Anabolic Hero (MHA x Steroids)

[Aleister Adair]

I used to believe that I was quirkless.

My best friend Bakugo bullied me relentlessly, and I was ostracized at school. Life was miserable… until I discovered my quirk at the age of thirteen.

Dead scrolling on TikTok gave me body dysmorphia because my feed was constantly full of shredded bodybuilders and teenagers who looked ripped despite lifting for less than a year. I tried everything TikTok suggested, but nothing worked. Crunches, pushups, planks… it was all lies. The supposed "miracle exercises" I was recommended were just core workouts, and they didn't build me the basketball shoulders and delts I wanted.

No matter how much protein I ate, I couldn't get bigger.

How could I achieve anything in my life? I couldn't even pull chicks.

Worthless. Deku.

And then one day, like the light of an angel descending from heaven - I discovered my quirk.

I was immune to the side effects of steroids.

One month into my first cycle of tren, my mother discovered me pinning tren into my ass and confiscated my supply. I lifted desperately and prayed that I wouldn't lose my gains. I feared the withdrawals, and the loss of the beloved muscles I had barely begun to build.

However, the withdrawals never came. My muscles didn't disappear. I had been prepared for a PCT, but nothing happened.

Was it a quirk?

It seemed impossible at first glance.

However, testing at the hospital revealed I did have quirk factor - and a shitload of anabolic steroids in my system.

In honor of all the great bodybuilders that came before me, I named my quirk Anabolic, because it would allow me to become the greatest natty bodybuilder.

Cbum, Noel Deyzel, Ronnie Coleman… I'm going to surpass you all.

This is the story of Izuku "Anabolic" Midoriya, a boy who ran a 2000mg cycle of tren and test.

This is the story of how I became the most anabolic hero.





AN: First chapter will be up soon. Leave some comments! Would love to hear opinions on this ridiculous fic idea haha.

 

[Aleister Adair]

Push Day

"Rarghhh!"

I screamed in pain as I tried desperately to lift up the bar above my neck.

I was using the infamous suicide grip, retracting my thumbs and allowing only my lesser digits to do the work of holding the bar. This had undoubtedly been a stupid decision in hindsight, and if I survived this bench, I would never be doing it again.

Fuck TikTok! I'm never using this bum ass app again. Who the fuck came up with the suicide grip?

If muscles could talk, my muscles would be cussing me out right now. My still developing upper chest muscles and front deltoids trembled as they fought against the crushing gravity of the bar. However, this wasn't the worst part. It was actually my biceps that were giving in, not the upper chest or deltoids which bench press targeted.

I have never regretted succumbing to the temptation of getting a bicep pump more than ever. In my complete and utter foolishness, I decided to do drop sets of bicep curls before beginning my one rep max on the bench press. Why?!

My common sense seemed to gain intelligence of its own and gave me a mental beating. Midoriya, you absolute fool! Was that thirst trap selfie of your bicep pump worth it? You're going to die alone, in your house's basement, all because you decided to do drop sets of a pull exercise, on fucking push day! You disgrace!

"I refuse!!!" I screamed. "I won't die here!"

With a mighty heave, I threw the bar directly up and forced it back onto the rack.

I survived. Thank God.

"Why am I so dumb?" I asked myself numbly, staring up at the ceiling. "That's it! I'm tired of this!"

I pulled out my phone, ignoring the protests from my muscles, and deleted TikTok. After some hesitation, I deleted Instagram as well, followed by Facebook, and every other social media app I had installed. Even Tinder. Especially Tinder.

"You won't affect me, demons!" I roared. "Akira, leave me alone!"

I cringed involuntarily. The Akira, Leave Me Alone meme had been stuck in my head since two days ago, almost like a mind virus. Did some dickhead with a mental quirk put it in me?

It's probably that fool Sango. I scowled, thinking about my least favorite member of Bakugo's squad. Sango's Earworm quirk is too powerful. Fuck! I already had to listen to months of Amogus memes playing non stop in my head. Is just one day of peace too much to ask for?

At least one good thing had happened today. I gave the bar a glance. Today was the first day I benched one entire ton (2204lbs). Even if it was just a one rep max, it still filled me immense confidence. I've fully entered the domain of the superhuman. Over a year of constant tren abuse. It's all been for this day.

The Hero Public Safety Commission officially set the standard of superhuman strength at a bench press of around 500kg (1102lbs), determining it to be the true human limit without some form of quirk assistance. Even then, reaching that point required years of training, elite genetics, and some form of black market quirk steroid. To be able to lift over a ton meant that I was firmly considered as having superhuman strength, even if it was only towards the lower end.

Some might call me crazy, but I knew that I could go further. Plus Ultra and Beyond, as All Might would say. I was still using a 'conservative' amount of tren. A 2000mg cycle was no longer enough for my purposes. No matter how much I injected, I never suffered any form of side effect at all, but I still held back out of concern for my mother's finances.

Now that the UA Exams were approaching, I had to ramp up the pace, and fast. Traditional steroids from before the Age of Quirks no longer suited my needs. Diminishing returns was a thing, which I sadly found out. No matter how much tren I injected, after the 1500mg mark, it started to help less and less, even though my quirk dealt with all the negative side effects. In fact, I suspected that even if I pinned even more, it wouldn't accelerate my development.

That means there's only one solution left…

Brazil.

The Holy Land of Steroids.

I needed some of that sweet Brazillian Trenbolone.

Considered a Class B black market drug, Brazillian Trenbolone, or B Tren, as it was colloquially known, would surely give me the edge I needed. No one knew how it was produced, except for the Brazillians who produced it.

It must be because of all their football stars, I scowled. Neymar must have been injected with B Tren even as a baby. His football skills are too advanced! I watched those old pre-Quirk age clips. He was too powerful.

B Tren supposedly not only shortened your lifespan, but it also damaged your organs. I heard stories about B Tren abusers dying of heart failure at 19. However, the results were evident.

Skinny kids could blow up - metamorphically, mind you, into literal hulking giants within a year of blasting the steroid. Of course, it wouldn't affect me quite as much, since my Anabolic Quirk helped me compress my muscles. For a given definition of helped, anyways.

Although I still grew larger, my physical form resisted growth. It was almost like Anabolic considered my growth in size harmful. Although it still let me undergo muscular hypertrophy, it was in no way as exaggerated as it should have been. I was huge, yes, relatively speaking compared to my old self, but I would probably never reach Cbum's size.

I clasped my hands in prayer.

Our Father, who lifts in Heaven, Hallowed be thy gains, I murmured reverently. Thy gym doth come, Thy curls be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily protein, and forgive us our asymmetries, for we forgive those who curl in the squat rack; and lead us not into cross-fit, but deliver us from cardio. In the name of Swole Jesus I pray, Wheymen.

Upon the finishing of my prayer, I immediately struck a pose in the mirror, strapping my arm to my stomach and clenching as hard as possible to inflate my figure. Mind Muscle Connection. I need to visualize.

Slowly, my pecs trembled. It was only just a little bit, but even that small movement filled me with elation. I spread my wings and shoved my shoulder blades together, trying to move my lats, but didn't see any movement. Oh well. I still can't control my lats. I need more mind muscle connection.

Now that I was done flexing - for the mind muscle connection of course, and totally not satisfying my ego, I put on my pump cover: a hoodie and loose pants, and slid a pair of shades onto my face.

It was time to enter the black market.

With practiced grace, I snuck out of the house and gently closed the door, locking it and leaving the key under the doormat. My mother always left the key under the doormat anyways, so even if I left the house unattended, she would still be able to find the key and get back in herself.

The fee for the train was minimal, which I was greatly thankful for. The Japanese Diet had to be good for something, I reasoned, and train fees were definitely one of them. Getting anywhere would have been a nightmare if I had to pay a lot each time. Some of the TikTok memes I watched used to be filled with Americans complaining about the cost of Uber.

Thankfully, I was Japanese, unlike those damn Americans. Unfortunately, I was Japanese.

What does this mean?

Let me explain. The moment I stepped off the train, I was brutally attacked by what looked and immediately felt like a living slime, which surged into my mouth and constricted me like a boa.

This shit only happens in Japan! I cried voicelessly. Fuck! Am I actually going to die to a hentai slime? What the fuck? I HATE BEING JAPANESE!

As I choked and continued to struggle, my face turned bluer and bluer with each passing second. My prodigious strength couldn't do anything to the slime which was slowly asphyxiating and strangling me, and no matter how much I punched it, it's gooey flesh just warped and deformed around the blow, and returned to its original shape without any signs of damage. I'm going to die without ever getting to experience Brazillian Trenbolone, I realized suddenly. All my dreams… All my steroids. The police are going to have a field day when they uncover my steroid supply.

However, the moment of death never arrived. A sudden wind blasted the entire slime off my body and a literal giant descended from the sky with a smash.

"All Might!" I shouted with happiness.

"Indeed!" He boomed back at me.

All Might, bless his soul, struck a pose and flexed his massive biceps, and proceeded to suplex the slime villain multiple times.

HIs force control is exquisite, I gasped. The street didn't even break despite the suplex! How does he do it?

Suddenly, I was coming to realize that All Might was more than just muscle. He's brains and brawn! Maybe I should pick up my hobby of quirk analysis again.

"Do you need any help sir?" I called out, running towards All Might. "I can call the police to come pickup the criminal if you want. It would be honor to help you sir!"

My eyes were literally shining. All Might was the PG-13 spiritual successor to Zyzz, minus the swearing, and the Australian-ness. This man was the peak of muscle, and of the indomitable human spirit.

"No help needed!" He shouted as he shoved the slime villain into a bottle. "I have to get going now though! There's another villain attack downtown! Farewell young man!"

As he turned to leave, a long buried question suddenly flashed through my mind.

I couldn't let him go without asking him first.

"Stop!" I shouted. "I have a question for you!"

However, All Might had already turned to leap off to his next destination. Fortunately - or unfortunately, I had also leapt towards him at the same time, and grabbed onto his leg - which was massive. Glutes, quadriceps, hamstrings, and calves, I counted. He's built them all! He hasn't missed a single leg day!

As he soared through the air, I screamed uncontrollably in fear and tried not to let go.

"Huh?" All Might finally noticed his stowaway. "Young man! What are you doing?"

All Might arrested his flight midway and levelled his body out, taking advantage of the air resistance to slow down and land on a rooftop.

"I have to ask you a question sir!" I shouted desperately at him. All Might tried to shoo me away, but I clung to his leg without letting go. "Please sir! I need to know! Can-"

With a puff, the All Might I knew vanished. Where the once mighty behemoth stood, only a fragile man remained. I gasped. That's not All Might!

"Who are you?" I questioned immediately. "Are you an imposter?"

Fuck! I bit my lip in anger. I didn't mean to use that word! I meant impersonator! Like, impersonating All Might! Fuck you Sango! Fuck you and your Amogus quirk.

The All Might imposter - impersonator, I reminded myself, looked at a loss for words.

"I'm not an imposter." All Might looked sad, even as he said that. "This is my true form."

"True form?"

"Yes," he explained to me. "I was wounded years ago from numerous synthol injections and tren cycles."

He lifted his shirt up, exposing a terrible wound. Did he inject his stomach?!

"No way!" I gasped. "You're not natty?"

"That was a joke," All Might said with a deadpan. "It was a villain who did it five years ago."

Five years ago? "It can't be Toxic Chainsaw! There's no way he could hurt you this badly!"

"It's not," All Might said, shaking his head. "But that doesn't matter. What is your question young man? How can I help you?"

Here it was. My only chance to speak with All Might in person. In a different life, I may have asked him if it was possible to become a hero without a quirk. However, in this life…

"Does taking testosterone make you enhanced?" I asked him loudly. "Human bodies produce testosterone! Doesn't that mean that injecting test makes you even nattier?"

All Might looked shocked. "You're absolutely correct young man! Injecting test does not make you enhanced! In fact, I used to run test as well!"

Tears streamed down my face. "Thank you All Might! Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me!"

"Don't worry about it," he said casually, waiving me off. "However, I really do have to get going now. There's another villain attack happening, and I need to go deal with it."

"Of course!"

I helped him to his feet, glancing at his stomach wound. "Are you going to be okay though sir? That injury looks terrible."

"It'll be just fine," All Might patted my head. "I've been dealing with this stuff for years. Just make sure you don't latch onto me again like that!" He lectured. "Lives may have been lost because of it! Although this time it's okay, you should never interfere with a hero's work!"

"Of course sir!" I saluted All Might, and he turned to leave, leaping away with a great bound and gust of air.

My dream of talking to All Might had finally been realized, and he gave me validation. I'm natty! I almost sobbed. I'm not enhanced! I'm completely natural! This was completely false since I used tren as well, but I denied the reality of the situation.

I too turned to leave like All Might, and then realized I was still stuck on top of a building. There were no stairs going down, or elevators.

This time, there was no denying reality. I was stuck on the roof.

"Shit."



AN: Writing this entire chapter has been like a fever dream. What the fuck did I come up with? Even I don't know haha. Leave a comment and like if you want to see me write more, and make sure to watch the thread as well! Cheers!

 

[Aleister Adair]

Midoriya's Toxic Tips #15
Treat them like dirt, and they'll stick to you like mud (illegal rizz)
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Now, I'm not saying dry scooping is a good thing. In fact, there even news reports from the Pre-Quirk era of kids dying of heart failure from dry scooping pre-workout.

But.

You've gotta hear me out alright.

When you scoop completely dry pre-workout into your mouth and swallow it all, it absorbs faster into your bloodstream, and you get the energy boost much faster, compared to if you drank it mixed with water. There's also a non-zero chance of causing immediate heart failure, but REAL MEN don't care about that. (I am a real man obviously).

This is how I found myself at the local Seven Eleven buying All Might's branded All Mighty pre-workout, boasting an efficacious dose of 9000mg caffeine, 12,000mg beta-alanine, 21,000mg L-Citrulline, 16,000mg creatine, and hundreds of other chemicals which I couldn't care to name, or remember. This surely can't be good for the average human, I thought. It's probably designed for strength quirks anyways.

The cashier watched in abject horror as I tore my shirt off and roared, pouring the entire container of pre-workout down my throat and swallowing. The powder was coarse and made me sputter several times, and without water to assist, actually intaking the powder was near impossible. I spilled at least half the container onto the floor, and managed to choke the rest down.

"Aren't you going to feel itchy?" The cashier asked me, after he got over his shock. "You dry scooped a pre-workout known for having excessive beta-alanine."

"Nah," was my response. "I'm built different."

Truthfully speaking, it was my Anabolic quirk that was built different, since it let me ignore the side effects of the pre-workout. I wouldn't be getting any jitters or heart palpitations any time soon. Take that, TikTok influencers!

I swaggered out of the store filled with energy (and newfound confidence), heading off to meet my black market dealer.

The quick pitstop for pre-workout was actually because I had used all my energy climbing down the side of the roof. I had no energy left to even do anything, since I had to manually scale the entire 15 floors of the building I was stuck on. Due to the huge muscles I've built, and my relative lack of finger strength compared to a professional climber, descending from the building was actually extremely tough.

If I didn't get that energy boost from dry-scooping, I definitely wouldn't be able to go meet my dealer, I concluded solemnly. Besides, I'm not gonna feel the side effects anyways.

Unlike what most people might think, your average drug dealer doesn't lurk in a shady alleyway looking to proposition people into buying their wares. This is especially the case for steroids, which was how I found myself standing before Richerhead's Gym, the Japanese ripoff gym chain modelled based on Planet Fitness.

I headed straight for the lockeroom.

One of the men currently lifting saw me enter, and he set down his bar and towelled his face off before following me.

"Yo Big Jim!" I whispered quietly after we got in. "Do you have the stuff?"

"Yeah broski," he said, miming a fingergun. "I got the good stuff. Here, take a look."

He pulled down his pants to reveal a transparent packet strapped to his thigh, and unrolled it for me to see. A singular red needle was wrapped inside, brimming with vicious looking liquid. I lifted it up to my face and cradled the injector, admiring how the liquid churned and reflected in the dim ceiling light of the locker room. It smelled slightly funky, but that was the price of doing business with Big Jim.

"This is the highest grade stuff," Big Jim told me. He unlocked his locker and pulled out a backpack, handing it over. "Here's some lower-grade B-Tren as well. It's not as potent as the needle I just gave you, but it should last you a while."

Without even bothering to inspect the contents, I jammed the needle straight into my buttcheek, pinning it directly in and pushing the plunger. There was a cool hiss, and we were done. The B-Tren was in. I would be seeing the benefits very quickly. I slung the backpack over my back, and adjusted the straps. There were a few needles poking out, so I had to shove them back in and zip up the bag securely.

Big Jim didn't even bat an eye seeing me inject what should have been a lethal dose of B-Tren. You were only supposed to inject maybe 5mL of the stuff at a time, and I had plunged in almost half a liter just now.

"Cash."

"Of course bro," I said, smiling as I did so.

I withdrew a golden rolex watch from my pocket, handing it over to Big Jim. It was my father's watch, but he was never home anyways, and I had been the butt of one too many fatherless jokes from Bakugo. He doesn't even visit home, I complained internally. It's been like five years. Serves him right.

After getting into UA, I would be applying for underprivileged student status to get the welfare stipend. Why? Because my mother wouldn't buy me steroids, and I was quickly running out of savings. That welfare stipend would be put to good use buying me more B-Tren, and whatever other drugs I needed.

"Do you have any skinstim actually?" I pulled out another rolex, this time silver. "I'll trade you this watch for a month's supply."

For those unaware, skinstim is an experimental quirk based drug which hardens your skin based on the amount of force applied. It works for both cutting and blunt force, and almost turns your skin non-newtonian (anybody who paid attention in physics class should know what this is). Skinstim abusers could turn their skin into an oobleck-like shield which hardened in response to stabbing/slashing/blunt force attacks, and even quirkless normies could do it.

However, prolonged usage of skinstim would lead to your skin hardening even without an applied force, and you would become a cripple and unable to move for the rest of your life. Of course, Anabolic meant that this didn't apply to me. I was going to inject as much skinstim as I could afford to buy.

Big Jim raised his eyebrows. "You sure you aren't out to commit suicide kid? That much skinstim?"

"Yeah def. I can take it."

"Alright bub," Big Jim said, shrugging. "Give me a week, and I'll send a crate of the stuff to your house. Usual place right?"

"Yep."

"Aight, we good then." He made for the exit, and I followed after making sure no one saw our transaction. Although, there really wasn't much point, since everyone at this gym bought their steroids from Big Jim anyways. Who was gonna tattle on me?

On my way out the gym, I saw what looked like an impressive bench press PR - and then promptly began to froth at the mouth, because I realized that the bar was left unattended, and no one was using it. The bar was on the rack, and there were several plates still left on the bar. Did they forget to re-rack their weights?

It was an unforgivable crime. I remembered the horrible days of my youth (one year ago) when I still used public gyms. People never re-racked their weights. I always had to pick up after other people left.

I clenched my fist in rage, and thought of the Swole Bible to calm myself down.

Bromans 4:18
Dost thou not know that the Kingdom of Gains is not open to people who don't re-rack plates after benching? Swole Jesus lifted the cross. Can you not lift your plates back to the rack?

"Bromans 4:18," I chanted. "Begone! Evil gym spirits, you are not welcome in this place!"

With my task complete and myself calmed down, I finally exited the accursed public gym, and headed for the train station to go home.

I walked quickly down the street, afraid of seeing another villain.

I thought had made it safely to the train station when a massive explosion rocked the air, and I swiftly spun around.

I'd recognise that sound anywhere.

Bakugo (curse his name) was suspended in the air by the slime villain who attacked me just earlier, and it? was performing the same perverted strangling motions on him as it did to me.

"It's the slime villain!" Someone nearby shouted. "Help him!"

However, no one ran forth the help Bakugo. Even the pro-heroes seemed to be hesitating.

I watched in glee as the slime villain sent a tendril of slime down Bakugo's throat to choke him out, before realizing my thoughts were very un-heroic.

Should I intervene? Bakugo bullied me for so many years though.

Somewhere deep inside of me, I felt old heroic urges beginning to awaken. I too had once been naive and heroic in the past, before I fell down the rabbit hole of Reject Modernity Embrace Masculinity videos. My legs started trembling (possibly from the B-Tren injection), and my heart started racing.

Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself running desperately towards the Slime Villain, ignoring the cries and shouts of the Pro-Heroes for me to stop

Fuck! How am I supposed to get Bakugo out?

Without even thinking, I took off my backpack and hurled it at the slime villain, screaming and crying as I did so. My cries were not out of rage, or out of heroism, but because I had just thrown away a month's worth of B-Tren needles.

The backpack sailed through the air and smashed into the Slime Villain, doing absolutely nothing. However, it did get him to briefly stop assimilating Bakugo, and he turned around to face me.

"Who dares!" He shouted, homing his slimey eyes on me.

"I dare!" I shouted back. "I'm HIM!"

"You?" The Slime Villain let out a bellowing laugh. "I nearly possessed you earlier! If All Might didn't come to save you, you wouldn't even be alive right now! How dare you show your face in front of me again!"

"I am the one who knocks!" I screamed nonsensically, trying to buy some time for Bakugo, and praying to Swole Jesus that All Might would be around to help me. In fact, any Pro-Hero would do at this point.

"Why do you knock?" The slime villain was seriously confused by now.

"I knock your mom!" I shot back. "And your sister! And your wife! And your eighteen generations of female ancestors!"

With a cry of rage, the Slime Villain sent a slimy hand careening towards me, and smashing me into the ground. I choked from the wind being knocked out of me.

This is probably the end, I concluded. The Slime Villain raised a hand to cover my mouth, sending more slime in like he did earlier in the day.

Bakugo couldn't speak at all, but he looked at me incredulously. I gave him the middle finger, and mimed piping him in the ass. There was an incoherent look of rage on his face as he spluttered and tried to swear at me and failed, and I smiled, knowing that I wouldn't die without getting some petty form of revenge on him.

My face started to turn blue again, and I felt myself growing faint. Just before I passed out, I heard the sound of billowing wind, and a mighty cry.

"California Smash!"

Miraculously, I felt the Slime Villain being blown off for the second time in the same day, and I witnessed All Might's glorious figure imposed above me.

"All Might!"I shouted happily. "You came back!"

"I did!" Was his happy reply, even as he coughed out blood from the exertion. "How could I leave a fellow natty bodybuilder to die? Young man, be proud!"

I grinned even as I slipped into unconsciousness from lack of air, giving All Might a weak thumbs up as he beat up the Slime Villain and shoved him into an unhygienic coke bottle he picked out of a garbage can. Serves the slimy fuck right, was my final thought before I collapsed.



AN: Chapter 2 baby! Please leave a like and hit the watch button if you want to see me write more unhinged and schizophrenic content like this! I'm cooking something, even if it might not be edible 🔥

 

[Aleister Adair]

…"He's in a coma…"

I was dead to the world.

"...won't ever wake up…"

"...He's going to lose his gains-"

Like a thunderbolt, I shot awake instantly and screamed. "Who said I was gonna lose my gains!?"

"Woah woah woah there buddy, calm down," the skinny man in front of me said, backpedalling as he did so. "You're not gonna lose your gains. I was just doing a little 'shock therapy', if you get what I mean."

All the tension immediately left my body, and I sunk back to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut. "Thank God. I wouldn't know what to do if that happened."

Speaking of, where was I actually? This wasn't a hospital was it?

A quick glance around me revealed that I was still lying on the street where the Slime Villain nearly killed me. Bakugo was nowhere to be found, but there were a few EMTs and paramedics carrying stretchers and performing treatment on injured pedestrians.

That stupid fuck probably got sent to the hospital, I thought happily. Man. What on earth possessed me to go rescue him?

With some shock, I realized that the skinny man in front of me wasn't a paramedic. It was All Might, in his injured form.

"You're All-"

"Roided out with dangerous chemicals and synthol injections!" All Might hurriedly shouted, stopping me from exposing his identity. "Yes! I was injured from my reckless abuse of class A substances. Incredible! This young man was able to diagnose my injuries straight away."

"Hey Kid!" One of the Pro-Heroes on the sidelines shouted. "What you did was incredibly reckless!"

"Oh yeah?" I shouted back. "Well, what you did was absolutely nothing! In fact-"

All Might shoved one of his hands over my mouth and started dragging me away, apologizing as he did so. "Sorry! My client won't be talking anymore. He isn't liable for reckless endangerment or unlicensed quirk usage, since this is a good samaritan case."

"You're a lawyer?" Was my muffled question.

"Yes!" All Might hissed at me. "Now shut up before you get arrested!"

I proceeded to shut up and stop talking, and All Might gave me an approving nod. Loudly, he said, "we will not be pressing charges for heroic inaction from the Pros! Please don't worry about us."

Some of the more legally savvy pros backed off after hearing that, and All Might threw me onto his back and started running away. I was surprised by how strong he was even in his skinny state, and he continued running with me on his back until we got to Takoba Municipal Beach, an abandoned beach infamous for its piles of overflowing trash.

All Might set me down roughly onto the sand and wiped some sweat off his face. "Whew. I thought you would get taken into custody for sure. If that happened, I might lose the only suitable inheritor I've ever found!"

"Inheritor?" I asked suspiciously. "Is this some kind of pyramid scheme? I won't join Hustlers University! I'm not gonna help you drop-ship Save the Planet T-shirts made in sweatshops."

"No no no," All Might said, waving his hands at me. "I was moved by your incredible heroic spirit when you ran to rescue that boy! Speaking of, what's your name anyways?"

"Midoriya, sir," I responded. "But you can call me by my first name, Izuku! Or as I prefer, it, the I-Meister!"

"I think I'll go with young Midoriya instead," All Might decided, completely ignoring my suggestion for a nickname. "Anyways! Back to what I was saying young Midoriya!. I was moved by your bravery! By your overflowing spirit! That's why I've decided to make you my inheritor!"

"You still haven't answered me," I told him pointedly. "What does becoming your inheritor entail? Am I gonna have to recommend my friends to buy your life insurance plan? I know Northwestern Mutual Interns have to convince their family to buy life insurance. Were you an intern there? I know their life insurance plans are inheritable."

"What?" All Might was completely thrown off by my question. "No! I meant my literal physical and spiritual inheritor! You're worthy to inherit my quirk, since you've already inherited the spirit of true heroism! I want you to become my student, and take on my power!"

"Woah!" My eyes nearly popped out. "Are you serious? How is that even possible?"

"Don't question it!" All Might declared grandly. "All you need to know is that my quirk can be passed on, and I've chosen YOU to inherit it. So, what do you say?"

I can't believe it! I was screaming internally. All Might wants me to be his student? And inherit his quirk? There's no way!

"Are you kidding me?" I snorted. "Why would I turn your offer down? Let's do it! How do I inherit your quirk?"

"You have to take in some of my DNA!" All Might informed me with his booming voice. "The method is up to you!"

X-rated images of how I could possibly take in All Might's DNA flashed before my eyes, a side-effect of being plagued by Sango's Earworm quirk for months. He had developed a rudimentary Super Move called Intrusive Thoughts, which multiplied his target's intrusive thoughts tenfold. I was suffering the effects now.

Become All Might's "Cata-Might?" Sango's Earworm quirk whispered to me viciously.

"Chinese medicine!" I blurted out frantically, saying the first thing that came to mind to clear my head of the intrusive thoughts.

"Do you have a psychic quirk?" All Might asked me suspiciously, giving me a second glance. "How did you know I was carrying traditional chinese medicine?"

"You are?"

"I am," he confirmed. "In fact, it happens to have my DNA in it as well! I was recommended this remedy by Recovery Girl!"

All Might pulled out a pill capsule from his pocket, popping the lid off and pouring out a few round pills. He tossed them to me and I snatched them out of the air, turning them over to observe them.

"Testosterone Tiger, Dbol Dragon," I read aloud. "Guaranteed to boost your virility and make you last longer in bed. Are you sure these are the correct pills?"

"Oh shit I forgot about that," All Might said embarrassedly. "The medicine store where I buy my medicine from engraves that on all their pills. It doesn't matter what pill it is. The store manager claims that it boosts his sales. Just eat it."

"What does it contain anyways?" I asked curiously. "I've never seen a pill like this before."

Without even waiting for a response, I gulped the pills down and swallowed.

"Tiger bone, and my extracted testosterone," All Might said casually.

PUAH! I nearly spat out the pill and choked. "What the fuck?"

"It's a strange combination, but it works," All Might tried to reassure me. "The owner has a special quirk called Bonded Medicine, which lets him make more effective drugs if their components use the intended target's DNA."

"Oh. That's fine then."

"So," I asked. "When is this gonna take effect?"

"Tomorrow maybe?" All Might hedged a guess. "Just go home first and meet me here again tomorrow. Training begins 5AM sharp!"

"Training?"

"Well of course!" All Might declared. "You're my student now right? That means training. Plus, if we don't get your body up to shape, then you might explode from the power of my quirk."

I jumped to my feet immediately, alarmed by All Might's statement. "What do you mean by explode!?"

"BOOM!" All Might mimed, splaying his hands and mimicking an explosion. He made the sound as well for added effect. "Literally explode."

"That's not helping," I scowled. "Can you explain a little more?"

"Well," All Might thought for a second. "Think of yourself like a wineglass. If you inject too much synthol in, the glass is going to crack eventually - kinda like people who use synthol in real life, come to think of it haha! We need to train your body to endure more synthol injections. Does that make sense?"

"Not at all," I told him bluntly. "Is there a better analogy you can use?"

"My quirk is powerful and you need a correspondingly powerful body to use it," All Might said straightforwardly. "Right now you look to be in pretty good shape, but you're still probably going to break your arm just by activating the quirk. Does that make sense?"

I nodded. Why didn't he just start with that? I thought frustratedly. Outwardly though, I gave him a big thumbs up.

"We should be all set then!" All Might laughed loudly. "I can't believe I have a successor finally! It just feels unreal! I spent so many years searching, and then you popped out of nowhere! I have to call Nighteye!"

With that, he flexed, expanding back into his muscle form. "Don't forget to meet me here tomorrow for our training Midoriya! Be there, or be square!"

All Might squatted on the sand and coiled his legs like a spring, before exploding up and leaping across the city in a single bound.

I was left alone on the beach. I guess that means I'm walking back to the train station after all, I thought with a sigh. Couldn't All Might at least drop me off next to the station? It's like thirty minutes away by foot!

 

[Aleister Adair]

"Fuck!!!!"

Shigaraki screamed furiously, slapping his computer and decaying it into nothingness.

"You little cocksucker!" He shouted. "How dare you block my push?"

The computer couldn't even let out a sad whine, since this time it had truly been disintegrated. Shigaraki put the palm of his hands to his temples, careful to avoid letting his fingers touch his face. "Spinner! Get me another computer!"

"Shiggy, you good slime?" Spinner poked his head through the door. His face was an obnoxious shade of green - whether it was from the super THC he was smoking or his lizard skin, Shigaraki didn't know, and he didn't care enough to think about it.

"Yes, I'm fine," Shigaraki said exasperatedly. "Just get me a new desktop. I raged too hard this session."

"On it bossman."

Shigaraki turned back to his ruined gaming set up and contemplated his life choices.

I almost made it to Grandmaster today! If only that little twat didn't stop my push!

He clenched his hands with rage. xXx_HPSC_SIMPLORD_xXx, if I ever meet you in real life, I'm going to brutally torture and murder you! No. I'm going to murder you, bring you back to life, and then force you to drink gamer girl bathwater! You disgusting freak!

The League of Villains was not having a good day. Recruitment was slow, and everyone was either busy or hadn't chosen to join up yet.

So far, they had only managed to recruit Spinner and Compass, and Sensei was nowhere to be found. He liked to play at being mysterious, and only contacted Shigaraki when necessary.

Sensei also doesn't approve of me playing league, Shigaraki thought darkly. I'll show him that it's worth it in the end. With the thousands of hours I've poured into this game, I've developed a magnetic force that's able to repel even the strongest woman!

He smiled contentedly. Taking down Stars and Stripes will be easy.

Spinner slammed the door open and dragged in a new computer, helping Shigaraki plug it in and connect all the wires. It blinked to life quickly thanks to the modifications installed by one of the League of Villains' technicians, and Shigaraki logged onto discord.

There were 500 new notifications.

He scrolled aimlessly through his servers, making sure to ban the people who commented in the wrong channels and putting people he found annoying on time out.

The life of a discord mod is a tough one, Shigaraki sighed dramatically. 'Tis a challenge which only few can overcome. He moderated twenty different servers, and dedicated his life to creating order in what should have otherwise been a sea of chaos.

Shigaraki felt the urge to go the toilet but put it off, since new skins had just been released on the battle pass for fortnite. He nearly smashed the computer again upon seeing that it was an All Might skin, and had to leave the room to calm himself down.

If he wanted, he could go to the toilet, but Shigarki resisted the urge.

Sensei wants me to be creative with my quirk, he thought. I need more practice in developing innovative ways to use Decay.

Shigaraki hesisted.

"Should I?" He wondered aloud. "This might be too disgusting."

Then, he clenched his fist. Let us see if my quirk can decay liquids.

Shigaraki unzipped his pants and promptly began pissing on the floor, and then swiped his hand across the urine. It immediately crumbled into nothingness, flaking up and then becoming dust.

His eyes widened. That means I don't need to leave the room ever again! Wait - does this work on sweat and grime as well?

It would require delicate hands. Shigaraki nervously brought his fingers to his armpits, being careful not to press down too hard. A light touch dispelled the filth on his body, revealing his alabaster skin, a chronic condition he developed after not seeing sunlight for years.

"As disgusting as that is, it has potential," A voice from behind Shigaraki commented. He spun around furiously, ready to decay the intruder.

"Who dares enter the man cave!" Shigaraki shouted. "Reveal yourself!"

A man stepped out of the shadows, literally rising from the floor. "Sensei?" Shigaraki gasped.

"I can see some interesting applications for your quirk," All For One told him bluntly. "Have you ever tried to decay something within your body?"

Shigaraki's eyes began shining. "You mean - I can decay my pee and poo before they even leave? That is amazing!"

All For One just sighed. "I meant lactic acid. You could theoretically gain infinite stamina if you could figure out how to decay your lactic acid as it is produced."

"Ohhhhh."

"No more games," All For One declared. "I've found more potential recruits. I need you to go meet them in person this time Shigaraki."

"Sensei!" Shigaraki cried, fliching away at the notion. "Does that mean that I'm going to have to touch grass?"

All For One visibly twitched at his words, and then tossed a stack of papers over to Shigaraki. "Go recruit Toga and Magne. I expect results by the end of this week. Their quirks have great potential, and good synergy with our goals."

Shigaraki nodded fervently even as All For One sunk back into his own shadow, vanishing from the man cave.

Sensei knew best, and while Shigaraki would listen, he still needed to do something before going out for the first time in years. He picked up his G-Fuel energy drink and chugged it all, making sure to down the entire bottle.

Then, he logged onto to Hero.com, checking for posts from a user named All_Might_GigaFan. Shigaraki considered All Might fanboys to be the height of stupidity, but this particular user was different.

He provided intelligent commentary on the nature of quirks, and always could come up with new and interesting ways to apply quirks. All_Might_GigaFan was actually quite famous on the forums, but since the previous year, his posts had taken a turn from the strange. Instead of continuing the trend of posting quirk analysis and discussion posts, the guy had taken to ranting about something called the "Swole Bible", and the benefits of creatine.

Shigaraki clicked onto All_Might_GigaFan's profile, hoping to see another quirk discussion post, but he was sadly disappointed. "Fuck!"

He had been hoping to talk to All_Might_GigaFan about his own Decay quirk, since previous discussions had helped Shigaraki come up with new ways to use his quirk. In fact, the idea to decay liquid had even come from All_Might_GigaFan over a year ago, and Shigaraki had just put off testing it.

Sadly, it appeared the user was still making gym posts, and had completely given up on quirk analysis.

Shigaraki slammed the laptop closed and put on his villain outfit, and exited the man cave. Fresh air, he thought. Soon, I'll have to brave the sunlight and grass once more. He shuddered.

 

[Metatron]

This, this is hilarious. I dig it.