07: Walk Beside Me
Kagome held herself very still and prayed to all the gods she knew of to make it through the evening intact. To say the dinner had not been going well would have been optimistic. Despite their best intentions, both Kagome and her mother had underestimated two important factors in enjoying a pleasant gathering that evening.
Those two factors were currently glaring at each other from across the table in a tense silence. The food on the table was barely touched; everyone was either too busy observing the staring contest or else being a direct participant in it.
I should have known this would happen, Kagome thought nervously as her eyes flicked back and forth between her grandfather and her history teacher. It might have been her grandfather's uninterrupted bellowing that first clued her in to the problems they'd be having. Or the fact that the old man had opened the front door at the sound of the polite knock and curtly told Michifusa to "go away" before slamming it in his face. Convincing Michifusa to enter the house at all after that incident had been a trial in and of itself.
Clearing her throat, Kagome smiled nervously. "So," she said brightly, trying to diffuse the hostility. "You should really try the sukiyaki," she coughed. "It's my mother's special recipe. I'm sure you'll enjoy it."
Michifusa was the first to acknowledge her words, breaking away from her grandfather's stare to nod at Kagome's mother slightly. "Indeed," he said, lowering his poised chopsticks back into the bowl. "It is truly delicious, Mrs. Higurashi. Again, I must thank you for the kind invitation."
His face hardened slightly at her grandfather's loud snort and Kagome mentally dropped her head into her hands. She gave a sigh of relief as Michifusa ignored the noise and continued to scrutinize her mother. Then she almost seized up and died as a suave half-smile played across his features.
"It has been quite some time since I have been able to indulge in the pleasure of a woman's cooking," he told her. "Especially at the hands of one so… competent," he added smoothly, and Mrs. Higurashi's cheeks bloomed with a pleased flush of pink at the compliment.
Kagome was busily trying to pick her jaw up out of her soup. She was about to comment on what she considered his disturbing behaviour when her grandfather beat her to the punch.
"Don't you dare attempt to seduce my daughter with those lewd advances!" he roared, slamming his fist onto the table with enough force to make the bowls shake.
"Papa…" Mrs. Higurashi mumbled, the pink glow transforming into the deep red of embarrassment.
"No, he's right!" Kagome added, earning a grunt of approval from her grandfather and a bored stare from Michifusa. "No disrespect, but you're forty-eight years old, sir! Don't you think you're a little too old for my mom?"
"Forty-eight?" her mother echoed with surprise. "But you don't look a day over thirty! What's your secret?" she asked curiously.
"A healthy diet," Michifusa answered smugly, and as she watched the expression on his face, Kagome knew he was toying with them.
Ugh, this must be his revenge for the unexpected dinner invitation, she grumbled to herself.
Or grandpa's rudeness. Still, the nerve of him, to hit on my own mother-! She opened her mouth to provide another sharp retort, but choked as her brother helpfully spoke up, heading her off at the pass.
"Hey, Kagome, how do you know how old Mr. Michifusa is? You don't have a crush on him, do you?" he asked, mischief dancing in his eyes.
Kagome felt her face go red. "Souta!" she hissed.
"Kagome, is this true?" her mother asked sternly. "Come to think of it, you knew he lived alone, too… Is that why you were sneaking out of the house so often these past few months? Have you been spying on poor Mr. Michifusa?" she added with a note of reprimand in her voice.
"Mama!" Kagome managed to say in a strangled voice as Michifusa's eyebrow rose impossibly higher. "Would you guys please quit it?" she begged.
At least things couldn't possibly get worse, she thought miserably.
"Don't you dare attempt to seduce my granddaughter either!" her grandfather bellowed, slamming his fist onto the table once more and proving Kagome wrong once again.
"Hnn," Michifusa answered, settling his gaze on the top of Kagome's now-bowed head.
Kagome wished desperately for an earthquake to strike, hoping that the ground would split open and swallow her whole. It didn't happen; instead, Souta "rescued" her once more.
"Aww, don't worry so much, Mama," he said, digging his elbow into Kagome's side. "I was just teasing her. You know how weird Kagome is!" he explained gleefully.
"Hnn," Michifusa said again in agreement.
At that moment death was sounding like a pretty desirable option to Kagome in lieu of the dinner conversation. Preferably Souta's death. "Can we talk about something else please?" she muttered darkly before shovelling some noodles into her mouth and chewing furiously.
"Yes. Let's talk about why this man is here at all," her grandfather answered, glaring angrily at their guest. "He doesn't respect our beliefs and our traditions! It's an outrage that he's even allowed to set foot on the holy shrine grounds!"
Michifusa's attention was quickly diverted back to Kagome's grandfather. "Old man," he said warningly.
"Wha—what did you call me? Why, do you see what I mean? He has no respect!" her grandfather yelled out to no one in particular.
"Simply because I choose to study the true history of our people does not give you the right to refuse me access to this shrine," he answered, his brown gaze stony. "If anything, I have more reason to be here than you," he added disdainfully.
"True history!" Kagome's grandfather sputtered. "What do you know of history? You're simply a disgusting sceptic!"
"Grandpa!" Kagome and Mrs. Higurashi shouted at the same time.
"No," Michifusa's voice boomed out across the table, silencing the two women. His mouth drew into a thin line. "If you wish a battle this badly, Higurashi, then I shall happily accommodate you," he sneered. "So tell me, old man, since you believe so strongly in the gods and fate. Where was the Divine Wind when we needed it half a century ago? Where were the gods that were so supposedly devoted to raising our small land to greatness? Answer me this."
Kagome's grandfather huffed and crossed his arms. "You don't understand anything, you young fool," he said haughtily.
Kagome actually did drop her head into her hands. The others silently watched the interchange between the two men much the way spectators would observe a tennis match as they batted arguments back and forth across the table.
"That war was the punishment of the spirits for indulging in our own selfish desires. Now people like you would have us insult the gods even further by denying their worship!" Her grandfather puffed up with pride, his eyes glowing with a religious fervour Kagome knew all too well. "Shinto is very important to the people of Japan!" he continued loudly. "It's as unnatural to deny our religion as it is to ignore our own roots! Our beliefs bring the people relief and comfort through ritual and form. To spit upon those rituals is to spit upon the very things that make us Japanese!"
Michifusa sat back with an amused expression. "So you mean to say you still believe the imperial family are the living descendents of the sun goddess, despite the fact that the Emperor himself has disavowed this very notion? Forgive me if that does not seem very prudent."
Refusing to be cowed, Kagome's grandfather smiled widely. "Of course I have great respect for our beloved Emperor, but as you said, he's just a man like any other. And like other men, he will also one day become one of the Eight Million Kami who watch over and protect us." A sly look stole over his face. "Whether you believe our Emperor is an ancestor of the gods or not makes no difference. He is destined for divinity in any case!"
"Your argument only makes sense if you believe in this foolish religion," Michifusa answered with a sniff. "And I beg to differ. Humans are hardly divine beings. They are nothing more than highly evolved animals, ruled by instinct and desire. Veiling human behaviour with the trappings of religion does nothing to change its base nature."
Kagome lifted her head away from her palms, regarding her teacher thoughtfully. Something about the way he had said it had caught her attention; it sounded just haughty, just arrogant enough to have come from Sesshoumaru's mouth. But it wasn't Sesshoumaru sitting before her.
"So I see your disrespect extends not only to our religion, but to anyone who lives and breathes, too?" Her grandfather huffed and closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. "Humans are more than just evolved monkeys, you know! What a sad existence you must have if you really believe those foolish things. In fact, I find your opinion of us to be very insulting!" her grandfather added sharply.
Michifusa's face had taken on a glacial quality. Kagome was half-waiting for their untouched dinners to freeze over. She was also privately glad that Michifusa was at the table, and not Sesshoumaru; even with five hundred years of tolerance bred into his personality, her grandfather was pushing the limits.
"You find my behaviour disrespectful?" Michifusa said coldly. "My shoes lie at your doorstep. My hands are washed clean, and I have humbly offered my thanks for the food which I now eat with these chopsticks." He narrowed his eyes at the old man fractionally. "Do you not even know the tenets of the religion you claim to follow? By your own definition, I am to be lauded for the proper observation of ritual despite my opinion of your religion. Is that not far more important than my personal beliefs?"
Grandpa Higurashi floundered for a moment, sensing a losing argument. "Y-you're different!" he sputtered. "The rituals you follow are empty. Plus, you actively run around trying to teach your students to discard our sacred traditions!"
"You contradict yourself, old man," Michifusa answered calmly. "Shinto is about ritual, ritual which even I follow. Your arguments have no basis in either fact or reality. You are simply letting your personal opinion of me cloud your judgement of my behaviour. Unfortunate," he added with a disdainful sniff.
Kagome watched her grandfather's face flush a few interesting shades of red, deepening into purple as his mouth worked silently at Michifusa's abrasive dismissal. "Grandpa, maybe we should drop this," she said carefully.
"NO!" he roared, his face pinching with frustration.
Michifusa's smirk did nothing to calm the tension at the table. "You should listen to your granddaughter before you discommodate yourself further, old man. It takes courage to accept defeat." His smirk dropped as Kagome's grandfather made a few more guttural sounds. "A courage which you clearly do not possess."
Kagome felt her fists clench. It was one thing for her grandfather to be unreasonable; she had come to expect that from him, as much as she loved him. It was quite another to allow a guest to shame him in front of the entire family. "That's enough of this rudeness, both of you!" she yelled, silencing the two men. Whipping her head around to Michifusa, she pointed a finger at him. "You! You're a guest in our house, you could at least act like one! We invited you here, you don't have any right to antagonize my grandfather like that!"
"That's my girl," Grandpa Higurashi said smugly, crossing his arms. He froze as Kagome whirled to face him, her finger pointing directly at his nose.
"And you! I can't believe you, Grandpa, treating a guest we invited like that in the first place! You should be ashamed of yourself!" she huffed, glowering at him.
Her grandfather's face grew pinched and sullen. "I'm not the one who allowed that man to come here," he mumbled.
Kagome thought her grandfather's poor excuse for his behaviour was on par of that with a kindergartner, and it pushed her temper over the edge. "Grandpa! I'm embarrassed to be even related to you right now!" she yelled, quaking with fury. "You're the eldest in our household! You're supposed to be wise, to guide our family, but look at you! You're so caught up in following your own rituals that you don't even know what they stand for anymore!" Her anger overflowed, rushing out of her in a torrent. It wasn't just the dinner conversation, though that would have been enough as it was. Three years of being shepherded to the well, of being told it was a destiny she couldn't shirk and that it was her proud fate to be bound to the Jewel of the Four Souls finally shook loose in Kagome's chest. All of the pain and resentment that had been building inside for so long messily spilled out into the open for everyone to see. "Professor Michifusa is right, you know. Shinto is about helping people fit into this world and enjoy their time here, isn't it? So when have we ever done that? When have your beliefs ever caused me anything but trouble? We live in a
Shinto shrine and I still can't find peace in
any of my lifetimes! Thanks to our stupid beliefs, I don't fit in anywhere anymore!" She inhaled sharply, her breath shaky, and tried to collect herself.
A deafening silence settled over the table. For the Higurashi family, the meaning behind Kagome's words were clear. Whether Michifusa understood their significance or not, he wisely chose to remain silent. Finally, Kagome placed her hands flat on the table and looked up tiredly. "… Sorry," she said quietly. "Please don't fight at the table anymore." She didn't spare a glance at her grandfather, refusing to meet his questioning eyes.
It's your fault for bringing it to this, she thought bitterly.
I'm not going to apologize for making things uncomfortable, not anymore. Another silence settled, punctuated only by the loud ticking of the clock on the wall.
The one who finally broke the tension was Michifusa. "I must apologize," he said quietly. His face was impassive and he held himself proudly, showing no visible sign of regret for his actions. His words, however, surprised them all. "It was improper of me to upset the peace of your household." Tilting his head slightly towards Kagome's grandfather, he met the old man's eyes and held them. "You are correct, of course. To show disrespect for Shinto is to disrespect our very culture, as the two are inseparable. I ask your humble forgiveness for disturbing the harmony of your table," he added, dipping his head ever so slightly.
Kagome's eyes were wide as she watched Michifusa give the barest of bows to her flustered grandfather. She suddenly felt terrible, knowing it was her outburst that had ultimately forced the proud man to acquiesce to her grandfather. And as human as he was, Kagome could no longer entirely separate him from Sesshoumaru, the demon; it made his show of submission that much more disturbing for her to watch.
Her grandfather was also just as surprised, and for a moment Kagome feared he wasn't going to accept his victory graciously. To her relief, he only gave Michifusa a half-hearted scowl and returned the bow. "A man of my age should really know better than to treat a guest so poorly," he managed to mumble gruffly.
As both men straightened, Mrs. Higurashi cleared her throat loudly, trying to drive away the remaining tension with her bright smile. "Please, why don't you both enjoy your food," she suggested, picking up her own bowl encouragingly.
And so the dinner continued, still noticeably strained but not quite as confrontational as it had been before. There were no questions asked, no arguments presented when the meal was over and Kagome silently ushered Michifusa outside onto the shrine grounds, safely away from the rest of her family. She didn't want to know what he thought of them after that evening's display.
The evening air was still filled with the sticky humidity of the afternoon, but was cooling rapidly with the setting of the sun. As Kagome watched the twilight settling around them, she shivered against the unexpected chill that struck her with the light evening breeze. It was a typical late summer evening, carrying the hints of the upcoming fall on the wind from time to time. It reminded her that many things that were coming to an end. Sighing, she led Michifusa towards the Goshinboku, smiling as the fireflies that were swirling lazily around it came into view. For a moment she allowed herself to imagine the tiny globes of light congealing together; they formed the image of a dog-eared boy pinned to a tree. Kagome let herself drift in the moment, wishing sadly that the boy had never opened his eyes.
I never did know when to let sleeping demons lie, she thought with a smile as she sensed more than heard Michifusa approach her side.
"No peace in
any of your lifetimes?" he asked her mildly. "Do you care to elaborate on that statement?"
She wondered if he thought she was as crazy as the rest of her family. Well, at least he could assume it was hereditary. "Not really," Kagome told him. She wasn't in the mood to open up and have a heart to heart with her religiously sceptical history teacher; she wanted to see Sesshoumaru. And some rational part of her was still aiming for a flying chance of passing her history exam successfully. "You called my mom and said you wanted to come over. What'd you want to talk to me about?"
There was a moment of silence, and then Michifusa cleared his throat. "Yes, there is the matter of your final exam," he began, folding his hands behind his back. "As you know, the test itself counts for twenty percent of your overall grade…" Kagome tuned him out almost as soon as he began, her brow wrinkling slightly. There was an undercurrent of electricity in the air, making her skin feel over-sensitized.
Magic, she thought, staring at the Goshinboku thoughtfully as her hand rose to her neck.
"… and that is exactly your problem, Miss Higurashi. Are you paying attention?" he added, an irate expression crossing his features.
Kagome jerked around to face Michifusa. "What did you just say?" she asked in surprise.
Michifusa sighed heavily, removing his glasses and rubbing at his nose in his familiar gesture of irritation. "As I suspected, you have not heard a word I said."
"No, I meant what you called me. The 'miss' part," Kagome replied thoughtfully. "You never bothered with formalities before, sir. Why'd you use it now?"
"Oh?" Michifusa squinted, folding his glasses carefully and dropping them into the pocket of his tweed jacket. His voice grew distant, as though he was distracted. "Yes. It seemed appropriate," he mused.
Kagome followed his gaze and looked upwards. The moon was rising in the sky, its first silvery rays spilling their cold light over the yard. The hand that was still resting on her neck tightened, and she quickly lifted tiny glass jar over her head and turned it over, spilling the last jewel fragment into her palm. "Hold out your hand, please," she said firmly.
"Why?" he asked, blinking and turning his face away from the moon, looking at her with a bewildered expression. His hand was already stretching towards hers, strangely compliant with her request despite his confusion.
"Because I want you to wake up, Sesshoumaru," Kagome answered him, dropping the jewel into his outstretched palm. It winked softly in the light, glowing pink, and automatically his fingers began to curl around it. They froze before they could form a closed fist, and Kagome looked up at Michifusa with concern.
Michifusa studied his half-closed hand for a few moments, a small frown gracing his face. Almost reluctantly he spoke once more. "What if I do not wish it? What if I am happy with this simple human life?"
Kagome smiled, carefully reaching out and guiding his fingers shut around the weakly glowing jewel. "Lying is very unbecoming on you, you know. Someone once told me it's not very honourable and even a little bit insulting." When she looked up from his hand, she was unsurprised at the cold amber eyes that greeted her in his pale white face. She gave a tiny sigh as she watched his long hair spill out over his shoulders. "You know, some people would kill to have hair like that," she mused.
"Some have met a most unfortunate end in attempting to obtain it," he answered, gently grasping her wrist and flipping it over. Her pried open her unresisting hand and relinquished the jewel shard. "You have a very colourful family."
Kagome blushed and quickly stored away the shard. "Yeah, about that dinner… I'm really sorry about my Grandpa. You must have really pissed him off sometime in the past, he's not always like that to guests."
"You should make more of an effort to properly train your grandfather," he said, turning away from her and looking at the Goshinboku thoughtfully.
"Are you kidding?" Kagome answered. "This is the same person who told the principal that I couldn't make it to school one time because I had Gulf War Syndrome," she laughed. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."
Sesshoumaru stiffened slightly beside her. "Apparently you can still teach them to heel," he said placidly.
Despite his cool demeanour, Kagome could tell she had upset him. She looked at the ground, suddenly ashamed of her weakness. "I'm sorry," she told him quietly. "I just wanted to see you again."
Sesshoumaru remained silent, and Kagome bit her lip. Again, he broke the silence first. "Has it occurred to you that my memories and experiences of the past five hundred years are not particularly pleasant ones?" he said curtly.
"Maybe," Kagome admitted truthfully. The thought had crossed her mind during the past few weeks. She knew she hadn't misread the demon on that evening they had shared in the park, though, and answered him with a confident smile. "I bet you still want to hold onto them, though. They're what make us who we really are." She paused, feeling a small tug of sadness. "They're all we have in the end."
Sesshoumaru fell silent, a contemplative look on his face. He regarded her from the corner of his eye. "Not all
we have," he corrected.
Kagome broke her contact with him, moving away from Sesshoumaru's side nervously. She couldn't read the expression… or more accurately, the lack of expression on his face, and it made her uneasy. "Anyway," she said a little too loudly, "I didn't really think it was going to work."
Sesshoumaru's mouth twitched slightly. "You are injured," he stated.
Kagome's hand flew to her side, and she quickly looked away from him. It was too late; she knew that he had already made the connection.
Now he knows the when, Kagome thought to herself.
I wonder what he'll do with it.
"You are very foolish," Sesshoumaru added, interrupting her thoughts.
"I know," Kagome sighed, slightly disappointed. What had she been hoping for? A hint of regret? An apology? Vaguely, she realized she was being unfair again.
I don't regret earning this injury, so why should he regret giving it? She laughed lightly. "Hey, now you can blame it all on my family."
Something almost like a smile ghosted over Sesshoumaru's face. "I can see where you have inherited your idealistic tendencies from. I believe I respect your grandfather."
Kagome felt her own smile forming before she could stop it. "Yeah," she said with a giggle. "He's crazy and annoying, but I guess I love him after all." Her breath halted as she felt Sesshoumaru's gaze weighing heavily on her. "What?" she asked him curiously.
"You should tell him how you feel."
"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome asked quietly.
"You should share the feelings you hold for others while it is still possible for them to be accepted." His eyes drifted shut and Kagome knew that he wasn't thinking about her grandfather in that moment. He forced her to think of her angry words at the table, however, and Kagome felt the slow burn of shame fill her.
All those things I said to Grandpa… and to think I needed to be scolded by Sesshoumaru to realize how stupid that was. She looked up to thank him, and realized that he was still lost in his own memories. "Hey," she said softly, trying to draw him out of his own morose contemplation. "How'd you manage to wake up again?" she asked. "I mean, there's only one jewel shard and it's not even a new moon tonight." The question was meant as a distraction, but she was actually curious about the answer.
"Something has changed," Sesshoumaru said, his eyes opening slowly. "Exposure to your jewel fragments appears to have altered me."
Kagome nibbled on her lower lip nervously. "You're waking up, huh? Why didn't you talk to me then?" she asked, unable to keep the hurt out of her voice.
Sesshoumaru tilted his head at her, his expression bemused. "So you have desired the presence of this Sesshoumaru?" he asked her.
Kagome rolled her eyes and put her hand on her side. "
This Sesshoumaru, yes. Maybe if you said something earlier I wouldn't have had to enjoy the company of
that Sesshoumaru."
"We are the same," Sesshoumaru told her blandly.
"No, you're not," Kagome answered quickly. "There's a little bit of something that each of you share, but you aren't the Sesshoumaru from the past and you aren't Professor Michifusa either. Believe me, I know from personal experience," she added harshly. "Are you avoiding me?"
Sesshoumaru didn't answer her immediately, and Kagome crossed her arms and frowned. "Hey, come on. Don't you even want to try to find a way to stay awake permanently?"
He seemed to contemplate her words. "Permanently…" He said it so quietly, she nearly didn't hear it. Then he looked at her, and again she felt uncomfortable because she couldn't read him. "Give up on your quest," he told her bluntly.
"Huh?" Kagome blinked and rubbed her head. "What are you talking about? Give up on trying to find a way to wake you up?"
A slight turn of his head and another indecipherable glance made her break out into a cold sweat. She realized his gaze was actually directed at the jewel fragment and not herself; she had replaced the splinter into the jar and it was hanging from her neck once more.
Oh… that quest, she finally realized. Slowly, she reached for the jar and wrapped her hand around it, hiding it from his view. Even then, his eyes didn't waver; instead, they were haunted, filled with a desire that she recognized and recoiled from. It was the same look she had stared down countless times before in the feudal era, though usually with the safety of a notched arrow and an over-protective half-demon before her.
What is this… Sesshoumaru has never wanted the Jewel of the Four Souls before. Why would he start now? She swallowed thickly, her throat suddenly dry. "Y-you can't have this," she stuttered nervously.
"Would it not provide you with the answers you want? Free you from the burden of knowledge?" He glided towards her, moving with an inhuman grace that only reminded her more strongly of how frail she was in comparison to his demonic powers. "The world you know would remain unchanged. You would not have to return to the past, to take up a burden which should never have been yours to bear. You would be safe. And… you would not be alone." His voice was low and soothing, promising her relief and comfort. She almost didn't notice his hand moving towards her neck, or the extension of his slender fingers as they reached for the jar. It was the feather-light touch of his claws against her own hand, however, that caused her grip around the container to tighten and snapped her out of the stupor his lilting words had induced.
"What are you talking about?" she cried shrilly, and his hand froze. "How can you even say that? You
know I have to complete the jewel!"
He withdrew suddenly, his face becoming stony with displeasure. "And why must that be?" he pronounced angrily. "If you desire to change the fate of this world so greatly, what better method of achieving that goal?"
Kagome inhaled sharply. "You said I was the only one who could purify the jewel.
Me. Do you really think I could be happy, abandoning my friends in the feudal era and letting Naraku run around doing god knows what with his part of the jewel?" She threw up her hands in despair. "You're the one who told me I can't fight my destiny! Why the sudden change of heart?"
Sesshoumaru chose not to answer her, but the intensity of his glare lessened.
Kagome scowled in response. "Oh, now I get it, it's not really about my happiness at all, huh! Do you even realize how selfish you're being?" Kagome yelled. "You just don't want me to complete the jewel because then you'll be stuck in your human body…
permanently…" The anger drained out of her words as they spilled from her mouth.
Oh. "You do want to stay awake, don't you," she added meekly, not needing Sesshoumaru's condescending stare to feel like a fool. For once he wasn't glaring, however; her ill-thought exclamation had not only purged her indignation but also his desire.
"It was a foolish notion, born from the temptation of life. I…" He hesitated momentarily, as if he would be unable to bring himself to speak. Then he stiffened and turned away from her, his pride returning in full force. "This Sesshoumaru had not thought himself to be so weak," he said imperiously. "You are to disregard that request."
"You forgot to add the
'and we shall never speak of this again'," Kagome quipped, approaching him cautiously. He gave her a withering glance, and Kagome sighed uncomfortably. "Hey, it's okay to make mistakes every now and then. It's a part of human nature."
Sesshoumaru frowned. "I am not human," he reminded her none-too-gently.
"Maybe not, but I bet five hundred years of living as one has given you a little bit of perspective. Besides, I made a mistake too," Kagome admitted. "I should have listened to you, but I was too selfish to leave it alone. I wanted to see you, and I guess I just… assumed… you know…" She felt her face turning red beneath his scrutiny and put her hands to her cheeks, pinching them lightly to relieve the pressure and hide her embarrassment. "…thatyou'dwanttoseemetoo," she blurted out quickly, carefully training her eyes on the ground. "I guess you could say I set you up for that fall."
"Hnn," Sesshoumaru said after a moment. "While it is true that you do try my patience, your basic assumption was not in error."
Kagome's head whipped up to stare at Sesshoumaru in shock, but he steadfastly refused to look at her. Still, his almost-declaration of… whatever their strange relationship was had her cowed. There was a faint trace of humour in his bearing, and she shook her head in disbelief. "That's not very Japanese of you, you know," she chided him lightly. "You're not supposed to ever directly admit anything to anyone, it's a little embarrassing."
"When one has lived for as long as myself, one develops a certain tolerance of behaviour and propriety. I am too old and have too little time to behave properly. I shall leave that to your beloved Michifusa," he told her with a hint of amusement as he drifted away from her side.
"Beloved…" Kagome snorted. "Considering he's got a head start on becoming my stepfather after tonight, I better get used to that idea."
"That will not happen," Sesshoumaru answered confidently as he moved through the yard.
"Hey-!" Noticing that he was no longer standing next to her, Kagome jogged to catch up with him. "How can you be so sure of that? It's not like you really have a say in what Michifusa ends up doing, after all." She fell to a walk, keeping pace with Sesshoumaru who had not paused in his languid stroll through the moonlit shrine grounds. "And where are we going anyway?"
"Surely you have noticed the similarities between this Sesshoumaru and his human counterpart," he told her carelessly. "Actions are dictated by personality. Hence I can assure you that my interest in the Sunset Shrine is as great as my disregard for the Higurashi clan that attends to it."
Kagome took his statement in stride. "Did you just insult my mother?" she asked querulously after a moment.
"No. To speak of only your mother in such a manner would be unjust and entirely too limiting," Sesshoumaru deadpanned.
"Some things never change," Kagome mumbled to herself irately. Still, she wasn't really upset. The tension of the earlier evening had been washed away in the cool night air by their conversation, and she was in a good mood. "Well, I guess I earned that one so you're off the hook for now," she told him with a tiny grin. The smile dropped away as she looked up and saw where Sesshoumaru was headed. "Uh, don't you think we should get back now?" she said suddenly, feeling a lump rise in her throat.
Sesshoumaru paused, poised in mid-stride as he regarded Kagome curiously. Then, wordlessly, he resumed his path towards the old well house.
"Uh!" Kagome squeaked, jogging in front of him once again and blocking his way. "There's really nothing interesting in this part of the shrine, just an old storage shed and a dried up well. You'd probably be more interested in seeing—"
"The Bone-Eater's Well," Sesshoumaru said, his eyes narrowing contemplatively. "So it still stands." Before she knew what was happening, he had gracefully stepped around her and had his hand on the doorframe. It slid open half-way before Kagome reached past him and slammed it shut.
"Don't go in there!" Kagome begged him. She was playing over all of the possible horrors of having Inuyasha suddenly pop through the well and come face-to-face with his brother in her mind. None of them ended very well, especially considering the younger Sesshoumaru's 'hand-through-the-gut' trick that he had shown her last week.
Sesshoumaru sighed slightly and raised his hand to his face. He caught himself in the motion of rubbing the bridge of his nose and lowered it quickly, his mouth twisting into an annoyed scowl. "Listen, girl. I do not wish to cause your family the additional trouble or expense of having to rebuild pieces of your shrine. If you do not move, however," he added in warning, cracking his knuckles.
Kagome went pale. "Don't you even joke about that!" she panicked. "You might destroy the well and then I couldn't—" She bit her lip before she could finish the sentence, her eyes wide with fright.
No, no, you didn't just give it away, Kagome, you didn't-
"Ah," Sesshoumaru said finally, tilting his head and scenting the air. "This is your portal. You cannot mask the smell of old magic." He pushed Kagome aside, using more force when she didn't immediately budge at his touch, and entered the tiny structure.
With a helpless sigh, Kagome followed him inside. "I really hope Inuyasha doesn't smell you around here," she said hotly, blinking as her eyes tried to adjust to the sudden darkness. She finally focused on Sesshoumaru's long white hair, using it to anchor herself in the darkness until she could make out the outlines of his body and the lip of the well. After a moment she realized he was leaning on the edge, staring down into its depths. His face had grown distant again, and he could have been a chiselled marble statue; an ethereal spirit of the times long gone, just as ancient as the magical well he was standing guard over. "What are you thinking?" she whispered quietly into the darkness, needing to break the illusion.
"The past," he answered without hesitation. Then, after a moment, "… my freedom."
"You can't go back, you know," Kagome said as she joined him and looked down into the well's inky blackness. The sound of splintering wood was the only indication Kagome had that Sesshoumaru's fingers had tightened.
"Can I not?" he said softly, his eyes glued to the bottom of the well.
She wondered what he saw; if his glowing amber eyes gave him a special night vision that allowed him to see every detail inside, every discarded bone and scuff of dirt and other signs of mundanity that masked the true power of the well. With her own eyes, she could see next to nothing; for all she could tell, the well could have dropped down forever. It only dropped into the past, however; a far cry from eternity. "Maybe you can jump down there. Maybe it will even bring you into the feudal era," Kagome answered quietly. "But it's not deep enough." She groped outwards blindly, searching for his hand. When she finally felt it, she wrapped her own around his and carefully extracted it from the damaged wood.
"It would still carry me far enough to change my own past." Sesshoumaru's hand twitched spasmodically underneath hers. "What if I told you that I wished to kill you right now and take the shard for my own?" he uttered softly.
Kagome kept her hand in place, squeezing her eyes shut. "I would let go of your hand and cry all the way back to my house. Then I would pick up my bow and arrows, come outside again and shoot you."
"You could not harm this Sesshoumaru," he stated, his eyes tearing away from the depths of the well and landing on her.
"And you couldn't kill anyone," Kagome reminded him sadly. "If I thought giving you the shard and setting you free in the Sengoku Jidai would solve my problems, I'd push you down there myself right now," she added with a tired smile. Her hand tightened around his marginally, knowing what he was really looking for. "But you can never go back to who you were."
Sesshoumaru spent a few more moments looking down the well, searching for his stolen past. Then with an almost inaudible sigh, he turned away and led her out of the well house. They moved back towards the Goshinboku, settling themselves under its ancient branches to wait for the rising sun. When his eyes fluttered shut and his breathing hitched unsteadily, Kagome finally released his hand.
AN: The title of this chapter comes from a quote by Camus. The whole thing goes "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend."