PROGENITOR: WORM (A Wormquest AU)

CONTENT WARNING: Mind control and enforced heteronormativety but it will end with the Devil getting kicked, REAL HARD, in the dick


"Okay," Andy says. "Here's the plan."

Finding the Devil didn't take long. You just had to shake Dioenne a little bit - and the Devil was there, appearing as if he was somehow connected to the rock star. Once there, he could take in the scene. You, Andy, Cynthia and Bright, filling up the right half of the trailer, all looking serious and confident. Even Bright manages to look like he actually wants to be there - which, considering his abilities, actually does make sense. The Devil smiled, then leaned against the wall, kicking a leg up and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, well, well, the Stonewall Nine - those that aren't busy getting high at least - here to bring me in," he says.

"Yup," you say. "By the end of this, I wager, we can get all the souls out of hell. If we do, then you have to go to prison for all your crimes. Stand trial and everything. We're trying to get meta crime to be at least kind of understood by the system - and, hey, if you're going to be surrounded by a big system of coercion and violence, maybe use it to at least get the bad guys locked up for a little." You grin. "And I've talked with Andy, he's pretty sure you're not exactly up for reformation."

The Devil snorted. "And what do I win if you take this wager?"

"All of our souls," you say, cheerfully. "And I'm not talking about just a copy either."

The Devil's eyes glinted with avariciousness. "Oh?" he asks, trying to look calm. Casual. But you can see you've hooked him.

You grin at him. "Because my wish is simple. I wish to go to hell. Physically. And my friends can come too!" you jerked your thumb over your shoulder at them.

The Devil slowly licked his lips. "I think I can manage that," he purred, then snapped his fingers.

You opened your eyes. You were sitting on a comfortable couch, broad enough that your arms can't quite reach the sides. Your hands are clasped before you and you were looking right at a big cheerful sign that spread across the far wall in green letters.

You frowned, slightly. "Okay..."

The door you hadn't noticed at the left side of the room opened and the Devil peeked his head in, smiling at you. "Ah, good, you're here," he says. "Come in, Lily." He gestures you towards the door. You stand up, and notice something's off. You're not wearing your costume - instead, you're dressed in this...really...floral print dress and high heels. Your hands went to your hair and you blinked as you realized that your hair was done up in...a kind of fifties bun. Your palms slid along your hair, and then you took a step, stumbled, flailed your arms around, and yelped.

Motherfucker! was what you thought.

"Oopsie daisy!" was what came out of your mouth instead.

Shit, you thought, coming into the office, where the Devil was sitting behind a counter. He smiles at you, then gestures you to a seat. "Please, take a seat Mrs. Sato! Now!" He says, picking up some papers, reading them. "Your file was very interesting - not a lot of traditionally sinful acts in here. Plenty of heroism, honesty, forgivable mistakes. But..." He clicks his tongue, then sighs. "Right at the end here, absolute hubris." He says, shaking his head as you hear the faintest, softest click.

You sit up a bit taller and try to glare the Devil into a pile of ash.

"So, I was able to work from that and set everything up, you just need to head through the door there and...welcome to the first day of the rest of your afterlife," the Devil says, closing the file, giving you a cheery smile.

There is the strangest feeling as you think words - and there is a faint pause between the words reaching your mouth and them emerging.

You want to say: Where the fuck are Cynthia? And Andy?

What comes out is: "Teehee! Oh thank you, Mr. Lucifer! But, um, I don't want to be a bother, but, um, where are, um, my friends?" And it comes out all high pitched and squeaky, and your hands play with your skirts to shift and adjust them shyly. The Devil cups your chin.

"Aww, you want to see your friends before you meet your husband?"

FUCK NO!

"Oh, a husband?" You bite your lip against your own will, your face contorting into an expression of exaggerated excitement. "I've always wanted a big strong man!"

"Hmm, yes...I think anticipation will only make the finale better, no?" he asks, chuckling. He stands and walks to the door that you had entered from, opening it to reveal a completely different room. "Come on."

You follow after him, with huge, happy smile on your features. You come into a massive room full of papers and documents, all covered with math. Andy is sitting at a desk, surrounded by boxes and boxes and boxes of the paper, and as you watched, a faceless (literally, you couldn't see his face due to shadows and shifting patterns of darkness) man in a suit walked over and dumped another box onto the desk, sending papers scattering over what Andy was working on. Andy hunched forward, his hand going to his forehead, brushing his hair back slightly. "Fuck fuck fuck!" he whispered, and one piece of paper skittered along the ground, ending near your heels.

You picked it up.

If Ax ​+ By ​= Cz ​solve for-

You frowned as the math got increasingly complicated. But worse, the math actually started to swim and stir together before your eyes.

"Oh, don't worry, the numbers don't do that for Mr. Richter," the Devil whispers in your ear as you realize that you literally can't do math now.

Oh you fucking dick, you absolute fucking dick!

"Teehee, I just need to know how much flour to put in a cake, Mr. Lucifer!"

Andy lifts his head, seeing the two of you. "What the fuck are you wearing, Lily!?" he exclaims.

"Do you like it?" you're forced to say. Andy blinks, then shakes his head.

"What about Cynthia? Where's she?" he asks.

"Hmm," the Devil frowns, thinking to himself. "Well, I suppose, knowing Lily here is going to, at the end of this tour, meet Mr. Sato, right when he comes back home from work to see her and the kids..." He pats your back. "That really does make your government work so much harder, doesn't it?" He grinned, then snapped his finger - and a door opened in the darkness beyond Andy's desk, swinging wide to reveal an obsidian black field. The faint sound of thumping helicopter blades comes through it. Andy stands up just as another bunch of paperwork is laid out before him. He sighs, then walks around the desk, taking your hand - and ignoring when you're forced to gasp out something about being married.

The three of you step through the door.

You stand in a vast, black island - flat and level as if it was built forces more precise than weather and erosion. There are signs of grass and soil here and there, but they're being slowly blown away by the wind. In the distance, you can see helicopters - US Army helicopters, their hulls glinting in the sun. They're receding - always getting smaller, but never actually gone, as if the moment is stuck in a kind of endless now.

Cynthia stands in the center of the island, her hair blowing back, her face slack, tears streaming down her cheeks, looking at rows of bodies. They look like regular people - maybe fifty, sixty of them - all dead, and left where they had fallen.

"Jesus Christ," Andy says, and even your Stepforded brain is able to register that this is something that deserves more than a teehee and a twirl. You and Andy run forward, even if you trip and stumble. Andy grabs onto Cynthia's arm, and she snaps her head to look at him.

"I don't like this plan anymore," she whispers.

Andy nods. "It's okay, it's okay," he whispers.

The Devil chuckled. "Except it's not. You all sold your souls to the Devil. What did you expect? You're in my domain now - and you exist for one reason! To suffer for your sins, as evaluated by me - that is my role, my purpose, my raison d'etre!" He laughs, walking forward, spreading his arms wide to encompass not just this place, but every place - and you can practically see the white picket fence, the three demanding kids, the overbearing husband, all waiting for you. "And I am very, very, very good at it!"

"Ehhh!"

The new voice brings everyone's attention around.

Lisa is leaning against a doorway that has materialized out of thin air and is biting into an apple. She chews, crunches, then speaks through a mouthful.

"A'hhit trite, innit it?" she swallows.

The Devil points at the fox girl. "How...the...what-"

"Hitched a ride!" Lisa says, cheerfully. "On Lily's back. Then, when you were distracted, I snuck out through the side door into the control nexus of this place and..." She twirled her finger and a glittering key made of thorns and leaves appeared in her hand. "Marsha P. Johnson sends her regards by the way. This is a genuine piece of Yggdrasil, the world tree. Gets you into lots of interesting places. Anyway, this place is kinda too grim." She stuck the key into the air and turned it. There was a flash and suddenly, Cynthia was surrounded by all the dead people - but they were alive. Fine!

"Are you okay, Cynthia?" one was saying, while the others took her hands, hugged her.

The Devil spluttered. "This- This...This-"

"She said her friends could come. You just didn't count close enough," Lisa says, her ears twitching. Then she turned the key again.

You blinked and were standing, once more, in the real world. You were still in that fucking dress, which...ugh! You had actually been somewhere else, physically. Bright, who was pacing at the far end of the trailer, yelped at seeing you, Andy, Cynthia, Lisa and the Devil back. The Devil patted at his pockets, his eyes wild and furious.

"They're gone!?"

"Yeah, they're all mine now," Lisa says. "We'll figure out what to do with them after...we figure out what to do with you. Prison, right?" she glances at you three.

Cynthia cracks her knuckles. "Yeah."

The floor trembles and then explodes inwards, metal and wood splinters filling the air as a stone fist, attached to a pillar of obsidian, punches up through the floor and slams directly into the Devil's groin. He lifts a foot off the air, then collapses to his knees, wheezing, his eyes bugging.

"Okay, now he can go to jail," she says.

"Are you sure?" you ask. "He still looks kinda smug."

You kicked him in the face. With heels. His head snapped backwards as you spun and kicked him in the chest as hard as you could, black lightning crackling along your body as you used every bit of your superhuman strength. He lifted up, off the ground, sailed over Bright's head as Bright threw himself flat, and smashed through the wall. The trailer splintered and burst outwards as sparks flew through the air from cables being torn from their mounting, and when the dust cleared, the Devil was sprawled on his back. If he had been a human being, he'd be so fucking dead.

As it was, he just looked ruffled.

"Ugh..." he groaned.

"Rachel!" You called out - and her dogs came down. "Take him to the NYPD."

Yoodle woofed, snatched the Devil up, and flew off.

"W-Will that work?" Cynthia asks.

"He made a bet. And he fucking lost," you say, grinning.

"Look what you did to my...FUCKING TRAILER!?" Bright wailed, standing up, his hands grabbing his hair, his eyes bugging.

---
How hard are you gonna be on Bright?
[ ] Live and let live. The Devil's behind bars, that's what needed
[ ] Stern talking too
[ ] Punch in the dick for summoning the Devil
[ ] Write In