Chapter 7
At some point in her headlong flight, Rey left the accusing voices behind. No idea when. It could have been minutes ago. It felt like hours. Fatigue filled her bones with lead. Her tears had dried up, leaving tracks in the grime on her cheeks. She was freezing cold, shaking with every step she took forward, staggering aimlessly on.
She stumbled into a vaulted chamber, filled with mist. Figures moved through the haze, whispering in the voices of those she had killed, those she had failed. They were close, almost close enough for her to reach out and touch them.
And she recognised them. "Kaydel," she breathed, reaching for one, then another. "Finn – Poe –
Kaydel!"
The nearest figure halted, and turned to face her. This time it didn't look ravaged. This was whatever pristine state lay beyond death, Rey thought. Kaydel's features were coldly serene, and her eyes alighted upon Rey without any discernible emotion.
"And what do you have to say to me, murderer?"
"I never-"
"You smashed my head in." Somehow, the words were all the worse for coming out in that bland, dispassionate voice, none of Kaydel's passion or vivaciousness coming through in her words. "You killed us all. So what could you say to us?"
"I never meant to…" Rey protested, leaning heavily on her staff, trying to keep herself from collapse, searching Kaydel's eyes for any hint of compassion.
"But the darkness in you led you to do it. Your rage, your fear, all too great to overcome. Do you really want our forgiveness? What makes you think you could ever deserve it?"
Rey slipped to her knees. "Hear me, I beg you. Please, Kaydel, I never wanted to hurt you – Kaydel
please!"
Kaydel stood over her, letting the silence stretch torturously, before she finally spoke. "We deny you."
The words came down like a guillotine blade. Rey gaped up at her, feeling fresh tears begin to trickle down her cheeks. Her last walls began to crumble. Just like the cave on Ach-To, she was alone, robbed of all comfort. But this time, there was nowhere to go, no refuge.
The condemnation continued as she slumped, clutching at the hem of Kaydel's trousers. "You were never worthy to be a Jedi, ad never worthy to be one of us. You were always tainted. So end the lie, Rey, and be the outcast. Be the darkness, Become the monster you were always meant to be."
"
No…"
Far above, Finn halted, his breath catching in his throat.
"Anyone hear that?"
"Hear what?" Rose and Poe chorused. Both looked perplexed.
"I could've sworn I heard…" he trailed off, realising that he hadn't truly heard anything. It was the suggestion of a voice, the sense of having heard it.
Then it came again.
No…
And he knew the voice. He'd know her voice anywhere.
"Rey?" he whispered, uncertain.
Finn! It sounded like a sob in his head, a strangled burst of desperate emotion.
Please, my friend, don't leave me…
We won't. The words came immediately to Finn's mind.
We don't abandon our own. You know that. You came back for us on Crait, we'll do the same for you. Besides, he added.
I already did the same for you once. Fight on.
I… He felt hope begin to stir in her again.
Fight on, Rey. You know how to do that, and we're coming for you.
Then she was gone, but he felt her…
brighten was the word that came to mind. And looking again at their surroundings, he caught sight of a doorway, tucked away in a corner. Some part of his mind told him that this doorway led down to Rey.
How he knew, he wasn't sure. When Poe asked him later on, he attributed it to some mix of intuition and an educated guess. The doorway led down, after all. There were carvings in the wall around it – those were probably significant in some way.
He wouldn't realise the real reason until some time after that.
For now, he simply broke into a run, shouting to the others. "This way!"
In the depths, Rey's world was given back its centre of gravity.
She lifted her head, and now it seemed that the likenesses around her weren't quite right after all. There was some inconsistency or missing element in Kaydel's face. Almost like looking at a waxwork or a high-quality holo: close, but not the truth of the thing.
Suddenly, it was strangely easy to get back to her feet. "No. You're not Kaydel. And you," she said to the image of Finn. "How could you ever pass for Finn? You haven't got the spark in you. I know my friends, and you aren't them."
Then she looked beyond them crowd, gazing after the presence she knew lurked beyond them. "You don't know these people like I do, because you only see things to fear and resent. And that's not how I see them. So you couldn't hope to copy them, not truly."
She cupped the phantom Kaydel's cheek in her hand, staring into its eyes and seeing the glassiness, the mere physical semblance without the playfulness which she always found in Kaydel's eyes. "I know the way she looks at me, and all you can offer is the facsimile of that look… which falls so, so far short." She focused her will, calling a little pocket of air pressure into being. "Now, be gone."
The little shockwave rippled through the air, and the spectres blinked out of existence. Rey braced herself with her staff, standing straight again.
A bitter laugh rang from the shadows.
Ah, but of course. Rey turned to face her doppelganger.
Her shadow-self had lost some of her composure. Anger had cracked her smug exterior, and the yellow eyes blazed now. "You think that's your victory?"
"I'd like it to be," Rey said, drawing herself up. Quite suddenly she had found her strength again, standing straight and bracing herself. "But if you need me to win one against you, then let's go!"
No more monologuing. The spectre raised her hand and Force Lightning burst from her fingers. Rey threw up a shield against it but still it slammed into her, a cascade of it, searing across her skin. It rocked her back on her heels, almost blasting her off her feet.
"You know nothing of the power of the Dark Side. Now you will."
But there you're wrong. Rey should feel overwhelmed by the onslaught, and yet she didn't. She lifted her own hands, and the current before her was broken as if it were a wave hitting a barrier.
"You will yield!" snarled the spectre. Was that her voice? No – or at least it wasn't just her voice. There was another, overlaying the words. "The Dark Side breaks, the Dark Side consumes, the Dark Side subjugates. You – will – yield to it!"
"I think not," Rey growled. She leaned into it now, forging a path through the storm.
For the first time, she saw fear in the gaunt face.
"I realise now," she said, finding it quite easy to keep her voice level. "Neither of us were quite right. I can't pretend that you're not a part of me, but in the end that's all you are… a part. One component along with the rest."
"The part which will rule you!" shrieked her dark reflection.
"No." Rey's voice was controlled, her tone adamantine. "I am more than the sum of my parts, and you aren't strong enough to dominate the rest."
"You say that I should be yours, shadow? I say that you are
mine!"
Her hand snapped out, and the lightning rebounded upon its caster. Her dark self reeled, her outline fraying and turning ragged. For a few seconds the spectre resisted, howling, but Rey pressed further and her opponent reeled and staggered back. Then Rey perceived the shape behind her; a vast, almost formless shadow. A puppeteer, the entity which took hold of one's darkness and turned it against them.
"This isn't what you want – I see that, shadow." Now that her mind wasn't fogged, it was clear. Where her shadow had appealed to her desire to protect others, the hallucinations had sought to turn her against them. "If your desires are mine, then you don't want to kill our friends or cast them aside. There's another will behind you, using you and trying to twist me. I see it now."
So she lashed out at that, turning the storm's fury upon the spectre and feeling a fierce surge of triumph when it reeled and howled. For all its malevolence, it seemed to have little appetite for a struggle now that the trick was revealed. This, Rey understood now, was its weakness. The presence here had no real power of its own, only what it could take and twist for its own use.
And it wouldn't get anything more from Rey. She pushed harder, and felt something give. The shadow dissipated and Rey's double fell, collapsing onto the floor.
The storm died away suddenly. The only sound in the chamber was their breathing.
After a brief pause, Rey felt strong enough to raise her head, steadying herself on her staff. She looked at her slumped, black-clad doppelganger, and limped over to her. The shadow looked up at her with a look of purest loathing but then, as if a switch had suddenly flipped inside her, she scrabbled backwards.
Pure terror painted the marble face, which had suddenly taken on an oddly girlish look. That, and her hunched, animalistic posture. The same that Rey recalled from times she'd hidden from thieves and bandits on Jakku, taking refuge in the depths of wrecks or fleeing headlong across corroded walkways.
Oh, she recognised this alright. "Hey," she said, gently. "I know you. This is the scared girl, alone on Jakku. It's where the anger comes from, something to scare threats away with."
She approached slowly, keeping her voice soft and low. The abject fear of her double lessened, to be replaced with plaintive confusion when Rey extended her free hand.
"Come on." She smiled slightly at the uncomprehending look on the likeness of her own face. The spirit's strength had died away. The malevolence of this place, which had taken Rey's inner darkness and given it this power and malevolent will, had retreated. "I want to own my darkness, not destroy it. You're still a part of me." She beckoned. "So come on. Let's see what we've found."
Hesitantly, the spirit reached out and took her hand. Rey pulled her upright, and turned to see where she'd come to.
She realised what had drawn her eye. Light. Pale and cold, but light all the same, and as she drew closer she found that it illuminated a hexagonal chamber. Panels of pale metal lined its walls – storage vaults, but far smaller than the ones which had entombed the cyborgs earlier.
Her double sensed her thoughts. "Where better to keep your most treasured possessions, than a place only a true Sith – or so they believed – could venture through and survive?"
Though it didn't look as though vault had gone undisturbed all this time. Someone, it seemed, had been here in between the old Sith masters and her. Still decades before Rey had set foot here, she reckoned, but enough that she could see a few scraps of fabric. The remnants of what might be a bedroll. A metal basin, corroded now.
"This was someone's hoard," she murmured.
There were items strewn across the shelves, the stone surfaces and even the floor. Knives, armour, the remains of clothing and pieces of jewellery. Rey hesitated to touch any, however; she could feel the taint of the Dark Side on them.
"I don't like these," her shadow said softly. With the breaking of the place's hold on her, something had shifted subtly in her. Rey recognised her own anger and fear in this woman – but only her own. The conniving, predatory aspects were gone. "And no holocron either."
"Actually," Rey replied. "That's what you're wrong. Look here."
A holocron lay in one corner, in a half-open casket. It was heavily scuffed, but she could feel its presence. It was intact.
"And even if we hadn't found it, I'd call getting through this a victory." After all, finding these items was still a success, in that they could deny them to the enemy – just as soon as she reached her friends. Torch the place, destroy the trinkets, and Kylo Ren would be cheated of more fuel for his power.
It looked like the place had been vacated in a hurry, enough for Rey to wonder what the circumstances had been. She turned over some scraps of paper, noting the same crazed scrawl and acerbic tone on each page. Most of it felt like an unbroken screed, invective against a master who had… abandoned the author? Betrayed him?
They were fragmented, and she suspected that the same could be said for whoever had penned them. Still, they'd be worth perusing, just as soon as she was out of here.
Rey put them in her satchel for now. They could wait. There were other passages which drew her eye; passages which spoke of a scheming mind directing the pen. A wounded predator, perhaps, considering his targets while his injuries healed.
But then she caught sight of something on a shelf, something which gleamed and lacked the dark taint of so many of the artefacts in here.
Aha. A data-stick, with navigation markers. A stellar map. She bagged it along with the holocron.
"Right," she said, turning back to her shadow, and noting that her double's robes didn't seem
quite as dark as before, no longer drinking in the light. "Shall we go together?"
"We shall." And with that last, soft smile, Rey's dark mirror dissolved into vapour, curling around Rey. She felt it suffuse her, not overwhelming her but simply affirming its place as a part of who and what she was. Because she could own her darkness, and control it. She wouldn't let it be used against her. And with that, she left the chamber and headed for the surface.
The final door scraped open in front of Finn, and Rey almost collapsed into his arms. Finn clasped her shoulders and held her steady, before she pushed her way forward and hugged him hard.
He sighed with relief, squeezing her back. "Hey."
"Hey."
"Was afraid we'd lost you down there."
Her reply was a moment in coming, and thick with emotion. "Me too, Finn. But I'm back."
She only pulled away to embrace Poe, Chewie and Rose in turn as the others clustered round. She'd plainly been through the ringer. He could see several rents in her armour, some of them crusted with dried blood, and her whole body sagged with exhaustion. But she was here, she was alive, and her friends could hardly contain their relief.
Finn and Poe moved to either side of her and made to take an arm, and after a momentary wince, she smiled when they took the weight. And again, more broadly, when she caught sight of Kaydel.
Awkwardly, she levered herself off Poe and Finn's shoulders to embrace the lieutenant, hugging her tightly. "Bloody hell. You all came out here for me?"
Kaydel put on a smirk, though she couldn't fully hide her relief and soon broke off to gaze into Rey's eyes. "We couldn't find anything better to do than come looking."
"You really did give us a scare," Rose added.
Rey gave her a little smile, and took a halting step forward. "Same here, but we got what we came for, and a little more besides."
"Hold up." Finn took a firm hold of her shoulder, and permitted himself a smile when she did the same. "I think you've exerted yourself enough for one day." Kaydel took her staff, the better for Poe and Finn to slip back in under Rey's arms and support her, and the two women shared another long look.
Finally, Poe cleared his throat and jostled Rey a little. "Can we get you back to the ship now, pal?"
"And quit this hellhole?" She nodded, drawing a slow breath before they began moving. "Bloody yes please."