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Memorable Moments In Your Tabletop Games

Playing in a 5e game where the PCs are all dragons thanks to some rules that our DM found. One of our PCs decided to pick a fight with a pack of wolves in an effort to take the cave they were using as a lair for himself.

Protip: Wolves do not care if you're a dragon; if you get into melee range with them they will fuck you up.
 
TheNotoriousSMP said:
Playing in a 5e game where the PCs are all dragons thanks to some rules that our DM found. One of our PCs decided to pick a fight with a pack of wolves in an effort to take the cave they were using as a lair for himself.

Protip: Wolves do not care if you're a dragon; if you get into melee range with them they will fuck you up.
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It seems players and DMs alike forget the power of flight eh?
 
drakensis said:
And the Legacy still smiling, tells this team: "He's got me exactly where he wants me, I can't stop him monologuing. We'll be here for hours. You'll have to foil his plan without me."
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Following from this, Baron Blood tried using a death ray on one of the team. Legacy flies in, tanks the hit and is barely affected at all.

Then Bunker, one of the team, blows the Baron's mech suit apart. The Baron manages to eject and whips out a light saber to keep fighting.

Legacy just sighs. "Look, your inventions aren't doing you any good. Your mech suit's sword fell apart when you hit me, your death ray did nothing... Would you like me to get you a sharp stick to try instead?"

It was amusing that my largest contribution to the encounter was trash-talking the villain and scoring critical hits on his ego, letting the rest of the team do what actually needed to do while Baron Blood frothed incoherently at my insulting his beloved inventions.
 
I played a game of The Witcher TTRPG and the party's witcher managed to fumble a check on the Aard sign so bad that it recoiled so hard he flew 3 meters and knocked himself out.
 
PsyFarrow said:
It seems players and DMs alike forget the power of flight eh?
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He started the fight in the air, tried using a sleep breath on them (largely failed), then descended to melee since he thought he could take the remainder.

He could not, and in one round got brought to 0 HP thanks in no small part to a crit (pack tactics definitely made it possible for the wolves to win. Probably wouldn't have gotten as many hits in if not for advantage on every attack).

Fortunately for him our DM had set something up so our dragons would get one free rez...But only one. From now on, we're on our own.
 
DM, designing a dungeon boss, made the classic mistake of investing everything about the character into a weapon.

My rogue's opening move was a disarm. Rolled natural 20. He stole the magic mace and went back to town.
 
Way back when I had a group, we were playing D&D 3.5. One of the players had to make a new character, who was introduced as a prisoner of a orc troop.

Our party took out the orcs, and asked him what he had happened.

He began, "They came on me in the night..."

At that point, because the entire group had the collective maturity of a six-year-old, we all started laughing.

The player managed the greatest recovery I've ever seen: "...and I was too busy vomiting to stop them tying me up."
 
MrBadExample said:
Way back when I had a group, we were playing D&D 3.5. One of the players had to make a new character, who was introduced as a prisoner of a orc troop.

Our party took out the orcs, and asked him what he had happened.

He began, "They came on me in the night..."

At that point, because the entire group had the collective maturity of a six-year-old, we all started laughing.

The player managed the greatest recovery I've ever seen: "...and I was too busy vomiting to stop them tying me up."
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Lovely.
 
Our Exalted party just got the lesson that one does not lightly try to out politick an elder Dragonblood.

We were trying to break up a political marriage that would have given House Cathak control of a satrapy they could use as a springboard for a Wyld Hunt operation against our allies.

Then a former member of our circle asked for a discreet meeting. We sneak in, then the future satrap and his cousin arrive in the designated garden and make it clear they know we're there. So I decide to bluff that this is fine (mistake).

Then their matriarch steps out and there is the obligatory trash-talking.

She pulls out some bones and does something thaumaturgical, which I did not react fast enough to. I knock her over, but it's too late - five Blood Apes are materializing. That looks like a tough fight - even without the DB cousin pulling a daiklave and putting me on the backfoot (I got crashed big time) with my caste mark visible.

Then the blood apes turn on and tear the future satrap apart, shouting that this is in the name of the GLORIOUS SOLAR EMPRESS. Guards come running and suddenly it looks like the DASTARDLY ANATHEMA summoned demons for an unprovoked attack on the NOBLE YOUNG SATRAP.

(his last words were "this wasn't the plan" to which the matriarch replied "yes it was")

Whereupon one of our sorcerers pulls the whirlwind to fly us out of here, except the one who is (due to shenanigans) known as the Glorious Empress, decides to stay behind and try to flee on foot (I have no idea why) disguised as a Sidereal auditor.

I'm not sure what we'll do from there, but kudos to the storyteller for setting up a masterful moment of our characters getting played by an NPC who absolutely should have that capacity.
 
My first D&D5e game, where I am playing as a Dwarf Wizard, started off with said Wizard being witness to an animated broom and mop committing homicide upon a poor cultist.

I just thought it was a better introduction than a tavern meet-up, is all.
 
Despite the best efforts of the priests who had raised him in the church orphanage, my character was an idiot above and beyond just being a teenager. But he also was genuinely blessed by God as a divinely appointed monster hunter. As such he was utterly incompetent at everything except outside his miraculously granted expertise in physical fitness, monster hunting, and religion.

I nicknamed him Bishop Braindead.

He was the junior-most member of this party of grizzled monster-hunters though; so while it weirded out the other members of the team to have this kid switch between calmly planning out tactical sniping positions and struggling with his geography homework in the back of the van, it usually wasn't too big of big of a deal (well other than that war he almost started due to his consistent misremembering of the name of the ancient vampire Malkav, as Malkovich which happened to be the name of the Russian Ambassador).

Then we chased the big bad through a portal and ended up stranded in a medieval fantasy world where the Church wielded immense political power. So my idiot was the party's primary political backer and source of credibility. Including being the one nobles actually cared to talk to.

=========later while exploring the ship====================
Bishop Braindead discovers a large switch while exploring the ship. Reasoning it to be the "call elevator" switch and unable to read the actual signage underneath it, he throws the switch. The GM describes a deafening cracking noise followed by shaking as one of the ships weapon batteries fires a volley of nuclear hellfire to rain devastation down on enormous swathes of the countryside. Annoyed by the elevator being jammed, he tries flipping the switch a few more times to unjam it while the GM facepalms.

========= later in the same game ========
"Jaaaaaaade! Jade I need money for a hooker!" -says the penitent demonic were-bear as he tries to get the ONLY party member who actually concerns themselves with funding and income for the party ... to give him money to charitably donate to a hooker to help her get away from her pimp and move on to a better life.

===============later on in the same campaign==============
Not really funny but my favorite Bishop Braindead moment is when the party was going through a set of trials of worthiness to be able to claim the holy mcguffin sword from its resting place. Part of the trials involved a mirror match where each member of the party was separated and had to face a mirror image of themselves that would berate them about all the evil they'd done in their life and then fight them.

Bishop Braindead's double started going on about how he was actually the party member with the most innocent blood on his hands, by multiple orders of magnitude. And Bishop Braindead himself ... completely failed to engage with the topic. Because he was more worried about the fact that pass or fail, his double was going to die as soon as the trial was over. And while the spellwork of the trial apparently was able to create a full person, could it really be capable of birthing a soul? And if not then wouldn't that mean that this innocent newborn child of only a few minutes of age was doomed to nonexistence instead of an afterlife? And ... look all of this is REALLY CONCERNING and the two of us need to go pray on this together right now and I need to baptize you.

Yeah, every so often Bishop Braindead's "I'm actually really good at religion" bit would suckerpunch the GM's planned plot and utterly derail encounters.
 
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mastigos said:
========= later in the same game ========
"Jaaaaaaade! Jade I need money for a hooker!" -says the penitent demonic were-bear as he tries to get the ONLY party member who actually concerns themselves with funding and income for the party ... to give him money to charitably donate to a hooker to help her get away from her pimp and move on to a better life.
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Now I have to know - did he get the money?
 
Today's exalted game went a little off the rails.

We had a big setpiece fight with Smoke-from-stone, a volcano god who is not only incompetent, not only a doomsday prepper, but a Paradox player. (The villages will continue to be destroyed until he gets his build order right)

At the end of the fight, he has been forcibly discorporated, and Ruin* is trying to force him into a flame of exigence**. All of us are badly wounded, and my necromancer, Flint is on his last health level. After Ruin realizes that we can't force Smoke-from-stone into the flame, he proposes taking the red jade throne. Smoke-from-stone says we can't take his throne or the volcano will erupt.

So I,wounded, burned, and bleeding, say "This throne?", before, suspended from my necromantic bone spider***, staggering over and flopping into said chair, thus stealing it, and saying "My throne?"

And thanks to the wonderful magic of Mine By Right, Smoke-from-stone starts pointing out how I haven't used my throne in hundreds of years and if he can just borrow it for a little longer...

Getimians are fun, is what I'm saying.

*Not his full name
**longer story, also we may have had a run-in with Heaven's Dragons at one point
***Great for avoiding hazards
 
Having had a week to let things percolate and make sure they were actually memorable, it is time once again for the


Gamicon Lightning Round Extravaganza​

Wingspan: Very pretty game, has a cool birdfeeder dice tower.

Quad City Killers: One of the mechanics is that if you fail to kill a target, all the weapons used get tucked under them, the player who succeeds gets to take all the cards tucked under a target. One of the weapons is a dirty bomb. The dirty bomb consistently failed to kill its targets, leading to, over the course of the game, four seperate uses of a dirty bomb. Heads are going to roll for that. (Not the FBI agent that's impossible to kill though, that one died by suicide.) By the end we were graverobbing, killstealing, and doing all sorts of things.

FIASCO: Game did get cut short because we started late and had to be out of the room by midnight. Things started out fairly sedate, zoning concerns, trying to get out of a committee in the HOA, rumors of a haunted cabin, a little bit of blackmail. Y'know, the usual.

Then we started playing, and...
​

We ended with massive destruction of property, sabotage to the municiple water system, five corpses (only three of which were our fault!), involvemnt with organized crime, drug smuggling, one person getting framed for the murders of two of those people because I hid the decapitated heads in the haunted cabin. The cabin that is in no way actually hau- SLAM -o fuk.

Plus side, we managed to get rid of the hog lot and the two people who wanted off the committee are no longer on it. This is because they are probably in jail.

Terracotta Army: Very pretty game, has a lot of little soldier models, I'm pretty sure I won only because of the mosh pit. (We had nine or ten Officers all crammed together in one corner, that got nicknamed the mosh pit.)

Torchship, the game currently in testing by our very own @open_sketch : We open with the Di Renjie-7 on approach to Field Station 13, which has found several bodies under mysterious circumstances. Crew consists of Kim, a dolphin in an exoskeletal landwalker; Vee, an alien robot of mysterious origins; Tzakal Nyant Fi'Edmonton, a genetically augmented powerhouse specializing in paperwork; Pip Sinclair, arguably the only human in the group, though he's a Proximan, so the label is a bit wibbly; and Sliver-of-Stars, a four-and-a-half foot tall birb fren from a world that's kinda-sorta in medieval stasis.

By popular vote, we have Vehicle Commander Tzakal, on the grounds that she does the actual paperwork.

Pip performs an autopsy on the bodies, and the players fixate on the blood loss. After finding the secret passages thanks to Kim's echolocation and sending Vee's little drone buddy to investigate, they come to the conclusion that they are clearly dealing with space vampires. After spending some meta-narrative currency to make Research Specialist Jameson (For which I went around the table "What's the Specialist's name?" Jameson. "Where is Jameson from?" Texas. "What's one cool thing about Jameosn?" Jameson collects little tchotchkes from all the adventures. "What are Jameson's pronouns?" It/its. "What skill are they an expert at?" Physical Science.), who came through on basically every roll the players needed it for, or had it help with...

They figure that they are not dealing with an ordinary space vampire, but with a psychic space vampire.

Tzakal briefly warns away an alien rocket, reporting name AXLOTL, with some bureaucratic nonsense to keep them from docking for a time.. Since the AXLOTL is from the hypercapitalist power, I tell the players "They're no strangers to this. The translator must be overturned because you hear someone yelling off-screen 'Everybody take ten, grab a coffee, smoke 'em if you got 'em.'"

To which one of my players immediately responds "Don't punch out, this is overtime!"

Now knowing that they are facing a psychic space vampire, they come up with a plan wherein Pip whips up something to breifly make Sliver-of-Stars highly psychic. He does extremely well, so she's only going to have nasty hangover in the morning. They decide to hang around in the bar, waiting for something, when everyone gets mindwhammied. Slive-of-Stars gets up and starts heading for what the crew has dubbed 'the Murder Room'. Pip and Kim don't notice anything amiss. Tzakal does well on the roll, so she notices, and it is literally impossible for Vee to get mindwhammied by this.

Session ends with V.C. Tzakal using her specialty in Zinovian Poetry Slam to tackle the vampire while it goes in to nom on Sliver. Vee uses her drone to blast the vampire once Sliver-of-Stars is clear.

Silver: This was an official tournament, my table at quals had a very close game, with an eighteen-point spread between first place and last place by the end of round four. Finals went lightning fast, after a slow first round, round two ended with two face-up Villagers, we got told that we officially only had the table until 21:00, round three ended again because of two face-up villagers, and then round four went into voting as soon as one player got down to four cards. We did, in fact, get done before time was up.

Blazon: This is a resounding meh, even if I did do very well for my first time playing and got a nice promo pack.

Flashpoint: I had forgotten just how brutal the airport map is, and we had the fuel in the wings go up, leading to half the map being on fire. This is the first time I have lost a game of Flashpoint on easy due to running out of damage cubes.

Paco Ŝako: A fascinating game, and one I would love to play more of. Dancas kun la regxo( Dance with the king)
 
Ok so this just makes me chuckle at how fucking funny it is in retrospect.

I just asked one of my players to roll wisdom to clock why her friend with benefits has been a bit different lately. Essentially a girl rolled to understand girls and failed. Distilling the useless lesbian meme from first principles. :V :V :V
 
So, we're playing Starfinder, Dead Suns campaign. Minor first-act spoilers ahead.

Dramatis Personae: Our fourth player was absent, so there are three player characters involved: a ysoki[=ratfolk] Mechanic(A), an ambitious Technomancer[=Wizard] (B), and a religious fanatic Operative[=Rogue] (C). I'm C.

We are investigating a possible murder that took place during a gang shootout, with the background being a legal battle of two companies over a valuable derelict spaceship. We check out the club hangout of one of the gangs, and, to make a long story short, end up murderhoboing the gang boss. As one does.
Looting the bodies quickly revels a few nice guns, a couple credsticks, and a plot coupon. I say nice, good haul, let's grab it and get out of here before the rest of the gang (who the boss definitely had time to alert) come and catch us.
B: Wait, let's look further. What about their suits? We still have starter armor, I bet theirs is nicer.
(Literally undressing the gang boss ensues before the GM clarifies that it's simply the same as ours)
B: Crap. Maybe there is a bounty on the gang boss? Let's take their bodies with us as well and check..
C: Uh, we kinda should go. We're on a timer.
B: This is the backroom of a club. The sound equipment is probably worth something as well.
C: We have to go through the main floor of the club and past the bouncers to get out of here. We can't pilfer the fucking Hi-fi!
B: There are Dungeon Room Decoration Random Boxes™ here. Is there something good in them? We can also use them to carry the bodies with us out of here for the bounty.
C: You don't even know there is a bounty!

Ladies and Gentlemen, the train was rolling and could not be dissuaded. The incoming rest of the gang never materialized. Either the GM also wanted to see where this went, or the campaign book doesn't line out the possibility and he stuck to it.

1. We put the guns and the most immediately movable valuables into box 1.
2. The bodies of the gang boss, of her head flunky, and whatever else didn't fit in box 1, into boxes 2 and 3.
3. B hired a moving company to come and transport boxes 2+3 out of the club to an accessible location. Note that we haven't left the club yet.
4. B put on a holosuit disguise and mimicked the gang boss, while we (A and C) played the flunkies carrying box 1, to get past the bouncers. (In his defense, B was the only one with the body type to pull it off)
5. The club employees and bouncers caught on that something is off within seconds, but we do manage to make it out without shots being fired.
6. We did not recover our guns that we left at the club entrance, and B did call off the moving company.
7. B contacts no less than all of the following parties:
- Starfinder Society
- Absalom station security
- The rival gang
- The company(X) that had hired rival gang as proxies to oppose the first gang being proxies of their business rival(Y)
- The family of the original murder victim
and tries to convince/scam a bounty for the gang boss out of them, without much success. For the record, there is and never was any suggestion that any of them, even had they offered a bounty, would have asked for the body.

I wasn't even mad anymore, just amazed.


Later...

We get invited to the Eoxian embassy [Not Space Undead, but instead simply Undead IN SPACE!].
C: My character is a fanatical follower of Pharasma. [Goddess of the Dead] We're supposed to go to the Undead embassy? This is gonna go great.

I at first tried to play it as a "Have you heard of our Lady and Savior Pharasma? She commands that you stop existing!" routine, but on review of the setting lore and my character motivations, I decided there was no way he would tolerate being there without starting violence, and retconned that C simply stayed home.
Eoxian: Hello, dear Adventurers. Please go to Derelict Spaceship and find a plot coupon. We are just interested in a peaceful resolution of the legal issues and have no interest of our own in this. We're trustworthy Undead IN SPACE! Go advance the plot!
B: Well he seems nice and trustworthy. Okay.

Meanwhile, C gets contacted by one of the companies and invited to their offices.
Company Y: Bla bla bla we are company Y and we want to actualize synergies by leveraging you to operationalize a project onboard Derelict Spaceship, reacquire a plot coupon to promote our integrative business interest and advance the plot. Can we offer you some incentives?
C: Huh? Well, if you want to help, the Church of Pharasma is always happy about donations.
Company Y: (Ah, nice and uncomplicated corruption. How refreshingly direct!) But of course. We'll make a large donation to the local parish.
C: How nice of you to donate. I am in no way aware of the implication that you expect some quid pro pro.

(Company X also made a pitch, but that was uneventful)

So we're off, and two players are (on paper at least) beholden to different employers on who to return the plot coupon to. It's gonna be fun :D
Oh, and Player A's hyperactive tinkerer hamster may in fact be the sanest character in the group.
 
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It's been a long time since i've played, but I had an old DnD character named Grundle the Great, a Half-Orc Barbarian with an INT roll of 3.

We figured this was like... the absolute base possible intelligence to not be an animal, so I decided to RP Grundle as... developmentally disabled. This was like, 2004 so we used a different word at the time.

Grundle caused several problems.

We ventured through a dungeon and came upon a room with vast riches as far as the eye could see, and a lever.

Grundle pulled the lever. The floor gave way to a bottomless pit, sinking the riches for eternity.

We came upon a Necromancers lair, and in a trough of fetid, putrid black liquid we found a beating, black heart.

Grundle at the heart. The DM actually said... "No, you can't eat the heart. You need that." Grundle ate the heart anyway. Grundle needed a 20 roll to not immediately die. Grundle scored a 20 roll.

Grundle found in the same lair a little monster, stitched together from various body parts. Rather than kill the monster, Grundle made friends with it and kept it as his sidekick. The rest of the party kept trying to kill the "Meat Man" as Grundle called it and eventually succeeded, requiring the party to enter combat with Grundle, who had enough of their shit. Grundle would never forgive the party for their murder of Meat Man. Meat Man was nice. MEAT MAN WAS FRIEND! (Grundle may have eventually eaten Meat Man, but he never got the chance.)

But Grundle did some good, too.

The party became trapped in a circular room with no visible exit. The party tried all kinds of things but the room would not give up its secret.

Grundle became angry, put his head down, and charged head first into the wall... and ran through it, discovering the wall was but an illusion, freeing the group.

The party came across a group of female Orcs ready to do battle.

Grundle told the party to back off, and danced seductively for the female Orc party to great success, the Orcs were no longer hostile and temporarily took Grundle with them. For reasons. (Causing Grundle to be absent from a rather vicious fight that happened just a short while later.)

A gnome in the party came under a sleep spell and was unable to continue with the party.

Grundle put the gnome in a sack and carried on his back. However, due to no longer being able to wield a weapon and being overcome with barbarian bloodlust when entering combat, Grundle began to wildly swing the Gnome-sack at his enemies.
 
d20 modern: proccing a massive damage save on a boss and said boss failing it, which resulted in a dragon getting its head blown off with a KS-23.

it was caught on camera too, at least now we know what the russians made that hilarious monstrosity of a shotgun to hunt
 
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