Now that I'm on my PC, here is the reason why that I think the first version was much better.
First, your original idea was unique. It was unique enough that I can think of potential story threads that you could have used. Such as having Draig inside a human body, a body that he doesn't know the limitations of and just how weak it can be. And then there is the fact that he now needs to interact with the rest of humanity, instead of letting the host deal with it all. These were all incredibly good threads that you could have used. But now, you completely changed the idea of the story itself.
The reason why I don't like the second version is that it is very generic. A ROB that goes out and gives powers from another series to the current story. Very boring. Also, incredibly amateurish. Which is surprising to me because your grammar and punctuation is good enough that I didn't see anything wrong with them when I read through them.
If you really are going to continue this, then please get rid of this ROB section and just start off with Taylor once she has Draig. You can even make a brief mention that she met a ROB and got her powers that way. This way you can completely bypass the cringe inducing ROB section.
These are all just my opinions. So write the story that you want to write. I just hope that I was at least able to provide a tiny bit of help or suggestion that you can use to improve.
First, your original idea was unique. It was unique enough that I can think of potential story threads that you could have used. Such as having Draig inside a human body, a body that he doesn't know the limitations of and just how weak it can be. And then there is the fact that he now needs to interact with the rest of humanity, instead of letting the host deal with it all. These were all incredibly good threads that you could have used. But now, you completely changed the idea of the story itself.
The reason why I don't like the second version is that it is very generic. A ROB that goes out and gives powers from another series to the current story. Very boring. Also, incredibly amateurish. Which is surprising to me because your grammar and punctuation is good enough that I didn't see anything wrong with them when I read through them.
If you really are going to continue this, then please get rid of this ROB section and just start off with Taylor once she has Draig. You can even make a brief mention that she met a ROB and got her powers that way. This way you can completely bypass the cringe inducing ROB section.
These are all just my opinions. So write the story that you want to write. I just hope that I was at least able to provide a tiny bit of help or suggestion that you can use to improve.
