spark with electricity, casting an ominous light over both their faces. "I've had a long, long time to plan out my 'reunion' with Yang. It'll be just like old times! Except now, it'll be my turn to play with him instead."
Both villains cackled maniacally as they walked deeper into the factory's depths, thoughts of power and revenge filling their heads as they could practically taste the victory that had been denied them so long.
One thing was for sure.
Yin and Yang both had a very big Surprise waiting for them in their future.
***
Elsewhere, Yin and Yang reappeared in a flash of light and began walking to their next destination, the sorceress angrily stomping her way forward while muttering a vicious stream of foul curses and dark promises under her breath.
The warrior at her side eyed her in concern.
"Take it easy sis," he said finally after letting his sister vent for a bit, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I know it sucks that we weren't able to find any dirt on Mammon, but we always knew it was going to be a long shot. That old bastard hasn't lasted this long against you by being stupid, after all. And hey, we still got some contact information from a few of them! So… maybe they'll have something good for us when we can talk to them without old Mammon and his attack dogs breathing down their necks?"
The pink rabbit just stared at her brother sullenly for a long moment as the weaponsmaster coughed into his fist and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly at her flat gaze.
"You're right, that is a pipe dream," he muttered awkwardly as his sister let out an explosive sigh as all the anger and irritation seemed to bleed out of her to be replaced by a deep sadness.
"I knew it was a long shot, Yang," she finally replied in a quiet, mournful voice, her expression full of sorrow and worry.
She hugged herself while she walked, and her brother put his arm around her to give his sibling some much needed comfort as the spellcaster continued. "It just breaks my heart and infuriates me to the core of my being to see that curmudgeonly old fucker keep getting away with exploiting those poor people to make his damnable products so he can keep milking the sweet, innocent children of this City dry. It makes me so angry I can hardly think straight! I hate him, Yang! I hate him so much!"
The blue rabbit just sighed and shook his head as his sister let out another ferocious growl, her eyes lighting up in fury, before he gave her a gentle squeeze and a sympathetic look.
"It's ok sis, you'll get him one day," he said with absolute confidence in his voice as he flashed a cocky grin at his sister, who gave him a small, appreciative smile in return. "Like you said, he's going to slip up eventually, and when he does we'll be right there waiting to take him down once and for all. And if we can't, then I'm sure Katie and the rest of the P.A.T.J.M. will happily do it in our place."
Yin let out a chuckle and a fond smile at the thought of her right-hand woman in her fight against Mammon and his company.
Katie might not have had the raw power and prestige that the spellcaster enjoyed, and she might still only be a lawyer-in-training at the moment, but the lioness had still proven herself to be every bit as fierce, intelligent, and passionate as her surrogate sister in the courtroom, and an invaluable asset to the P.A.T.J.M.
She was still a loving mother defending her child from those who would seek to do Sarah harm, after all, and Katie's ever-growing knowledge of law and constant tutoring was another big reason the sorceress had grown so legally savvy herself.
There was absolutely no doubt in the pink rabbit's mind that if something were ever to happen to her, the lioness would be more than capable of leading the organization in her stead, and the thought finally made her relax as she let out a long, deep sigh and gave her brother a confident smile and nod.
"You're right, bro," Yin conceded warmly, a grateful look in her eyes. "We'll get him one day. And if we don't, then Katie will."
Yang smirked and gave his sister an approving nod before his face fell as their destination came in sight.
"Right," he groused as he dragged his hand down his face in long-suffering annoyance at the stereotypical old mountain lair before them. "Let's get this over with."
The sorceress laughed lightly at her brother's distress and flung her arm around him with a gently teasing look on her face.
"Don't worry bro," she said with a cheeky grin, amusement dancing in her eyes as her brother looked at her sullenly. "I'll protect you from the Big Bad Witch."
The warrior snorted at that and his sister's laughter only grew as they made their way to the crystal mountain.
***
Deep inside the lair, a small, purple demon kitten with dark, reddish-violet hair and light green eyes wearing a white and reddish-violet dress was glumly staring at a computer screen, a supremely grumpy expression on her face as she typed away at the keyboard.
"Ok, let's see if we got any hits today," she muttered to herself in a grouchy tone as she scrolled down the list of items she had for sale, her face falling at the results. "Plunger Wand no, Maid Wand no, well, no surprise there, I guess. But what about the others? Sword Wand no, Mascara Wand no, Princess Wand no... seriously!?! Those are all really high quality magical items!"
The demon kitten growled bitterly to herself, frustration written all over her face, before her expression suddenly lit up as she reached the last item on the list.
"Oh! I've got a hit for the Snow Wand! And a really good offer for it too!" she exclaimed giddily as she clapped her hands in delight. "Things are finally looking up! I better call them right awa-!"
"AHA!"
The little girl jumped in fright at the sudden shout, her hair standing on end, before her face twisted into a demonic snarl as she recognized the voice and whirled around to face Yin and Yang, both of whom were glaring at her sternly.
"YOU!" the demon kitten shrieked like a banshee as she leapt from her chair and pointed a livid finger at the two warriors, eyes crazed and spittle flying from her mouth in rage. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE YIN!?! AND WHY DID YOU BRING MARK WITH YOU!?!"
Both rabbit's faces instantly dropped and they let out loud, long-suffering groans at the question.
"For the last time Saranoia!" the sorceress exclaimed in profound irritation as she furiously rubbed her face and glared at the steaming little girl. "This is not your brother! He's mine!"
"And my name is Yang!" said brother added hotly as he crossed his arms with a petulant look while the demon kitten scoffed.
"WHATEVER!" Saranoia snarled angrily, that crazed, demonic look still in place as she pulled out a large, purple handbag and brandished it threateningly at her two unwanted guests. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I THROW YOU BOTH IN THE NIGHT PURSE OF ETERNAL OBLIVION!"
Hellish flames and screams erupted from the purse at the demon kitten's threat, but the warrior merely gave her a thoroughly unimpressed look before sharing a glance with his sister and nodding in assent.
The pink rabbit stepped forward with narrowed eyes.
"Really Saranoia?" the weaponsmaster asked with a confident, mocking smirk at the witch, who growled at him furiously. "Are you sure you want to challenge my sister, the most powerful sorceress in the land, to a Magical Duel? Especially looking like that?"
Saranoia's expression faltered and she shot a nervous glance at the spellcaster in question, who ignited her magic at her brother's words and glared daggers at the demon kitten as the pressure in the air spiked to almost unbearable levels and her eyes blazed with unearthly power.
Flinching at Yin's foreboding expression, the witch reluctantly put away her cursed handbag and gave her and her brother a seething look instead.
"Why are you two here? You're trespassing," she hissed coldly, eyes still furious.
The sorceress huffed and extinguished her magic before conjuring another Search Warrant.
"We got a tip that something big might be going down so we're questioning all the Villains in Town to see if they know anything. And we've got Search Warrants, signed by the Justice Orb himself," she answered coolly as she held out the document for Saranoia to see, who bristled in enraged disbelief.
"What!?! But that's completely ridiculous, I haven't done anything villainous in years!" she shouted indignantly before stalking forward with angry steps, only to freeze as she found the blue rabbit's flaming sword suddenly pointed in her direction.
"Ah Ah Ah, Saranoia! Remember the rules, no closer than fifty feet!" he chided with a mocking smirk as he placed himself 'protectively' in front of his sister, who giggled in amusement behind him while the demon kitten's eyes bulged out their sockets in rage.
"THAT'S NOT HOW RESTRAINING ORDERS WORK YOU BASTARD!" she roared at the top of her lungs, her face a crimson red as she glared murderously at the smirking weapons master. "I SHOULD KNOW! I'VE BEEN UNDER ONE FOR THE LAST 14 YEARS BECAUSE OF THAT UNGRATEFUL LITTLE HARLOT BEHIND YOU!"
The pink rabbit scowled at that as she stepped forward, planted her fists on her hips, and matched the witch's hateful look with one of her own.
"Oh yes," she growled furiously, venomous sarcasm dripping from every word as she continued to stare down her old rival. "I should be so grateful to you for constantly trying to kidnap me, bind me to you using illegal, forbidden magic, and murder my brother and Master for the crime of being born with a Y chromosome so you could turn me into another bitter, sexist lunatic like yourself. How could I possibly show how sorry I am for such shameful ingratitude?"
But Saranoia just scoffed and rolled her eyes at the spellcaster's tirade before giving her a half-mocking, half-pitying look.
"Of course you'd say that after how hopelessly corrupted you've become because of those two," she countered with a disdainful sneer as Yin bristled and furiously opened her mouth to respond, only to be cut off as her brother put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head.
"Let it go sis," Yang said blandly as he glanced at the glowering demon kitten with half-lidded eyes. "There's no arguing with crazy, and we've got a job to do, remember?"
The sorceress regarded him for a moment before sighing and giving him a firm nod as she turned back to the witch with a stony expression.
"I'm not here to argue with you about what happened in the past, Saranoia," she told her old rival in a coolly professional tone as she crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at the demonic feline suspiciously. "I only care about what you're doing now. Why are you selling your wands and other magical artifacts online? What do you need all that extra money for? And why have you turned yourself into a child again?"
Saranoia huffed at the pink rabbit's accusing inquiries as she crossed her arms and glowered right back.
"Well, if you must know," she replied in a resigned tone as she gave the Search Warrant a bitter look before letting out a forlorn sigh. "It's because of what happened to me a few days ago..."
***
"So let me get this straight," a duck man therapist whose name tag read 'Dr. Horatio Quentin Quack' asked with an incredulous look on his face. "You're having trouble at your job as a spokeswoman for Repulsix... because your bosses... don't think you look good enough for the camera?"
"Yes Doctor. They want me to get plastic surgery because I'm 'getting too old for the role without it' and am 'unfortunately starting to show my age on camera'. Can you believe the nerve of that!?!" the stunningly beautiful middle-aged demon cat woman lying on the couch cried in rage and despair before letting out a little sob as she pulled out a little flip mirror and began dejectedly poking at the tiny, almost unnoticeable age lines on her face.
Dr. Quack stared blankly at his patient for a few moments before he very slowly and deliberately began running his gaze down her toned, athletic body, taking in her long, shapely legs, her well-endowed chest, gorgeous features, and nearly flawless and meticulously cared for fur and skin, before finally looking back at her with the flattest expression he could muster.
"No," he replied bluntly, his rather frank assessment getting an amused and flattered chuckle out of Saranoia as she gave him a fond look.
"Thank you Doctor. You're sweet," she said with a genuinely touched smile while the duck man simply shrugged his shoulders and cracked a grin of his own.
"I'm honest," he corrected with a smirk as his patient continued to chuckle. "If you told me you were 10-15 years younger than you actually are, I'd probably believe you, Saranoia. Most women your age would kill to have your looks. You're certainly a damn sight easier on the eyes than the old bat I'm stuck with."
The demon cat threw back her head and laughed uproariously at that, wiping a tear from her eyes while the therapist grinned in self-satisfaction and gave himself a mental pat on the back.
"Oh stop it you old charmer," she said warmly with an airy wave before sighing forlornly as she glumly looked at her reflection once again. "I just wish my bosses felt the same way. But you know what they say, 'women aren't allowed to age on camera' and I never realized just how true that saying was until now. And if I don't do something about this soon, I'll lose my job."
Dr. Quack frowned at his patient's darkening mood before wracking his brain for a solution.
"Can't you just use your magic to whip up a solution?" he suggested as the witch looked at him sourly. "I can understand not wanting to do something as drastic as plastic surgery for a job, especially for a reason like this, but surely a former sorceress like yourself should know some spells that could help?"
But Saranoia just sighed and shook her head sadly.
"If it was that easy, Doctor, then I wouldn't be worrying about it," she replied in a slightly admonishing tone as the duck man coughed awkwardly into his fist. "All the spells I know of that could help with something like this are Dark Magic that involves things like stealing youth from other people or other such unsavory acts. And even if I wasn't trying to keep on the straight and narrow, using Dark Magic to try and cheat Death has... consequences when the Reaper finally catches up with you."
She shuddered, and the therapist looked away uncomfortably at the sudden chill that went down his spine at his words.
"And besides," the demon cat continued in a more embarrassed tone as she looked around nervously, cheeks flushed, before she beckoned Dr. Quack forward and whispered quietly in his ear, "to tell you the truth Doctor, despite my reputation I'm actually not all that good at magic. I know the theory well enough I could teach it, but when it comes to raw magical power or talent I suck. That's why I relied so much on magical items and artifacts before I gave up being a Villain."
"Ah," the duck man said in realization as he leaned back before his brows furrowed. "Shit."
"And it's also why..." the witch began in a dark, quiet voice, her hands balling up tightly as she started to shake and tremble in rage while the therapist tensed and braced himself for what he knew was coming, "that GOOD FOR NOTHING BASTARD OF A FATHER OF MINE FORCED ME TO SPEND MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD STUDYING AND SLAVING OVER BOOKS WHILE MY WORTHLESS BROTHER GOT TO PLAY AND FROLIC WITH ALL THE OTHER CHILDREN WITHOUT A CARE IN THE FUCKING WORLD!"
"Saranoia," Dr. Quack tried to cut in sternly, only to be hopelessly drowned out as his incensed patient continued to scream at the top of her lungs in rage and bitterness.
"YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE SOMEONE 'CARRY ON THE FAMILY LEGACY' DIDN'T YOU OLD MAN!?! AND THAT SOMEONE JUST HAD TO BE ME DIDN'T IT!?!"
"Saranoia..."
"COULDN'T JUST ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I WAS AND LET ME CHOOSE HOW TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE, OH NO! YOU HAD TO KEEP ME PRISONER IN MY OWN ROOM DOING NOTHING BUT PRACTICING MAGIC DAY IN AND DAY OUT BECAUSE I WAS THE ONLY ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN BORN WITH A DROP OF MAGICAL TALENT! ALL SO YOU WOULDN'T FEEL LIKE A COMPLETE FAILURE! WELL YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS MAGIC AND SHOVE IT-...!"
"SARANOIA!" the duck man roared at the top of his lungs, patience finally spent as the raging demonic feline jumped in fright and blushed furiously as she realized what she'd done.
"Oops. Sorry Doc, I did it again didn't I?" Saranoia said with a sheepish laugh and smile as she awkwardly rubbed the back of her head at the therapist's flat stare.
"Indeed," he replied blandly before letting out a put-upon sigh and giving the demon cat a concerned look. "Honestly, Saranoia, I know magic and your family are a sore spot for you, but you have got to get these outbursts of yours under control. You were doing much better than when you first started here and I'd hate to see you backslide after all the progress you've made."
The witch nodded contritely again as Dr. Quack let out another sigh before cracking a small grin.
"At least you're still keeping the sexism to a minimum," he joked wryly, and the two shared a laugh at the memory of their disastrous first session before the duck man sobered up once more.
"But to get things back on track," he said with a sympathetic look as his patient's shoulders slumped slightly, "have you considered maybe getting another job? With the way your bosses have been treating you it doesn't sound like this one has the healthiest work environment. Especially for someone who's still trying to work through some issues like you are."
Saranoia grimaced at the question as she crossed her arms thoughtfully.
"I have thought about it," she admitted reluctantly before sighing in frustration and sadness. "But who else is going to hire an aging ex-villainess with a history of mental illness?"
The therapist frowned at the demon cat's tone and all the self-directed bitterness and hatred in it before an idea suddenly struck him and he gave her an encouraging smile.
"Well, how about becoming a teacher?" he suggested airly, chuckling in amusement as the witch gave him a flabbergasted look.
"...I beg your pardon?" she asked dully after a long silence, still too shocked to say much else as Dr. Quack continued to chuckle.
"Well, you said it yourself Saranoia, you know magical theory well enough to teach it," he reminded her with a smile as her eyes widened in realization. "So why not make a career out of it? At least then you'll actually be able to get something out of all those lessons your father forced you to go through and your childhood won't have been completely wasted."
Saranoia bit her lip and looked away, unsure.
"But... after all the trouble I went through learning magic, would I really be able to teach it to others?" she asked, seemingly more to herself than to the duck man, her voice full of doubt.
"You'll never know until you try," he answered anyway with a soft smile as his patient looked back at him. "And besides, you've always wanted to make sure that no little girl ever goes through what you did, right?"
At the witch's hesitant nod, the therapist's smile widened.
"Well," he continued with a self-satisfied smirk, "maybe this could be a way for you to accomplish that without having to resort to crazy and creepy supervillain plans."
Saranoia's eyes widened at that and she bowed her head and pursed her lips, deep in thought as she seemed to be seriously considering it, before her face fell as she once again remembered one huge problem for such a plan.
"But Doctor," she said with a voice full of despair as she looked at him sadly, "even if I did decide to try something like that, what school would ever hire someone like me?"
But Dr. Quack's self-satisfied smile only widened at the question as he reached into his desk and pulled out a folder.
"Come now Saranoia," he chided jovially as he handed her the folder, "we've been seeing each other for a long time now. You should know by now that I'd never suggest something if I didn't think there was a chance it would work."
Grumbling at the duck man's good-natured teasing, the demon cat opened the folder and flipped through the pages within, her eyes widening and her jaw going slack as she read what was on them.
"...Is this real?" she finally asked in stunned disbelief as she looked at her grinning therapist.
"Real, reputable, and totally legitimate," he confirmed with a smug smirk. "I only get the best for my patients after all."
The witch stared at the pages for a while longer before taking a deep breath and giving her doctor a genuine, grateful smile.
"Thank you Doctor," she said, voice warm as she tucked the folder under her arm and held out a hand. "I'll definitely keep this in mind."
"My pleasure Saranoia," Dr. Quack replied with a smile of his own as he shook her hand before his grin turned wry. "Always nice to show you that not all men are selfish, misogynistic jerks."
Saranoia laughed lightly at the good-natured jab before checking her watch.
"Well, looks like our time today is up," she noted idly before standing up and giving the duck man a grateful bow. "Thank you again, Dr. Quick. I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you've done for me. I'll see you again next Thursday."
"Oh great, it's finally over? I'm not interrupting your therapy session anymore?"
"No, I'm just about... done?" the demon cat answered absent-mindedly while she gathered her things before she suddenly froze in realization and her face paled at the familiar voice as she whirled around to see a demonic looking gnome in a dark purple suit with a matching pointy hat smiling maliciously at her.
"Great! That means I won't be inconveniencing someone else while I have my revenge!" the gnome cackled in glee, his hands lighting up with crackling red energy as the witch screamed in fright and her therapist shot to his feet in outrage.
"OH NO NOT YOU AGAIN! I'M SORRY I WAS SUCH A BAD BOSS TO YOU ALRIGHT!?! I'M SORRY! PLEASE, NO MORE!" she begged pitifully as she hid behind Dr. Quack, tears streaming down her face.
"Yeah? Well you, uh, you should have thought about that before you denied me that raise and, uh, kept turning me into all those embarrassing forms!" the demon gnome shot back spitefully, looking down at his trembling former boss pitilessly. "So now, uh, for being such a cruddy boss, I, uh, shall have my, uh, REVENGE! AGAIN! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Saranoia's sobbing only grew louder at the gnome's cruel laughter as the duck man scowled furiously and fearlessly stepped forward to confront the powerful being.
"NOW SEE HERE YOU PINT-SIZED, INDECISIVE LITTLE WRETCH-...!" he began to bellow in rage, only to get zapped by a bolt of crimson lightning that sent him flying back to crash into the ground in a groaning heap for his troubles.
"Sorry there doc," the demonic gnome quipped as he nonchalantly blew on his finger and the demon cat cried out in fear and concern. "But, uh, I've decided I'm going to, uh, be really evil today since the coin, uh, landed on heads. So… SILENCE FLUNKY! HAHAHA! Man I, uh, never get tired of that!"
The gnome turned back to the witch, who whimpered in fear as his cruel grin widened.
"So, Saranoia, you're uh, having trouble with your job because you're getting old and uh, wish your childhood hadn't been wasted huh?" he began conversationally before a malicious smile split his face. "Well, uh, I think I know the perfect solution to your little problem there. So, uh, TAKE THIS!"
Saranoia screamed as the demonic gnome's red magic engulfed her and she felt her body warp and change while he cackled in delight before giving a satisfactory nod at his handiwork when it was over.
"There. That, uh, should be enough revenge for now," the gnome said before he floated up and gave a cheery wave to the quivering demon cat and fuming therapist. "Well, uh, I've got a bunch more evil pranks to get to today, so uh, bye!"
And with that awkward farewell the demonic gnome vanished in a flash of light as Dr. Quack rushed over to his trembling patient.
"Saranoia! Are you... alright?" he asked frantically before he trailed off as he saw what had become of the witch. "Uh..."
"DOCTOR WHAT IS IT!?! WHAT DID HE DO!?! HOW DO I LOOK!?!?" Saranoia wailed in a blind panic while the duck man continued to stare at her, stunned.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to the demon cat, her therapist finally managed to regain his wits as he coughed awkwardly into his fist and gave her a nervous smile.
"W-Well, on the bright side Saranoia," Dr. Quack said shakily with forced cheerfulness as he rifled through her discarded bag, "at least you won't have to worry about those age lines anymore."
He finally managed to pull out her portable mirror and handed it to her with a trembling hand as she snatched it out of his grip to gaze upon her reflection.
And screamed.
***
"So yeah. Because of that damn gnome I'm stuck like this now, lost my job, and have basically been reduced to selling all these magical items I no longer need because I'm not a villain anymore to make ends meet until I can find a new one." Saranoia finished with a bitter, petulant look at the twin rabbits as she crossed her arms testily. "Happy now, princess?"
Yin and Yang both shared a dark look at the revelation of just who had been behind the demon kitten's transformation.
Ever since he had gained immense, reality-bending magical powers that made him "all-powerful" after accidently absorbing the energies of a powerful dark artifact, Fred the Gnome had gone from merely being Saranoia's much put-upon lackey to one of the most dangerous foes they'd ever faced.
Some of the time anyway.
Back when he had first gotten his powers, it had been practically impossible for the two warriors to face him head on, and only the gnome's extreme indecisiveness and constant flip-flopping between whether to be good or evil had allowed them to outwit him and foil whatever half-baked scheme he'd come up with, though he'd nonetheless remained a constant and very dangerous thorn in their side thanks to his sheer power.
Of course, that had been back when they'd still been a couple of snot-nosed little brats in-training, and needless to say Fred was quite a bit less "all-powerful" these days.
Something the two Masters had proven rather decisively in their last battle with the demonic gnome as the sorceress had used her peerless mastery of the mystic arts to flawlessly counter every twisted change he'd tried to enact on the environment while also simultaneously shielding the townsfolk from his wrath, thereby freeing up her brother to engage Fred directly and display quite clearly why relying on raw power alone in combat was a bad idea.
The gnome had kept his head down ever since then, limiting his acts of evil to petty crimes and malicious pranks while also always making himself scarce before the twin guardians could show up.
Nevertheless, the pink and blue rabbits always kept a sharp eye out for him and always got their guard up whenever they got confirmation of his handiwork because despite his defeat the demonic gnome was still one of the very few villains still around powerful enough to actually threaten them.
"Do you have any idea where Fred is or what he's doing now?" the warrior asked briskly, eager for the chance to finally catch the elusive pest and put him away once and for all.
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW MARK!?!" the witch yelled angrily as she threw up her hands in hapless rage while Yang groaned and Yin slapped her hand to her face. "THAT FUCKING GNOME ALWAYS POPS UP OUT OF NOWHERE TO RUIN MY LIFE AT THE MOST RANDOM TIMES AND THEN DISAPPEARS JUST AS QUICKLY! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE HE IS OR WHAT HE'S DOING WHEN I CAN'T EVEN PREDICT WHEN HE'LL SHOW UP!?!"
"For the last time Saranoia, MY NAME IS YANG!" the warrior shouted heatedly as he glared at Saranoia, who glared right back. "By the Ancestors, I thought we'd gotten over this already! You're backsliding, you crazy old bat."
"OF COURSE I'M BACKSLIDING MAR- YANG!" the demon kitten raged with tears in her eyes, much to the blue rabbit's surprise. "EVERYTIME I GET CLOSE TO FINALLY PULLING MY LIFE TOGETHER THAT DAMN GNOME SHOWS UP, KNOCKS IT DOWN, AND LEAVES ME TO PICK UP THE PIECES JUST SO HE CAN DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN! NOW I DON'T HAVE A JOB BECAUSE I'M STUCK LOOKING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AND AM HAVING TO SELL MY THINGS JUST TO MAKE ENDS MEET! IT'S NOT FAIR!"
Yang's face paled as the witch burst into tears at that last statement and awkwardly rubbed the back of his head as he wracked his brain for a way out of this predicament while his sister gazed at the sobbing demonic feline with a surprisingly cold and impassive expression on her face.
"Well, I mean, maybe you could still try out that teaching gig Doc Quack set up for you...?" the warrior tried hesitantly as Saranoia looked up at him in surprise at his clumsy, yet well-meaning attempt to comfort her, only for his sister to clear her throat loudly.
"It's time for us to go, Yang," the sorceress cut in coolly as her brother looked at her in surprise while the demon kitten glowered at her with red, puffy eyes.
"Yin?" the blue rabbit questioned cautiously, still rather befuddled as his sister huffed and gave him a flat stare.
"Saranoia's personal issues are not our concern, Yang. We are here to ascertain whether or not she is implicit in any other crimes. No more, no less." the pink rabbit declared in that same ice cold voice as Yang's eyes widened before he scowled as the witch's face hardened into an expressionless mask.
"Yin, what the hell?" he demanded harshly with an unamused glare, only for his sister to pointedly ignore him as Saranoia cut in before he could say anything else.
"And I've told you all I can," she said crossly, her own voice becoming chilly and businesslike as she crossed her arms and locked gazes with the rival spellcaster, neither moving a muscle. "So what now, Yin? You gonna arrest me?"
Yin's eyes narrowed briefly before she let out a disdainful huff.
"Unfortunately, no," she grumbled with a disapproving stink eye at the demon kitten, who merely snorted in response. "Selling powerful magical artifacts online is incredibly irresponsible... but not illegal. So you're in the clear... for now."
"But mark my words, Saranoia," the sorceress continued ominously as she pointed a stern finger at the witch, her eyes lighting up with a foreboding blue glow. "If any of those artifacts wind up in the hands of Villains or someone gets hurt because of them, you and I will be having words. Am I clear?"
"Crystal," Saranoia spat with one last hateful glare before turning away in clear dismissal. "Now, I've got a sale to attend to and job searching to do, so unless you're going to undo this curse, kindly take your brother and get off my property."
The pink rabbit huffed in contempt before turning around to do just that, only for a firm hand to clamp around her shoulder as she looked to see her brother still staring at her disapprovingly.
"Sis," the warrior said with a stern expression as he nodded meaningfully at the demon kitten. "Don't you think we should do something about that curse? We are Woo Foo Warriors after all. Duty Bound to help those in need in any way we can, right?"
Yin narrowed her eyes at her brother's unsubtle accusation before glancing back at the witch for a moment and letting out an explosive sigh as she finally managed to dredge up some small measure of pity for her old enemy.
"Yes, I suppose we are," she conceded begrudgingly before turning to the ex-villainess and giving her a short bow. "I… apologize for my behavior, Saranoia. It was unbecoming of a Woo Foo Master."
Saranoia blinked in surprise at the sorceress's admission as the pink rabbit walked over to the demon kitten and held a glowing hand over her.
"Hold still," the spellcaster commanded as she closed her eyes in deep concentration, the demonic feline growling at the instruction but nonetheless obeying.
After a few moments of searching, Yin frowned at what her detection spell had found and pulled back.
She opened her eyes and shook her head at her waiting brother.
"There's nothing I can do for her," she told him briskly as the blue rabbit's eyebrow arched upwards and the witch's shoulders slumped. "She's actually been physically reverted to the age she looks and being young again technically isn't a curse, which is probably why Fred chose to do this in the first place. And all the methods I know of to age her back to normal are Dark Magic, which I refuse to use for obvious reasons. I'm sorry Yang, but she's stuck like this."
Yang eyed her searchingly for a moment before sighing and giving Saranoia an apologetic look.
"She's telling the truth," he revealed to her glumly as his sister shot him an offended look at the implication that she might have been lying. "Sorry, I tried."
"Just... get out and leave me be. Both of you," the demon kitten replied in bitter disappointment as she turned away from them once more.
The warrior's shoulders slumped and his sister huffed.
"Come on bro, we're finished here," the sorceress said coldly as she marched out of the mountain lair with her scowling brother in tow, eyes fixed firmly ahead.
The witch watched them go with a bitter look before she began furiously rifling through her desk until she found what she was looking for.
I'll show you, you bitch, Saranoia thought angrily to herself before she gave the folder in her hands a determined look. Just you wait…
***
"Ok, what the hell was that, Yin?" Yang demanded hotly with a disapproving glare at his sister as soon as they were back outside.
Yin huffed and glared right back as she crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.
"Don't start, Yang," she growled warningly as she gave her brother a cold look. "While I admit that I probably could have conducted myself better back there, the fact remains that Saranoia's personal problems are not our concern. Besides, don't tell me you actually fell for those crocodile tears?"
"They looked pretty real to me, sis," the warrior shot back angrily, still giving her that infuriating look of disapproval. "She's going through a really tough time right now, you could cut her a little slack."
"No, Yang. I really, really can't," the sorceress snapped.
The blue rabbit 's scowl deepened at her stubborn refusal to budge.
"What in Foo's name has gotten into you, sis?" he asked as he shook his head in disbelief, unable to comprehend what he was hearing come out of his normally compassionate sibling's mouth. "You're usually all for redemption and rehabilitation, especially after what happened the last time we treated one of our villains like this."
The pink rabbit grimaced at the memory before shaking her head and giving her brother another defiant glare.
"I am," she replied testily before narrowing her eyes at him. "When the person in question truly shows an earnest desire to change. But I think that after that little display back there, it's more than safe to say that Saranoia is the same sexist, cold-hearted, batshit insane witch she's been for the last 14 years. Not only is she selling powerful and dangerous magical artifacts completely out in the open where anyone could get their hands on them, but she's still calling you Mark and saying that I've been corrupted by you for Ancestor's sake! She hasn't changed one bit!"
But Yang's scowl only deepened as he crossed his arms and continued to glare at her, completely unmoved by his sister's arguments.
"You know that's not fair, Yin," he countered heatedly as Yin just scoffed in disbelief that they were still having this argument. "You heard her, the only reason she's still having so much trouble making any progress is because she keeps getting tortured by an evil, reality-warping demonic gnome! If Fred would just leave her alone she'd probably be fine by now!"
Yin snorted skeptically as her brother's eyes narrowed in annoyance.
"That's still no excuse for her behavior," she insisted coldly as the warrior threw up his hands at her bullheadedness. "Just because she's had a hard life and a history of mental illness doesn't mean I'm obligated to forgive her or go out of my way to help her with her problems. And it certainly doesn't mean I should trust her around the Town's children! I already have more than enough first-hand experience with her to know how bad an idea that is."
"So I suppose that means if she really had been cursed by that damn gnome you would have just left her out to dry, is that it?" the blue rabbit asked in a low, accusing tone as his sister bristled furiously at the insinuation.
"Watch it, buddy," the sorceress growled warningly, jabbing a finger at her brother for good measure as her eyes lit up with a foreboding glow. "Of course I would have done something if she had truly been suffering under an actual curse. I'm not heartless. But for something like this? She's on her own."
Far from being intimidated, Yang instead merely let out an explosive sigh before giving his sister a stern look.
"What is this about, Yin?" he demanded, his tone making it absolutely clear to his sister he wasn't going to let this go until he had answers. "It can't be because of all the times she tried to off us because all the rest of our villains tried to do that too, and you've always encouraged them whenever they've tried to go straight, even if it doesn't work out. Hell, Carl tried to do us in more times than the rest of them combined, and not only were you able to forgive him, you're the godmother to his son for Foo's sake! So what is it about Saranoia that's got your panties in a twist? And don't try to stonewall me on this either. We had an agreement not to hide things from each other and bottle them up anymore, remember? Now spill."
The pink rabbit continued glaring at him defiantly for a few more seconds before finally sighing in resignation as a deeply troubled expression crossed her face.
"...She tried to take me away from you and Dad, Yang," she admitted in a quiet, fearful voice as she hugged herself and her brother's eyes widened. "She tried to take me away from you two so she could push her issues onto me and infect me with her hatred so I'd become just like her. A bitter, crazed, sexist maniac forever wallowing in her own hatred and self-pity that hates all men for the actions of just a few."
Yin looked up, and the warrior blanched at her wide, terrified, tear-filled eyes.
This was definitely not the reaction he was expecting.
"Don't you understand, bro?" she continued as she gently took her still frozen brother's hands in her own, a pleading expression on her face. "She tried to make me hate you. You and Dad. My family. The only family I've ever had. And if Saranoia had had her way, I'd have happily helped her murder the two of you for the crime of being born with a Y chromosome and for 'abusing' me. All because she couldn't learn to deal with her issues without forcing them onto other people."
The sorceress shuddered in fear at the thought before her face firmed and she gave her brother a piercing look.
"And I will never forgive her for that," she declared with utter finality as she shot one last hateful look at the castle behind her. "Never."
The blue rabbit coughed and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly at that dramatic declaration as he desperately searched for a way to voice his thoughts in a manner that wouldn't get him banished to Lina's couch for the foreseeable future.
"Don't you think... you're being just a little harsh sis?" he ventured forth hesitantly, flinching at the dangerous way his sister's eyes narrowed before hastening to explain. "I mean, I get what you're saying, but Saranoia never really succeeded in turning you over to her side. Or even came close, for that matter, because of how damn insane and creepy she came off. And like I said, she has been making an honest attempt to do better and actually get the help she needs, so shouldn't that be worth some consideration?"
"I'm giving her plenty of consideration, Yang," the pink rabbit replied testily with crossed arms. "So long as she stays on the straight and narrow and doesn't bother us, I'm more than happy to leave her in peace. But aside from making sure she stays out of trouble I still want nothing to do with her. Because everytime I see her I'm reminded of what could have happened if she'd been more competent and actually managed to take me away and turn me to her side. Maybe that's not the way a Woo Foo Warrior should be handling this, but it's still how I feel. I'm sorry."
Yang's shoulders slumped and he gave a disappointed nod at that, a forlorn expression on his face, and his sister frowned before sighing and adopting a much gentler expression as she put a hand on his shoulder.
"Look Yang," Yin began kindly with a small, reassuring smile, "I appreciate how much you're trying to look out for me and I'm very proud of how you always try to look on the bright side of things. But I promise you, this isn't like what happened with Smoke and Mirrors and my, ah, secret desire. I hardly ever give Saranoia any thought most of the time, and I certainly don't obsess over her to the point it turns me into a ticking time bomb. Everything's going to be ok with me, so let's just put that washed up old witch out of our minds and move on to the next person on the list, alright?"
The warrior eyed her for a moment before sighing in defeat and giving a reluctant affirmation.
There was really no point in dragging this out, after all.
Kind and empathetic the sorceress may be, but his sister could still hold one hell of a grudge if you made her mad enough, and the demon cat had apparently pushed her buttons something fierce a long time ago.
The blue rabbit supposed he shouldn't be surprised though.
If there was one thing that would get his sister angry even faster than harming children, it was trying to hurt her friends and family.
The pink rabbit smiled at her brother's nod and gave him an affectionate hug and a whispered reassurance that she would be alright before they both vanished in a flash to their next destination.
***
"THIS IS THE WORST SERVICE EVER! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS, AND ACTION FIGURES, AND REPLICAS, AND ALL THAT JAZZ!?! MY GRANDSON'S BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP SOON!"
"I-I'm truly sorry Madam! I've just never really been interested in such... 'intellectual' pursuits. I much prefer regular books."
"THEN WHY DO YOU RUN A COMIC BOOK STORE!?!"
"...Because it sells well?"
"GAH!"
Yin and Yang both stood off to the side, expressions deadpan as they watched the familiar, yet odd scene in front of them with half-lidded eyes.
An elderly hippo lady was currently in the process of furiously berating the store's proprietor for not being able to help her find a suitable gift for her young grandson.
Nothing too unusual there, it was unfortunately just par for the course for any retail worker.
What was unusual was the proprietor himself.
That is to say, he was a large, cracked, reddish-purple floating skull with crimson eyes and an aura of green flames, accompanied by two purple mittens which were currently making desperate calming motions at the furious hippo.
This was Mastermind.
Once a powerful and feared evil wizard who ruled a mighty empire spanning twelve continents on a planet that had only seven, he had somehow lost his body a few thousand years ago and been reduced to a nearly powerless joke ever since.
While still highly intelligent and determined to regain his former glory by acquiring a new body, his almost total lack of power in his current form combined with his pompous, petulant, and condescending personality afforded him absolutely no respect from the City's Villains, rendering him little more than a whiny nuisance to the twin rabbits outside of one occasion when he had almost managed to steal Yang's body by tricking him with a magic coupon.
So whenever the disembodied wizard wasn't launching yet another desperate scheme to get his hands on a new body or relive his glory days to prove that he still had it, he could be found here, managing his comic book store despite not knowing anything about geek culture and adamantly refusing to learn on the grounds that such pursuits were beneath a Genius such as himself.
A decision that had bit the old mage in his non-existent butt many times before, and was currently doing so again as the furious hippo lady continued to viciously chew him out on his poor service while the two Woo Foo Masters looked on.
"Shouldn't you do something, bro? This is your area of 'expertise' after all," the sorceress asked her brother as she looked around distastefully at all the dorky comic books and merchandise surrounding her.
He snorted and gave her an annoyed look at her dismissive tone.
As much as she disliked Mastermind and agreed with his irate customer about how stupid it was of him to refuse to learn about the products he was selling, she also couldn't blame him for preferring real books over this silly, brain-rotting trash.
"Nope," the warrior answered irritably as he turned back to regard the massacre taking place before him with pitiless eyes, not wanting to revisit the very old argument between them. "I still haven't forgotten the time old Skullface over there tried to use my body as a meat puppet to kill you and Dad. I can hold grudges too. And unlike Carl, Saranoia, or some of our other Villains, Mastermind really hasn't changed one bit. If he ever actually managed to get his Mitts on a new body he'd go right back to trying to rebuild his old Empire and reclaim his place as 'the greatest Evil Genius the world's ever seen'. So fuck him."
The pink rabbit thought that over for a moment, trying to decide whether or not that was hypocritical of her brother, before finally grunting in agreement.
"Fair enough," she conceded with an amicable nod as she continued watching the elderly hippo verbally castrate the poor disembodied wizard.
"THAT DOES IT! I AM NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN YOU OLD BAG OF BONES!" she roared furiously before storming out the exit as the old mage desperately called after her.
"WAIT MADAM! PLEASE!" he begged pitifully as he watched yet more potential money walk out the door. "I'M SURE SOME OF THE FINE, STRAPPING YOUNG LADS THAT SHOP HERE CAN HELP US FIND A SUITABLE GIFT FOR YOUR GRANDSON! AND WHEN WE DO, I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU A COUPON FOR 15% OFF! YOU LIKE COUPONS RIGHT!?! PLEASE, DON'T GO!"
But his cries fell on deaf ears as the hippo simply ignored him and marched right out the door without so much as a backward glance, and Mastermind sighed dejectedly as his flames dimmed.
"I should have gone with electronics," he whined morosely to himself before one of his floating mittens began snapping urgently to get his attention while the other pointed behind him frantically. "What's that Mittens? Another customer? I'm so sorry you had to see that. How may I help you tod-...?"
The disembodied wizard cut himself off and froze stiff as he finally turned around to see who his Mittens were pointing at, and he let out a roar of rage as his flames burst into a roiling inferno while the two warriors both simply raised an eyebrow.
"YOU!" he shouted furiously as both siblings sighed and rolled their eyes at the now rather tired greeting while the old mage glared at them murderously. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN MY STORE!?! GET OUT AT ONCE!"
Shaking her head in exasperation, Yin schooled her face into a stern expression as she stepped forward to confront the fuming skull.
"Nice to see you too, Mastermind," she greeted sarcastically, her tone coolly polite as she narrowed her gaze at Mastermind, a warning look in her eyes. "As much as I would like to leave the affront to literature and storytelling that is your store, I'm afraid I can't until our business here is complete. You see, my brother and I are conducting an investigation-..."
"I DON'T CARE WHAT BUSINESS YOU HAVE HERE YOU MEDIOCRE EXCUSE FOR A SPELLCASTER!" the disembodied wizard cut her off sharply, his hellish, crimson eyes glaring daggers at the sorceress as she bristled in fury at both the interruption and the insult to her magical prowess, before the old mage pointed a damning finger at her brother. "GET THAT EMPTY-HEADED HOOLIGAN OUT OF MY STORE THIS INSTANT BEFORE HE DESTROYS EVERYTHING I OWN!"
The pink rabbit blinked before sighing in irritation and giving the old mage a reproachful look while her brother bristled defensively.
"By the Ancestors, are you still going on about that you washed up old tyrant?" she snapped with an offended glare on her brother's behalf. "It's been over ten years since Yang and Carl accidentally wrecked your store fighting over that dorky replica hammer and he hasn't set foot inside here since! Let it go already!"
"NEVER! I LOST THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF MERCHANDISE THAT DAY AND NEITHER OF THOSE TWO RUFFIANS EVER PAID ME BACK ONE RED CENT FOR IT!" Mastermind shot back with an accusing glare at the blue rabbit, who merely stared back flatly as his sister groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. "NO ONE MAKES A FOOL OF MASTERMIND AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! NO ONE!"
Yin growled and stepped protectively in front of her brother to give the villain an affronted glare, fists planted firmly on her hips.
"Funny," she shot back coolly as Yang cracked a smile behind her. "From where I stand, people have been making a fool of you for years now, when you're not doing that yourself that is, and yet, they're all still here. You must be slipping in your old age, Mastermind."
"Yep!" the warrior agreed cheerfully with a wide grin as the aging genius bristled in outrage. "And as for your 'repayment', I'll knock it off what you owe me for that time you tried to steal my body and kill my sister and Master. How much do you think my agency and your and Master Yo's lives are worth, sis?"
The sorceress smirked darkly.
"'Far more than this old buffoon could ever make with this tacky comic book store," she replied haughtily with a nasty grin at said store's fuming proprietor. "I daresay you won't ever have to worry about owing him anything, dear brother of mine."
The pink rabbit shared a chuckle with her brother for a few moments before her face grew stern once more.
"But to get things back on track," Yin continued as she crossed her arms and gave the skull a strict, uncompromising look, "I'm afraid we cannot honor your 'request' until we've finished our investigation here. My brother and I received a tip that trouble might be coming, so we're checking up on the Town's Villains to make sure they're not up to any mischief, and you're next on our list."
"And I told you, girl, that I do not care about whatever business you have here," Mastermind hissed venomously in response as the sorceress's eyes narrowed and her brother straightened up beside her at the disembodied wizard's continued defiance. "You might not have caused me as much vexation as that thrice-damned brother of yours, but I still have no love lost for you either, so neither of you are welcome here."
"Be that as it may," the pink rabbit replied icily as she snapped her fingers and held up the Search Warrant for the old mage to see, "I'm afraid your consent in this matter is irrelevant, Mastermind. We have a Search Warrant, signed by the Justice Orb himsel-..."
Yin was suddenly cut off when the skull's Mittens abruptly snatched the paper out of her hands and viciously tore it to pieces while their Master gave the stunned siblings a smug look.
"I see no Search Warrant," the disembodied wizard said smarmily before his face darkened into a hateful scowl. "Now this is the last time I'm going to tell you two meddlesome pests. Get out. Now. Or I will 'escort' you from the premises myself."
The sorceress stared at the shredded remains of her Search Warrant for a long moment before she slowly looked up, her face an expressionless mask of stone as her scowling brother moved to stand beside her.
"You are playing with fire, old man," she warned ominously as her eyes lit up with a foreboding glow.
The magical pressure in the air spiked dangerously at her words.
"What she said," the blue rabbit at her side growled with a glare of his own as he summoned his flaming bamboo sword for emphasis, before letting out a dismissive scoff. "And 'escort us from the premises'? Really? As if we're afraid of some crippled old has-been that dances like a sick moose."
The old mage's eyes bulged out of their sockets.
"I DO NOT DANCE LIKE A SICK MOOSE!" he screamed in frustration and rage at the familiar, hated insult as his flames exploded out from him. "THAT'S IT! PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF MASTERMIND!"
Pulling a remote out of nowhere at that dramatic declaration, Mastermind pressed the big red button in the center with vindictive glee, and klaxon alarms began blaring and red lights started flashing.
Something big started ominously rising from a previously hidden opening in the center of the room, smoke obscuring all but its imposing silhouette.
"BEHOLD, YOU WOO FOOLS!" the disembodied wizard cackled with malicious delight as the smoke cleared and the two siblings tensed at what lay behind it. "MY NEW BODY!"
It was an enormous, deadly looking metallic-gray robot in the shape of a huge, heavyset warrior with a large, open cockpit in its huge gut, which the old mage gleefully flew into, laughing his head off as the cockpit closed and the robot powered up.
"I see," the pink rabbit said coldly, a hard, unimpressed look on her face as she got into a back-to-back fighting stance with her similarly stone-faced brother, their blazing blue eyes glaring into the robot's fiery crimson ones. "You finally managed to get your filthy mitts on a decent body, one that I'm assuming is also coated in anti-magic shield polish. I'll take this as confirmation you were planning something nefarious then."
"THAT'S RIGHT YOU AMATEURISH EXCUSE FOR A MAGICIAN!" Mastermind crowed from inside the heavily armored cockpit, the robot's speakers giving his voice an intimidating metallic echo as Yin's face tightened at yet another insult to her magical skill. "AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF BEING A LAUGHINGSTOCK, HAVING TO ENDURE THE INSULTS OF THE WORTHLESS, B-RANK VILLAINS INFESTING THIS TOWN, AND SUFFERING THE INDIGNITY OF HAVING TO RUN A COMIC BOOK STORE JUST TO MAKE ENDS MEET, I HAVE FINALLY MANAGED TO SAVE UP ENOUGH MONEY TO COMMISION A NEW BODY! AND WITH IT, I SHALL AT LAST REBUILD MY EMPIRE AND REMIND THIS WORLD WHO THE GREATEST EVIL GENIUS OF ALL TIME IS! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
"Keep dreaming, buddy," Yang retorted with a growl as he leveled his flaming sword at the formerly disembodied wizard. "You made a big mistake revealing your little toy to us like that. Now we'll smash that shiny new body of yours to pieces and send your bony butt off to jail where it belongs. Isn't that right sis?"
"Indeed," the sorceress replied with absolute confidence in her voice as she activated her Paws of Pain and smashed her enormous fists together for emphasis, a cocky smirk on her face as a thunderous crash rang out from the impact.
But the old mage simply let out a dismissive scoff and an evil chuckle at the display as he leered down at his opponents.
"CONFIDENCE BORN OF IGNORANCE. AS EXPECTED FROM A COUPLE OF EMPTY-MINDED SIMPLETONS SUCH AS YOURSELVES," he shot back tauntingly as both Masters' eyes narrowed in irritation. "I MIGHT NOT HAVE PLANNED TO FACE YOU TWO THIS EARLY, BUT IT MATTERS NOT, FOR I HAVE HAD YEARS TO STUDY YOUR INDIVIDUAL POWERS AND FIGHTING STYLES, AND HAVE ALREADY CALCULATED THOUSANDS OF DIFFERENT STRATEGIES TO TAKE EACH OF YOU DOWN! THAT WILL BE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO ENSURE MY VICTORY OVER YOU TWO WRETCHED RODENTS, I ASSURE YOU."
"I'm hearing a lot of talking, but I'm not seeing a lot of doing. As expected of a pompous, senile old windbag like you," the warrior quipped back in a bored voice, before a savage smile crossed his face. "Enough babbling! If you're so sure of your new toy and your oh-so-brilliant plans then just shut up and attack us already!"
"AS YOU WISH YOU COCKY LITTLE BRAT!" the wizard roared in fury as one of the robot's hands retracted to be replaced by a large cannon, and both warriors smirked at seeing him take the bait.
They glanced at each other, a plan of attack being discussed and agreed upon in a single instant. "I'VE WAITED A LONG TIME FOR THIS! NOW PERISH!"
He leveled the cannon at them, and the two siblings tensed.
The pink rabbit ignited her magic and prepared to cast any one of a multitude of spells to counter and befuddle the old mage while her blue counterpart watched them like a hawk, ready to take advantage of whatever distraction his sister had planned to get in close and wreak havoc...
Only for them both to freeze in shock as the only thing to come out of the formidable-looking cannon was a large stream of soapy water.
So great was their surprise that they both completely forgot to get out of the way in time and as a result were both completely drenched from head to toe, left coughing and sputtering as the old mage looked at his sopping-wet opponents in wide-eyed shock.
"W-WHAT!?!" he shouted in disbelief as both siblings both glared daggers at him. "IMPOSSIBLE! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A LASER! A DEADLY, DEADLY LASER!"
"Yeah, well, it wasn't," Yang growled in profound annoyance as he and his sister both dried themselves off with a sharp gesture and a flash of light, their clothes and fur now sparkling clean, before glaring at the flabbergasted skull in disbelief. "I was only trying to rile you up when I made that senile comment Skullface, but apparently I was right on the money."
"I AM NOT SENILE!" Mastermind raged with a murderous glare before he raised the robot's other arm. "I'LL SHOW YOU, YOU MENTALLY CHALLENGED BUFFOON! PLASMA BUZZSAW ACTIVATE!"
The robot's other hand retracted, only instead of a whirling instrument of metal, plasma, and death, what came out instead was an automatic circular mop like one would find at a carwash, uselessly spinning in place as the wizard stared in stunned dismay and the twin Masters just slowly shook their heads.
"Unbelievable," the warrior deadpanned, eyes half-lidded and face flat-as-a-board as his sister furiously massaged her temples at the old mage's incoherent sputtering. "Absolutely unbelievable. And this is the same guy that once ruled the largest empire the world's ever seen?"
"Apparently so," the sorceress groused as she dragged a hand down her face tiredly, only to freeze as a familiar scent entered her nostrils and she sniffed her recently cleaned fur suspiciously, groaning in realization after she did.
"Really, Mastermind?" she asked the skull incredulously, hands on her hips. "You got that robot from Fastidious of all people?"
The blue rabbit blinked as Mastermind rambled defensively before his eyes widened in realization and he slapped a hand to face.
"Yeah, that makes sense," he muttered to himself in awe at the wizard's stupidity, before a thought struck and he looked at his sister suspiciously.
"Yin..." Yang said slowly with narrowed eyes as his sister froze at his accusatory tone, "how do you know what Fastidious's shampoo smells like?"
The pink rabbit gulped and gave her brother a sheepish smile as she innocently fiddled with her fingers and he groaned as the answer hit him.
"Really sis? Really?" the warrior demanded indignantly as he crossed his arms and glared at his guilty-looking sibling. "You actually buy that obsessive-compulsive maniac's beauty care products?"
"...They work really well. And his cleaning products do too," Yin defended weakly as her brother threw up his hands in exasperated disbelief.
"And you have the stones to get on me for being irresponsible," the blue rabbit muttered petulantly as his sister flinched in shame at her hypocrisy, before he suddenly froze as an idea struck him at what he'd just said and a dark smile began creeping across his face, much to his sister's terror.
"You just wait until Melodia hears about this," Yang declared smugly, a supremely self-satisfied smile on his face as he watched the sorceress's eyes bulge out in panic as she frantically waved her arms.
"Oh no, no, no, no, no, please Yang," she begged pitifully as she clasped her hands in supplication and gave her brother a pleading look. "She'll rip my hide off if she finds out!"
The warrior hummed and looked at the ceiling in apparent thought, his grin widening by the second.
"I don't know, Yin," he replied teasingly, thoroughly enjoying his sister's rising panic as he continued to string her along, "this really doesn't seem like something I should keep from a dear friend like Melodia. Especially when it concerns the safety of her entire kingdom."
The pink rabbit glared sullenly at her brother's none-too-subtle jabbing as he continued to smile serenely at her, before finally letting out a bitter sigh of defeat.
"What do you want, damn you?" she growled angrily as the blue rabbit's smile widened and he chuckled good-naturedly.
"I thought you'd never ask," he replied in a charming, friendly tone as his sister crossed her arms and huffed in irritation before stating his demands. "Here's my offer: I'll promise to keep quiet about this to Melodia... if you finally admit comic books are a valid and respectable form of entertainment instead of dorky trash. Deal?"
Yin's face twisted into a painful looking scowl, as if she was sucking on a particularly sour lemon, before she finally sighed and reluctantly shook her brother's outstretched hand after a few moments of consideration.
"Deal," she agreed in a begrudgingly impressed tone at her brother's quick and decisive haggling before sighing again at his expectant look and continuing in a dull, monotone voice. "'Comic books, are not dorky, brain-rotting trash. They are a perfectly valid and respectable form of literature and storytelling, and I'm sorry I didn't realize that earlier.' There, you happy?"
Yang smirked and nodded in supreme satisfaction.
"I am," he said smugly as his sister let out a petulant snort, only for them both to jump at a furious, unexpected shout.
"I WILL SKIN YOU BOTH ALIVE AND USE YOUR HIDES TO MAKE BUNNY SLIPPERS!" the old mage raged at the top of his metaphorical lungs, furious at being ignored.
But both Masters just scoffed and rolled their eyes.
"With what, your 'Spinning Mop of Doom'?" the warrior asked mockingly as he refocused on the aging genius and eyed said cleaning instrument in contempt. "Seriously dude, Fastidious?"
"HE WAS THE ONLY VILLAINOUS ROBOT MAKER I COULD AFFORD, OK!?!" Mastermind screamed in helpless rage as he threw up the robot's arms. "EVER SINCE HE STARTED WORKING FOR GREEDCO ZARNOT'S PRICES HAVE GONE THROUGH THE ROOF! BESIDES, THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! WHEN I COMMISSIONED THIS BODY FROM HIM THAT DAMNABLE HAMSTER ASSURED ME HE WOULD EQUIP IT WITH THE DEADLIEST WEAPONS HE HAD!"
"It makes perfect sense you dumbass!" the blue rabbit shouted back angrily, thoroughly fed up with the wizard's bumbling. "Fastidious's entire existence revolves around cleaning. The only battles he ever wages are against dirt and germs! For Ancestors' sake, did you even read the instruction manual for that thing or take it out for a test drive before we showed up!?!"
"...NO." the old mage admitted sheepishly as two loud smacks echoed through the store at his answer.
"'Greatest Evil Genius the World's Ever Seen' my ass," the sorceress muttered disdainfully, her hand still firmly embedded in her face as the skull bristled at the insult.
"DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'VE WON YET YOU SMUG LITTLE BRATS!" he roared in desperate fury as he retracted the weapons and smashed the robot's massive fists together threateningly, both Masters looking on completely unfazed at the loud metallic boom. "IF I CAN'T BLAST YOU TO BITS OR SLICE YOU TO PIECES, THEN I WILL SIMPLY SMASH YOU INTO PASTE! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
Yang stared at the cackling skull with a bored expression for a moment before sighing in resignation and stepping forward as the robot reared back its enormous fist.
"NOW DIE!" Mastermind shouted in crazed glee as he threw a titanic punch at the blue rabbit, the robot's huge fist moving shockingly fast for something so large...
Only for the massive hunk of metal to be stopped dead in its tracks as the warrior nonchalantly caught it, not budging so much as an inch even as the ground beneath his feet cracked and the windows in the store shattered at the force of the blow.
The wizard could only stare slack-jawed as the blue rabbit tsked and shook his head in a mocking manner before flashing a cruel smile at his opponent while his sister looked on with a satisfied smirk.
"Mastermind, Mastermind, Mastermind," he chided tauntingly as his smile grew and he gripped the robot's fist so tightly the metal warped with a hideous screech. "An accomplished genius and spellcaster such as yourself resorting to such crude acts of barbaric violence? For shame, old man, for shame. I guess I'm going to have to remind you of your manners."
And with that ominous declaration, Yang pivoted in place and took the robot clean off its feet as he slammed the screaming skull hard into the floor, shattering the concrete and crushing several shelves full of comics, action figures, and other such merchandise under the massive machine's weight as its armor warped and buckled.
"MY BODY!" the old mage screamed in despair before the maliciously grinning warrior once again hoisted him into the air. "NO WAIT PLEASE! I WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS!"
But his pleas fell on deaf ears as the blue rabbit brought him crashing down yet again.
"NO!"
*CRASH*
"STOP!"
*CRASH*
"PLEASE!"
*CRASH*
"PLEASE STOP! I'LL BE GOOD, I SWEAR!"
"I don't believe you."
*CRASH*
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
The pink rabbit shook her head in vindictive amusement as she watched her brother gleefully destroy Mastermind's hard-earned body, a wry smirk on her face.
"Didn't you just force me to concede that all this stuff wasn't junk, Yang?" she asked teasingly as she watched her brother bring the now sobbing wizard down on yet more of his precious merchandise, her arms crossed in amusement.
Yang winced and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.
"Whoops, didn't mean to do that. Got a little carried away, haha," he replied sheepishly at his sister's lightly chastising tone before tossing the now badly dented robot in the air and delivering a mighty spinning back kick right to its chest, adding yet another sizable dent as it went crashing into a nearby wall.
The warrior lightly dusted his hands off as he walked over to his amused sister with a playful smile on his face before giving an exaggerated gentlemanly bow.
"Alright, sis, I've had my fill. He's all yours now," he said with a grin and teasing politeness as his sister's face lit up in delight and she giggled at her brother's antics.
"My, my, Yang," Yin responded warmly in kind with exaggerated ladylike poise, a pleased and deeply amused expression on her face. "First you let me go first at the Town Hall, then you defend my honor against that crooked old goat, and now you're offering to share your fights with me? Just when did you become such a gentleman? Lina will be pleased."
The blue rabbit chuckled as he stood back up and gave his sister a hapless shrug and grin.
"Eh, I feel kind of bad beating too much on a senile old man," he replied with a careless wave as his sister tittered behind her hand, before he gave her a dark, vindictive smirk. "And besides, he did insult your skill as a sorceress a lot, so I figured it was only fair you get a crack at him, sis."
The sorceress returned his savage smile in full as she nodded sharply and shot a chilling look at the dazed skull.
"Indeed he did. Thank you very much for your kind consideration, bro. I shall not forget it," she said graciously with a joking curtsy to her brother, who laughed heartily as she turned and marched over to their downed enemy, who was still struggling to pick himself up off the ground.
He froze as he suddenly felt Death's shadow fall over him.
"Now then," the pink rabbit said serenely with a sadistic little smile as she cracked her knuckles and loomed over the petrified Mastermind, eyes flashing with an unearthly light. "What was that about me being an amateurish, mediocre excuse for a magician?"
The wizard gulped as he stared into the cold, pitiless blue suns the spellcaster had for eyes.
"T-T-TECHNICALLY, YOU'RE NOT REALLY PROVING ME WRONG IF YOU JUST BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF ME WITH YOUR BARE HANDS." he pointed out weakly as Yin hummed in thought.
"True," she conceded with a considering nod, before a wide, malicious smile split her face as she leered down at the old mage, who likely would have had a heart attack right then and there if he still had a heart. "But it'll definitely make me feel better."
Mastermind screamed.
***
Yang saluted with tears in his eyes as he watched the police cordon off Mastermind's wrecked store while his sister nonchalantly picked fragments of bone and metal out her knuckles beside him.
"You were a good store," he said in a voice thick with emotion as Yin rolled her eyes and snorted at the dramatic display. "Shame you had such a shit owner."
"Dork," the sorceress teased with a good-natured grin as she watched said owner, now sporting several more cracks and restrained tightly with the strongest binding spells she knew, scream and howl in rage, promises of eternal vengeance on his nonexistent lips as the police casually tossed him in the back of an armored van and drove off.
"And proud of it!" the warrior shot back cheerfully, his somber mood instantly evaporating as he turned to face his sister with a playful smirk of his own as he faux-sternly poked his amused sister in the chest. "And it's not like you can say anything about it either sis. After all, your boyfriend's the biggest dork of them all."
The pink rabbit chuckled knowingly at that as she looked away with a fond, far-off smile.
"Guilty as charged," she admitted without an ounce of shame in her voice, before she looked back at her brother with a haughty expression. "But at least my Coop's a hot dork, unlike you, Yang. Honestly, how Lina can stand to be seen in public with a shameless pig like you is beyond me."
"Lina's a proud farm girl, she's used to working with pigs," the blue rabbit countered smoothly and they both shared a hearty laugh at the good-natured ribbing before sobering up once more.
"So, you think Mastermind was who Dad warned us about?" Yang asked his sister, voice hopeful but at the same time full of doubt, which was only confirmed as Yin frowned and shook her head with a sigh.
"Unfortunately, no," she answered morosely, giving her brother a sympathetic look as his shoulders slumped. "While it's true that pompous old fool might be able to become a legitimate threat again if he was ever able to find a suitable body and restore his magical power, that tin can wasn't nearly strong enough to pose a challenge to us, even if it had been properly equipped. I'm glad we were able to catch him before he could get any evil plans underway, but Mastermind couldn't have been what Dad warned us about."
The warrior scowled before letting out a resigned sigh as he recognized the truth of his sister's words.
"Alright, who's next then?" he asked tiredly, only to blink in surprise as the sorceress let out a frustrated growl and shrugged her shoulders helplessly.
"That's just it, bro! Mastermind was the last villain I was able to get a Search Warrant for, and I'm having trouble thinking of who else it could be," she answered heartedly while she furiously rubbed her chin, deep in thought as she wracked her brain for a possible answer, before looking back up at her brother. "The Chung Pow Kitties?"
"No," the blue rabbit replied with a shake of the head as he crossed his arms with a thoughtful look of his own, "that Ninja Kitty Girl Band is on tour with their Mom and daughters at the moment. Did you know that their Mom was an Evil Ninja Rockstar before them and they're currently training their daughters to be their successors as the new CPK when they retire?"
The spellcaster groaned and slapped a hand to her face at that little bit of trivia.
"Oh great. That's just perfect," she groused with bitter sarcasm as she rubbed her face in profound exasperation. "Now we're going to have even more Ninja Kitty Rockstars constantly trying to break into our Armory just so they can fail and get bailed out by their fans to do it all over again! And the CPK are corrupting their daughters and ruining their futures on top of that! Wonderful!"
"Just thought I'd give you a heads up," Yang replied with an impotent shrug as his sister grunted in irritation.
"Thanks," the pink rabbit grumbled before sighing and getting back to the task at hand. "Well, if the CPK are out for the time being, what about Badfoot?"
Her brother snorted.
"Please, that washed up old funk singer's nothing without his Licking Stick, and I destroyed that weapon myself, remember?" the warrior countered with a dismissive scoff, though a touch of self-directed anger and bitterness entered his voice at the memory.
His sister winced.
"Right, right, it can't be him," Yin agreed in a soothing voice as she desperately tried to think of another candidate to move away from this uncomfortable topic. "Um, well then, what about the Night Master's old tailor Flaviour?"
The blue rabbit didn't even dignify that one with a response, merely staring at his sister with the flattest expression he could muster at the thought of the cowardly, foppish little cyclops ever becoming a major threat.
She fidgeted uncomfortably under his piercing gaze.
"...You're right. That is stupid," the sorceress mumbled contritely as her brother snorted in agreement before her brow furrowed in thought once more. "Hmmm... maybe we should try asking some of our friends if they've seen or heard anything odd then?"
Yang opened his mouth to respond, before a glorious thought struck him and a radiant smile crossed his face.
"That's a great idea, Yin!" he agreed brightly as he beamed at his startled sister, who blinked in surprise before narrowing her eyes suspiciously at his sudden change in attitude. "And I know just who we should start with!"
The pink rabbit didn't even have time to open her mouth before her still-smiling brother forcefully grabbed her wrist and teleported them to Ancestors know where in a flash of light.
***
High above the City, two ghostly figures, one huge and masculine and the other lithe and feminine, materialized out of the ether and looked down with proud, amused smiles at Yin and Yang as the two rabbits vanished from Mastermind's ruined store.
"By the Ancestors, that was great!" the large male figure exclaimed with a hearty laugh as his fellow spirit looked on with a wry grin. "I never get tired of watching those two make a fool out of that pompous, washed-up old skull!"
"They certainly are Yo's children," the slender female figure said warmly as she gazed down at where the twin Masters had been with a fond expression. "I'm so proud of them, brother."
"As am I, sister," the masculine spirit at her side agreed wholeheartedly before his face sobered up and he let out a sigh. "Still, do you really think they're ready for what's coming?"
"I know they are," the feminine spirit replied fiercely, her eyes blazing, before letting out at a sigh of her own as she adopted a concerned look of her own. "Still, even I have to admit this will be no easy task. Mighty though they have become, those two are going to need all the help they can get to stop what's coming."
"Indeed," the male figure concurred blithely as his face scrunched up in confusion and consternation. "I still cannot for the life of me understand why those girls are the ones Yin and Yang must teach. You would think they'd get pupils that wouldn't be such problem students for their first time."
"The Universe works in mysterious ways," the female figure beside him muttered sullenly under her breath before giving her brother a slightly strained smile. "Besides, don't you think you're being a bit too hard on them? True, Yin and Yang's future students might be… troubled, but none of them are outright evil, and they could all become incredible forces for good if given the proper guidance."
The masculine spirit grumbled.
"Perhaps," he allowed reluctantly before shooting his sister a severe look. "Or perhaps they could end up becoming some of the greatest villains this world has ever seen. I shudder to imagine the type of Night Master the Spider could make if she goes down the wrong path."
The feminine spirit frowned briefly in agreement before shaking her head and giving her brother a determined look.
"Then we'll just have to make sure that doesn't happen," she declared in an unwavering voice before putting a hand on the male figure's shoulder and giving him a reassuring look. "You worry too much, brother. Yes, training those girls properly will be a challenge, to be sure, but Yin and Yang have always managed to rise to every challenge that's ever come their way, without fail. And they won't be alone either. We'll be here to help them as well, as will their friends, and Yo certainly won't abandon his children in their time of need. Everything will be fine, you'll see."
The masculine spirit gazed at his sister for a moment before sighing one last time and nodding his head.
"I hope you're right, sister. I truly do," he said quietly as he looked somewhere off in the distance with deep concern.
The female figure exhaled and gave his shoulder a soft squeeze.
"So do I, brother. So do I." She too cast one last worried look off to the horizon before the two vanished once again.
