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Great Grand-Uncle Schimmelhorn's Toolbox
- Thread starter mp3.1415player
- Start date
I used to have an account with Yon Big Online Service. One day, they had a server crap out. No problem, just restore from backup, right? Wrong. They'd backed up religiously every day, but apparently forgot to verify the backups. It turned out that the most recent good backup they had was from three months before the server crash.
Ace Dreamer
Verified Reality User
- Location
- Between The Unknown & The Known
I once helped a business recreate their website using the Wayback Machine... The business not only didn't take backups, the person that did the website for them didn't have any effective ones either... The only place the (large, unique) images existed that were used on the website, was on the website...
Moral? Make your own backups, test them, don't believe "Of course we'll handle all that!".
How would Papa handle this issue? Probably by use of a Time Machine... Then, sneak into the premises with a spy camera, and record everything... And, get distracted by a... generously-built (zoftig?) lady, working late, and forget he's there to photograph documents, not her...
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- Location
- Whadjuk Noongar boodja
((Backing-up beneath would be good, but, there appear to be technical issues.))
I mean, the versioning issues alone! Could be a mite awkward to accidentally pull a back-up you haven't made yet, not to mention the rather more so reverse of that situation.
Worse still, how would it be to discover that your suddenly vitally important back-up had been over-written by yourself on a different time-line? And which would be the worst of that, a time-line only slightly divergent from 'yours', or one wildly divergent?
The thought that the plumage you so painstakingly perfected for it's unmistakable sartorial and social devastation upon it's impending deployment has been witlessly hijacked by A MAMMAL of all things! Those irritating vermin can't even see a large chunk of the colours required to appreciate the best parts of the effect! Oh, the huge manatee!
At least one of them!
A breading ground‽‽‽ Those fiends! Proof, as if any further were needed, that Wildbow was both a bounder and a cad of the very highest order! Why, for a heretic of such ilk quick coating in crumbs and then frying is far too good for the likes of him!
- Location
- Whadjuk Noongar boodja
Ace Dreamer
Verified Reality User
- Location
- Between The Unknown & The Known
Just goes to show semantic, syntactic and spelling checks are desirable. So, don't loaf around!A breading ground‽‽‽ Those fiends! Proof, as if any further were needed, that Wildbow was both a bounder and a cad of the very highest order! Why, for a heretic of such ilk quick coating in crumbs and then frying is far too good for the likes of him!
I don't recall which science fiction author introduced me to the term... Allegedly 'zoftig' and 'zaftig' mean much the same thing. Allegedly.
I recall a friend of a friend who was... irked that his new wife was called 'fat' by one of his less... thoughtful associates. He suggested a cast-iron frying pan might be a good counter-argument, and that another friend had commented she looked capable of pulling a tractor out of a ditch...
Weddings can be places where it's wise to lurk in the background... You can hope that there isn't an... unfortunate divorce in the near-ish future... Wasn't in this case...
Weddings can be places where it's wise to lurk in the background... You can hope that there isn't an... unfortunate divorce in the near-ish future... Wasn't in this case...
Might we speculate what Danny and Annette's wedding was like?
...
While we are at it, Papa had steam-powered anti-grav... What could Trainwreck do with that? Would that make him eager to work with the DWA?
(The tiny black holes might be an issue, though...)
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- Location
- Wagga Wagga
Chapter 27, there's a plot hole in this paragraph. I don't believe Piggot knows at this point Calvert is Coil. She knows Calvert was responsible for the PRT leaking like a sieve, and she knows Calvert has gone missing, and presumably she could also have found out around this point Coil is also missing, but unless I've missed something I'm pretty sure she doesn't know Calvert is Coil.
There's another instance of this in Chapter 28, as well.
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This is from Chapter 11. As you can see, they were certain that Calvert was Coil.
- Location
- Whadjuk Noongar boodja
And so it does!
zoftig /zäf′tĭk, -tĭg/ adjective
- Alternative spelling of zaftig.
- (of a female body) healthily plump and vigorous.
#TIL #Huzzah!
I'd almost pity the fool that made a similar comment at that wedding, except that A) Danny would be looking MURDER at anyone foolish enough to say anything similarly disparaging about Annette, let alone at the wedding, and B) Danny wouldn't get to so much as lift a finger, cause either Annette would have already pulled the offender's arms off, or worse still, laughed it off (probably with an extremely cutting comment) while plotting a fittingly unpleasant and untraceable revenge some time that the fool in question wouldn't even see it coming. Not that there would be any doubt about who was responsible, but it wouldn't be at all provable, naturally. She was somewhere else entirely at the time, and any number of people would be extremely happy to say so.
Nor would there be anyone willing to contradict it at all. 😓
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Disapointed that it wasn't Edgar Dallon-Crow
M. H. Fuzzball
Aperture Science-certified Horrible Person
- Location
- Sector 2814
That would just be an insult. Edgar's a raven; that's why Amy named him that in the first place.
- Location
- Canada
Anyone who called Annette fat would be laughed out of the gathering; Taylor inherited her tall, lank physique from both parents.
Ace Dreamer
Verified Reality User
- Location
- Between The Unknown & The Known
If it happened, and anyone knowing Danny and/or Annette would be slightly unwise to do so, it would far more likely be a comment, like, them (or their children) not needing poles to grow beans up...
The basic point was insulting the bride's appearance, at her wedding, isn't... the smartest thing to do.
...
Also, don't know if it's just me, but... U.N.I.O.N., if you mangle it, a bit, might be pronounced un-eon - does that sound... a bit too close to 'onion' to you?
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SanguisAnima
Σ Series Z10/0 Group A 4A-GELU Mk1
- Location
- nowhere important
Either that, or 'un-ion'.
I mean, there's got to be something beneficial from un-ionizing, right?
- Location
- Whadjuk Noongar boodja
There is. Most 'distilled' water you buy these days is actually de-ionised (at least in my experience). DE-ionised, UN-ionised, same diff.
Ace Dreamer
Verified Reality User
- Location
- Between The Unknown & The Known
Always Look On The Bright Side... 1 (Omake)
The final note. Of the reversed tune. As she played it there's no more music on the sheet. Blank.
A tissue. Mopping her forehead, face. A second one. A hiss as she cracked a water bottle. Drank deep.
Legs, two. Arms, two. No cat ears in her hair, nor slinky tail. Still female, her hair looked the same. OK?
The bottle of crystal ink, mixed with colloidal silver, that she'd penned the tune with, looked empty. Holding it up, looked dry. That was probably for the best.
Her bedroom... looked mostly OK. It'd seemed best to be somewhere familiar to try this, as she was pretty sure no gnurrs or similar would arrive. Skateboard? Where did...
A different life rushed in on her. First day of school, falling off her skateboard at Greg Veder's feet. How... amazing he looked, the unconscious presence. His role as the Monster Slayer, that was a later find.
What had she said, looking up at him? Her throat closed with horror. Gods!
"Can I have you?"
---
Calmer. Drinking the rest of the bottle, a sip at a time. Breathing control, she'd read about, somewhere. What was going on?
It went back about a week. Probing stranger parts of beneath. Finding... a weird area of... islands? mountains? hidden glades? None of that was right. They all felt... special, but empty, so sadly empty. The marble palaces, the mead hall, the oasis, grand palaces in the skies. No signs of life, except a glade, in familiar-looking woods, with a sign, 'Gone Fishin'.
That night she'd dreamed, annoyed groups of splendid, if some terrifying, men and women, some animals, some mixtures. Scattered across different places. Beyond locked gates, barred, looking immovable. Some looked around, possibly sensing her watching. One, a man-ape in oriental-looking clothes, looked straight at her. Winked.
She woke.
---
The half-familiar 'burr' of her Hunter Phone. Reflexively pulling out (from hammerspace?), flip open, looking at... Dennis?
"Taylor? Do you recall being my friend from childhood? Us hunting monsters together? Because I do."
A gulp, a shaken head. Honest not wiping a tear from his eye.
"My father... is here, at home. No cancer, and he says he half-recalls a second life, as a psychologist, absentee parent. Taylor, you were always the smart one, with the plans. No matter how much Greg thought he said what goes. But, I don't think we were friends-for-ever, before this evening."
Another gulp.
"Help?"
---
AN: Always Look On The Bright Side (Of Life), possibly slight variation... And, Wikipedia...
AN: I'll throw in Greg Veder, just in case. Have a Dennis, as well!
AN: I'm sure Buffy the Vampire Slayer has nothing whatever to do with this. No...
AN: Fair Warning, this is episode one, and a significant amount of this has inflicted itself on me. Can it be rendered into text? We'll see.
Next >
The final note. Of the reversed tune. As she played it there's no more music on the sheet. Blank.
A tissue. Mopping her forehead, face. A second one. A hiss as she cracked a water bottle. Drank deep.
Legs, two. Arms, two. No cat ears in her hair, nor slinky tail. Still female, her hair looked the same. OK?
The bottle of crystal ink, mixed with colloidal silver, that she'd penned the tune with, looked empty. Holding it up, looked dry. That was probably for the best.
Her bedroom... looked mostly OK. It'd seemed best to be somewhere familiar to try this, as she was pretty sure no gnurrs or similar would arrive. Skateboard? Where did...
A different life rushed in on her. First day of school, falling off her skateboard at Greg Veder's feet. How... amazing he looked, the unconscious presence. His role as the Monster Slayer, that was a later find.
What had she said, looking up at him? Her throat closed with horror. Gods!
"Can I have you?"
---
Calmer. Drinking the rest of the bottle, a sip at a time. Breathing control, she'd read about, somewhere. What was going on?
It went back about a week. Probing stranger parts of beneath. Finding... a weird area of... islands? mountains? hidden glades? None of that was right. They all felt... special, but empty, so sadly empty. The marble palaces, the mead hall, the oasis, grand palaces in the skies. No signs of life, except a glade, in familiar-looking woods, with a sign, 'Gone Fishin'.
That night she'd dreamed, annoyed groups of splendid, if some terrifying, men and women, some animals, some mixtures. Scattered across different places. Beyond locked gates, barred, looking immovable. Some looked around, possibly sensing her watching. One, a man-ape in oriental-looking clothes, looked straight at her. Winked.
She woke.
---
The half-familiar 'burr' of her Hunter Phone. Reflexively pulling out (from hammerspace?), flip open, looking at... Dennis?
"Taylor? Do you recall being my friend from childhood? Us hunting monsters together? Because I do."
A gulp, a shaken head. Honest not wiping a tear from his eye.
"My father... is here, at home. No cancer, and he says he half-recalls a second life, as a psychologist, absentee parent. Taylor, you were always the smart one, with the plans. No matter how much Greg thought he said what goes. But, I don't think we were friends-for-ever, before this evening."
Another gulp.
"Help?"
---
AN: Always Look On The Bright Side (Of Life), possibly slight variation... And, Wikipedia...
AN: I'll throw in Greg Veder, just in case. Have a Dennis, as well!
AN: I'm sure Buffy the Vampire Slayer has nothing whatever to do with this. No...
AN: Fair Warning, this is episode one, and a significant amount of this has inflicted itself on me. Can it be rendered into text? We'll see.
Next >
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Ace, you're a menace.
How did Taylor manage to rewrite her memories/universe to include herself as The One Who Sees, Veder as She Who Hangs Out in Cemeteries, and Dennis as The Red Witch?
Omake - oh Hell No!
Fever dream, mos def
Pleas, please please dig a hole, line it in concrete and adamantium, load it in, seal it up, bury it under several thousand feet of dwarf start alloy, and never, ever, mention it again.
How did Taylor manage to rewrite her memories/universe to include herself as The One Who Sees, Veder as She Who Hangs Out in Cemeteries, and Dennis as The Red Witch?
Omake - oh Hell No!
Fever dream, mos def
Pleas, please please dig a hole, line it in concrete and adamantium, load it in, seal it up, bury it under several thousand feet of dwarf start alloy, and never, ever, mention it again.
Ace Dreamer
Verified Reality User
- Location
- Between The Unknown & The Known
Always Look On The Bright Side... 2 (Omake)
< First
Amy started awake. Graphic novel in her lap. Looked around, at her bedroom. Everything seemed alright.
The books were sent to her by the son of a grateful ex-patient. A story of Mad Science, in a fantasy version of Europe. Imported from Earth Alph, semi-officially. It was fun to loose yourself in a world not your own.
Maybe that was why she recalled strange half-dreams? A struggle with something trying to change her? She didn't want to be a goth-y boy called 'Amul'. She was The Amy! No, The Dark Lady Amy! Shaking her head. Amy Dallon. That was enough.
Edgar turned his head to one side. Regarded her. Made a faint questioning noise.
Blurred, a cloud of feathers, something dark settled in her chair.
Oh.
---
Girl in a dark robe, hood-up. Looking at her. A slightly grey-ish skin tone, maybe a bit like a cat? She'd once seen a shaved patch, to treat a rat-bite. A glint of something red on her forehead. A gold and dark red gem clasp at her throat.
Was she a bit in shock?
The girl got up. Paused. Held up her right hand, looked at it front and back. Gave a brief, small, smile. Stepped back into the centre of the room. Dropped to one knee, head bowed.
"I am your loyal servant, Raven Edgar. Leader of your Dark Wing. An Eternal Servant to Her Most Terrible Majesty, The Dark Lady Amy. May I rise, and go forth, to do your Dark Will?"
She paused. Looked up at an open-mouthed Amy. Slowly got her her feet.
Looked at both hands, this time, front and back. Looked pleased. Reached out towards the desk, a dark extension of her shadow plucking an apple from the far side. Took a bite. Looked thoughtful. Shadow billowing out, slowly lifting into the air. Then down again.
"Neat!"
"Vicky, The Golden One, kept drilling me on that speech. You know, human throats, just aren't as good as raven ones. Did I get it right?"
...
"Amy?"
"You OK?"
---
The girl had fetched her a glass of water. Shifted back to raven. Edgar. Then girl again. Sat back down on the chair. She was wearing some sort of tunic under the robe. A fancy-looking belt. Bare legs. Soft boots. It looked... stylish and comfortable.
"I think... something strange happened. I felt like there was a load of choices. So, I choose what I thought felt most useful to you. And me, of course."
"Are you... still Edgar?"
A thoughtful pause.
"I think so. I can clearly remember all my life, since drinking from that strange pool, in The Docks. Finding it difficult to be a raven. Getting injured. You healing me. My new life with you. And, another life, but much fainter. The city looking different, no bay. Me and the rest of the Wing, helping keep people safe, from... something. That's a bit unclear. Sorry."
"Two lives? I felt something strange. But, I resisted it."
"Ah. Even the greatest Powers can not stand against te Will of the Dark Lady Amy!"
"Stop that! And sit down again. You look... silly thrusting your fist into the air like that."
"OK. Hands are neat, aren't they? The ways I'll be able to tease Carol..."
"Probably best to stick to raven doing that. Give me your hand. I want to check some things."
Hand holding.
"Right. You seem basically human, but there's something extra, that keeps dodging around my attempts to look at it. Nothing which explains how you change shape, or fly. or do that shadow-arm thing. And, you're not a parahuman. None of the brain changes."
"I told you. I'm Raven Edgar, leader of your Dark Wing!"
"Stop that. Can you take your cloak off, or is it part of you?"
"Let's try!"
Cloak hung over back of chair. A few seconds, it fades to wisps of shadow, which flutter across and rejoin Edgar's. They look at each other. Head cocked to one side, scrunched brow, a pause then it reforms on Edgar.
"Nice! I still retain some of your Dark Magic!" A pause. "Guess I'll have to see if I can learn any more!"
"I don't have any magic, dark or otherwise. Best as I know. What was that about a Dark Wing?"
Striding over and opening the window. A whistle. A dark-feathered flow. Suddenly, the room is crowded with dark-robed girls.
"This is Raven Who, Raven What, and Raven Don't Know. I expect you can guess the names of the rest of the Team..."
---
AN: Who's On First?... Baseball...
AN: Sorry, @Assembler Maniac , it was already Too Late...
Next >
< First
Amy started awake. Graphic novel in her lap. Looked around, at her bedroom. Everything seemed alright.
The books were sent to her by the son of a grateful ex-patient. A story of Mad Science, in a fantasy version of Europe. Imported from Earth Alph, semi-officially. It was fun to loose yourself in a world not your own.
Maybe that was why she recalled strange half-dreams? A struggle with something trying to change her? She didn't want to be a goth-y boy called 'Amul'. She was The Amy! No, The Dark Lady Amy! Shaking her head. Amy Dallon. That was enough.
Edgar turned his head to one side. Regarded her. Made a faint questioning noise.
Blurred, a cloud of feathers, something dark settled in her chair.
Oh.
---
Girl in a dark robe, hood-up. Looking at her. A slightly grey-ish skin tone, maybe a bit like a cat? She'd once seen a shaved patch, to treat a rat-bite. A glint of something red on her forehead. A gold and dark red gem clasp at her throat.
Was she a bit in shock?
The girl got up. Paused. Held up her right hand, looked at it front and back. Gave a brief, small, smile. Stepped back into the centre of the room. Dropped to one knee, head bowed.
"I am your loyal servant, Raven Edgar. Leader of your Dark Wing. An Eternal Servant to Her Most Terrible Majesty, The Dark Lady Amy. May I rise, and go forth, to do your Dark Will?"
She paused. Looked up at an open-mouthed Amy. Slowly got her her feet.
Looked at both hands, this time, front and back. Looked pleased. Reached out towards the desk, a dark extension of her shadow plucking an apple from the far side. Took a bite. Looked thoughtful. Shadow billowing out, slowly lifting into the air. Then down again.
"Neat!"
"Vicky, The Golden One, kept drilling me on that speech. You know, human throats, just aren't as good as raven ones. Did I get it right?"
...
"Amy?"
"You OK?"
---
The girl had fetched her a glass of water. Shifted back to raven. Edgar. Then girl again. Sat back down on the chair. She was wearing some sort of tunic under the robe. A fancy-looking belt. Bare legs. Soft boots. It looked... stylish and comfortable.
"I think... something strange happened. I felt like there was a load of choices. So, I choose what I thought felt most useful to you. And me, of course."
"Are you... still Edgar?"
A thoughtful pause.
"I think so. I can clearly remember all my life, since drinking from that strange pool, in The Docks. Finding it difficult to be a raven. Getting injured. You healing me. My new life with you. And, another life, but much fainter. The city looking different, no bay. Me and the rest of the Wing, helping keep people safe, from... something. That's a bit unclear. Sorry."
"Two lives? I felt something strange. But, I resisted it."
"Ah. Even the greatest Powers can not stand against te Will of the Dark Lady Amy!"
"Stop that! And sit down again. You look... silly thrusting your fist into the air like that."
"OK. Hands are neat, aren't they? The ways I'll be able to tease Carol..."
"Probably best to stick to raven doing that. Give me your hand. I want to check some things."
Hand holding.
"Right. You seem basically human, but there's something extra, that keeps dodging around my attempts to look at it. Nothing which explains how you change shape, or fly. or do that shadow-arm thing. And, you're not a parahuman. None of the brain changes."
"I told you. I'm Raven Edgar, leader of your Dark Wing!"
"Stop that. Can you take your cloak off, or is it part of you?"
"Let's try!"
Cloak hung over back of chair. A few seconds, it fades to wisps of shadow, which flutter across and rejoin Edgar's. They look at each other. Head cocked to one side, scrunched brow, a pause then it reforms on Edgar.
"Nice! I still retain some of your Dark Magic!" A pause. "Guess I'll have to see if I can learn any more!"
"I don't have any magic, dark or otherwise. Best as I know. What was that about a Dark Wing?"
Striding over and opening the window. A whistle. A dark-feathered flow. Suddenly, the room is crowded with dark-robed girls.
"This is Raven Who, Raven What, and Raven Don't Know. I expect you can guess the names of the rest of the Team..."
---
Yeah, there's quite a few, from 1980 onwards... This one is based on Teen Titans (2003).
Note: This is NOT the Raven from 'Teen Titans Go!'. Never. Not A Chance. Clear?
You want your colour-coding?
Note: This is NOT the Raven from 'Teen Titans Go!'. Never. Not A Chance. Clear?
You want your colour-coding?
AN: Who's On First?... Baseball...
AN: Sorry, @Assembler Maniac , it was already Too Late...
Next >
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- Location
- Canada
Exactly the right number of Ravens. Nice touch.
Ace Dreamer
Verified Reality User
- Location
- Between The Unknown & The Known
Some might say that's too many Ravens in one room... Won't be the full three or four dozen, of course. That'd definitely be too many. Guess those'd be on the Reserve Team.
So... Taylor accidentally crossed over her world with another? At least partially, anyway.
How far does it go?
How far does it go?
3. Omake (for now...) - Another Agent Appears
New
- Location
- The general area. Possibly behind you.
Blame the Taylor Varga Discord group, again, for this oddity...
Now, I'm not saying it's canon, because it's not, but I'm not saying it will never be. Because I can't
In any case, I have used an hour or so of my holiday time to make this happen, so here you go
Now, I'm not saying it's canon, because it's not, but I'm not saying it will never be. Because I can't
In any case, I have used an hour or so of my holiday time to make this happen, so here you go
Edgar looked down from where he was perched, his head cocked inquisitively. Below him the bedraggled mass of fur twitched and emitted a muffled sound, then went still again. Snow blew around it, white flakes mixing with the underlying black to leave a speckled gray. He snapped his beak thoughtfully, cocking his head the other way, then looked around. It was starting to get dark, and colder. The other ravens he'd spread the word of the Amy to had left to pass it on, and he was currently alone.
Except for a small and obviously dying creature twenty feet away.
After another quick glance about, he spread his wings and dropped off the edge of the building he'd been standing on, gliding down to land in the snow a foot away from the furry lump. Inspecting it closely he leaned in, before cautiously poking the half-grown kitten, not quite a cat, that was shivering in the snow. He could see ribs protruding under the fur and the sight brought back a memory he didn't enjoy, the pain and cold and sensation of fading away… Until the Amy happened to him. Something he would always consider the best thing in his life, and the source of boundless fun and entertainment, as well as wonderful food.
Feeling curious and thoughtful, he prodded the dying cat with his beak again, getting a tiny grunt in response, and one half-opened eye for a moment. He could see despair in that green orb as their gazes met, before the lid dropped again.
Edgar examined the creature as he pondered the situation. It would solve itself soon enough, and that was the way of the world after all, but… Had not the Amy shown that the world was far more than simply life, death, and repeat? She had saved him, and dozens of the Flock. Hundreds more spread her reputation far and wide, ensuring that she would always be known to them and loved.
What would the Amy do?
The Amy was merciful, and kind. And kind of shouty when you gave the gift of ice in the ear, but no one was perfect. She still loved him, he knew full well.
And she wouldn't let this cat die. He was sure of that.
Perhaps he could get her and bring her back here?
Peering at the animal in front of him, he realized that it wouldn't last that long. He'd have to fly all the way home, convey the urgency of the problem somehow, get her to get the Vicky to fly both of them all the way back… it would take too long. By the time they got here, it would be too late, he suspected.
What else could he do? Lifting his head he looked around once more. There were plenty of humans not that far away, but he doubted he could persuade any of them to follow him without a lot of effort and luck. Again, it would take too long.
There had to be… Ah. Of course. That might work. And it wouldn't take much time so if it didn't, he might still be able to do something else. Worth a try, certainly.
With one last look at the snow-covered kitten, which was shivering less and less, something he was sure wasn't good, he took off and flapped hard, soaring over the buildings towards where he'd found the glowing water which did odd things. He knew there was still some left, he'd checked, and had been wondering what else it could do. Now he had both an experimental subject and a good reason to find out.
Diving towards the location, he could see in the dimness a familiar odd glow. Feeling pleased, he landed and hopped closer, leaning down to stare into the little crevice in the rock. Sure enough a puddle of glowing fluid met his eyes. He studied it, his head on one side. Was the glow brighter than before?
After a moment he decided it didn't matter. If anything, a brighter glow meant it was even better, he decided. So all he had to do was work out how to get the stuff to the cat. Looking around he spotted some of the discarded items humans tended to leave around the place, and moved over to investigate the items. Sure enough, it didn't take long poking through the pile of odds and ends to come up with a small container made of some sort of transparent orange hard stuff with a white cover on top. He retrieved it in his beak, then went back to the glowing fluid. Having seen the Carol open a similar container at the Amy's house, he knew how the top worked. Putting a foot on the orange part he held it tightly then pried the lid off with his beak, which only took a moment.
Left with an open receptacle, Edgar tipped it upright, picked it up carefully in the tip of his beak, then dropped down into the sheltered hollow where the glowing stuff formed a shallow puddle, which for some reason didn't seem to want to freeze. Scooping the container full of it, he made sure he didn't spill any as he flapped a couple of times and ended up back where he'd been. Eyeing the lid, then the container he was still holding, he finally put the latter down and picked the former up, then carefully refitted it and pushed down. The white material snapped into place with a click, making him clack his beak in satisfaction. Now he wouldn't spill any.
Grasping the container in his foot he took off again, rapidly flying back to the cat, which was still lying ominously still and nearly buried under fresh snow. Landing next to it he worked on opening the container again without spilling the contents, which took a certain amount of effort, then when he'd managed that he turned to the next problem. How to get the glowing stuff inside the cat?
In the end he tried biting the end of its tail a few times, which provoked a couple of faint aggrieved protests and a weak movement. It was still alive at least, which was good. Prodding the animal with his beak he pushed it around until it was lying more or less on its back, the mouth lolling open as nearly closed eyes seemed to be asking for mercy. That was good enough. He carefully picked the container up in his beak, his head twisted to the side, then poured some into the cat's mouth. It choked, sputtered, and swallowed. Pleased, he did it again, and again, until the container was empty and the cat was full.
Then he stepped back to watch what happened.
A few seconds passed. Then a few seconds more, as he peered at the cat with interest. After another moment or two he realized that the snow on it was melting unnaturally rapidly, running down the fur onto the ground. A slowly widening patch surrounding the cat became apparent as heat radiated from it along with a similar glow to that which the liquid possessed, making him tip his head from side to side and stare curiously. Had that happened when he'd drunk the stuff? He recalled feeling hot, then lightheaded… Things after that were a little hazy for a while.
It was very pretty, if nothing else. Shiny, that was the right word.
Steam rose from black fur, and more snow melted. The cat made a strange sound... several strange sounds including some rather unnerving crackling ones which were reminiscent of bones being crunched. As he watched, fascinated, he was certain the animal bulked up a little. It was certainly looking much less like it was on the verge of death, he noted with satisfaction. Clearly the glowing stuff was good for you.
A loud screech sounded as the cat's fur all stood on end, sparks crackling from it, in a display that made him retreat in surprise. Possibly the glowing stuff was too good for you. It was certainly potent, that much was obvious.
The animal shot to its feet as if it had been electrocuted, ran in a circle a few times making a weird wailing noise, then dashed towards the nearest building and ran straight up the side. Edgar watched it disappear over the roof with a slightly open beak, blinked, and took off to follow it.
His experiment seemed to be even more successful than he'd expected! The Amy would be proud.
Following the sounds of a highly overcharged and slightly delirious feline that was pretty definitely not on the verge of imminent death any more, the raven glided over the buildings. He observed with amusement a number of startled humans who had seen a glowing cat shoot past them like a bullet, a certain amount of structural damage where the buildings hadn't got out of the way in time, and general chaos overall, which he felt was testament to how good his idea had been. Crashing sounds and confusion followed in the wake of the cat as it dashed hither and yon all over the landscape, with Edgar watching from above, until eventually the animal ran out of juice and collapsed in a slightly steaming heap half a mile from where he'd found it.
Landing near it, he tilted his head and watched it pant heavily, the glow diminishing until it extinguished entirely. Left behind was a very much alive and very much totally befuddled cat which stared at him through eyes that still seemed to have a hint of that odd glow at the back. "Kronk!" he announced cheerfully, which made the cat wince and paw one ear.
It had the feline equivalent to the expression he'd seen on the Carol after he'd amused himself with her. Interesting.
"Mow," it retorted in a somewhat the-Amy-like acerbic way. He tipped his head and clacked his beak in amusement. The cat stared at him then looked down at itself, seeming a touch surprised but overall in good health. He noted it was still thin but not like a skeleton covered in fur any more. So that had worked at least. Looking around he spotted one of the metal receptacles humans put surprisingly large amounts of food in for some reason, and hopped over to it, flapping up onto the lid. Grasping the handle in both claws he flapped hard, backwards, which neatly yoinked the lid free, then let go as it cleared the container.
Landing on the rim he looked into the thing, not taking long to find some perfectly serviceable bits of chicken bone with some meat on them, along with something edible but unidentifiable. Picking these out he flicked them towards his new friend, who watched first curiously, then ravenously. Moments later the cat was eating frantically.
Being saved from certain death by glowing stuff built up quite an appetite, he thought, digging around for more edible material. When he'd found everything easily accessible he dropped to the ground next to the cat and waited for it to stop gorging itself, which took a while.
Eventually, though, it finished crunching up the last bone, swallowed, and licked its lips. Looking at him, it flicked an ear. "Meow?"
"Kronk."
"Mew."
"Kronk!"
It stared at him.
He made a sound of amusement. The cat blinked, then looked around. Returning its gaze to him quizzically, it reached out with one paw and gently touched his beak, which he let happen. Apparently satisfied both of them were real, the cat made a sort of bemused growl, then looked around again. Edgar chirped at it, took off, and flapped upwards to get a clear look around. As the animal watched from below, he circled around, before spotting a couple of humans he recognized walking on the street a little distance away, heading in the direction away from the water.
The Taylor and the Lisa. Perfect.
This would work out wonderfully for everyone. He was sure of that…
Diving towards the cat he zoomed over its head, kronked happily at it, then headed down the alley they'd ended up in. The cat looked around in bemusement, but got up and trotted after him. He made sure to land occasionally and let it catch up, but was impressed by how quick it was. And how it so effectively seemed to vanish into the shadows when a vehicle drove past, the lights bright in the now-dark street. They followed the route the Taylor and the Lisa had taken, catching up with them just as they reached their home. Edgar landed next to the cat which was looking at the two humans from a spot under a bush. It turned to him, then tilted its head inquisitively.
He nudged it towards the house both girls had vanished inside.
The cat stared at him.
He made a motion with his beak at the house and churred.
The cat stared at him.
Internally sighing, he bit it on the ear.
The cat slapped him on the side of the head.
He stared at it.
Eventually, it turned its gaze away from him and looked thoughtfully at the house. Both of them could smell something delicious being cooked. They exchanged a glance again, then as he watched with approval, the cat got up and trotted through the snow, up onto the porch, and stopped at the door. It looked back at him. He clicked his beak at it encouragingly.
The cat reached out, still meeting his eyes, and very deliberately ran its claws down the door making a surprisingly loud scraping noise. Repeating this a couple of times, it waited. As did Edgar.
A few seconds passed, then the door opened. The Taylor looked down at the cat. The cat peered upwards at the Taylor, then past her into the house. It stood up, casually flicked its tail, and sauntered inside. She watched it go, shook her head, looked directly at Edgar where he was lurking under the bush, smiled, and went inside again. As the sound of the door closing died away, Edgar felt very pleased with himself. He'd helped.
Only good things could come from this, and now the Taylor had a suitable companion as well as the Lisa.
Yes. All according to plan.
He came out from under his bush, took off, and headed home, secure in the knowledge of a job well done. As he flew he pondered what else the glowing stuff might be useful for, and wondered where it came from. Perhaps he should gather some more just in case?
A thought for later. Right now he needed his Amy, and some bacon. And with a little luck he could make the Carol go that funny color again… That was always amusing.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"Where did that cat come from?" Danny asked curiously, inspecting the very black and very contented looking young animal that was sitting on Lisa's lap while Taylor offered it a little bit of chicken. The thing seemed thin but healthy, and when it looked at him he wondered at the odd color of its eyes.
"Outside," Taylor replied, giving the creature some more chicken, which it took carefully from her fingers and happily nommed.
He sighed faintly. "Not quite as useful as it could be," he pointed out. She grinned at him.
"Edgar brought him," his daughter added.
Raising an eyebrow, Danny looked at her. "Edgar?"
"Yes."
"Amy Dallon's raven minion?"
"Even so. Although possibly she is his human minion?" Taylor looked thoughtful as Lisa chuckled. "I suppose it would depend on which one of them you asked."
"A raven brought you a cat," he stated flatly, sitting down opposite them and sipping his coffee, while observing the animal which appeared absolutely contented with where it was right now. He could hear it purring.
"Yeah. Funny thing, life, right?"
"It does seem that way, I have to admit," he agreed. "Do you intend to keep that thing?"
"He seems to like it here, and Edgar is a good judge of character," Lisa put in with a smile, stroking the cat, which leaned into her hand and looked supremely smug. "He's only about four months old too, and it would be cruel to toss him out into the cold dark snowy night, possibly to freeze to death, alone and starving and…" She trailed off as he raised his hand, laughing.
"Enough, enough. I get the point. So we have a cat now. Fine, I like cats anyway." He watched them make a fuss over the feline for a moment. "He'll need a name."
"He's a U.N.I.O.N. cat, obviously," Taylor commented with a grin, making him sigh a little although he found it amusing. "He is… Agent Cat!"
"No, that's not cool enough," Lisa objected. "He's Agent C4T."
"Ooh. I like it. We can get him a little leather coat and a hat, with some sunglasses… And I've got lots of C4, so…" Taylor giggled when he gave her a hard look.
"You are not to train a cat to use explosives, Taylor," he said firmly. "That way lies madness. My life is already peculiar enough as it is, I don't need to read about a truck full of tuna being hijacked by a gang of ravens led by a cat using explosives. While wearing a trench-coat and hat."
Both girls started laughing, the cat looking between them quizzically, then moving to sit on Taylor. "He'll need a civilian name too," Lisa remarked. "We can't use his U.N.I.O.N. one in public."
"No, that would be silly," Taylor agreed.
"That's the silly part?" Danny mumbled to himself…
They started brainstorming names for a while. The currently nameless cat kept looking between them as if he was listening, while kneading Taylor's leg with his paws. Danny inspected those, wondering at the length of the animal's toes. It almost looked as if he had actual thumbs…
The cat met his eyes and gave a distinct impression of being very pleased with itself. He couldn't help feeling a sense of slight worry, although he wasn't sure why.
"He's very mysterious, appearing out of nowhere like that, heralded by a raven," Lisa put in, tickling the cat under the chin which made him stretch his neck out in bliss and close his eyes. "How about Mystery?"
"Too long." Taylor tapped her chin with a finger. "Myst. That works, right?"
"Yeah… Yeah, I like that. Myst." Lisa sounded out the name. Leaning down to the cat's level, she stroked his head. "Do you like that name?"
"Mrrp," the cat expressed, rolling over onto his back and putting all four paws in the air while looking upside down at her with his whiskers curled forward.
"I can't be sure but I think that means yes," Taylor giggled.
"Myst is a good name," Danny agreed with a smile.
The newly named Myst purred loudly as Taylor stroked his belly, which made Danny wince for a moment as he knew all too well that a lot of cats reacted very painfully to that. This one seemed to thoroughly enjoy it though, so he relaxed.
"Well, Myst, welcome to the household," he said, watching as the animal writhed around in ecstasy. "As strange a place as it seems to be."
"And welcome to U.N.I.O.N." Lisa added, grinning. "Agent C4T."
Myst opened one eye and looked at her, then rolled over, hopped down onto the floor, and trotted out of the room with his tail high. They watched him go, Taylor smiling a little. "Thanks for letting him stay, Dad," she said, turning to smile more widely at him.
"I like cats, and he obviously likes you two. I'm going to pretend the weirdness of how he got here didn't happen for the sake of my own sanity," Danny commented, finishing off his coffee. "We'll need to get him checked out at the vet though. If he's been living on the street he's almost bound to have parasites, and he's pretty thin too."
"Sure, I think that's a good idea," Taylor agreed.
As she fell silent they all heard a click. A familiar one. It was the click of the basement door opening. All three looked at each other then as one turned to stare beneath at the door in question, seeing it was indeed now open. And Myst was just disappearing into the currently-open door to the base in the basement, looking intrigued.
"I thought I locked that door," Danny said slowly.
"You did, I saw you do it," Lisa replied, meeting his eyes.
"And the key's still in the lock…" Taylor added.
After a long moment, both girls grinned and jumped to their feet. "Cool. I wonder how he did that?" He watched as they left the room and went to follow the cat, who apparently had more talents than looking cute and absorbing large amounts of food. Danny sighed heavily and stood to follow them.
"Oh, god. This is going to get even more bizarre now, isn't it?" he mumbled as he left the room.
He wasn't wrong…
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"It was a small but well stocked Empire safe house," Renick reported, reading the document he was holding. "No witnesses at all. Three unconscious gang members found lying in the street, the door of the building was in pieces all over the yard, and what we found out later was probably about two hundred grand in small bills was missing, along with several handguns, some ammunition, and apparently one of the men's favorite switchblades. He was really upset about that, for some reason. More than being arrested. Said his mother gave it to him." Her deputy looked at her as she stared in disbelief, shaking his head.
"I don't even want to think about his upbringing."
"No…" she sighed. "Any signs of cape involvement?"
"Nothing we can so far determine, no. We checked the entire area, not a trace of anyone at all for that matter. Possibly a flier, but I'd have thought if that was the case they'd have gone in through a window to maximize surprise, not blown the bloody doors off." He grinned privately to himself as she gave him a look. "It snowed all last night and the snow was completely undisturbed, no traces other than a few animal footprints. Birds, a cat, that sort of thing. I doubt they did it."
Emily considered the matter for a few seconds. "The Network? They do seem to have a talent for doing things without leaving evidence."
He shrugged. "Possibly, sure, but they're so good at not leaving evidence we'll never prove it one way or the other. Unless we just put down anything we can't find a reason for as their work, I guess. It would make life easier if nothing else."
She sighed, nodding. "Which I hate. Fuck. But on the other hand that's three more Empire members off the street and a large quantity of weapons removed from circulation, so whoever did it, I suppose we can take it as a win, even if we're hazy on the details."
"True enough." He handed her the report folder, which she flipped through briefly, before signing the first page and handing it back to him. "And the harder time the Empire has the better I like it no matter who's responsible."
"There's that, yes," she agreed with a small vicious smile. Checking the time, she got up with a grunt. "Time for dialysis again." She put her coat on and headed for the door, Renick following. "Keep an eye on the reports. We might find a pattern if they do it again."
"If it's the Network you know as well as I do they're far too competent to leave us any clues like that, Emily," he chuckled as they went into the corridor. She just sighed and kept walking, knowing he was correct and torn between hating it and being somewhat impressed.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"Kronk!" Edgar landed on her shoulder with a flutter of wings. Amy twitched slightly, not having expected it, and nearly dropped the shovel she was wielding as she and Mark cleared the driveway of the new snowfall. Sweating slightly despite the temperature due to the exercise, she wiped her brow and turned her head to glare at the raven, who had vanished an hour or so earlier.
"Don't sneak up on me like that, you feathery menace," she grumbled.
He dropped half a dozen twenty dollar bills into her half-open coat and looked pleased with himself. Amy gaped at him, then looked down, reaching inside her coat with her free hand and fishing around for a moment, before pulling out a handful of somewhat damp cash. Staring at it, Mark stopping shoveling and doing the same, she finally raised her eyes to meet the twinkling ones of her avian companion.
"Where," she asked with considerable confusion and not a little suspicion, "did you get this?" She waved the money at him.
He bit the end of her nose and fled, cackling with glee.
Mark watched her vanish around the side of the house in hot pursuit of the raven, shouting questions she wasn't going to get an answer to, shook his head fondly, and went back to shoveling the driveway.
At least the bird seemed able to support himself financially, he mused, which was interesting.
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Thanks for the chapter-ish piece of words.
5007
Y U n0 1337-5p33k?
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Mark! You're not supposed to teach economics to fledgling civilizations!