Law School Simulator Quest, 2016

[X] Drink some beers

Improve your drunk-texting, drunk-driving and (Most important of it all) drunk-lawyering skills!
 
--> [ ] Acquire formal dress

While a good investment, especially when you start begging interviewing for your first summer unpaid internship you really have to budget yourself. You best friend will the rack at the major department stores when they have a sale if your parents haven't been really nice and want to help and have done this in advance. Men should pick a conservative suit and then add a bright but not flashy or garnish tie and defently no 'gimmick ties', women are STRONGLY recommend to get a skirt suit as opposed to a pants suit and you want the hemline to be a little above the knee but not mid-thigh you want to give a slight illusion but not give away the store.

--> [X] Go buy your textbooks

This will be the major sink cost which you will NOT get a return on (when you go to sell back your books, if they will even take them, you will get on average about a tenth back if you are lucky). I would HIGHLY recommend you get their before the others so that: A. you can get the cheaper (though still over inflated) used books and B. get the ones already highlighted (which while not always helpful does give a guide). The library will NOT be your friend, the professors know the tricks and they will "reserve" many of the textbooks used for your courses to force you to deal with the bookstore (and the kickback they'll get from the buying of the books that either they wrote or their friends wrote).

--> [ ] Google all your classes and professors

While helpful in knowing what's to come its not that important. They are the gatekeepers, their job is to separate the wheat from the chaff since the check has already cleared. Remember they are all out to get you and to keep on your toes and your wits about you.

--> [ ] Try to facebook stalk your classmates

Plenty of time for that in lecture/LRW and in the study groups.

Welcome to hell 1L, I'd say may God have mercy on your soul but I can't really be arsed to muster care for your worthless ass (but I can to take you down the notch you deserve).
 
[X] Purchase red contact lenses. That way, everyone will think you're a vampi- an already accredited lawyer.
 
[X] Go onto reddit and navigate to the shadier subreddits until you find a place to download all your textbooks for free.

My reasoning: If we are a lawyer, we are already morally bankrupt. So being an internet pirate is hardly a stretch in our Alignment category.
 
Last edited:
--> [ ] Get your stuff ready for tomorrow

While its always good to prepare for the next battle, remember there will always be something you forgot. Focus as much as to prepare on what you don't know/think on your feet than on what's in that cheatsheet book you plunked down 20 bucks for.

--> [X] Drink some beers

Best to start early but I would recommend whiskey or vodka... There is a larger initial investment but it gets you where you need to go quicker and so you end up saving money in the long term. And you should think in the long term, the big boys aren't hanging out in the frat doing keg stands chasing the chicks dumb enough to come to the party. No they sit in their office pounding whisky and scotch while the secretaries and interns come to them. Imagine where you want to be and plot the course accordingly.

--> [ ] Go to bed early

Plenty of time to sleep when your dead. When the partner needs the memo or brief tomorrow you'll thank yourself for divorcing your pitiful shell from such base wants.
 
Last edited:
3. Beer, Beer, Makes you Healthy, Wealthy and Wise...or Late To Class
[X] Drink some beers

Tuesday, September 6, 2016.

You stumble into Legal Research and Writing at 8:31 AM with a pounding head, bloodshot eyes, and a dry mouth. The classroom is a lecture theatre-style, with tiered tables holding about seventy-five students. It's already packed to the gills. The only open seats are in the front row, directly in front of the podium, at the professor's eye level. Every person has a laptop open in front of them, and 95% of them are on Facebook. 50% of those are playing Tetris.

"So glad you could join us," Professor Dink says, his voice dripping with contempt. "You're lucky this isn't a courtroom and I'm not a judge, or I would have cited you for contempt and you'd be in jail."

You pour yourself into a seat as the class laughs. You open your macbook and pop up facebook. The class chat is already buzzing as Professor Dink starts talking about statements of claim and defenses and rules of civil procedure.

Do you:

--> [ ] Facebook that cute [Guy/Girl] the row over
--> [ ] Facebook a good, non-law friend
--> [ ] Try to take notes
 
[x] turn on the voice recorder app
-[x] video the lesson if you've got a decent camera on your laptop
-[x] Facebook a good, non-law friend
 
[x] Facebook that cute [Guy/Girl] the row over

10 cents says they're chatting with their boyfriend/girlfriend when you try.
 
[X] Drink some beers

Tuesday, September 6, 2016.

You stumble into Legal Research and Writing at 8:31 AM with a pounding head, bloodshot eyes, and a dry mouth. (LokNote: You have taken your first step into a wider world young Padawan.) The classroom is a lecture theatre-style, with tiered tables holding about seventy-five students. It's already packed to the gills. The only open seats are in the front row, directly in front of the podium, at the professor's eye level. Every person has a laptop open in front of them, and 95% of them are on Facebook. 50% of those are playing Tetris (LokNote: Tetris? They need to get with the times and play Bejewled).

"So glad you could join us," Professor Dink says, his voice dripping with contempt. "You're lucky this isn't a courtroom and I'm not a judge, or I would have cited you for contempt and you'd be in jail."

You pour yourself into a seat as the class laughs. You open your macbook and pop up facebook. The class chat is already buzzing as Professor Dink starts talking about statements of claim and defenses and rules of civil procedure.

Do you:


--> [ ] Facebook that cute [Guy/Girl] the row over

Plenty of time to chat her up when class is over and everyone decamps to the lounge.

--> [ ] Facebook a good, non-law friend

They are dead to you now. They will never understand the SIGHTS you will now behold and any attempt to explain will sound like the jibbering rants of a madman to the uninitiated.

--> [ X] Try to take notes

Yes, it is good to get a start on your speed writing and/or typing skillz now because when it is time for the bar that is what will count... Not the haggling over opera gloves and peppercorns, not who is responsible when a bale of hay clonks your client on the head, not even O to A and who is O and who is A and why B has a beef with it and where the HELL Blackacres is located... No in the end what matters is... SSSSSSPPPPPEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDD and the ability to cover that blue book in penmanship!
 
[ X] Try to take notes

As a first year college student, some of the opinions displayed in this thread worry me.
 
Better yet, get an upper-year friend who'll pass you the notes from last year. Then you only need to make small alterations.

This, so much this. Unless there was a sudden change in focus for the module or a change in lecturer (unfortunate truth at times) old notes will be very helpful.
 
[X] Try to take notes

We must then acquire all the coffee after class


EDIT: BASICALLY WE WILL BE LIKE



ALL THE TIME
 
Last edited:
Get a recording device or a decent voice recorder app on your phone. Saved me loads of trouble when I couldn't make the notes fast enough.

Better yet, get an upper-year friend who'll pass you the notes from last year. Then you only need to make small alterations.

This, so much this. Unless there was a sudden change in focus for the module or a change in lecturer (unfortunate truth at times) old notes will be very helpful.

Oh sweet summer Padawans do you not listen to sage wisdom of your elders...

[X] Try to take notes

We must then acquire all the coffee after class

Good excuse to chat up the cute girl.
 
[X] Record the lecture with your computer.
-[X] Try and take notes while making doodles of the professor with a Hitler mustache.
 
[ ] Take notes!
Our protagonist is a good student, yes indeedy!

... on the other hand, our protagonist maybe wants to stay grounded, so perhaps
[x] Facebook a good, non-law friend

Maybe this is the path to the good end? (i.e., getting the hell out of law and into a much saner career?)
 
[X] Yell I OBJECT in a suitably impressive and dramatic manner, when the professor inevitably calls on you to answer a question, when it becomes blatantly clear you are falling asleep in his class.
 
[Q] Play Ace Attorney on your laptop.

[X] Run a google search of anything you don't recognize that the Prof says
--[X] Run a google search on anything you think you understand, as well.
--[X] Copy paste the URL of any results that seem relevant into a wordpad document to read later, with the search you ran on top and the URLs in bullets beneath.
 
Back
Top