I woke up with a start. The noise of the city hitting me far too strongly. Looking back I'm...
What it Takes (MCU SI)
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Prologue
- Location
- United Kingdom
I woke up with a start. The noise of the city hitting me far too strongly. Looking back I'm surprised that was the first thing I noticed, how loud everything was. Wherever I was it most certainly wasn't my bedroom, where I'm sure I fell asleep last night.
I felt a prickling sensation on my arms and back which only served to make me even more cautious. The noise still deafening, I grasp around trying to try and get a hold on something anything. Slowly opening my eyes to see sun rays peaking through branches and leaves of the tree I'm lying underneath. I don't understand what was going on. When did I go to sleep outside. I should have woken up looking at my bedroom ceiling.
Rising suddenly I look around me in panic. It looks like I'm in a park. There are people milling ground and sitting on the grass and benches. I see dog eagerly chasing a thrown ball. I jump to my feet holding on the tree to steady myself. Was I kidnapped? No way my brother won't do something as crazy as this for a prank. He'd definitely...
With dawning horror I realized something even more shocking. I couldn't remember anything. I know I had a brother. But I can't remember his face or his name or MY name. It was liking trying to grab mist, I knew it was there but it kept escaping my grasp. Feeling weak at the knees I sank back down slowly leaning on the tree behind me. Alright deep breaths whatever my name is, deep breaths. Panicking won't help me, it'll only make things worse.
My memory was cloudy at best. I can remember places I've been to things I've watched and read but I could remember the faces or names of the people in my life at all.
-
When I finally got myself together I once again attempted to pinpoint my location. This was clearly a park, definitely the biggest park I've ever been in without a doubt. Stepping away from the shadow of the tree I looked around the edges of the park. All around there was huge buildings surrounding the park in a rectangular shape. I can see even more peaking over the tree-line. The sight oil my breath away instantly. I have never so many tall buildings in my entire life. It was as if I wasn't even in England anymore...
The more I observed my surroundings the more familiar it looked to me. I have seen this skyline so many times in my life. Not in person but through a screen, in movies, TV shows in everything. How the hell did I get to New York city.
-
Ok, so I was in a different city in an entirely different country. Across a whole goddamn ocean my mind supplied unhelpfully. This wasn't the end of the world. All I need to do was get in contact with the relevant authorities and explain how I fell asleep in Manchester, England and woke up in New York city, New York. My painfully obvious british accent should hopefully keep me from getting arrested... Who the hell am I kidding, I'm definitely getting arrested as an illegal immigrant.
Looking through the pockets of the jeans I was wearing, didn't go to sleep in these who the hell would, I was unsupervised to find nothing. No wallet which means no identification which means prison. Forever. And don't say I'm being melodramatic either, Trump is the president now after all.
I find myself in a pickle. Without direction I had no idea where to go. Looking around I saw a jogger running at a steady pace towards my general direction. I floundered for a moment trying to think of what to say before I gestured towards the jogger.
"Excuse me ma'am may I ask for some directions" hopefully my british accent disarms her, after all Americans have a fascination with it, right. That can't be some rubbish I heard on the internet, right. Argh focus you idiot.
"Sure, where are you trying to get to?" the athletic looking woman replied slowing down.
Relieved that I found what seemed to be a nice person I asked "Do you know how I can get to the closest library?".
-
After receiving directions from the helpful woman I made my way to of the many gates. Alright this is it, first step into the city proper. Try not to get lost.
Stepping onto the sidewalk I was taken aback by the sheer number of people. Now I grew up in a big city myself but New York dwarfs everything back home in size and numbers. The sidewalks were packed with pedestrians walking passed each shoulder to shoulder. I was swept away with flow of the crowd around me, unwilling heading towards the opposite direction that I should be. Quickly untangling myself whilst trying to run into as few people as I could, I make my way to the library.
I arrived at the arrived at my destination some 20 minutes later. As I entered the library I looked for a computer. Sitting down at an empty computer I was relieved to find that I didn't have to sign in. It was currently 7pm as the time displayed on the computer but the year wasn't correct, which was sloppy of the library management. Ignoring that I quickly searched recent news which kept referring to Stark Industries as if that was a real thing.
But the more I read the more the sinking feeling in my stomach increased. This just wasn't possible. There is a clear line between fiction and reality. Was I going insane? How would I know? No really, how would I...
"Excuse me sir" called a voice behind me.
Slowly turning around I was met with the sight of what looked to be the librarian.
"Yes can I help you" I managed to stutter out.
"Sir the library is now closing so if you can please make your way to the exit"
Ah I see. I must have been here longer than I thought. Actually this was a good opportunity to get some answers from a somewhat reliable source.
"Of course, just one thing ma'am. What year is it?" I asked hoping she breaks me out of this delusion.
With a slight confused frown she replied "it's 2011, why do you ask?".
For a moment I froze in pure shock. This wasn't possible, couldn't be possible. I mean time travel, that's ridiculous, right? And not only that but time travel into a fictional world.
-
Finally once the librarian shooed me out whilst muttering under her breath, I was on the streets again. I had to organise my thoughts. There were too many shocking revelations one after the other, I couldn't handle it.
Ok, so you're in the marvel universe and also somehow travelled 7 years in the past. You're in a superhero setting. THE superhero setting, other than DC, which thank god I haven't been dropped in. This is manageable. Your know where all the fights happen, just stay away from them and then...
Shit I just remembered, The Snap.... I'm so screwed.
AN - This is the very first fanfic I've ever written so don't expect anything out of this world. Still any and all constructive criticism is welcome as it will hopefully help me become a better writer.
Another note is that from Chapter 1 onwards I will be making sure that every chapter is at LEAST 1500 words.
I felt a prickling sensation on my arms and back which only served to make me even more cautious. The noise still deafening, I grasp around trying to try and get a hold on something anything. Slowly opening my eyes to see sun rays peaking through branches and leaves of the tree I'm lying underneath. I don't understand what was going on. When did I go to sleep outside. I should have woken up looking at my bedroom ceiling.
Rising suddenly I look around me in panic. It looks like I'm in a park. There are people milling ground and sitting on the grass and benches. I see dog eagerly chasing a thrown ball. I jump to my feet holding on the tree to steady myself. Was I kidnapped? No way my brother won't do something as crazy as this for a prank. He'd definitely...
With dawning horror I realized something even more shocking. I couldn't remember anything. I know I had a brother. But I can't remember his face or his name or MY name. It was liking trying to grab mist, I knew it was there but it kept escaping my grasp. Feeling weak at the knees I sank back down slowly leaning on the tree behind me. Alright deep breaths whatever my name is, deep breaths. Panicking won't help me, it'll only make things worse.
My memory was cloudy at best. I can remember places I've been to things I've watched and read but I could remember the faces or names of the people in my life at all.
-
When I finally got myself together I once again attempted to pinpoint my location. This was clearly a park, definitely the biggest park I've ever been in without a doubt. Stepping away from the shadow of the tree I looked around the edges of the park. All around there was huge buildings surrounding the park in a rectangular shape. I can see even more peaking over the tree-line. The sight oil my breath away instantly. I have never so many tall buildings in my entire life. It was as if I wasn't even in England anymore...
The more I observed my surroundings the more familiar it looked to me. I have seen this skyline so many times in my life. Not in person but through a screen, in movies, TV shows in everything. How the hell did I get to New York city.
-
Ok, so I was in a different city in an entirely different country. Across a whole goddamn ocean my mind supplied unhelpfully. This wasn't the end of the world. All I need to do was get in contact with the relevant authorities and explain how I fell asleep in Manchester, England and woke up in New York city, New York. My painfully obvious british accent should hopefully keep me from getting arrested... Who the hell am I kidding, I'm definitely getting arrested as an illegal immigrant.
Looking through the pockets of the jeans I was wearing, didn't go to sleep in these who the hell would, I was unsupervised to find nothing. No wallet which means no identification which means prison. Forever. And don't say I'm being melodramatic either, Trump is the president now after all.
I find myself in a pickle. Without direction I had no idea where to go. Looking around I saw a jogger running at a steady pace towards my general direction. I floundered for a moment trying to think of what to say before I gestured towards the jogger.
"Excuse me ma'am may I ask for some directions" hopefully my british accent disarms her, after all Americans have a fascination with it, right. That can't be some rubbish I heard on the internet, right. Argh focus you idiot.
"Sure, where are you trying to get to?" the athletic looking woman replied slowing down.
Relieved that I found what seemed to be a nice person I asked "Do you know how I can get to the closest library?".
-
After receiving directions from the helpful woman I made my way to of the many gates. Alright this is it, first step into the city proper. Try not to get lost.
Stepping onto the sidewalk I was taken aback by the sheer number of people. Now I grew up in a big city myself but New York dwarfs everything back home in size and numbers. The sidewalks were packed with pedestrians walking passed each shoulder to shoulder. I was swept away with flow of the crowd around me, unwilling heading towards the opposite direction that I should be. Quickly untangling myself whilst trying to run into as few people as I could, I make my way to the library.
I arrived at the arrived at my destination some 20 minutes later. As I entered the library I looked for a computer. Sitting down at an empty computer I was relieved to find that I didn't have to sign in. It was currently 7pm as the time displayed on the computer but the year wasn't correct, which was sloppy of the library management. Ignoring that I quickly searched recent news which kept referring to Stark Industries as if that was a real thing.
But the more I read the more the sinking feeling in my stomach increased. This just wasn't possible. There is a clear line between fiction and reality. Was I going insane? How would I know? No really, how would I...
"Excuse me sir" called a voice behind me.
Slowly turning around I was met with the sight of what looked to be the librarian.
"Yes can I help you" I managed to stutter out.
"Sir the library is now closing so if you can please make your way to the exit"
Ah I see. I must have been here longer than I thought. Actually this was a good opportunity to get some answers from a somewhat reliable source.
"Of course, just one thing ma'am. What year is it?" I asked hoping she breaks me out of this delusion.
With a slight confused frown she replied "it's 2011, why do you ask?".
For a moment I froze in pure shock. This wasn't possible, couldn't be possible. I mean time travel, that's ridiculous, right? And not only that but time travel into a fictional world.
-
Finally once the librarian shooed me out whilst muttering under her breath, I was on the streets again. I had to organise my thoughts. There were too many shocking revelations one after the other, I couldn't handle it.
Ok, so you're in the marvel universe and also somehow travelled 7 years in the past. You're in a superhero setting. THE superhero setting, other than DC, which thank god I haven't been dropped in. This is manageable. Your know where all the fights happen, just stay away from them and then...
Shit I just remembered, The Snap.... I'm so screwed.
AN - This is the very first fanfic I've ever written so don't expect anything out of this world. Still any and all constructive criticism is welcome as it will hopefully help me become a better writer.
Another note is that from Chapter 1 onwards I will be making sure that every chapter is at LEAST 1500 words.
Last edited:
RichardWhereat
Feanor did nothing wrong.
- Location
- Australia
You don't need to italicise thoughts to make them noticeable as thoughts. Consider how they're done professionally in published works, and that you've got a lot of thoughts there that you didn't italicise.
To show the difference between yours and his, I've gotta quote you here, and hopefully it'll explain why what you did was unnecessary.
---------
EDIT:
I mostly have a bug up my arse about it because I see too many fanfics going:
Uhmm hi erry1 <3, jus 2 let u no, Im usin these descriptors to show if someone is talking, telepathin at peeps, or talking demonically, grr, lol hope u luv the storiee <3
Speech
#Telepathy#
Demonic/Animalistic Speech
#Demonic/Animalistic Telepathy#
And at this point I try to explain, it's annoying. Show don't tell. Use descriptive narration to show that the persons voice has taken on a demonic timbre.
It's definitely nothing personal. Now I'm going to jump back in and read the rest of the story.
Here we see Dresdens thoughts, copied verbatim, and there's nothing to emphasize that he's thinking, rather than simple narration, because the narration is him thinking. The story is, like yours, told in first person.Jim Butchers 'Turn Coat' said:
To show the difference between yours and his, I've gotta quote you here, and hopefully it'll explain why what you did was unnecessary.
You were very obviously thinking in the first half, and it didn't need italicisation, whereas you italicised the second half, and it didn't need it either. It was clear that it was you thinking in both instances. If you hadn't applied italics, then you wouldn't have needed to use all caps for 'THE', as you could have just used italics there. In both instances, they were thoughts. All narration in first person is the person thinking. We recognise that, and don't need any special formatting to understand.
---------
EDIT:
I mostly have a bug up my arse about it because I see too many fanfics going:
Uhmm hi erry1 <3, jus 2 let u no, Im usin these descriptors to show if someone is talking, telepathin at peeps, or talking demonically, grr, lol hope u luv the storiee <3
Speech
#Telepathy#
Demonic/Animalistic Speech
#Demonic/Animalistic Telepathy#
And at this point I try to explain, it's annoying. Show don't tell. Use descriptive narration to show that the persons voice has taken on a demonic timbre.
It's definitely nothing personal. Now I'm going to jump back in and read the rest of the story.
Last edited:
Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
The most expensive ground in the world!
I think you meant "milling around" and got autocorrected?
Decent start, waiting on more to form an opinion.
PS. You're an Englishman in New York. Put on some Sting!
Last edited:
- Location
- United Kingdom
Corrected. Thanks everyone for all the constructive criticism.
- Location
- United Kingdom
I understand what you're saying. I mistakenly thought that I needed to make a distinction between narration and thoughts. Thanks for the suggestion.
Powers
- Location
- United Kingdom
For anyone who's interested these are his powers. They're are going to be introduced in the next chapter which will be up in a couple hours time.
He has this blue sun made of energy in his mind that he can see when he meditates. He can use this energy to achieve various effects but the two primary uses will be forcefields and energy blasts. Think Violet from Incredibles forcefields and Dragon ball energy blast (nowhere near as powerful though). With experience he can enhance himself temporarily by channeling the energy he can run faster, jump higher and hit harder
Chapter 1 - Home Sweet Home
- Location
- United Kingdom
With my head swimming I walked in the general direction of the park again. Then a realisation hit me, I was homeless. I mean, really I didn't exist here. This was an alien concept to me. I mean how pathetic would it be to end up in a fictional story of epicness and then die of starvation. That would be an insult to all the self inserts before me.
No really, every story I read there's always an angle they play. Get in with Stark or steal everyone's shit and become an all powerful demi-god on earth. I'm in 2011 though, which means that several major events have already taken place. I'm one year away from earth second alien invasion. Plenty of time to get the fuck out of dodge.
Clearing my head I look around noticing that there was barely anyone on the street I was on. Dammit don't tell me I took a wrong turn, this seems like a side street or even a...
"Well well well what's this we got here boys" I hear a voice come from behind me.
Turning around suddenly I find myself face to face with four rough looking men.
Oh shit, please tell me this isn't what I'm thinking it is. "Uh...hi can...I help you" I stutter out.
"oh no no no that's not right now is. It's how can we help you" the lead one laughs "you lost or something my man"
Ohshitshitshitshitshit
"Uh no I'm fine just heading that way bye" I quickly turn around to find yet another thug behind me. Damn this is clearly an ambush, what the hell do I do?!
"What's that, you ARE lost" he continues ignoring my answer "well don't worry at all. Its your lucky day sir. You see me and the boys are actually tour guides. For a small price we'll be willing to help you on your merry way" he says smiling. The thugs around us chuckling at my misfortune and their perceived gain.
"Now what do you say" he leans in while still keeping that infuriating smirk on his face.
I was trapped in a deserted alley surrounded by thugs with no way out. I couldn't tell them that the sum total of my shit consisted of the t-shirt, jeans and shoes I was wearing and nothing else. I doubt they'd be happy with this at all. Dammit I've got no other options.
"Well you see fellas I... don't have my wallet on me or anything of worth to pay you for you're service so...." I say carefully.
The smirks suddenly turned to frowns.
"Well that's just unfortunate is it. We come here to help you and you're being rude to us, being impolite, withholding our rightfully earned money" the lead thug starts to rant, spittle fly everywhere.
"Wait no... Uh you don't understand, I'm..." suddenly I was cut off as I doubled over in pain from the fist that was buried in my gut.
Sinking to my knees while clutching my stomach I take deep desperate breaths. The thugs leans down next to my ear to say "Well looks like we're going to have to teach you the errors of your ways right boys".
Looking up I see the three thugs behind the leader rushing towards me with sick grins on their faces. Shit I was on the ground already, they're going to kick the shit out of me. In pure terror I lift my left hand and scream in fear.
"NOOOOO"
A blue pulse of pure energy leaves my palm and strikes all four thugs directly in front of me. It carried them for a few metres where the drop in smoking heap.
In shock I look at my palm to find that a blue glowing that was receding underneath my dark skin.
"Holy shit" I hear behind. I scramble to my feet turning around as quick as I could. I find the fifth thug looking at me with wide eyes. Slowly back away muttering expletives he turned and sprinted as fast he could out of sight.
Finally I was alone once again.
-
So powers huh. Worth the homeless status in my opinion, just barely. This means I won't die a horrible quick death. Or at least until Thanos screws everyone everywhere over. This wasn't a safe place to further investigate what in the shit just happened. The thugs weren't dead, I can hear them groaning in pain. Well no need to stick around till they wake up. After I don't know if can replicate that blast again.
Making my quickly to central park I stayed on busy public streets. Although the day winding down and it was almost sunset the amount of people hasn't decreased at all. If anything it seems as if there are more people than ever.
Arriving at the park I searched for a more quiet corner where I plopped down on the grass. I was once underneath a tree where I began the day. The sky had taken a beautiful purple hue as the sun set. The park quickly grew darker an quieter as people began to go home.
I tried to focus within myself to find that energy I used earlier. I wasn't panicking now, I was calm. Slowly the deeper I breathed the clearer the image in my head became. I saw a huge resplendent blue sun in my mind. It was pulsing with energy and I can feel this warmth spreading through my body. All the fatigue and hunger that has accumulated over the long tasking day I had was swept away. Well this hopefully mean that I don't have to eat as much anymore, which solves one of my pressing issues.
Concentrating on my right hand I willed a tiny portion of energy from the giant sun in my mind. My palm started to glow and let of blue light with pieces drifting off. Slowly shaping it into a ball I found it was almost instinctual. It is as if the energy wanted to be used as it moved to obey my mental commands as soon as I have them.
Slowly opening my eyes I gasped at the floating blue ball in the centre of my hand. It was getting a little too big now so I cut off it energy supply. Now what?
I couldn't just throw it. I have a feeling it's going to explode and that'll catch attention. The wrong kind of attention. I was not ready for SHIELD, and by extension HYDRA, knowing about me yet. I had to get stronger before I was able to deal on my terms. Alright here's the plan. There's no one around me right now so it should be safe to throw it as high as I can run for my life. Here we go..
Cocking my arm back I threw the tiny ball of destruction as high up as I could and ran away. Looking behind me it looked like someone shot a flare into the sky.
BOOOOOOM
Holy fuck that was bigger than I thought it would be. The tiny ball exploded into a huge ten metre sphere. I can see the air rippling all around the explosion and the trees shaking violentlycausing tremors in the ground around me. That was far too big, I must have put more energy than I realised into it.
Quickly running away from the explosion site I made my way through the streets of Manhattan. IIcan hear police sirens heading towards the park and some speeding passed me. I kept my head low and slowed down till my pace was steady, after all no need to look suspicious.
I headed towards the docks hoping to find an abandoned warehouse that I can train in for a while. Following Spiderman's footsteps, or his future steps since he doesn't have his powers yet.
It was really dark by the time I finally arrived at what looks to be an abandoned warehouse. Climbing over the metal chain link fence I crept around the back of the warehouse looking for a way in. There was a window a little high up but perhaps I can reach it using the dumpsters lining the back wall of the warehouse.
-
Finally after what seemed like hours of hard work I climbed through the window that I forced open. Closing it behind me I looked around at what will be my home for the foreseeable future.
It looked gutted as if all the heavy machinery was removed out in a hurry. Rebar and trash was lying around on the ground level, with catwalks lining the upper level and there was this peculiar smell coming from somewhere but other than that...home sweet home.
AN - I don't have an update schedule but I'll try my best to update at least twice a day. I'm posting this as I go along so update speed should be fast for a while. As always constructive criticism is welcomed
No really, every story I read there's always an angle they play. Get in with Stark or steal everyone's shit and become an all powerful demi-god on earth. I'm in 2011 though, which means that several major events have already taken place. I'm one year away from earth second alien invasion. Plenty of time to get the fuck out of dodge.
Clearing my head I look around noticing that there was barely anyone on the street I was on. Dammit don't tell me I took a wrong turn, this seems like a side street or even a...
"Well well well what's this we got here boys" I hear a voice come from behind me.
Turning around suddenly I find myself face to face with four rough looking men.
Oh shit, please tell me this isn't what I'm thinking it is. "Uh...hi can...I help you" I stutter out.
"oh no no no that's not right now is. It's how can we help you" the lead one laughs "you lost or something my man"
Ohshitshitshitshitshit
"Uh no I'm fine just heading that way bye" I quickly turn around to find yet another thug behind me. Damn this is clearly an ambush, what the hell do I do?!
"What's that, you ARE lost" he continues ignoring my answer "well don't worry at all. Its your lucky day sir. You see me and the boys are actually tour guides. For a small price we'll be willing to help you on your merry way" he says smiling. The thugs around us chuckling at my misfortune and their perceived gain.
"Now what do you say" he leans in while still keeping that infuriating smirk on his face.
I was trapped in a deserted alley surrounded by thugs with no way out. I couldn't tell them that the sum total of my shit consisted of the t-shirt, jeans and shoes I was wearing and nothing else. I doubt they'd be happy with this at all. Dammit I've got no other options.
"Well you see fellas I... don't have my wallet on me or anything of worth to pay you for you're service so...." I say carefully.
The smirks suddenly turned to frowns.
"Well that's just unfortunate is it. We come here to help you and you're being rude to us, being impolite, withholding our rightfully earned money" the lead thug starts to rant, spittle fly everywhere.
"Wait no... Uh you don't understand, I'm..." suddenly I was cut off as I doubled over in pain from the fist that was buried in my gut.
Sinking to my knees while clutching my stomach I take deep desperate breaths. The thugs leans down next to my ear to say "Well looks like we're going to have to teach you the errors of your ways right boys".
Looking up I see the three thugs behind the leader rushing towards me with sick grins on their faces. Shit I was on the ground already, they're going to kick the shit out of me. In pure terror I lift my left hand and scream in fear.
"NOOOOO"
A blue pulse of pure energy leaves my palm and strikes all four thugs directly in front of me. It carried them for a few metres where the drop in smoking heap.
In shock I look at my palm to find that a blue glowing that was receding underneath my dark skin.
"Holy shit" I hear behind. I scramble to my feet turning around as quick as I could. I find the fifth thug looking at me with wide eyes. Slowly back away muttering expletives he turned and sprinted as fast he could out of sight.
Finally I was alone once again.
-
So powers huh. Worth the homeless status in my opinion, just barely. This means I won't die a horrible quick death. Or at least until Thanos screws everyone everywhere over. This wasn't a safe place to further investigate what in the shit just happened. The thugs weren't dead, I can hear them groaning in pain. Well no need to stick around till they wake up. After I don't know if can replicate that blast again.
Making my quickly to central park I stayed on busy public streets. Although the day winding down and it was almost sunset the amount of people hasn't decreased at all. If anything it seems as if there are more people than ever.
Arriving at the park I searched for a more quiet corner where I plopped down on the grass. I was once underneath a tree where I began the day. The sky had taken a beautiful purple hue as the sun set. The park quickly grew darker an quieter as people began to go home.
I tried to focus within myself to find that energy I used earlier. I wasn't panicking now, I was calm. Slowly the deeper I breathed the clearer the image in my head became. I saw a huge resplendent blue sun in my mind. It was pulsing with energy and I can feel this warmth spreading through my body. All the fatigue and hunger that has accumulated over the long tasking day I had was swept away. Well this hopefully mean that I don't have to eat as much anymore, which solves one of my pressing issues.
Concentrating on my right hand I willed a tiny portion of energy from the giant sun in my mind. My palm started to glow and let of blue light with pieces drifting off. Slowly shaping it into a ball I found it was almost instinctual. It is as if the energy wanted to be used as it moved to obey my mental commands as soon as I have them.
Slowly opening my eyes I gasped at the floating blue ball in the centre of my hand. It was getting a little too big now so I cut off it energy supply. Now what?
I couldn't just throw it. I have a feeling it's going to explode and that'll catch attention. The wrong kind of attention. I was not ready for SHIELD, and by extension HYDRA, knowing about me yet. I had to get stronger before I was able to deal on my terms. Alright here's the plan. There's no one around me right now so it should be safe to throw it as high as I can run for my life. Here we go..
Cocking my arm back I threw the tiny ball of destruction as high up as I could and ran away. Looking behind me it looked like someone shot a flare into the sky.
BOOOOOOM
Holy fuck that was bigger than I thought it would be. The tiny ball exploded into a huge ten metre sphere. I can see the air rippling all around the explosion and the trees shaking violentlycausing tremors in the ground around me. That was far too big, I must have put more energy than I realised into it.
Quickly running away from the explosion site I made my way through the streets of Manhattan. IIcan hear police sirens heading towards the park and some speeding passed me. I kept my head low and slowed down till my pace was steady, after all no need to look suspicious.
I headed towards the docks hoping to find an abandoned warehouse that I can train in for a while. Following Spiderman's footsteps, or his future steps since he doesn't have his powers yet.
It was really dark by the time I finally arrived at what looks to be an abandoned warehouse. Climbing over the metal chain link fence I crept around the back of the warehouse looking for a way in. There was a window a little high up but perhaps I can reach it using the dumpsters lining the back wall of the warehouse.
-
Finally after what seemed like hours of hard work I climbed through the window that I forced open. Closing it behind me I looked around at what will be my home for the foreseeable future.
It looked gutted as if all the heavy machinery was removed out in a hurry. Rebar and trash was lying around on the ground level, with catwalks lining the upper level and there was this peculiar smell coming from somewhere but other than that...home sweet home.
AN - I don't have an update schedule but I'll try my best to update at least twice a day. I'm posting this as I go along so update speed should be fast for a while. As always constructive criticism is welcomed
Last edited:
- Location
- United Kingdom
So is he gonna be a defensive fighter, as he's one of the few charectors with some form of shielding, and he clearly lacks combat experience
Last edited:
- Location
- Somewhere left of nowhere near anywhere
these powers sound a lot like Biotics, except with less versatility and power.
Last edited:
- Location
- United Kingdom
Yes definitely defensive fighter. He'll be soaking up enemy fire whilst also sending his own back. And excellent distraction for potential teammates. As for combat experience he will soon begin to learn how to fight and begin making a name for himself as a vigilante.
Not really what I was thinking of when I thought this up but ok. He'll eventually be very powerful and tanky, really really tanky. As in tank a serious Thor tanky. I don't think biotics could pull that off.
- Location
- Somewhere left of nowhere near anywhere
I take it you have not played ME Andromeda. In one of the missions an Asari reflects an entire Dreadnoughts broadside back at it destroying it.
If looked at closely Biotics are kinda OP.
But besides that, Is he only gonna be some tanky shield brute who shoot's "energy" at people, or can he do anything actually interesting with his ability?
- Location
- United Kingdom
Nope haven't played any of the games that much actually though from what I did know I didn't think biotics would be capable of such a thing.
Basically yes at least at the beginning. As he becomes more experienced he'll learn other ways he can use his powers such as enhancement.
Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
all-powerful demigod
from Earth's second
Technically it was just New York that was invaded, otherwise you can't get out of Dodge when Dodge is Earth.
there was barely anyone
a deserted alley
If you didn't add deserted, "an" would be correct. You use "an" when the next word begins with a vowel.
blue glow, which was
behind me.
Unless you literally heard your ass XD
plopped
Plodding is walking, plopping is sitting down.
and
Give the poor words some space!
There's something off-putting about a swarm of screaming cars...
Try to restructure the sentence so its the sirens which are wailing.Other than that there is the unfortunate side-effect of not italizing your thoughts in the mixing of tenses. You describe events in past tense, but during them you interrupt with present tense.
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Chapter 2 - Humble Beginnings
- Location
- United Kingdom
Once again I felt revitalised as I came out of my meditation. It has been a long but productive week since I first woke up in this universe. Despite everything I'm still in disbelief, but it's my reality now and I've been taking it very seriously.
I soon discovered the biggest benefit of my meditation as I no longer required food and water. These meditation sessions were even making me healthier and fitter. It's as if ever time I used it I slowly undid the years of unhealthy eating and lack of exercise I made my body go through. Over a mere week I have grow a couple inches and gained some muscle tone.
I've also been working on control by collecting some energy into my hands and slowly increasing and decreasing it's size. The orb that I threw in the park was around 5 centimetres in diameter and that caused such a huge explosion. I only practiced with throwing 0.5 cm orbs so as to not attract attention.
Using some of the trash lying around as target practice I worked on my aim which led me to discovering another thing about my orbs. After they are thrown I can mentally decide when the explode and even change the direction they go in, but the more energy the orb contains the less I am able to effect it after it has been released.
In my attempt to replicate the non lethal attack I used on the thugs, I almost revealed myself. It was 3 days ago and I was standing with my right hand out in front of me with an open palm I willed some energy forward but I didn't shape it. Suddenly a bright beam left my hand and collided with the wall of the warehouse ripping through it in and instant. Thankfully the metal dumpsters that I can first used to get into the warehouse stopped it.
I found that the beams where far weaker than the orbs but much faster. This could possibly be because the orbs felt 'heavier', as if they contain more energy than the beam. An experienced fighter would easily be able to dodge the orbs but if they hit. There are very few people that I think will be able to walk away from, basically Hulk and Thor and maybe iron man.
Whilst I could control the orbs to a high degree now, I was unable to train the beams in such an enclosed space without attracting unwanted attention, so that took the back burner for awhile.
I thought if I can heal myself using the energy then maybe I can use it to increase my strength and speed. Experimenting with this thought led to discovering another path. If I channel the energy properly I can punch hard enough that the concrete cracks. When I channel the energy to my eyes, time slows to a crawl. I tested by throwing a heavy metal plate in the air and then watching it almost float to the ground. Whilst I can still move normal the world around me is slowed down considerably. I can't keep this state for long though as this pressure builds up in my head that becomes painful after a few seconds. This all meant that I can hopefully avoid being a glass canon.
Aside from meditating and training I also visited the library everyday to make sure that I didn't miss any important events. The disastrous Stark expo wasn't that long ago and Tony Stark's victory over Ivan Vanko still dominanted majority of the news. It seems I arrived at the tail end of Iron man 2. It's June 2011 right now and on May 2012 the Chitauri attack earth. That means I have just over a year to prepare myself.
The biggest weakness that I had was that I don't know how to fight, which was a huge waste of my enhancement abilities. If I'm going to be standing shoulder to shoulder with earth's mightiest heroes I had to be more than just my ability. I had to have as many tricks and aces up my sleeve as I possibly could and be prepared for every situation that I find myself in. What happens if I suddenly don't have access to my powers or I'm too tired to use them? With the way I am right now that would mean instant death for me, so I had to learn how to fight.
-
I couldn't join an official martial arts dojo as I don't have the money for it. Also I don't think they accept people who look and smell homeless. A week of no showers with only one pair of clothes would do that to you. For the hundredth time I was immensely grateful that my ability substituted for food and water.
Anyhow, I can only do one thing in this situation which was to try and teach myself. The librarian had become familiar with my face over this past week and didn't try to prevent me from using the facilities. And so I began searching a way to reach myself some basics from the internet.
I was near a skate park in Chinatown practising one day when I was approached by a young asian girl. She came up to me with an annoyed expression on her face whilst I was practicing what I had learnt online. There were some free lessons going on around the area and I had come to check them out. I was disappointed to find that they were mainly health lessons for seniors with actual battle worth martial arts being taught. For some reason this girl looked incredibly familiar. We stood there awkwardly for a moment before I opened my mouth to ask her what she what she wanted.
"You are without doubt the worst practitioner I have ever seen" she spoke up suddenly "Hell you can't even be call a practitioner with whatever you're trying to do there"
"Sorry but... do I know you?" I asked wondering why she was so angry. Though the longer I looked at her the more familiar she looked.
"Doubt it. Are you looking for work?" she said whilst not so subtly looking down at what I was wearing.
What the hell. This was highly suspicious. An extremely familiar looking girl who I'm sure I've never seen before suddenly approached me on the street and is now offering me a job. Dammit at this point I'll take whenever I can get.
"Yes actually I am. Do you know anyone that's hiring" I say trying not show how much I needed this although she probably has an idea already.
"Well that depends, do you think you can clean better than you can fight?"
I was about to answer when she cut me off again "Think about and if you do want the job come to this address" she says whilst handing me a flyer before walking away.
I watched her leave before checking out the flyer she gave me.
Self defence and Martial arts training – At the brand new Chikara Dojo with Sensei Colleen Wing.
-
AN – Sorry for the info dump. I'm just setting things up for the future. Also I wanted to make the chapter longer but I'm having troubles writing up to 1.5k, so from now on I'll just try to make it more than 1k words at least.
I soon discovered the biggest benefit of my meditation as I no longer required food and water. These meditation sessions were even making me healthier and fitter. It's as if ever time I used it I slowly undid the years of unhealthy eating and lack of exercise I made my body go through. Over a mere week I have grow a couple inches and gained some muscle tone.
I've also been working on control by collecting some energy into my hands and slowly increasing and decreasing it's size. The orb that I threw in the park was around 5 centimetres in diameter and that caused such a huge explosion. I only practiced with throwing 0.5 cm orbs so as to not attract attention.
Using some of the trash lying around as target practice I worked on my aim which led me to discovering another thing about my orbs. After they are thrown I can mentally decide when the explode and even change the direction they go in, but the more energy the orb contains the less I am able to effect it after it has been released.
In my attempt to replicate the non lethal attack I used on the thugs, I almost revealed myself. It was 3 days ago and I was standing with my right hand out in front of me with an open palm I willed some energy forward but I didn't shape it. Suddenly a bright beam left my hand and collided with the wall of the warehouse ripping through it in and instant. Thankfully the metal dumpsters that I can first used to get into the warehouse stopped it.
I found that the beams where far weaker than the orbs but much faster. This could possibly be because the orbs felt 'heavier', as if they contain more energy than the beam. An experienced fighter would easily be able to dodge the orbs but if they hit. There are very few people that I think will be able to walk away from, basically Hulk and Thor and maybe iron man.
Whilst I could control the orbs to a high degree now, I was unable to train the beams in such an enclosed space without attracting unwanted attention, so that took the back burner for awhile.
I thought if I can heal myself using the energy then maybe I can use it to increase my strength and speed. Experimenting with this thought led to discovering another path. If I channel the energy properly I can punch hard enough that the concrete cracks. When I channel the energy to my eyes, time slows to a crawl. I tested by throwing a heavy metal plate in the air and then watching it almost float to the ground. Whilst I can still move normal the world around me is slowed down considerably. I can't keep this state for long though as this pressure builds up in my head that becomes painful after a few seconds. This all meant that I can hopefully avoid being a glass canon.
Aside from meditating and training I also visited the library everyday to make sure that I didn't miss any important events. The disastrous Stark expo wasn't that long ago and Tony Stark's victory over Ivan Vanko still dominanted majority of the news. It seems I arrived at the tail end of Iron man 2. It's June 2011 right now and on May 2012 the Chitauri attack earth. That means I have just over a year to prepare myself.
The biggest weakness that I had was that I don't know how to fight, which was a huge waste of my enhancement abilities. If I'm going to be standing shoulder to shoulder with earth's mightiest heroes I had to be more than just my ability. I had to have as many tricks and aces up my sleeve as I possibly could and be prepared for every situation that I find myself in. What happens if I suddenly don't have access to my powers or I'm too tired to use them? With the way I am right now that would mean instant death for me, so I had to learn how to fight.
-
I couldn't join an official martial arts dojo as I don't have the money for it. Also I don't think they accept people who look and smell homeless. A week of no showers with only one pair of clothes would do that to you. For the hundredth time I was immensely grateful that my ability substituted for food and water.
Anyhow, I can only do one thing in this situation which was to try and teach myself. The librarian had become familiar with my face over this past week and didn't try to prevent me from using the facilities. And so I began searching a way to reach myself some basics from the internet.
I was near a skate park in Chinatown practising one day when I was approached by a young asian girl. She came up to me with an annoyed expression on her face whilst I was practicing what I had learnt online. There were some free lessons going on around the area and I had come to check them out. I was disappointed to find that they were mainly health lessons for seniors with actual battle worth martial arts being taught. For some reason this girl looked incredibly familiar. We stood there awkwardly for a moment before I opened my mouth to ask her what she what she wanted.
"You are without doubt the worst practitioner I have ever seen" she spoke up suddenly "Hell you can't even be call a practitioner with whatever you're trying to do there"
"Sorry but... do I know you?" I asked wondering why she was so angry. Though the longer I looked at her the more familiar she looked.
"Doubt it. Are you looking for work?" she said whilst not so subtly looking down at what I was wearing.
What the hell. This was highly suspicious. An extremely familiar looking girl who I'm sure I've never seen before suddenly approached me on the street and is now offering me a job. Dammit at this point I'll take whenever I can get.
"Yes actually I am. Do you know anyone that's hiring" I say trying not show how much I needed this although she probably has an idea already.
"Well that depends, do you think you can clean better than you can fight?"
I was about to answer when she cut me off again "Think about and if you do want the job come to this address" she says whilst handing me a flyer before walking away.
I watched her leave before checking out the flyer she gave me.
Self defence and Martial arts training – At the brand new Chikara Dojo with Sensei Colleen Wing.
-
AN – Sorry for the info dump. I'm just setting things up for the future. Also I wanted to make the chapter longer but I'm having troubles writing up to 1.5k, so from now on I'll just try to make it more than 1k words at least.
Last edited:
Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
Wow, that was a fast week!
allows
grown
first get used to
unlocked for me.
Unnecessary "I" is unnecessary.
Better than bfailiure.
biggest waknesses
heroes
as I possibly could
ask her what she wanted.
be called
you're = you are
your = belonging to you
Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
What bad guys? It's just a couple of thugs sure they can beat an unassuming (at that point) guy.
The hell do you read to have your SOD so high that you can't believe thugs get smartass?
Also it's the MCU, shit like this is normal.
- Location
- Gravity falls
My SOD got like this after trying to watch the MCU shows on netflix. Too many chatty, expositiony thugs. That nurse the jussst coincidentally shows up in every one of them plus the whole bunch of dumb choices just to not have shorter seasons, like luke cage, that shit would've been over in 3 episodes at most if he just killed the bad guy but meh maybe that's just me. Punisher was surprisingly good tho'!
Hmm so is his power related to chi/qi/ in some way? It seems similar to a low level Xianxia cultivators powerset, with increasing your health passively and not needing to eat while also giving you physical benefits if you channel it. Or it could be some type of magic connection to another dimension giving you the power.
For some actual criticism their were a few sentences that didn't make much sense like this one, but I still got what you were trying to say.
Apart from that I'd recommend your SI get in contact with a homeless shelter. Their are quite a few places in New York that offer showers.
For some actual criticism their were a few sentences that didn't make much sense like this one, but I still got what you were trying to say.
Apart from that I'd recommend your SI get in contact with a homeless shelter. Their are quite a few places in New York that offer showers.
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- Location
- Minas Tirith
S.I is acting... remarkably not s.i, I mean at this point the fairly obvious option is to go a homeless shelter for a shower or just go the British Consulate and tell them you got kidnapped and data wiped since you had powers but you managed to escape.
Fragnostic
Cheshire
- Location
- Neko City
There are quite
Their = belonging to them
EDIT: Oh snap, sorry, did that out of habit.
- Location
- England
Sound like those two twin Mutants from X-men, one has a sun he can invert into a black hole and the other has a Black Hole he can invert in a Sun, as a side effect that can control gravity as well as being Telepaths.